Chapter Text
“Sunghoon, please,” Heeseung begged, they’d been arguing since they got back from the doctor's. “It’s for your own good!”
“I can’t,” Sunghoon insisted. “If I do that, everyone will know—”
“Then let them know!” Heeseung was reaching the very last end of his patience.
“I can’t ! They can’t know, I have to remain a beta to everyone else!” Sunghoon argued back, he was trying to convey how desperately he needed things to remain the same. Heeseung didn’t get it.
“Why? Why do you have to fake all of this? They won’t be mad at you, but please—” Heeseung continued his argument.
“I don’t care if they get mad, they should be mad, but they can’t know! No one can know!” Sunghoon shouted back, they had begun their screaming match soon after the argument began. In turn, the argument had begun right after Sunghoon told Heeseung what the doctor had said and promptly also added that he would not be doing any of it.
“Why the fuck not?! Why is hiding this more important than your health ?!” Heeseung felt like he was going insane, otherwise he could not fathom why Sunghoon kept insisting on it. Nothing was logical about his argument.
“Because I’m a shit omega, okay?! I’m a failure as an omega, so it’s better for everyone if I’m just… a beta,” Sunghoon broke. He tried not to cry, he didn’t like crying and it seemed like it was something he couldn’t stop doing recently. The last thing he wanted to admit was how inadequate he was, especially to Heeseung.
“You are not a shit omega…” Heeseung spoke softly this time, lowering his volume to almost a whisper. “I don’t think anyone can be, but especially not you.”
“You don’t know that,” Sunghoon hiccupped. “You’ve only known me as a beta, how would you know?” Sunghoon continued to sob, which had Heeseung pulling him into a hug, letting him cling onto his shirt and inhale his calming scent. Heeseung didn’t even complain that Sunghoon was covering his t-shirt with snot.
“Let me prove it to you,” Heeseung said, his voice vibrating in his chest. “Let me show you that you are the best omega, you just have to stop with the meds,” Heeseung was speaking so calmly, contrasting so drastically with how they’d been arguing prior to that. Sunghoon whimpered in his arms, but nodded. Maybe he could do it for Heeseung, show him he could be good.
“Okay…” he mumbled against Heeseung’s neck. “But the others…”
“Don’t worry about that, yeah? I’ll take care of everything,” Heeseung shushed him gently, petting the back of his head.
Once again, Sunghoon nodded. It felt strangely comforting to have Heeseung, an alpha, taking care of him in such a way. An alpha letting him relax and not worry about what everyone will think of him. An alpha who will try to make this easy for him so he can focus on just getting better. Damn, if he didn’t already have a big ass crush on Heeseung, he’d be down bad for this alone. Well, he couldn’t say this didn’t make him fall in love a little more as well. Especially with the way his hands gently caressed him and how soothing his scent was. The way he slowly guided Sunghoon into his room and let him rest on his bed, one that smelt so deliciously of him and Sunghoon just fell asleep.
There were things he still needed to talk about, in particular regarding his own health and his heats. As soon as he went off his meds, it was very likely he’d be thrown into an intense heat that would last longer than a normal one. The doctor had told him that it could happen at any point, especially considering he’d already gone into two fake-heats already. One of which he purposely interrupted. The doctor was not impressed at all with his decisions.
When he woke up, hours later, he could hear hushed voices from somewhere in the dorm. He could hear Heeseung trying to keep everyone quiet and some mild arguing. He thought he could hear Jake wanting to understand what was happening, and Riki being a little upset. Sunoo and Jungwon seemed to be trying to find out as much information as they could, while he couldn’t really hear Jay. That didn’t mean he wasn’t talking, just that Sunghoon wasn’t able to hear his voice, he might have been talking very quietly. He buried himself under the covers, not ready to confront any of them. Not yet. Besides, Heeseung’s bed was extremely comfortable and warm.
Eventually, though, Sunghoon had to get up. If not to help Heeseung out, to explain himself.
He had the intention to do so, to join everyone else, but he was so comfortable and with his eyes closed, that he ended up half asleep for a while longer. The only reason he fully woke up was because he felt a hand against his face. He didn’t flinch awake, recognising the scent even when not completely conscious. Heeseung was just calmly waking him up, checking on him. Multiple things came across Sunghoon’s mind, he didn’t know what to ask first. He wanted to know how everyone had reacted, what Heeseung had told them, if they were mad… he wanted to ask Heeseung to help him through his heat. As stupid as it was to ask Heeseung specifically, he wanted someone with him for that torture. He doubted he’d be able to go through it alone, and the doctor agreed. But he didn’t want anyone else.
“How did they…?” Sunghoon started asking, he needed to know what he’d be walking into.
“I haven’t told them everything yet,” Heeseung said softly. “They have questions, but you didn’t want them to know—”
“Can I even hide it from them any longer?” Sunghoon groaned.
“If that’s what you want, I’ll figure out how,” Heeseung told him and he meant it.
“I… My heat can start unexpectedly, and it’ll last up to a week,” Sunghoon said instead. “I don’t think I can be a beta to them anymore,” Sunghoon was trying to make an effort. If Heeseung wanted him to show him the kind of omega he was, he’d have to drop being a beta entirely.
“It’s however you want,” Heeseung insisted. “Do you want me to tell them?” Sunghoon nodded, he wasn’t even sure he was ready to let them know, but he definitely wouldn’t be able to tell them himself. “I’ll tell them, then. Do you want to be there?” At this, Sunghoon stopped for a minute. It felt unfair to leave Heeseung alone when it was his problem. He was the one faking being a beta and lying to all of them, Heeseung shouldn’t have to do it on his own.
“I should be there,” Sunghoon said, not really answering the question.
“But do you want to?” Heeseung pressed for an actual answer.
“It’s my mess, hyung,” Sunghoon murmured. “I have to be there.”
It seemed Heeseung was going to keep arguing, but gave up in favour of not upsetting Sunghoon further. Instead, he nodded and let him know that they’d be waiting for him in the living room. There was no pressure, he wasn’t being hurried at all, but Sunghoon felt like it anyway. Still, and slightly against his own will, Sunghoon got up and out of bed. He didn’t bother changing his clothes, there was no reason for him to do that. Concealing how nervous he was, Sunghoon headed over to where everyone else was. They all looked over at him, maybe it was in his mind, but it felt like they were observing and scrutinising him.
“Heeseung-hyung said he’d finally managed to get you to a doctor’s, that you need more studies,” Jungwon spoke first as soon as Sunghoon had sat down next to Heeseung. “He wouldn’t tell us what you have.”
“His heat,” Heeseung answered, way more calmly than Sunghoon could feel.
“Heat?” Sunoo questioned, he obviously hadn’t heard that right.
“Yes,” Heeseung nodded in confirmation.
“That makes no sense,” Riki said in disbelief. “Betas don’t have heats… right?” He was a bit insecure in his knowledge all of a sudden. Sunghoon wanted to run back to Heeseung’s room.
“They don’t,” Sunoo looked just as confused as he spoke. “Usually they don’t, not like that, unless…”
“Unless you are an omega,” Jungwon looked at Sunghoon inquisitively. There was no betrayal or disappointment in his expression, but Sunghoon still felt so exposed.
“He is,” Heeseung said at the same time Sunghoon nodded. There was a heavy silence that formed between them for only a second as they all processed what this meant.
“I knew it!” Jay exclaimed, startling everyone. “You are too fucking pretty to be a beta, I knew it!” Maybe it was in his excitement at being right that Jay didn’t realise what he’d said, and only a second later did he flush red at his admission.
“I’m not pretty…” Sunghoon contradicted automatically. In the same instant, he saw how they were ready to argue back. “No, I mean… Jungwon’s pretty, I’m— I’m good looking and handsome… not pretty .”
“You absolutely are pretty,” Heeseung cut him short. Jay seemed ready to argue as well, even if it meant complimenting Sunghoon in the process.
“Let’s focus,” Jungwon interjected, they could spend time trying to convince Sunghoon that he could describe his beauty with other adjectives all they wanted later. “So, you are an omega.” Jungwon stated, to keep everyone on track.
“And you’ve known this for years? Why didn’t you just tell us?” Sunoo didn’t seem upset, mostly just confused.
“I’m surprised this is the first time we hear anything about your heats, how did you hide them for so long?” Riki was curious. They’ve known each other for years and they should have seen it happening sooner. Sunoo and Jay both looked suspiciously at Sunghoon, as if they already knew the answer to that and didn’t like it one bit.
“You’ve been taking suppressants, haven’t you?” Jake did not sound surprised in the least. Honestly, he just sounded tired.
“Yes,” Sunghoon admitted, feeling judged.
“Since when?” Jungwon asked and immediately winced as he took in Heeseung’s and Sunghoon’s expressions.
“Since I presented?” Sunghoon hesitated in his response. Mostly because he was afraid of how they’d react.
“Oh my god…” Jay groaned, knowing how bad that was.
“So you never even had a real heat?” Sunoo seemed shaken, surprised that Sunghoon was even in front of them. Sunghoon wished to hide.
“Well… I had the one when I presented?” Sunghoon felt small; they weren’t attacking or chastising him, but he knew they were disappointed inside.
“Oh, hyung… that’s not—” Sunoo said, genuinely feeling sorry for him. “But the doctor said whatever damage the suppressants have caused is... treatable, right?” Sunoo tried to be positive and find the bright side.
“They need to get some tests done, but the doctor thinks it’s possible,” Heeseung answered for him, offering some space for him to distance himself from the conversation. “Most of the stuff was over-the-counter, so it’s not that strong or dangerous…”
“That’s good,” Jungwon said, nodding and noticeably relieved.
“I don’t get it,” Riki, surprisingly, spoke as everyone was collecting their thoughts. “Why?”
“Why… what?” Sunghoon seemed confused. There were a lot of things left unsaid, so Sunghoon couldn’t know what Riki was referring to.
“Why did you do it?” Riki clarified and it was the first time anyone mentioned it by being something Sunghoon did. Up to that point, everyone kept mentioning things by referencing the consequences of the meds and such, but never the fact that Sunghoon chose to take them. That it was Sunghoon’s decision.
“I think it’s pretty obvious…” Sunghoon managed to say, fidgeting with his hands and the end of Heeseung’s t-shirt.
“It’s really not,” Riki insisted.
“Hey, let’s not—” Jake tried to stop Riki from pressuring Sunghoon into saying more than he was ready.
Unfortunately, Sunghoon spoke before he could be saved from the exposure. “Because I would fail as an omega.”
Everyone stopped for a second. Heeseung tried to remain calm next to him, but even he let show how stressed and anxious he was for a second. Before Sunghoon had said anything, Heeseung had been the only one who knew what Sunghoon felt about himself as an omega. Obviously, they suspected something of the like, considering what he’d done and the bits and pieces he’d said about himself, but it hadn’t been explicitly stated before. They were all palpably worried about him now.
No one knew what to say, how to comfort Sunghoon. At the moment, they couldn’t fully smell his scent, but even as faint as it was, they could smell it being burnt and anxious.
“Sunghoon,” Sunoo spoke directly at him, moving closer as he tried to get his full attention. “I know you won’t believe what I’m about to say… but you can’t fail at being an omega.”
Sunghoon didn’t want to argue, he didn’t know how to explain what he felt and thought. There was nothing he could do at the moment, so he just rested against Heeseung and kept quiet. They knew what he was thinking and that he wouldn’t be solving this particular issue with just a talk. Heeseung had told them the doctor had recommended therapy for him, so it would be a long journey. One in which he’d be able to count with each and every single one of them, and slowly he’d be able to tell them everything.
The first thing they had to do was tell the company about Sunghoon’s update in regards to his secondary gender. To avoid any potential reprimand or punishment, they all agreed to say he had just presented late. Since Sunghoon hadn’t gone to the company’s doctor, it was easier to hide. Sunghoon might have cried later that night at the thought of everyone helping him out, even if he had lied to them. For a couple of nights, he tried to sleep without worrying about his impending heat. He knew he couldn’t avoid it any longer, and he knew he’d need someone with him for it, but the thought of asking anyone other than Heeseung made his skin crawl. Now, the thought of asking Heeseung made him freeze and stop functioning. So, really, he was in quite the dilemma.
It'd take a month of therapy for him to somewhat come to terms with what he needed, though that didn’t mean he was ready to do something about it. Due to their rather hectic schedule, Sunghoon mostly had online sessions with a therapist he had chosen. One that would definitely not tell the company anything that wasn’t necessary. He’d have at least two meetings a week, more, if possible, but with enough time between them for him to breathe and reflect on his own. Everyone had been more than supportive of him, helping whenever he needed something.
The process of ridding his body of all the meds and blockers he used to take was as painful as opening up to the therapist. At first, once his scent started becoming prominent again, he’d been so unfamiliar with it that he couldn’t stand it. Thankfully, Heeseung had been willing to scent him in order for him to find some comfort and be surrounded by a familiar scent. Honestly, he was generous enough to let Sunghoon sleep with him until he got used to his own scent.
Sunghoon had never quite liked his own scent, it always seemed to smell kind of burnt to him. But, now he realised, it was probably due to the meds. Since he’d gone off them, his scent had become sweeter and tastier. He’d say his own scent was somewhat similar to a dessert, it was warm and had hints of sweet chocolate to it. While not really complex, his scent was rich and almost tempting, he’d caught Jungwon and Sunoo almost biting him a couple of times. He smelt like melted chocolate and cocoa, with a bit of vanilla and an overall freshness that was incredibly inviting, according to the others.
Still, the stress that his heat was causing to him mentally was overwhelming, and he knew it’d sour his scent in no time if he spent too long thinking about it. As a possible strategy to help him navigate this new aspect of his life, his therapist recommended he talked about it with someone else. The moment he’d mentioned Heeseung and how he was unable to talk to him about it, his therapist had proposed going to someone else. Maybe, someone he trusted enough to tell them about this, but that wouldn’t be involved in it.
That’s how he ended up in Jake's bed one night, despite Heeseung’s pout and insistence that he could stay with him longer. Sunghoon really wanted to go cuddle Heeseung one more night, but he needed this conversation, and he needed it to remain private.
“What’s stopping you from asking?” Jake was genuinely confused. “Because you can’t tell me you think he’ll say no, I don’t believe that for a second.”
“I know,” Sunghoon whined, that was part of the problem. “But I, you know, like him…” Sunghoon confessed timidly, cheeks turning a light shade of pink.
“Yes? I know? That’s why you are asking him specifically?” Jake answered in a way that made it seem he believed himself insane. “Am I missing something?”
“I mean… wouldn’t it be… too much?” Sunghoon tried to express himself to the best of his abilities. “If- if we do that again, will we be able to—?”
“Stop right there,” Jake shocked Sunghoon with how abruptly sat up. “What do you mean again ?”
“Uh…” Sunghoon had, momentarily, forgotten that no one knew about that one night he spent with Heeseung.
“Sunghoon, have you already fucked Heeseung?” Jake spoke clearly and calmly, he wasn’t accusing Sunghoon of anything, yet.
“Yes?” He was insecure, not knowing where the conversation was heading.
“Then I really, really, think you should ask him about your heat.” That surprised Sunghoon a bit. He had expected anything from an interrogation about how and when it had happened, to accusations of lying and hiding stuff from them again. Instead, he got something unexpected.
“But…” Sunghoon tried to argue, but he could see Jake’s point. They’ve done it once, they can definitely do it again. Especially if Sunghoon is in heat, they’d both be so drunk on his pheromones, it was very likely neither would remember much of it. They could pretend nothing happened, again.
“No, seriously,” Jake insisted. “This is stressing you out, right? And you have a perfect solution literally living with you, ask him and forget about the possibility of being alone for your heat.” Sunghoon hated that Jake made sense, but he didn’t hate it as much once he laid down again and got back to hugging Sunghoon. He knew Sunghoon needed the extra physical support.
“But—” Sunghoon attempted a second time, though Jake just had to sigh for Sunghoon to stop talking.
“He’s not going to judge you or make fun of you for asking, this is Heeseung we are talking about.” Sunghoon couldn’t argue with Jake’s logic.
Despite this, Sunghoon still took a while to really think this out. Part of him knew there were virtually no downsides to asking Heeseung for help, but acknowledging this would mean confronting why he was so hesitant. He’d been able to walk away from Heeseung once, but he seriously doubted he’d be able to do it a second time. This was especially true if Heeseung were to spend time with him during such a vulnerable time. A time that was particularly sensitive and private for Sunghoon. He could not imagine how he’d manage to separate himself from Heeseung after that. He already had a hard time simply because his scent was all that much stronger than before, now that he could actually smell it unfiltered.
He was more scared of Heeseung agreeing than of his rejection.
Two days after his conversation with Jake, he was still stressed and had yet to ask Heeseung anything. He had a terrible habit of postponing anything that was remotely urgent and necessary, apparently. It’d got to the point where he was fidgeting and tense all the time, almost as if awaiting an unavoidable disaster. Had it not been for Sunoo, he would have let it continue eating at him until it exploded. Heeseung very obviously could tell something was up with him, but was giving him space and allowing him to go at his own pace, which Sunoo thought was stupid. Not because respecting someone else’s times was stupid, but because Sunghoon was being an idiot and needed that extra push to be put out of his misery.
So, Sunoo attempted two things: first, convincing Heeseung that he needed to talk to Sunghoon, ask him what the problem was. This, however, didn’t work. As much as Heeseung wanted to help Sunghoon, he was blindly convinced the other would come to him if it was something he could help with. Because Sunoo refused to give up, his next step was to push Sunghoon to talk to Heeseung instead. Now, Sunghoon had no clue how Sunoo knew what he wanted, he had only told Jake after all and he was certain Jake would never tell anyone about it. He didn’t want to question it, though, just because Sunoo looked ready to hit him.
Of course, his second attempt also failed. Sunghoon was, after all, exceptionally good at avoiding conversations. A skill he was not proud of having.
He’d thank Sunoo later, because if there was one thing Sunoo was great at was being persistent. And he was a lot better at convincing people to do things than Sunghoon was at avoiding them. So, while he couldn’t really get them to talk out of their own free will, he managed to convince Riki to get them locked up in one of their rooms. To be fair, Riki didn’t need much convincing, partially because Sunoo was asking, and partially because he just enjoyed pranking them. Which is how Sunghoon found himself locked in Heeseung’s room with Heeseung.
And he would thank Sunoo, he really would, but at the moment it was a bit too much for him. The pressure, the possible outcomes, Heeseung’s scent everywhere, his own scent still attached to the bed, Heeseung himself staring at him. Sunghoon just shut down. For a moment, he just stopped thinking and existing. He laid down on Heeseung’s bed and closed his eyes. He needed a moment and Heeseung just let him. Even though he couldn’t do anything, couldn’t even leave the room, Heeseung sat on his chair and waited for Sunghoon to calm down on his own.
“Okay, I can do this,” Sunghoon told himself, still not opening his eyes. He wasn’t ready for that yet. “Hyung?” He called for Heeseung’s attention, not knowing he had not taken his eyes off him.
“Yes?” It was a soft and short reply, like he wanted to be as cautious as possible.
“You know how my heat can come at any moment?” Sunghoon said as a lead in.
“Yes,” Heeseung continued using the same tone.
“I… I need— I want you to help me through it… when it happens,” Sunghoon was terrified of Heeseung’s answer, regardless of what it’d be. If he accepted, he’d be worried about what’d happen after, but if he rejected him then he’d be disappointed and a bit sad. Still, he couldn’t lie and say he wouldn’t rather have to worry than to face a rejection.
“Are you sure?” Heeseung said, maybe just as scared as Sunghoon.
“I won’t be able to face it alone,” Sunghoon responded. Maybe he wasn’t being entirely honest as to why he was asking Heeseung in particular, but it was still part of his reasoning.
“Then of course,” Heeseung didn’t hesitate to agree, though there might have been something else under his careful voice. “I’ll help you through your heat, no matter when it comes.”
“Thank you,” Sunghoon finally looked over at Heeseung. His heart felt tight and warm at the same time, it was a strange feeling that only intensified as he locked eyes with Heeseung. “I’m staying here tonight,” he stated, in part because he didn’t want to face Sunoo or Jake, they’d surely tease him for taking so long, but also because he didn’t want to leave Heeseung’s side.
“Anything you want,” Heeseung smiled and went over to tell Riki they were done talking. He had barricaded the door with a couple of chairs to stop them from opening it.
Finally after that, Sunghoon was able to sleep peacefully. There were many worries plaguing his mind still, but none as intensely as his heat. In spite of the fact that he was still kind of anxious about the experience, knowing he’d have Heeseung with him made it bearable. There was no doubt in his mind that Heeseung would make sure he was comfortable and safe through the whole thing. No matter when it would start, he knew Heeseung would be there for him; that he’d make sure everything would be perfect. Well, as perfect as a heat could be. So, even if a whole extra week had passed and still he was showing no signs of going into heat, Sunghoon felt strangely relaxed.
When it finally happened, Sunghoon had been a good six months into therapy and had thankfully started to accept he wasn’t a failure just because he was an omega. The moment his heat began, it had been unexpected for everyone. He had shown no symptoms prior to it, and thus had caught them all off guard. It had been just out of luck that it hadn’t happened anywhere public, and instead it had started as they were having breakfast before their day had truly started. Heeseung had been quick to get to him and hide him away in his own room, furiously tapping onto his phone, probably alerting their manager of the situation.
Sunghoon had been out of it for the entire three days it lasted, only barely being conscious of his surroundings and actions on rare occasions and for no longer than a minute at a time. Based on the aching of his body, he could tell Heeseung was taking great care of him. Another sign of this was how peacefully he managed to sleep when he wasn’t invaded by uncontrollable sex drive and desire. The bits he could remember had Heeseung bending him into positions he didn’t know he was capable of getting into, warm comforting hands caressing his skin and hair, and the feeling of being completely satisfied in all possible ways.
He also knew Heeseung had taken the utmost care of him because when his heat finally broke, he was clean, comfortable and felt no hunger whatsoever. After three days of intense fucking, he thought he’d at least be a little hungry, but it was evident that Heeseung had managed to feed him in between all of it. He had also, probably, showered him and dressed him up in his softest clothes. Waking up in his arms had him remembering things from the night and morning back in that hotel, and how he had wished to stay in his arms for longer. This time he could enjoy it for as long as he wanted, even if Heeseung woke up. He had asked for this, he didn’t need to hide anything and there was no conversation to avoid. He was taking full advantage of his time with Heeseung in bed. Besides, he was a bit too warm and drowsy to move.
Once Heeseung woke up, they went on about their day and returned to their regular lives. His heat was over and so was his time in Heeseung’s room, at least for sex related activities. He still returned there a couple of nights a week, just to sleep more comfortably even if he no longer needed it to drown his own scent. Heeseung didn’t question nor did he stop Sunghoon, so he was going to continue until someone pointed it out. Of course, no one did. Besides that, there were some complications while adjusting to being an omega to the public. Not only for how he was perceived, but also from how often he had to sit out of events and practices to finally get his body back to health. He was banned from reading any online comments once it was revealed he was an omega, just to prevent any hindrances in his self-acceptance process.
Every session he had with his therapies, had him acknowledging more how bizarre his own thoughts had been. It might have taken a good amount of time, but he finally came clean to the members about what he used to think about himself and being an omega. He also told them how jealous he’s been at one point of Sunoo and Jake, how they used to make him feel even more inadequate as an omega and reinforced his intention to remain a beta. He finally got round to accepting how insane he’d been for taking all those medications without consulting any doctors and how dangerous it had all been.
Something that never failed to catch him off guard, was how understanding everyone was. While they didn’t fully get why he made those choices, they still tried and were only mildly upset at having been left out. Sunoo was particularly insistent on making sure Sunghoon knew he didn’t resent him for his cold attitude at the beginning of their friendship. It was during one of those moments that Sunoo took him shopping.
“You can buy it if you want it, you know?” Sunoo had cheerfully said, holding a couple items in his hand. Sunghoon had been staring at a knee-length, flowy, royal blue skirt for a good while; he tried his best to not look, but it just kept getting his attention.
“No, I— It’s just pretty,” Sunghoon dismissed him, he didn’t want to buy it. Probably. Maybe.
“Yeah, and it’d look amazing on you,” Sunoo was either ignorant to Sunghoon’s internal struggle, or just intentionally ignoring it. “You could try it on, at least.”
“I don’t think…” Sunghoon tried to argue, but Sunoo was already picking the skirt for him and pushing him into one of the changing rooms.
“Just try it,” Sunoo wasn’t going to let him out of it, so Sunghoon resigned himself to his fate.
With the skirt on and his pants off, Sunghoon felt awkward. He couldn’t tell if it looked good or not, but he could admit, at least to himself, that he liked how it felt. Still, there was that little voice in his head that kept telling him he wasn’t built to wear such pretty things. The more he looked at it, the more out of place it felt. Before his fear got the best of him, Sunghoon walked out of the small cubicle. He was fully expecting Sunoo to lie, but instead he was faced with the purest expression of fascination and thrill.
“Does… does it look good?” Sunghoon asked shyly. Sunoo’s bright eyes were intimidating him.
“Good? It looks incredible! You must buy it,” Sunoo was turning him around with force, looking at him from essentially every angle possible. “We need to get you more skirts, you have the legs for it,” Sunoo was so enthusiastic about it, Sunghoon couldn’t even think about disagreeing.
It was a small step forward, but a step nonetheless.
His true breakthrough happened once he was able to tell his parents the truth about himself. They had been shocked, completely taken aback by how they had accidentally influenced their son in such a way. They blamed themselves, even if they’d had no idea at the time. It was a bit awkward for a while, but his parents were extremely supportive of him and tried to make sure he knew they didn’t and would never consider him a failure. They continuously apologised for their words and for not realising sooner what he’d been going through.
Eventually, there remained only one issue. After his first heat, he was still banned from taking any form of suppressants, and therefore had to go through a couple of cycles until his body could regulate itself. This meant, for a while, Heeseung continued to help him through his heats. Repeatedly, he’d take care of Sunghoon in every way imaginable and he’d be the softest and most considerate to him. Repeatedly, Sunghoon would find himself in Heeseung’s arms and comforting presence. A place he didn’t want to leave, even if his heats had ended. A place he’d leave and would have to deprive himself from for a couple of months before he could return. For two whole years, they’d follow this routine.
But then, the doctor told him he could start taking suppressants again, as long as he followed the proper schedule and didn’t overdo it. Which meant that he no longer had to spend his heats with Heeseung. To Sunghoon, that meant he no longer could go back to him, even if he desired for it to be a constant in his life.