Work Text:
Do you remember when you withdrew yourself from me and I kept looking for God in the direction of your gaze?
Do you remember our endless dissect of the world's veiled layers, to tear off the silence from us?
I searched in my trouser pockets for a final hope, an ultimate light,
a literal mystery to believe in.
Not the surprise of the void that has always been full of something else, whose name I only half knew.
If I closed my eyes I could align myself with your trajectory, images would run through my mind in the darkness
beyond the moving car windows;
the clocks that marked, grave, the time to be saved,
would come back to my mind.
I just have to turn my head to find the point where I died with you, the day we killed each other
and we were already absolved.
Already dead, standing on the sidewalk
counting the cars
in the apathetic limbo between one escape and another.
I'd never understood that death is not what goes, but what remains.
Losing you was like kicking hard to get back to the surface, like having a panic attack for months:
I lost you fighting not to breathe in.
I looked for God in the direction of your gaze,
wild flowers bloomed in my chest one afternoon,
when I found Him exactly where he has always been: in the shadows play on the ceiling,
conceiving my return.
Original italian version, can be found here.