Chapter Text
William paused behind Julia as she filled out her report, just watching her, drinking in every detail and once again remembering that night in the park.
"William? I was hoping to see you," Julia said, closing the file.
"And why is that?"
"I was hoping you'd see me home," Julia said as she stood. She reached for her shawl but William beat her to it, draping it over her shoulders. "Thank you."
"It would be my pleasure," William said, offering her his arm and giving her a brief smile. He stilled as he looked into Julia's eyes, caught off guard when she pulled him into a kiss, her hands gripping his head as she practically devoured his mouth.
Not one to pass up the opportunity, William lifted her onto the desk as his mouth traveled down her neck, his fingers busy on the laces of her gown, barely aware of her fingers busy on the buttons of his shirt. They both gasped softly, feeling the heat between them. "Julia..."
"Shut up, William," Julia said, sealing his mouth with hers, her hands clutching at his back. "I want...more."
"William?"
William started slightly at the question, seeing Julia regarding him, a touch of curiosity in her gaze.
"My apologies, Julia," William said. "Shall we go?"
Julia gave him a smile, taking his proffered arm and turning out the lights as they left.
"So how do you suppose Mr. Harcourt and Miss Benton came to know of this ancient Greek code they used?" Julia asked as they walked to her rooms.
"I'm not sure," William said. "The knowledge is rather obscure but I suppose it's possible they stumbled upon it. If you hadn't discovered the second number, I'd likely still be puzzling over it."
"I'm sure you'd have gotten the solution without my help," Julia said. "You're the smartest man I know."
"Not in the things that matter, it seems," William said.
"I'm sorry, William, I really am," Julia said, bringing them to a stop.
"The fault is mine, Julia," William said. "I gave you no reason to stay, to refuse Darcy's proposal and now I must live with that choice. My...pain is entirely self inflicted. Please, do not blame yourself for it."
"I can't help but feel some responsibility," Julia said.
"No," William said softly. "One cannot control who one loves, you can only control whether you act on it or not. I chose not to, whether from fear or plain cowardice."
"And what would you be afraid of?" Julia asked softly.
William averted his gaze. "That I would appear foolish, that you wouldn't return my feelings..." he said in a near whisper. "Even now I'm not sure and I'll always wonder, now that I've squandered my chance."
Julia cupped his face, her eyes suspiciously bright and placed a chaste kiss on his lips.
"Julia please..." William whispered. "Don't give me hope when there is none." He immediately regretted his words when Julia looked stricken. He squeezed her hands. "Come, let's get you home."
As William left her at her door, he resisted the urge to look back, knowing if he did he wouldn't have the strength to leave her. He wanted so much to finish what they'd started in the park but he knew if he returned to her, he wouldn't be able to resist temptation if she was even the slightest bit open.
"You must guard your heart, William," he said to himself. "Even against the woman you love."
Julia watched William go, hoping against hope he'd turn back but not surprised when he didn't. She regretted so many things - her decision to go to Buffalo, her acceptance of Darcy's proposal...the pain she'd unwittingly caused William, for not seeing his obvious feelings for her....or maybe she just hadn't wanted to. She had been so sure that he'd reject her because of her inability to have children that she hadn't considered that he loved her enough that it wouldn't matter to him. "Be happy, William," she whispered to herself then turned to go inside.