Chapter Text
Backstage, a few minutes before the candidates began giving their final speeches, Kylo Ren paced back and forth rehearsing exactly what he was about to say, putting inflections on different words each time he practiced a sentence. He feels confident enough. He spent hours the night before preparing the best speech ever written, so he really sees no reason why this won’t all turn out in his favor.
“Well Madam President,” He hears Finn say as he walks backstage with Rey, “Are you nervous for your big speech?”
“I’m not nervous at all, actually. I started working on it a few weeks ago and went to some of the teachers in the speech department to ask for their feedback on my delivery.”
“You shouldn’t call her Madam President if she isn’t even president,” Kylo sneers. “Excessive arrogance isn’t a good look on you.”
“You must be an expert in it, huh?” Finn shoots back, “I forgot it’s your favorite attitude to wear.”
Before Kylo has the chance to come back with something devastating and witty, Phasma pokes her head backstage to tell Finn it’s his turn to speak.
“Break a leg!” Rey yells.
“God, I hope not. I’ve got a game this week.”
“Actually,” Kylo Ren says with a very smug smile, “Break a leg doesn’t actually refer to breaking any actual body part. It’s a reference to the curtains on the sides of the stage which are also called legs. They used to be poorly built in older theatres and because of that, if the applause was loud enough the legs would literally break and the stage would fall apart. It’s basically a saying to express a wish that the recipient of the compliment do a good enough job that the applause—”
“Ren.” He’s cut off by Hux.
“Yes?”
“No one cares.”
Kylo looks around. It’s true. Rey stopped paying attention ages ago and Finn wasn’t even around anymore.
“Can you keep it down?” Rey asks, “I’m trying to hear Finn’s speech.”
“Whatever,” Kylo mutters. He pops in his airpods. Hux is too busy rehearsing his speech to pay any attention to him anyway. He got these airpods for his birthday and they’re already his new favorite possession.
He cranks up “American Idiot” to get in the political mood. He tries not to worry. He feels confident in his speech. So what if Rey’s been practicing hers for longer? She still probably doesn’t have anything of value to say.
Before he knew it, Phasma was back and prompting Hux to make his entrance. He pops out one of his airpods and moves closer to the stage to try and get a good enough view of Hux’s speech.
Hux practically glided onto the stage, approaching the microphone looking cool, collected, and put together. His hair was slicked back, and he’d gone all out wearing an all-black suit and tie. Kylo Ren, who was wearing a matching all-black suit and tie (plus, much to Hux’s chagrin, eyeliner), clapped as he approached the mic. Everyone else remained silent, waiting...afraid…
“Friends...acquaintances...peers...” Silence. The most respect any speaker on the stage during an assembly has had in ages. “Today is the end of Finn’s bid for the presidency. The end of the chances of a regime that acquiesces to disorder. At this very moment, my opponent plans to lie to us students while secretly supporting the treachery of his preferred presidential candidate, Rey. This fierce speech, which I will now recite to you all, will bring an end to their lies and trickery, to their cherished broken policies and promises. All remaining candidates will bow to me as Vice President and will remember this as the last day of Finn and Rey!”
Kylo Ren, Phasma, and the entire speech and debate team cheered their assent. Hux nodded in their direction and continued.
“For those who do not know me, I am Armitage Hux, and I will be your next Vice President. I am a reliable, honest, transparent, and responsible candidate. My opponent is nothing but a mouthpiece for his boyfriend and lover, making him fickle and easily manipulated. This school needs strong leaders to fight for the rights of its students, providing all with the ability to be heard and represented, not someone who can be bribed and coerced into doing something for the specific interests of one group. This administration needs a VP with strength, good organizational skills, maturity, and strong rhetoric. I possess all of these traits. It’s time to bring order and structure to a high school that has recently fallen to chaos. I will usher us all into a new age if you have the intellectual ability to acknowledge me as the one true candidate and elect me.”
He stares into the audience as if expecting them to know this was the end of his speech and applaud the appropriate amount. It takes a minute, but finally, someone catches on and realizes the speech is over.
The room responds in polite applause, with Kylo Ren yelling his support from behind the stage.
Finally, Phasma came for him, too.
“Kylo Ren, you’re up. Knock ‘em dead.”
She gave Kylo a slap on the back that knocked the air out of him for a hot second.
“Thanks,” he hissed after finally catching his breath.
He walked onto the stage, attempting to exude a strong level of confidence and competency. This is fine. This is great. He’s Kylo Ren. He’s incredible. There’s no reason for him not to be elected.
He takes a deep breath.
“As most of you know, my name is Kylo Ren and I am running for class president,” Kylo Ren began, “I could ramble on and on using cute little jokes and fun anecdotes and inspirational sayings, but I know you all want to leave just as much as we do so I’ll attempt to make this brief and get to the actual point of what I intend to do when I am in office.”
He scans the crowd, taking in the sight in front of him. Phasma gives him a thumbs up from the front row, which is a fun contrast to her completely straight face. Kylo continues, “As President, I will help all of us fight for proper nutritious foods in the cafeteria. In practice, this means a removal of Michelle Obama’s disgusting snack machine replacements as well as extra pizza days each month. I will also fight to get you all the spirit days and funding distribution we all want. I will make sure that the debate team gets the funding it needs and that fine arts are treated equally to athletics regarding funding and recognition.”
He gives a pointed look toward Finn, who happens to be the poster child for every single sport in the world. He doesn’t think supporting the arts will make his popularity tank with the jocks of the school, but he did the math and they happen to be in the minority compared to the rest of the student body. Besides, with Rey on the soccer team and Finn doing everything else, it’s not like he has a shot winning their votes anyway.
“Also, on the topic of fine arts, I will make sure that casting in the theatre department is fair so that people other than Poe Dameron can get the chance to be cast in lead roles. Eliminating favoritism is a goal I hold close to my heart.”
Kylo scans the crowd again, just to make sure everyone is interested. It’s time for his closing arguments. “Finally, I will help hold fundraisers to move our school dance from the Gym to the Marriot ballroom so that we can have a Prom that’s actually decent for once, and I will also make sure that we get that long longed-for homecoming theme of Proms Over Baghdad.”
The small troubled minority who have been campaigning for that theme gives single loud “whoop!” noises from the back.
“I will make absolutely certain that college is free for everyone. Thank you very much, good night! And remember, Kylo lives matter.”
“FUCK Kylo Lives!” Finn shouts from the front row. There’s laughter and some scattered applause which Kylo Ren reacts to with a scowl (he’ll throw his tantrum later) and Kylo begrudgingly trudges off the stage to join him, Hux, and the few people running for insignificant officer positions whose names none of them had bothered to learn.
That was fine. That was totally fine.
Can he actually provide free college for everyone? No. No, he can’t. Would he provide free college for everyone given the opportunity? Absolutely not. But these lemmings are too dumb to realize that anyway, and it sounded like a good closer to end the speech with.
He’ll vandalize Finn’s locker later or something, and then he’ll pay.
Before he has the opportunity to ponder this too deeply, Rey takes the stage for her speech. Kylo is completely focused now, his eyes trained on her, taking her in completely and watching her mannerisms as she approaches the stage. He’s only paying such close attention because it’s important for him to get a full understanding of everything she says in this speech so that he can refute it in one-on-one conversations with on the fence voters right before the actual election.
As she begins speaking, he can see very clearly why she went to a teacher for help practicing the speech. It does sound professional and well delivered. Not that Kylo Ren needed any extra training like that. He was on the speech team after all.
She says something else and brushes a piece of hair out of her face. Her hair is down for once, which is interesting to Kylo because at this point he wasn’t even sure if her hair was capable of being down. He’s only ever seen it in those stupid buns because she’s never seen any purpose in letting her hair get in the way of things. She’s dressed up now, though. Professional. It’s a good look, not that he’s about to tell her that. Not that he thinks she looks good.
No ideas she has can be more thorough and well thought out than Kylo’s new initiatives. He’s sure she’s sweating on the inside, maybe tweaking bits of her speech on the spot because she knows how superior Kylo’s speech was.
What is he doing?
He can’t let his thoughts wander like this. He needs to focus. Focus. Listening to this speech is important, definitely, yeah. He tunes back in again to hear:
“Thank you very much!” followed by applause.
Did he just spend the entire speech thinking about her instead of what she was actually saying? Wait, was the applause for her more applause than the applause for him? If there’s more applause for her, is it because her speech was legitimately better than his speech, or is it because the conclusion of Rey’s speech means the conclusion of the assembly which means everyone gets to leave? Maybe her speech was so bad they’re just clapping because it’s over.
She crosses over to Kylo when she leaves the stage. She sticks her hand out, and he stands and shakes it.
“It’s all out of our hands now,” She says, sounding not half as worried as she should be, “May the best man win.”
“Oh, don’t worry,” Kylo shoots back, “He will.”