Archive of Our Own ^beta

Sydney had spent the last three and a half weeks trying to convince Carmy to go to the cat cafe rescue that she had found. Well, really it had been almost two months, but she was saying three weeks, because it was easier than remembering the shit show that had been the last couple weeks. Between the healing gash in Carmy’s hand, him getting sick, her having been sick- 

There’s still stitches in Carmy’s hand.

So, convincing him had been probably harder than it would have been when she first found the account. Things have started to calm down, so before she brought up the Cat Cafe, she was trying to convince Carmy that they should get a cat now that things were really getting into a routine with The Bear.

Most importantly, a healthier routine.

Less likely to crumple.

Less likely to end up with bloodied whites. 

A deal to say if they felt bad, to be honest. No matter if they knew the other was going to like it or not.

They’ve lived together for just a smidge over a year now.

Sydney wants a cat.

Carmy, does not.

Usually she’d leave it alone, but Carmy’s only half firm when he says no. And he’s been humoring her about it for a little longer, especially when she shows him different cat trees, and mentions that they could put the litter box in the closet in the unused bedroom-

She knows he was really humoring her, listening to her, since he felt bad about lying to her about feeling bad.

It hadn’t been until Sydney had brought it up at work, durning family that Nat had gotten interested. Sort of, Sydney may have shoved the pictures on the website of the cats they currently had, in her face- because she’d been talking to Marcus about how cute one of the kittens had been. 

Natalie had gotten invested, and they spent the rest of Family tucked over her phone looking at the Rescues pictures of available cats, and the ones they had out being fostered.

Honestly, the cafe came across her instagram feed, and the tuxedo kitten had been the spotlight- and maybe, the Cat Cafe bit was just to get Carmy to meet the cat that Sydney had fallen in love with via a shit ton of pictures. She was just so cute, with her white little chin, tipped tail, and white feet- Those big green eyes.

Carmy had ended up with his nose pressed to the top of her hair as he stood behind her looking at the websites after being, mostly guilted into it by Sydney using Nat to get him to at least look.

Sydney found him later curled up on the couch waiting for her to get out of the shower, scrolling through the website. The last push had been Carmy wanting to get the stitches out of his hand, and really she couldn’t blame him for that one. Less than a week later, she’d gotten her way, and dragged him to the cafe early Monday morning.

It took almost two months, but they were here. Getting coffee, or tea in Carmy’s case- and sitting amidst a collection of cats, and other people getting coffee.

The little tuxedo that she had been borderline in love with, had been adopted before she had gotten sick. It was hard to not feel hung up about it- but Sydney knew that they couldn’t give a kitten of that age; the amount of attention it deserved. And that Carmy was not in a place to even entertain the idea.

Sydney won’t lie and say she had been either. 

She’s not sure they would be ready now. But-

A soft thump. She turned her head, towards Carmy and away from watching a cat that was lazing on top of a tree. A cat had hopped up on the table, and was now making very intense eye contact with her partner. The little thing didn’t wait very long, or wait for Carmy to make the first move. Padding across the rather small table towards him. 

The cat was a cream with brown colored legs and just the whitest feet- Sydney laughed at the look that crossed Carmy’s face as the cat stuck it’s face in his. Dark ears twitching, tail up and curled at the tip. Blue eyes flickering from hers back down to look at the cat.

“Uh-” The cat sat, and pressed its face against Carmy’s shoulder. 

“You’ve been chosen.” Sydney jumped as did Carmy- both of them startled, turning to face the new voice. An employee- or maybe a volunteer? Sydney spent most of her time looking at cute cat pictures not at the how and whys of how the Cafe was run. Just that it was a rescue, and that it worked mostly off of Coffee sales and adoption fees. 

They smiled at them, “Calvin isn’t friendly, despite being a very pretty cat his personality tends to turn people away from him.” His name was Calvin, Sydney tried to keep her nose from screwing up at the name- it’s so, normal? Too human. Carmy didn’t seem to have the same reservations about it.

“He tends to hide on the top of the shelves, but it seems you’ve peaked his interest.” Carmy shifted back in his seat, Sydney smiled a little at him, knowing he was trying to get Calvin out of his face.

Calvin seemed to take it as an invitation, stepping down off the table into Carmy’s lap. He twisted up and around, and she watched Carmy flounder- hands held out in the air away from the cat as he made himself comfortable there. Big blue eyes blinked at her from across the table. Both sets of them.

Calvin pressed his head up instant against Carmy’s chest.

Sydney desperately wanted to take a picture.

“Oh. Yeah, the distribution system strikes again.” The employee laughed, “I can get you guys his paperwork to look through.” And they were off, without waiting for them to respond. That was fucking rude.

Carmy’s eyes are pointed down, towards Calvin- Sydney’d seen a pretty close look on his face before, it’s not extreme. But it’s pretty damn close to how he looks at his niece when he holds her.

His hand is scratching carefully over the top of a tiny head. Sydney sinks back into her seat, hands coming up to cradle her cup.

She’s a little jealous, a nasty little ball pooling in her stomach. He hadn’t wanted to come, and now he had a lap full of cat. Not that there was anything they could or couldn’t do about it. A loud raspy purr, cracked through the air; even between all the clatter at the counter, people moving about- talking-

Carmy looked back up at her, “We are not having his name to be fucking Calvin.” And oh. 

--- 

Sydney, was not jealous of the fucking cat.

No. 

She absolutely and utterly refuses it, because she’s not. Okay, and maybe she’s a little, she feels a smidge entitled to it! Carmy didn’t want a cat, did he want to get one because it would make her happy? And Because he really didn’t mind it. Yeah.

But- but the cat didn’t even like her. 

They hadn’t agreed on a name yet, so technically it was still Calvin, which Carmy refused to call him, or honestly he refused to call him anything all together sometimes. But he, well the cat followed him around everywhere. From room to room, he fucking slept on Carmy’s side of the bed, both when Carmy was in the bed and when he wasn’t. He meowed instantly at his feet until Carmy picked him up.

And anytime Sydney tried to pick him up instead, he’d squirm around, wiggle and twist until she either handed him to Carmy or put him down.

It was starting to kind of upset her. And it was fucking dumb. 

So maybe today she was ignoring Carmy, had made off to Natalie and Pete’s, to both snuggle with Josie, and to bitch a little.

“He didn’t even want the Cat!” She feels petulant, and a little like an overgrown child. But it just- “And, and the cat likes him more than me! Which is so dumb, but it’s more dumb that I’m upset about it.”

Sugar who was leaning against the counter, because the world revolved around kitchens- and as such, was where they were. “I’d be pissed off. Or at least a little mad. Get a pet with your partner and they favor the one who doesn't want them the most?” Sydney shifted Josie in her arms, the baby raising her fists sleepily in protest of the movement. “If Josie had come out liking Pete more than me, I might have divorced him.”

Sydney raises her eyebrows at her, Natalie comparing Sydney’s new cat to her baby?

Nat waved her off, turning around to check on the pasta on the stove, “Not the same, but! I was so concerned about it? You know. I spent almost 10 months carrying her, growing her. And she likes her Dad more?” Sydney shuffled over, leaning on the counter a bit more. “And I mean, I knew it happened, had read about it. I mean, Carmy  wouldn’t settle for Donna as a baby. Would just sob quietly until Mikey took him.”

It’s these little pieces, Sydney smiles, turning her eyes back down to Josie. Carmy doesn’t talk about growing up, he doesn’t talk about Mikey or his Mom period. He has a few stories, pressed between his ribs that he has shared. But Nat gives them to her freely, bits and pieces.

“Of course, Carmy was always like that if he was upset and Mike didn’t cause it? Then hand him off and the tears will be gone in less than 10 minutes. Ma, didn’t find it as amusing anymore.” Nat’s tone twisted, her body language shifting slightly- and her gaze turned to Josie nestled in Sydney’s arms. And most stories ended like that, bitter to the taste, and with less amusement that they started with.

“You haven’t named the cat yet?” Changing the topic, Sydney shakes her head, passing Josie over when Nat reaches for her. Quiet, moving to check the sauce simmering on the stove top, “you could steal that from him?” Like he accidentally stole your cat.

Sydney stirs the sauce, staring at it for a moment, “We can’t agree, I want to name him Toast, Carmy thinks it’s too plain, then we argued about naming him Bear. Which ended in a bit of a hard no for the both of us after Richie decided it was the funniest fucking thing he had ever heard.” She sets the spoon down, picking up her abandoned wine glass, well. 

It’s a glass, filled with wine.

“The only thing we can agree on is that Cavlin is a stupid cat name.” Natalie laughs, because it is funny, and it is. It’s just frustrating. “Carmy pitched Tiramisu this morning. And I’m mad that I like that too.”

From his place still in bed, with said cat, curled up next to his head. Purring loud enough that Sydney had heard it from the doorway of their bedroom. “You are Carmy’s favorite. That’s gotta mean more than being Tiramisu's favorite.” 

It did, but it still kind of sucked.
--- 

Sydney hates this damn cat.

She sets her bag down on top of the table in their tiny entry space; as Carmy greats Tiramisu, Amis for short , because that fucker did get his way. The long string of meows as they both stumble exhausted and stretched thin into their apartment. It was an adorable trait of his, the absolute amount of noise he could make.

But right now-

Sydney stares at her partner, watches him cradle their cat, Amis pressing his forehead up and against Carmy’s face. His meow’s tapering off now that he’s being held, and placated from them being gone so long.

And she just can’t, she can’t stand it. 

Today was long, Fridays always were, but- 

Sydney takes her shoes off and storms across the living room, into their bedroom. Grabbing her clothes from the night before, and slams the door on the way into the bathroom. She could feel Carmy’s eyes on her as she went.

Can’t even, tears burned against her eyes. It was such a stupid thing to be upset about, they got a cat for her and he didn’t even like her all that much. It was hot in her stomach, and vile on her tongue.

Carmy knocked softly on the bathroom door, “Syd?” he had that tone of voice he had when she was upset, at him most of all. That devastated sound, the one where he curled inwards, when he really didn’t have any idea why she was upset.

She’d watched that same damn ritual for the past two weeks now, and not once does that damned cat turn from him to her. And she just can’t do it today. “You okay?” No, “I, uh, I don’t-” Nervous, you and your stupid jealousy, twisted over a dumb is making him nervous and upset.

And she can’t even bring herself to feel a little bad about it right now. Pressing her hands over her eyes, digging her knuckles in slightly- a bad habit shared between the both of them. The choked sob catches in her throat.

“Okay- Uh, can I, can I come in? Please?” The door knob doesn’t giggle and there’s no tug. Sydney steps away, tears are hot against her hands, blurring her vision. The door cracks open slowly, and she just stares, hands hanging loose at her sides

“Sweetheart,” He reaches for her, and there's no cat at his feet so she goes. Slumped against his front. They stand there for a while, tears on his shirt- him just holding her.

And then he goes and ruins it. “What’s, what’s wrong?”

Sydney wipes at her face, “It’s so stupid.” she catches her breath. “You and the cat, it’s just so dumb. He doesn’t even like me! And you didn’t want a cat- and it’s just-”

Carmy stares at her, and then blinks; and she can see it. The uptick of his lip that he tries to smother almost immediately. But she spends all the free time she can just looking at him- so she sees it instantly.

He’s fucking laughing at her!

“I can’t believe you! I hate you!” It cracks out of her with more of a laugh than it should, tears not entirely run off. But the frustration is fast replacing itself with some mix of angry amused. Carmy really smiles now, and so does she because it’s so stupid. 

The laugh bubbles past her lips, “I’m so-”

Carmy catches her, holds her- “No- I didn’t, I shouldn’t laugh at you, you're upset. But I don’t-” Emotional range of a teaspoon. “Are you jealous?”

Sydney wipes at her face, “A little.”

They stand in silence. Clearly that baffles him a little- it does, based upon the confused look that paints itself on his face. “What?”

“You didn’t want the cat,” She points it out, sniffling; the short range of emotions cramped into their bathroom should be studied, “I did, and Tiramisu likes you more than me, but a lot. It hasn’t really bothered me, but today sucked. So it does.”

“I didn’t mean-”

“I know, I’m upset, need a minute- so I’ll shower, you feed our tiny demon. And we can talk about it tomorrow.” Carmy doesn’t look like he wants to leave it, he’s been doing that a lot lately, actually wanting to talk things out- understand them. Sydney’s really happy about it, but just not tonight.
--- 

Amis is curled up on Carmy’s pillow behind his head, and Sydney’s got one of Carmy’s hands trapped between her hands. The one he sliced down to the bone, tracing her finger over the line scar that ran the length of his palm. 

“It’s dumb.” Carmy’s head turns so he can look at her, eyes half cracked open- and she knows her window is small with the sleeping pills in his system. “I don’t know why, it’s just frustrating sometimes. That he likes you so much more.”

Carmy’s hand twitches in her grasp, twisting to thread their fingers together.

“I like you more than the cat.” He smiles dopily at her, one he usually wouldn’t give her if he wasn’t partially drugged; “That’s why we have a cat.”

Fondness bubbles, and settles; oh right. 

Nat hadn’t been wrong, she rarely was. She smiles at him, shifting around to press a kiss to his forehead, pushing at his limbs until she could tuck herself under his chin. It didn’t make that hot ball go away yet, it would probably take a little longer.

But it was nice being Carmen Berzatto’s favorite.