Chapter Text
"I had a way then, losing it all on my own
I had a heart then, but the queen has been overthrown
And I'm not sleeping now, the dark is too hard to beat
And I'm not keeping up the strength I need to push me"
(Lights - Ellie Goulding)
~✾~
“And?” Dionysus waggled his eyebrows impatiently as he leaned slightly closer to Athenodora. “Come on, tell me—how is he? I’d bet he’s damn good!” He smirked slyly, earning a warning glance from Athenodora. Of course, he was referring to Caius.
The barkeep had been observing the remarkably frequent comings and goings of the white-haired man over the past weeks and chuckled inwardly about it. He was genuinely happy for Athenodora.
It was early evening. The two of them were standing behind the counter, enjoying a rare moment of calm before the tavern and the adjoining brothel filled with patrons. At the moment, only a handful of guests occupied the benches before them, and even they were already served with beer or wine. Outside, the scorching heat of the day had given way to a comfortable, tolerable warmth.
“I can’t complain,” Athenodora replied with a slight grin. And it was true. She didn’t want to admit it, but every time she saw Caius, her stomach tightened with joyful anticipation.
But it was more than just good sex. She relished their conversations, the stories Caius would recount from the courthouse at the Basilica Iulia, and the fact that he occasionally sought her opinion on his cases.
As for the part where he drank her blood whenever they met, she tried her best to push it from her mind. She had no idea how she truly felt about it—or rather, she knew it frightened her more than she was willing to admit. But what choice did she have? She also didn’t want to think about what might happen when their arrangement came to an end. Would he still come to her? Would he kill her? Could she ever become like him?
A tiny part of her—a part she didn’t want to indulge—enjoyed the feeling when he drank from her. But she always tried to banish that thought as quickly as it arose.
She shook her head. She didn’t want to dwell on it.
“I’m sure you can’t,” Dionysus said, grinning. “I bet he looks just as good under that robe as I imagine.”
Athenodora thought about it for a moment, conjuring the memory of his form and the sensation of touching his chest. She inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly, forcing herself not to let her grin widen further.
“…Yeah,” she said, leaving it at that. She didn’t want to share more.
The red-haired man nudged her playfully in the side. “Oh, come on! Don’t be so tight-lipped. At least you have someone who visits you on a regular basis.”
“Visits? That’s what you call it!” She laughed—a bittersweet laugh. Because if Caius didn’t pay for her services every time he came, she might also believe his visits had something to do with actual interest in her.
“His friend hasn’t been here for quite a while. The tall one with the dark brown hair.” Dionysus sounded a little forlorn about the fact.
“Marcus.” Athenodora knew, of course, that there had been something between the two of them for quite some time, and she was surprised Dionysus didn’t call him by name. Surely, he knew it!
“Yes, him! I’d really like to see him again. Maybe you could prod your admirer a bit next time and find out why Marcus hasn’t been accompanying him lately.” The phrases your admirer and prod him gave Athenodora an uneasy feeling.
Prodding him was probably not the best idea. And while she might wish otherwise, she doubted Caius was truly her admirer. They always had a good time together, she told herself. But nothing more would ever come from his side—she knew that.
~✾~
A Few Nights Earlier:
"I hope it doesn't break your heart if I don’t stay." Caius’ words sounded only half-serious. She didn’t believe he truly cared what might happen if he broke her heart. At the moment, she was watching him sit up in bed, pull on his clothes, and rise to put a little distance between them.
She couldn’t help but smile tiredly. Of course, she would have loved to keep him there with her. She liked him a lot and valued their conversations. But what man ever stayed the whole night? Few, as far as she knew—and certainly not with someone like her.
She watched as Caius walked to the door, leaving a pouch of coins on the table before he left. Although it was customary, it still stung. But she wouldn’t allow herself to dwell on that feeling.
"Believe me, if I got hurt every time a man left me, my heart would’ve been shattered long ago." Her voice was steady as she said it. And her words were no lie. Athenodora had learned early on never to cling to a man’s promises.
She saw him hesitate, as if considering whether to ask her more, but he decided against it. No doubt, she thought, he didn’t want to burden himself with her emotions. Yet his next words caught her by surprise.
"I sincerely hope I may come back." He stepped toward her again, knelt beside the bed, and gently cupped her chin.
Athenodora held his gaze. His piercing red eyes still made her knees weak, even though she was already lying down. She raised her eyebrows playfully.
"We’ll see." A smile played on her lips. The look in his eyes suggested he wasn’t sure how to interpret her reaction. "Good," she thought.
But her answer seemed to please him, as he smiled as well—just before leaning in to give her a goodbye kiss. His lips were cold, as she had come to expect, and his breath had a bitter, almost metallic taste. She knew where that came from… yet she still wanted to pull him back to her. To keep him all to herself. But she knew she couldn’t.
"Of course, we’ll keep an eye out in the meantime for someone else with eyes as red as yours," Athenodora said after they parted, as Caius stood up again.
"That would be truly helpful. I’ll gladly compensate you for your assistance—you shouldn’t do it for free." His tone was serious. The blonde tilted her head and furrowed her brow. He said it so casually, as if it meant nothing. But for her, her girls, and Dionysos, it would be a support they could hardly refuse.
Caius didn’t wait for her reply. He was already walking toward the door. Just before he opened it, he turned back to her.
"And Athena?" She looked up again, feeling a cold shiver run down her spine at the mention of that nickname. No one else called her that.
A brief pause hung in the air as she looked at him expectantly. He seemed on the verge of saying something, but something held him back. Was it hesitation she saw in his gaze? No, she must be mistaken.
"It was nice. Truly." She saw him avert his eyes immediately, as though he feared her reaction. It was almost charming.
She had to smile. With a warm, somewhat teasing tone, she added, "Now go! Before I really do want to keep you here—we both know that’s a risk we can’t take!"
~✾~
"That encounter had been harmless," the brothel owner thought to herself. "Back then, you weren’t foolish enough to let him see far enough into your heart to actually hurt you. Unlike just a few nights later..."
Athenodora thought back to the night before last. Dionysos wasn’t the only one who had noticed how often Caius visited her—far more than was necessary to resolve his case. But she didn’t complain. She enjoyed her time with him immensely, even if she’d never admit it aloud.
The problem was that she had started to like him a little too much, to let him get a little too close. And she hated herself for having spoken words she could no longer take back…
~✾~
They had just been talking about their first encounter at the slave market because Athenodora had been curious why Caius had ultimately decided to speak to her. In the process, they touched on Hestia again, and Athenodora expressed how horrifying she found it that the woman had been so brutally torn from her old life and thrust into slavery through no fault of her own.
“It’s always shocking how wildly a human life can veer in different directions,” Caius remarked, taking a strand of her hair between his fingers. The blonde woman sighed, as if in agreement. For a moment, there was silence. Then Caius continued, and she had the distinct feeling that he was weighing whether or not to ask his next question. “Where do you come from originally, if I may ask?”
Athenodora couldn’t help but press her lips together and stare into the darkness. Silence fell. She didn’t want to answer. She felt uncomfortable with him dwelling on such thoughts about her—not because she didn’t want the attention, but because she feared the answers she couldn’t bring herself to give.
Everyone who worked in the brothel knew they could ask Athenodora nearly anything. She was always open and accommodating. But this topic? This was forbidden territory. And, for the most part, those around her respected that.
But he wasn’t human… and he wasn’t really part of her circle.
When she still hadn’t responded after what felt like a minute, Caius pressed further. “Your mannerisms and the way you carry yourself are too refined. I’d wager you weren’t born into the fate of a brothel owner. Or am I mistaken?” His question sounded playful. Why not, after all? To him, this was all just a game.
Still, she said nothing, only taking a deep breath in and out as if to signal him to drop the matter.
Her head and part of her torso rested against his chest as she listened to his words. Both of them were still unclothed, covered only by a light sheet.
She tried to listen for a heartbeat that wasn’t there as her fingers traced lightly over his scarred skin and she inhaled his scent. Even though she knew with absolute certainty that this man possessed no heartbeat, she still found herself searching for one…
“Tell me, who or what cursed you to such an existence?” He just wouldn’t let it go! Her stomach tightened, but she tried to suppress it. Still, she gave no answer, hoping he’d simply drop the topic. She felt his hand begin to stroke her arm gently, as if sensing her tension. “No matter how great the debt, escaping a situation like yours isn’t hopeless.”
At that, she furrowed her brow and propped herself up on his torso to sit upright. Her pale blonde hair fell loosely around her, a sight that Caius clearly seemed to enjoy, judging by his expression. But Athenodora didn’t care in that moment.
So that was what he thought! What gave him the right?
Angrily, she stared down at the white-haired man beneath her, wondering how he dared to make such assumptions.
And yet, in the end, she couldn’t entirely fault him. His words weren’t cruel but rather filled with concern. And she believed him—brutal though his honesty was—that there had been no malice in what he’d said.
She forced a smile to her lips, one that downplayed the weight of her emotions.
“Oh, stop it! Surely there are others you could judge instead of me!” she teased, half-serious, half-playful, giving him a light punch on the arm. Caius smiled in return, breaking eye contact briefly before wrapping his arms around her, shifting his weight, and rolling them over so she was now pressed down into the mattress beneath him.
“Apologies, I can be overly direct at times,” he said, though it didn’t sound apologetic in the slightest.
For a moment, he lifted a hand to brush softly along her hairline, sending a pleasant shiver through her body. It was maddening! This man was so unnervingly cold in so many ways, yet there was another side to him—a gentler one—that occasionally surfaced, as it did now.
She tried to pull herself together, shaking her head slightly. She had to remind herself that her anger was directed not at him, but at herself. “No, I appreciate directness. You’re just wrong. My situation has nothing to do with repaying debts.”
“Then what is it?” Caius pressed further.
Athenodora sighed. She had to gather herself for a moment; his assumptions had hit a sore spot. One they’d skirted around before but never fully illuminated.
She didn’t want to talk about it, and she felt it was nobody else’s business. And yes, she could dodge the question or lie. But why? What good would a lie, one meant to protect her image, do with this man, whose brutal honesty she found so enticing? He wouldn’t see her any differently than he already did. And if he did, what would it matter?
“It’s true, I wasn’t born into the life of a brothel owner. But I’m very proud of what Dionysos and I have built.”
“No doubt,” he replied simply. The vampire sensed there was something about her he hadn’t yet uncovered, and he burned to know what it was. He had wrestled with himself during their past encounters, trying to extract the information he wanted.
Athenodora grasped his arms and shifted her position again, a movement he allowed, finding himself pressed back down into the mattress with her above him now.
“Still, I don’t intend to continue living this way forever. I won’t always be as young and desirable as I am now.”
Caius wanted to argue with her, but time had taught him that her assessment was accurate.
Athenodora didn’t know why, but the fact that he didn’t contradict her stung.
“So you’re doing all this for a reason,” he concluded.
“Yes… at least, it began that way before it became my reality.”
For a moment, both were silent. Athenodora wrestled with whether or not to tell him more. Did he truly want to hear what she had to say? Was he genuinely interested? Or was he merely curious?
“I’d like to hear how it came to this,” he said.
She met his red eyes in the darkness again, searching for any trace of insincerity, manipulation, or morbid fascination. But she found none. Caius, lying beneath her like this, seemed oddly vulnerable to her. Almost as if admitting his interest in her was such a risk that it left him completely defenseless.
“Let’s just say I learned early on to put more trust in a man’s actions than in his pretty words.”
"That’s rather vague again. You might need to explain it to me in a bit more detail."
Athenodora pulled away from him, sitting upright so she could look at him directly. He mirrored her, adjusting himself against the back of the bed.
She took a deep breath and exhaled slowly before beginning to speak.
"My parents were very wealthy. I come from a highly regarded family. Naturally, they only wanted the best for me, which meant I was to be married off to a good match as quickly as possible."
"And that didn’t sit well with you," he deduced.
She sighed. "Yes… I was naive enough back then to believe that one should only marry for love." She shook her head, both at her own foolishness and to hold back the tears threatening to surface. It was a topic she usually avoided.
She had never truly spoken about it before, and now it felt like everything was catching up to her. "Oh, I was so stupid!" She let out a teary laugh, blinking quickly to clear her vision as memories of that time flooded back.
But, of course, Caius noticed. "Hoping for love and affection isn’t stupid, as far as I can tell. You’re being very hard on yourself." She couldn’t know that Caius reflected those very words back on himself as he spoke, silently scrutinizing his own choices. After all, it was far easier to give advice to someone else than to follow it oneself—especially when he was someone who had always denied himself love.
Yet Athenodora found comfort in his words, and after a brief pause, they encouraged her to continue.
"There was an artist back then, Antonius was his name. I truly loved him—or at least I believed I did. And by his words, he loved me too… Of course, I foolishly believed him!" She shook her head, angered by her younger self. "He wanted to run away with me, to be free together and explore the world. If only I would renounce my parents and my old life, I could belong entirely to him, as he so often promised." Her tone was bitter as she spoke, her lips curving into a sad and regretful smile.
"Oh, and believe me, I wanted nothing more than that! To be pressed into a life decided by others, to smile prettily and look presentable just to be 'good enough' for some man—that was utterly revolting to me!… It took me too long to realize that my parents encouraged all those things in me for a single reason: They wanted to secure a good life for me."
Caius listened attentively. Of course, to him, this was all rather trivial. But it clearly weighed heavily on her. "What became of Antonius?"
The blonde woman let out a bitter laugh. "He took everything from me. On the very first night we spent together, he took all I carried with me, and I never saw him again. I had run away with him, made a grand scene in front of my family, declaring that I would leave and didn’t want this life anymore, and suddenly, I found myself completely destitute."
She shuddered involuntarily, the emotions of that time cutting deeply into her even now. For a brief moment, she felt as exposed and vulnerable as she had back then.
"But you could have returned to your parents." Caius's tone was expressionless, perhaps to avoid intensifying her feelings.
Athenodora’s eyes glistened, and she had to look away to keep her tears in check at the thought of her parents.
"I wanted to spare them—and myself—the disgrace. After everything that happened, it was better for my parents to believe I was dead than to face the disappointment. I couldn’t look them in the eye again. Our last words… were far from peaceful."
She tried hard, but her tears now escaped in small streams. She hastily wiped them away as soon as she noticed them. Then another thought crossed her mind, one she was truly ashamed of, and her voice grew even quieter. "And… I truly loved him. I believed his words! I couldn’t fathom that it had all been a lie." Though she had already averted her gaze, she now lowered it completely, closing her eyes briefly.
Caius watched her silently, making no move to embrace her or wipe her tears away. She regretted what had happened—it was written all over her face. She couldn’t tell if he thought her foolish and naive or if he was simply showing respect for her emotions by not reacting.
Athenodora took a few deep breaths to compose herself. Yes, she felt sorrow, but she didn’t want to display it so openly and transparently before Caius.
When she opened her eyes again and looked at him, her gaze and voice had regained their strength. "I believed in so many things when I was younger. Fate, true love, that wishes would come true if you just believed in them hard enough… but that’s not how life works. Not for everyone, at least. People disappoint you. And you, in turn, disappoint others… I disappointed my parents. I alienated very good friends, all because I thought it would make me free."
She pressed her hand to her forehead and shook her head again. Why had she told him all of this? She didn’t want to look at him, so she impulsively swung herself out of bed, pulling the fabric on a nearby chair tightly around her body before sitting down at a small desk cluttered with unpaid bills.
"This must sound terribly foolish. Even as I speak about it, I realize how absurd it all is."
Though she had her back to him, she could feel his gaze on her. Her stomach twisted, and she caught herself desperately hoping that this story hadn’t lowered her in his esteem.
"If it comforts you, it’s very human." Caius's words were neutral. She tried to detect an emotion in them but couldn’t. "And I don’t think your parents wouldn’t have forgiven you."
She turned to glare at him. Those words struck a nerve. Though his tone was as detached as before, they felt like an attack.
After all, he hadn’t seen the hurt and anger in her parents’ eyes. He didn’t know them. He didn’t know how domineering her mother had been or how disappointed her father was in her decision. In her.
"They’re stubborn, just like me. I tried to explain my perspective to them many times, but they never wanted to listen or understand."
"Perhaps, in time, they would have." Athenodora felt a fresh surge of anger rise within her. Such a statement could only come from someone immortal! After all, he had all the time in the world. She, on the other hand, did not. "If they had seen that you regretted your decision."
"But that’s just it! I don’t regret it! I regret how foolish and naive I was! But I never wanted the life they led!" Her words sounded more defiant than she intended.
The white-haired man inhaled deeply, fixing her with his gaze. She could see what he was thinking but not saying aloud. "And this life is better?"
"Oh, that’s irrelevant now!" she snapped, turning away from him again to regain her composure. She would much rather drop the subject entirely. "We have to live with the choices we make. And my life could certainly be worse." "But it could also be far better," she thought, though she didn’t say it aloud.
She didn’t see him, but she heard him rise as well, walking around the bed to stand beside her. Her breathing was heavy, and her heart was racing far too fast. The entire topic upset her greatly.
She didn’t want to look at him, but when he still hadn’t spoken after several seconds, she glanced up to glare at him. When she did, she noticed he was still naked, unlike her, who had hastily covered herself. His long white hair was slightly disheveled, and she mentally patted herself on the back for her handiwork.
"Indeed, we must." What she didn’t know was that he was already contemplating helping her improve her situation once the case was resolved, perhaps by introducing her to influential contacts or something similar. He didn’t say it aloud, knowing she would likely be too proud to accept his help.
Another thought, one he had entertained several times before quickly dismissing, was turning her into an immortal. The idea of her aging and eventually dying pained him in a strange way, but he refused to dwell on it. He had already let himself get far too emotionally involved with her.
He had wanted to hear her story because he was interested in her. And he didn’t like that realization one bit. Even now, he stood before her because his curiosity had caused her sorrow. And he realized he didn’t want to see her sad at all. "What you’ve built here is quite impressive, I must admit." And it was true. He genuinely respected her for it.
Athenodora seized the opportunity to de-escalate the situation and change the subject, adopting a playful smile and raising her eyebrows challengingly. Her expression shifted in seconds, and he could only guess she had practiced it countless times in front of a mirror.
She rose so they were eye level again and crossed her arms over her chest. "As a woman, you mean?"
Caius let out a dark laugh, sending a fresh thrill down her spine. "You know, it’s always fascinating how the female role is so often portrayed as subordinate, yet history proves their equality—if not superiority—to the male. After all, entire wars have been waged over a single woman."
"Oh, I’d love to hear more about that!"
She watched as the corners of Caius’s mouth curled slightly upward and he extended a hand to pull her back into bed with him.
~✾~
Athenodora had greatly enjoyed the rest of the night, but her spontaneous outburst had unfortunately remained an uncomfortable memory. Even though Caius had not mentioned it again afterward, she still didn’t want him to think she was weak and, above all, too talkative for him to seek her out again. She knew he didn’t pay her for the words she spoke.
"Even though he obviously asked you about your past... maybe he is interested after all?" whispered a soft voice in her head, and she briefly lowered her gaze. She was still standing behind the counter with Dionysos, now looking at the surface in front of her.
"Speaking of nocturnal admirers," Dionysos said next to her, pulling her out of her thoughts. "Didn't you say I should keep an eye out for people with eyes as strangely red as your nocturnal admirer’s?"
"Nocturnal admirer... that phrase again!" she thought. "Yes, why?" She looked up at him questioningly.
"Well..." He gave a slight nod forward. His eyes seemed to rest on a guest. "I’m not going to point at him, but I’m pretty sure that man over there has never been here before."
Athenodora followed his gaze, and her eyes widened noticeably as she saw a brown-haired man who, from his clothing, posture, face shape, and haircut, seemed like a completely average Roman citizen. However, one thing stood out clearly.
His fiery red eyes.