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Zack liked to think that he was over what Shinra did to him. He was alright. He was safe. He was alive . Cloud was alright. Cloud was safe. Cloud was alive .
But there were times when Zack would still wake up in cold sweat, sometimes gasping, other times screaming through clenched teeth. Those were tough times.
Despite waking up, Zack would still shake, and he would still have more screaming in his chest, so whenever he was alone, he would smother his face into the pillow and let go of every remaining noise stuck in his throat, until he felt grounded again.
Zack had always managed to hide in those days. He would just avoid people as much as possible. For his close friends, he would plaster on a pleasing smile that he practiced everyday.
Cloud, on the other hand, was hard to fool. He was always attentive to Zack, so when Zack felt off, you better believe Cloud would be the first to notice and read him like an open book.
But the thing is, He did not know what was different this time. The dream was not as unpleasant as some of the ones he had before, but something about it left him on edge throughout the day.
Skin thrumming and prickling, Zack could swear he saw bruises on his arms that came and went every time he blinked.
Zack faced no trouble at the beginning of his day, waking up to an empty bed like he is used to, as Cloud always woke up early to start the deliveries way before Zack woke up. So Zack took the chance to calm himself down in their empty room before going to do his assigned deliveries.
Once he was at the bar for his lunch break, waiting for Tifa to serve his food, and ignoring Cloud’s searching gaze, he found himself aware of his surroundings more than attentive to the conversation between his friends.
Zack felt someone step close behind him, and his spine went as hard and straight as a piece of steel. That someone reached out, and something in Zack snapped. He did not feel himself as he turned and grabbed the person’s wrist with more strength than he intended.
“Zack?” He heard Cloud beside him, and for some reason his voice was the only thing that managed to reach his ears and bring him back to the surface.
Zack blinked, then flinched, letting go of Johnny’s wrist, which now had a slight imprint of Zack’s grip.
When did the bar become quiet?
How much time did Zack lose?
Zack willed the bile of nausea in his throat to go back down, then huffed an embarrassed laugh that had to force itself out of his lungs. “Ah, sorry about that. Was spacing out.”
Johnny’s terrified expression relaxed at that then he grinned. “Don’t worry about it bro, I’m sorry for startling you.”
Then he must’ve not gotten the memo, because he clapped Zack on the shoulder, and it took every fiber in Zack’s muscles not to seize his hand and break it right then and there.
Zack stiffened uncontrollably, but let out a practiced laugh before turning towards his now served food.
When did that happen?
Cloud’s gaze on him was sharper now, but he, at least, read the room and did not reach for Zack. He seemed like he wanted to say something, but refrained from doing so as Zack slowly dug into his food with an enthusiastic thanks for the worried Tifa.
Zack had to force himself to swallow his food. The hair on his body rising at every person’s movement as they got close to him in any way.
The moment he played with his food more than ate, Cloud’s patience ran out.
“Zack.” He called him, not making any move to touch him, which Zack both appreciated and dreaded. “Can we talk?”
Zack blinked at him, realizing that this was the first time he got a glimpse of Cloud’s eyes today. How was that even possible?
“Sure.” He replied, and watched the way Cloud’s hand came too close to touch him, before clenching and dropping.
Zack did not remember tensing up, but he felt his shoulders settle at the gesture, then glanced back up at Cloud’s hard expression when he realized that his eyes were glued to Cloud’s hand.
He followed Cloud into the stairs of Seventh Heaven after whispering a thanks at Tifa, who smiled at him softly with a nod.
Cloud’s steps towards their room were tense and rushed. Zack, knowing what Cloud was going to ask him, dragged his feet behind him unhurriedly until they were inside.
Zack closed the door with a scratch on the back of his head, confused at Cloud’s silence. When he turned towards him, a hand was reaching out for him.
Zack flinched and his back hit the door as he subconsciously backed away, then froze in realization as he watched the withered expression Cloud wore at that.
Zack willed his breath to come out steady, but there was no mistake in the way his breath shook as it left his lungs. He hid his shaking hands behind his back.
“Sorry.” He apologized, not finding it in him to elaborate.
Cloud’s jaw set, and he sighed, small and sad and Zack pressed his lips to a thin line at the pang of hurt he felt because of it.
Cloud kept his arms glued to his side, but his eyes were hard and unflinching at Zack’s. “What happened?”
Zack thought he’d hold on. Zack really thought he would be strong enough to wave it off with an easy grin, and say that he was A-Okay.
Zack was not strong. He let himself hunch and bend under Cloud’s scrutiny. “I just…”
He swallowed hard, and Cloud waited for him with infinite patience.
“I really don’t want to be touched.” He gritted out, and felt the tension in his body recede at the confession.
Cloud breathed, calm yet still tense. “Then I won’t touch you.”
Zack slumped against the door at that, suddenly feeling so very exhausted for holding on all day.
“Did something happen?” Cloud urged him, rooted to his spot even as his eyes followed Zack’s each and every movement.
Zack glanced at the floor in shame. “Just another nightmare.”
“…Ho—“ Cloud almost asked, but cut himself off the moment he started, too repulsed to even say the name.
Zack still understood him, and nodded with clenched fists.
Cloud made an angry noise from the back of his throat, but he still never moved from his spot.
Zack’s heart warmed at his effort, and he peeked up at Cloud’s face, warmth spreading through his entire body at the hard scowl he found.
“It’s okay.” Zack reassured. “I mean, it’s not usually this bad, but I’ll be fine, Cloud, I promise.”
Cloud glared at him. “It’s not okay . I wish I could bring that son of a bitch back to life just to destroy him all over again.”
Zack laughed at that, surprising himself at how easy it bubbled out of his chest. He risked a step closer, and when his body did not revolt, came up close to Cloud, staring down at him with a small smile.
Cloud’s eyes never left his, just how his limbs stayed still by his side, and Zack felt his chest flutter with gratitude, so he leaned in and pressed their foreheads together.
Zack took a deep breath at the contact, trusting Cloud not to move or touch him. Cloud did not, and it shook Zack to his core that his eyes started to sting.
He blinked once then closed them, but it was too late, the dam already broke. And before Zack realized it, his cheeks were wet, and he was fighting against a sob that shook his entire frame.
Cloud whispered his name, tone dripping with sadness, but still made no move to reach for him.
Zack ducked his head into Cloud’s neck shamefully, gasping. “Sorry…sorry…”
Cloud shook his head. “Nothing to apologize for.”
Zack sniffed and buried his face near Cloud’s collarbone, croaking out. “My body’s being stupid.”
“Zack.” Cloud said his name for the tenth time since this conversation started, and Zack felt it echo each and every time in the deepest pit of his heart. “It’s not stupid.”
Zack’s fist clenched into Cloud’s clothes, and he took his time to calm down. Taking deep breaths and willing his tremors to pass.
Zack must have blanked for a while, because the moment he blinked back to reality again, Cloud was sitting down on their bed, and Zack’s knees were on the ground, between Cloud’s spread out legs, face pressed against his stomach this time.
Cloud still kept his hands to himself. Instead, using them to lean back on the bed, as he patiently waited for Zack.
Zack blinked hard, then tore his face off Cloud’s shirt to look up at him. “Cloud?”
Cloud opened his closed eyes—when did he close them?—and looked down at him with a calm hum.
Zack winced. “Sorry, did I go out for long?”
Cloud almost glared, and Zack choked on a laugh.
“Yeah, no sorries, I know.”
Cloud’s eyebrows relaxed and he huffed with fondness that knocked the breath out of Zack’s lungs.
Zack swallowed hard, then reached behind Cloud and touched his hands.
Cloud watched him calmly through it all. Zack slowly pulled his arms from behind him and even slower, with batted breaths, decided to start small and place Cloud’s palms on his head.
Cloud understood right away, and Zack was just so grateful for him. Cloud’s hands never left his hair, stroking and brushing his fingers through his dark locks as Zack settled his head in Cloud’s lap again.
Zack took deep breaths through it all, and soon enough his heart stopped beating too hard, and his hands stopped shaking where he was gripping at Cloud’s top.
And Cloud still did not leave his consented territory, even as Zack completely calmed down.
“I love you.” He groaned into his boyfriend’s thigh. “Holy Gaia, I love you.” He repeated in a whisper this time.
He heard, as well as felt Cloud’s intake of breath, before his reply came in a mixture of calmness and shakiness alltogether. “I love you too.”
Zack slowly straightened up, almost struggling to tear himself away from Cloud. Then, he took Cloud’s hands and guided them to his face, first. Then his neck, and he had to breathe hard at the way Cloud cupped his neck in his palms.
He stayed there for a stretched minute, testing his own reaction at the vulnerability of the placement.
His heart shook for a mere moment at the beginning, but Cloud brushed his calloused fingers against his skin, and Zack’s body leaned into it.
Because it’s Cloud .
It’s Cloud.
It’s Cloud.
It’s Cloud.
Zack guided him lower onto his shoulders then arms, and willed his breathing to calm down as Cloud’s fingers brushed each and every bulged vein on his way down.
Cloud’s forehead pressed against his temple throughout it all, and Zack finally found it in himself to lean in and press their lips together in a small, short kiss that was more of a peck than anything.
Cloud responded with a gentle squeeze on his wrist and as Zack pulled away, he mumbled. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
Zack leaned his cheek against Cloud’s and sighed. Cloud waited for him, and Zack knew Cloud would wait for him even if it took forever.
“Yeah.” Zack’s lips trembled as he guided Cloud’s hands lower to his waist and stopped them there. “It’s you.”
Cloud’s arms wrapped around him immediately, and he pulled him gently to his embrace, his hug growing in pressure and strength the more Zack leaned into him.
Zack let himself be held, lips smothered against Cloud’s sideburns as Cloud murmured reassurances near his ear.
This was Cloud, his best friend. His lover. Zack trusted him, and Cloud trusted him back.
If anyone could bring him back, it was Cloud Strife. The boy who defied destiny to live and stay by his side.
He felt himself smile genuinely for the first time since he woke up, as Cloud held him into a better morrow.