Archive of Our Own ^beta

Hiyori knocks on the door to Jun’s dorm, trying to ignore the gnawing dread sitting firmly in the pit of his stomach. Kohaku opens the door, looking entirely unenthused.

“Hiyori-han,” he says, stepping back. “What a surprise.”

“Ah, Kohaku-kun! Good evening!” Hiyori says brightly, taking the invitation to enter the room. “How are you? Are you well? Did you have fun performing today with my Nagisa-kun? Surely you did, it’s always such a joy to perform with him!”

Kohaku blinks at Hiyori’s onslaught of questions. “Ah, it was fun, yeah. Brings back memories.”

Jun steps forward and saves him from having to continue the small talk.

“Don’t bother him with that, Ohiisan,” he says. “You’re here to see me, right? What do you need?”

Hiyori flashes a grin and pinches one of Jun’s cheeks. “Ah! What a smart boy I’ve raised from the gutters all by myself! That’s precisely it, Jun-kun, I do need something from you! What I need, what you’re so very lucky to provide me, is to stay here with you tonight and tomorrow night! How exciting, right? A sleepover, just like when we were at Reimei!”

Jun just looks at him. “Ohiisan. I have a roommate.”

Hiyori looks back over at Kohaku, who sighs and looks altogether tired of Hiyori’s antics. He keeps a bright smile on his face; absolutely none of this is something that Kohaku Oukawa needs to know. He’d honestly have preferred it if Kohaku wasn’t here at all, if he could’ve just broken the news to Jun and had him tell his roommate when Hiyori wasn’t here anymore.

“Oh, you can just stay with someone, can’t you? Rinne-senpai, or one of your other bees maybe. Or even little Aira-kun from my circle, you know him, right?”

“I can’t just throw myself on someone’s doorstep with such short notice,” Kohaku says.

Hiyori cocks his head. “Well that’s what I’m doing, isn’t it? What’s wrong with this?”

Kohaku just looks at him, not saying a word for far too long. Then he sighs and shakes his head. “You noble folk sure live in a different world. What if everyone’s busy?”

Hiyori waves his hand in the air. “Oh, well, if that’s the case, I can just put you up in a hotel while I’m here. That’s no problem, right?”

“Is it gonna be that capsule one from before?” Kohaku asks, sounding reluctant and overall unimpressed.

“If you want it to be,” Hiyori responds. “Of course, if you’d rather stay somewhere else, that can certainly be arranged! Money’s no object for me, as I’m sure you’re aware. If you want to stay in a five star resort, you’re more than welcome to!”

Hiyori can sense that Kohaku’s resolve is fading, that he just needs one more good solid push until he goes along with Hiyori’s decree, so he jumps ahead a step or two to ensure his victory.

“Oh, and,” he adds, as the cherry on top, “if you’d rather just stay in the hotel regardless, you can invite someone else to stay with you! That’s no trouble at all, dear Kohaku-kun!”

Kohaku turns a little pink. “Really?”

Hiyori nods as his smile widens. Success is close enough to taste. “Absolutely! Like I said, no trouble at all.”

“Oh,” Kohaku says, looking flustered. “That sounds—that sounds nice. I’ll just call—um. Someone, and see if that works. Thanks, Hiyori-han.”

With that, Kohaku pulls his phone out and steps into the hall. Hiyori turns back to Jun, immensely pleased at the way he navigated that, and is disappointed to see Jun staring at him with a disapproving look on his face.

“Really?” Jun asks.

“What?”

“Don’t ’what’ me. Was manipulating the poor kid really necessary?”

“I did no such thing!” Hiyori says, faking offense. “I simply incentivized him to do as I say.”

“That’s a hell of an incentive, Ohiisan,” Jun remarks. “Why are you so desperate to stay here, anyways?”

“I’m many things, Jun-kun, but I’m never desperate,” Hiyori says, placing a hand on his hip. And sure, right now is as close to desperate as he’s probably ever gotten, but that’s not Jun’s business to know about.

“Yeah, yeah,” Jun mutters, rolling his eyes. “Either way, I still want an explanation before I agree to this.”

“I’ll give you one once he leaves,” Hiyori promises. “And besides, I’m doing him a favor. Aira-kun is infatuated with that boy. If that’s who he’s calling—and I’m quite sure it is, mind you—then I’ve gotten the pleasure of playing matchmaker for those two! Isn’t love just the best thing ever?”

Jun looks at him with a strange expression on his face. “You’re so weird, Ohiisan.”

Hiyori frowns and crosses his arms over his chest, but before he can open his mouth to admonish Jun, Kohaku pushes the door back open and enters with a shy smile on his face. Perfect timing, really. Hiyori turns his attention over to Kohaku.

“All good, I assume?” he says, rearranging his face back into a plainly happy smile.

Kohaku nods. “Yeah. Thanks again, Hiyori-han, really. It’s real nice of ya to do this for me.”

“But of course!” Hiyori says, flashing his teeth. “It’s the least I can do, isn’t it? So just go ahead and pack your things, and then you can head out and meet Ai–I mean, whoever it is you’ve invited. I’ll send you the details for the hotel once I’ve had a talk with Jun-kun, okay?”

“You make it sound like I’m in trouble,” Jun mutters.

“Talk back and you will be,” Hiyori shoots back simply. “Does that work for you, Kohaku-kun?”

“Yeah, that’s good,” Kohaku says, turning away from Hiyori and Jun and towards his side of the room. “I’ll just need a few minutes to grab stuff, ‘n then I’ll be outta your hair.”

Hiyori perches himself on the edge of Jun’s bed, waiting for Kohaku to leave. Jun takes a seat on the couch for reasons of which Hiyori is unaware. It’s not like he’s contagious, or anything like that. Jun could very well be sitting right next to Hiyori, and he has no reason not to be. If Kohaku wasn’t right there, Hiyori would be raising a stink right now, refusing to let anything happen until Jun came to his senses and sat where he belongs—right next to Hiyori. But Kohaku is here, so he can’t be as dramatic as he’d like to be.

But it’s fine; Kohaku really did only need a few minutes to throw some things into a bag. He’s finished now, so he bids Hiyori and Jun farewell, and then they’re finally alone.

Jun sighs. “Okay, Ohiisan. Tell me what this is about.”

Hiyori crosses his arms and pouts. “You’re too far away,” he complains. “I’m not doing anything until you move closer.”

“I’m like three feet away from you,” Jun says. He’s right, but that doesn’t make it okay.

“That’s too far!” Hiyori insists. “You have to come over and sit next to me, Jun-kun. I refuse to move to that horrid couch, it’s just so uncomfortable. I really have no idea how you can stand to sit there! So you have to come over here. That’s an order!”

Jun rolls his eyes but obeys. He stands up and closes the approximately three-foot distance so he’s sitting next to Hiyori on his bed. “Well?”

Well. This is the hard part, isn’t it? This is where Hiyori has to actually explain things. Not everything, of course. Only the bare minimum. Only enough so Jun will agree to let him stay here. He should start with the basics, he supposes.

“Okay. You know this whole festival is going on, right?” Hiyori starts. Jun nods, so he continues. “It’s practically a breeding ground for nostalgia. Everybody is bringing up memories of their old temporary units, having such a lovely time reminiscing on the shuffles they used to be in. I already got to perform, and I did get a chance to see you up on stage in that rather crass outfit of yours.”

“Hang on,” Jun says. “It’s not like I chose what the outfit looks like. I didn’t go on stage half-naked just because I felt like it.”

“You’re getting me off topic!” Hiyori says with a huff. He’d much rather be talking about Jun’s shuffle unit’s performance than his past, but he needs to at least explain a little before things start to get bad. Already, he’s starting to feel his stomach twisting itself into knots as the day rolls into evening. “You know the rules, right? No currently registered units. So we couldn’t go on stage and compete as Eden or Eve, because those are units we’re in all the time.”

“Right,” Jun says slowly. “I know the rules, Ohiisan. Is there a point to this?”

“fine is a unit that currently exists,” Hiyori says, smoothly ignoring Jun’s comments. “But the members in it now weren’t always in it. There were four original members, back when it was just a tool being used at Yumenosaki.”

“Wait,” Jun says. “Isn’t that—?”

“—The unit I was in before?” Hiyori finishes, looking rather disgusted. “The very same.”

“So you’re performing as fine again, then?” Jun asks.

Hiyori laughs, taking special care to make sure it doesn’t sound as forced as it actually is. “Oh, heavens no! Eichi-kun would never be foolish enough to ask that of us. But apparently this festival has brought back some fond memories, or something like that, and now he’s proposing that the four of us meet up tomorrow for a few hours for a chat. Dreadful business, isn’t it? I want no part in it, but that isn’t up to me. Nagisa-kun wants to, and it’s a bad look if he shows up and I don’t. And I can’t have Eichi-kun thinking he’s got something to hold over my head, now can I?”

Jun still looks confused. “I still don’t understand why you’re here, though. It’s just a couple of hours, right?”

“Well,” Hiyori says, quite patiently if he does say so himself. “You know that I hate looking back, yes? I’m a future-focused person! I simply see no benefit to reminiscing on a time that could only be described as a war, and I don’t see why anyone else does! It’s just dreadful, like I said. I don’t want to spend any more time than I have to thinking about it, so that’s where you come in! You had nothing to do with it in the first place, so if I’m around you then I don’t have to worry about anything unsavory being brought up! How lucky for you, who has no stakes in this horrible dredging up of the past!”

Hiyori doesn’t tell Jun that the thought of having to be back in a room with Eichi and Tsumugi, of talking about the Five Eccentrics again, of reliving those few months of destruction and suffering, is enough to make him feel sick to his stomach. He doesn’t say that he has no idea how he’s going to get through this, that the only thing he can think of to make this even remotely bearable is spending every moment he isn’t with ex-fine with Jun. He keeps his smile bright, hoping that his charms will be enough to convince Jun.

“I mean, I guess that’s fine, since you already kicked Sakura-kun out,” Jun says. “But you can’t sleep in his bed, so I don’t know what you were planning on doing. Are you taking the couch?”

Hiyori shakes his head, already feeling a little lighter at Jun’s permission to stay. “Of course I wouldn’t do that, Jun-kun! I’ll just sleep in your bed with you. That’s no problem, right?”

Jun’s face goes a little red at Hiyori’s suggestion. “It’s a single bed,” he protests. “That’s too small for both of us without it being weird.”

Hiyori cocks his head. “We’ve shared a bed before, Jun-kun, don’t you remember? Don’t tell me you’ve already forgotten the days when you had the privilege of living with me.”

“That’s different,” Jun says, turning a deeper shade of pink and averting his eyes. “That was back when you used to have those nightmares.”

Ah. There it is. There’s Jun’s acknowledgement of the subject Hiyori’s been trying to gracefully dance around for the last ten minutes. Maybe Jun’s not as clueless about all this as Hiyori thought he was, if he’s able to connect these dots.

“Right,” Hiyori says, testing the waters. “Didn’t you ever wonder what those nightmares were about? I know you were too polite to ask, but surely you had some theories.”

“I mean, I—” Jun starts, but he falters as Hiyori continues to stare at him. “I figured it wasn’t my business.”

Huh. Maybe Jun really is clueless. “You’re too obedient for your own good, Jun-kun. You’re telling me you seriously didn’t even question it a little bit? I had one almost every night for the first, like, three months we lived together. That didn’t worry you?”

“You told me not to worry about it,” Jun protests. “And I barely knew you. It would’ve been rude to start assuming things.”

“Oh, whatever,” Hiyori says. “We’ll deal with that if it comes back up. The moral of the story is that I’m staying here tonight and tomorrow night, and I’ll be sleeping in your bed, and everything else will be dealt with when it’s necessary! Okay, Jun-kun?”

Jun looks at him a little weird, and Hiyori has to fight the urge to break eye contact. “Yeah, that’s fine,” Jun eventually says.

Hiyori claps his hands together and beams. “Oh, perfect! So I’ll just go get my things, and then I have to go make a phone call to get Kohaku-kun’s room settled, and then I’ll be back, okay? I’ll even do you the honor of taking you out for dinner tonight! How lucky for you to get to accompany me!”

Jun’s eyebrows raise. “You’re taking me to dinner, too? You’re not, like, dying or something tomorrow, are you?”

Maybe he is laying this on a little thick. But it’s too important to be able to have Jun with him to take any chances. But it’s okay. Jun doesn’t suspect anything. Not one single bit, because Hiyori’s doing a great job of being okay, just like he always is.

“Well, I certainly hope not!” Hiyori says, putting on a little fake pout. “Can’t I simply do something nice for you every once in a while? Not everything I do has an ulterior motive, you know.”

Never mind that there is an ulterior motive this time. Jun doesn’t need to know about that.

“I’m not saying you can’t be nice to me,” Jun says. There’s a pause before his next sentence, and Hiyori doesn’t miss the unspoken you’re usually not nearly this nice to me. “But this is just… a lot of nice, Ohiisan. Not just to me, but to Sakura-kun as well. It almost feels like you’re trying to hide something.”

Almost. It almost feels like he’s trying to hide something. That means Hiyori’s still being convincing enough. Right?

“What would I be hiding from you?” Hiyori asks, nonchalant as he can be.

Jun studies him for a moment. It’s an uncomfortable feeling, like Jun’s trying to dissect him right here and now, and he has to actively try not to squirm under Jun’s gaze.

“I don’t know,” Jun says finally. “I don’t know what you wouldn’t tell me. I hope by now you’d feel comfortable talking to me about stuff that’s upsetting you, though. If you are hiding something, you don’t have to be.”

Something about that tugs at Hiyori’s insides. Jun wants him to be vulnerable. And he almost sort of half wants to be vulnerable with Jun, too, but this is a dangerous game to be playing. If he were anyone else? Sure, he could be vulnerable. He could go and tell Jun about all the terrible things he used to do, about the person he used to be, about how horrible all of it made him feel, about how the thought of having to relive it all is absolutely terrifying. But he’s not someone else. He’s Hiyori Tomoe, everyone’s perfect, happy sun, and he has to behave like it.

And besides, the worst things Jun has seen him do are be a little selfish and a little mean, and mostly to Jun himself. That’s a far cry from being at the forefront of a war that destroyed lives. There’s a very real chance that if Jun figured out what Hiyori did at Yumenosaki, he would be disgusted. He would be horrified at how Hiyori used to act. He would maybe even never want to speak to Hiyori again, and that’s something Hiyori cannot risk. Jun is far too dear to him to lose, so he has to make sure Jun doesn’t know anything.

“I don’t want you worrying about me, Jun-kun,” Hiyori says. “I don’t want you to try and pry into anything, because there isn’t anything for you to pry into. I’m fine, and I’m not hiding anything from you. If there’s anything I haven’t told you it’s because it isn’t relevant, okay?”

Jun tilts his head at that. “Alright,” he says. “I’m not gonna force you or anything.”

Hiyori smiles. “Good! Such a well-mannered boy you are, aren’t you? Well, since that’s settled, I’ll be off now to handle a few things. I’ll be back in maybe an hour, so don’t go getting yourself into anything while I’m gone, okay, Jun-kun?”

Jun nods and waves him off, and that’s that. Hiyori goes back to his room to start packing and to book a hotel room for Kohaku.

Something about that whole interaction with Jun felt off, and he doesn’t really know how to describe it. He didn’t say anything he didn’t want to, he didn’t reveal anything he wasn’t supposed to, so why does it feel like Jun’s starting to suspect something’s actually wrong?

Jun’s seen him when he’s not on before. Of course he has. They lived together for a year. Even Hiyori can’t keep an act like this up indefinitely, try as he might. Every nightmare, the occasional horrible phone call from one of his parents, after particularly long and exhausting work days, even during Conquest. Jun knows when something’s wrong enough to stop Hiyori from being able to turn on his personality, and he’s experienced the switch between on and off more than enough times.

But this wasn’t that. Hiyori’s most definitely on right now, so there should be no reason for Jun to doubt him. And yet, Hiyori could sense the doubt in Jun. That shouldn’t be happening. He’ll have to be careful for the rest of the day to make sure he acts right.

He opens the door to his room and is slightly disappointed to see both of his roommates there. He really would’ve rather had this time to himself. But it can’t be helped, so he goes to his side of the room and grabs a bag to start packing.

“Oh? What’s this?” Rinne says, sitting up from where he’s lying on his bed to get a better look at Hiyori. “What’s Hiyori-chan up to?”

“Packing an overnight bag,” Hiyori says, not even bothering to look up.

“Awww, you don’t want my amazing company tonight? Where are you going instead?” Rinne asks.

Hiyori sighs. “Jun-kun’s.”

Rinne lets out a cackle. “Oh, are you gonna be sleeping in his bed, then?”

“Of course I am,” Hiyori huffs out. “Jun-kun is mine, so Jun-kun’s things are mine, so it’s basically my bed, isn’t it?”

Hiyori’s reached the point of packing now where he has no choice but to look at Rinne while he works, and he can see Rinne’s shit-eating grin as he opens his mouth again.

“So Junjun’s sleeping on the couch, right?”

Hiyori frowns. “I’m not so cruel an owner that I would make him sleep on that ungodly couch! He’ll be in his own bed with me, of course.”

Rinne doesn’t say anything. Rinne doesn’t have to say anything, because his expression is impossible to misread.

“Get those disgusting thoughts out of your mind, Rinne-senpai,” Hiyori says, rolling his eyes. “Nothing is going on between us, and nothing is going to happen while I’m there.”

Rinne cackles again. “I’d hope not, if poor Kohaku-chan’s in there too!”

At the mention of Kohaku’s name, Hiyori suddenly realizes that Rinne would love to know about his Kohaku update. He breaks out into a mischievous grin. “Oh, wait until you hear this!” he says, sitting down on his bed, his bag all but forgotten. “I put him up in a hotel room, since I don’t like to be disturbed when I’m with my Jun-kun, and I was feeling extra nice today, so I offered to have him invite a friend. And he accepted.”

Rinne’s own grin sharpens. “You don’t think—”

Hiyori nods excitedly. “I do think, Rinne-senpai! He didn’t say who, but I swear to you he blushed a little bit.”

“This is prime intel, Hiyori-chan,” Rinne says. “Our next rehearsal is about to be so interesting!”

Hiyori stands up and finishes packing his bag. “Let me know what you find out, okay? I need to know if I can tease Aira-kun about it or not.”

Rinne promises to follow up. Hiyori slings his bag over his shoulder and glances over to Kanata, who’s sitting in front of his fish tank with his nose pressed up against the glass.

He shouldn’t ask. He shouldn’t bring it up. He of all people knows how mentioning it could go, how it could make Kanata feel. But still, there’s something nagging at him, far below the surface, something that he can’t even really admit to himself. He just needs to know. Just to make sure.

“Kanata-kun,” he says as casually as he possibly can. “Have you… heard anything lately from any of the other Eccentrics?”

Kanata turns to look at him. “I don’t usually ‘hear’ you say that ‘name,’” he says slowly.

Hiyori forces a carefree smile. “I know, how unlike me, right? I was just curious, since old units are being brought up and revived left and right. Are there any talks of the five of you reuniting for a performance?”

“My ‘brothers’ have not told me about any ‘reunions,’” Kanata says, shaking his head.

Hiyori can’t help but breathe a tiny sigh of relief. So there’s not some sort of secret plan that everyone but him is in on to rehash old drama. If the Five Eccentrics don’t know anything about it, then it’s probably fine. It’s just Eichi wanting to relive the glory days, or something stupid like that. It’ll be fine.

He bids his roommates farewell, then heads back to the ground floor. He makes a quick stop into the common room to call the best hotel he knows and books a room for Kohaku, instructing them to spare no expense in making him feel welcome and comfortable. With that taken care of, he sends the reservation over to Kohaku on Hold Hands, and checks his watch. It’s later than he thought; he must’ve spent too long gossiping with Rinne. He heads back to Jun’s room, flinging the door open without bothering to knock.

“Jun-kun, Jun-kun!” he calls out. “Your Ohiisan is back!”

“Gee, I couldn’t tell,” Jun mutters, looking up from his phone. He’s pretending to be annoyed, but he’s fighting back a fond smile so Hiyori can tell that he’s happy to see him, at the very least. As he should be, of course.

“I’m sure you just missed me so terribly while I was gone, Jun-kun, but fear not! Your Ohiisan is back and here to tell you that it’s time for dinner! Get your shoes on so we can go, okay?”

Jun stands up and moves to the door. “Where are we going?”

“Oh, just a little place I know,” Hiyori says. “Nothing too special, but nice enough to be to my tastes.”

They start to make their way out of Seisoukan, and Hiyori grabs onto Jun’s arm as they walk. He talks animatedly about the day’s events, talking about his own performance and dissecting Jun’s. Jun nods along, interjecting when Hiyori once again teases him for his shuffle unit’s outfit. Before they know it, they’re walking up to the restaurant, where Hiyori requests a table for them. After a few minutes of waiting, they’re led to a small table in a strangely secluded part of the restaurant. They sit down, and Hiyori starts looking at the menu while Jun just looks at their surroundings.

“Is something wrong with the place I picked out, Jun-kun?” Hiyori asks.

“There’s a rose on the table,” Jun comments. “And a candle.”

“So? They’re probably on every table,” Hiyori says. He looks around to prove his point, but every table he lays his eyes on is empty. Even the tables further away, which actually have people sitting at them, don’t have the same decorations as theirs. So the waitstaff must have mistaken his hold on Jun’s arm for… something more, then. Not that he’s complaining, of course, but Jun certainly seems to be.

“It’s fine,” Jun says quickly, seeing the look on Hiyori’s face. “It’s not a bad thing. I just wasn’t expecting it.”

Hiyori’s face smooths out again, and he smiles at Jun. “Good! Now decide what you want to order, Jun-kun. And remember, my treat. Don’t just get the cheapest option, or I’ll be mad at you!”

After they order, Hiyori allows silence to fall for a brief moment while he takes a sip of water. Things are definitely going well. He can afford to relax a little.

“Ohiisan, I have a question,” Jun says slowly. “About what we talked about earlier.”

Hiyori stiffens, staring down at the table between them. “Is it important?”

Jun hesitates. “It’s about your nightmares,” he says.

That catches Hiyori off guard. Jun shouldn’t still be thinking about his nightmares, not even one bit. “I don’t want to talk about that right now,” he says, shaking his head.

Jun, for whatever reason, doesn’t listen to him. “It’s just—You sort of acted like they—”

“Let me correct myself,” Hiyori interrupts, sharp and cold. “I’m not going to talk about that right now. So stop bringing it up.”

A year ago, Jun would’ve shrunk down in his seat and nodded his head, then not asked any questions. But he doesn’t do that. Instead, he cocks his head to the side and stares directly into Hiyori’s eyes. “Are you okay?” he asks. “You’re acting weird.”

Hiyori’s stomach drops. Jun shouldn’t be questioning him. Jun shouldn’t be suspecting anything. Tonight isn’t supposed to go like this at all. He needs to try harder, and he needs to make sure he doesn’t say anything that could possibly be taken to mean he isn’t okay.

“Weird?” he repeats, sprinkling in a little laugh. “I’m not acting weird. I don’t act weird. You’re the one who’s being weird, aren’t you? You’re supposed to be obedient, you know!”

Hiyori changes the subject to something safer, something he can control. But Jun’s planted the seed of doubt in him, whether he chooses to acknowledge it or not. Every word Hiyori says is only uttered once he runs it through a filter, making sure there’s no way it could be interpreted as weird or worrying, but still he second-guesses each sentence. He’s almost hyperaware of the way Jun’s looking at him, and he doesn’t know how to make Jun stop looking at him like that. He’s doing everything right, so it should be working. It is working.

And then, as they’re finishing their meal, during a lull in their conversation, Jun looks at him again. “Are you sure you’re okay?” he asks.

Hiyori frowns. “Why would you ask me that?”

Jun kind of squints at him, furrowing his brow ever so slightly. Something about it makes Hiyori feel horrifically exposed, and he’s suddenly certain that he’s doing a terrible job of hiding everything, that Jun knows far too much right now.

“...No reason,” Jun says after a minute. “I was just making sure, I guess.”

Hiyori’s breaths aren’t quite filling his lungs right now. Jun shouldn’t know this. Jun shouldn’t see this. Nothing’s even wrong right now, so why does he feel like this? It’s making Jun worry about him, and that’s not okay. He needs to be perfect in front of Jun.

“I told you, I’m fine,” Hiyori says, giving Jun what he hopes reads as a look of irritability. “Stop asking me that, it’s getting annoying.”

Hiyori pays, and then they start on the short walk back to Seisoukan. Hiyori keeps his distance from Jun while they walk. The cheerful atmosphere from before dinner is gone, and now all that’s left is a deep sense of dread eating its way through Hiyori, and if Jun gets too close he’ll see it and know about it. He’s already ruined most of the night; the least he can do is get through the rest of it without Jun looking at him like that again.

Jun doesn’t ask any more questions. The rest of the night is tense, to Hiyori, but if Jun notices, he doesn’t mention it. Hiyori just skirts around Jun the whole time, not making eye contact and only making surface level comments that he’s sure are safe. He just knows that he’s acting weird, based on the fact that Jun is still looking at him with that weird look in his eye, but this is as normal as he can be right now, so he just goes through the motions as best as he can until it’s finally time to go to bed.

Hiyori crawls into Jun’s bed, skincare done and pajamas on, and stares at the wall while Jun climbs in after him. He can feel a slight warmth radiating off of Jun’s body, so close to his, and despite everything, he takes comfort in it. It doesn’t matter how he acted earlier, because Jun is still willing to get into a too-small single bed and lie down this close to him. It’s okay that he was barely holding himself together. He’ll sleep soundly because Jun is next to him, and he’ll feel better in the morning. He whispers a soft goodnight to Jun and closes his eyes.

Hiyori dreams.

He dreams of blood.

There’s blood on his hands. Blood on the sword in his hands. It was given to him, thrusted upon him, but still he chose to wield it. The whole world is covered in blood, it seems, and he’s the one to blame.

Everything moves backwards, in slow motion. He sees the outcome. He knows the outcome. And still, he watches. Still, he stands by and does nothing.

Why does he do nothing? He sees what’s happening. He knows how wrong it is. He wants to do something about this. But as he looks down again, more blood stains his hands, his pure white outfit, and he finds his limbs moving of their own accord. He can’t change anything. Everything happens the way it always happens. Everything stays the same. Why can’t he do anything to change it?

Why didn’t he do anything when he had the chance?

Hiyori wakes up with a soft gasp, and when his eyes open, for a split second all he can see in the darkness is blood. He tries to sit up, to get away, but something prevents him from doing so. He looks down and sees Jun’s arm slung across his waist, and immediately the tightness in his chest loosens. He turns into Jun’s embrace and lets out a shaky breath. He can feel tears fighting to rise up and spill over, but he fights them back down. It’s okay now. Everything’s okay now. It was just a dream, and he isn’t alone anymore.

Jun stirs as Hiyori’s forehead makes contact with his shoulder. “Ohiisan…” he mumbles, still not really awake.

Hiyori shushes him. “Go back to sleep, Jun-kun, it’s okay,” he whispers. “Everything’s okay.”

Jun sighs softly and holds Hiyori tighter as he falls back into slumber almost instantly.

It’s almost pitiful how much Hiyori feels comforted by Jun’s arms around him right now. Jun doesn’t even know anything. If he woke Jun back up right now and asked him for comfort Jun wouldn’t even know where to start, would have basically no idea what’s even wrong. But maybe that’s just it. Maybe it’s because Jun doesn’t know the first thing about the war that his presence is so soothing right now.

So he made the right decision, at least, by choosing to stay with Jun until this is all over. But the fact that he had a nightmare again, after so long without one, is a bad sign. A really bad sign. He’s less over this than he thought he was, evidently. A year and a half of not thinking about the past means nothing when faced with it directly like this.

It’s just a meeting. Just a small gathering between the four of them. It’ll be a few hours, tops, and Nagisa will be there. He’ll be fine. Staying with Jun is just a precaution, just to make sure he has something other than ex-fine in case tomorrow goes poorly. But it won’t go poorly, he’s sure of that. He can handle a few hours of idle chatter with Eichi and Tsumugi, even if it is about the terrible things they used to do.

Hiyori sighs. He shouldn’t be thinking about this right now. It’s the middle of the night, and worrying about it will only keep him up later and make the actual meeting worse from the anticipation. So he focuses back on Jun, who’s holding onto him and breathing deeply.

It’s been a long time since they’ve slept in the same room. It’s been even longer since Jun has held him like this. Sure, they do a lot of fanservice in public, but that’s usually led by Hiyori and is never for anything other than views and profits. But this isn’t anything like that. It might not be… intentional, considering Jun is fast asleep, but it’s just the two of them so Hiyori can pretend Jun’s holding him because he wants to. He wraps his own arms loosely around Jun, knowing that he can explain away the closeness by saying he moved while he was asleep. And besides, Jun belongs to him. He should feel honored to be this close to Hiyori anyways.

He glances up at Jun’s lips. They’re parted ever so slightly, and they look so soft. He’s definitely sound asleep again by now. Would it really be so bad if Hiyori just… leaned in? Jun would never even know, so there’s nothing wrong with it, right? Just one kiss, before Jun wakes up. Before Hiyori comes to his senses.

But before he can work up his nerve, Jun sniffles a little in his sleep and Hiyori freezes. What on earth is he thinking? He can’t kiss Jun, not like this. It doesn’t matter how badly he wants to. He feels… wrong for even considering it. Their relationship is unbalanced enough as it is, and Hiyori’s well aware of that. He can’t make the first move, even if Jun is awake. It’s not fair to Jun to not give him a choice. Hiyori can’t take that away from him. And besides, Hiyori would much rather their first kiss be when Jun is aware of it and wants to kiss him back. No matter how long he has to wait.

He shakes his head to rid himself of the idea. He lifts his head up and glances over Jun’s shoulder at the clock on the nightstand. It’s almost 3 in the morning; he needs to go back to sleep. So he hides his face in Jun’s shirt and breathes in the faint smell of his body wash, one that Hiyori bought for him when he realized Jun was still using 3-in-1. It smells nice; it smells like Jun cares about him. He smiles a little. Wrapped in his fantasy world where Jun loves him, Hiyori drifts off again, and he sleeps soundly.

When morning comes, Hiyori wakes to an empty bed, a blank space where Jun should be. He’s mad, for a brief moment, that Jun would dare leave him, but then he hears the shower running in the bathroom and the anger settles down into annoyance. Jun’s an early riser; he knows this by now. And he was up in the middle of the night, so it makes sense that he slept in late enough that Jun got up to get ready for the day.

Hiyori turns his head to look at the clock. It’s not even that late, really; Jun’s just up far too early for Hiyori’s tastes. He still has a couple of hours before he has to go meet ex-fine, so he can have breakfast with Jun and spend a little more time with him to mentally prepare for his few hours of hell. But he’s feeling good today. He’s optimistic, and, putting aside the little roadbump of his nightmare, last night was really nice and left him feeling prepared to take on the day.

The water stops, and only a few minutes later Jun comes out of the bathroom with damp hair, a towel around his shoulders, and no shirt. Hiyori makes brief eye contact with his pecs (has Jun always been this muscular?) before he can feel his face heating up and he has to look away.

And it’s not like he’s never seen Jun shirtless before. He’s seen it countless times, actually, before and after every live in their dressing rooms, and sometimes during particularly strenuous rehearsals, and even when they lived together a year ago. But it must have been a while since their last live, or maybe he’s just not awake enough to behave on anything other than instinct, and his instinct is to stare at Jun, to drink in all the skin on display and imagine running his hands all over it.

But that is not an appropriate thought to have. Not this early in the morning, and not when Jun is looking at him.

“Ohiisan,” Jun says, and if Hiyori didn’t know better he’d say Jun was blushing. “Sorry, I didn’t realize you were awake.”

“It’s fine,” Hiyori says, his voice still rough from sleep. That’s kind of embarrassing, isn't it? He clears his throat and tries again, aiming for something that makes him sound slightly less affected by a shirtless Jun. “It’s fine. I just woke up. Without you, I might add! You know how disrespectful it is to leave me alone, Jun-kun.”

Jun blinks once, then turns towards his dresser. “I wanted to get a shower in before you spent an hour in there,” he says. “You know as well as I do that you take forever in the morning.”

Hiyori sits up and crosses his arms over his chest. “I have a lot to do! It’s hard work looking this good, you know.”

Jun sighs as he pulls a shirt over his head. “Yeah, yeah, I know.”

Hiyori gets up and heads into the bathroom to take his own shower. He most certainly does not spend an hour in the bathroom, no matter what Jun may claim, but he does take his time on his morning routine, taking the methodical steps as an opportunity to center himself. His nightmare was bad, sure, but Jun made that fear go away. And he did sleep better the second half of the night, so he feels a lot better this morning. Today will be fine. He was overreacting last night, but only because Jun’s words were getting to him. He nods to himself in the mirror as he puts one last cream under his eyes, then leaves the bathroom to meet Jun.

“I’m hungry,” he announces. “Let’s go to a cafe!”

Jun sighs. “Why do I always have to spend money when I’m with you?”

“Oh?” Hiyori says, making his way over to Jun and poking his cheek. “Was that an offer to cook breakfast for us instead? I’ll graciously accept!”

Jun can absolutely refuse if he wants to. But he doesn’t. “Okay,” he says instead. “Let’s go to the kitchen, then.”

Hiyori grins, pleased at getting his way. They head into the kitchen, where Jun dutifully cooks breakfast for them. He sets a plate of rice, salmon, and eggs in front of Hiyori and then sits down across from him.

“No quiche?” Hiyori asks, feigning disappointment.

Jun stares at him for a moment, then picks up his chopsticks. “Did you see me use the oven?”

“I can dream,” Hiyori says with a wistful sigh.

“I’ll make you a quiche soon,” Jun promises. “I know you’re not looking forward to today, so I’ll make you one as a reward for getting through it.”

That makes Hiyori smile softly. “That’s nice of you,” he says. He pauses, then opens his mouth again. “I’m sorry about last night, by the way. I was acting a little weird. But I really am fine now, so you don’t need to worry about me today.”

“It’s alright,” Jun says. “I still don’t really know what’s going on, but I’m glad you feel better.”

Jun smiles back at him, too, and Hiyori’s chest goes all warm. Jun really is too good to him, even if he doesn’t know the first thing about Hiyori’s past.

“When do you have to leave?” Jun asks, interrupting Hiyori’s thoughts.

Hiyori checks his watch and sighs. “I should leave now,” he says. “I don’t really want to be early, but I really don’t want to be late. It’s just in the main building, so I’d be very pleased if you walked me over there.”

Jun stands up and clears their now empty plates. “I can do that,” he says. “I wanted to go talk to Ibara about my schedule anyways, and I’m willing to bet he’s in his office right now.”

Hiyori smiles triumphantly, once again getting what he wants. He holds onto Jun while they make the short walk across Ensemble Square, and the walk only further confirms to Hiyori that today is going to go just fine. He bids Jun farewell in the hallway outside the small room Eichi booked for them.

“I’ll let you know when I’m done, so we can maybe do something afterwards,” he says, releasing Jun’s arm.

“Try to have fun,” Jun says. “But call or text me if you need anything, okay? The rest of my day is free, so I’m available, even if it’s just so you can shit talk Tenshouin-senpai.”

Hiyori can’t suppress the little laugh he snorts out. “I’ll be fine,” he promises. “But I might take you up on that if I get too bored. Bye, Jun-kun!”

Jun heads towards the elevators, and Hiyori’s left standing alone in front of the door. He closes his eyes for a brief moment, taking a deep breath, then opens the door. He’ll be fine.

And he is fine, at the start of it. He doesn’t have to do much talking, really. Tsumugi, somehow, doesn’t seem to have any negative feelings about his time in fine. It’s hard to really comprehend that, considering his own feelings, but it does make it easy to smile and nod along, and to laugh in all the right places.

“Do you remember that time you had me come pick you up from downtown, Hiyori-kun?” Tsumugi asks, a bright and innocent smile on his face.

He’s being forced into this one, with Eichi’s eyes on him. “Surely that happened more than once!” he replies, smiling back as naturally as he can. “I’m afraid you’ll have to be more specific, Tsumugi-kun.”

Tsumugi laughs. “You’re right, it probably did happen a few times! But I think this was the first time, before we’d really started our idol activities. Nagisa-kun, you came with me, right? And you’d just finished hanging out with a bunch of fangirls, Hiyori-kun.”

Ah. He does remember that, actually, though he’d been trying to forget it. He’s not proud of the time he used to spend surrounding himself with random girls just to feel something. He wishes he could leave it in the past and shut this conversation down, but Eichi is still looking at him, watching for any signs of weakness. “Oh, you’re right, I remember now!” he says, throwing in a polite laugh. “What about it?”

“It’s interesting to see how much you’ve changed,” Tsumugi says. “Back then, you were basically inseparable from Nagisa-kun, and he from you. I know you two still spend a lot of time together, but it’s nice seeing you around ES with other people, too.”

As time progresses, Hiyori’s stomach starts to hurt and his confidence that he would be fine is rapidly disappearing. Everyone, including Nagisa, is bringing up memories he’s still working to forget. He hadn’t realized until now just how many things he’s been suppressing since he left fine. If he thought last night’s nightmare was bad, it’s surely going to be nothing compared to the one he’ll have tonight. 

He’s still able to keep his act up, though, still smiling and laughing politely in all the right places, and counting down the minutes until it’s not impolite to call the reunion done.

After well over an hour, there’s finally a big enough lull in the conversation that Hiyori decides it’s been more than long enough. “Well!” he says, with as much finality as he can. “This has been lovely, truly, but I do think it’s about time for me to get going! So sorry to cut the meeting short, but I’ll see you all later!”

And right before he can stand up, Eichi opens his mouth. “Wait a moment, Hiyori-kun,” he says. “I have something rather important I need to say.”

Hiyori rolls his eyes. Of course Eichi has something to say. “Get on with it, then.”

“Well, you see, there’s a rumor circulating around ES,” Eichi starts. “That the current top scoring unit, Altered, is actually the Five Eccentrics, banding back together.”

No.

No.

“As such,” Eichi continues, “there are also rumors that we, as the newly formed fine-O, will be facing off against them in the finals tonight.”

This can’t be happening.

This has to be a dream, a nightmare.

“Of course, this can only happen if all four of us agree to it,” Eichi says. He’s smiling a little as he glances at Hiyori. Just what kind of expression is on Hiyori’s face that’s so damn amusing? “However, it seems that these rumors are quite popular among fans, and now a good number of them are looking forward to a sort of rematch between our two groups.”

Has the air always been this thin? It can’t have been. Just a few minutes ago he was breathing fine.

This can’t be happening.

“Who started the rumors?” Hiyori asks, suddenly finding his voice.

“That, I don’t know,” Eichi answers smoothly.

Hiyori’s tone sharpens. “Don’t lie to me. It was you, wasn’t it?”

Eichi smirks. “You’ll never find any proof that I did.”

Hiyori stands up, moving towards Eichi without thinking about what he’s doing. All of a sudden, there’s a hand holding his, and he looks down at it to see Nagisa holding him and pulling him back.

“Now, let’s not get into a fight about it!” Tsumugi says quickly. “I’m sure we can work this out, right?”

With Nagisa’s hand in his, Hiyori can almost breathe. Almost. Just barely enough that he realizes he’s taking this way too far. He needs to do a better job of acting normal. Eichi’s just trying to get a rise out of him, just like he used to. It can’t work this time. So he sits back down, holding onto Nagisa’s hand tightly.

Eichi clears his throat. “As I was saying, we certainly can perform tonight. I happen to have a song for us that’s easy enough to learn if we rehearse for the rest of the day. And it would certainly make our fans happy, wouldn’t it? But we can only make their dreams come true tonight if all four of us agree to it. Tsumugi-kun?”

“I don’t mind!” Tsumugi says. “I think it sounds like fun!”

Eichi smiles at him, then turns his head. “Nagisa-kun?”

Nagisa will say no. Nagisa knows to say no. Nagisa will save him, and shut this whole thing down right now.

“…I think it could be interesting,” Nagisa says. “…To play the role of an angel once more.”

This cannot be happening. How is Hiyori the only sane person in this room?

Finally, Eichi turns to look at Hiyori. “And you, Hiyori-kun?”

“No,” Hiyori says immediately. “Absolutely not.”

“That’s a shame,” Eichi says, sighing a little and shaking his head. “I’m sure the fans will be quite disappointed.”

“Don’t do that,” Hiyori says. “You think I’ll fall for your old tricks again?”

“I’m sure I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Hiyori changes his target. “Nagisa-kun, You can’t seriously want to do this, right?”

“…It’s as I told Eichi-kun. I think it would be interesting,” Nagisa says. “And I would hate to let down our fans.”

It’s becoming increasingly clear that Hiyori’s fighting a losing battle. But his smile is cracking, and he can’t go on like this. This wasn’t supposed to happen. He could handle their talk. A small reunion was fine. He cannot go back on stage with these three and pretend the way he used to. But everyone, including Nagisa, is starting to look at him weird, and that’s not an option.

“You’re behind this,” he tells Eichi. “I know you are. Don’t bother lying to me. I want to know why.”

“Oh, I’m sure you’ll find out everything you want to know,” Eichi says nonchalantly. “If you don’t leave, that is.”

So that’s the game Eichi’s playing. How rotten of him.

Fine. If that’s how he wants to be, then Hiyori has no choice but to go along with it. But he’ll make Eichi’s life miserable until then.

So he opens his mouth to agree, but no sound comes out.

Huh. That’s not supposed to happen.

But his throat feels tight, all of a sudden.

This isn’t good. Everyone is still looking at him, waiting for a response that he doesn’t know how to give. It feels like the walls are closing in on him. Everything is too much.

This is all just too much.

But he can’t let it be too much. That’s not something he’s allowed to do. So he pulls on every ounce of strength he has left and forces a big smile onto his face.

“If everyone else wants to perform, then who am I to stop you?” he says cheerily, forcing the words past the lump in his throat. “It seems that ex-fine shall take the stage one more time, won’t it!”

Eichi smiles back at him, but there’s something hidden beneath the smile that Hiyori’s far too overwhelmed to decipher. “Oh, good. I’m glad you’ve come around. Everyone will be so happy to see us perform. I’ve booked the practice room right next to this conference room for us. Shall we move over there and get started?”

Nagisa and Tsumugi start standing up, but this is too much. Everything he had left was used up on agreeing to this stupid thing in the first place. He can’t just start right away. He needs to leave. He needs to get away from this right now.

“Wait,” he says quickly, wincing when he hears the undertone of desperation. “I need to use the bathroom first. I won’t be doing anything before that!”

“By all means,” Eichi says, gesturing towards the door. “Take all the time you need.”

Hiyori keeps his smile plastered to his face as he ducks out of the room. As soon as the door shuts, separating him from the others, the smile drops. That was bad. That was bad bad bad. He almost broke in there, in front of Nagisa, in front of Tsumugi, in front of Eichi. That’s the one thing that can never happen. And it almost did. He can’t do this. He really really can’t. The world is collapsing in on him, and he doesn’t have a single person to help him right now.

All of a sudden, Jun’s words come back to him. If you are hiding something, you don’t have to be. And then, only an hour or so ago: Call or text me if you need anything.

Maybe he can ask Jun…? But that would mean Jun would know. Jun would see him like this, because he can’t hide it right now. But something has to change, because there’s no way he can go back into that room and act okay.

Can he trust Jun? Of course, he trusts Jun with his life. But with his emotions? That’s much harder to do. Nearly impossible, in fact, but does he really have a choice right now?

Jun helped him last night. Jun isn’t aware of that fact, sure, but he did. Jun held him and he was able to lean into Jun’s embrace and breathe easier because of it. And that’s all he needs right now. He needs to be able to breathe, to be able to turn his lips up into a smile and shine like he always does. And the only person who can help him do that right now is Jun.

He inhales slowly, resigned to his fate. It’ll be okay. He still doesn’t have to actually tell Jun anything, just deal with Jun seeing him more upset than he probably ever has. It’ll be okay.

He walks through the hall, rounding a corner and entering the nearest bathroom. The door closes, and he whips out his phone and instructs Jun to come meet him there. Jun’s probably still in the COS PRO office, so he’s still in the building. It shouldn’t take long for him to get here. He leans against the wall and waits for Jun. Only a few minutes later, the door opens and Jun enters.

“Ohiisan, what—”

And as soon as Hiyori looks at Jun, the floodgates open, and the words he’s been holding back come spilling out.

“He’s making us perform,” he interrupts, feeling horrifically weak. “Jun-kun, he’s making us compete.”

“What?” Jun looks confused.

Hiyori can barely even look at him. “I can’t believe this. I can’t believe I let him trick me like this again.”

“Ohiisan, you’re not making any sense,” Jun says. “Is this about fine?”

Hiyori slides down the wall, his head in his hands. “I can’t do this,” he whispers. “I can’t go through this again.”

Jun finally seems to realize that what Hiyori needs right now is comfort, so he kneels down and puts a hand on Hiyori’s shoulder. Hiyori looks up at him with tears in his eyes, but as soon as they make eye contact Hiyori realizes that he’s about to cry, and he hasn’t ever cried in front of Jun, not even when he used to have his nightmares, so he can’t cry right now. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath and grabs onto Jun’s arm, trying desperately to pull himself back together.

“I’m okay,” he says, half trying to convince Jun and half trying to convince himself. “I’m okay, really.”

Jun sits down next to him. “Ohiisan, please tell me what’s going on.”

Hiyori takes another breath. “It’s Eichi-kun,” he says, feeling sick. “He fooled me. Again. This was just supposed to be a meeting. But he’s signed us up to compete in this stupid festival.”

“Why would he do that?” Jun asks. “If he wanted to perform with you as fine again, why wouldn’t he just ask?”

Hiyori shifts, leaning further into Jun. “He knows I would never agree if he asked outright.”

“Oh,” Jun says. “But why does he even want to perform as old fine ?”

“I don’t know,” Hiyori whispers. “I have no idea. And he’s using that to make me do it.”

“The festival ends tonight, though, right? Do you even have enough time to learn a song and perform it?”

Hiyori looks at Jun. “That’s not the problem. I can pick up a song in a day. And our choreography was never as advanced as ours is in Eden, so it’ll be easy enough to learn.”

“If that’s not the problem, what is?” Jun asks.

“The problem is that I don’t know if I can do this, Jun-kun,” Hiyori says sharply.

Jun winces at Hiyori’s tone, and right away Hiyori feels bad. “This isn’t your fault,” he says, softening his voice. “I shouldn’t be talking to you like that. This is just—too much. It’s too much for me to deal with.”

Jun carefully migrates his hand to Hiyori’s other shoulder, pulling him closer. It’s a gesture Hiyori appreciates; with Jun’s arm around him he can breathe a little easier and everything seems a little bit less overwhelming.

“So… you don’t want to perform with ex-fine, right?” Jun asks. “Sorry, this is still a little confusing for me. You don’t really talk about it, so I don’t know very much about it.”

Hiyori closes his eyes briefly. He’s already been gone too long. They’re going to start wondering where he is if he doesn’t go back soon. “I don’t talk about it,” he says slowly, “because I don’t like thinking about it. Some things are better left in the past. Surely you understand that as well.”

“That’s—yeah,” Jun says. “Yeah, I get that. So this is bringing up bad memories?”

“Something like that.” Hiyori opens his eyes and stands up. “I have to go back now. I won’t see you again until after the performance. You can come see it if you want, I don’t really care. But please come meet me backstage when I’m done.”

Jun nods. “Okay, I can do that.”

Hiyori walks to the door and pauses, turning back. “Jun-kun? I just… want to warn you now. I thought I was going to get through this fine, but that was before I had to perform. I’m not going to be able to keep this up once I get offstage. I can’t… act like normal, after this. But I need you once this is over.”

“I’ll be there, I promise,” Jun says, waving him off. “Have a good rehearsal.”

Hiyori goes back to the practice room, talking himself up the entire time. He can do this. It won’t be so bad, really. All he has to do is get through the next six hours or so with a smile on his face. Talking to Jun really did help, even though Jun still doesn’t know anything about why he’s this upset. Which is better for both of them, really, isn’t it? Jun held him and listened to him for a few precious minutes, and now Hiyori feels just barely normal enough that he’s confident he can get through this. And if he’s lucky, he can figure out why the hell Eichi’s doing this to him before they’re slotted to go on stage. Maybe he can even drop out, if that happens. He doesn’t really care about appearances anymore, not in front of the rest of fine-O. That went out the window as soon as Eichi dropped the news that they had to perform. All he cares about is figuring out why.

Nagisa looks up at him as soon as he enters the room. “…Hiyori-kun, are you okay?” he asks. “I was starting to get worried.”

“Finer than ever!” Hiyori replies brightly, feeling Tsumugi and Eichi’s eyes on him. “I just happened to look in the mirror while I was washing my hands, and I simply got enraptured by my own beauty! It was nearly impossible to walk away from, as I’m sure you can imagine!”

Eichi chuckles. “A modern day Narcissus? I can’t say I’m surprised, Hiyori-kun.”

Hiyori circles around and drapes himself over Nagisa’s shoulders, taking a second to rely on him for strength. “Yep! I can’t help being this dazzling, after all! Now, let’s get this horrid thing over with, shall we?”

They start rehearsing, and Hiyori pokes and prods at Eichi as best as he can, trying to get him to slip up and admit his motives. But Eichi is like an iron fortress; he doesn’t slip up, not even once. Hiyori can feel himself getting strung along as the day progresses. He knows that he’s falling for old tricks again, but he can’t help himself anymore. He needs to know, needs to understand, far more than he needs to protect his own wellbeing. He’s slowly but surely going insane, and he can feel it in his bones, and the only way to fix it is for Eichi to explain everything.

Finally, finally, with only fifteen minutes until they’re slotted to go on, when they’ve already been announced to the crowd, and they’re waiting backstage, Eichi starts his monologue.

Every word he says is like a shard of glass piercing Hiyori’s heart. There’s no relief in the explanation, no beautiful moment of clarity. Only pain, only more hurt. 

Of course this is all for Wataru’s sake. Everything Eichi does is for that reason, isn’t it? It’s all to alleviate Wataru’s guilt, and by extension his own. Never mind that he’s toyed with and strung along so many other people as a means to that end.

And to act as if some of Hiyori’s own guilt should be somehow lessened by this? It’s laughable. It’s a terrible excuse for a selfish act that rivals Hiyori at his worst. 

And just like that, he’s been thoroughly manipulated, just like old times. He’d thought he was past falling for Eichi’s tricks like this by now. But this is perhaps the most elaborate trick Eichi has ever pulled, and Hiyori fell into it helplessly. His stomach twists and twists and twists, working itself into a knot that will probably never come undone.

He wishes he wasn’t here right now. He should never have learned any of this. This doesn’t help him, no matter how much Eichi wants to pretend this is a way for them all to heal from the past. And it’s far too late to back down now. They’ve already been announced, and the crowd is expecting them. Hiyori has to go out there, even though it’s the last thing he wants to do.

He can’t even tell himself that it’ll be fine anymore. It won’t be fine. Absolutely none of this is okay at all. And he has to do it anyways. He has no choice. Did he ever?

It’s time for them to go onstage. He has to get through this. How is he ever going to get through this? It doesn’t matter. He just has to, no matter what. He turns on his smile, turns off his brain, and does his very best to not think about anything for the next five minutes.

And then, as quickly as it started, it’s over. The crowd must be full of Yumenosaki fans; they love every second of the performance. Of course, maybe it’s just because his performance was so dazzling that even people who had never heard of fine-O before this festival have fallen in love with him. That would be nice, wouldn’t it? Then, all of them could just become Eden and Eve fans, and he’d never have to worry about reliving this ever again.

He so desperately wants to turn back off, to wipe this stupid smile from his face and to never smile again. But he doesn’t have that luxury yet. fine-O’s performance may be over, but Hiyori’s has to continue until he can get away from Eichi and the others.

The lights have finally cut, and they can leave the stage now. The second they’re backstage, Hiyori turns his head and looks for Jun. Jun had promised he’d be here, right? So Jun should be here. Where is he?

“Ohiisan,” someone calls out softly. Hiyori looks to the source of the sound, and sees dark blue hair and a green jacket, and oh, there’s Jun, just like he promised. How did Hiyori miss him on his first glance? His head feels fuzzy. His brain must not be working properly yet. That could be a problem. He still has to talk to get out of this. It’ll be fine. He’s almost done with this. He’ll be fine.

“Jun-kun!” he says, hoping he sounds excited. He bounds across the floor, making his way over to Jun.

“Oh?” Eichi says, a glimmer of humor in his eyes. “I see your dog came to congratulate you, Hiyori-kun. How well you’ve trained him.”

“Yep!” Hiyori replies, blindingly bright. “My Jun-kun really is a good and obedient boy! I can’t help but wonder where your little Eccentric is, why he hasn’t come over to see you. Could it be that he’s off with his friends that he likes more than you? What a pity! Try not to drop dead before he finds his way over here, okay?”

Eichi’s smile tightens. “How kind of you to worry, Hiyori-kun. I believe I’ve tortured you enough, wouldn’t you say? You’re free to enjoy the rest of the festival as you please.”

Hiyori latches onto Jun’s arm and waves. “Bye-bye, Tsumugi-kun, Nagisa-kun! Try not to miss me too much!”

With that, he turns and drags Jun along with him backstage and to the dressing room, locking the door behind them. As soon as the door is shut, Hiyori’s smile drops and he leans much more heavily on Jun. Jun guides him to the couch and sits them both down. Hiyori climbs into his lap, straddling his waist, and drops his head down onto Jun’s shoulder. Jun freezes a little.

“Ohiisan?” He sounds confused. Hiyori supposes that’s fair, considering he isn’t usually this forward, even with Jun. But he can’t care about that right now. He needs Jun more than he needs to preserve his dignity, so he just shakes his head and holds Jun tighter.

Jun recovers from his surprise. “The others are gonna be back soon to change,” he says softly.

“I know,” Hiyori mumbles. “I just… need a moment.”

Did it always feel like this? Was he always so… drained after his performances before? Jun pets his hair softly and he allows himself this small moment of quiet before he has to turn his personality back on to get back to Jun’s dorm.

“You look nice in this,” Jun offers. “I like the colors.”

Hiyori hums. “I hate it. I hate it a lot, actually.”

Jun pauses for a moment. “Oh. Do you want to take it off?”

Hiyori heaves a big sigh and tugs his gloves off. “I do. Help me get it off, Jun-kun.”

Jun slowly strips Hiyori of his uniform, of the bright happy angelic outfit that has been suffocating him since the moment he put it on. Such a fraudulent thing, this outfit. He sits still while Jun works, eyes closed and mind frustratingly slow.

It can’t have always been like this. Something must have changed, something must be different. He feels so empty right now, and he can’t fathom doing much of anything in his current state. He’s not sure he’d even be able to change on his own right now; he feels frozen in place, heavy-limbed while Jun works on the buttons of his shirt.

“Ohiisan,” Jun says, breaking the trancelike state Hiyori’s found himself in. “Just the pants left now. C’mon, let’s stand up.”

Oh. Hiyori hadn’t realized his shirt was off already. He’s pulled up into a standing position, then Jun helps him kick off his shoes. If Jun’s in any way apprehensive about taking Hiyori’s pants off, he certainly doesn’t show it; he undoes the button and pulls them down without hesitation. Hiyori’s finally free from the horrid outfit, but he doesn’t feel any relief like he’d hoped he would. He just feels… nothing.

He stares at the clothes. “I want to burn them.”

“What?”

“I want to destroy them,” Hiyori repeats. “I don’t want to ever wear them again. I don’t want them to exist anymore.”

“Oh,” Jun says. “I don’t… know if you can do that.”

Hiyori tears his gaze away from the pile of clothes and looks back at Jun. “I want to lie down. Where are my clothes?”

“I don’t know, Ohiisan, you were the one who took them off in the first place,” Jun says, looking around. “What were you wearing?”

“Just my training stuff,” Hiyori answers. “It’s somewhere.”

He turns and starts looking around. He spots his small pile of folded clothes across the room and starts towards it. He pulls the t-shirt over his head and steps into the pants, but leaves the sweatshirt off. He turns back to Jun and tugs at his jacket.

“I want to wear this,” he says. Jun nods and shrugs his jacket off, then hands it to Hiyori. Hiyori gives his own sweatshirt to Jun in exchange.

“We don’t have to trade,” Jun says. “I’m happy just giving you mine.”

“It’s cold,” is all Hiyori says. Jun takes the sweatshirt and puts it on.

He’s probably being a little too forward still. But Jun’s jacket smells like him, and it’s still a little warm and it’s something, which is far better than the nothingness swirling around inside him. And it’s nice, seeing Jun wearing his sweatshirt. It doesn’t matter that he told Jun to put it on, because in the end Jun did put it on, even though he didn’t have to.

It’s not enough to fix Hiyori. But it’s just barely enough that he can get back to Seisoukan without anyone other than Jun knowing something’s wrong.

“Are you ready to go back out?” Jun asks.

“Almost.” Hiyori takes a deep breath and pulls himself together. He straightens up and a sunny smile appears back on his face. “Okay, Jun-kun! Let’s go back now.”

“It still scares me how fast you’re able to do that,” Jun mutters, but he allows himself to be dragged out the door and through the hallways.

“Over a decade of practice makes it as easy as getting dressed!” Hiyori says cheerily. “Well, usually, at least. Right now, it’s taking a lot more effort than usual.”

They make their way across Ensemble Square, into Seisoukan, and through the hall to Jun’s dorm. The door shuts behind them, and Hiyori’s demeanor drops again. He all but collapses onto Jun’s bed and curls up into a ball.

“You okay?” Jun asks, sitting down next to him.

Hiyori makes a noncommittal noise.

“Need anything specific from me?”

“Hold me.” Hiyori’s voice is small.

Jun holds him, wrapping his arms around Hiyori immediately. It’s warm, in Jun’s arms, and Hiyori can breathe a little easier.

“Sorry I’m not… on right now,” Hiyori says. “You’re the only one I can do this in front of.”

“It’s alright,” Jun says. “You don’t have to pretend right now.”

Hiyori doesn’t respond, just breathes slowly and allows the feeling of Jun holding him to comfort him.

“You don’t ever have to pretend in front of me,” Jun adds in a soft voice.

It’s good that Jun’s saying that, because even if Hiyori needed to pretend to be okay right now, he’s not quite sure he’d be able to.

He’s silent for a long time. He doesn’t have anything to say, and Jun doesn’t seem inclined to start a conversation. Probably a good thing, he supposes. He can’t imagine that he’d be any fun to talk to right now. So he just lies there in Jun’s arms, and listens to Jun’s quiet breaths and tries not to think about anything that’s happened in the last 24 hours.

“Did you figure out why Tenshouin-senpai was doing all of this?” Jun asks after a while, his voice soft.

Hiyori nods but doesn’t say anything.

“…Was it worth it?”

Hiyori laughs hollowly. “Not even a little bit.”

“…Oh,” Jun says. “I’m sorry.”

“Jun-kun,” Hiyori says, taking hold of one of Jun’s hands. “How much do you know about ex-fine ?”

Jun’s silent for a moment. “I know that you hate it,” he says finally. “But other than that, not much.”

“Good. Keep it that way.”

“You don’t wanna talk about it?” Jun asks.

Hiyori shakes his head. “Talking about it won’t undo any of it.”

“It might make it easier,” Jun says.

“I don’t—” Hiyori starts, but he falters. “I don’t think I deserve for it to be easier.”

“What?”

“I don’t know.” Hiyori stays unmoving, mumbling the words out. “It doesn’t really matter.”

Jun holds him a little tighter. “Ohiisan, are you sure you don’t want to talk about it?”

“No,” Hiyori says. “I don’t want to. I want to sleep. I hate not feeling like myself.”

“Okay, that’s probably a good idea,” Jun says. “Just close your eyes and rest. I’ll be here when you wake up, okay?”

Hiyori nods and allows his eyes to close.

When he drifts off, he sleeps fitfully. Flashes of the past flit in and out of his mind, interspersed with Jun, looking at him in disgust when he finds out who Hiyori used to be. He reaches out to Jun, calling out desperately for him, begging him to wait, to come back, but Jun turns and leaves, not even sparing him a second glance. He’s left alone, and then Eichi comes and pulls him back up and somehow he’s in his fine uniform again, shoved on stage to perform again and again.

His eyes snap open, and the first thing he’s aware of is the lack of Jun’s arms around him. Jun’s gone.

“Jun-kun?” He sits up, and panic starts to take hold. “Jun-kun, where did you go?”

“Ohiisan, I’m right here,” Jun says softly.

Hiyori’s head whips around and he looks behind him, and there Jun is, sitting on the bed and looking at him with concern. Tears spring to his eyes and he latches onto Jun.

“I thought you left me,” he whispers, and he’s aware that he’s starting to cry in front of Jun but he can’t make himself stop. A tear rolls down his cheek, and he hides his face in Jun’s shirt as his breaths start to come quicker.

Jun hesitates, only for a moment, then wraps his arms around Hiyori and holds him close. “You were moving around a lot in your sleep. I just didn’t want to hold you in place while you were so restless. I told you I would stay, and I meant it.”

“I’m sorry, I—I don’t know what’s wrong,” he whispers, holding onto Jun tighter. “I’m sorry, Jun-kun, I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay, Ohiisan, you’re okay,” Jun says softly. “It was just a dream, right? It wasn’t real. Just stay here, you’ll feel better soon.”

He’s crying for real, now, these big, ugly sobs that he can’t suppress no matter how hard he tries. Jun is still holding him for now, sure, but how much longer will his kindness last? How much of Hiyori acting out will he take before he gets tired of it and leaves?

“I’m not supposed to do this in front of you,” Hiyori gasps out. “I’m not. I’m not I’m not I’m not.”

Jun rocks him back and forth slowly. “Ohiisan, you don’t have to pretend in front of me, I promise.”

Hiyori’s overly aware that this isn’t a good look for him, that there’s a too-high chance that Jun will look at him crying about something as silly and inconsequential as a bad dream, and lose any and all respect and then leave, but he doesn’t know how to make himself stop. He’s not supposed to do this. He’s supposed to be bright and happy all the time, a personality befitting his role as Eden’s sun. And even when he can’t be that, like during Conquest, like right now, he can’t cry, especially not in front of people. That’s for people who are allowed to experience the full range of human emotions, not for him. He learned that lesson a long time ago.

Flashes of the past start coming back to him, memories that he’s worked hard to forget. Memories that will never truly leave him. Himself as a small child, crying because he skinned his knee. His parents scolding him for crying, telling him that this pain is nothing and he’s only acting out for attention. The day his first pet, a tiny hamster, died. How he was so sad, having been exposed to death at such a young age. How his parents locked the door to his room and wouldn’t let him out until he would stop crying.

Crying is something he can only do when he’s alone. Only in the safety of darkness, of solitude, and when he can be absolutely sure that no one will ever see or hear him.

But he’s crying now. He’s crying in front of Jun, and he can’t stop.

Jun-kun’s going to leave me, is all Hiyori can think. Jun-kun’s going to leave me.

“I’m not going to leave you,” Jun whispers in his ear. “I’m right here, I’m not going anywhere.”

He has to calm down. There’s just no other option. He looks up at Jun, lifting his head up from where it rests on Jun’s chest and meeting his eyes.

“I can calm down,” he insists, desperately wiping the tears off his face. “I promise I can.”

“That’s right, you can,” Jun agrees. “Breathe with me, okay? Just like we used to.”

Jun starts modeling breaths, breathing deeply, and Hiyori copies him dutifully, evening out his breaths slowly but surely. Just like they used to, when Hiyori woke up every night from a nightmare, when his breaths came too quickly and Jun was the only one who could slow them down in the middle of the night. They'd hardly even known each other yet, at that point, well over a year ago. But still, Jun had woken up every time Hiyori shook his shoulders and gasped out his name, and they’d sit in the same bed together until Hiyori could finally breathe, and then Jun would take his pillow from his bed and move it to Hiyori’s and lie there with him for the rest of the night.

He stares at Jun while they breathe and even now, even still, Jun is looking at him with a kind expression on his face, kinder than he deserves for the embarrassing show he’s putting on. But bit by bit, he starts calming down, and it’s because of Jun that he’s calming down, not because of anything he’s doing. He knows that if he was alone right now he would be far more of a mess, that he would be contemplating doing something terrible, that he would have been inconsolable if he’d woken up from that nightmare and Jun hadn’t been right there.

When he feels normal enough, Hiyori averts his gaze and releases Jun, backing up and hoping without much actual hope that he didn’t come across as too clingy in his little meltdown. “I’m okay now,” he says, leaning back. “Sorry I did that in front of you.”

“It’s okay,” Jun says. “Do you feel better?”

Hiyori draws his legs up to his chest and rests his cheek on a knee. “I guess so.”

Jun lifts a hand, almost as if to reach out to Hiyori, but the hand falters and comes to rest back in his lap. “Alright, talk to me.”

“There’s nothing to talk about,” Hiyori says, avoiding eye contact. “It was just a nightmare.”

“Ohiisan, you haven’t had a nightmare in almost a year.”

“Actually, I had one last night too,” Hiyori says, as casually as he can. tracing little shapes into Jun’s comforter.

“What?” Jun says. “Why didn’t you wake me up?”

Hiyori sighs. “I didn’t want to bother you,” he mumbles. “Besides, it wasn’t as bad as this one.”

“But still, I could’ve helped, right? Wasn’t the point of you staying over so I could, like, help with stuff like that?”

“You did,” Hiyori says, glancing up at Jun. Jun’s staring at him with an unreadable expression on his face, and Hiyori has to fight the urge to look away again.

“I didn’t, though, I was asleep?”

Confusion. That must be the expression on his face. And he’s right, it doesn’t make sense. Jun wasn't conscious, so how could he have helped? And yet, he did, and that’s something that Hiyori doesn’t really know how to articulate.

“You did,” he says, trying anyway. “Just… just being near you was enough.”

“Oh,” Jun says. Hiyori could swear his cheeks are the slightest shade of pink. “Really?”

Hiyori nods. “Yeah. You were… holding me. And I felt safe, because you were holding me. I know it’s silly, but… it was enough.”

“You can sit closer,” Jun says. “If you want to.”

Hiyori shakes his head. “I can’t keep being clingy.”

“You can if that’ll help you feel better again.” Jun cautiously reaches out a hand to Hiyori. “I—I care about you, Ohiisan.”

“Okay,” Hiyori says, and he takes Jun’s hand and shifts so his legs are pressed up against Jun’s and they’re facing each other.

Jun rubs his thumb across the back of Hiyori’s hand. “Tell me about the dream?”

Hiyori shrinks down a little. “Lots of stuff from the past,” he says. He averts his gaze. “And you were there, too, but then you left me, and you wouldn’t come back. And then I woke up and I couldn’t find you. It—it scared me a lot, Jun-kun. I thought I’d lost you.”

Jun squeezes Hiyori’s hand. “I’m sorry you dreamt that,” he says. “It must’ve been really scary.”

Hiyori nods, still not looking at Jun. “I’d be fine if it was just the past. I can deal with that. I’m used to it by now. But—it was you leaving me that scared me the most. And it was all my fault. I don’t know what I would do if you were gone, I really don’t.”

Jun hesitates, then opens his mouth again. “I won’t ever leave you, though. I promise.”

Hiyori’s breath catches. “You don’t know that,” he says softly.

“I do,” Jun says, and his voice is strong. He sounds so sure of himself. “I don’t ever want to leave you.”

A heady and dangerous mix of raw emotions is surging within Hiyori, strong enough that he almost thinks he might start crying again.

“I would be sad if you left me,” Hiyori whispers. “But I would understand. I would never blame you.”

And somehow, while they’ve been talking, they’ve been migrating closer and closer to each other, and Hiyori is practically sitting in Jun’s lap now. He glances down and realizes with a start that he’s way too close to Jun, that there’s only so close he can get despite needing this intimacy so desperately. He moves to back up, but Jun grabs him by the arm and holds him where he is.

“Ohiisan, can I do something stupid?” Jun asks softly, inches away from Hiyori’s face.

Hiyori smiles a little. “You’ve never needed my permission to be dumb before.”

Jun doesn’t laugh. What he does do is take a deep breath, screw his eyes shut, and lean forward.

And then he kisses Hiyori.

Hiyori could swear his heart stops as soon as Jun’s lips touch his. His eyes are stuck open, and he sees the most delicate blush splashed across Jun’s cheeks. Jun’s eyes slide open, and he makes eye contact with Hiyori. He pulls back, and he opens his mouth to say something, probably something even stupider than what he just did, but Hiyori prevents him from doing so by throwing his arms over Jun’s shoulders and kissing him again.

As he kisses Jun, as Jun puts his arms around Hiyori’s waist and pulls him closer, it’s as if something slides back into place in Hiyori’s heart. He feels lighter than a feather, he feels invincible, he feels like everything is finally right in the world again.

Far too soon, in Hiyori’s eyes, Jun breaks the kiss. “I take it that wasn’t stupid?” he asks, still only an inch from Hiyori’s face.

Hiyori laughs. “That was the smartest thing you’ve ever done, Jun-kun.”

Jun huffs out a little laugh of his own and rests their foreheads together. “I needed you to understand how I’m so sure that I won’t ever want to leave you. This seemed like the easiest way to do that.”

“Indulge me,” Hiyori breathes, taking Jun’s face in his hands. “Spell it out for me, Jun-kun.”

“I’m in love with you,” Jun replies easily, his full attention on Hiyori. “I won’t leave you because I love you. I want to date you. I want to be your boyfriend. And I want to be by your side for as long as you’ll let me.”

Hiyori closes his eyes, drinking in the warm feeling Jun’s words are giving him. He leans forward and kisses Jun again, then drops his head down on Jun’s shoulder and holds him tightly. “You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting to hear you say that.”

“Don’t tell me you’ve known how I felt this entire time and you didn’t say anything,” Jun says.

Hiyori looks back up at Jun. “I knew that I loved you. I’ve been waiting for you to feel the same.”

“How long?” Jun asks softly.

It’s embarrassing to say it out loud, isn’t it? But he wants Jun to know. “Since the first time I saw you, I think,” he confesses. “But I didn’t realize it until we lived together, when you started to help me with my nightmares.”

Jun laughs a little. “If you’ve known for so long, why didn’t you say anything sooner?”

“I had to wait,” Hiyori says, dead serious. “I had to wait for you to make the first move, so I could know for sure that you actually wanted this.”

“I’m kind of surprised you didn’t just tell me to kiss you and get it over with,” Jun says.

Hiyori shakes his head. “Loving me is the one thing I could never make you do.”

Jun takes hold of Hiyori’s chin, holding him in eye contact. “It’s a good thing I’m choosing to love you, then, isn’t it?”

That makes Hiyori’s cheeks go warm, and he leans forward to kiss Jun again. With every press of their lips, his heart fills up the tiniest bit, and the pain of the last day gets easier to bear.

“You’re funny,” Jun says when they break apart.

Hiyori finally has it in him to pout a little bit, so he sticks out his bottom lip. “Funny how? I haven’t told any jokes.”

“Not you, I guess, more like your thought process,” Jun corrects. He brushes a thumb across Hiyori’s lower lip, and the small pout disappears as quickly as it came on. “It’s just funny how you were so sure that you couldn’t ever make the first move in case you pressured me to feel the same, but you still were certain I would eventually love you too.”

“Well, of course you would fall in love with me eventually,” Hiyori says. “How could you not? I’m Hiyori Tomoe, after all. Everyone loves me. And I’ve been so gracious to give you so much of my affection, so it was only a matter of time. Especially—especially before, when you didn’t know all of this stuff about fine.” He stops himself, giving a sad smile. “I was perfect, wasn’t I?”

“I don’t want perfection from you,” Jun says. “I want the real Ohiisan. You don’t always have to be happy around me. I want you to be able to lean on me when you’re having a tough time. I fell in love with all of you, not just the parts you show off to the rest of the world.”

How is Hiyori supposed to respond to that? Jun’s honest. Too honest, sometimes. He doesn’t lie. So what he’s saying has to be true, but that seems too good, too much to just believe. That Jun could love him is one thing. That Jun could love him, despite—or rather, because—of all of the things he can’t let most people know? An entirely different, nearly inconceivable thing. He doesn’t know what to say.

“Jun-kun,” he manages to choke out. “Jun-kun, I—”

“It’s okay,” Jun says. “I know today has been hard for you. You don’t need to force yourself right now.”

Hiyori nods. “Thank you,” he whispers. “For everything.”

“Always, for you,” Jun promises.

Hiyori’s head drops down, coming to rest on Jun’s shoulder. He is happy, of course; everything that’s happened since Jun kissed him has been better than he could’ve ever hoped for. But he’s still exhausted from the day. Jun’s presence makes it possible to muster up eye contact, and to maintain his upright position, but just barely. Jun seems to sense his exhaustion, and he gently guides Hiyori backwards so he’s lying down again, then lies down next to him and presses a soft kiss to his forehead.

“I really do love you, you know,” Hiyori says, burrowing into the warmth of Jun’s embrace. “One of these days, I’ll tell you everything.”

Jun works a gentle hand into Hiyori’s hair and cards through it, working on the knots that accumulated through the day. “Not today.”

“Not today,” Hiyori agrees. “It’s… too much, right now. It still hurts too much to think about.” He trails off, not sure if he should say his next thought or not. But Jun lets the silence sit, allowing Hiyori to keep talking if he wants to, so he tries. “I think—I think I’m scared that if you find out the details you’ll hate me.”

“I wouldn’t hate you because of something that happened before I met you, Ohiisan. You don’t have to worry about that.”

Hiyori’s eyes fall shut and he shakes his head, trying to rid himself of the memories that are trying to suffocate him. “It was so bad,” he murmurs. “I was so awful. I did such awful things.”

“It’s okay,” Jun says, and he says it with such conviction that Hiyori can’t help but open his eyes and watch as Jun continues to speak. “That was the past. You’ve changed since then, I know you have. I’ve watched you grow and change into a better person than the one you were when I met you. You don’t have to let who you used to be haunt you like this.”

“You’re trying to make me cry again,” Hiyori says, breathing out a little laugh as tears well up in his eyes. “It won’t work, you know.”

Jun smiles at him. “You can cry if you want to. I won’t think any less of you. I think that’s been made pretty clear by now.”

Hiyori doesn’t start crying again. He allows silence to fall, basking in the calm that Jun gives him. Little by little, he starts to feel the promise of sleep taking hold. He yawns, and Jun kisses his forehead again. 

“No bad dreams this time,” Jun says softly.

Hiyori shakes his head. “None. Not now that I know you’ll stay with me.”

Hiyori wants to kiss Jun again, so he does. He leans in to close the distance, and Jun’s lips are just as soft and warm as they were before. Jun kisses back without hesitation, but makes sure the kiss stays gentle and easy.

“I’m glad I found you,” Hiyori whispers when he pulls back, tracing over Jun’s cheekbones. “I don’t know what I would’ve done without you.”

“I should be the one saying that,” Jun says, leaning into Hiyori’s delicate touches. “You saved me from the hell I was living in.”

Hiyori smiles. “We saved each other, then.”

Jun kisses Hiyori one more time, then practically shuts his eyes for him, instructing him to go to sleep and promising not to move until he wakes up again. 

Time starts to get murky as they lie there, and Hiyori doesn’t know how long it’s been since one of them has spoken. He’s slowly but surely drifting off, safe and content in Jun’s arms. A thought meanders into his brain, and he speaks it without thinking.

“It was all worth it,” he says softly.

“What was?” Jun asks, just as hushed.

“Everything,” Hiyori says. He smiles a little, just barely awake. “Ex-fine, the war, transferring schools, every bad thing that happened that’s led me to this point. I would take all of that all over again as long as it meant you would hold me in your arms like this.”

Jun brushes the hair off Hiyori’s forehead and presses a gentle kiss there. “You’re too sentimental for your own good, Ohiisan.”

Hiyori yawns, then wriggles further into Jun’s embrace. “Maybe,” he whispers against Jun’s shoulder. “But it’s true. You’re worth everything to me.”