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"Close your eyes." This is his apartment, no official titles needed. As Kinn does, he takes a breath. Touching another person is very personal, invading space and boundary. This would qualify as intimate touch and it's very daunting. The heat of someone's skin under his is a shock to his own body. He can only prepare himself so far but this, his own heart racing. Out of fear, excitement.<
His fingers climbing into stinky smooth hair. Long stands of black against his skin. Hearing the inhale from Kinn almost has him stopping, not knowing is he has crossed the line. He wanted to experience this once, knowing what contact with another person is like.
"You can react now." He doesn't want to restrain Kinn, make him uncomfortable, have him squirming in place so Porsche can get this once in a lifetime thing. His hand laying on top of Porsche's arm, inches from his wrist. His eyes are closed. His own has stalled short of his scalp, too terrified to keep moving.
Kinn is taking his other hand and pulling it toward him. How he knew where it was, Kinn knowing his body better than his, that thought is terrifying. His other hand moving with the one in his hair. His eyes on Porsche. Dark, like they know the gravity of what Porsche has just done. "I like it when your touching me." The words settle like a boulder in his stomach.
Releasing a breath he didn't know he was holding, Kinns hands moving down his arms like he's reveling in touching him. It's so slow, so comfortable, he wasn't prepared for that. Forehead to forehead, breathing the same air. "Your dancing, Porsche." The voice just above a whisper. He didn't realize they were moving, swaying a little. Laughing in shock, "I don't know how." Kinn is laughing with him. "There's nothing to it."
Kinn's hands on his waist, they are so close, so quiet, it's the most peaceful he's ever been. His hands are either in Kinns hair or lapped over each other behind his neck. Is this what it's like? To just be? To bask in the other person? No expectations?
"I'm your submissive, Porsche." The words are a surprise to him. He has to have that backwards. "You've had this control over me since the moment we met." This is definitely setting him back. "I have control over no one or anything, Kinn. Not in my entire life." It's impossible. "It's true. All I've done is think about you. You have made me rethink every step I take and even check myself before I take one. I have overstepped a couple times only because this is new to me."
This has Porsche stopping cold. Isn't it backwards? The submissive having the control? What he is saying is Porsche has control over him. The battle here is Porsche is trying to make that add up to what he has known all his life. This is new to him to. It sounds new from Kinn but it doesn't sound like he's scared of it, he may have been before.
There is nothing he can do to change the argument, was there even one to begin with? He just has to accept it and that's a hard one. "How did you accept it?" A smile growing on Kinns face. His genuine, kind smile. "Because I love you."
His mind has come to a screeching halt. How can it be that simple? He was given allowances growing up because of the word special. Even his own parents, Kinn has never treated him different, just given him extra time. He knows love can make people give exceptions, an out as it were. But the right person can change perspective, it sounds like it's what has happened here.
"Take your time." Kinn can see him struggling with this. "Would you believe me if I told you you've changed my perception. How I view myself? How I feel? From what I've always known." Another smile on his face. Swallowing hard. "Would you believe me if I told you I'm in love you." It's been difficult for him to accept it. What he was meant to do and how he actually feels. It's been two big mine fields difficult for him to navigate and trying to keep them separate.
Somewhere along the way they went together, overlapped. Caused him some headaches trying to diffuse one and landing on another. But he also knows what feels right, things haven't felt right to him in a very long time. It left him with more questions. But somehow Kinn has the answers and unconditional acceptance and guidance. He didn't know he needed either one.