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Metal. That’s all Touya felt encircling him, cold, hard metal. He could hear low voices, but they felt far away. The only other sound present was the beeping of his heart monitor and the low hum of his life support.
Touya?
Touya?
“Touya?” Touya opened his eyes, he didn’t want to, he didn’t want to face them, but he had to.
It had been a week since he first had awoken after the battle, surrounded by his whole family, Enji had told him he would come every day, Natsuo had stayed late talking to him about everything he missed, Fuyumi talked about her days and her favorite kids at work, Shoto talked about UA, and how he wanted to get back to training after the war, Rei just told him how much she loved him.
The eyes staring back at him were the same blazing turquoise as his own, red tufts of hair entered his vision as blurs.
“Touya, how are you feeling?” Touya knew his dad had no idea what to say, how to be his dad. He knew this hurt his whole family. He knew he was a burden. He always had been, so the feeling wasn’t a problem. But this time, he had no escape, no way to run away. He just had to stare at their pitying eyes hoping, praying, that his life support would malfunction and he would die. He didn’t lie when he said the past never dies. He should’ve died twice now but his body won’t let him. He’s finally ready, the bitter rage, once kindling, out of control flames now just ashes, but still, someone always has to save him.
“I wish i died that day on sekoto peak so i wouldn’t have to see who i am today.” His voice was hoarse and sad, he knew he was about to cry, it’s all he’s ever been good at. Enji opened his mouth to speak but Touya was faster.
“I wish i died in that fight. I wish i died when i was supposed to. I don’t want to be here, i never did. That day on sekoto peak I said I didn’t want to die as a way to try to convince myself i didn’t but i knew the truth, i knew i wished i never was born at all. So really, i didn’t want to die, I wanted to just never have been born.” The look on Enjis face when Touya voice stopped was pure sadness. not even pity, just plainly sadness. “I’ll never feel true happiness. Even the moments that I feel something good, something always puts that flame out. I will never live happily knowing the next day will be the same, never knowing i will feel great full to be alive.” Touya was going to keep going, but he decided not to. he couldn’t hold back his tears anymore, sobs came lurching out of him, Touya doesn’t remember when he started or when he stopped but he remembers his dads voice muttering something.
“I’m here.”
Touya stopped and looked into his dad’s eyes, looking at him, feeding that need for attention.
“Why not sooner?” The atmosphere was thick. His heart monitor started beeping rapidly
“Touya i’m sorry.” Touya didn’t want so pitying apology. He wanted his life support pulled, he wanted his fair chance at death. When Touya didn’t respond, Enji wheeled out of the room, the metal door clicking behind him.
Alone. Alone again. He always ends up alone. The feeling lingers even when people are around. He’s meant to be alone. He’s nobody’s person. Nobody in this world felt true love for him. Not purely love anyway, there was always pity mixed in.
“I don’t wanna be alone.” Touya whispered, tears rolling down his cheeks.
“i don’t wanna be alone…i don’t wanna be alone..i don’t wanna be alone.” his heart monitor started rapidly beeping out of control.
“I DONT WANNA BE ALONE.” He screamed as loud as he could, which was surprisingly loud for someone on life support. He heart the door click open and light filled the room and somebody stepped in. No, two, three people?
“i…don’t..wanna..be..alone..” Touya heaved between sobs, his heart monitor screeching.
“You’re not alone.” a soft voice whispered, it belonged to a man. Natsuo.
“I am I am I am…I always am. I always have been.” Touya whispered, sobs choking their way out.
“I’m-we’re here for you.” Fuyumi said, her voice laced with sadness and pity. that’s all people felt around him now.
“No you’re not. Go away.” Touya grunted through his teeth. he opened his eyes again to see Natsuo, Shoto and Fuyumi.
“We’re not going to do that.” Shoto said. Touya hated the way shoto said things, like touya needed saving. He did, he just didn’t want to admit it, because if he did, the need for help became real.
“Kill me then. If you love your big brother so much pull my life support.” Tears rolled down Fuyumi cheeks. “DO IT. I HATE BEING ALIVE. IF YOU REALLY WANT TO HELP ME THEN FUCKING KILL ME.” Touya heaved out sobs.
“I love you Touya-nii.” Natsuos voice was shaking, and Touya heart monitor slowed.
“You get out of the metal cast in a week. Dads working to not exactly shorten your sentence but making it so instead of being in prison, your under house arrest at our house.” Shoto said, his voice caring and quiet.
Touya didn’t say anything else. he just watched them stay for a little while longer before all three of them slowly left.
He was alone again but this time, Numb.