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Andrew was hiding in the closet. The irony wasn’t lost on him. He was thirteen years old and ultra aware of train wreck that was his sexuality.
The man, well one of them, responsible for his fear over his identity should be on his way home from wrestling practice. He would be home soon and Andrew wanted to avoid seeing him as long as possible.
So he was in the closet in his foster parents’ room. Cass wouldn’t mind if she found him in there and Richard would assume this was some weird foster kid thing. He had told Andrew that he didn’t always understand everything a foster kid would do, but as long as it didn’t hurt anyone he didn’t care.
Drake didn’t go in his parent’s room so Andrew was hoping he wouldn’t look for him there. It should be a safe enough spot.
Andrew was curled on the floor, using a winter coat as a blanket. The closet should’ve been warm but Andrew was freezing. Plus it gave him a place to hide.
There was a squeak from the front door and Andrew froze. His heart thundered in his chest but his body remained as still as a statue.
“AJ?” Drake called, his voice causing bile to raise in Andrew’s throat. Oh how he loathed him and that nickname. “Come on AJ. Where are you? You weren’t waiting outside the gym after school. Missed you.”
Andrew rolled his eyes. He hasn’t gotten a ride home with Drake for months now. He had taken to walking home as soon as possible. Sometimes he even left his last class early to avoid him.
He hid his face into the coat’s fur. Maybe he was a coward but he wanted to disappear. He didn’t want to be here anymore. Not without Cass. If Cass would get home already everything would be okay.
“AJ!” Drake yelled, his false patience running out. “I saw your backpack! I know you’re here. Come on little doe, come on out.”
He shuddered. He didn’t care when people called him Doe most of the time. It was his last name, since his cunt of a bio mom didn’t bother to give him
One, but the way Drake called him that made his skin crawl.
He heard his foster brother’s frustrated sigh and then the slam of a door. If Andrew had to guess he was in the bathroom. That was in the same hallway as their parents’ room but it was on the opposite end.
Andrew let out fast little breaths. It was a struggle to stay silent but he was a master at it by now. His survival had depended on it more than once.
He stayed in the closet for a while, probably twenty minutes, before he heard the bathroom door slam open again. Drake was still in a mood.
He pushed himself further into the closet, thankfully not making a sound, and felt the cool wall against his back. When he got himself as comfortable as possible he fixed the coat.
It was feeble protection but better than nothing. It smelled like Cass’ perfume and it calmed him just a little.
Cass was his first foster mother in a while that he genuinely felt cared about him. He remembered one from when he was five. She had been a sweet lady but he was only with her for two weeks.
He had been with Cass Spear for months now. And she had taken an interest in his life! She had asked for details but didn’t push when he only offered the bare minimum.
She didn’t take more than he could offer, and for that alone Andrew was grateful. She also knew he was interested in music, listening not playing, and that he liked horror movies because it distracted him from real life.
For Cass, and Cass only, Andrew tolerated this foster home. He knew he could be moved if he pushed his social worker enough. But he was so tired. Tired of moving, tired of having to fight to survive.
He just wanted a home. And Cass was the closest thing he could have to home.
Too caught up in his thoughts, Andrew didn’t hear the quiet creak of the bedroom door opening.
Heavy footsteps alerted him to a presence in the bedroom, and he prayed to a god he knew didn’t exist that it was just Richard coming home early.
Just his luck, it wasn’t Richard. The closet door ripped open and Andrew’s eyes widened in fear as his foster brother shook his head.
“Oh AJ.” He sounded almost disappointed. He was grinning ear to ear though. It reminded Andrew of a shark’s smile. Though a shark would be kinder.
Andrew tempted to make himself smaller. He hoped if he made himself little that Drake would get bored. Though he knew just how well that didn’t work.
Hands gripped him by his arms and yanked him up. Andrew’s face scrunched up in an attempt to not yelp.
“Now little doe, you know better.” Drake laughed, shaking Andrew before throwing him on the ground. “Run.”
Andrew did. It wouldn’t help in the long run but at least he could tell himself he tried. He ran as fast as he could, not sure where he was heading.
He raced down the stairs, tripping as he missed a step. He yelped as his arm hit hard into the wood. He heard Drake laugh as there was a loud snap.
This didn’t slow Andrew down, the pain was annoying but he had already been through so much that he ignored it to run.
The kitchen was the closest room and he raced into it. Andrew looked around for something, anything to help. He could try and grab the home phone but that would take too long.
Instead he went for the knife block, grabbing one and hiding it as he heard those heavy damning footsteps again.
“That was quite the show, AJ.” His foster brother mocked. “But it’s time for the show to end.You’re mine, forever.”
He reached for Andrew but wasn’t expecting Andrew to attack. He shoved into him with his shoulder, desperate for it to be enough but cursed with it not.
Andrew didn’t have another choice but to pull the knife out and lash out with it. He caught Drake’s arm and he laughed.
“My little doe has some bite. Maybe you’re not a Doe after all but a wolf.” He shook his head, checking his arm while Andrew forced himself to swallow the bile threatening to escape. “Okay little wolf. Fight, show me what you got.”
He tried, he really did. But Drake was so much taller and stronger. He had wrestling and rotc on his side, while all Andrew had was the need to survive. And that was dwindling as the pain in his arm grew stronger.
He threw a punch at Drake and tried to stab with his knife again. But Drake grabbed it and threw it away from him in seconds.
“Come on now little wolf fight! You wanna be a man? Fight. Try it. Don’t be a coward.” Drake roared as he kicked Andrew down. Then again.
Tears streamed down his face as he failed to get up. Drake’s foot just came back before he could roll away.
Pain and agony weren’t new to Andrew. He had survived thirteen years with it, but he was so tired. And it was becoming overwhelming. The fight started to burn away.
He almost said that word he swore to never say again. But he couldn’t bring it to leave his lips. He wouldn’t beg, he wouldn’t give his abuser the satisfaction.
“No more fight huh? That’s a shame. Well I guess I’ll take this any-“ Drake’s words were cut off by the front door opening.
“Boys I’m home!” Cass’ angelic voice came in just in time.
Drake scrambled away from Andrew and hid the knife. It only took seconds before he put the kind older brother facade back on.
“Mom! Come quick, AJ fell down the stairs. I think his arm is broken.” He genuinely sounded concern.
Andrew knew better but didn’t say anything as Cass came running to him. Her face was scrunched in worry and her eyes got teary.
“Oh baby what happened?” Cass helped him sit up, not questioning why he had been on the floor to begin with.
“Tripped.” He muttered, hating that it wasn’t a lie. He didn’t fight her when she pulled him into her arms and rocked him a bit.
He melted into her touch after a few seconds. He needed her to think he was fine with it, though the feeling of being held wasn’t even close to being relaxing like she thought it was. The fact she had tried was what made Andrew sigh in relief.
“It’ll be alright Andrew, dear. Gonna get you to the hospital alright?” Cass gently moved so she could stand up, then helped him to his feet. He felt sick. “Drake hun, call your father and let him know what happened.”
“Alright mom. Take care of AJ!” He put extra concern in his voice. “I’ll have dad bring dinner home.”
Cass must’ve nodded but Andrew didn’t notice. He was too busy losing the battle with his stomach when his arm hit the door in his rush out.
~~~
He spent a long time at the hospital. X-rays felt like they took longer than they did, and because he told the doctor he fell down the stairs she wanted to check for more injuries.
Which led to an awkward conversation at the boot sized bruises on his torso and legs. The director didn’t buy when he said it was from the fall.
He sighed and looked at the floor, thinking of what to say. He felt Cass’ eyes on him and he knew he had to admit something happened.
“Got in a fight. Didn’t want to disappoint you,” he told Cass. “It was after school.”
It wasn’t exactly a lie but it was no where near the truth. He ignored the doctor’s frown and focused on his foster mother’s worried expression.
“Andrew, baby, you know you can tell me anything. I promise I won’t be disappointed.”
He nodded. He couldn’t tell her anything but she didn’t need to know that. It would just upset her. And the possibility of her not believing him was too much.
The possibility of her believing him and not caring was even worse.
“I didn’t start it.” He admitted. “I swear I didn’t. I was heading up to my room so I could rest afterwards when I tripped. Didn’t think my arm was broken until I went into the kitchen.”
He was glad they didn’t question him further. Instead the doctor started to wrap his arm and asked him to pick a color for his cast.
After about thirty minutes it was done and he had a black cast on. Cass had asked if he wanted a different color so someone could sign it but he had shook his head.
She smiled fondly and called him her little shy guy. He rolled his eyes but was amused by her expression.
The doctor gave him some pain medicine and was telling him how he was gonna shower and how he needed to be careful. He was also given a sling to help.
He was finally discharged and it was after their usual dinner time. Cass had called Richard to update him and Andrew was exhausted.
“Hey baby, do you want to get something to eat?” Cass asked as she pulled out of the parking lot. “We can go anywhere you want?”
Andrew was surprised. They’d didn’t usually eat out of it’s just two of them. Typically eat outs were a whole family ordeal.
He looked at her with a curious expression. She looked over and smiled at him and he felt warm and safe. She was his safe place and he was grateful for her.
“Think you earned a treat. We can even get dessert.” She said and laughed at the way he perked up.
“Can we go to Shakewell?” It was a bar but the food was incredible.
She nodded, she enjoyed their food as well, and quickly headed that direction.
~~~
After dinner they went to an ice-cream shop on the beach. It was Andrew’s favorite though they rarely went there because Drake disliked it.
Andrew got a double scoop of the brownie ice cream flavor and Cass got pistachio. They decided to eat on the beach, despite the fact they couldn’t get in the water.
“I know it’s hard for you to tell me things.” Cass said in a quiet voice. “But I will listen. I will, I promise Andrew. I just want you to be able to tell me things.”
He nodded. He didn’t know how to respond verbally. He wasn’t very good at it. It had been a miracle he came up with a lie in the doctor’s office.
“You don’t have to say anything now.” She assured him, knowing he had trouble with these things. “We have all the time in the world.”
But they didn’t. Not yet. Andrew would try and hold off a little longer but he knew he had to do something soon to get away.
He forever but maybe until his foster brother entered the military. Once the house was safe for him again he would go back. He would have his life with Cass and Richard and finally be allowed to sleep peacefully.
Maybe he would be able to meet his brother. His twin had tried to reach out but Andrew had to deny him. Maybe he wouldn’t have to deny him anymore.
Things could be good, he knew that. He had the hope for it. It would all work out and he would have his mom and his twin and never have to be powerless again.
He was heading to juvie soon. But not that night, he thought as he got Cass talking about a movie they had watched recently. Tonight was just peace.