Chapter Text
The past two days were full of deafening silence. Luca came into the laboratory, continued research on perpetual motion, and then left. Neither of the two made eye contact unless needed. Luca left the laboratory after a painful “Bye, Professor,” both times making Alva’s chest hurt.
Alva could only hope that he arrived the next day. The pursuit of perpetual motion, the vestige of Herman Balsa, was about the one thing that kept their studies going, if not for the lingering faith they had for one another. The possibility of never being able to fix what he broke could've given Alva grayer hair than normal.
Both surprised and relieved, Alva flinched at the knock on the door. Luca came in with his usual books and tools, and the dark face that came with. Alva’s mouth opened, but he swallowed the words. It was too soon.
In the past hour, Luca spent time reading The Skeptical Chymist and Alva spent time reading letters. At least the last letter wasn't important— just an update about an alleged gas leak at the academy. It got tossed into the garbage. He took a few minutes to brainstorm his approach, then all that was left was to do it. He cleared his throat,
“Luca?”
His student remained motionless: as he was reading, his knees pushed against the desk until he was balancing on the two back legs of the chair. A chill crawled through his skin from how cold Luca was.
“What?”
At this point, they’re relationship reverted below mentor and mentee. He didn't even have the decorum to respond properly.
“Excuse me?”
Luca’s voice shrunk, “P-Professor.”
It hurt all the same. Alva winced, “Could you come here please?”
Luca slotted the bookmark in between the pages. The tension was thick; he could feel it in the room like it was standing in the middle of the two, taller and bigger than Alva was. Luca walked over with his head down and shoulders slumped.
Alva turned in his chair to face him.
“I’d like to talk,” He pushed the hair from his view with a finger. Luca frowned.
“Talk about what? You said—”
“I've made up my mind,” He interjected. His hand reached out to Luca’s shoulder, but he took a step back. It only thickened the tension that was already keeping them apart.
“I thought you already made up your mind, have you not?” Luca said coldly. Alva clenched his fist. He knew getting through to him was going to be complicated, especially since he stopped using his first name. It had to be out of spite.
“Please,” He looked at the floor,
“I deeply, deeply apologize. I didn't want to ruin our relationship, but I was in a tough spot and needed time to think it over.”
He let the words spill out, making sure everything he needed to say came out before Luca could interpret anything incorrectly. Luca crossed his arms. His face read like he wanted to be optimistic, but didn't want to get his hopes up. The conflicting feelings felt like he could be in his own version of a Behavioral Despair Test. It was the demeanor he had whenever he was one step closer towards a new invention— a theoretically impossible invention— yet feared he would end up two steps behind like the past hundred times. The possibility of success was enough to push him forward.
He mumbled. “What is it?”
Conducting his own Hope Experiment, Alva forced a smile.
“If we want a relationship, you need to promise to keep it confidential. As long as we and my profession can coexist, we can be together.”
Luca’s expression stayed still. It was like waiting for the lightbulb of a basic circuit to light up after flipping the switch, hoping that he did the steps correctly.
The lightbulb finally lit up. Luca’s eyebrows rose.
Alva made another attempt: He held out both of his hands. Luca looked at Alva’s empty palms, down at his own, and then uncrossed his arms. He held them out too. Alva grabbed them, then kissed the back of his hands.
“I beg of you to please keep it between us. Alright?”
He saw a red tint surface to his cheeks. He nodded,
“Yes, but… I just don't wanna pressure you into a relationship or anything.”
“You aren't. Trust me. I want this as much as you do.”
Luca’s lips pulled into a half smile. Luca walked closer towards him, and hugged him. It lit a fire so bright and blinding his eyes watered. Luca’s chest rose against his, then held a breath. Luca inhaled against his vest.
“I’m sorry,” He exhaled shakily, “I was being a jerk.” Alva pulled him in closer. Luca laid on his chest for a few, then he looked up at Alva. His lips twitched,
“I shouldn't have said any of that. I’m such a—”
“Shh,” Alva hushed, “It's okay. I forgive you.”
They stayed in one another's arms for a while, just the sound of buzzing from the desk lamp and one another's breathing. Alva took note of Luca’s, the long inhales and exhales being forced as if he was smelling him.
“Can we go to your room?” Luca asked. Alva’s stomach turned; his heartbeat was so rampant it could be thumping against Luca’s ear. He smiled.
Alva lay down on the pillow, and Luca got on top of him. He shoved his lips against his mentor’s. After a long time of thinking about what he wanted to do, he didn't feel guilty for kissing him. Letting go was probably best for the two.
Luca used more tongue than Alva would've liked, but he somehow grew to enjoy it. Their hands were in each other's hair, all over each other’s bodies, like they wanted to combine into one. Luca felt their erection’s rub up against one another.
“Alva,” He shuddered, “Can you… give me a blowjob?”
Alva’s shoulder's tightened up. He’s probably done that at least once in his life. When? He wasn't sure, but it was a long enough time to be concerned if he would do well then.
“I could try.”
Luca sat on the end of the bed and began to take off his pants. Once they slipped out of both legs, Alva’s eyes lit up.
“D-Do you mind keeping those on?”
“What? My pants?”
“No,” Alva scoffed. Then he became shy again, “The garters.”
Luca had black sock garters almost up to his knees, holding up his brown socks. Luca swung his legs.
“Oh. Is that a kink of yours~?”
“I hadn't considered it until now.” Alva sat up as well. They switched places, now Luca on his back. Alva couldn't get enough of the way Luca looked in only white briefs and black garters.
He pulled the briefs down, and the sight made his throat dry up. Luca was half hard. It started with his neck, leaving trails of kisses down his front. He massaged his belly with his thumb, then finally placed his lips on the tip.
“Mm. I've never had this done to me before,” Luca twitched. Alva moved his head down halfway, and his student spread his legs further and moaned.
“Is that so?” Alva asked while giving Luca a few strokes, “So I’m your first for a few things.”
“Yes,” He whimpered at Alva’s mouth further down his shaft. His fingers combed through his long, pale hair, “Your mouth is so warm.”
Luca’s short nails against his scalp made his neck tingle; it was comforting and loving. He felt Luca almost fully harden in his mouth. He removed his lips, and went to kiss the inside of his thighs. Luca still vaguely smelled like Alva’s own body wash along with his natural scent. His hand moved down his leg, hooking his fingers under the garter.
He licked the slit. A unique taste sat on his tongue— Luca’s sensitivity was delightful. Alva couldn't wait to see him at his most vulnerable, for him and him only.
“S-Stop,” Luca lightly tugged Alva's hair and huffed, “I don't wanna come yet.”
“Already?”
Luca pouted, “I told you, I’ve never gotten a blowjob before!”
Alva smirked. He caressed Luca’s hip bone, admiring the blush tinting his face.
“Do you know how to prepare yourself?”
“Yeah,” Luca closed his legs. Alva wasn't sure why he did so, knowing what was to come, but he found an opportunity to pull at the garters.
He’s caught Luca before… somewhat. He's heard his name in a salacious breath, but has never actually seen it. The image of Luca in such a private manner— it sounded so humiliating on Luca’s end, but Alva wanted to test it out.
“I have a request,” Alva said. He made sure to make direct eye contact with Luca,
“I’d like you to do so now.”
Luca’s eyebrows raised so far past his bangs.
“Wh-What? Why? Your fingers are longer.”
Alva patted around the bed to find the lubricant. He held it up over Luca’s knees.
“The idea is… interesting.”
Luca grabbed the new bottle of lube. He had the face of someone who was walked in on; the request seemed to already get him worked up.
“Okay,” He swallowed, “Okay. Just finger myself?”
Alva nodded. He held Luca’s legs, the two of them pulling them apart to a degree. Alva watched him squeeze a good amount onto his middle and ring finger. He started with the middle. Alva watched his knuckle sink into his entrance.
Luca whimpered behind his bitten lip, “Fuck. I've only ever done this—”
“By yourself?” Alva smiled.
Luca saw the zeal in Alva’s face. He stopped for a second, as if he was actually caught in the act during one of his stays here.
“Mhm,” He mumbled,
“I’ve… masturbated twice imagining things we could do. I couldn't help it. I've even masturbated in your bathroom once! That… one day… when I fell asleep on your couch,” Luca’s moans became breathy and much more timid,
“Your coat. It smelled so much like you.”
“Oh.”
Alva’s face burned. Not only from being reminded of that horrible day, but also the thought of Luca falling apart from the smell of his clothing alone. At least he had a proper cause for the desired effect, but to hear that was unexpected.
“I want to apologize for that again.”
Luca sighed, “Stop thinking about it. I'm sorry for lashing out at you, if anything. I was being selfish.”
“You don't need to apologize again, Luca.”
“You don't either. I forgive you. Do you forgive me?”
“Of course,” Alva said without hesitation. He found his hands on Luca’s chest and his whole body going in for a kiss. Luca reciprocated,
“Then let's let it go.”
Alva brought his attention back to the moment, and then to his near painful arousal. Luca pulled his leg further back. Alva got a much better view. He pulled down his briefs to tend to his erection. Luca scissored his fingers some more, then slid them out.
“So,” Alva leaned forward to grab the lubricant, “You've masturbated thinking about me multiple times— once in my own restroom, and with my own coat in hand?”
Luca tensed up. Once Alva’s fingers were lubricated, he inserted them into Luca. He immediately let out a whimper,
“Yeah…”
“Imagine if I walked in on you. You had to have considered that result. That probably excited you, didn't it?”
He curled his two fingers up, rubbing that spot better than Luca ever could've done himself,
“Having to keep quiet so I didn't catch you in the act—”
“Y-Yes!” Luca’s body shuddered. It was like Alva pushed the confession right out of him.
“You craved me so much that you resorted to the scent of my clothing.”
He continued to imbue Luca with shame as he moaned, each thrust of his middle and ring finger hitting his prostate causing an embarrassing sound to match.
“Yeah. It felt like a hug. But then my mind started racing,” Luca said. His arms hooked over Alva’s neck and pulled him closer,
“I’m pathetic, aren't I?”
It sounded more provoking than pitiful, if Alva interpreted it correctly. He didn't genuinely think his most important student was pathetic at all— it actually made him flustered. Though he wasn't good at it, the moderate teasing seemed to have worked.
Alva lowered his voice and painted a tacky coat of disdain over it.
“You're a pervert,” He whispered. The attempt at ridiculing Luca made his skin crawl. But then there was Luca: clenching around his long fingers and his cock flinching. The moans turned into whines. The humiliation was simply an experiment, but he somehow got the perfect reaction.
“A pitiful pathetic pervert.”
He did enjoy seeing Luca this way, but he didn't exactly enjoy ridiculing him; it was almost schadenfreude. He thumbed at the tip.
“So much pre-come. You liked that, yes?”
“Yes! A-Alva…!” Luca kicked the bed, but then his body spasmed. He was so caught up in the sight, the sound, so much so that he didn't see the signs. Come shot onto Luca’s chest. Alva jumped at the unexpected orgasm. He continued to thrust his fingers though, helping the high of the hormones die down.
Luca looked absolutely ashamed. Alva felt it secondhand.
“Did you just—”
Luca apologized breathlessly, “S-Sorry! I didn't mean to!”
“No. I intended to prep you, so I should've stopped beforehand. I went too far.”
“Ugh. Me too,” Luca said.
“It's really not a problem,” Alva wiped his hand on the sheet, “The recovery time of a prostate orgasm is shorter than a regular orgasm.”
Luca cocked his head. He looked down at the come on his chest and stomach.
“Really?”
“Yes. We don't have to wait too long.” Alva grabbed a wet tissue and wiped him down.
They lay down next to one another, patiently waiting for his body to relax.
“You like that sort of thing?”
“Uhm… I guess so.”
Alva was quick to grab his hand. He didn't know if Luca actually thought negatively about himself, but he didn't want to leave any words unsaid. He kissed his bandaged knuckle, “Also, I don't believe any of those things about you. What you said was actually… flattering. I simply thought it made sense in the heat of the moment.”
Alva imagined the scene again: Luca fingering himself with one hand and the other holding the fabric of his coat up to his face. In hindsight it was quite romantic. He found himself blushing again.
“Oh,” Luca said, “I thought you'd find it creepy.”
Alva’s hand moved to the middle of his back, and pulled him closer. “You don't need to worry about that.”
He didn't need Luca to know what he heard one day, so he kept it to himself; Luca was probably embarrassed as is from coming early and from admitting to what he did.
“Can we continue?”
Alva continued to hold his hand, “Alright.”
Luca got on top of Alva. He expected the typical position, so Luca suddenly sitting against his pelvis was startling. Alva reached the nightstand, but stopped when he heard Luca’s voice.
“Can we do it… without a condom?”
Alva honestly would've preferred without, for the sentimentality of it, but Luca was who mattered here. His safety and his feelings.
“Are you certain? It's safer, and not to mention this being your first time.”
“I’m 100% certain. I've never been so sure of something in my life— aside from an exam question or an experiment. Or something.”
Alva huffed a laugh.
“I know it's safer, but I trust you. We both made sure to shower well. A-And…”
Alva saw Luca’s lower body flinch before finishing his sentence. Truly, he wanted it as much as him, but he cared more about Luca’s safety instead of his own enjoyment. He'd enjoy it either way.
“I want you to come inside me.”
Alva shivered, the feeling then reaching his erection that was still in the confines of Luca’s pelvis. Luca definitely noticed how the comment made him react based on the face he made; he looked like he was about to laugh.
“Would you want that?” Luca smiled. It was his turn to tease, “It was one of the things I fantasized about. If I'm gonna be honest, I also imagined things kinda rough. Like you holding my wrists while you come inside me.”
Alva let out a groan when Luca rubbed against his body. He continued to talk, this time in a soft voice.
“It’s fine if you don't want to, but yeah.”
Whatever Luca said was nearly verbatim, but he didn't know whether or not he should admit to it.
“I'd be willing to do what you want to experiment with. We'll never know if we don't try.”
He tugged at the elastic of his briefs, implying that Luca should let him take them off. When he moved over, he pulled them down himself. His eagerness was sweet, but sometimes startled Alva. He eyed Luca, who was eying his length. Of all things that was what made him most flustered.
“You’re staring, Luca.” Alva mumbled.
He chuckled, “Sorry.”
Alva saw him reach for the lubricant, and let it drip onto him. It was so erotic he needed to look away.
“Are you sure you want to do it without protection?”
“Do you not? I told you already, I’m 100% certain.” Luca glared.
“I'm more than willing, trust me. I just care more about the risk than my personal satisfaction.”
“Well I don't,” Luca began to spread the lubricant all over and around his length, making it way too hard to stay still.
“1: No way in hell would I ever imagine having sex with someone else, and 2: Even if I did, I'd never let them do it without a condom. Y'know I'm pretty conservative of my time and space. I…” He took a breath,
“I love you, y'know.”
Alva’s heart could've pounded through his chest with how overloaded it was. Luca probably found it hard to say those three words as is, so Alva wanted to take them and treat them with care. Luca sat on his stomach, pulling him into a kiss like he was deprived of affection.
Alva squeezed his hand, “I love you too, Luca.”
He moved down a bit until their bodies lined up. He felt the tip right against his entrance, already feeling sparks from that alone. Alva held his waist, but inadvertently began to dig his fingers into his skin when the head was in.
“F-Fuck,” Luca squeezed his eyes shut and his legs began to quiver. He placed both hands down on either side of the bed for better support and less labor on his legs.
“Wait. Sorry…” He could barely balance his own body or his voice. Alva drew circles on his lower back with his dull nails.
“Take your time.”
He could feel Luca's legs shake from the vibrations through the bed. Alva’s self control was being tested arduously, especially as Luca inched his way down.
He sounded like he was about to cry. He gasped, “It hurts…!”
“Should we stop?”
“N-No. No. I'll be fine.”
“If it's too much on your legs, we can do another—”
Alva’s body flushed with heat. His ears were then flooded with Luca’s groans. He suddenly gave out, laying on Alva’s chest. There was less pressure on his thighs, but an agonizing amount of pressure on his insides. To be this close to Luca after so long was like the universe finally gave him some relief.
“Luca… Are you alright?”
Luca whimpered with shallow exhales, “Fuck, it hurts but… I-I don't know!”
“Don’t rush, alright? It's going to hurt, but you'll be okay. Whenever you're ready.”
His palm dragged up and down his spine. It felt like Luca’s body was squeezing him with full charge. Luca’s fingers combed through his hair. After some time, he sat up on his hands. He looked into Alva’s eyes.
“I’m… gonna try to move now.”
Alva held his thighs like he was guiding him. Luca moved up halfway, then sat back down. He continued to slowly move. Alva felt him loosen up more, letting it be a bit less painful for the two.
“You feel great, Luca.”
“You too,” Luca laughed. He still sounded like he was in pain based on the way he furrowed his eyebrows.
“Are you still in pain?”
“Mainly my legs.”
Alva tapped his knee twice. “Lay on your back.”
Luca nodded and then tried to lift himself off. He lolled his head. Alva looked down at the obscene yet galvanizing sight of his erection sliding out of Luca. That could've been the end for him. Had he not used as much lubricant as he did, a streak of blood would've been there. Luca fell on his back as Alva got on his knees. He got another chance to see how alluring the sock garters were.
“It felt like you were splitting me in half,” Luca said.
Alva crawled between Luca’s legs, “Are you alright? Do you need to take a break?”
Luca leaned back. Alva didn't take it personally— if he were in Luca’s shoes and had a man taller than the average door frame towering over him, he'd be overwhelmed too.
“N-No, I'm alright. I don't think I'm bleeding or anything.”
Alva’s hair fell into his view like a sheer curtain. Luca’s fingers reached to push the gathered hair behind his ear; Alva’s ears were probably burning hot. He bent down, placing haste kisses on his neck and shoulders. As much as he wanted to bite him, he didn't want to do so without asking. His teeth teased the already damp skin of his neck.
“Can you bite me?”
Alva’s thoughts must have been audible.
“Ah. You did say you had rough fantasies.”
“Oh. You’re a better listener than I am. I forgot I had admitted to that—”
“It’s part of my job to pay attention to details,” He said before lightly biting on his collar bone. Luca's head fell back on the pillow, “Shit…”
Alva then circled his nipples with his thumbs, and bit on his shoulder. Luca’s thighs squeezed together. He licked the marks, feeling him jolt under his touch. That made it feel all the more like Luca belonged to him.
“Good?”
“Really good,” Luca said in an oddly mono tone, “We can continue.”
Before lining up with Luca’s entrance, he squeezed more lubricant onto himself.
Alva then thrust about half way. Luca winced, and pulled Alva closer with his legs around his waist. He didn't want to move too fast, but Luca seemed to want just that. It felt like he was swallowing him.
“That feels amazing.” Luca said. Alva was all the way inside. He swiped Luca’s bangs away from his forehead, and kissed the sultry skin above his brow bone.
“I’ll start moving now, alright?”
“Mhm.”
He thrust faster than intended. His head was in the crux of this neck, so he concluded based on Luca’s voice and how his body reacted. Luca made a small sound behind his lips and sniffed after. Then on that thrust, he choked out a noise that sounded more from pain than pleasure.
Anything that didn't seem right made Alva’s mental alarms go off. He leaned up a bit, then faced Luca.
“Are you okay?”
Luca’s eyes were to his side and his breathing got more loud. Alva was quick to sit up at full attention.
“I-It’s just not fair,” Luca mumbled.
“What isn’t fair?”
“That you’re my first, but I’m not your first.”
Alva frowned. In the midst of one of the most emotional and meaningful connections he had, the other person didn't feel worthy of it. Aside from Herman, there's really no other person he's loved nearly this much. They've had their ups and downs, but Luca was so important to him. If only he realized that…
“Luca Balsa. Even though I have done this once or twice in the past, that doesn't change the fact that this means so much to me more than any of those other times. I love you so much.”
Luca blinked, pushing a tear down his cheek.
“I… I love you too.”
Alva eyed the teeth marks on his skin: a superficial symbol of their connection that did its job in the moment. He shoved his lips against Luca’s.
“You're mine,” Alva said against his lips. He thrust up. He could tell he struck a good spot by the volume of Luca’s moans and the tightening around his erection.
“Yes…!” He cried out. His arms pulled him into a tight hug; it was hard to move, but it wasn't impossible. He kept going, making Luca wince with every other thrust.
“I'm yours… R-Right?”
“Yes. You belong to me,” Alva pushed Luca’s arm off of his back, then held his hand tight. He continued to thrust gently yet thoroughly. He finally made the decision to pursue their relationship further, but to take extra precaution to make it a clandestine one. It could've been worse for them if the two neglected their feelings.
It felt good. It felt good to let go.
“I'm gonna come—!” Luca whimpered. His stomach hurt; the anxiety, the pressure, the pleasure, it all was so much. In response, Alva held his other hand, now both sets of fingers interlocked but shaking. He continued to thrust. Luca’s insides squeezed around him with so much strength it became hard to move without the current driving him closer and closer to his climax. He didn't want it to end.
Even if he wished he could be there forever, Luca moaned aloud as come dripped onto his belly. He couldn't even cover his face or stop the tears from forming, Alva still confined his hands to the bed. There was nothing else to shy away from.
“I'm close,” Alva said. He noticed Luca’s loud moans died down to heavy breathing and he seemed to come down from his orgasm. Alva moved faster, feeling his body pulse. Luca didn't know if he had the ability to feel anymore with how fast his head was spinning. Just when he thought it was unfortunately done, his body flushed with white heat.
“Alva…!”
As Alva kissed him, he thrust hard as Luca imbibed his love. Alva thumbed the tears on his face. Luca’s eyes fluttered as his lips hung open. He already reached the height of his charge, but at this point he was going to overheat. They were so warm and close as is, but releasing inside of him felt like they both were in overdrive.
Alva sat up. He pulled out, astonished at how much he came compared to Luca. Something was pooling inside of Luca the entire time, but it definitely was not another orgasm. He groped his softening erection as a tear slid down his face.
“Luca, what's—”
Luca interrupted him with a guttural whine. As the frequency penetrated Alva’s ears, hot liquid shot onto Alva’s chest. He froze up. Luca’s hips twitched. It cooled down as it hit his skin and dripped down Alva’s body.
Alva’s face burned; he couldn't imagine how his student must have felt in this situation though.
“Oh.”
“Shit, I’m so sorry!” Luca shivered. His face was in his elbow, but Alva could hear the shame in his voice. He was probably about to cry. Alva prepared for whatever was to come, but he did not expect Luca to urinate himself.
“Don't worry.”
“No! I just pissed on you! Y-Your bed—!”
Alva’s index finger brushed the hair sticking to his forehead. He needed to approach gingerly whenever Luca got upset.
“It’s alright. It happens.”
Luca’s chest rose and sank rapidly. He leaned down to kiss Luca's forehead. After an uncomfortable minute or so, Luca removed his face from his arm.
“Were you trying to hold it in?”
Luca nodded, “I went before we started, but I still…”
“I know it would be embarrassing, but you can't risk an infection.”
Luca’s words were basically sobs. Alva felt for him, seeing him cry was the worst. He smiled once they lay eyes on one another. He grabbed a tissue and wiped down his chest. Once he dragged another down Luca’s stomach, he looked down at the bed and between his thighs.
“Did it feel good?”
“I’m,” Luca took a breath, “I dunno if I've ever been happier.” He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. Luca sat up on his elbow and kissed Alva. They locked lips for a long while, then Luca turned on his side. His face strained as he pulled the blanket over himself. After being so close, the lack of body heat was unpleasant.
At that moment, Alva didn't want to be any further from one another. Kissing, hugging, anything that gave them physical contact, he itched for it. He put his hand on his shoulder, “Whenever you're ready, we should shower.”
“Yeah. Can I lay down for a bit? My legs hurt like hell.”
“Of course. No need to rush.” Alva took the hair tie out of his hair and redid his updo, making sure to gather any loose strands.
“I’ll get the shower ready—”
Before Alva could stand up, a hand was around his wrist.
“Wait,” Luca said. Alva looked down at him,
“I’m not leaving you. Don't worry.”
“I know, but… can you lay down with me— until I feel a bit better to walk?”
Alva nodded; at least he wasn't the only one feeling cold at the time. He lifted the blanket, and slid his legs under. Luca inched his way towards Alva, sitting his head on his chest. Eventually, Luca lay on top of him. The immediate touch was frigid from the cooling liquid on the both of them, but the regulating temperature warmed them up again.
Luca sighed, “I can't believe I peed on you.”
“I can believe such. It was your first time, so awkward things like that are bound to happen. It's okay,” Alva drew circles on his back with his hand.
“Have you?” His student hummed.
“I’m not as active as you think I am, Luca.”
Alva closed his eyes. The steps they've taken to get here weren't perfect, they needed troubleshooting, but he finally felt some closure. Knowing he could trust Luca with their relationship was most important.
“I love you, Alva,” Luca yawned.
“I love you more.”