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They never got any real answers to what had really happened that day. Not after all of those endless calls, fists banging on doors, screaming at people, getting the media involved.
But eventually, it had to be accepted that no matter what it was that could’ve taken place, the answer was clear as day to anyone else with a brain that still functioned right. Susan was gone and never coming back. And nothing was ever going to change that.
Kevin never really said anything about it. He was only more reserved than usual, in a way one could feel like as if a door was ever heard opening late at night within a building that you’re supposed to be entirely alone in. Something about the way his usual temper and tendencies began to manifest since then always chilled him to the bone.
Might’ve been his own fault. He might’ve robbed Kevin of what could’ve been more positive years spent in his aunt’s presence. Anything but the constant badmouthing he’d feed him about her, impressing his young mind with it. The endless hours of her being forced to babysit him while she was already burnt out from the constant overtime of her current job. But could it really have been work anyways? One’s passions could never be legitimate or sustainable as a career path choice, after all. Nigel always viewed it as her just screwing around all day. Tinkering with funny looking machines and whatnot. Even a child could pull that off. They’d fight endlessly about this topic whenever they’d spend longer than fifteen minutes (on a good day) interacting with one another. He had felt she owed it to him to take on some of his own responsibilities as a father to make up for what he personally saw as the seeming lacktherof of such in her own life. Not like she had any children of her own. Or a job to provide for a family. Or a lonely wife that he needed to make up for lost time with after alll those endless grueling hours working. She didn’t even have a wife.
What Nigel really had a hard time accepting was that try as he may to justify himself, she was truly right about it all in the end. And he himself was dead wrong. Her leaving was what it took for him to finally ditch that horrible and time-consuming job to take a keep of faith toward something he actually enjoyed. Something he dared not to have even dreamed of pursuing as a career before. It was a bit rocky on the way to say the least, but it really paid off in the end. And he hasn’t regretted any part of it for a second, despite the unavoidable fact that he couldn’t ever feel as happy about it as he would’ve hoped.
He never would’ve wanted to admit that it was his sister that finally granted him that courage to do this and that he really could’ve listened to her all along and develop the gall to go after what he actually wanted versus blindly following through with what was expected of him from everyone else around. Whatever earned him that hard respect as a developed member of society. And whatever effectively sacrificed his freedom as a human being living on this planet. She kept telling him to do this, over and over again, and each time he’d only shut her down, grow defensive for god knows what reason, and then throw her some sort of insult about how he’s living realistically and responsibly as one should and how she’s still “got her head in the clouds at this age” or whatever the fuck it was he’d say. Anything to discredit her passions and ways of living. And then how he’d go on about how sure he was that sooner or later whatever she’s pursuing will come crashing down on her face in the long run while he’ll still be remaining afloat, managing with his job and family. And that when that finally happens, she’ll come crawling to him telling him he’s right, and he’d smirk and tell her that he told her so. He dreamed about that sort of scenario playing out and how good it’d feel to be right, and now here he was today. Funny and ironic how reality works itself out like that.
How stupid and pointless it all was in the end. He was only jealous. He lacked any sort of courage to step out of his predetermined societal mold. He didn’t want to admit to being a spineless coward. But he’d be stupid to ever deny it. That part was more obvious than anything else. He wondered if she picked up on all of that too. Probably. There’s no way she hasn’t while she was alive. It’s always annoyingly difficult getting anything past that Susan. While she was alive.
Either he was too proud to admit that she was right all along about his life or that it stung too deeply to finally face the fact that she couldn’t be there to see that version of him herself. The one that was now freer in some ways. To where in which she’d make those tongue-in-cheek remarks that she normally would. The kinds that’d piss him off, causing him to immediately shoot a few snide remarks right back at her. He can’t hear her anymore. It’s even starting to get hard to remember what her voice had sounded like, let alone in a pleasanter context. And he only ever had himself to blame. Why couldn’t he just grow up?
Things were always pretty sour between them growing up. Couldn’t things have all gone differently the moment they matured and grew into the adults they are today? Or were.
He gritted his teeth, pursing his lips over a dull yet burning pain he couldn’t quite describe. He really should’ve listened a bit more when he was still able to.