Archive of Our Own ^beta

“I’m fine.”

The slash started from the middle of his chest, craned around his sternum and ended right above his left hip.

A rip of a Kunai that he’d been too distracted to see coming and hence; it had embedded itself into his body and cut a clean, curved line, leaving him gasping and bloodied-

Years of getting drilled into stoicism and handling everything during a mission kept him from all but crying out in pain, holding his suddenly outside coming insides and shaking in utter agony because-

Fuck, did it hurt.

He gritted his teeth, damn it, it hurt like a bitch.

Somehow, against all odds, he had finished the mission.

He had willed his legs to carry him home where he had ventured to the ANBU headquarters, kept away from the gaze of his colleagues and disposed the report on the table for his captain and ran out before anyone could notice the bloody trail he had left and the huge, growing patch in front of him that was too much to belong to the enemy.

He had run all the way from the quarters to the one place that would save him the humiliation of being noticed with a wound that big-

A mistake.

A mistake that someone with his statues should’ve never made.

A mistake that his brother would never make.

He slowed down his pace and all but collapsed in a mess of limbs on top of her balcony and shamefully was glad when the door of the balcony slid open as a tired looking Sakura stepped out, probably sensing him coming as she did so, her head full of hair that was going in all directions and wearing nothing but her bra and his pants that she had stolen that one time and never really returned again.

She had squinted as if not really believing what she was seeing before she blinked and he blinked back at her-

“Hi.” He had managed to croak out before Sakura double took, blinked several other times and sprung into action, leaving her sleepy self behind and transforming into the medic-nin she had become.

After being half dragged, half carried and all but dumped on her rumbled bed and getting an earful of not being careful enough and being stupid and also-

“You need a hospital!” She screamed as his blood ran down her fingertips glowing with healing chakra that hadn’t really done much for the last thirty minutes-

“Absolutely not!” He yelled back, flinching when she pressed roughly to his still gaping wound before he slammed his head back against her pillow, hot breath leaving him faster when he felt her pushing what seemed to be a bundle into his wound-

He screamed, clawing at her sheet-

“You need a fucking hospital!” She snapped after she’d pushed all of the bundle of bandages fucking /into/ his body and fuck-

That hurt- / a lot/.

Why did healing wounds hurt more than actually getting them?

She also decided to wrap another whole roll of bandages around it and as if it didn’t hurt enough, she tightened it even more-

Sakura’s neighbors were going to be pissed tomorrow with how loud he screamed-

Panting, he fell back down from arching his back, a few stray tears falling from his eyes as he curled his fingers around her bedsheet.

“No hospital.” He managed to say before a horrific, also bloody cough wrecked his already wrecked body.

Blood trailed down his chin-

Sakura’s eyes were the size of a dinner plate.

She started grabbing a shirt from the ground and pulling it over her head, mumbling about doctors and ER and all of the shits that Sasuke was not going to be doing-

“Fuck Sakura! I said no hospital!”

She turned around, her infamous temper rearing it’s ugly head and for a moment, he was actually scared she was going to punch him into next year- “you’re bleeding out!”

“Just stitch it close!” Adrenaline was just one hell of a drug because usually he would never yell back when Sakura was looking like a murderer on a killing spree.

“It’s not gonna do anything!”

He looked down at the slowly reddening spot on the bandage that just about hurt everything before looking up. “I’m not going to the hospital, if you can’t help, then I’d just leave.”

Well, technically, he couldn’t actually leave, his legs were feeling like jelly and his brain was a mush but, the darkening spots in his vision kept his mind, somehow, alert and he knew one thing for sure-

Hospital would ask how the hell he had managed to get a wound the size of the whole fire country and Sasuke couldn’t exactly lie to his superior and also-

They would alert his parents and just..

No.

Sasuke had made a mistake. He hadn’t even been outnumbered and in fact, he had pretty much won that fight easily before his fucking shoe caught on a stone that he could’ve sworn wasn’t even there before and yeah…

Spoilers alert, a giant slash that had been bleeding sluggishly for about eight hours since he was cut.

A mistake, a human fucking mistake that Itachi wouldn’t have made.

He had stopped the bleeding somewhat, when it first happened, and after running back home in what had felt like record time even for him, the fastest Shinobi in the village, and coming straight to Sakura-

Well, after the report but still.

It had been harsh on the wound and hence, it had started bleeding even heavier.

Great.

Either the blood loss, or the furious expression on Sakura’s face was making his heart beat faster and it wasn’t a good sign-

He knew that much at least.

The expression lasted another few seconds as they both locked eyes, and Sasuke was quite impressed with her-

Everyone knew you never looked an Uchiha in the eye, except, maybe because she knew he didn’t have any chakra left to activate his Sharingan or because she knew he’d never use it on his loved ones.

Sakura, unfortunately or maybe fortunately, being one of them.

“…fine.” She huffed before coming over and trying to stitch the work close.

It didn’t work.

It was bleeding too heavily but Sakura was a skilled medic-nin and there was very little she had had to lose when he was being this obstinate so, he gritted his teeth and tried to scream quieter when she pressured the wound and after what had seemed like a good few hours, finally, blissfully, got the bandage rolls she had stuck inside of his gaping wound out and stitched it close when it didn’t bleed anymore.

And he also really, really needed a hospital.

But again, hell no.

Both of them panted in unison, sweat and blood covering them before he started shaking from a whole other reason-

She leant over him, pulled the blanket and draped it all over him.

And because Sasuke was told that he was an asshole and a piece of shit, he just had to say it. “I told you I didn’t need a hospital.”

She gave him a look that basically threatened him into silence before concern filled her green, green eyes and she all but collapsed on the edge of the bed, face planted in her trembling hands.

Guilt nudged him in all the wrong ways, somehow hurting him more than the barely closed wound on his chest.

“Hey-

“You can’t keep doing this to me.” She whispered, her voice a quivering mess.

He tried to get on his elbows but the pain, god fucking damn it /the pain/, it laced through his hip all the way up to the middle of his breasts and okay, maybe he blacked out for a moment there before coming around again with Sakura’s face hovering over his head, her hands glowing a dimmed green and eyes the same color of concerned.

He tried to smile but it was probably a grimace.

“Every time something like this happens, you come straight to me.” She said above him as she leant away, wrapping her arms around herself as he turned his face to look at her.

She looked…small which was just plainly stupid because she had double the muscles he had /and then some/ and could crush him with all of that monstrous strength hiding beneath her gentle touch.

He knew she wasn’t small. She was one of the biggest people he knew.

But…she still did look like her twelve years old self sometimes, that same helpless girl who had been beaten to a pulp and had cut her hair to save their lives-

Who had stood up and saved both his and his other teammates lives.

“I’m glad you do,god, I’m so fucking glad you do and I probably wouldn’t have a peace of mind, if I didn’t get you myself anyway but it has got to stop.” She trembled. “You have got to stop endangering yourself like this. When shit go wrong, you go to hospital, Sasuke.”

“I’m not though.” He mumbled as he looked away, ashamed of burdening her like that.

“You are.” She said firmly. “If you keep neglecting your wounds and come to me, instead of her hospital, then yes, you are endangering yourself.”

He glanced up at the ceiling. “You know why I can’t go to the hospital.”

Firstly, because it smelled like some sort of clean shit and secondly because…

Well.

Her eyes softened and she extended a hand to rest on his head, slowly stroking his bangs and hair. “They would hate to know you think like that.”

He shrugged her hand off, slowly easing into a sitting position despite her angered alarm before heaving a breath-

How the hell did he not tumble over yet?

“I’m not going to the hospital.” He promised, didn’t look at her because he knew his resolve would break-

The fucked up thing about him honestly, one look at a crying Sakura, sad Naruto and he’d do anything they’d ask.

So no.

No looking.

He got up, swayed way too dangerously and had Sakura not kept a firm hand around his waist, he would’ve fallen over-

“What’re you doing?!”

“I should go home.” He looked at the slowly waking sky and winced. “I should’ve been home.”

His mother was an early riser and he desperately hoped that she’d just decide to sleep in today so that he could crawl through his window and collapse on his bed.

Those soft sheets and just pure, blissful sleep.

Fuck, he needed sleep.

So /much/.

“You’re going home like this?!” She screeched, the sound echoing off the walls and making his pulsating head hurt even more-

He didn’t hide a wince, not from her.

Not from a woman who had seen him split open just a second ago or, more times before that.

She was his friend, like a freaking sister he never really had except when he made fun of Itachi’s long hair and called him a girl-

Many kunais were flung his way due to the accusations but, Sasuke never stopped.

Very few times some sort of emotion passed over Itachi’s face and even if it was anger and direct at him, it was worth it.

Still, he hated seeing that concerned look on her, her eyes wide and her frame trembling.

Sakura was like a mountain; she wasn’t supposed to shake.

He ruffled her head, using his height against her and dived out of the way of her batting hands before snickering as she stubbed her toe on her desk-

“Fuck! Ow!” She hissed before bringing her foot up, her knee bent and rubbing at her toe, her fingers going all directions on dried and peeled pink nail polish of her toenail before she finally subsided, and Sasuke also stopped finding it so hilarious-

She still looked like she was about to cry.

“I’m fine.” He said, just to reassure.

“You’re not.”

He swallowed and locked eyes with her, smiled the same way both Naruto and Sakura hated and called it his ‘ I’m a self deprecative piece of shit’ before inching towards the window and turning the knob down to open it.

If possible, she looked even more disturbed but something close to defeat and fatalism settled over her.

She knew nothing could stop him once he had made a decision.

She sighed, “at least, dont die on me on your way home.” She breathed as she came up behind him, leaning on the wall.

Her eyes, for once, unreadable to him which on itself was weird and Sasuke solely blamed it on extreme blood loss and not whatever the fuck was going on-

“Sakura, I’m fine.”

“You’re still bleeding.”

“It’ll stop.”

“Perhaps, with rest and a hospital visit but we both know you won’t do either.”

He regarded her from above, her head barely came to his bicep, it wasn’t his fault she was so short.

“I’ll be fine.” He said for the tenth time and for the same time, she drew her eyebrows together and shook her head, glancing out the window.

“You’ve lost too much blood, you need a blood transfusion or you’ll collapse-

“Hopefully, in my bed for the next few days.”

She paused, rolling her eyes and shaking her head again.

He climbed on the windowsill, careful of his giant wound and preparing himself for a leap before she spoke again, her voice even and strangely flat.

“You’re lucky,” she told him, looking somehow like a grim reaper who followed him around every single day, “and one day, your luck is gonna run out.”

He knew.

And he was yearning for that day so much.

Sakura didn’t need to know that though.

All she did need to know was- “I’m fine.”

She scoffed.

He glanced back at her bed, or what had been left of it; blood and rumbled mattress, he winced again. “I’ll buy you new sheets-

“Go home and please, please rest.”

He swallowed, with how much his wound was throbbing, he knew he couldn’t have done anything either.

————————

Sakura was wrong.

Sasuke wasn’t lucky.

/at all/.

Why else, in the crack ass of dawn, when he was coming home with all the bloody glory of an ANBU who, by Sakura’s low and Naruto’s high standards, was an idiot that didn’t go to hospital, would he come face to face with his older brother who seemed to have come from a mission himself-

See, it wasn’t exactly a rare occurrence for both of them to reach home at the same time but, it sure did when one of them seemed perfectly fine except the normal cuts and bruises and the other looking like they went through a meat grinder a little sloppily.

He stopped dead on his track, his brother mirroring before the equal dark eyes moved from his, probably bruised and battered face to the rest of his body-

Sasuke winced and Itachi’s eyes doubled in alarm, his mouth opening to probably do something obnoxious and according to their father who chided Itachi for a sample of emotion, stupid.

Like yelling.

No, that wasn’t like Itachi-

Probably haul him over his shoulder and race to the nearest hospital- something Sasuke should’ve done-

That..that did seem like something his frantic, panicking brother would do-

Sasuke broke in before that happened, raising his hands and shaking them side to side to grab his brother’s horrified attention- “it’s not mine!” He outright lied-

Itachi blanched, visibly shaking as his mouth gaped and if Sasuke didn’t feel his heart trying to crawl up his throat, he would’ve found the situation comical; his older brother and captain, future clan leader, the genius of Uchiha and someone who was famous for composing himself better than their father, had his jaw on the floor and his arms gesticulating helplessly towards Sasuke’s bloody uniform-

As if he didn’t really expect his little brother to come home looking all sorts of disheveled or, in Sasuke’s poor case, a little worse for wear. The sight of it all over him was probably what shocked him and the fact that he didn’t have the signature bandages of the hospital but the ones hidden securely underneath his uniform-

“I’m fine.” He laughed, barely hiding a wince when the movement pulled on the newly sewn stitches-

If he popped them not even an hour after Sakura had just placed them, she’d kill him herself.

Itachi narrowed his eyes, not for even a single minute believing him before Sasuke, like a stupid idiot that he was, he jumped up and down to make his brother actually consider his lie with all the blood on him, the front of his grey uniform was no longer grey-

Downright black.

And his entire skin was either covered in dirt or dried blood. His pants were wet with precious, red liquid that should’ve been graciously inside him and he knew he looked like he’d crawled out of a grave-

Itachi winced with every jump but slowly, he seemed to have started believing him as his deep frown eased off slowly and he sighed, the tense frame leaving his shoulders and he placed a hand on his hip tiredly, a small smile gracing his lips and Sasuke was ashamed how much relief he felt at the sight of it.

“You look like death.” Itachi stated with a huff, clearly sighing in relief.

Sasuke felt like death, to be honest.

His head hurt, his skin was hot with what was no doubt a high fever and he could still feel blood leak from some part of the wound that the stitches couldn’t exactly close and he was also feeling lightheaded but Itachi of all people didn’t need to know that.

So, he hooked a leg over the other, ignoring the horrible way his entire front protested heavily and bowed dramatically. “With all due respect which is none, you look the same, my chief.” He said, adding in the nickname that made Itachi’s blood boil before he felt his brother bristle visibly and turn away from him to fish the house keys out of his pocket.

“Don’t call me that.” He hissed as Sasuke straightened and moved next to him, patiently waiting for the lock to give so they could both step inside-

He surpassed the shudder at the fact that the light was on in the kitchen and he would have to explain what was wrong with him to his mom-

“Go to your room, change and please, shower; you smell like rotten meat.” Itachi said as he shielded his figure from the doorway, so they their mother wouldn’t see him, he turned to glance at him from over his shoulder. “ and she doesn’t need a heart attack.”

For a second, he considered telling Itachi that she’d probably have a heart attack of having her clean floor dirtied and not of him being a bloody mess.

Sasuke rolled his eyes. “I don’t smell.” He replied instead, but the sentiment was the same-

Despite the fact that people didn’t often know how bad their scent was, Sasuke was fully aware-

And Itachi, by all the genius standards and what not, no longer took the mission that required most of the killings and it seemed-

Sasuke considered as he opened the door of his room and stepped inside-

Itachi had forgotten how corpses smelt.

——————————-
Danzo, one of the higher ups with way too many roots beneath his chair to keep him in place , had actually asked his older brother for the impossible.

Naturally, /obviously/, Itachi had refused and when the man had declared war, he had all but murdered him in cold blood.

His older cousin Obito with his little brother Shisui had been more than impressed, his parents immensely proud and everyone in the village had praised him for what he had not done-

What he had refused to do-

Massacring the entire Uchiha clan.

Obito came forward, overthrowing the Hokage and getting their lies on the surface with the help of his father and sooner than an eye blink, Itachi had become a well respected hero among the world.

Sasuke had been left on the side, dust settling on him.

The attention had been solely on Itachi and his older brother had been far too busy noticing him slipping away in the dark corner of his room, training uncontrollably until one day, a figure appeared on the training grounds with the promise of power and something Sasuke had been yearning for-

Speed.

Lightning.

He left for Orochimaru at twelve years old, returned more broken than fixed when he was sixteen.

He had become powerful, fast and a genius in span of four years, in fact, he had become the fastest Shinobi in the world by a far comparison but at the cost of literally everything.

He had almost been sentenced to the death penalty but with high objections of his brother who had been the one to actually drag him back home along with Naruto who had also stood next to Itachi and perhaps, yelled louder than necessary, his parents almost suing the village all together, his sentence had been reduced.

ROOT.

He was supposed to become a ROOT member.

The dark organization, a deeper, more shallow branch of ANBU that dealt with all the dirty work of the village-

An organization that his brother had once been a part of before it had been disbanded and rebranded by the new Hokage-

Kakashi Hatake.

Seeing his former teacher in Hokage attire had been a surprise that Sasuke, to this day, didn’t really know if It was pleasant or not.

Still, Kakashi got him sorted out and three days later, Sasuke had become an official member whose boss was his own older brother-

At least, he considered, he could yell at Itachi too.

But then, he noticed the disappointment of his parents, the way the clan edged away from him, the people of the village almost afraid-

It…it wasn’t nice and it absolutely wasn’t something he ever wanted to feel.

Sasuke had left the village to become strong so that he could make his parents proud the same way they were with Itachi-

Jokes was on him the entire time, Sasuke, a stupid idiot, could never compete with a genius.

He could never really win against Naruto and worse of all, Kurama-

He…he was just a Shinobi.

Just another member of ROOT.

A useless weapon, rusted over and broken.

A tool.

Although, he huffed in annoyance as he glanced over his bed where he had been sleeping on for, maybe, six hours before waking up, a tool shouldn’t really bleed like that and have half a gallon on his mattress.

He rubbed a hand down the side of his face and pulled his shirt over his head to see the state of his bandages and sure enough, a red spot had formed.

Did he pop a stitch?

The walk to the bathroom had been hell, getting out of bed had been worse but Sasuke had managed it with a whole regard towards his front and his aching legs and a few curses gritted out from his lips.

And that was where he actually was at that moment, standing under the shower twice that day and letting the warm water run over him, making him both relax and somehow tense when every part of his wound throbbed and pulsated-

Gosh, it hurt so much.

The stitches were miraculously still in tact and he hadn’t popped one so far , a personal record, so, he could just clean and bandage it again and hopefully, not get any missions for the next few days until this thing healed-

The water dripped into his skin-

He hissed and leant his forehead on the wall, swallowing the bile raising on his throat and barely enduring another shudder. Downstairs, his mother was cooking and by now, Itachi was probably awake as well, either outside, or helping their mother out or, more logically, probably lounging in bed.

Who would get up after coming home at four in the morning anyways?

He finished the shower, redid the bandages and avoided the usual bruises that he just couldn’t careless. Throwing on a hoody and regular, grey sweatpants, he walked out and winced badly as he bent to pull on his bedsheets.

He felt like a girl on her period.

He seriously didn’t want to see anymore blood but his mother also did not need to see it on his sheets of all places, and because of the fact that Sasuke didn’t have a vagina to blame for the mess, and he seriously doubted they’d bleed this much, he’d just pulled them all out ,fished around his closet for a new one.

After getting that done and hiding the dirty ones, he opened the door and stepped into the hallway carefully, his whole front region on fire.

All he wanted was a glass of water.

He could do that. He could just get down the stairs and hopefully, not collapse in a mess of limbs.

He gulped, easier said than done.

Thankfully, the hallway was empty and there was no sound or chakra indicating his father who was a whole different level of headache to deal with and by how much he could sense, his mom was still in the kitchen and Itachi was in his room, asleep.

Great, all he had to do was just get down to the fucking stairs and chug water-

Get up too once more to get to his room-

Fuck.

For a split second, he considered just going to bed, to hell with his thirst and charred through, he’d just turn the faucet on in his room. But, it was bathroom water.

He cringed hard, wincing immediately afterwards as the movement pulled on the stitches; of all the places he could’ve gotten hit, why the fuck his front?!

Climbing down the stairs was an impossible hassle and each step sent a jolt of pain through his entire body, his knees shaking with the effort and it took a ridiculous amount of time for him to get down and once he did, his mother’s eyes locked on him immediately from over the counter of the open kitchen.

“Are you hurt?” She asked with her whole body frozen in place, her eyes deadly and Sasuke knew by now that the moment she suspected a single lie coming out of his mouth, it’d be game over.

She’d slice him up with the same knife that she was cutting those vegetables with.

He blinked. “No, I’m fine.”

Her eyes narrowed. “Sasuke.”

A warning. A clear as fuck warning, in fact.

He smiled with as much benevolence as he possibly could muster, trying to keep himself composed but she raised an eyebrow anyways, regarding him cooly, her body cold and her face devoid of emotion.

Two years after coming back home and she still hadn’t forgiven him for leaving.

No one had. And he couldn’t blame them, not really.

“I’m fine, mother.” He replied seriously, drawing himself tight and upright, his hands falling on his sides and standing ground like a soldier.

Like a tool.

It did the trick, her eyes lingered for a few seconds too long before she nodded and went back to her veggies, chopping them nicely.

He almost, just almost wished that she hadn’t believed him, just so he’d see if she cared enough to be concerned.

The truth might be too hurtful though, so Sasuke chose to consider this as a small mercy.

He glanced at the table, noticing the cabbages and wondered if she would ever be generous enough and make Onigiri.

He could never ask her to make it anymore.

And it had been six years since the last time he had one made by his own mother.

He climbed back up the stairs; he’d just drink the tap water.
——————————
The next mission, just by Sasuke’s luck, was the two days later and try as he might, he wouldn’t turn it down.

Couldn’t really do it either, but Sasuke wouldn’t.

Mostly wouldn’t and not because of obligation or anything-

He couldn’t stay home and endure his mother’s cold shoulder and his father’s angry looks. They both practically hated him and the times he was in village, he mostly spent it training and grilling himself alone or, with Naruto who would scowl him until he gave in and ate something because god forbid Sasuke actually taking a break-

If he was actually home, he’d just stay in his room, go hungry enough that his parents fell asleep, Itachi had given up on coasting him to come downstairs to the table and then, he’d crawl down and find some bread or something-

By how cold she looked and how oppositely angry hot his father appeared every time he so much as breathed, he just couldn’t open their fridge and get whatever he wanted.

He didn’t deserve it.

Most of whatever he ate came from his own money anyways, he didn’t use anything of theirs and if he legally could leave the household, he would’ve done it a long time ago.

/ they’re just trying to cope with it./ Itachi always told him, defending his parents but mostly glaring back at them when Sasuke couldn’t hold a flinch at their outbursts.

Sasuke tried to believe him, but it was hard.

So, so hard.

His father was frowning when he climbed down the stairs to go out, sword on his back and a few Kunai stacked in his pockets to train. The man mumbled something under his breath before outright saying that he had forgotten his pen upstairs in his office-

Dread filled the bottom of his stomach but that awful feeling of still being an eighteen years old idiot that thrived on his parent’s attention and praise perked up and his mouth opened before he could do anything else. “I can get it for you.” He blurted out.

He would have to climb up the stairs again, his wound had finally stopped bleeding but Sasuke was suspecting an infection forming, again, it wasn’t important.

He could bare it, climb the stairs again, ignore the throbbing in his entire front, starting between his breasts and all the way to his left hip but his father jerked up as if startled and frowned harder-

Then, his eyes narrowed in anger and his hands curled into fists.

He swallowed drily. He really, really didn’t want to anger the man. His head hurt and he didn’t think he could handle any yelling right now.

“No need, I’ll get it myself.“ his father barked before growling and looking at him far too closely. “Where are you going?” He asked thinly with his eyes going all over him, cold and calculating-

Angry. So, so angry.

He fidgeted on his spot on the middle of the stairs, his hands coming front to fumble with each other before he pulled at his hoody. “Training”. He mumbled, voice uneven and his eyes looking at anywhere but at his father.

If possible, those eyes narrowed further and Sasuke just didn’t know how his father could see between his squished eyelids. “When will you be back?” He snapped and with his shifting tone, Sasuke did jump a little and if he wasn’t so focused on his father, he might’ve missed the clicking emotions behind his impassive face.

He calmed down a little.

“J-just before night. I’m not gonna take too long.”

“You’d better not.”

He held his chin to his chest, not daring to look up. “ yes, father.”

The last time, he had addressed any of his parents / mom/ and / dad/ was exactly six years ago. After all that had happened, he didn’t dare go for such familiarities; he didn’t know how they’d react anyways.

With a careless wave of his father’s hand, he tried to get down with a normal pace but, Sasuke could swear there were flames poking out of the wound as it pulsed and throbbed and fucking black spots were coming into his vision-

Just what he needed, in front of Fugaku Uchiha no less.

He almost fell down the stairs before two hands caught the back of his collar and yanked him back, Itachi’s concerned gaze coming over his face and looking at him in all directions and settling on his chest that was rising and falling rapidly-

Sasuke thanked god that he had worn a black hoody that day which was large and dark enough to hide everything, else, Itachi might’ve seen it all.

And despite his parents indifference and mostly hostile reactions towards him, Itachi was /not/.

If anything, he’d gotten even more protective over the years of Sasuke’s absence. The first few days of Sasuke’s return, the man practically vibrated, if he was out of his sight.

“Are you okay?” He asked as he helped him straighten, his hand hovering above his shoulder as if afraid of touching him, eyebrows drawn together and his eyes looking panicked.

Sasuke hated being the cause of that look.

He dismissed it, smiling with ease that he had come to appreciate that it had become a habit. Who knew that one day, he’d be a better liar between the two of them?

“I’m fine, just slipped.”

Itachi did not look convinced one bit and as Sasuke turned to move, he grabbed his bicep and opened his mouth to say something probably in lines of being careful and what not before their father broke in.

“If you are hurt,” the man stated, watching him with a different, too calculating gaze, one that twelve years old Sasuke might have been used to but eighteen years old Sasuke definitely was not. Not with how hard his heart was beating at being the center of that gaze. “I suppose you’d know better than to avoid a hospital.”

He swallowed, trying not to show how he had hit a little too close to home and nodded, bowing his head a bit in respect. “Of course, father”

Like a perfect little soldier.

The perfect tool.

Itachi’s worried gaze followed him outside.

—————
“And this huge ass bug just fell into my mouth,” he rambled on around a mouthful of noodles and Sasuke for the life of him just couldn’t understand what he was saying-

Either because of the ball of noodles in his mouth or because, Sasuke himself was trying to stay awake and failing miserably at it when Naruto’s rambling slowly silenced and the blond was left staring at him with a concern that was so surreal to be on him.

He blinked once, and when the black spots didn’t disappear, he blinked again.

Hard.

It wasn’t working and suddenly, the smell of the noodles was too much, his stomach rumbled, his mouth watered and he barely had the time to jump out of the store to the nearby trashcan to once again allow his insides to join his outsides-

God, he hated throwing up.

Naruto was on his side in seconds, knees hitting the ground hard and cradling his shoulders, one of his hands holding his hair back and the other rubbing right between his shoulder blades-

The front of Sasuke’s body /burned/.

With how hot he could feel he was becoming and how hard he’d trained himself, gotten a beating and tried to act normal during the spar when Naruto showed up, he had probably infected the wound and popped a stitch or two.

And he was going on a mission in two fucking days.

If he stayed in bed, he’d probably heal, right?

“What the fuck? Are you okay?!” Naruto screeched next to his ear and had Sasuke not been busy with trying not to faint in the middle of his vomiting session, he would’ve pushed his head away from his ear.

It hurt, fuck, it hurt.

“Sasuke!” Naruto screamed again, gaining some very unwanted attention of others around them, or the people walking down the street which was just ridiculous-

Sasuke spat into the bin and moved away, swaying slightly before rubbing his mouth, taking the water bottle that Naruto offered hesitantly and washed his mouth with it, spitting once more.

He sat back on his bottom, feeling his bones digging into the ground as he fought to compose himself.

Naruto’s wide blues were suddenly in his face, his hands all over him as they checked for injury and Sasuke just didn’t have the time to push the offending hands off before Naruto’s prodding found their mark right on his sternum where the wound curved terribly and Sasuke just couldn’t help the moan that escaped him-

Naruto stilled, his entire body seizing as his eyes jumped to his face, blue eyes sharp and his shoulders tense. He pressed his lips together, the skin around them going white.

“You’re hurt, aren’t you?” He asked dangerously.

He shook his head, no need to concern the future Hokage who wouldn’t stop pestering him to go to hospital and now that he had literally lied to his parents face about being fine, he just had to die.

No way, was he going to a hospital.

Itachi was so going to kill him.

“I’m fine,” he said as he shifted and held back a hiss when it pulled horribly at his skin and wound. “Really, I got a few kicks in my last mission.”

Naruto gave him an extremely unimpressed look. “You can’t lie to me.”

It wasn’t true, Sasuke could easily lie to him and Naruto would never know. He could do the same to the smartest people in the village and none of his family members had suspected a thing except maybe, Itachi but he was always out before he could do anything regarding his concerns about Sasuke’s ever failing health.

It was fine.

“I’m fine, Naruto.”

The blond, bless his soul, shook his head and leant forward before kissing the center of his forehead and had Sasuke not been stunt, he’d punched him for doing that in the middle of the street.

He had specifically told Naruto to keep their relationship hidden, if not because Naruto was the future Hokage and he needed to meet some standards, one being that he should not be around a former criminal too much, much less being in a relationship with him.

Naruto was doing neither of those things and it was bothering him as much as it was bothering Naruto’s reputation.

“You’re burning up.” Naruto whispered against his skin before cradling the side of his face. “Tell me the truth, what happened? Your chest hurt, are you injured?”

“I’m fine!” He snapped before getting up, dusting his pants and glaring Naruto into silence when he wanted to protest.

“Sasuke, please-

“I’m fine.” He replied, cutting him off.

He was fine.

He had to be.

—————————-

Coming home had taken a different tole on him, everything was on fire and he barely registered the people around him, the avoidance of his clan, his home, that had become a norm was painful but his chest and entire abdomen was hurting too much to do anything other than manage to put one foot in front of the other and keep going until he stood in front of the house door.

He got his keys out, feeling every single sweat drop on his skin and after unlocking, he stepped inside-

Itachi stood on right in front of him, leaning against the staircase and frowning way too knowingly for Sasuke to do anything other than fidget on his spot, his eyes locked onto his brother’s suspicious ones and swallowing drily.

“Hey.” He greeted, waving at him lazily as he took a breath to get ready for battle-

Itachi would not let him pass, unless he passed whatever exam he had prepared for him.

He stepped inside, closing the door behind him.

A battle of wills then, so be it.

The wall next to him didn’t really allow him to see if his parents were in the living room or not but he could feel them around the house- mostly upstairs, so his father was probably in his office and mother was in their room.

“Hey yourself.” Itachi replied, voice even, eyes not so even as they wandered across his body and settled right on the middle of his chest, where the wound curved to a terrible half circle.

“Is…uh, is something wrong?” He tried to ask cheerfully, keeping the air light despite the suffocating tension in it.

Itachi cocked an eyebrow, so similarly to their mom that he thought she was standing there instead of him. “I don’t know, is there?”

Oh, hell no.

Sasuke wasn’t ready to deal with riddles, he hated questions that took too long to answer and the way Itachi just seemed too casual when he really wasn’t, not by a long shot-

Hard pass.

Terribly hard pass.

He squinted in the dark, barely registering the fact that he’d taken the long way home to avoid Naruto’s suspension and had ended up arriving in the middle of the night despite telling his father he’d be home before dark-

Fuck him. And fuck his brother as well for blocking his way.

“Itachi, I just wanna sleep.” He murmured as he toed off his shoes and just didn’t give a fuck that he had left them haphazardly, so what if his mother would get irritated-

She hated his guts anyways.

“I hope you’d actually sleep but,” he narrowed his eyes and grabbed Sasuke’s bicep when he tried to push past his brother, Itachi pulled him in front of him and Sasuke just didn’t have the strength to do anything regarding that so he just endured it and stood in front of his sibling-

Gosh, he just wanted to sleep.

“You’re injured.” Itachi said plainly as he bore his eyes into his skull-

Sasuke immediately protested but his brother, his genius, fast older brother slammed a hand against his forehead and glared at him hotly. “You’re burning up, you’re literally grey and you’re trembling.” His eyes shone, his eyebrows frowning in concern. “Everyone’s worried.”

And Sasuke was tired, okay?

Just…exhausted.

His chest and stomach and hip was throbbing and his skin was clammy and he just didn’t give a fuck.

And also- “no, they’re not.” He mumbled as he finally got out of his brother’s grip and moved past him, climbing the stairs slowly, trying not to aggravate the already hurting shit that just wasn’t healing.

He just hoped that it hadn’t gotten infected.

“Sasuke-

He turned around, glaring at his brother who had his hand outstretched to grab him and probably throw him in a hospital, tell their parents and let Sasuke’s failure come to surface again-

Like always-

“I’m fucking fine, Itachi!” He snapped before turning to climb again.

He had made a mistake. A damn mistake that no one in his standards should’ve made.

He had failed.

He wasn’t about to let anyone know of it though.

——————-

It had gotten infected.

Puss was leaking at the edges of the those terrible stitches, he was too hot and not in a flattering way and as if it wasn’t enough, he had also started shaking.

Cleaning the wound would just be plainly stupid. It was already infected, and that meant cutting the stitches off, cleaning it properly and getting all of the puss and dirt out before stitching again.

And Sasuke didn’t really know how to clean an infection so, he just left it be.

Going to Sakura sounded nice and, maybe, she’d be able to do something about it although, reminding himself of the words she’d said-

/you can’t keep doing this to me./

But, she had also said that if anything happened, he was to go to her immediately.

And he had a mission in two days.

He just limped back to his bed, throw a hoody on after bandaging the wound before collapsing and just..

Falling asleep.

—————-
The days just crushed into one thing as Sasuke managed a stupid routine of avoiding Itachi’s knocking and insistent nagging, the tray of food that smelt a little too good on his desk that Itachi placed there after Sasuke just couldn’t find strength to crawl out of bed and move to the small side of the pantry where he put his loaves of bread-

He neither touched the food, no did he leave his room in general.

He just stayed in bed.

Slept on his back or, sometimes reluctantly to avoid suspicion, on his side and went to the bathroom, tried to scream not too loudly when he changed the bandages and had to reach his back for the roll and almost ripping the wound open again, dap alcohol on the infected areas and wish that it would go away.

It didn’t. In fact, as Sasuke glanced at his naked upper half in the mirror the day of his mission, it seemed to have spread and throbbed with the rhythm of his heartbeat.

He sighed, decidedly ignoring the waxiness of his skin and the way his eyelids kept dropping as he tried to keep his breathing even-

His chest was on fire.

There was a knock on his bedroom door and so, Sasuke reluctantly pulled his ANBU uniform perfectly on his body and took a breath before reaching over to the bathroom, walking to the door and opening it to see his brother’s deep frown staring back at him.

His brows kept twitching every once in a while and Sasuke had the sudden urge to run a hand down his brother’s face just to get the expression of it.

“Something you need?” He asked with a casual air of aloofness he had come to use with Itachi whenever his sibling got a little too close to how he really felt-

Itachi might not be the best at lying between the two of them but, he was still Sasuke’s older brother and hateful as he was to admit, Itachi could , against all odds, still read him like an open book.

Itachi pointedly looked at his front where the uniform was sacredly hiding the gauzes and the bandages and the infected wounds underneath it all.

Sasuke felt a little bare. “My eyes are up here.” He snickered with his index waving in front of his brother’s face.

Itachi didn’t smile,instead, he just gazed at Sasuke with a sullen expression.

“You’re not well.” He stated matter of factly. His voice was trembling just slightly in a way that very few people could tell.

“I haven’t been for a while.” A truth to keep the actual point away, Sasuke had learnt to play with his words.

Survival, often, depended on it.

Itachi seemed even worse now and Sasuke was starting to feel a bit guilty for causing him so much worry. Maybe, he should’ve just kept his mouth shut.

“But I will be.” He said with a smile that he hoped was sincere enough before Itachi took a breath, his face turning into something just heartbreaking before he stepped forward and pulled Sasuke flush against himself.

His hands were far too careful as they wrapped around him, knowing of an injury but unsure of its location.

Sasuke relaxed in the familiar warmth and pretended that he was okay.

Itachi kissed the top of his head, hooking his chin over it. “Be safe.” He whispered, probably trying his absolute best to keep it hidden but, Sasuke could hear it in his voice, behind the layers of words and intonation. Be okay, it begged.

Sasuke didn’t know how to tell him that he hadn’t felt safe in a long time.

———————

The mission on itself was fairly easy and it wouldn’t be much of a problem at all except the one, tiny, minor inconvenience that was a man with the title that Sasuke seriously had hard time understanding how he deserved it and a wife that was perhaps, a bit too much of a wife and a petite group of servants that Sasuke tried his best to ignore.

There was one more guard who, by all means, seemed a little too pleased to be around so many ladies and even once, he had outright flirted with one of the girls who had, to Sasuke’s barely concealed delight, had smacked him in the balls.

The howl of the man sent the birds flying.

Six hours later of that particular incident, after a very loud screaming match between two of the servant girls that the other guard( who Sasuke had never seen before to be honest) had tried to diffuse and ended up with a slap mark( Sasuke hadn’t been able to control his laughter) and one more hour after all of that, there was an argument between Sasuke himself and the patriarchal man with a high, undeserving title who insisted that they move forward while Sasuke had glanced at the girls walking all the distance with their untrained legs, the poor horse that was forced to carry the cradle where wife and the bastard had been staying in for the entirety of the ride-

One of the girls had seemed a bit young and Sasuke refused to allow a child have to carry the burden of the world-

He tried to reason with the man, uncaring for the fact that his wound was throbbing a little regardless of the painkillers he had taken, but, when he had refused and started to yell at him-

Called him worthless, the girls were apparently, all whores, the other guy guarding him and his wife was a nuisance and everything about him was screaming low life-

On top of all of the insults directing at them, except the one directed at the man who was supposed be doing his job as well and only because he did agree a little bit, Sasuke was mostly wrinkled about that one insult-

That one gut wrenching, horrible and Sasuke could feel his stomach clench, his wound burn and his heart squeeze and squeeze-

“You are an excuse for an Uchiha, your clan hates you, Konoha hates you, I wouldn’t be surprised to know that the entire world hates you and you’re sibling and parents probably wish you were dead!”

The wife, a brown haired woman with intelligent eyes that didn’t really seem like the type to reduce herself to what she had become, narrowed those eyes and frowned, the girls falling silent and some of them gasping while the other guard flinched-

Sasuke stood back, his face transforming into something ugly, the anger, the one emotion he had tried his best to smother since Itachi and Naruto all but dragged him back home, reared it’s ugly head, reminding him that no matter what he does, he will always be the monster that lurked beneath the ground, the hallways of the Sound village-

For once, after all this time, he welcomed it.

Maybe, it was wound that throbbed and ached and burned, maybe, it was the look on the scared little girl behind him, or the stricken guard that no matter how much of a douchebag he was, he didn’t deserve to be insulted as such, maybe it was because a woman of such intellect like that wife, she didn’t need to be by the side of the man or maybe, because the man had hit too close to home and Sasuke didn’t know how to proceed from that-

So he opened his mouth and let his tongue get the best of him, he allowed himself to become the same snakes he summoned, the ones hidden in the pits of Sound that he fed, he used the venom he hid to come forth so that the man would know just what kind of monster he was facing-

He laughed a little, allowing the casual air to consume him and make the oxygen thick with something dangerous that everyone tensed-

Good.

Let them.

Sasuke was done.

“That’s rich coming from you,” he sneered the same way he had taught himself when Orochimaru tried to touch him a little too much. “Someone who probably rapes his wife, makes everyone fucked just to please himself and to his shits, everyone should smile and bow.” He smiled that bitter one Itachi hated so much, Naruto called insane and Sakura told him to stop. “At least I know everyone hates me, but do you? It’s far better to know rather than the pretense.”

He thought to his mother’s harsh gaze, his father’s balled fists and his brother’s worried glance follow him outside-

Naruto barely talked about it and yet Sasuke was the reason for the dimmed smile that used to be the brightest.

He probably should’ve stopped at that point but once started, he couldn’t stop.

He called him out on his acts, told him he was an asshole for beating his wife, called him a worthless idiot who took his anger on people who couldn’t defend themselves, told him that the man guarding him might be a loser for flirting with everyone but at least, he took the hint and stopped, that the guard will be a man when he could only be a monster-

He glared at man, probably going to get punished for it but still activating his Sharingan just to get the man to the other side to that he’d know to step down before turning around and going to the woods, staying near enough to be alert of any outside presence but away enough so that he’d be hidden from their sight.

He didn’t want to deal with anyone anymore.

Feeling sick to himself, he pulled out a Kunai and flipped it around in his hand, leaning against a tree branch and trying not to cry.

The wound throbbed horribly.

——————————-

Another hour past before he felt a presence at the bottom of the tree that he had been occupying before he looked down and a guard and the girl who had slapped him were looking back up at him, their expressions unreadable but the guy was smiling.

The curly hair of his reminded him strangely of Shisui.

“Uh…do you wanna come down here?” He asked in a gruff voice that Sasuke hadn’t really paid attention until now.

Protocol or not, the man was his teammate at the moment and Sasuke was supposed to be a guard, so he swallowed whatever his response was going to be and jumped down to their level, cursing himself internally for forgetting he had the wound and feeling grateful enough that it hadn’t throbbed after he took a handful more of painkillers.

“Can I help you?” He asked them with a raised eyebrow, trying not to wince at his wound when the man stepped forward and in a very uncharacteristic way, placed a hand of his shoulder roughly, comfortably.

In the glow of the setting sun, beneath the layers of the dying sun shining through the leaves of the jungle, Sasuke could easily see that the man looked to be his father’s age with a smile that Fugkau would never show.

The girl strutted forward, a calm crease between her brows. “Thank you.” She said, a small smile dancing on her lips.

He frowned, feeling slightly better and a little cold when the man took his hand off him and rubbed the back of his neck nervously. “You know…for standing up for us-

“No one has done that before.” The girl prompted, looking at him earnestly with soft eyes that Sasuke had missed-

Gentleness didn’t come to him anymore and whatever it was, it was caution.

The only touch that didn’t hurt him seemed to be Naruto’s careful, careful hands that most of the time barely caressed his shoulder and Itachi’s worried, worried glanced and the arm that wrapped around him, scared of hurting.

Sasuke thought of Naruto, who would have probably kicked the man for talking that way, he thought of Itachi, the hero of the village and how he’d probably do it as well, though, much better and without such hostility-

He was the better son after all.

He shook his head. “I’m sure anyone would-

“No, they wouldn’t.” The man interrupted and the woman looked away, revealing an ugly scar on the side of her cheek. “They hadn’t.”

He swallowed.

What a cruel world, it was.

“And so,” she trailed off, her soft features turning sharp and a little too knowing. “Thank you, Sasuke.”

He flushed a bit, feeling heat grow on the tip of his cheeks and nose all the way to his ears and so, he looked down, unable to witness the words or the looks he was receiving.

“Anyways, I’m pretty sure you’re hungry.” The man said who Sasuke still even didn’t know his name before gesturing with a thumb behind him to the soft glow of the camp fire. “Let’s go eat something.”

“I’m not hungry-

“Nonsense.” The woman said, her eyes turning a weird sort of parental before taking his hand and dragging him behind her. “Children should eat.”

/I’m not a kid./ he wanted to say but somewhere deep down, he knew that both the man and the woman, who he found out later on were married, would only turn a deaf ear.

——————————-

The man ignored him as much as he possibly could, in fact, the moment he had eaten and filled his stomach, he was on his feet, going straight to his tant before glancing behind him at his wife who only ignored him.

The man had opened his mouth, and shouted at his wife before the poor girl jumped and scrambled to her feet, her food not even slightly finished before Sasuke was up and grabbing her elbow in the morning gentl hold he could muster, slowly pulling her behind his back and standing in front of her, glaring at the man.

“Get the fuck to your tent, before I kick you there myself.” He warned, feeling his stomach twisting as the man sneered.

“That’s my wife-

“And a human being.” He growled. “Go.” He barked.

The man glared but slowly backed into his tent, disappearing form view as Sasuke felt the girl sink back down in her seat.

He went back to his spot, chewed on his meat and ignored everyone until they fell asleep around him and the fire and he and the wife were alone, sitting apposite from each other around the cackling fire.

The wife, long, brown hair curling around her shoulders, her Kimono fitting her neatly, smiled at him softly before craning her neck a little bit and with how intelligent her eyes were, he thought he was staring right back at Itachi.

“Sasuke Uchiha, was it?” She asked, her voice silky and a little warm. Soothing, almost.

He nodded, fidgeting a bit on the ground and glancing away to the other girls minding their own business and seemingly unaware of the entire conversation that he and the wife seemed to be having. “Yes, ma’am.”

Her smile widened a fraction, though her eyes glittered. “The rumors don’t mention your age; I anticipated a grown man rather than a scrawny child.”

His insides twisted. “I’m not-

“I’m not saying you’re weak, far from it; it’s not everyday a Shinobi stands up for bunch of people he’ll probably never see again.”

He fidgeted again, pursuing his lips and trying not to wince in pain when a slight movement pulled at his stitches, burning the infected skin around his wound and hitching his breath. He looked up to see her staring at him with a different set of eyes that didn’t seem to be intelligent anymore but, knowing-

And they were staring right at his chest. Her lips curled into a twisted smile as she brought a burnt cigarette that he hadn’t even seen her pick, to her lips to take a drag. “You have quite a wound, I wonder if the village knows and porously sent you on a mission that could be your last.”

Telling her that she was bluffing would be stupid when he couldn’t contain a whimper when the wound throbbed, so he glared at her instead, refusing to bow down and give up.

Naruto would never forgive him, if he gave up.

Itachi and his parents wouldn’t let him hear the end of it, if he bowed down. Uchiha held their chin high in the air, outcast or not.

He swallowed. “It’s not gonna kill me.”

She nodded, her eyes going to the ground before her smile creaked again. “Yes, you won’t. Not if there was an ambush and the mission went smoothly.”

He held his breath, she was not just an ordinary woman, was she?

Her eyes glinted and Sasuke’s hair froze on his body as he felt what seemed to be a dozen rogues around their little campsite, some hidden in the trees and others neatly nestled in the bushes, ready to attack.

He stared right back at her, challenging before her smile dimmed and she held up a hand before Sasuke felt the horrible presences disappear, the campsite becoming safe again.

She didn’t look like a snake anymore, just a tired girl who’d seen far too much blood coating the ground the same color as her forced lipstick. “You stood up for me.” She whispered, her beautiful eyes glassy and tired.

He opened his mouth to reply, trying to explain to her that it was a human thing to do and in his clan, women were treated with respect; his montrer would literally tear him a new one if he so much as looked at a female wrong and he knew that he’d be even more of an outcast, if he didn’t respect women-

Uchiha clan didn’t fuck around with their girls.

Regardless, of the fact that Sasuke himself could never look at them wrong. Tsunade was the strongest woman, he had ever seen, Sakura saved his ass on daily basis, and his mother was feared by nations for a reason.

Itachi was a prodigy of a prodigy.

She cut him off, smiling casually. “Don’t downplay it, not everyone would do it.” She looked down, pulling a strand of hair behind her ear. “I can always kill him later,” she said. “But, doing it here with you around would mean fighting with you and you’re hurt.”

She looked up. “Consider it an appropriation of me for you being a decent man. I don’t want you to die, so we won’t attack.” She said before standing up and going to the tent, leaving him bewildered and in pain with a sense of relief of not having to fight.

The enemy was in the heart of the camp, but as long as she killed that bastard where he wasn’t involved, then it didn’t concern him or any of the people around the camp.

He let her go, standing up and trying to find a better place to keep watch.

———————————

The rest of the mission went smoothly as the guy kept his distance far away from him, the girls giving him extra food and the softest blankets they had while, the other guy told him to sleep because he’d take the night watches and scolded him when he found Sasuke still awake despite his state after almost four days with two hours of sleep and his wife made sure that Sasuke had extra layers of bandages stashed in his pocket-

/you’re gonna have to clean that./ she had told him before going away.

The wife kept her distance but once in a while, she’d glance at him and stare at his chest long enough that he moved to change his bandages.

He dropped the lord and everyone else off in their destination and after a couple of smiles from the servant girls and a bear hug from the guy with a motherly pat on the back from the treacherous wife of the man, he was on his way back home.

The temperature slowly dropped as the miles past on, the sun setting and arising again and again until Sasuke felt himself fall into a loop of sort-

He slowly but surely started to falter, his vision twisting and turning, blackening and then, resurrecting to how it was supposed to be, his body started to shiver ever so slightly and he could feel himself draining more and more-

The wound, thankfully, didn’t rip nor, did it throb but remained numb and blissfully, alright for the rest of the ride until he passed Konoha’s gates, rushed to the Hokage’s office to give his reports and decided to walk back to the Uchiha compound.

Then, after Sasuke nearly fell face first into the ground because of his own clumsiness and sheer exhaustion, he tripped and Sasuke felt something give before he heard himself gasp-

He shook his head, brushing everything off and only focusing on home.

He could just cry at the thought of his comfortable, warm bed but, he also didn’t really want to see his parents.

So, like an idiot, he took the longer route home which meant that by the time he passed the curtains of his clan compound, it had been dark and the streets were mostly deserted, everybody home or tucked into bed.

Good, he didn’t really have the strength to see anyone’s souring face upon his arrival anyways. He seriously thought they wished he’d go and never return but, alas, kept their silence mostly because of his parents and because, Itachi quite literally transformed into something dark and terrifying, if someone so much as looked at him wrong in his presence.

The house was also dark and windows were closed, when he finally reached it. The door were locked and the curtains were drawn.

He keyed the door open after a considerable time of just fishing around for them in his bag and stepped inside, trying not to moan too loudly for the soothing warmth settling on his freezing skin and only sighing before sitting down on the leverage and toeing his shoes off.

He sat there for a while after, his bag hitting the ground next to him as he leant back to pop the knots in his back.

Gosh, it hurt so much.

His entire body had turned numb except the knots, his wound only being a distant memory at that point as the cold had seized and seized until his breath barely escaped his lungs and his legs were stiff.

It took a while before it dawned but he glanced down at his body as warmth returned to his skin and he could feel a slight wetness seeping into him-

What?

He looked down more carefully and upon the sight, he felt himself cringe and mentally prepare himself for another round bandages and gauzes and what not.

Fuck.

The wound had reopened from where he could see and slow trail of blood was along his uniform and stark against the paleness of his skin.

He didn’t have the heart nor, the strength to peel the soaked cloth away from his body to see the true extent of the damage and no matter how much he tried to move his damn body to get up and limp to his bedroom-

He frozen in place, body a sluggish mess and his head feeling like mush.

The only thing keeping him upright was his palms flat against the surface of the floor, holding his entire weight and making his arms shake before he slid down and down and down until his head rested on the wooden surface and he was staring up at the ceiling and dim light of the lamp above him which wasn’t even shining too brightly.

It was a lamp that mom had insisted dad to get in case he or his brother came home late and had to take their shoes off-

When did he start to call his parents mom and dad?

What happened to mother and father?

Oh, his head felt like absolute lead-

Far too heavy and his limbs were probably made of jello otherwise, just why the hell was this happening?

He frowned, thinking hard and trying to understand why he was feeling so terribly and then, why couldn’t he call mom and dad those names?

Mother, father? What the hell?

What was this, Victorian era?

Itachi would laugh his ass off.

He paused, reconsidering before it slowly dawned and oh-

He had a wound on the front of his body.

And his parents didn’t really want him around anymore.

He should definitely get up then; he could feel his blood oozing from the wound and getting on the floor-

It’d be a hassle to clean and he knew mother wouldn’t appreciate it, and to make it worse, she’d make him clean it and he seriously didn’t think he’d be able to do much other than make it worse-

So much worse.

Maybe, if he closed his eyes long enough, he’d actually die and wouldn’t have to deal with anything anymore.

Oh well.

He’d get up, he’d definitely get up. He promised.

He just needed to close his eyes for a few seconds and then, he’d get up and go to his room and he’d clean the floors too.

Darkness fell over his eyes and the last thing he remembered was the ceiling and the lamp that used to shine brighter when he’d still run down the stairs to hug Itachi when he came back from missions.

———————————————-
The sun peaked through the curtains and he had half the mind to groan and maybe, toss the blanket aside to grumpily make his way around before he remembered that his wife was just beside him and if he wasn’t a morning person, then she definitely wasn’t either.

Angry Mikoto was something that needed to be avoided at all times.

He still vividly remembered the colorful bruise she had lovingly granted him and afterwards, she hadn’t even apologized for.

So, he slowly turned the blanket aside and sat up, rubbing one hand through his tangled hair and another one to his eyes to pinch them with much force that he yawned and stretched.

He glanced at Mikoto and as expected, her head was fully emerged underneath the blanket and her arms were on top of the pillow while she laid on her stomach.

He was half positive that she wasn’t breathing but knowing that touching her would ignite a rage feared by thousand gods, held his hand and only pushed him to get up fully from the bed and move his body to the bathroom where he blinked at the image of his disheveled self in the mirror, washed up and brushed his teeth before starting to feel a little more like himself.

He changed clothes, opened the door and moved inside the hallway, passing his older son’s room and also, the younger ones before climbing down the stairs to get to the kitchen so that he could brew himself some well needed coffee.

The day before had been a mess. Itachi had almost screamed at him while Mikoto had stood between them, her small figure barely reached their shoulders and yet, the whispered /stop fighting/ had been enough to stunt their older son into silence and cool his fuming temper.

/you act like he doesn’t exist!/

//how is this helping?!/

/when is your anger going away?!/

/you’re killing him like this!/

He sighed and brushed a hand down his face in frustration.

He loved his children and he loved them dearly. He had fully taken the entire court that day, threatening to destroy the entire village, if they so much as touched a single hair on his child’s head but, he just couldn’t force his heart to let go.

Sasuke had been manipulated and toyed. Orochimaru, thanks to Itachi, didn’t exist or else, he doubted he could ever hold back himself from storming to Sound and making the man pay.

But loved his youngest and he loved him dearly.

But, he needed to be sure that Sasuke wouldn’t go and do it all over again. He needed to make sure his wayward son never listened to the demons in the streets again, that he’d be safe as much as he could be.

The people thought his child, his small, silent, little youngest was dangerous and that he’d betray the village again.

He was going to talk to Hokage about declaring his son’s name free and boundless, right after the clan meeting tonight.

He might still be furious about Sasuke’s actions but, he wouldn’t tolerate people from his own clan, his kin, to glare at his child until he held his head down even in the streets of his own home. Uchiha clan was supposed to be safe and a calming ground for the kin.

He couldn’t bare to see his son being chased around the streets of the clan, take longer routes just to come home later, look defeated-

Exhausted.

He didn’t eat.

/he keeps his own food so you wouldn’t get mad!/ Itachi had screamed at them at the top of his lungs.

Fugkau wasn’t happy to admit that he’d missed it. Sasuke had never really come down for any meals after returning, and he just heard shuffling footsteps in the hallway and around the house in ungodly hours, so he just thought that he eventually got hungry enough to sneak downstairs and hunt the fridge for something.

Mikoto always had his share of the food in Tupperwares, stored securely in the fridge.

Sasuke started looking like he weighted nothing.

/I can get it./ he had said after Fugkau cursed for forgetting his phone in his office.

Fugkau had denied him, albeit, harshly and disapprovingly but, Sasuke had looked to be wobbling on his feet, dark, dark rings under his eyes and his skin had looked yellow.

He thought he was going to the hospital. /training/ he said, but Fugkau hoped that he’d go for a check up.

He climbed down the stairs, mind a mess as he tried to get a good speech for tonight’s meeting to put a stop of the behavior of the clan. Sasuke hadn’t done anything wrong, yes, he had left Konoha and was trained under Orochimaru but, he hadn’t killed or gone to any mission for the man.

He had just left. The worse case scenario for that was imprisonment for a couple of months and lord, Fugkau sighed, he was only eighteen.

He stopped immediately as he finally descended and his eyes found the slumped figure of his younger child on the perch, hunched over and facing away from him, as if he was sleeping.

He frowned, knowing that he had probably come back from his mission but not knowing why he had decided to sleep on the perch of all places, wondering if he had genuinely thought that the perch was more comfortable than his bed.

He stared at his son’s form and noticed the thinness that Itachi had screamed about, the shagginess of his hair and the way he was completely asleep which was weird on itself before he noticed another thing-

He wasn’t breathing; and Fugkau didn’t want to panic and start a ruckus for nothing in crack ass of dawn and perhaps, Sasuke was just sleeping and his clothes was hiding the movement of his chest but Sasuke was thin as a hair and Fugkau might have thought a bit too much to his older son’s screeched words-

He lunged forward and shook Sasuke back and forth, his heart immediately leaping into his throat when the boy didn’t wake and only moved violently with the motion of his hands-

“Sasuke!” He yelled, making his child move along with his hands as he pulled him and pushed him before his heart stopped as he noticed the soaked fabric in the front of his chest-

Blood. Far, far too much blood.

Fugkau knew for a fact that he lost a good couple years of his life.

“Mikoto!” He screamed, shrugging off his jumper and balling it before cradling his baby’s head and propping him up, pressing the balled clothes to the wound-

He didn’t know what to do.

“Itachi!” He screamed for his older son this time when his wife failed to understand the urgency and wake up-

Thankfully, he heard a pair of hurried footsteps before Itachi was jumping down the stairs, hitting the ground and stopping abruptly-

“Is that-

“Call an ambulance!” He screamed before he twisted to see Itachi’s stunt face, wide eyes and looking like his barely twenty three years old age and seeing his little brother covered in his own blood-

“I knew something was wrong.” He whispered before coming forward, and taking his hands off-

“No!“ Fugaku protested before his son turnt a hard stare at him.

“He’s losing too much blood, and he’s barely breathing, an ambulance will take ages to get here on time and I’m the fastest in this house!” He said all at once, grabbing his brother from all the right places to keep damage to a minimal level and hoisted him up in a bridal carry, “I’ll take him to the hospital, you guys-

“Will be right behind you.”

Itachi didn’t look back as he ran out of the door, Sasuke’s almost lifeless body pressed against him.

———————

Running had been a sport that he actually enjoyed, a thing that he did most mornings at dawn before the village fully awakened to clear his head and breathe a little easier before the horizon touched the ground and he was once again a responsible Shinobi he had been drilled to be.

Running made him feel like himself, made his legs strong and his joints strong enough to withstand distance-

So he ran.

He ran like he had never run before.

Itachi ran like his life depended on it.

He pulled his brother close to himself, terrified of the weightless figure and moved as fast as he could to the hospital, counting each second Sasuke’s chest failed to rise and prayed to whoever was listening to allow him to reach the destination in time.

He couldn’t lose him.

He wouldn’t.

————————————-
Itachi reached the hospital with a loud clash of the door, screaming at the doctors to do something, anything.

Just save him.

Sasuke was snatched away from him the moment the first doctor saw him.

It took his parents thirty seconds to reach the place and demand answers.

Answers that Itachi, nor the doctors could give.

—————

Naruto dropped in an hour after they prepared his little brother for surgery, raging and screaming and crying-

Fat tears kept falling from his eyes.

Itachi told him what he had told his parents.

“They’re doing everything they can.”

Naruto looked enraged and furious before the words had sunk in and he had had that terrible, shocked and heart wrenching expression before he stumbled and leant horribly into the wall, sliding down in the mess of limbs and crying-

Crying.

“I knew something was wrong.” Naruto said.

So he had also noticed.

Itachi decided to pat the blond on the head before retreating to the bathroom to throw up.

____________

“There was an infected wound.” The doctor explained, confused and a little angry that a seasoned Shinobi had taken such hit and hadn’t come straight to the hospital. “It was one of the largest ones I have ever seen.”

He, then, asked why her baby hadn’t come to the hospital.

She hadn’t known what to say, except staring ahead and thinking back to the bloodied sheets she had found in Sasuke’s closet hidden all the way to the back.

She hadn’t questioned it.

She had just thought that he’d gotten a nick and it was probably bleeding a bit.

There hadn’t been much blood on the sheets to be concerned.

Her heart felt empty.

Mikoto sat on the chair outside of her son’s hospital room and stared at her hands.

Two hours later, she went home and made Onigiri.

————————

Fugaku filed for a report and threw himself at work, refusing to acknowledge the fact that the doctor told him that his youngest might not really wake up again.

———

Naruto didn’t leave the hospital, even when the doctors told him to, not even when his own parents showed up, not when Sakura came crying and apologizing because she hadn’t been enough-

He didn’t move. He just sat down behind the closed door that led to his little brother’s room and stared blankly ahead, gripping a small piece of clothing that had Uchiha crest.

Itachi left him alone.

—————

Organ failure. Severe infection and malnutrition.

Those were some of the most terrible combinations out there and her little boy had all of them.

She stared at his far too small form from the window as the nurses hooked him on some wires and changed his oxygen mask to something stronger.

Her tiny boy didn’t stir when one of them lifted his head to put the new mask on.

He hated having his hair touched.

—————-

It a better part of a whole month before the man smiled and told him that he was getting better, the infection receding and his fever had broken.

Naruto cried until he had no tears left.

Mikoto slid down the wall and thanked whoever had listened to her prayers and Fugaku hung his head in relief, huge shoulders slumped and his face neutral.

Itachi just stared at the skeleton form of his baby brother and only wished to see him wake up and wave at him, smile and stop looking like he wanted to be anywhere but near the village.

Itachi wished he had never forced him to return.

————

Sasuke woke up, slowly and so, so tiredly as if the weight of the world was pulling him into the darkness again but, somehow, despite the odds, he opened his eyes and stared blankly at Naruto before a tiny smile fluttered on his chapped lips behind the oxygen mask, his eyes tinged on that shine that barely presented when he was trying to be strong and failing.

“Hi.” He whispered all hoarsely and tired and exhausted and probably on the edge of falling asleep but he spoke and Naruto grasped on that word like his life depended on it, crushed on the floor next to the bed, took Sasuke’s small-god, so small- hand and wept like the boy hadn’t woken up and Naruto was still looking at the unresponsive version of his lover.

Sasuke ran his shaking fingers through his hair and Naruto’s grasped his hand, careful of the IV needle stuck to it and kissed the scarred skin-

Sasuke smiled.

It was pained.

——————————

Fugaku stood next to his son’s bed and tried not to focus on the bandaged mess on his boy’s chest as the doctor prodded at him and asked questions.

Mikoto hovered around Sasuke, her shaking hands moving to the place where Sasuke had cradled his legs but they faltered every time and instead, gripped the handles of the bed, her eyes roaming all over her child as if seeing him for the first time-

Itachi, unlike them, didn’t have a problem with touching Sasuke, in fact, he was right beside him, ruffling his hair and rubbing Sasuke’s shoulder-

Naruto was on the bed, at the foot, his hand wrapped around his son’s ankle.

The blond hadn’t left since they brought Sasuke to the hospital.

The blond had also screamed at them quite loudly that he was Sasuke’s boyfriend in front of everyone when they told him that only family was allowed.

Mikoto had told the hospital staff that Naruto could stay.

The blond had been grateful but he still visibly resented them.

Itachi refused to look at them.

Sasuke was uncomfortable by everyone in the room and yet, he answered the questions thrown at him by the doctor, leaning his head on Itachi’s shoulder before bringing his other leg towards Naruto, giving the blond a reassuring smile.

Fugkau and Mikoto both left the room after the doctor said Sasuke was well on his way to a full recovery.

———————-

Naruto crushed him to his chest as soon as his parents left and Itachi went to get coffee to all of them.

He was crying again.

Sasuke hooked his arms around his shivering form, wincing slightly at the IV that was stuck to his hand and rubbed soothing circles on Naruto’s back. “It’s okay, you’re fine.”

Naruto cried harder, pulling him even further into his skin as if he was trying to make Sasuke stick to him or to place him into his body, somewhere safe, near his heart where he belonged. “Don’t ever do that to me again!” He sobbed, burying his head into his shoulder before moving away and grabbing Sasuke’s face in both of his hands, blue oceans raging as they met his midnight black.

“If you get hurt, if shit hit the fan, if you’re tired, if you wanna get away, if you ever wanted to leave this place behind,” he said, voice shaking and earnest. “You fucking tell me.”

A few tears fell from his eyes, making Sasuke’s already bruised heart take another blow because Naruto was supposed to smile like the sun, not hide behind rainy clouds and be soaked. “You have no idea what you did to me, I can’t live without you, I can’t breathe!”

Sasuke brought his hands up, slowly and tenderly holding onto the ones gripping his face and slowly moved forward until Naruto’s trembling lips met his own in a soft kiss that was so unlike how they were with each other often, so unlike the bruising grips and the suffocating kisses, the bloody bites and the harsh punches-

It was soft and tender, like a hurt skin that you didn’t really dare to touch and only move your fingers over them slowly not to make it worse-

Naruto moved, so, so slowly, the hold on his face turning soft and shy so that it was no longer gripping but, just cradling his jaw and his cheeks.

“I love you so much.” The blond whispered, staring into his eyes with his forehead pressed against his. “My entire being depends on you.”

Sasuke kissed him stupid again. “I love you too.”

—————————

Itachi fumed first, ushering Naruto out and telling him to get some rest and go home which, after much encouragement from Sasuke as well, the blond did before Itachi had slammed the door shut and huffed a sigh like it had been forced out of him before moving to the window and doing the same to it, if not more roughly, his unusually loud movements making Sasuke wince before his brother drew the curtains in and leant against the wall, staring at him with Sharingan red eyes.

Sasuke swallowed and really, really wished he could get away from the hospital room because Itachi kept looking angrier by the passing seconds.

Itachi narrowed his eyes.

Then, came the yelling.

“Just what were you thinking?! Were you even thinking?! Look at the size of that wound! What am I gonna do with you?! Can’t I just take my eyes off you for a secon?! Hiding an injury in that size?! Just look at yourself! Look at the fucking size of that thing! What if you had bled out on your mission?! What if the infection couldn’t have been treated?! What if dad didn’t find you almost dead?! What if I lost?!”

After the yelling, came the one thing, the one thing that left Sasuke stunt and speechless, staring at his older brother in both shock and hurt and love because, Itachi was like a mountain, unmovable and strong, like an unbreakable rock that Sasuke had broke because-

Because, Itachi sobbed and suddenly, Sasuke stared at his brother and just saw a slim figure on a young, young man who really didn’t need all that responsibility, who might have just lost his brother.

If Itachi had been in his place, if Sasuke had been in Itachi’s shoes and Itachi had been on that bed, bandaged with a wound in the size of the fire country, infected and almost, mostly dead, he’d do much worse.

Itachi was just sobbing.

“What if I had lost you?! What was I gonna do then?! Do you have any idea how much you mean to me?!”

Sasuke extended his hand, trying to move closer fo his brother who just kept looking smaller and smaller-

He wanted to lift those weights off his brother’s cracking shoulders-

Itachi moved forward, pulling him close and nuzzling into his shoulder. “Don’t do that again. If you’re hurt, you’re telling me. You’re telling me, Sasuke!”

He nodded, even if he didn’t really know if he could ever convince himself to be worthy of all of their love, he nodded because his affirmation was what Itachi needed to calm down.

Sasuke never wanted his brother to sound like that again. Begging and pleading and hurting-

Just-

No.

“I will, I promise, I’m sorry.”

“You’d better be.”

——————————

Mother was twisting her hands on her long skirt, fingers almost ripping the fabric apart as she sat on one of the chairs and took a breath before pulling something out of the bag on the ground-

Sasuke only watched her, not really knowing why she was here and what she wanted-

If there was even anything he could do for her-

He was under medication, as far as he knew because the last time one of the nurses had come to check on him, they had put something into his IV line after asking him why he looked like he was in pain.

Well, he had started hurting about in the morning but he didn’t think it was bad enough to ask for anyone.

The nurse hadn’t liked the answer and had placed a button right in his hand, a firm look on her face before telling him that they are doing their job and even if someone came to the hospital with nothing but a broken leg, they would be treated the same much less, if the person had a wound in that size.

“And you are worth every second of it.” She said firmly before leaving.

Sasuke kept the conversation to himself and only smiled when Itachi asked why the nurses were being extra gentle with him. Naruto had only laughed and said they probably had a crush on him.

Sasuke kindly reminded him that they were the age of his mother and beyond.

His mother had come later and here they were.

She straightened with that same hesitant look on her face, a bento box in her hand.

He frowned.

Mother blinked; a tear fell from her eyes before she glanced at him.

Her face didn’t look like how he remembered it; cold and unforgiving-

She looked warm and welcoming. Comfort and home-

God, how much he missed being home.

The bento box shook in her hand before she stood up from her chair and moved towards him, Sasuke watching her every move until she was an arm away from her-

She brought the chopsticks over and placed the box near him just away from his hand.

He looked up at her, confused-

“I..I-I didn’t know what you might prefer now but…” she gazed down, her silky hair covering her beautiful face. “I thought you might be hungry and I know you don’t like hospital food.”

He swallowed drily.

“Mother-

“Mom.” She interrupted, her voice strained before she looked up and her face glistened with her tears. “I’m your mom, baby.”

He blinked.

His vision clouded, his throat tightened, his chest contracted.

He glanced back down at the box, his hands unconsciously moving to it and bringing it to his lap where he slowly opened the wrapping, opened the lid and okay, maybe Sasuke cried-

Maybe, he brought his head down and sobbed at the unmistakable, delicious smell of Onigiri that he hadn’t eaten in so long-

Maybe, he cried louder and his his head into her chest when mother_ mom- when mom moved towards him and cradled him to herself, maybe Sasuke clasped his arms around her and didn’t let go because mom was there again-

“I’m so, so sorry, baby.”

Sasuke had always been a forgiving person.

And perhaps, he did cry himself exhausted when dad came over a little while after mom had been forced to leave with one angry Itachi who wasn’t as forgiving as Sasuke-

Because father- dad- dad had called him son with a softness that he had yearned for-

Ached for.

Both of his parents apologized with tears streaming down their faces.

Sasuke forgave him the moment he was allowed to call them mom and dad again.

Itachi pushed them out of the entire hospital and screamed at them-

“You are too fucking late! Leave him alone! You’ve done enough!”

Sasuke closed his eyes, his face pressed against his brother’s sternum and his feet in Naruto’s lap as both Itachi and his boyfriend discussed how they didn’t want Sasuke to be anywhere near Uchiha clan and made plans to get him away.

Sasuke would tell him to back off later, he wanted to go home for once in forever.

He wanted his life back, his parents and friends and the safety of his home. His clan had forgiven him, Konoha didn’t hate him anymore somehow and he didn’t want to lose it.

He’d argue with them later though.

Right now, sleep called out to him and for once in a very long time, Sasuke felt safe and content enough to welcome it with open arms.

He was fine and this time, he wasn’t lying to himself anymore.