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He knew he was bad luck, but this was ridiculous.
Clemont gave a panicked glance towards Bonnie, who was too busy chasing Dedenne around the floor and railings of the top floor of the Battle Chateau. He knew that it wasn’t right to rely on his little sister, someone who he should be looking after instead, but she was the only person who would understand his worry. Help him get out of this tight spot. Take away some of this heat, that judgement, those expectations. You know. The problem at hand.
(That is to say he’s trying to avoid the gray eyes marking a target on his back. That is to say that he wished he was anything but himself, small and scared, just like always.)
Why are there two Gym Leaders here, today of all days? He can probably understand why Viola did it, having only returned to her Gym to deal with a very persistent Ash and share stories with her sister, but him? Now? Even with Viola staking claim around the Chateau for the day?
He tried to take small steps away from the building discreetly, slipping away from the group discussions and raised voices and towards the landing of the nearby staircase, up until the moment where a long, dark arm slung themselves over his shoulders. “So, what did you think of the battle, Dynamite?”
Gears and starters.
He turned around, trying to laugh off his fright (and secret attempt of escape). “Oh, hey Grant. Long time no see?”
Grant gave him a bright smile, which to him looked vaguely ravening. “Calling it a while is definitely underselling it, my dear Clemont. I’ve been missing your soft edges for ages, kid; you could at least try to look more happy. Especially with the rush you were going in.” The younger teen groaned, pushing his hair up. Foiled once more. It was the Cyllage Gym Leader’s turn to laugh, ruffing his hair back down. “C’mon, don’t be so blue. And don’t try to slink out of this conversation, it’s kinda sad seeing you try to go off on your own without so much as an adieu.”
“Whyever would I do that?” he asked, looking as innocent as he could. Please, if any Legendary was listening, at least give him this one break.
Those fine eyebrows raised just a few inches higher.
He’ll get it done, he promised. One day.
“So,” the older man prompted, “Any thoughts?”
If that’s all he wanted. Maybe it won’t be so bad afterall… though he still kept a wary eye out. “Well, you were better than I remembered, that’s for sure.”
He shook his head. “Nice try, but I’m sure you know what I mean. The kid you’re travelling with, the one from Kanto that challenged Viola a while back. He’s no rookie trainer, is he?”
“Um, no. He’s definitely experienced, but I never did a Gym Battle with him. A small informal one, once, but it was interrupted.” No point in talking about Team Rocket; the last thing he wanted to do is give him more reasons to detain him. “He’s an interesting Trainer for sure.”
There was a glint in Grant’s eye, that familiar look that everyone who knew him would groan about. That face he would make when he sees a wall worth climbing. “Hmm, so that would settle why you’re out and about with him, then.” At the boy’s worried expression, he waved it off. “There’s no shame in travelling as a Gym Leader. I know you’re a stickler for the rules, but we all leave our post sometimes—and no, not just Viola and me. You need to learn how to loosen up, Dynamite, or otherwise you’ll just—” He mimed an explosion, complete with dubitable sound effects.
His face may have reddened a bit as he ducked his head down. “I know that! It’s just that it doesn’t make that much sense to me, that’s all. And I’m not really ‘travelling’, I’m just observing him.”
“Observing him? For what?” Patting his back, he gave him a soft look. “Sounds like there’s more to it than that, kid. I– Well, we’ve been meaning to ask you, by the way, what did happen to your Gym?”
He froze. No, not that. He did not spend a fortnight staying at the Lumiose Pokémon Centre like some random Trainer, dodging his father and somehow dodging the city entirely in this journey, throwing up lies at every turn just to get that question face up. Just to get cornered once again. And it’s worse, because it’s Grant who’s asking.
(He should’ve been stronger than this. Smarter than this. Better than this.)
The man kept talking, oblivious to the nervous shutdown his fellow Gym Leader was suffering. “I’ve been hearing from some of the Trainers that they didn’t quite get a warm reception at your Gym as of late, and everyone else has been getting the same comments when I asked them about it. You do know that the Gym Badge system isn’t really necessary, yeah? You can never judge an opponent by the Badges they have. I’m sure your new friend is a good example of that.”
It’s worse, because he has no backup. No plan, no invention, no help. Just his rapid heartbeat, such weakness, and the taller man in front of him. His hands tightened around the straps of his bag, and then he remembered.
“...Hey, Clemont, are you alright? You look like you’ve seen a Ghost-Typ—”
The Aipom Arm swung forward, pushing Grant away as the teen ran away towards the stairs, running down them as fast as he can, hands shaking and breath quickening in panic because what did he do why did he do it why—
He knew he was bad luck, but sometimes he wished he wasn’t.
“Hey.”
A muffled sound.
“Look, Clemont. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have pushed.”
His face was still hidden inbetween his wobbly knees. The Aipom Arm had retracted back into the bag, but the three fingers on it twitched reflexively. A side effect according to one, a tell according to another.
“I thought that maybe you were overworking yourself these past few months. These last few weeks you barely answered my calls. When I checked around I heard that you were stuck in your lab most of the time… and to be honest, I just really missed you and your spark. I didn’t mean to make you feel bad.”
The older man hovered his hand over that small curved back, rising and falling with each shaky breath. He waited for a bit, before pulling it back into himself, covering it up with a subdued laugh. “I’ve never been good at reading people that well, and everyone makes fun of me for being that clueless. I try to hide it by being positive all the time, but I should understand where the limits are. My Pokémon are a prime example of that. You remember Amaura and Tyrunt, yeah?”
A low hum.
A small metaphorical step forward. “Those two are polar opposites from each other the more I see them every day. Tyrunt is a a bit of a spoiled baby and would never take no for an answer. I have to be strict with him a lot, or otherwise he would literally trample me. Amaura is the opposite: she craves love and affection but is scared to go get what she wants. I got to encourage her or otherwise she would never go beyond her comfort zone. I can’t treat them the same way or I’ll hurt them, but there are always exceptions to the rule, and every day I find that we’re covering more ground together as we work to understand each other.”
“...Like me and my Pokémon.”
“Yeah. Maybe I should’ve started with that. How are your Pokémon doing? Are they okay?”
The teen froze, before shrugging his shoulders. “My Gym Team won’t listen to me,” he confessed, a quiet whisper marred with shame.
“What happened? If that’s okay for me to ask.” He tried so, so hard not to suck his breath through his teeth. No wonder why he was so wound up…
The kid raised his head a bit, looking at him through slightly-fogged glasses. After squinting at him, he sighed and sat up, pulling the glasses away and cleaning it with a spare cloth. He didn’t let his gaze meet his face, but that was okay. At least he was doing something now. “It’s, um, a long story. And it’s my fault basically. I thought I could balance being a Gym Leader with being an inventor, but I guess I was wrong.” He tucked the cloth away, staring down at his lap.
A slight breeze flowed past them, ruffling their hair. The sun was briefly covered by a passing cloud.
“Hey. I don’t know what happened, but you’re wrong for thinking that’s wrong.” The man cracked a smile at the skeptical look he was given, and leaned back onto his palms behind him, facing the sky. “Of course it can be done. Almost all of us Gym Leaders have a side job or hobby going on. You know I’m deep into sports and exploring. Viola runs around the region doing photography while trying to claim top spot in the Chateau, which is stupid because it’s closer to me than it is to her. The Shalour folk are Mega Evolution specialists, and Laverre is big on fashion. I’ve heard that Anistar is full of real-life psychics and the Leader there can look into the future, Courmarine relies on theirs to help maintain the land and Grass-Types, and Snowbelle shelters Pokémon in need. And it’s not just in Kalos! Ask your friend, in most regions Gym Leaders have their own thing along with their usual job. Sometimes being a Gym Leader is a secondary job to them in the first place. You’re not the exception to this rule.”
“But how?” He looked down at his knees and his shaky hands gripping the rim of his glasses. “How can you have the time? How do you not lose your focus? How do you not fall too much to one side? What am I doing wrong?”
He put his hand on his forearm, frowning at how tense it was. “I’m not saying it’s easy, Dynamite. It takes a lot of practice to get it right, and you can never really get it perfect. For Sundial’s sake, we get it wrong all the time. The other year I got caught up in the ‘rivalry’, I don’t have to say what it is, and got stuck endlessly training Amaura to use Thunder Wave. Yeah, smart move, I know. A Rock-Type specialist trying to beat up a Bug-Type with an Electric-Type move.”
“The paralysizing effect would be useful, though,” the teen murmured, hands loosening as he listened intently to the story.
Grant smiled, closing his eyes and swaying his head in the air. “Hmm, you would say that, Monsieur Electric-Type Genius; but it’s still good to know that past-me had some approval. Well, contrary to my tunnel vision, I still had a lot of young and green challengers coming my way. And they were not ready for my higher-level attacks and using the same Electric attack over and over again. Racked up quite a few complaints, heh.” He opened his eyes and put a hand at the back of his neck, slightly wincing at the memory. It was not a good time, getting chewed out by the Pokémon League for that.
A reaction that was noted by the boy next to him. “So what happened next?”
He gave him a shrug. “I had to think about what I did, and how it affected everyone. It’s all well and good getting competitive with a fellow Gym Leader in our spare time, but it’s not fair for those trainers who just came to me to get a badge. And it wasn’t fair for me to keep pushing Amaura that hard, or neglect Tyrunt. And it wasn’t fair for me to hole myself up in that mindset. So, I looked around that ledge I put myself in, and chose another path to climb up. A different approach, you could say.”
“A different approach?”
“Yep.” He popped the ‘p’, giving him a playful grin. “You wouldn’t believe how much that works, finding a new path up that cliff edge. It doesn’t help anyone to worry on that same ledge, and going down is a waste of time, so the only way to go? Upwards, Dynamite. I rested up Amaura a lot more. Polished off Tyrunt's Rock Tomb with a new strategy. Focused on my challengers, and helped them to learn instead of just learning by myself. Small things that really change things. You get it?”
The boy chewed the insides of his cheeks, thinking to himself long before speaking once more. "I think I do get it, at least a little. Thank you for bearing with me as I am now... And I guess I should apologise for earlier. Attacking you like that is beyond rude and hurtful, and I should've had a better grip on my emotions."
Grant looked at him, curled up and small. Smaller than usual. Trying to disappear into the outdoor steps and never return. He let his voice drop, to meet him at his level, on his own ledge. "Hey there, I know you didn't mean it. And it was really my fault, for cornering you like that. I'm just happy that you're still here." With us. With me.
He doesn't know how much he missed him.
"Even though I messed up?"
He doesn't know how much everyone cared, and maybe that's going to take a bit more than one talk.
"You didn't mess up. You made a mistake. Well, a few actually, but it's not a mess. Just an obstacle between you and the summit." He paused, before adding, "Let me tell you something for a change: I'm grateful that you trusted me even after my slight social blunder back there."
“You couldn’t have been worse than me,” he said in a low voice, before shaking his head and hiding himself in his knees again. “I don’t know how to fix it. How to fix anything. It feels too big for me to even know where to start, to be honest."
Grant thought for a bit, before clicking his fingers. "Let me ask you a question, and feel free to just not say anything if the truth hurts. Have you told your other friends yet? About what happened."
Clemont opened his mouth, then closed it again. He licked his lips, and the older man could just about see the cogs turning in his head. It was about time for him to realise that this burden wasn't only his to bear. To let some of that unnecessary stress off his shoulders and think about what he can do with the help of others for once. That in the end, he was never truly alone.
(In a way, that was something that Grant had to learn too)
"No," he confessed, wiping his eyes with his arm in one quick motion. "It... never really came up. Well, I made sure it didn't come up to be entirely honest. But it's not like Ash didn't know where the Gym was anyways, so I wasn't lying or anything! And before you ask, my dad doesn't know either, so please don't tell him anything." He gave him a desperate look, eyes shining as he finally made eye contact, and Grant realised how much this has been weighing on his friend. "It's only me and my sister who knows what happened, and I guess you too and I don't want it to get out. I know what I said before but I'm sure that somehow I'll find a way to fix it, really. Just give me some more time."
His Pokémon wouldn't listen to him. He was probably locked out of his own Gym, if he was that worried. And he hid it so well, for so, so long.
(There's a duty to the League, to the Trainers that come for experience and the city that hosts the honour of testing them. There's a duty to your fellow Gym Leaders, and your Pokémon, and your friends and family. There's a duty to the world, and to passerbys, and to people who really need some help.
There's also a duty to yourself.)
There were so many questions on the Cyllage Gym Leader's lips, just begging to tumble down in a glorious Rock Slide. Questions that will sate his hunger of the unknown, of the problems and troubles and hurt. At least to understand.
All he said was, "They're not going to think less of you just for asking some help."
There was silence next to him, and he could see the body next to him jump in a buried hiccup. The teen's arm wiped at his own eyes faster, and his voice was on the verge of cracking when he suddenly burst out, "But it's my own problem, Grant, don't you understand?! I made this whole thing, and I need to fix it. I can't even call myself a-a Gym Leader of Lumiose if I can't even fix my own stupid mistakes—"
"Hey! Hey." He grabbed his arms, pulling them towards himself. Clemont shook his head and faced downwards, face red. His whole body was shaking in heaving gasps, and there were tear marks on his face, and Grant knew, okay?
He knew he was pushing it. He knew that the line was drawn ages ago.
But he's not going to leave a friend behind, Volcanion-damn'd it.
"First off, you're not stupid. Your mistakes are just mistakes. Everyone makes them." He made sure to keep eye contact with him, steady and strong. "The only thing that's stupid is that you've been hiding it for this long without asking for help. But I won't lie, losing what you've lost sounds terrifying, even to me. I can't imagine losing my team and my home for a day, and you've been dealing with it for a while now. But to fix a mistake you'll need the courage to face it, you get me? And before you start saying that you don't have any of it, well, you're here now, right? You've came this far. And the neat thing about courage is that it grows with friends and allies, and, well, I don't particularly think you're very short of them."
He stopped talking, if only to let the idea sink into his head. Instead, he just continued to sit next to him and breathe in and out, modelling calmess all the while. After a while he softly lowered their hands to the space inbetween them, resting on the steps outside the Battle Chateau. He didn't really expect to see him today, but he was glad that it worked out that way. Talking to him outside in the open air, working it out.
After a while, the shaking had stopped and his breathing had evened out. Slipping his glasses back on his face with one hand, Clemont stared at the ground and swallowed thickly. "I pushed them away so much. Not just my friends and family, but my Pokémon too."
"It's not going to be easy," Grant repeated, looking out to the sky ahead of them. It really was a beautiful day out. "And it's scary, but that's what courage is for. And inner strength. And the want to be a better person than the one you are yesterday. The only way you'll make it to the top of this mountain is by starting the climb upwards, after all."
"Hmm." The teen started to lean a little on him unconciously and he let him. They've never been that touchy before, but today was a day of firsts. Seemed fitting.
....And he's probably getting softer. It doesn't matter. "Maybe you should start talking to your friends about all of this. I'm sure they can help you more than I can, seeing how you're all travelling together. And it's a good starting point, if anything else."
"I guess..." He sat up straighter, adjusting his shoulder straps. He thought for a bit, before nodding to himself. "Thanks a lot for your help. I mean it, really. Even though I'm still not really sure why you did help me in the first place."
"I'm sure you knew what to do all along. All I did was give you that last push. And honestly, why do you think I helped you out?" Grant flashed him a grin, and it was the one he made when he conquered an insurmountable summit. Cocking his head, he let out a hearty laugh and said, "I mean, I hope that we are friends by now, right, Dynamite?"
"I don't even know why you're even asking at this point." But he sitting upright, facing him now with clear eyes, and that was another win for him.
He got up with a sigh, stretching his arms and back. "Okay, we've been out here for a while, and I'm sure everyone is getting worried about us. I don't trust Viola's ability to keep everyone entertained when we're out here enojoying the sunshine, so let's head back. If you're ready, that is."
And despite himself, Clemont smiled and said, "As ready as I'll ever be."
"So I'm guessing it worked out?" a female voice spoke next to him as they entered the building again, slippery and light. He looked away from Grant to watch Viola wave a hand from a little ways ahead, smirking at the two of them, before giving Grant a deadpan face.
"Hey! Don't pin this one on me," he yelped, putting his hands up. "I told you that I asked the others about you way before."
"He's not wrong," she said, walking with them once they reached her location on the stairwell. "Let's cut to the chase; it's not every day that we see you walking around, especially out of Lumiose. Paired with the stories my sister's been telling me about the Gym there and Grant blowing up my phone with worry about you 'falling off the mountain-top'—"
"I said grid the first time!"
"—Well, who am I to not notice? Taking pictures requires the truth, and let me tell you it was written all over your face here that something had happened. So maybe I predicted that you'll be coming nearby and I might as well drag Grant into this, if only to get some answers." She shurgged, before patting his back in an unexpecting show of concession. Maybe even quiet appreciation. "I definitely didn't expect anything out of today, though, so colour me suprised."
"Did I mention how happy I am that I beat you today," the older man drawled. "Because you're just giving me more and more reasons, Sunshine."
Viola rolled her eyes, stopping in place to stick a finger out at his face. "I wouldn't be so confident next time. No one can outspeed me and my Surskit, and I'm going to make sure that fact stays fact. You, on the other hand, might as well give up while you're ahead."
Clemont sighed, knowing that once they started it was impossible to extract them apart except if it was by their own free will. "Thanks a lot guys. I'm going back up now, so, um, enjoy your talk?" They both gave him an affirmative gesture and he shrugged, shifting his bag into a better position on his back and walking forward.
Forward with a new heart. A new resolution. The will to act, rather than watch.
Step by step. Up that mountain.
Once he reached the top he shielded his eyes from the bright glow of the lowering sun, spotting the others at the same balcony as before. "Hey guys, I'm back."
"Welcome back, you," Serena called out in response with a friendly wave, right when Bonnie held up Dedenne and proclaimed, "We're gonna beat everyone here and get the biggest cape!"
He gave them a smile, stopping to stand next to them. "Sorry for—" He held his tongue, remembering. Owning up. Right. "Um, well, so did I miss anything important?"
His younger sister huffed, ranting about the capes and colours and levels and 'how come you don't go?' while Dedenne squeaked up his own explainations. His other friend chimed in about what fabrics they would've used, the nice stitching, how regal and beautiful the whole place was, and maybe his heart calmed down, just a little.
Courage. One step at a time.
Ash tripped on the last step, Pikachu jumping off his shoulder as he chittered in alarm at the state of his owner. The boy he defeated chuckled, giving him a hand up, and Ash scratched his cheeks in embaressment before the girls came over to check his new fit. Once the teen noticed him he waved, pointing at his gift and calling him to, "Come over, c'mon, it's really comfy! You should try wearing it too!" and starting a whole other argument with everyone.
His gaze flicked over to the two Gym Leaders below him, making grand sweeping gestures as they talked down below. One of them noticed his gaze and twinkled her fingers before going back, shaking her Pokeball in the others face. He chuckled despite himself and walked over to his own group, feeling... a little lighter. A little more self-assured.
Become better than you were yesterday. In the end, that's what it all boiled down to. That's his reason.
(He's observed Ash more than enough by now to know, but it wasn't only Ash either— it was also in Serena trying out new things, and Bonnie playing with new Pokémon)
The Lumoise Gym was waiting for him.
Walking up to the others he appraised Ash and his cape as he twirled around, excitably talking about the next Gym and how much experience this gave him. Bonnie shot him a concerned look, almost mentally asking him about their next plan of avoidance, but he shook his head. Now more than ever. This won't haunt him anymore.
So when Serena offered up Lumiose City as their next destination as they walked out of the Chateau, talking about all of the bakeries and fashion stores and, "Oh look, there's even a Gym there!"
Well. He didn't try to fight back against it.
("Are you sure? Last time I went, I got kicked out for not having enough badges."
"Really? Can Gyms do that?")
Now, he said, "Who knows? But in any case, I'm sure that the Gym Leader is looking forward to battling you this time around!"