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“What do you think would happen if they tried to paddle us?”
I glanced at my brother with a look of derision that I knew he would take in jest. Emmett reached out towards me, but I ducked away and scrambled up a tree before he could.
“I think you know what would happen,” I said, aiming a pinecone for his head.
Even our strength couldn’t quite make something so fragile fast enough that he couldn’t dodge, and he stepped aside with a booming laugh.
“I have an idea, that’s not the same as knowing,” he continued, swinging up into another tree facing mine. “I want a project.”
He’d long figured out the best design for our baseball games, and given up on many other sports. It was hard to make the equipment both useable and strong enough to withstand the forces involved in vampires playing with them. It made sense he wanted something else to put his mind to, although I wouldn’t have expected this topic in particular.
“Why aren’t you roping Jazz into this?” I asked, eyes narrowing a little. I loved my brothers, but they were the masterminds of these types of things, not me.
Emmett rolled his eyes. “I can’t just want to spend time with my baby brother?”
“I am older than you by more than a decade,” I growled playfully, crouching down on a particularly sturdy branch.
“In years, but not in spirit,” Emmett teased, seeing my posture and grinning. “Compared to me, you’re just an itty, bitty baby.”
“I’ll show you a baby,” I said, grin wide as I leapt across the space between us to tackle him to the forest floor.
By the time we returned home, him covered in leaves, mud, moss and with a few twigs caught in his curls and me a mere grass stain on one of my elbows, I’d moved on from his initial comment. Esme took one look at the pair of us, threw her hands in the air, and a second later a wet sponge nailed Emmett in the side of the head.
“Dibs on having Esme as pitcher next time we play,” he called, grabbing it before it could hit the ground.
“Absolutely not, sweetheart,” Esme said, leaning out of the kitchen window with a knowing smile. “Someone needs to keep an eye on the rest of you.”
“We’ll get you playing one day,” Emmett vowed, scrubbing at his skin with the sponge.
“And take those boots off before you come in, the floors have just been cleaned,” she added before ducking back inside, shooting me a glance as well and I held my hands up in acquiescence.
I didn’t think about Emmett’s comment again until a few days later. We were sat at what had become our usual table in the cafeteria, just the two of us. Rosalie had chosen to go straight to college, and Jasper didn’t feel ready to join our ruse. Alice had elected to do a correspondence course with him so they could have their eventual first days together. Which meant the Cullen clan were a pair of brothers this go around.
No matter how much I loathed it, I’d go through the charade longer than the rest of them for the sake of letting us stay longer. It meant Emmett had started in his senior year while I was posing as a sophomore. He could have jumped straight to college with Rose, but he’d refused to let me suffer alone the entire time. The move had made me once more appreciate my luck in gaining a brother like him. I didn’t relish losing him for the last two years, but it was a small sacrifice to make in the grand scheme of things. And Alice and Jasper may well join me in that time.
I wouldn’t hold my breath for that, though.
“Reckon we could steal it?” Emmett murmured, too low for any of the humans around us to hear him.
“Steal what?” I asked, not looking up from tearing apart the bread roll I’d picked up.
“The paddle,” he said, and I shot him a look.
“Are you really still on that?” I said, grimacing. “We both know exactly what would happen — it would splinter into pieces and quite possibly also break the arm of whatever poor human was wielding it.”
“I’m not suggesting a human wield it,” he said, a grin spreading across his face. A few of the boys nearby leaned away instinctively.
“Emmett, please,” I said, turning to face him a little better. “Let it go. Are you really that bored?”
“Yes,” he answered instantly, giving me a pitiful look. I’m trying to offer you some entertainment here. Give me something to work with.
“And when the damn thing shatters into tiny splinters and you can’t return it?” I pushed, not quite sure why I was still indulging him.
He shrugged. “How hard could it be to get a replacement?”
I ran a hand over my face. “And when they notice the replacement and Carlisle catches wind of it?”
Carlisle forgave us many, many things. Too many, probably. He’d always rather use a soft touch than a firm hand, but I’d learned fairly quickly into this new existence that there were limits with even his patience. And wanton destruction of property definitely fell within that framework. I hadn’t felt my father’s ire in a few years — there were only so many ways a group of vampires could truly get into trouble — but I still was in no hurry to repeat the experience.
“Aw, c’mon, kid,” Emmett whined, even as his own thoughts drifted to the possible consequences. “Live a little.”
“Neither of us is capable of that,” I said, voice deadpan, and he let his head thunk down onto his folded arms.
I should have known better than to expect Emmett to let an idea go once he had it in his mind. Even if it was far beneath even his usual idea of fun — he could play the clown, but anyone who played him at chess would quickly learn not to underestimate him — he could be like a dog with a bone once something struck him.
It’s not going to end well, Alice warned when I walked in that afternoon.
“I already told him that,” I replied, sitting down beside her on the couch. Even in the safety of our own home, I couldn’t seem to shake the human act.
You’re not going to just leave him to get in trouble alone, are you? she asked, a worried pinch between her brows.
“Do you see me leaving him alone?” I asked, a little curious.
“You know I can’t see when you haven’t decided,” she said, folding her arms over her chest. But you’ve been indecisive all afternoon. It doesn’t seem to change the outcome much.
She showed me and I winced. Yes, there were very few possibilities where we didn’t end up regretting Emmett’s actions. But then another idea struck me.
“Does Jasper know? About how Carlisle…?”
They had been with us a few years now, but other than the escape from Maria, it had been quiet. He didn’t tell us much about his time before meeting Alice, but he didn’t have to with me. It was yet another element of my gift that made me feel like a pariah. I couldn’t give any of them any privacy. As long as I was around, any secret they thought of would be shared with me.
Alice pulled a face. He asked, and I tried to explain but he didn’t believe me.
Why would he? To go from one coven where a punishment was death if you were lucky, repeated dismemberment and then death if you were unlucky, to a family where misbehaviour was treated so… childishly. It would sound unbelievable.
I could feel a plan of my own brewing and Alice’s eyes went vacant as I saw my fate firming up in her mind. I winced at little at the idea, but it didn’t weaken or fade. And I also saw Jasper offering Carlisle a shy smile, standing closer than he normally would.
You don’t have to, she said, looking up into my eyes.
“I’m tired of him tiptoeing around Carlisle,” I murmured. “Maybe this is a chance to show him there’s nothing to be afraid of.”
*****
It was a few days later when Emmett and I were stood in Carlisle’s office. Usually, he did his best to make us feel like equals, no matter that he was the eldest of us all. Our creator. Our leader, even if he didn’t like the title. But it was moments like this that he felt like our father. A disappointed father, arms folded over his chest as he leant back on the desk, looking between the two of us.
“Dare I even ask what the plan was?”
He looked between the two of us, and what I could see in his mind wasn’t flattering. Emmett and I, heads bowed, looking just like chastised children. Although it would be worse soon.
“We—” Emmett started, then glanced at me and swallowed. “I wanted to experiment.”
“I went along with it,” I offered, not willing to let him completely drop himself in the deep end.
“And neither of you could have guessed that swinging a plank of wood at each other might result in damage to the wood rather than yourselves?” Carlisle asked, looking between us. “Not that I’m not glad you’re unhurt, but what were you going to do when the school went looking for their paddle and found sawdust instead?”
Even his memory of the, yes, ridiculous, position he’d found us in made me wince internally. I’d told Emmett my plan, and he’d been willing to go along with it. Rose was still at her college classes at this time, and Esme, Alice and Jasper had gone hunting to give us some privacy. Jasper’s thoughts had been racing, panic edging out into the rest of us until he was out of range. Hopefully coming home to find us a bit sore, but unharmed, would settle his mind somewhat.
It didn’t help our actual nerves in the moment, however.
“We were planning to get a replacement,” I murmured.
As if they wouldn’t notice the difference? he asked, turning his sharp gaze on me before sighing.
“There are many things we can’t avoid doing in order to eke out a life for ourselves,” he said. “We have to lie each day, we use our abilities to make things easier and safer, and, yes, we have all slipped in other, much more harmful ways.”
It almost hurt more that he included himself in that statement.
“What we should not do is commit wrongs without good reason,” he continued, pushing off his desk to stand fully before us. “You not only stole something, you also destroyed it for absolutely no reason. Accidents happen — I think all three of us know how difficult it can be to recognise our own strength.”
Each mind in the room, including mine, went back to a different moment of Emmett’s newborn period and the sheer amount of damage he managed to do without meaning it. Carlisle hadn’t begrudged him a single one, knowing it was out of his hands, and he’d learn to control himself in time. Which had been good news for our subsequent homes.
“I would hope neither of you would try and convince me this was an accident?” he said, looking at each of us in turn.
“No,” Emmett said softly.
“No, sir,” I agreed, as always reverting to what I had once called my human father whenever I had been in trouble, on the rare occasions he had bothered to deal with me himself.
Carlisle’s thoughts softened, and he reminded me — as he always did — that I didn’t need to call him that. I shrugged, acknowledging the permission but also putting it aside. It had been a habit for decades now, much longer than I’d ever done it with Edward Masen Sr. It just felt… right for the moment.
“Emmett,” he said, and my heart sank a little. “Go to the corner while I deal with your brother.”
Good luck, Emmett said silently as he made his way over to the blank spot where two of the walls connected.
I knew it wasn’t so much punishment for him, but to offer privacy to me. Carlisle had never once punished us in view of the others. We couldn’t help hearing unless we were quite far apart, but at least we didn’t have to look, or be looked at in such an embarrassing predicament. Even if I knew that shortly my worry wouldn’t be focused on the embarrassment.
Edward. My name was gentle in his mind, as was his expression when I looked up at his face. There was disapproval there, some disappointment, but mostly just concern. This type of behaviour isn’t normally like you. Do I need to be worried?
I shook my head, and he looked at me for a moment before letting it drop for the time being.
I almost groaned aloud when he sat on the couch that was off to one side in his office. Despite never having been offered the change, I always hoped he’d choose to have us just lean over his desk or bend over. Instead, he would just take us over his knee like a naughty child.
The fact that it was technically my fault that he’d landed on this particular form of chastisement never passed me by. If I hadn’t been so stubborn when I was still new, he might never have even thought about it. But I had been, and he did, and here we were. At the time, it wasn’t like he could ground me, and he’d needed something immediate. And with how secluded we have to be, and our need to hunt, he couldn’t exactly employ grounding now either. Standing in a corner was no matter really, we didn’t eat to take away a meal or dessert. An early bedtime was impossible for beings that never slept. When time stretched out into infinity before us, taking something away for a period just… didn’t feel like much at all.
So, this was what he’d settled on. Much to my and my siblings’ dismay.
Come here, son.
I walked over at human speed, something he didn’t chastise me for at least. The term did help settle my stomach a little as I came to a stop in front of him, trying not to turn into a complete statue. While humans would fidget, our nature led to stillness. As a human, I might have tapped my foot or twitched my hand. Now, I just tried to remember to breathe.
It’s alright to be nervous, he said, tilting his head slightly to one side.
“I know,” I murmured.
I don’t think I need to tell you that I’m disappointed? He raised an eyebrow, and I shook my head. It was small, silly. I don’t enjoy punishing you over something so inconsequential, but I will when it breaks the rules. Is that clear?
I nodded, swallowing.
Alright then, he said, looking tired, despite the impossibility of it.
Feeling vaguely mortified, I undid my belt and the button on my jeans and bent over his knee before he could ask me to. He just rested a hand on my back as I got settled, hands and toes on the floor.
Unlike humans, time didn’t soften our memories, and every time I’d ended up in this position flashed clearly through my mind. If I had the ability to blush, I knew I would have been bright red, especially with my ability to not only remember my own perspective of the ordeal, but Carlisle’s as well. He was well trained in blocking me by now, but I still caught flashes and a shudder ran down my spine.
I’m sorry, Carlisle soothed, rubbing a hand over my back. I do try not to think of it.
I huffed but settled. Although the tension returned when he took down my clothes to expose my backside. I couldn’t help a low groan in response, and he just shushed me softly. If I had felt something like a naughty child before, now I definitely did.
He could never use an implement on us — either it would break, like the splinted paddle currently covering the floor of the garage, or we wouldn’t feel it. One of the only things that could make a vampire feel pain was the strength of another vampire. And since our skin felt to each other like normal, soft flesh, that meant his hand was more than enough to do the job. As for lowering our clothes… that was also my own fault. It had been humbling in that first go around, and he’d found it quite effective and chose to keep it up.
I hissed at the first swat, unannounced as always, and curled my hands into fists. For a man of such peace, Carlisle really did have quite some strength in his arm and he wasn’t afraid to use it.
I did my best now to hold still, trying to show my willingness to submit to his punishment. But it was difficult when it hurt. By the time he’d changed me, I hadn’t received physical chastisement in three years, and hadn’t been over someone’s knee since I was ten. I had thought myself grown up, far beyond needing such a thing. But within two years of being with Carlisle — although I barely counted the first, with the ravages of being a newborn vampire — I had found myself summarily tossed over his lap, and his hand cracking down on my backside for what he had called ‘an attitude adjustment’. If someone had suggested it would have even made me wince before that moment, I’d have laughed in their face. After the flames of the transformation, a little spanking was meant to have an effect?
Carlisle soon put that assumption to bed.
Relax, Edward, he said, still lighting a fire across my behind.
I tried my best, but it was a lost cause. I ended up with a leg hovering off the floor, trying my best to keep from kicking and my teeth grit tight.
“Gah!”
I couldn’t help the sound when he tipped me forward slightly by lifting his right knee. I silently cursed whoever taught him that trick, since he’d been using it from the start, and it meant the more sensitive area, where I’d be sitting should I choose to do so, was more easily accessed.
“I’m sorry!” I cried, the words spilling out without my permission as his hand came down right on the area he’d just made vulnerable. “Carlisle, please!”
He rubbed my back briefly, but didn’t stop. Letting my head hang, I finally allowed myself to react. The wall had been broken, and I knew he wouldn’t begrudge me the whines, hisses and occasional pleading. Tears wouldn’t come, but my shoulders could still shake and my throat could still tighten, until my body did its best impression of crying.
His thoughts were comforting, as they always were, and I clung to them until I just let go completely. I knew that that was the point he would stop — a fact that Emmett had once tried to use to his advantage, pretending to cry and give in, hoping Carlisle would stop early.
He only tried the once, though.
Carlisle did stop, his left hand continuing to rub soothing circles around my back.
“Alright,” he murmured after a few moments of just loving, wordless comfort, helping me get my clothes back into place. It’s over, son, you’re forgiven.
There would be no physical sign of my punishment, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t feel it just fine. And when I stood, I still reached back to try and rub out some of the sting and burn, even if I knew it was fruitless.
Carlisle stood as well, a gentle smile on his face as he opened his arms for me, and I entered them gratefully. Hooking my chin over his shoulder, it felt perfectly natural to wrap my arms around his waist and feel his around my back and shoulders. We were the same height, but he was of a stronger build than I was, and it just… it made me feel safe. His embrace had always made me feel safe, from the terror of my transformation, to right now.
You know I hate to punish you, he told me, and I huffed out a sigh against his shoulder.
“No one is making you,” I murmured, and his laugh reverberated into my chest.
My children seem to find ways to force my hand, he replied, giving me a tight squeeze before stepping back. Tucking a lock of my hair back amongst the rest, he looked me over. You’ll live.
“I’m mainly glad we have no need of sitting,” I grumbled, but a smile tugged at the corner of my lip when he clapped a hand on my shoulder. I ducked my head again before speaking again though. “I’m sorry, Carlisle. It was stupid.”
He lifted my lowered head with a knuckle and met my eyes.
“It was a silly thing to do,” he agreed. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves, hm? I’m sure you two can find a suitable replacement before Monday. Even if they notice it’s different, they’ll be none the wiser as to why.
He pulled me in close again, and I soaked up his love for a moment.
Now, let’s not leave your brother in anticipation, he said, pulling back and glancing over at Emmett’s still form in the corner.
I felt a phantom heat touch my ears, hazy memories of what it should feel like to have the physical reactions to embarrassment to fill in the blanks. I hadn’t forgotten he was there, listening to the whole thing, I’d just… compartmentalised. Now I focused on it again, I wanted to go live in the ocean for, oh, about twenty years, as I had wished the last time we got in trouble together. At least if we were both getting it, he couldn’t tease me quite so much.
“Edward, switch places with Emmett, please,” Carlisle said, giving the instruction out loud for Emmett’s benefit.
The large shoulders lowered with a sigh and our eyes met as we crossed paths. I offered him a commiserating smile, and he shrugged. His thoughts weren’t happy about the situation, but he wasn’t too worried either. I had often been jealous of his ability to take things in stride.
I took my place in the spot he had just vacated and did my best not to focus on what was going on behind me. My sore backside was at least one thing that could hold my attention for a short while, and I curled my fingers up to keep from rubbing again. Carlisle had no rule against it, it just made me feel even more childish to try and erase some of the pain. It never really worked either.
Instead I shifted from foot to foot, running through a few symphonies in my mind, theorising what adjustments I could make to improve the general arrangement. Then I transposed them into different keys and instruments. Then I figured out the best way to try and play them on my piano, my fingers twitching against imaginary keys on my thighs.
“Edward!”
Emmett’s voice was loud and close, and I spun with a growl rumbling in my throat that I quickly cut off.
Calm down, kid, it’s over, he said, an understanding expression on his face. Thanks for not listening in.
“Believe me, I didn’t want to,” I muttered, but still returned his clap to my shoulder.
“Now, boys,” Carlisle said, a lightness back in his eyes now the whole ordeal was over when we looked over to him. “I don’t want to hear about any more nonsense like this. Is that clear?”
“Absolutely,” Emmett said at the same time I said, “Yes.”
“And you’ll be sourcing a replacement for that paddle you broke,” he continued. “No jokes with that task, Emmett, or I can pencil you in for another appointment with my palm.”
Emmett pretended to be shocked and offended at the insinuation, and it made me break out into a smile.
“Unless you need me for anything, off you go then,” he said. “The others should be back soon. Don’t go too far — Esme will want to see you survived.”
We both groaned, but it was good-natured. No one could deny enjoying being the focus of my mother’s love and attention. Even Rosalie and Jasper at their most prickly couldn’t resist her.
And thinking of our other brother had me raising my brows at Emmett in expectation once we were free from Carlisle’s office.
Your room or mine? he asked, and I pointed downstairs.
“Living room,” I murmured, and he nodded.
Might as well be in public to let him see we were no worse for wear.
I was studying a new music book Alice had picked up for me on her last trip to the nearest city when I heard the faint sound of their thoughts approaching. Turning to Emmett, who also had a book in his hands, standing just as I was, we both sighed and went through with the plan we’d concocted that morning.
He sat down on the sofa, wincing a little even with the soft surface, while I looked mournfully at my piano bench. Reminding myself it was for Jasper’s peace of mind, I sat and started up a few scales to check the tuning, trying to avoid shifting as best I could.
Esme was the first through the door, and I quickly found myself with her arms around my shoulders from behind. I played a little trill in greeting before turning my head to offer her a sheepish smile. She ran a few fingers through my hair, trying to tame it once again, as if it weren’t a fruitless endeavour. I placed one of my hands over hers, giving them a squeeze.
You’re both alright? she asked and I nodded. Good. Serves you right though.
She pressed a kiss to the side of my head even as I grimaced and went over to have a quiet conversation with Emmett.
I could feel the lick of panic radiating towards the house, and I glanced at Esme and Emmett before standing to join our newest siblings outside.
Alice was doing her best to assure Jasper, and I could hear that he was trying to make himself believe it, but it would seem it was a struggle. I came to a stop a little way away from them and waved. Jasper’s head shot up, and he analysed me as I did the same with him. I did my best to seem relaxed, even with the residual ache radiating from my backside. It was hard to try and overcome his worry invading my mind, but I thought of the comfort and safety I’d felt in Carlisle’s arms, even after he’d made me very sorry for our plan.
“Good hunt?” I asked, walking the rest of the way.
“See, Jazz?” Alice said softly, holding one of his hands in both of hers, and ignoring my attempt to be casual. “He’s fine. So is Emmett. They’re different.”
“Very,” I agreed, shoving my hands in my pockets. “I’m quite alright. I promise.”
Jasper’s eyes narrowed as he took in my posture, before he sent a worried glance towards Alice.
“So, he really…” He trailed off, but the images in his head filled in the blanks. Mostly they were the hazy images of human memories, but I caught enough to get the idea. Sunlight becoming shade, a larger figure pulling a smaller one over something…
“Not even that far,” I replied, having noticed a belt and strap in his swirl of thoughts. “It’s… it’s embarrassing, and it hurts, but it’s done and we move on. And he treats all of us the same. He wouldn’t be any different with you.”
“But you’re his,” he argued, and my face fell.
“So are you,” I replied, taking a step closer. “Just because he didn’t change you doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you. Surely you can feel that?”
He didn’t say anything, but his thoughts were of comparing Carlisle’s feelings towards Emmett, Rosalie and I and his feelings towards Alice and himself. And I was relieved to realise he found no difference.
“And you just let him?” he asked, some of the worry fading into confusion.
I grimaced. “I didn’t have much choice the first time, and… well. It’s — it’s cathartic, I suppose. I don’t like it, but —“
“A sore ass is better than worrying about whatever it is you’ve done,” Emmett interrupted, completing my thought for me.
“That,” I said, running a hand over my face. At least Emmett could get right to the point.
We talked for a little while longer, out at the tree line, before Esme called us back to the house. Emmett shared some more in-depth stories than I was willing to, and Jazz seemed a mixture of surprised and also determined that it would never happen to him. I hide a smile, especially as Alice started scanning the future, as if that would be a possibility she could see in that very moment.
By the end of it, Jasper still didn’t seem all that convinced, but he also didn’t flinch away from Carlisle when he patted his shoulder as we reentered the house. I’d take it as a win.
“Emmett, why is my garage covered in splinters?” Rosalie called out not long later, having returned from college and found the state we’d left the room in after being ordered up to Carlisle’s office.
I made myself scarce, racing up to my room with the door closed. It wouldn’t hold her back, but it would buy my brother some time.
Emmett could get back in her good books much easier than I could, after all.