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Zoro is absolutely pigging out and he is pretty sure his husband will kick his ass if he finds out.
He can’t help but imagine a small, cherubic, blonde haired, blue-eyed angel-devil hybrid sitting on his shoulder, nagging his ear off about eating such dense food after almost a month of starving, but considering he did exactly that, and didn’t implode or whatever, the angel-devil can go fuck right off.
But then again, at the same time, whenever the cherubic blonde haired, blue-eyed angel-devil screamed and wailed about his actions (which is pretty much every day) and in the rare occasions he bothers to listen, Zoro tends to not get in trouble, but his point still stands that it can still fuck right off.
But that isn’t what Zoro says. Instead, he looks at the dingy boat that is their supposed pirate ship, and the scrawny straw-hat wearing newly-fangled captain of his and says “Hey, I’ll invite my husband to the crew. He’s a cook.” He paused to gulp down on his beer and asked with a raised eyebrow, “That a problem?”
The angel-devil on his shoulders continued to scream obscenities at him, but the grin on Luffy’s face forces a grin onto his own face. Coby, meanwhile, screams ‘YOU’RE MARRIED?!’. Weirdo.
“Hey, more crewmates!” He laughed, and they both ignored Coby’s stammers about demon husbands(?), “Where is he at?” Luffy suddenly looked serious, or as serious as someone could look with their face this stuffed. “Can he cook meat?”
Zoro glared at Coby until he finally clammed up, then leaned back on his seat, “He’s at the Baratie, probably slaving away uselessly to his old man.”, he pointed at Luffy with his fork, then hastily put it down to point with his finger instead, though it’s probably not any better, “He will probably need some convincing to come with us.”
Luffy hums, “Weeeell, if he can cook meat, then he can come.” Zoro nods. Makes sense. “So, how do we get to the Babatie?”
“Baratie,” Zoro corrected, then blinked slowly, tilting his head in thought. He glanced out the window at the sea, then back at Luffy. Luffy blinked back. Finally, Zoro shrugged, thumbing at the golden earring on his right ear and closed his eyes, “I always eventually end up back there, so don’t worry about it.”
“Ah, so you don’t know where it is.”
The only reason Luffy didn’t get face-planted into a bowl of food is the screeching in his head hitting a crescendo, something or other about wasting food. Instead, he kicked Luffy off his chair, rolling his eyes when the bastard simply laughed and pushed Coby’s chair too, causing him to crash and finally stop his stupid, persistent stammering.
He vaguely wonders if the life-sized rendition of the angel-devil would scream the same obscenities when they come to drag him, kicking and screaming.
Though it took a significantly higher number of detours with clowns(?), cat burglars (an absolute witch, but useful), cat pirates(??), and liars ( a ship) than he would prefer, eventually, the wench, of all people, brings up Zoro’s desired destination with the additional information that not only does it have his number 1 desired man there, but is fabled to may have his number 2 desired man there too.
Which is a bit of strangely good luck, but he will take it.
Luffy gasped, pointing at the hideous ship, “Babatie!” he looked at Zoro, “Isn’t that where your husband is?”
“Baratie,” Zoro yawned, “And yeah, I told you we’ll end up there eventually.”
Luffy picked his nose, both of them ignoring the loud stammers from their crewmates, “ Haaah? You were just lost.” He stated in all his captain wisdom, flicking away a booger. The angel-devil wallowed about hand-hygiene or something, he’s not really sure.
“YOU’RE MARRIED?!”, the cowardly duo finally turned their stammers into words. Zoro can’t help but feel some sort of deja-vu. The wench continued, “Someone married a muscle-brained barbarian like you?!” she shouted.
Zoro could feel his face stretching into a wide grin. “Hell yeah, I’m lucky as fuck.” He stated proudly. Nami blinked at him like an idiot, probably because she wasn’t him with his amazing husband, but she didn’t get to say much of anything as a marine ship of all things appeared in their path, they apparently have bounties, a cannon fires, and Zoro is pretty sure that his father-in-law just snatched his captain.
Great.
The Baratie looked the same as it ever did, with its gaudy fish head shape and strange green paint. ‘This will be your hair colour when you’re old and decrepit.’ Sanji, all of eight years old, had said as he pointed the colour out. ‘Besides, it needs to look as bright as possible so you can never lose it!’
It was the wrong shade of green to his hair’s, and Zoro would lose sight of it anyway since it’s a ship and ships move, but Sanji had looked all proud and genuine with his reasoning, that both he and Zeff let him pick it. Zoro always feels himself regret letting him choose the colour more and more every time he sees it.
Zeff’s design didn’t do it any favors either. A gaudy design with a gaudy colour.
But it’s home to his home anyway.
The only thing missing is the near-daily customer beatings. An issue that is currently being rectified, if the commotion permeating from behind the door were any indication.
Nami and Usopp shared a worried glance, dawdling at the door. Zoro rolled his eyes, pushed them both aside, then immediately pushed open the door. He stopped for a second to take in the scene before him: A blonde in a suit holding some marine by his bloody face, a broken table and spilled soup on the floor. On the floor beside them, a young lady watched the scene with scared eyes.
Damn. The two things that got under Sanji’s nerves the most, all from one guy? Pretty impressive douche-ness.
As impressive as how hot the damn swirly cook looks, standing all menacing and stuff.
But as much as he would love to stand there and ogle, he is hungry, misses his husband, and his father-in-law kidnapped his captain.
So.
Zoro cleared his throat, “Hey, love cook!”, he shouted in the sudden silence, “I’m back!”
There was a confused ‘Love cook?’ from behind him, but it was nearly drowned out by the loud smack of an iron-soled shoe connecting cleanly with Zoro’s face, and a roar of “SHITTY MARIMO!” from across the room.
Zoro could feel his blood immediately boiling. He peeled the shoe off his face and glared at the blonde, who had dropped the ugly guy in lieu of flinging his shoe at him. “WHAT THE HELL, SHITTY COOK?!”, he screamed back.
Sanji’s glare sharpened, the heat of it near palpable in the air around him. “That’s my goddamn line! I’m not the one who fucked off for 3 months to buy rice from the town over!”, he hopped over with his one shoe just to jab his fingers at Zoro’s chest, “Three! Months! To buy goddamn rice!” He snarled. “I told you so many goddamn times to wear the ‘If found, return to the Baratie’ shirt if you’re going out alone but noooo! I thought you had fucking died!”
Zoro snarled right back at him, their foreheads meeting with a hard thud, “And I told you that I ain’t ever wearing that embarrassing ass shirt!” He grabbed Sanji’s socked foot and fitted the shoe back on, “And why would you think I died? You really think I’m that easy to kill? Fuck you!” He stood back up and Sanji immediately pulling him into a bruising kiss.
Zoro’s hands immediately found his hips, tilting his head to deepen the kiss. Unfortunately, not long after, Sanji pushed at his chest lightly, and Zoro immediately let go. It was a more chaste kiss than he would prefer. At least Sanji didn’t pull back from his hold, though he did grin nastily at him.
“You’re right, I shouldn’t have thought you would wear it,” He cackled hideously, “You can’t find the way out of your own shirt, why should I expect you to be able to put it on. Do you want me to help you change, baby?” He cooed.
Zoro let go of Sanji and side-stepped him. Sanji, having had put the entirety his weight on him, nearly fell on his plentiful ass (which he would have absolutely deserved). “I missed your curly brows.”, he grunted and started making his way towards a vacant table. During the tousle with the marine, quite a few customers had nervously walked out, so finding a table with four seats wasn’t difficult.
Sanji huffed, and Zoro doesn’t need to be looking at him to know that he’s rolling his eyes to hell and back, but he didn’t miss the quiet, “Missed you too, shitty moss-head,”, before Sanji realized he was 5 meters away from a person with tits and started noodling around. “Mamma mia! What a lovely young lady!”, he said, all smiles and charm, “May I ask for your beautiful name?”
Nami blinked for a second, glancing at Zoro, then frowning back at Sanji. “You… Aren’t you…”, she looked back at Zoro, but Zoro simply raised an eyebrow at her. She blinked back, then finally shrugged. “Nami.” She answered.
Sanji smiled widely, “Then, dear Nami, let me escort you to your seat. How do you feel about a quiet corner table-“
“She’s with me.” Zoro drawled, “Her and the long nose.”
Sanji gasped, turning wide eyes at him, “A woman willingly accompanied you?!” Well, that’s rude. Nonetheless, he pulled a chair back for Nami to sit at, and Usopp sat next to her, his eyes wide and fixated on the blonde, as if his very existence contradicted a fact of the universe. Sanji leaned in and fake-whispered at the two, “Did you two find him in bumfuck nowhere and realize he’s lost?”
Zoro jerked up, glaring, “Of course not, they’re my crewmates.”
Sanji stared back blankly. “Crewmates.” He said tonelessly.
Zoro sighed deeply, then stared directly into his lover’s blue eyes and said clearly, “Yep. I’m a pirate now.” He pointed at him, “And I want you to join as well.”
Sanji simply stared at him for a moment, then pulled two menus out of seemingly nowhere, placing them in front of the other two. “Here are the menus, just let a staff know once you’re ready to order.” He smiled prettily at Nami, “Everything is on the house for you, my dear, so please don’t hesitate.” Finally, he turned to Zoro and jerked his head.
With a deep sigh, he got up and followed after him. He looked back at a flabbergasted Usopp and calculating Nami and shouted, “When he said everything was on the house, he only meant the witch, by the way!”
“Wha- That’s just unfair!” Usopp screeched.
“Sucks to suck!” Nami smirked at him.
Rolling his eyes, Zoro followed Sanji to the kitchens area, and they immediately ran into Patty. Literally.
And in usual Patty behavior, he immediately starts spitting at them. “What the hell was that, Sanji?!” He shouted, “You can’t just start trouble in-“ His eyes finally landed on Zoro and his ugly face, somehow, worsened. “YOU!” He pointed (quite rudely, might Zoro add) at him.
“Yo, Patchy-head.” He raised an eyebrow at his head, and lack of keratin, “I see you shaved your head.” Zoro grinned, “And I worked so hard for that hairstyle.”
“You ruined my precious locks!” He screeched, then shook his head, “But enough of that! Where the hell were you?!” He grabbed Zoro by the shoulders, his voice pitching higher, “AND WHERE IS THE BOAT YOU TOOK?! WHERE’S THE SHIPMENT YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PICK UP?!”
“It wasn’t there.” Zoro lied.
“Yes it was.” Sanji, the evil snitch interjected. “It was picked up, it just never arrived.”
Zoro pursed his lips, and batted his non-existent eyelashes. “It went somewhere.”
Patty smacked his forehead and ended up leaning back from the sheer weight of his groan. “You lost our goddamn food-“
“Oi, Patty,” Sanji suddenly called, and he had replaced his cigarette at some point in time, though it isn’t lit, “Some marine guy is causing trouble at the dining area.” He gave him a side-eye, “Go deal with it.”
Suddenly, Patty’s expression worsened again, and Zoro wonders how one can be so aware of their facial muscles to distort them this much. It is as disgusting as it is impressive. “Making me clean up your messes, are you??” He snarled slowly, and turned away. “Hmph! I am not done with you, Sanji!” He shouted as he rushed out the door to probably worsen the situation.
But Zoro didn’t get to see whatever mayhem Patty was going to commit under the guise of customer service, as Sanji grabbed his hand and pulled all the way out of the kitchen area and to the backdoor. Sanji let his hand go for a moment to light up his cigarette, a moment too long in Zoro’s opinion.
For a moment, they were silent, standing next to each other, looking out to sea as Sanji took a slow puff of his cancer stick. Zoro slowly snaked his hand back into Sanj’s own, intertwining their fingers. He stood there, enjoying the feeling of his soft, moisturized hands, rubbing that one callous on the base of his index finger, and the toughened fingertips. His thumb moved down until it connected with the hardness of a ring.
“You have your ring on.” He commented, his eyes on the glint of it on pale fingers, “You’re not cooking today?” He asked, bringing the hand up to his lips.
The cook gave him a glare, pointedly exhaling a plume of smoke to his face. The fucker. “Short on waiter-staff, since our resident permanent waiter fungus fucked off.” He pouted like the princess he was, “And no one is crazy enough to stay longer than a month.”
“Hm.” He hummed into Sanji’s hand. “I want to make Zeff even more short on staff.”
The love cook didn’t move away, but he didn’t lean into Zoro’s touch either. That’s good, it means that he won’t blow him off immediately. He just needs to get his head out of his ass, and finally get him to do something with his life.
As much as Zoro will forever be in Zeff’s debt for what he had given Sanji, that debt has shackled his husband more than Zoro would like. This is his chance to finally move on.
“You're a pirate now?” Sanji asked, though it didn’t feel like a question.
“Yes.” He stated. “Come with me.”
“Hell no.” Sanji responded, just as direct.
Zoro’s eyes narrowed. “You will.”
Sanji’s eyes narrowed back. “Fuck off.” He huffed, pulling his hand out of Zoro’s. “I can’t leave,” He grunted, “You know that I can’t leave, marimo.”
“No, I don’t know.” He grunted, his eyes not leaving Sanji even for a moment. “I know that you’re scared. I know that you feel indebted to Zeff, and I understand that. What I also know is that you’re damning yourself by turning his love for you into a shackle.”
The cook’s shoulders hitched upward, and turned to him, fire in his eyes. “I am not shackled! I am where I want to be.” He spat.
“Bullshit.” Zoro said, “Your dreams are bigger than this.” He indicated at the entirety of the Baratie. “This was supposed to be the starting line, cook! It was supposed to be the beginning to your future, not the end of it!” He growled, “I will not let you rot here.”
“Let me?” Sanji said incredulously, “You don’t let me for shit!” He spat, “You don’t fucking control me, I will do as I want!”
“And I am saying that this isn’t what you want!” Zoro shook his head, “I know you better than to believe such absolute bullshit!”
“Why are you suddenly like this?!” He sounded almost hysterical, “You were fine with things before!”
“Now, you know me better than that.” He corrected. “I am willing to stay for you, and nothing more. I did tell you that if I get the chance to follow my dream, I will take it, and you agreed to it.”
“So you made a pirate crew?!”
“Joined, not made. Luffy is the captain.”
“That strawhat wearing twerp is the captain?!” If his eyes widened more than that, Zoro is pretty sure his eyeballs would fall out, which would be horrible considering how pretty they are. What he would do to see both of them right now. “Have you gone insane, Zoro?!
Oh wait, what where they talking about? Oh yeah. “He’s going to be king of the pirates.” Zoro said.
Sanji got silent.
The blue eyes squinted in mirth, though whatever his mouth was doing reminded him of the acrobatics Patty’s face tended to do. “An insane captain for an insane swordsman, huh.” He huffed.
He pulled Sanji’s hand until it caressed his face. “And I could do with my insane cook too.”
He shook his head, “No.”
Zoro could feel himself getting impatient. “Fine then!” He growled. “Then I am not leaving until you change your mind!”
Sanji’s singular twirly eyebrow raised condescendingly. “And, what? You’ll stay here until the end of time, waiting for me to change my mind?!”
“Yes.”
Sanji’s lips dropped into a deep frown. He seemed to finally be catching on. “You’re not giving up on your dream.”
“You won’t let me.” He said, just as sure. “Besides, before everything, my dream was to never leave you.” He grinned nastily. “If I can’t have both, then fuck everything else.”
Sanji didn’t say anything.
Zoro took his other shaking hand, carefully uncurled it, and gave it one final kiss. “I will be waiting for you.” He said, and walked away.
On the way back in, he found Luffy in an apron, pouting at the floor, and grinned.
Sanji has no idea what’s coming for him.