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Elliot was lying in bed, trying to figure out where everything went south. Things were good, they were really good, until they weren’t. Him and Liv, they’d gotten back to the way things were, before Gitano and before he opened his big fat mouth. Before she transferred into a different department. Had it been easy? Hell no, quite the opposite. Yet, there they were, it had all worked out. They had been in constant communication and then nothing, it’s as if the man no longer existed. That drove Elliot absolutely mad. The team had a tough case, they all went to the bars, and Elliot and Olivia ended the night with the rest of them. Elliot drove Liv home, walked her upstairs, checked her apartment because he was Elliot, and bid her a goodnight to go spend time with his children. The following day, he had gone into the office and Olivia seemed pissed. She glared at him as Cragen called him into his office like a scolded 7-year-old.
So, Elliot did as he was told, and he walked into the office, head held high and armed with excuses to whatever Cragen was going to try and pin on him.
“You’re needed under.” Cragen said, no emotion in his voice.
Elliot didn’t seem to have that problem, “like hell I am, Don.”
Don’s head snapped up, “excuse me?”
“You heard me.” Elliot hissed, “no way. I’m not doing it.”
In that moment, Elliot had wished that Don had stayed emotionless, “I don’t know who the hell you think you are Stabler, but you must’ve lost your goddamn mind. Now,” Don’s voice was dangerously low, “I’m going to try this again and if you don’t check that attitude, you won’t have to worry about going under. You’ll have to worry about finding a new job.”
Elliot’s eyes met with Cragen’s, both sets containing heat and rage.
“Elliot, you are needed under.” Don spoke slowly.
Elliot’s throat bobbed, “yes captain.”
Don nodded curtly, “that’s better.”
Elliot just stared at the man, who to his credit, stared right back.
“Cut the crap, Elliot.” Cragen finally broke the stare off, “you may be able to intimidate others, but you sure as hell don’t scare me.”
Elliot blew out a breath and plopped into the chair. He rubbed his eyes, “I just don’t get why I don’t get a say in this. What even is the assignment?”
Cragen softened at the defeat in Elliot’s slumped shoulders, “shouldn’t be more than a month, in Chicago. If it helps, I didn’t have a say either.”
“Sure, that helps. Does Liv know?” Elliot asked.
Cragen nodded, “she does.”
“Well, that makes sense why she looked so pissed then.” Elliot admitted.
Cragen raised an eyebrow, and Elliot shook his head, “nothing. It’s nothing. When do I go under?”
Cragen looked at the man regretfully, “well, immediately.”
“Immediately?” Elliot gaped, “what about my kids? What about them?” He asked, pointing frantically at the bullpen.
“Kathy is on her way with the kids, you can say goodbye to them here, but then you have to go with Vega and Faler, you’ll be briefed on the way.” Cragen said, “as for them, Elliot they’re fine. They know this is the job.”
Elliot huffed, “yeah, well, try telling Liv that.”
“I did.” Cragen shook his head, “I really ought to look at separating you two when you’re back.”
“Like hell!” Elliot bellowed and Don raised an eyebrow, daring him to keep going.
Craven looked him up and down, “it’s reactions like that,” he said, pointing, “that make me feel like I really don’t have a choice.”
Elliot was about to argue, when the woman in question knocked and entered without pause, “El, the kids are here.”
Elliot looked at her, eyes immediately softening and pleading with her to know that this was not his choice, was not his idea.
Her cool eyes seemed to thaw in front of him, the real emotion of fear breaking through. Her mouth quirked up just a little and she nodded. As he slid past her, their knuckles brushed, and he felt calm again.
He got into the interrogation room, met with a variety of response. Maureen was closed off, with Kathleen standing next to her, eyeing the man. Dickie and Lizzie were more expressive, asking him not to go, begging him to stay. To choose them. Little Eli was crying, not understanding what was happening. In the moment, he really disliked his ex-wife for even telling him anything, he’d rather explain it in his own way.
He looked at Kathy who was just shooting daggers at him and he mouthed an ‘I’m sorry’. She shook her head and looked at the kids in the room, sorry didn’t mean anything when they were all scared to death. Eventually, it was time for Elliot to go, and as he said goodbye, Maureen and Kathleen both broke. They ran to his side, hugging the man, begging him to be safe. He promised them and told them he loved them so much.
“Trust me, if I had a say, I wouldn’t be going. But this time, that doesn’t matter, I have no choice. Be good for your mom.” Elliot said with emotion, before exiting the room.
Liv was waiting for him, with her arms crossed next to the two agents taking him to his assignment.
“Detective.” Agent Vega spoke, “you can’t come with us.”
“Like hell I can’t. I can walk my damn partner to the loading dock.” Olivia glared intensely at the agent.
Elliot smirked, good move, he thought as they made their way to the door. Liv was walking at his side, still silent but he kept catching her side glances.
“Liv.” Elliot tried.
Liv shook her head, “not yet.” And Elliot nodded, understanding immediately. The four approached the back of the building, and Agent Faler tried to speak but Olivia looked at him.
“I know how this works; I can’t see the car.” Liv leveled with the agents, “but give me 2 minutes with my partner, because he sure as hell is not leaving this station until he tells me what he got from court this morning.”
The two nodded and stared at the duo, and Elliot shot them a look, “don’t you two have luggage to put away or the engine to check? Give me 2 minutes, jeez.”
The agents looked at one another and nodded before walking outside, “two minutes, Stabler.” Faler announced, “knock on the door when you’re done.”
Elliot waited until the door closed completely before looking around. Liv seemed to do the same thing and as soon as they both realized they were indeed alone, his eyes met hers.
“Liv.” He spoke softly, “I promise I didn’t know.”
Liv blushed the tiniest bit, “I thought there was no way you didn’t know, so when Cragen told me; I was pissed.”
Elliot chuckled, “oh, I could tell.”
“But then,” Olivia overexaggerated, “I heard you lose your head on Cragen. We all did.”
It was Elliot’s turn to blush, “yeah, I’m sure that one’s going to land me in some hot water when I get back.”
Olivia’s eyes turned sad, “how long? Did he say?”
Elliot’s jaw clenched, “a month.”
“El.” Olivia blew out a deep breath.
Elliot brought his hand up to her cheek, “I know, Liv. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be,” Liv said, grabbing his wrist, “you didn’t do anything wrong. It just, it sucks.”
Elliot nodded, “do me a favor?”
“Huh?” Olivia asked.
“Try not to like your new partner more than me, that would suck.” Elliot smirked.
Olivia let out a small chuckle, “yeah, because that’s the part that sucks about this.”
Elliot’s eyes were sincere, “I know but you know, I’m going to miss you. And I’ll make sure I can get in touch with you.”
Olivia shook her head, “El, they are acting like you are going to the white house, I highly doubt we can be in touch.”
Elliot smirked, “It’s you and me, Liv. We’ll find a way, we always do.”
Elliot stepped closer but then immediately jumped back when the back doors opened, and the agents reappeared.
“Time’s up, Stabler.” Faler announced, “we gotta move.”
Elliot nodded and winked at Liv, “bye partner.”
“Bye El, stay safe.” Olivia said with more emotion that she wanted.
“Always do.” He grinned, “you too, partner.”
Olivia watched Elliot fight the agents who tried to put their hands on him to lead him out the door. They were just about to vanish when Olivia called out.
“Hey El?”
Elliot stopped, and the agents groaned. Elliot looked into Liv’s coffee brown eyes, “yeah?”
“I, uh,” Olivia said, losing the words.
Elliot grinned, “I know Liv, ‘I uh’ too.”
“Good.” A smile crept onto Olivia’s face while Elliot disappeared for what was probably going to be their longest month ever.
The first two weeks of being undercover went smoothly, surprisingly smooth. Elliot was able to create rapport with the crew they needed him to, and he was already making an impact in their crew, quickly surpassing some other members who were deemed ‘untrustworthy.’ Elliot knew that if things went south, it would be bad, really bad. The group he was hanging around with, they were no joke. An established drug ring that had a secret to hide. That secret? They were selling women in their 20’s to the highest bidder on one of their black-market sites. The problem? Not many people knew about it, and even fewer people were entrusted to work it. But there Elliot was, expected to be brought into the fold in three weeks, and take them down by week four. To Elliot, that was laughable, no chance that was happening. Which made him frustrated, they knew this assignment would take more than a month, yet, they had lied to him.
Elliot shook away the thoughts and laid in bed, thinking about his next move. Liv was wrong, they were able to communicate. Not through phone or email, no, they could communicate through post cards. The agents had set Elliot up with an apartment with a mailroom in a communal space. This way, every time Elliot would leave, he could drop a letter off in the box, and the agents would pick it up and deliver it to the recipient. To no one’s surprise, two went out two his family, and six went out to Liv. However, he had only received two pieces of mail back, both from his family.
Elliot was clueless as to why Liv wasn’t replying, it didn’t make sense. Sure, she was upset at first about the assignment, but she told him herself, she understood and knew it wasn’t his choice. But now, there was silence, and that just made Elliot spiral even more. He decided he wouldn’t think about it, his focus had to be not messing up with the crew, he could not afford to.
The day he got recruited into the trafficking part of the business was his 23rd day under, which would also be his worse. Luckily, he had gotten some letters out the day before, because when he checked the mailbox, there was only one letter. Not from his family, not from Liv, but from the agents.
E.S,
Mail has been compromised, for your safety and those corresponding with you, we are halting all contact with the outside world immediately. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT attempt to send anything more, do not even go into the mail room. They will get a hold of it. They haven’t yet but we have intel they will start monitoring it tomorrow.
A.F
Oh, that’s just great, Elliot thought, groaning, and laying on his bed. Not only could he not speak to his family, but he wouldn’t even be able to know if Liv was even attempting to communicate with him now. God, he hated being undercover. He wanted nothing more than to just wrap it up and go home. Go home to the one’s he loved, to the one he loved the most.
Day 37 was the final day. Elliot had been contacted by the agents, and a bust was set up. Elliot managed to come out of the wreckage unscathed. The ring leaders were dead, and all the minions were locked up. Elliot had gotten arrested with the rest of them, and to ensure safety, everyone caught was sent to their own prison, to reduce the likelihood of them figuring out Elliot’s real role in all of this. After a few hours in cuffs, Agent Faler and Agent Vega uncuffed him as they started to take him home.
“Give me your phone.” Elliot said and Vega just stared at him in the rearview mirror.
Elliot rolled his eyes, “you cut off my contact for two weeks, I have to call my kids.”
“Fine.” Agent Faler gave in, handing the man a cell phone. As much as Elliot wanted to talk to his kids, he had to resist the urge to call Liv first. He dialed Kathy’s number, and was met with a voicemail. He then tried the rest of them, but the same thing happened. He looked at the time, and realized his mistake, it was 3 am in New York, his family was probably dead asleep.
There was one person he knew would answer though, no matter what time, because it was him. Elliot keyed in his most dialed number and let the phone ring.
“Hey.” He spoke to the voicemail, “I know you’re pissed, god, I would be too, but they cut my contact. No mail in or out, there was nothing I could do. Liv, I am sorry, I am sorry this took more than a month, I am sorry I couldn’t call or write, I am sorry. Please, call me. I, uh, you know.” Elliot managed to get out before hanging up the phone and handing it back to the agent.
Elliot asked the agent to let him know if anyone called back, considering they had a 12-hour drive ahead of them. Why they didn’t fly, Elliot would never know but he took advantage of the backseat to sprawl out and drift to sleep. He was tired, God, was he tired. The last 37 days had exhausted him physically and mentally, his brain never shut off; he was constantly thinking of Olivia.
With three more hours to go, and Agent Vega insisting that he heard from no one, Elliot started to become agitated. Something was wrong, and Elliot could feel in his bones that something bad had happened. He couldn’t explain it, but he knew something was wrong with Olivia.
“What happened?” Elliot asked from the backseat, earning a glance from Faler. Elliot clenched his jaw, “I know something happened, so what the hell is it?”
“Nothing Stabler.” Vega tried to placate the man.
“Nothing my ass,” Elliot growled, “What happened to Olivia Benson?”
Elliot did not miss the worried glances exchanged between the two agents, before they insisted nothing was wrong and that they would be back in New York soon enough. Elliot was seething with rage and worry, trying his hardest not attack the two men in the front seat. Elliot’s mind kept racing, as the neared the city.
“Take me to Olivia Benson’s place.” He demanded.
“Sorry Sir, we have strict orders to bring you to the precinct. You have to be debriefed.” Agent Vega spoke.
“Bullshit.” Elliot’s eyes were full of hate, “I was undercover nearly 40 days, I can go home and shower before I debrief. For the second time, I might add.”
“Sorry Stabler, orders are orders.” Faler shrugged and Elliot wanted nothing more than to deck his ass.
By the time the car rolled to a stop in front of the precinct, Elliot was freaking out. The feeling in his gut just got worse and worse, and he knew without a doubt he was walking into news that he did not want to walk into. Elliot didn’t wait for his bags, or all clear from the agents, he just strolled into the precinct like a man on a mission.
Heads were turning and Elliot did his best to ignore the need to get sick. Everyone in the precinct looked terrified of the man making his way to the office. Elliot’s gait faltered when he caught the sight of flowers on Olivia Benson’s desk. The flowers were the only thing present, and that made his stomach churn. He glanced at Fin’s desk, which was messy, it looked like the man had left in a hurry. His eyes swept, scanning the room for a familiar face, one he trusted, and it pissed him off like no other that he couldn’t find one.
“Don.” He said as he swung the door open without a care, “what happened?”
Cragen looked at the man with tired eyes and a glimmer of defeat, “Elliot, sit down.”
“Don.” Elliot warned, worry bleeding out of his blue eyes, “Don.”
Don took a deep breath, “it’s Olivia.”
Elliot felt his world completely fall off its axis, in his heart, he had known. He had known something was wrong, but hearing it now, all the air was knocked out from his lungs. Elliot grabbed on to the chair in front of him impossibly tight, his knuckles turning white from the disruption in blood flow.
He gritted his teeth, “what happened?”
“She’s okay.” Don said quickly, yet sadly. Elliot felt a sense of relief, and felt the oxygen start to return to his lungs.
Elliot narrowed his eyes, “but?”
“About 6 days after you left, there was an incident.” Don spoke.
Elliot was stuck frozen, half between wanting to scream at the man for being so cryptic and slow, and half between sprinting out of the building and going to Liv. The one problem with that, he had no idea where she was. Elliot twitched, going absolutely insane without information.
“Captain.” His voice was stern, “stop talking one sentence at a time, what the hell happened?”
Don sighed, and motioned to the chair, which Elliot finally sat down in. Seeing this, Don felt as if he could continue, “it was a routine canvas, Benson was sent out to go question a suspect, so she did.”
Elliot’s fist closed, “who was her partner?”
Don ignored the question, knowing he had to protect his detectives, “she was walking up to the apartment, when the suspect burst out the door, shoving her hard and smacking her with his pistol.” Elliot’s face went white, Don continued, “she stumbled back off the curb and went down hard. She smacked her head on the street.”
Elliot fought the urge to throw up and listened intently, the fire in his belly that was simmering was about to ignite. Elliot stood up, his chair flying back as he did so.
“Where is she now? You said she’s okay?” Elliot asked frantically.
“Son, she’s okay. She was taken to the hospital and had surgery, but she made it out. I have to warn you.” Don said, a tear in his eye, “she was in a coma for a month.”
Elliot’s vision blurred and he stumbled, clutching the wall for support. He went to speak, but he couldn’t.
“Elliot?” Don asked, “she’s okay, she woke up two days ago.”
Elliot snapped out of it and his eyes went dark, “She’s okay?! She was in a coma for a month, 30 fucking days, and I didn’t know about it! How the fuck did I not know about this?”
“Son, you know protocol.” Don tried.
Elliot whipped his head toward the older man, “do not feed me that bullshit, Don.” Elliot spun to walk out the door before he realized he didn’t know two critical pieces of information. He turned around again and was shocked to see that Cragen was hot on his heels.
Cragen shook his keys, “let’s go, I’ll drive.”
Elliot was still seething with rage, disbelief, and fear. God, was there so much fear. He sat in the passenger seat, trying to wrap his mind around it all.
“You said she was okay.” Elliot said carefully, “but two blows to the head and a month-long coma, Don? That’s a lot.”
“It is.” Don agreed, “but they did tests, and all the brain functioning seems to be intact. Her speech is slower, but other than that, she’s okay.”
Elliot looked out the window to hide his tears from Cragen, which seemed to be pointless, because the older man’s eyes were misty anyhow. After five minutes of silence, the anger started to pool yet again. Elliot looked at the man in the driver’s seat and took a few calming breaths. To Don’s credit, he just nodded and gripped the wheel a bit tighter, ready for the signature Stabler outburst.
“Why?” Elliot said, so softly, Cragen almost didn’t hear it.
Don sighed, “I don’t know. Well, I do know, but I didn’t agree.”
“They could’ve sent someone else in.” Elliot said.
Cragen laughed softly, “we both know that wasn’t a choice. No one could do what you did in that amount of time.”
Elliot scrubbed his face, “Don, I don’t give a shit about that. Liv, was here, in a coma for a full month, and I was none the wiser. It was like I didn’t even care, what kind of –” Elliot stopped, looking at Cragen looking at him knowingly, “partner,” Elliot said carefully, “does that?”
“Son, you were undercover. It wasn’t on you.” Cragen said, “they knew if you knew, you’d come out and then not only would everything be ruined, but you’d be in danger.”
Elliot laughed, “come on Don, you’re smarter than that. They didn’t give a shit about my safety; this was about using me.”
Don shrugged, “like I said, I advocated for you to be here, but Elliot. You are a detective; you have a job to do. Without emotion, it was the right call.”
“I should’ve been here.” Elliot wasn’t going to change his mind on that.
Cragen nodded, “in a perfect world, yes, but that’s not this world. And plus, why would they call her partner back, it’s not like she’s your wife or even girlfriend.”
Elliot felt his heart stop for a second but didn’t let his slight panic show.
“At least, not to their knowledge.” Cragen smirked and Elliot just stared at him in disbelief, but the conversation was cut short as they finally arrived at the hospital. Elliot’s whole body was vibrating with worry, and Cragen clapped a hand on his shoulder as they made their way through the hospital.
“She’s okay.” Don reminded the man, who was struggling with emotion. Elliot nodded and picked up speed as Liv’s room came into view.
Elliot took a deep breath and opened the door. Immediately, he was met with the brown eyes he had been missing for more than a month. Olivia was sitting up, looking tired but overall, she looked good. It didn’t matter, his eyes filled with tears and a lump in the back of his throat formed. He stalled, freezing at the sight of her impossibly short hair, probably cut for the surgery.
“Elliot,” she said tentatively, “it’s okay, I’m okay.”
The last of Elliot’s resolve broke and a small sob escaped. He strode over to the bed with purpose, “baby?” he croaked, “God Liv,” he said, cupping her cheek with his hand, “God, hi. Hi baby.”
Elliot leaned in and kissed his girlfriend, his tears leaving stains on her skin. When we pulled back, she was looking at him with her eyes wide open. Elliot’s heart sunk, did she have memory loss and not remember them? Oh God, what did he do? He shouldn’t have done that, she looked scared. Scared of him. He stood up and back away before noticing the reason for Olivia’s shock.
He spun around at the sound of voices.
“Uh,” Fin said with a smirk, “baby?”
Munch was staring in disbelief but teased, “and a kiss?”
“Liv,” Elliot looked at the woman with apologies, “Liv, I am so sorry. I didn’t, I didn’t see them.”
Olivia’s shocked face turned into a smile, “it’s okay, El, after the last month, I don’t give a shit anymore. I woke up, and all I wanted, all I needed was you.”
Elliot smiled, gently running his handover her forehead, “I’m here now.”
“You’re here now.” Liv smiled, as Elliot kissed her forehead and took a seat in the chair next to her bed. He might’ve not been there in the beginning, but now that he was here, he wasn’t going anywhere, and that was a promise.