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It was a normal day for izna, the girls having been given a free day because of how many things they had done during the last few days. Jeemin found herself on the living room early in the morning with a cup of tea watching some random TV show, none of her fellow members being awake. As the only one of them that enjoyed getting up early she always had this alone moments in the morning, specially if they had nothing to wake up early for.
She loved her members and they got along really well, but sometimes she needed this little moments to decompress and get herself ready for the hard (but still fun) hours she had ahead of her. Still, it didn’t made her any less happy when suddenly one of the doors of the bedrooms opened, Koko coming out of it.
“Good morning Ko-Chan! How did you sleep?”
”I slept good, I am so happy we get to rest today.” The Japanese girl answered, dropping herself onto the spot in the sofa that was right next to Jeemin “How did you sleep unnie?”
”Good too, I had a little trouble to fall asleep in the beginning but nothing some relaxing music couldn’t fix.”
“What are you watching?” Koko asked, looking at the TV with curiosity.
In the screen there was some kind of American (maybe British, she didn’t know) show, the protagonists of the show being in a bar while they talked to each other in English, the Korean subtitles translating their conversation.
“Just Brooklyn Nine-Nine. It’s this comedy show about cops, it’s really fun, you should see it.”
“Hm… It does look fun.”
The two of them watched in relative silence, sometimes commenting something from the series if they found it particularly amusing. After the episode they were watching ended and a new one of the same show started Koko left to the kitchen to get something to eat, the older girl accepting the younger’s proposal of bringing her some.
Jeemin was focused on the show when a few minutes later the Japanese came back with some cereal for both of them, giving one bowl to her unnie as she sat back where she was earlier and refocused on the series. It was almost as soon as she did this that one of the characters, Rosa, said something that would never be said in any Korean (or Asian, for that matter) show: She was bisexual.
This had been just what had made her wake up so early, not the show itself, but the need to know what her members thought about those type of people, the people who were part of the LGBTQ community. Koko looked at her unnie as subtly as she could, trying to see if there was any change in her expression, any sign that she found the thought of someone not being heterosexual bad or disgusting.
She wasn’t as subtle as she thought though, Jeemin noticing the other’s odd behavior seconds after it began. Wanting to know what was up she turned to look at the younger girl, who looked like she had gotten caught doing something bad, and asked her:
”Something wrong Ko-Chan? ‘Cause you are acting kinda strange.”
“I…Unnie. I have something to ask you, but I am scared of what you will think about it…”
Knowing the conversation was going to get serious, the older of the duo paused the show, making sure her full attention would be on her dongsaeng’s words.
“You know you can tell me anything right? I could never think badly about you, no matter what you told me.”
The younger girl stayed silent for a few more seconds, her eyes nervous as she did all she could to avoid eye contact with the other girl. That worried Jeemin greatly and let her know even further the seriousness of the conversation they were going to hold, as Koko was usually someone who easily did eye contact with everyone. The Japanese was anything but shy, so seeing her avoid her eyes made her concerned about the other girl.
“Jeemin-unnie… What do you think of gay people? Like, girls who like other girls…”
“Oh… Are you asking this because of the show?”
“Well, the show gave me the time to ask it but… I was already planning to do so.”
Why would Koko plan to ask about such a thing? Was she… Was she gay herself? Was that why she was so nervous to ask her about her opinion about the topic, because of the possibility that she would hate her for who she was? She couldn’t let her think like that, she couldn’t let her think that she would ever hate her for something that came as natural to her as breathing. She had to be subtle though, just in case she wasn’t planning to come out to her in that moment.
”Well, I think they are the same as girls that like boys. I find it really stupid that some people don’t accept them, they are as normal as the rest of us.”
“You really think that unnie?” The younger asked, hope laced on her voice as she said so.
“Yeah, of course! Would you hate someone because they have blue eyes instead of brown ones? Having brown eyes is the most common, but having blue ones is just as natural and normal as having them brown.”
“I guess you are right unnie…”
“I always am.” Jeemin teased, wanting her dongsaeng to cheer up a little.
Koko looked like she was going to say something more about the topic but she didn’t, saying a few seconds later:
”You can put on the show again, unnie.”
”Okay.” The older one said, complying and pressing the okay button on the remote.
As the two continued watching the TV show Jeemin subtly watched Koko, hoping that she was at least able to help her a little and that, when she was ready, she wouldn’t feel nervous coming out to her.
(…)
It was a couple of days later and Jungeun was on the small balcony of their dorm, sitting on a chair as she read a book that Sarang had recommended to her. It was a pretty nice book and she was surprised she liked it that much considering the different kind of taste her friend and her had on books.
It was at that moment, while she was completely focused on the book, that someone touched her shoulder from behind her, the young girl screaming in surprise and almost falling from her chair. She was quickly steadied by the one that had surprised her, Jungeun looking up and seeing that that person had been Koko.
”Sorry! I didn’t know I would scare you.”
”It’s okay, unnie.” The younger girl reassured, giving the other a smile “I was just very focused on my book.”
“That’s the book Sarang told us to read right?”
“Yeah, it is!”
“Should I read it then? Is it good?” The older asked curiously, the need to know what the other thought about the book distracting her from her current mission.
“You should, it’s really interesting! By the way, did you need anything unnie? Or you just wanted to surprise me?”
”Oh right! Yeah, I didn’t come here just to surprise you…” Koko said, her tone turning a little somber as she sat down on the other chair that was placed in the balcony.
Noticing the change in the other’s mood, Jungeun marked the page she was on and closed her book, wanting to give all her attention to the words the Japanese wanted to say. As she carefully watched her unnie wringing her hands on her lap, her curiosity and concern for the other grew, not sure about what was making Koko so nervous.
“Jungeun-ah…” she finally started, taking a deep breath before continuing “How would you feel if someone from the group ended up… Liking girls? Like romantically.”
What? That was not what she expected at all. Why would her unnie ask her something like that out of the blue? She didn’t know the answer to that, but she did know the answer to the other girl’s question.
”I would be okay with it.”
”Really? Like… You wouldn’t feel uncomfortable or anything?”
“No, not at all. If any of the members liked girls they would still be the same person I met, just that I would know a new piece of information about them.”
Koko sighed in relief before quickly standing up and hugging her dongsaeng, extremely happy that the two members she had asked about this had been so open-minded about it.
”Well, you can continue reading you book! See you later!”
As the Japanese girl abruptly left the balcony and ran inside, Jungeun was left dumbfounded not knowing what had just happened. She had some theories starting to form in the back of her mind, but as she opened her book again to continue reading she didn’t try to dig deeper into them. She knew that she would end up finding out eventually.
(…)
Three days later Mai was in the kitchen, preparing dinner for all her dongsaengs. Seeing as she was more of a night owl and that Jeemin liked to get up early the two had reached an agreement: She would cook dinner and the younger girl would cook breakfast for their fellow members. It was a routine the Japanese girl had quickly become accustomed to, enjoying the calm moments she was able to spend focusing on cooking and nothing else.
Being the oldest of the group was as equally rewarding as it was tiring. Not only was she expected (or maybe she just gave herself that pressure) to take care of all 6 members of the group but she also had to set a good example of anything they did: singing, dancing, you name it. Since she had joined I-land 2 she had improved greatly on her idol skills, but she still felt sometimes as if she had to be better prepared just because she was the unnie of the group. Sometimes she would find herself comparing to her fellow members and how they seemed to do everything better than her but she tried not to dwell on that, knowing that it was her insecurities trying to take her down.
Her thoughts were interrupted when the door to Koko and Sarang’s room opened, the Japanese girl emerging from the room with disheveled hair and a sleepy look on her face. The girl looked so cute that it made the oldest laugh, her fellow Japanese member pouting adorably when she heard her.
“Don’t laugh at me Mai-Chan, I just woke up!” The younger said in their native language, as they used it whenever they were together and their members were not around.
“I’m sorry Ko-Chan, but you just look too cute! Also, you shouldn’t be taking a nap this late in the evening, you are not going to be able to sleep now.”
The younger’s pout only grew stronger, the girl sitting in one the stools that were next to kitchen island, curious as to what the other was cooking for dinner. As the dancer looked at her unnie cooking, none of her other members around, she knew this would be the perfect opportunity to ask her about what she had asked Jungeun and Jeemin a few days before, as she didn’t know when else she would be able to get her alone without raising suspicions from the rest of izna.
“Do you want some kimchi on the side Koko?”
”Yeah sure… Thanks.” The younger girl answered, gathering all the courage she had on her body and continuing “Mai-unnie, can I ask you something?”
The aforementioned took her gaze away from the vegetables that she was cooking as soon as she heard those words from the other, wanting to give her all her attention.
”Sure, you know you can always ask me anything Ko-Chan.”
”Would you hate someone if they were gay? Like, I don’t know… One of our members?”
Mai was left a little baffled by that question, leaving the chopsticks she had been using to cook in the table as she contemplated her answer. Of course she wouldn’t hate anyone for being gay, specially one of her dear members, but it still made her wonder what had caused the younger to ask her something like that… Was she just curious or was she gay herself? Or maybe… She suspected one of their others members was and was conflicted about how to feel about it?
”If any of our members turned out to be gay, I would not hate them. I know that in Japan and in Korea it’s very frowned upon, but I don’t think that is important. The important thing about someone is that they are a good person and that they do not intend harm to anyone around them. That fits our members pretty well, don’t you think? So I would not have any reason to hate them, even if they liked girls.” Mai said, a subtle change in expression in Koko’s face letting her see that she was relieved by her answer. “You can always ask me anything but… Is there a reason you asked me about this topic? It is a pretty random thing to ask about, specially after an afternoon nap.”
“No… Just curious”
Mai sighed as she heard her dongsaeng’s answer, both girls knowing that she would not believe that. Still, she decided to leave that topic alone, as it was clear she didn’t want to tell her why she had asked her about it.
“Okay then… But if you ever do want to talk to me about this for a reason and not just because you are curious, you know you can tell me why, right?”
”Of course, Mai-Chan. Thanks.”
After those words from Koko the two of them stayed in a comfortable silence, the older hopeful that when time came and the other was ready to open up about her worries about the topic, she would be one of the first to know.
(…)
As soon as Saebi heard that there would be a firework event near their dorm she had rushed to convince her fellow members to go to see it with her. Of course, as always, it was impossible for the members to say no to her, so they ended up getting ready quickly enough to go to the event after they were also able to convince the company to leave them go alone.
Getting out of the apartment building, the 7-member group walked together to where the show would be held, excited about the fireworks as they all loved them. It was nice to go out together like that, no obligations or nothing to worry about as they all talked. In the few months that they had been a group they had gotten very close, to the point where Saebi was unable to even imagine how her idol journey would be be without any of them.
As they reached the park where they would be able to watch the fireworks they all sat down on the grass, Jeemin and Mai having brought some blankets so they could sit without getting dirty. The maknae of the group put herself besides Koko, being quick to hug the older girl’s left arm and to put her head on her shoulder. The other smiled as she felt her dongsaeng’s weight on her shoulder, just happy to be able to share this moment with her and the rest of her members.
As they all waited for the show to begin, Koko was abruptly forced out of her calmness when she heard Saebi gasping beside her, her gaze on a couple, a gay couple, a few meters away from them, the two girlfriends giggling while they fed each other some broccoli. The Japanese girl was surprised at the other’s reaction upon seeing the couple, the reassurance she had felt as she got to know that three of her members were accepting of the LGBTQ community completely slipping away at the possibility that the youngest of them all didn’t think good about them at all.
Not only was Saebi blatantly starting at the couple, but her face was contorted into a disgusted expression, that detail making Koko’s heart drop to the bottom of her stomach. Apparently the maknae noticed her unnie staring at her, turning around to look at her, her expression changing to one of concern when she saw that the other was clearly upset.
”Unnie, are you okay? Why are you sad? Did you hurt yourself during our walk here? Maybe we should call a doctor to make sure… Or mayb-“
”Saebi stop.” Koko quickly interrupted the other’s rambling “I just… I’m disappointed that’s all.”
“Why? Did something happen to make you feel like that?”
The older sighed, clearly feeling upset because of the maknae’s actions. When she had planned to know how the members felt about gay people, she didn’t really expect the youngest to be the one who didn’t accept them, specially if the older ones did.
“You shouldn’t be looking at that couple like that, you know that right?”
“Huh? What do you mean unnie?”
“I heard you gasp earlier when you saw them. They are just like us. There’s nothing disgusting about their love Saebi.”
Koko expected anything to happen after that. Maybe Saebi would defend her ‘reasoning’ to dislike gay people, maybe she just tried to change the topic, but what she didn’t expect was for the maknae to start laughing, the laugh not at all mocking or taunting, but like if Koko had just told her a really good joke.
”Saebi! I am not joking, it’s not funny.”
”But it is though.” The maknae answered between her laughter, breathing deeply a few times to calm herself in order to be able to talk and convey what she wanted to say better “I wasn’t looking at the couple, unnie. Well, I was looking at them, but not because they were a couple but because they are eating broccoli. Who on their right mind would eat broccoli? That’s the sin.”
“Oh.” The Japanese said, dumbfounded by the other’s words “So you really don’t hate gay people?”
“Me? No! My family has always been open about it, specially because my aunt is gay herself! She got married last June in the US, so I guess I have two aunties now. She is really nice… The last time I saw her she took me out to ice cream and the funniest thing happened we wer-“
Koko interrupted Saebi’s rambling again, but this time she did it unintentionally by hugging the younger girl tightly a relieved laughed leaving her and she squeezed the maknae of the group. She quickly changed her position though, hitting the girl’s arms as soon as she separated from the hug and saying:
”You are so dramatic! You would think they were killing someone and not eating some broccoli.”
”Hey! It is a crime! Who can even eat that stuff?”
”I can!”
The two girls laughed together, the rest of the members looking at them with smiles on their faces, not knowing what they were laughing about but happy to see them enjoying themselves nonetheless. As the firework show began, the group admired not only the bright colors but the bright future together they had ahead of them.
(…)
Talking to Jiyoon wasn’t always easy, specially if it was about a topic as controversial and sensitive as the LGBTQ community. Koko had been trying to delay talking to her as much as she could, but eventually as the members she could talk to started to get fewer and fewer, she knew she would have to.
It was three days after her talk with Saebi in the park when Koko finally got her opportunity (and gathered the courage) to talk to the older girl. Jiyoon was sitting alone on the sofa, scrolling through her social media with a neutral expression on her face. Sitting down next to her unnie, the girl quietly took her phone out too, pretending to be using it as she tried to think how to approach the topic. Of course, being as perceptive as she was, Jiyoon was quick to catch her.
“Koko.” She called still looking at her phone, making the younger look at her with wide eyes “Is there anything you wanted to tell me?”
“Um… Yes, there is.”
That made the older girl take her gaze away from her phone, the vocalist putting it down and looking at Koko. Seeing as the Japanese didn’t speak after a few seconds she said:
“Go ahead, I am listening.”
“Well… I…” she started, her voice wavering as she felt her unnie’s eyes on her.
“If you don’t want to tell me that’s okay Koko. You don’t have to tell me something you don’t want.”
“I do! I do unnie, but I’m just a little nervous about how you might react…”
“Did you kill someone?”
“No! Of course not!”
“Then I swear I won’t react badly. Now spill.”
Koko breathed deeply, trying to calm her nerves. She didn’t have anything to be afraid of, this was Jiyoon, her unnie and the proud wearer of a plushie puppy bag, how could she be scared of her?
”How would you react if… If someone from our group was gay?”
The older girl’s eyes slightly widened in surprise at the question, but she didn’t say anything else. It took her a few (nerve racking) seconds for her to answer:
”I wouldn’t.”
“What… What do you mean?”
“Well. I wouldn’t mind if someone is gay. It would be as if someone told me they liked tea more than coffee. I don’t, but I don’t mind if someone else does. So I wouldn’t react, because it isn’t a big deal. I just would listen and move on I guess.” The main vocal simply said, hoping she had made her thoughts clear to her dongsaeng.
Koko smiled at the other’s answer, relived that the talk had been much easier that she had made it out to be.
“Something else?” Jiyoon asked, grabbing her phone again as she saw the other shake her head in denial.
The two stayed in a comfortable silence for a while, the Japanese girl deciding to stay there with her unnie as she really checked her phone this time. It was after five minutes had passed since the end of the conversation that the older girl softly said beside her:
”Thanks for talking to me… Hope you know I will try and help however I can.”
”I know, Jiyoon-unnie. Thanks.”
(…)
It had been a few days since her last talk about the LGTBQ community and Koko was feeling much better than when she had started her journey of asking all her members about their thoughts about gay people. She had been nervous, fearing that one of them would be homophobic and hate her for even asking the question of what they thought. She hadn’t talk to much people of her age about this topic, but seeing her members, all from different backgrounds, being all so accepting made her feel a little more hopeful for the future.
Now, the seven of them were eating dinner together, all of them laughing and talking while they ate. Their schedules as K-Pop idols were hard, but they always tried to make sometime to eat breakfast and dinner together so they could spend some time with their fellow members. Currently, Koko was intently listening to one of Saebi’s stories, the girl rambling about the time she and her friends had gotten stuck in their school over the weekend.
“…so after that we tried going out of the other window, but it wa- .”
“Sarang, are you okay?” Jeemin suddenly asked, interrupting the story of the youngest and making all eyes fall on the aforementioned.
Now that they thought about it, the girl had been quiet the whole dinner, stuck on her mind while eating in silence and only answering if the questions were directed at her.
“Me? Yeah… Just tired I guess.”
”You sure?” Mai asked, her voice clearly giving away her worry for the other girl “Maybe you have a fever… Do you want me to go get the thermometer?”
“I am sure, there is no need to check for a fever.” Sarang answered as she tried to avoid eye contact with all the girls in the room, her body language saying something completely different.
“Something is still wrong, isn’t it?” Jungeun questioned as she put her hand on the other’s shoulder, all the girls placing even more attention on the 07z when they saw her nod.
“I… I don’t even know where to start.”
“You don’t have to tell us if you don’t want to Sarangie. We’ll wait for you to be ready” The oldest whispered, still loud enough for all of them to be able to listen to her.
The girl’s gaze landed on Koko’s, the Japanese (knowing what had her so nervous) giving her an encouraging nod. Sarang breathed deeply after that, taking her eyes to her interlocked hands and saying in the strongest voice she could muster:
”I…I-I am gay.”
There was a few seconds of silence after the girl’s coming out, but soon enough that silence was replaced by the members trying to reassure Sarang when they saw tears starting to fall down her face. The 6 girls stood up and hugged their member, everyone letting her know that they accepted her just as who she was and that nothing would change because of that.
“You are dating Koko-unnie too, aren’t you?” Saebi suddenly asked, making everyone but specially Sarang and the younger Japanese look at her with surprise in their eyes.
That surprise quickly turned into recognition and agreement from all the girls except the ones from the supposed couple.
”Is that why you asked me what I thought of gay people?” Jeemin asked the younger Japanese girl, the answer never coming as Jungeun exclaimed:
”Wait! She asked you too? I knew there had to be a reason but I didn’t knew which… Saebi you are a genius!”
“Aw, that’s so sweet Koko, you risked yourself so Sarang wouldn’t have to.” Mai said, sounding proud of her dongsaeng.
“You two make a good couple, I’m happy for you. Just no extreme PDA please, you are still kids.”
“Jiyoon unnie-“ Sarang whined at the last words, embarrassed.
“We are not dating. I don’t even like girls!”
“Koko-unnie, you don’t have to deny it!” Saebi said, throwing her arms around the Japanese girl as she said so “We already caught you, there is no need to lie to us.”
For the first time since she came out Sarang let out a little laugh, looking relaxed and not afraid anymore as she said:
”She is not lying Saebi. I came out to her like a month ago and I wanted to tell you all too but I was too nervous so Koko-unnie told me that she would ask around to make sure you would all be accepting so I didn’t have to be worried anymore.”
“Oh.” The maknae said, looking a little bit disappointed “Really? Are you sure you two aren’t dating?”
“I’m pretty sure I don’t have a girlfriend Saebi.”
“Sarang is right. I just wanted to help her out. We aren’t dating, unfortunately for her.”
“Aww, I wanted you two to be dating! It would have been so fun to tease you.”
Laughter echoed across the room after the maknae’s words, the kitchen filling once again with the sound of them talking and eating. It was a few minutes later, while everyone continued their conversation than Sarang’s and Koko’s gazes met, the younger smiling thankfully to the older. The Japanese smiled at her friend, the two of them going back to what they were doing before their eyes met, one thought filling Koko’s mind:
She was just happy that everything had turned out okay in the end.