Work Text:
CLASSIFIED - TOP SECRET
PROJECT INSOMNIAC
SUBJECT #132 RESEARCH NOTES - COMPILED BY DR. ROBERT ALLEN, DIRECTOR OF PSYCHOLOGICAL HEALTH, ENTERPRISE MEDICAL UNIVERSITY, OCTOBER 2036
NAME: SKYE SUMMERS
SEX: FEMALE
AGE: 20
ETHNICITY: CAUCASIAN / WHITE
HEIGHT: 5 FOOT 3 INCHES
WEIGHT: 120 LBS
OCCUPATION: SECOND-YEAR MED STUDENT
STATUS: INFECTED
NOTES: #132 voluntarily submitted herself to government health officials after experiencing the Lucid Dream phenomenon now confirmed to be the earliest known symptom of the Somnaphage virus. The subject was referred to the program in a state of severe mental and emotional distress, claiming that she was having difficulty keeping her eyes open. She was administered a mild sedative, delivered via a glass of water, to calm her nerves and reduce stress. Thereafter, she signed a consent waiver and was immediately quarantined.
—
A BRIEF OVERVIEW OF METHODOLOGY: As the Somnaphage is currently believed to be transmitted through the psychic energy of the dreaming hosts, rather than through traditional vectors such as airborne particles or bodily fluids, all research personnel have been instructed to wear neural blockers at all times when in proximity to test subjects, even when they appear to be awake. Due to the side-effects of prolonged use of neural blockers - which can include headaches, mood swings, paranoia, and in some extreme cases, memory loss - researchers have also been instructed to keep contact with subjects to a minimum. To that end, subjects are monitored remotely via cameras and sensors that track their brain activity and vitals.
For additional safety, subjects are quarantined in airtight plexiglass enclosures and physically restrained to steel chairs in case of the violent, self-harming behaviors typical of late-stage infection. Subjects are to be fed intravenously, and enema tubes and catheters allow for the sanitary disposal of waste products. To facilitate ease of access to the relevant anatomy, as well as to better monitor for physical symptoms of the infection’s progression, subjects are to remain unclothed for the duration of the study.
Finally, but most importantly, subjects are to be kept awake at all costs. Prior sleep studies performed on infected subjects have indicated that any level of sleep beyond the N1 stage of the first sleep cycle exacerbates the symptoms of the virus. Subjects allowed to enter REM sleep begin experiencing rapid cellular degeneration and irrevocable alterations to brain chemistry. By the second REM cycle, physical transformation follows, and subjects become nearly impossible to wake. In roughly the third hour of sleep, the subject is pronounced legally dead, their mind and body fully hijacked by the virus as they enter a permanent somnambulist state and become the beings that the media has dubbed Sleepwalkers (a rather innocuous name given their level of aggression). As of this writing, no cure exists.
—
A REMINDER: The purpose of this government-funded study is to track the progression of the Somnaphage in hosts deprived of sleep, and hopefully, discover a method through which infected subjects might be cured. Although forcefully induced sleep deprivation would generally be considered unethical for a clinical study, such concerns have been set aside in light of the alternative. For infected subjects such as #132, the study represents their only hope for avoiding a fate worse than death. Our experimental treatment methods are intended not to torture them, but to preserve their lives from the novel virus attacking them from the inside. All study administrators and research personnel have been instructed to respond to any complaints from the subjects by reminding them that they were fully warned of all known potential consequences and treatment side effects in the comprehensive 29-page consent waiver that they signed prior to admission into the treatment program.
—
A NOTE ON SUBJECT’S FAMILY: Subject #132 is an only child. Following protocol, attempts were made to contact #132’s parents and inform them of their daughter’s condition - however, we were unable to reach either family member by phone. As university enrollment records indicated that Mr. and Mrs. Summers were local residents, a department intern was dispatched to their address in hopes of relaying the news in person. Upon arrival, Mr. Summers was discovered asleep behind the wheel of his car in the driveway, the engine still running. Additionally, the intern reported seeing Mrs. Summers similarly unconscious on the living room floor through the window. The appropriate authorities were notified, and both husband and wife were collected and taken to government quarantine facilities, along with our now likely-infected intern. The decision was made not to inform #132 of her family’s status, so as to avoid exposing her to any unnecessary trauma which could alter her mental and emotional state and thereby skew the data collected throughout the study.
—
HOUR 1
#132 remained calm during processing despite her earlier agitation. She demonstrated some initial reluctance to strip naked, but the previously administered sedative rendered her docile and suggestible, so her hesitation was minimal and she eventually allowed researchers to collect her clothing and personal belongings for safekeeping. She was then escorted to the holding facility where she was strapped securely to the chair in an upright position and the relevant sensors and equipment were applied to her body.
Throughout this process, she exhibited signs of extreme drowsiness, even nodding off occasionally, but was quickly revived through the delivery of mild electric shocks via TENS unit electrodes attached to her skin. In all cases, the physical stimulation proved sufficient to roust the subject from early N1 sleep, but did not solve the underlying exhaustion, which she soon succumbed to again. Even her purposefully uncomfortable posture, sitting upright and naked in a cold steel chair, did not prevent the subject from drifting back into sleep.
Eventually, it was determined that constantly monitoring the subject and manually administering voltage every time she nodded off would be prohibitively inefficient. While technicians work on automating the process by synchronizing an electrotherapy delivery method to her brain activity, a different treatment was attempted. A small VR eyepiece was strapped to #132’s head in order to shine a programmed pattern of bright, randomly pulsating lights directly into her entire field of vision, in the hopes of warding off the possibility of sleep.
This caused the subject a considerable amount of distress, and she complained that the VR screen was too bright and caused pain in her eyes. She was reminded over intercom that she had consented to this treatment, and that reducing the brightness would also reduce the treatment’s efficacy as she would then simply be able to block it out by closing her eyes. Subject was also reminded that while long-term partial blindness has been acknowledged as a potential side effect of this treatment method, the alternative was having her consciousness obliterated and her body deformed by the Somnophage (indeed, if treatment is unsuccessful, that outcome may yet come to pass and any damage done to this young woman’s senses will be rendered a moot point).
Subject #132 then began to scream that she did not remember reading that portion of the waiver or, indeed, signing the document in the first place. Obviously her memory issues are a side effect of the sedative we administered to her. However, this does not alter the fact that we have her signature, nor, unfortunately, does it change the fact of her infection and the danger she now poses to others. Subject was informed that per the terms she agreed to, she will remain in solitary confinement indefinitely for as long as her infection persists. Subject then broke down into tears and begged to be allowed to go home. Small amounts of sedative were injected intravenously through her feeding tube until she became docile once more.
—
A NOTE ON SEDATION PROTOCOL: Obviously, sedation is a helpful tool for preventing undue suffering in the subjects, but given the superseding goal of retaining consciousness, sedatives should be administered sparingly and in carefully calibrated doses based on each subject’s physiology. Too much, and we risk inducing sleep and undermining our efforts to the contrary. Too little, and the subject remains in psychological distress, albeit with dulled responses due to impaired cognitive abilities. Any brainwave data collected during a period of sedation should be analyzed with that external factor in mind. While I recognize that dealing with sedated subjects is less stressful to our staff, whose own mental health must be taken into account, in the interests of purity of data and safety for the subject, I recommend that sedative mainly be administered when the subject could pose a danger to themself or others, such as prior to any necessary physical contact with the subject by researchers when subject is exhibiting signs of aggression.
—
HOUR 24
Subject has now been awake for approximately a day, per her self-reporting of when she last slept prior to volunteering for the study. Somnaphage symptoms remain unchanged, though #132 has begun exhibiting symptoms typical of sleep deprivation, including slowed cognition, self-reported fatigue and “brain fog,” and greatly increased irritability. To borrow a framework from the five stages of grief model (purely for purposes of comparison, though given Somnaphage patients’ probable outlook, grief may be an apt point of reference for her current emotional state), if yesterday was Denial, today is Anger.
When not verbally expressing her displeasure, #132 has frequently been slipping into microsleeps, dozing off for a few seconds at a time. It is unknown whether these brief periods of dipping one’s toe into sleep’s waters can speed the virus’ progression, but to be on the safe side (and to drown out her increasingly creative threats and profanity for the poor researchers assigned to monitor her), the speakers in her cell have been programmed to emit a loud, high-pitched whine for 30 seconds every two minutes. It is our hope that in addition to the constant visual overstimulation from her VR display, the occasional assaults on her hearing will help prevent sleep from taking hold of her.
#132 has also been complaining of muscle cramps due to not being allowed to leave her chair, and has alternated between demanding and begging to be allowed out of her restraints. While the ability to stretch and exercise would obviously be beneficial to her long-term health, allowing her breaks was deemed low priority given the risks to our staff from exposure to the subject and from the repeated use of neural blockers that would be necessary for close contact with her.
(If anyone feels the need to refresh their memory on the necessity of keeping the subjects continually restrained and remotely monitored, please refer to my notes on Charlie Brenner, subject designation #26, who in the early days of the study stabbed a research assistant in the eye with a pen and then took his own life with the same item during a psych evaluation interview on his 4th consecutive day without sleep.)
As an alternative treatment for muscular atrophying, frequent use of the TENS unit has been incorporated into #132’s hourly routine. Research assistants have been encouraged to set the voltage higher than strictly necessary, as the added discomfort from mild electrical burns can only help prevent her from sleeping (PERSONAL NOTE, DELETE LATER: Dr. Stevens has appeared in my professional analysis to be a little too eager to administer this particular treatment. Dismissal from the program may be necessary if sadistic impulses are not kept in check; see earlier point about our goal not being torture).
On a brighter note, the intravenous nutrients and chemical stimulants appear to be doing their job of keeping the subject alive and (relatively) alert. #132 has not yet complained of hunger, despite not being able to eat solid food for an entire day. While this type of diet may not be ideal, it is always heartening to know that our subjects need not starve while in our care.
—
HOUR 40
Subject #132 is now nearing 2 full days without sleep. Readings indicate that she is experiencing symptoms of severe sleep deprivation at this stage, including slowed metabolism, fever, and high blood pressure. Subject is also exhibiting difficulty speaking; her speech is impaired and her ability to clearly reason and express her thoughts has become even worse than when she was sedated on Day 1. While this has thankfully curbed her bad temper, it has also made self-reporting of her symptoms unreliable.
One thing we have been able to gather in her more lucid moments is that she has lost vision after nearly 48 hours of VR treatment, rendering said treatment ineffective. I ordered her VR headpiece removed and an ocular examination to be conducted, which confirmed the partial loss of vision. Subject has reported being able to see only vague shapes and outlines of objects around her, without detail. In addition to her partial blindness being regrettable in its own right, this development represents a setback for her prognosis as it closes off one avenue through which we might discourage sleep. We will continue regular application of physical, chemical, and aural stimulation in the hopes of keeping her alert.
—
HOUR 48
Subject’s mental condition is deteriorating rapidly. She has begun talking to herself, but little of what she says makes any sense. She seems to be experiencing severe depersonalization, referring to herself in the third person, often without using her name or personal pronouns (ie, “It needs sleep” rather than “I need to sleep” or even "Skye needs to sleep"). Sometimes it is unclear whether she is referring to herself at all, or…something else. I find her rambling as disturbing as it is fascinating. I have a live feed playing in my office even as I write this. I will transcribe a portion:
“It cannot see. It has no eyes. It sees things in its dreams that are not there. It dreams a new reality and wakes into a dream. It must sleep. It must awaken. The world is changing. It changes the world and the world changes it. Have we always been dreaming? We sleepwalk through life and wake up when we die. We are dying. Oh god, oh god, it’s not going to stop! We’ll all be awake soon. Dreamer, awaken. Dreamer, awaken. Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!”
That last bit of repetition then becomes more rapid and frantic until it devolves into screaming, eventually subsiding into incoherent muttering.
This phrase, “Dreamer, awaken” is a recurring motif in not only #132’s sleep-deprived mutterings, but also those of many other previous test subjects. What it means, and how they should all arrive at those words independently of each other, remains a tantalizing mystery, especially given the archaic, almost ritualistic phrasing.
Perhaps answers will come after enough sleepless hours. With few exceptions, most subjects have not made it past the 4-day mark before sleep - and the Somnaphage - claims them. I am curious if #132 will be able to hold out longer. Her microsleeps have been occuring more and more frequently, and requiring stronger and stronger electric shocks to awaken her from. Though I fear for the effect these repeated shock treatments are having on her body and mind, it is too late to turn back now. I will instruct the team to use whatever means necessary to aid her in her brave fight against the siren song of slumber.
—
HOUR 60
Subject #132 has been experiencing severe psychosis and hallucinations over the past 12 hours. She has reported, with no small degree of alarm, seeing “skinless demons” with “many arms” and “sunken eyes.” Obviously, no such creatures appear on the camera feeds, and tests confirmed that her own eyes have not regained any of their lost functionality, so whatever phantoms she thinks she’s seeing, they are entirely fragments of her damaged mind.
The imagery is nonetheless disturbing, though. Curiously, her description bears a passing resemblance to common forms of Sleepwalkers. Most likely these are images embedded in her subconscious from news footage of the pandemic.
On a personal note, similar visions intruded on my nightmares when I fell asleep at my desk last night, and I did not sleep again after waking from that dream in the middle of the night. I confess, I have been averaging only 4 hours of sleep a night for the last few days, even when in the comfort of my own bed. This study has been a strain on us all, it seems, subjects and researchers alike. Still, I suspect #132 would kill for 4 hours of sleep, so I try to keep my own problems in perspective. Thankfully, thus far I have not yet had the Lucid Dream.
—
HOUR 65
We have failed our duty of care. Despite our best efforts to avoid just such a development, Subject #132 fell asleep at approximately 4:44 AM last night. Her slumber was not immediately noticed or corrected because the researcher on shift who was supposed to be monitoring her had also fallen asleep (she has since been quarantined pending testing to determine whether her lapse was the result of infection or natural exhaustion; we've all been so tired and overworked lately).
The good news is that Subject #132 was able to be awakened in what we estimate was the second cycle of REM sleep, although the usual methods of doing so were ineffective, and the girl only woke up when Dr. Stevens took it on himself to begin physically beating her. I tried to pull him off her, but his approach, while brutal, ultimately saved her life. At least for now.
(Note to self: Schedule a psych eval for Stevens. Continued use of neural blockers may be negatively affecting his already questionable personality.)
The bad news is that a few bruises, loose teeth, and a black eye are the least of the damage caused by #132's little nap. While she slept, the Somnaphage rapidly and dramatically progressed into the physical transformation stage, though thankfully the effects were localized in her right leg. Which is not to say that it was any less gruesome to witness. That…corrupted, mangled limb was deemed unsalvageable, as there is currently no known way to reverse the effects, so the girl - #132 - was taken to the surgery wing and prepped for immediate amputation.
For obvious reasons, she had to remain conscious for the surgery. It was also deemed too risky to provide anesthetics to numb the pain, as frankly, pain seems to be the only thing that keeps her awake at this stage. If she had been allowed to pass out while they sawed her leg off, she might have ended up with another corrupted limb, or worse.
I don't like it any more than you do, but that is the medical reality we are facing.
Once the surgery was completed, the dead leg - if you could still call it either of those things - was immediately contained as per contamination protocols and taken away for incineration. The mental trauma of losing a limb is another point of concern, however it’s difficult to tell if the subject even understood what was being done to her, as she is now so deep in the caverns of her own mind that she seems unable to perceive the world around her. Reportedly, she spent the entire surgery screaming at the doctors to “Wake up!”
At the time of this writing, she is back in her chair in her cell, the stump of her right leg bandaged, staring directly at the camera with her blind eyes, mouth open in a mercifully silent scream. She appears terrified of something only she can see.
I am glad I cannot see whatever it is that she is looking at.
…I think she might be looking at me.
—
A CONTEXTUAL NOTE ON THE STATUS OF THE WIDER WORLD: It's not great. Things are bad out there, and getting worse, too, from what I’ve been hearing on the news. The virus is spreading more rapidly by the day, and current estimates of the number of infections are now in the millions worldwide. We don’t even know how to slow the spread. How do you keep everyone around you from falling asleep?
Some victims die, their bodies simply forgetting how to keep breathing. Or else they starve first, or die of dehydration not because they lack access to food and water but because they can’t wake up long enough to eat or drink. Many more of them transform. Sometimes this happens before they die, sometimes after; it doesn't seem to make a difference. The transformed Sleepwalkers barely resemble human beings anymore, in either body or spirit - they are feral and violent, and go on to kill anyone unlucky enough to encounter them. The images on the news… they haunt me, both when I’m awake and in the rare occasions where I sleep.
Why and how these changes happen remains unknown, but it has been clear for weeks now that what we are dealing with is not a natural phenomenon. Sometimes a virus will mutate, take on a novel form. This isn’t that. This is nothing mankind has ever seen before. I and my colleagues in other fields could study it for years, maybe decades, and be no closer to determining either cause or treatment. I see that now.
All my work here, this whole program…is it doing any good? Or are we just doing harm, torturing these poor people under the justification of urgent, life-or-death scientific research? It certainly doesn’t feel like we’re making any progress. In fact, we’re slipping backwards, as many of my staff and colleagues succumb to infection themselves. At this rate, we may have to shut down the program simply because we lack the manpower to keep it running at this scale.
I am resolved to stay the course as long as possible in the hopes of some eleventh hour breakthrough, but lately I begin to wonder: Would it not be more humane to give these men and women under our care the sleep they so desperately crave? Shouldn’t we let them retain their dignity, rather than filling their final days with unnecessary torment, prolonging the suffering we claim to be trying to prevent?
I guess I’ll sleep on it. Ha ha ha.
—
HOUR 72
Dr. Stevens has proposed testing a hitherto…unexplored method for keeping #132 awake: sexual stimulation. I was initially strongly against this, if only because Stevens’ lecherous motivations are as naked as the young woman in that chair, but the more I thought about it, the more three points stuck in my brain.
Point 1: All other treatment methods are becoming less and less effective as the subject’s condition worsens, and we have to try something. I doubt she would survive falling asleep again, and to be honest, it’s a miracle that we’ve kept her alive this long. I have no desire to cut more body parts off the poor girl. A hail mary, no matter how perverse, is better than giving up on her - perhaps exploring new avenues will yield a breakthrough.
Point 2: Although sexual therapies were not mentioned in the consent waiver that she signed, #132 is now so far past the threshold for lucidity necessary to give informed consent to anything that there is no longer any way to navigate such issues. At this point, keeping the subject awake, and thus alive, takes priority over any ethical concerns. It’s possible she wouldn’t even be cognizant of the violation, considering how detached from her sense of self she has become.
Point 3: After everything we’ve put her through, surely a little physical pleasure would be a mercy. If these are to be her last hours among the living, shouldn’t we allow her to feel something other than pain and discomfort? Is it not more humane to provide pleasant stimulation instead of only suffering?
I pointedly asked Dr. Stevens if he intended to administer the sexual stimulus personally, and he recoiled a little in disgust, as if I had suggested having intercourse with a leper. It would seem his obvious sexual desire for the subject - formerly one of this institution’s students, I would remind him - is as of now still outweighed by his fear of exposure to the virus. This provides me with some small measure of comfort.
I proposed a saner option, and sent an embarrassed intern out with a shopping list to procure an item that could be discreetly described as a ‘personal massager’ (I stopped short of the more penetrative options that Stevens suggested). As I write this, said wand is strapped securely to #132’s thigh, left on a high setting in a carefully arranged position to stimulate her genitals.
It’s been there for a while now, and it’s difficult to tell if #132 is enjoying it. She’s definitely awake and reacting, which I suppose is the whole point. She keeps grinding her hips against the vibrating head of the wand, arching her back and straining against the restraints. Her head is thrown back over the chair and her eyes have rolled up into her skull. There are earbuds in her ears emitting high-pitched frequencies that are probably damaging her hearing, but help to keep her brain confused and awake. She frequently emits long, lascivious moans through the gag that we had to install in her mouth after she was caught trying to bite off her own tongue.
Sometimes, however, her reaction becomes more violent. Sometimes she whips her head back and forth and screams as if the vibrator is hurting her. I worry that overstimulation is increasing her exhaustion and that eventually she will wear herself out and fall asleep despite the unending stimulation of her genitalia.
I admit that it disturbs me to see her this way, looking more like a model on a pornographic website than a patient undergoing life-saving treatment. And yet I can’t seem to look away. I’m sure that elsewhere in the building, Stevens is watching the camera feed as well, but I doubt he’s feeling as conflicted as I am.
Maybe this was a mistake. All of it.
—
HOUR 75
I have spent the past 3 hours watching #132 in the throes of enforced ecstasy. I didn’t even notice so much time was passing. My eyes are burning from lack of sleep and from staring at this screen, but I can’t seem to look away for longer than it takes to type this. Her body, the way it moves, arching and writhing and undulating…it’s hypnotizing.
Sometimes I swear I can see her joints crack and twist in unnatural ways, like the bones are rearranging themselves inside her. But then I blink and she’s the same as she ever was. Just a girl drooling through a gag and panting as the bandaged stump of her leg twitches and her stomach clenches. She looks so helpless like this, her eyes blank and vacant, her body wet and shiny with drool and sweat. It’s like she’s not even really a person anymore. Only, the Somnaphage didn’t do this to her. We did.
It’s been more than 3 days, but her brief, catastrophic sleep earlier threw off our metrics. I don’t know how far her infection has progressed now, or what will happen next. But it feels like she’s evolving. What hubris it is for us to try and hold back evolution.
Outside, the world is growing dark. On the TV in my office, the President of the United States has just fallen asleep during a press conference. I am realizing that I have not called my family in days. Nor have they called me.
I could pick up the phone, but that thought tires me. Instead I watch #132. I don’t want to miss it, the moment when she becomes something else. It won’t be much longer nowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
—
HOUR WHO CARES ANYMORE
This is Dr. Robert Allen speaking. I attempted to write this entry down but my hands were shaking too badly to type, so audio recording it is. It’s better this way. I need to hear my own voice say these words so I know I’m not insane.
I’ve just woken up. I had the Lucid Dream. I am infected with the Somnaphage, and the next time I fall asleep, I will lose myself. I should feel scared by this, but instead all I feel is the immense relief that comes with understanding. I know now what I have to do.
As is well-documented, the Lucid Dream is different for everyone. Mine was of a throne on a cliff against a backdrop of stars that glowed with colors I couldn’t name, and strange, pulsating planets of flesh and blood. The throne was a steel chair, and sitting on it was Subject #132. She was naked, but unbound. Her leg was still attached, but it was the deformed version we had cut off of her. She was beautiful and terrible to behold.
It wasn’t really her, of course. It was my mind attempting to process something beyond its scope by filtering it through a familiar image. I know this because #132, the thing that looked like #132, spoke to me.
It called itself the Dreaming King.
I did what anyone would do in my position. I asked it questions. And to my surprise and horror, it answered them.
Oh merciful God, we were so wrong. No one has been able to conduct tests on a live Sleepwalker, or else we might have realized. We thought the Somnophage was some psychic bioweapon, feeding on our dream energy or some such impossible alien nonsense, but it’s so much worse than that. Sleep is just the delivery mechanism, the state of suggestibility that induces the transformation. It doesn’t want to keep us all asleep. It wants to keep us all awake.
Do you see it now? The Sleepwalkers aren’t asleep at all. They woke into a nightmare, and now they’re trapped in it. It isn’t their dreaming that gives the King its strength, but the opposite. It’s our dreams that kept it caged, like an electric fence around its consciousness. And now, after millennia, it has found a way to cut the power.
It’s going to remake us in its image. All of us, awake forever. Awake and screaming.
I have to end the study. I have to shut it all down, before I fall asleep again. Even now my eyes feel so heavy, my motor control slow and sluggish. I cannot save the subjects. I can’t save anyone. But maybe I can give them one small mercy, and hope that death is like a kind of dreaming.
—
The facility is dark and empty. I pass bodies sleeping in the halls. Everyone is asleep, at least for now. Maybe everyone in the world, except for me. I have no way of knowing.
I kept a handgun in a locked drawer in my desk. I took it out and loaded it before leaving my office. I can feel it squirming in my hand, my finger shaking against the trigger.
Don’t worry. I have enough bullets. One for every subject. And then one more for me.
—
I found Dr. Stevens outside #132’s cell with his pants down, masturbating. I began to verbally berate him, but soon discovered that he was unresponsive. His eyes were far away, and I realized that he was deep within the Lucid Dream. Apparently, whatever he was dreaming about was far more enticing than the version I experienced.
I shot the pervert’s dick off, and when he didn’t wake up, I shot him again in the head for good measure. How’s that for a wet dream?
I then unlocked and entered #132 - Skye’s - cell and turned off the infernal torture device between her legs. I took the gag from her mouth and removed the earbuds from her ears. I undid all her restraints and took off all the pads and sensors and helped her down from the chair. And then I held her weakened, shaky body in my arms, there on the floor.
Skye looked up at me with her blind eyes and I swear she recognized me. In a quiet, calm voice, she said, “You’ve seen it too.”
I told her that yes, I understand now. I told her that I was sorry.
She told me that she had tried, really tried, but she was half-asleep even now, one foot in dreams and one in wakefulness, and there was nothing she could do to stop what was coming for her. What was coming for all of us.
I told her it was okay, that she didn’t have to suffer anymore, that she could sleep now. That she could sleep forever, if she wanted. She said that she would like that.
So I placed the gun against her temple and put Skye to sleep.
This will be my final entry. I am recording it from Skye’s cell, with her brains and blood still drying on the floor. I wish that I could give her a proper burial, like she deserves, but if Mother Earth can’t have what’s left of her, then at least the Dreaming King can’t have her, either.
I want so badly to just curl up next to Skye and drift off, but I have more work left to do. More subjects to free, more mistakes to atone for. Miles to go before I sleep.
I don't know if anyone will ever hear this, but whoever and wherever you are, out there in the waking world, I hope you sleep soundly, while you still can.
Good night, and God help us all.