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Will stared into the fireplace of their shared home, blocking the memories that came with it. He was half-listening to Molly, looking like he was paying attention when he barely registers her words.
"So I was thinking..."
"Yes?"
"Our third wedding anniversary is coming up."
Its been 3 years already, huh? For a miniscule amount Will's fingers that were holding his whiskey twitched, but Molly was not as keen into such details unlike him.
Molly paused before continuing, "I know you feel strongly about Florence... But my friend says its the perfect time for going there. If its not a lot, Will my sweet man, can we go there with Wally?"
The memories flood through Will's mind. Like the train he had fell from, the memories felt like the crash of a big fall.
Hannibal's smile, his embrace, the disappointment in his voice when he said "You've dropped your forgiveness, Will."
Their synced steps and the understanding their eyes shared until it all came crashing down again. And Will at that moment he felt tired.
3 years later, and he did not do what he said. He is always thinking of Hannibal about Hannibal, the talk of his past was a taboo in the house. Whenever Molly brought it up, Will answered half-heartedly as he omitted as much words related to Hannibal. Whenever Molly makes any comments about the said man, such as 'he was a horrible person to you Will, I understand that you don't wish to talk about him,' and 'I'm so glad for you that he's gone in your life.' It takes all energy in him not to snap his wife's neck as urged by his darkest urges for her rudeness to Hannibal.
No one would understand, that he wanted to talk about Hannibal. Chilton certainly got fed up of that topic in his stay at the BHSCI, but knowing how that rude nosy man got to publish a hit book about the cannibal, maybe it would be appreciated then. But Will never had the inclination to talk to that person, in fact he would love nothing but to see his lips ripped and his face burnt.
No one would understand him now, not when he pushed the one person who knew him better than he knew himself. Not when the person that made him feel alive, gave him his whole heart, gave him his freedom, and to whom he shared forgiveness with is caged, in a state that he felt too guilty to see and too prideful that he avoided it altogether.
He thought that with Hannibal in the cage, he would finally have the last laugh. That if Hannibal was no longer somewhere he can easily reach, he can go back to how he was before Hannibal. With nothing but the smile left in him and the halfway sawing of his brain.
The smile left on him was akin to a sacred treasure, that not even Molly whom he shared bed with and slept with could touch. Even the brush of her fingertips brought him nausea and he held all the urges to stab her in the darkest coven of his mind.
Normal people, would have felt disgusted and afraid of Hannibal's cruelty. The gruesome way he showed his love, from gutting him for forgiveness and from the act of eating his brain in an attempt to understand Will's thinking. But Will as usual was the only one who understood it.
Hannibal stalled wanting to be stopped, he didn't want to finish the job after all. How easy it was to finish Will, he had all the time in the world yet he never did. Will knew the hesitance so well, even when he had wanted Hannibal to be killed by a proxy or by himself, he just couldn't do it.
For a deep part of him would always love to see the blood spray on the two of them. To have his injuries tended gently by Hannibal's strong hands. To be caressed and adored like he was the only true beautiful thing that the other have seen.
To be revered like the finest of arts, to be prayed upon like a god, to be brought offerings and sacrifice at the altar. To hunt, and eat the rude.
Will always longed for such a life yet he settled with a mediocre one with a woman so normal. A life so happy, that he loved the idea but never the people with it.
Even now with Molly's anticipation to his response, despite her clear persuasions and her puppy eyes pleading him. All he can think of is how he longed to sit across Hannibal, to have his mind not grate at the mundane talk with his wife. But to be challenged into a battle of wits, to uncover every layer of the prose they speak of, the subtle touches, and the long staring to each other's eyes as they only see themselves in the gaze of one another.
His old life, any resemblance to it, even with the addition of a normal happy family. Felt like prison.
He longs the heat from the fireplace in Hannibal's office, the sound of the burning papers, the scent of high-end spices, the tender succulent meat of long pig, and the three-piece suit he always longed to see.
"Sure, let's go to Florence."
------
Just what the fuck was I thinking? Will sighed as he rubbed his face with his hands. Sitting at the park bench as Molly and Wally played catch.
This was an unfamiliar place, as Will's first visit was never about sightseeing. And he realized why Hannibal had wanted to show him Florence.
The city was screaming Hannibal Lecter at every corner, his empathy was being a bitch to him as he conjured images of Hannibal in his three-piece suits strolling at the place.
At the expensive shops, drawing with his sketchpad propped on one knee, looking fixatedly at the exquisite architecture, and he even imagined Hannibal striding with confidence as he spoke Italian at the locals as if he was born and raised in the country.
This was a horrible idea. Will chewed the inside of his cheek, all that he can see is Hannibal. His mind can go faster that he can consciously catch up, and his body moves as if it had a mind of its own at times.
Perhaps thinking too much of Hannibal, made his feet think that he wanted to go to the Uffizi gallery. When his thoughts catched up, he was already a step before the entrance.
He could have gone back, to his wife and child that was happily playing in the park. Because that was the home (prison) that he made himself comfortable (trapped) with, and he loved them. At least he loves the way they love him.
He should go back to them, play this sweet man that Molly had loved. The quiet fisherman father Wally had known. The leader of his pack. The normal sweet man that was happily married for 3 years.
Yet even when he was at full sobriety, Will stepped in the gallery. You just couldn't resist it, Will.
Yes. For all its worth, Will answered to the Hannibal of his inner mind. He would sometimes be there at the stream, under the shade of the trees, sometimes drawing and sometimes reading. He would head to Will's side from time to time and he would hold Will's cheek with utmost adoration and affection, that the stream quiets and all he can hear is the sound of their breathing. Or at least, the sound of a calm steady breathing his mind conjures to ease his aching.
Sometimes, Hannibal would go with him everywhere. Teasing him when he is blatantly lying, anchoring him when he wakes up from his night terrors, and Hannibal would be there at the most beautiful of places that Will found himself.
The day of his anniversary, the current day, would remind him of the memory of his marriage. Not because of the vows he exchanged with Molly (promises that he never wanted to make with her), not because of the kiss they shared (as he thought how wrong that her lips were soft and how he hated the lack of a rough stubble), but because of one wicked (delightful) image his mind had made.
As he stand waiting stiffly in the aisle as his heart and mind screamed of how wrong this whole situation was.
When the sounds of heels became the sound of the steps he knew too well. The steps that mirrored his.
Hannibal was there, right in front of him, walking towards him, with a soft beautiful cat like smile.
His lips curled slightly, the wrinkles of his cheeks made him looked more beautiful. More timely. More exquisite than anything Will have ever seen.
The birds flew above them, near Hannibal, their white wings accenting to his white three-piece suit. The batting of his lashes, the kiss of moondust on his silver golden strands, and the sun hitting his starlight skin.
Everything at that moment felt right. But the illusion ended when he reached his side. Only to become Molly, the woman he is betraying Hannibal for.
----
Will found himself again steps before the Primavera. The crowd didn't bother him, no one can hear the sound of his heart breaking.
It will never be him. The illusion at the day of their wedding could never beat the real thing that could have been. At times, Will wonders if it was so easy to kiss a woman he basically manipulated to marry him, why was it so hard for him to just kiss Hannibal as he anticipated the stab to his gut? Why was it too hard to kiss Hannibal as Hannibal tore his flannel to remove the bullet in his shoulder? Why was it so hard for him to become, to become the person he always knew he is and the person Hannibal always saw in him?
Will's pride made it hard for him to visit, he had no excuse to. For he was always good at fooling himself and of constantly denying who he truly is. Sometimes he would watch the news hoping a serial killer to difficult for the FBI to catch themselves would show up for Jack Crawford to ask for him again.
Then when he sees Hannibal, he wonders how he should act... Perhaps spiteful in case, so when he finds the opportunity to break Hannibal out of prison. No one would have expected it.
Will glanced up and the Primavera like the Uffizi gallery in general, have not changed. It was trapped in time, like the city itself. Like Hannibal and Will in their respective prison cells.
"If I saw you everyday, forever, Will I would remember this time."
Suddenly Hannibal was next to him again as he sat down to his position. Will realized he found answer to his question.
I wonder if either one of us can survive separation?
We can. But we can't live without each other. There is no meaning in life without us together. We are truly conjoined in every sense of the world.
A drop of tear rolled from Will's eyes. Then it just kept going. His body shook as he bit his lips to keep a sob from making itself known.
Hannibal... Hannibal... Just what can I do when I see you again? Do you even want to see me now? The mess that I am, have I changed, or have you changed?
Will knew the answer but he was just too afraid to face it. For afterall, he hid from the light of normalcy to shun the darkness he always did carry.
Hannibal was both the light and darkness. Like how the devil was once an angel, and how cruelty is from the same source as mercy. The same way when you see the weak you both wish to crush and save it. Empathy on one side, nevertheless cruel.
Will was afraid of having both. Trying to grasp at sand that he know would always spill to the ground. The same way how a foolish man thinks he can contain the ocean.
The repressed feelings of 3 years drowned him and he found an eerie comfort at the suffocation of his complex feelings. He felt for Hannibal, ached deeply for the said man.
After his tears had stopped, Will left the gallery. His mind conjuring an imaginary Hannibal like how it usually do when he walks alone. Hannibal was right he had everywhere to go, yet he always just wanted Hannibal to stay with him.
And when he stepped out of the doors, his eyes shook. And his breath faltered.
"Hanni-" for the first time in 3 years, Will let his name out. Barely audible yet it was there.
He's here. In front of me, true and I know its him!
Will almost run as his steps quickened, his heartbeat speeding up, and its pounding in a way that it almost leaps out of his chest.
A back he knew so well. The long dark coat. The moondust on the golden silver strands of hair. The hands kept behind him. A stature he knew so well.
The birds flew so close to him, and just like them Will was the same they long to be close to Hannibal in every way possible.
For he ached for him. He is famished of his presence. He is relieved and nourished in every way for the first time in years again.
He was steps away and Will tapped his shoulders. How quick it was for his smile to fall and for his tears to drop.
"Do I know you?" The man who seemed like Hannibal, asked him.
And Will at that moment died. He died of shame and his heart died for he mistaken someone to be Hannibal. How fast it was for his own mind to not recognize someone not to be Hannibal.
"Sorry, I- I thought you were... Someone I knew well before." So well that he wouldn't have had made this mistake if they were together.
Looking closely the man was not like Hannibal at all. He was lax and he is normal. Just a man that resembles him. How Will wanted to murder this mistake.
"Nigel!" A voice rang out in the distance, and Will just wants this day to fucking end. Maybe the world should just be destroyed at this point.
A man with starlight in his blue eyes, different from Will's dull ones. Brown curls like his approached them.
Will stepped away murmuring an apology to Nigel who simply nodded at him. And at the distance. Will grew envious of them, seeing how in love they were at each other. Looking like as if the other had strung up the stars and the moon up in the night sky. As if the world revolved around them.
And Will knew it so well. When Hannibal told him of Patroclus and Achilles. When Hannibal whispered how the butterfly that comes from the chrysallis is beyond him. And when they blurred as they dined together.
Will's heart ached so bad, that he wanted to shred his own chest and squeeze his heart to stop its beating as it longs for its other half.
Do you feel the same Hannibal? How long do you stay in your palace? Have you strayed to the rooms you have never been for a long time?
Do you love me Hannibal? The same that I-I love you?
The answer had always been with Will. As Hannibal is an extension of his pysche. Of his soul. Of his every being.
He needed to wait Will is a patient fisherman, and he would find his opportunity. And Hannibal won't be caught a second time, no matter whose lives it meant would be taken.
This is Will's becoming. A becoming that started the day he and Hannibal had first met.
----
At present, after the dragon and after the fall. Will and Hannibal have survived. Unlike the movies, the fall had been quick and the impact of landing to the water burned their wounds.
Will could remember the panic and desperation that he felt when Hannibal's heart had stopped. He pounded life back into Hannibal begging and apologizing for his last act of cowardice.
Can't live without him, can't live with him. Yet unable to part with him at all.
Will then choose life, life with Hannibal. If he lived in this world, he cannot live in it alone.
Thankfully, Hannibal lived. They were in a race with time as their wounds burned and his body cried for rest. Hannibal was prepared for the fall, which Will found was ridiculous at first, but was ultimately thankful for Hannibal being the prepared in the pair.
A boat was stationed in a nearby cavern, and Will got the boat going as Hannibal fixed his wounds and when the boat was in midst of the Atlantic, Hannibal tended his wounds.
Even when the man was holding onto his last clutches to life, he held Will with great care.
Now, Will was reciprocating that care as much as he could. They are together now in Cuba in one of the homes under Hannibal's aliases. It was a warm place with the beach in walking distance, different from the woods and snow Will is accustomed to
Hannibal is still recovering spending most of his day asleep than awake, and Will was going through physical therapy for his abused shoulder. But he had enough grip to buy a bouquet for Hannibal.
Will is not a romantic man, the most romantic he had been was when he asked Molly's hand for marriage during their first Christmas. As the snow reminded Will of Hannibal, he quicky evaded the idea of seeing Hannibal with marriage.
He never bought a bouquet for Molly, except in festive events. But now on a random Monday, Will whilst carrying their grocery stumbled upon a flower shop and when he saw the red, yellow, and, blue flowers mixed together. He knew that he had to buy it, along with some expensive wine whose name he can't quite say but he had seen from Hannibal's collection before.
Hannibal went down to the living room, some of his hair were misplaced signs of him waking up. If someone else saw this sight, they would never live to tell the tale for surely Will would have fed them to Hannibal.
The thought instead of horror brought humor to Will, as he walked briefly to where Hannibal stood.
"You're awake."
"And you're back from your shopping trip." Hannibal mused as he took a glance on their countertop. Walking past Will to arrange their grocery.
Will paced along as he shyly showed his bouquet and wine to Hannibal.
Hannibal tilted his chin with a questioning look "I do not want to presume but are they gifts for me?"
"Yes... I thought that you might appreciate the gesture. I'm not as verse on being the perfect bachelor like you are, but I thought it would be nice to give you these."
Hannibal did not question further as his eyes soften, bringing the bouquet to his nose. And his eyes sparkled as he read the wine's label.
"You know my taste quite well, the flowers are fresh and with minimal use of chemicals as well. Thank you, Will."
And Will swore to himself if bringing expensive wine and flowers to Hannibal would earn him that smile then he would every week, so that the scent of flowers never leave their abode.
The sunlight streams into their shared home. How Will have waited for his entire life to have this? He never thought that he would have someone like Hannibal.
If the pain and betrayals were enough to drive them apart then they would have been free of each other from the get go. Yet it only pushed them closer to each other.
Pain, love, hate, beauty, cruelty, and empathy. Interwined into a deep chain of bond that run between them. Strong and eternal.
And Will at that moment, realized that he had never spoke of his love in front of Hannibal ever before.
Will's eyes have soften, and he relaxed his body. His fingers held Hannibal's warm cheeks as the other nuzzle into his palm.
His heart is steady yet it beats loudly, and every fraction of his being is making a room for this memory.
The sunlight kisses Hannibal's pale skin, his hair have dulled from the lack of care in years, and Hannibal's lips were lacking of color from the bloodloss.
Yet for Will nothing could ever be as beautiful as Hannibal. Nothing could compare to the man before him, to the love that he has for him. Loving Hannibal is like loving himself, and to love oneself is the greatest love one can achieve.
He found himself in Hannibal, and Hannibal is the religion he found himself to be faithful to. He wishes to revere and worship Hannibal, devote everything that is his to Hannibal.
With three words, Will hoped it will be enough. "I love you."
Hannibal's nostrils flare and his hand mirrored Will's, "Say it again."
"I love you, Hannibal. You are everything to me. When we fell I left our fate up to chance, and I promised myself if we lived then I will live for you, for us. I will dine with you, hunt with you, go to the opera, and even go to art galleries with you. Then you'll fish with me, maybe sometimes if you're not drawing next to me. I want a life with you, Hannibal." Will's voice didn't tremble at all, and Hannibal's eyes slowly water.
Soon tears fell from Hannibal's eyes, and Will run his thumb softly to wipe those tears. With every caress he could feel Hannibal's emotions.
It was too strong that it felt like his own. Devotion. Longing. Love. Relief. Melancholy. Happiness. Loyalty.
Will hugged Hannibal in silence, as they both try to synchronize their breathing.
Hannibal looked the happiest he had ever been, and Will at that moment swore to himself that as he see Hannibal everyday fot the rest of their lives, he would always remember this time.
"I also love you, Will. From the very first moment that we've met. I longed to be close to you each day. I was afraid so I treated you harshly and I missed you so much, that I realized I never wanted to lose you. I want a life with you for a very long time. This, this is a gift that have no equal." Hannibal rambled as Will's heart felt fuller and fuller at each word that fell.
They closed the distance as their lips touched, and everything in that moment felt in place. Their hands, Will holding Hannibal's cheek and Hannibal pulling him closer. Their lips felt like two pieces of puzzle fitted to be together, and their breathing askance as their eyes locked for a moment in mutual understanding that this had always been how things should be. Nothing could separate them now, even then will never be able to. Tongue to tongue, heart to heart, and where Will had started and ended had all blurred to Hannibal. At every sensation they lost themselves to where they started and ended.
"A part of me actually wanted to start my own streak of killings just for Jack to ask me with their investigation. In that way, I get to have an excuse to see you again."
"The dragon beat you in that race then." Hannibal mused as Will chuckled.
"Yes, he did. Good thing competition is dead."
"I couldn't agree more. Would you like to help me with dinner, Will?" Hannibal's eyes had its same shine as he held Will's hand.
"Sure, and next time we can get our pig together."
"Long pig?"
"Long pig."
The two shared more cannibalism jokes at the kitchen and dining table, that anyone else would have been horrified of. But no one could have gotten closer to the two, as they were the only ones who ever longed to be close to the other.