Chapter Text
The Now
"You have a choice to make."
The green, earthy flavor of Green Milk soothed her senses as she sat in Kylo's open deck, just watching the expanse of the sunset paint the white walls of Kylo's neighbors' houses gold and pink and purple.
"Do you remember when you still used to live in that apartment with all the boys? And you keep stealing Ushar's pants? I swear he was ready to kill you in your sleep."
Over the years The Knights have become household names. Playing the biggest venues and drawing the biggest crowds the galaxy has seen.
And now they all had houses of their own that was beyond anyone's wildest dreams.
She was so proud of the man he has become.
The man he always was for her.
"How is Jessika?"
Jessika Pava, famed actress, once rumored to be with her own Ben, was actually secretly seeing Kylo for years.
They've been friends with... well a little more since the moment Rey and Kylo met.
Sometimes when they were in the same city, they would get together.
In recent years it has gotten less, because Rey would be with the Knights and Kylo never met another woman when she was around, even though she told him it was okay.
How can Kylo cheat on her when they weren't really together and... she was technically emotionally cheating on him because she was in love with someone else.
Kylo simply sits beside her and turns his whisky colored eyes at her and rolls them.
"You don't get a free pass for sleeping with Ben if I sleep with Jess."
"I didn't sleep with Ben."
"But?"
They never lied to each other, her and Kylo. There was no secrets, there was no deception. They tell each other things even when it hurts. And they hope forgiveness comes, and they hope they can move past it.
Because they both know what it was to be lied to, and to be played a fool.
It didn't make hurting him any less difficult.
"I kissed him."
There it was, the subtlest of flickers in his eyes, the subtlest tightening of his hands on the mug he held but kept untouched. The subtlest intake of breath at the admission he knew was coming.
"You're still in love with him."
It was not a question.
"I think I never really stopped, Ky."
It was not an answer.
"What do you want to do then?"
"I don't want to lose you."
Because she can be selfish, because he was asking, and there was so secrets.
There was no lying.
Not to Kylo.
"I know it's not the right decision. I know he's the wrong decision, but I want to try it. I have to try it, because pride always got in the way with him and I. But I don't want to lose you. Because Ben will hurt me, Ky. And I really hope you'll be there when he does."
"You're a fucking bitch you know that don't you Henrietta."
"I do. That's why I'm telling you now, if you walk away I will get it. But know that I won't be okay about it, Ky. Know that it will devastate me to lose you. Know that there is a part of me that is glad that I can do this to Ben now, and make him feel what I felt when he was with Voe and all the others. But know that there is also a part of me that now understands him, in a small way. I now know what it's like to have your heart split in two, to be unable to make a decision, to be unwilling to let go of what you know is good and right for you while you go play with fire. He was an asshole for doing that to me. And now I am an asshole for doing it to you. I'm asking you to stay, and give me time. Because I really don't know what I want Ky."
"I might not be able to take it."
He takes her hands and twines their fingers together, in something that they've done almost habitually, and instinctively.
"Do you know the mental torture it brings me to imagine him touching you, and kissing you and being with you? I won't survive it Rey. And I won't survive the hope that on the small chance you find yourself capable of getting off his dick, you might eventually choose me. Rey, you're in love with him. You always will be. Don't use me as a weapon to make him suffer. I was a good friend to you. I was a good man to you. I deserve more than be something for you to hurt Ben."
She sets her cup aside and she climbs on to Kylo's lap and rests her ear on his beating heart.
"He followed me all over the world. Mustafar, Kijimi, Hoth, Ajan Kloss. Everywhere I was, he was there."
"Your mom told me."
"Ah, I should have known, how else will he know where I was going for holidays. I wondered about that."
"And?"
He sets his own mug aside and leans back to situate her more carefully against him.
He has fallen asleep like this, multiple times. Her in his arms, just staring at the sun set.
She pulls back and lays her hand on his cheek.
She loves him, Rey thinks to herself. With the way his dark curly hair fluttered in the breeze, the way that full mouth and those whiskey eyes stared right into her. She brushed her thumb across his cheekbone and marvelled at his face. Her angel, fallen from the sky, right when she needed him.
"I was happy. He loved me, he chased after me. But at the same time I was angry. Because all my life I thought just for once, I need Ben Solo to love me enough to fight for me, and that would be enough. I will forgive him, and we will live happily ever after. But I saw your eyes, and I realized something."
His eyes clash with hers and Rey looks at him clearly. In the way she has always looked at him all these years.
"I love you. In a different way. I love you because you never hurt me, Kylo. I love you because when I needed someone the most, you were there. And it's not what I feel for Ben, but what is this pain in my chest at the thought of never seeing you again if it isn't love?"
"Dependence. Fear. A need to have someone safe to keep Ben accountable."
She laughs despite herself and Kylo smiles back and soon they were laughing, like two crazy idiots, talking about how she used him all these years.
"Why did you let me be dependent? Why did you comfort my fears? Why did you become my safe place, Ky?"
He rolls his eyes at her.
"Because I love you, you know that."
"And I'm selfish and a bitch for using that and taking advantage of that. But let me be selfish and a bitch for a while. Love me a little longer Kylo, and maybe don't give up on me yet."
The first signs of frustration crosses his face. "And what do you expect me to do? Be your mistress? Your secret lover that hides in the shadows while you play the proverbial perfect couple with Ben all over the HoloNet? I won't do it Rey, I won't be Voe for you. Look, we're friends, we can still be friends without all this drama-"
"What if we don't hide it?"
Kylo takes a long look at her before his jaw drops to the floor.
"You can't be serious-"
"I'm done protecting Ben. And I am done running away from my life, trying my best not to be the scorned woman. Fuck, Kylo, I've been so traumatized by these past five years that my brain protected me from remembering it. I'm done carrying it with me. Tomorrow, I'm going live on HoloNet. And I'm going to tell everyone everything. Including the fact that I will be dating two men because I don't know which man I really want to be with."
"Have you gone absolutely insane? They will crucify you for this Rey. You will never star in a film ever again. Somethings have to be private. The world doesn't need to know everything about your life!"
"I'm done living life in secrecy. I'm going to date who I want to date, and do what I want to do. It's a brave new world Kylo and I refuse to be Ben."
There was a subtle hint of defiance in her mouth and for a second Kylo was very scared for her.
"Look Rey just... it's okay you can be with him."
He swore he won't beg her, and that he would support her decision whatever it may be. But she was about to ruin her career, and he reputation just for Ben.
Sure, she expects she will get on backlash, but she was a woman loved by two men the world loves the most. The world will do anything to ruin her and destroy her. And he will do anything to keep her safe.
Even from herself.
"You don't have to do this to prove a point to Ben. Choose him, because you know that's what this is about. Choose him and I will still be here, of course I will, when he hurts you Rey, I will always be here. So please, don't ruin yourself for me, or for Ben. Please don't ruin yourself-"
But whatever Rey was about to say was interrupted by Vicrul who was panting as he slammed into Kylo's suite.
"Uhh... Reybean? I think you will want to see this..."
---
Ben knew that what she wanted to do will only harm her.
The universe was cruel, especially to women like Rey, and they won't forgive her the crime of not choosing between Ben Solo or Kylo Ren.
She will be labelled the slut, the famewhore, and all forms of names. She will get the hate even though everything was his fault.
Because that was the way the world worked.
The world hated women.
But he loved Rey, and he was not going to let anything harm her, especially himself. Not ever again.
So he nods to his assistant and they press the live button and they wait until the numbers hit a critical enough mass for him to step from the side and sit on the small stool.
"Back in August of 2024, I told Henrietta Erso-Andor, the love of my fucking life, the one good thing that ever happened to me, that I wanted to keep it casual between us. I told her this because my career was just taking off, and there were all these opportunities ahead of me, and I felt like having a girlfriend would have been detrimental to that career. Rey and I, we're also very different people. I had a stick up my ass, I wanted to finish medical school, and there was always a tension to prove myself to my parents, that I was just as good as my brothers. That I was just as capable as my brothers. And I felt Rey did not fit into that life. So I told her maybe give me some space, because I needed to see where things will go with a childhood friend of mine - a girl named Voe who was with me in medical school. Rey, of course, very kindly, told me to go fuck myself and broke up with me."
He knows that the comments are blowing up but he tries not to glance at them. He keeps his eyes straight on the camera.
"But I was afraid that if she left me, Galaxy Wars will suffer, and my career will suffer and I cannot afford to let anything touch my career so I forced Rey to remain in a relationship with me purely for Galaxy Wars. At the time I was too stupid to understand that my obsessive need for Rey, to keep her with me, to know where she was at, if she was happy, if she was healthy goes beyond my need to be popular and loved. It was because I love her. Because Rey is one of the first people to love me for me. She looked at me and saw me, flaws and all, and decided I was worth loving anyway, without the medschool, without the acting awards, without the hair. Somehow Rey loved me unconditionally and being loved like that... it changes you. It makes you want to be a better man, and on the day we broke up, on the day I broke her heart, I saw that love die in her eyes."
He wasn't going to cry, because he did not want the sympathy. But he felt that sting of them anyway, on the memory that he had her and he lost her. The greatest thing that ever happened to him.
"And when Rey had her accident, she lost her memories. Yeah. We didn't tell you that. Rey had a temporary retrograde amnesia for six weeks after her accident. She forgot I ever hurt her. And I saw that love come back in her eyes. I was still her Ben, the Ben she loved and the Ben who will always love her. So I prayed she will never regain those memories, and that this was my chance at a fresh start with her. But she gained back those memories, and by then... I already conned her into marrying me. And conned you all into thinking we were dating."
Ben rubs his hands over her ring, that was resting on his chest, on a chain, waiting for her to take it back.
"I recently got Bantha Fever and Rey nursed me back to health, and in those ten days where she was, quite literally having and holding me through sickness, Rey tells me that if we were ever going to work, it would have to be from a place of honesty. That she was tired pretending to be the adoring, simpering, girl and I the golden boy. She wanted to tell you that I hurt her, that I ended us and ruined things for us, but that she is still somehow, someway, inexplicably in love with me, and is willing to give me a chance. Sorry, sweetheart, if I added that last bit in, but a man can dream."
Ben's face turns serious as he turns to face the cameras. "I also know that you will all turn on her. Like you turned on the many people who over the years have found out about Voe, and the real story behind Rey and I. I loved that attention, I loved that protection it offered me, but I failed to consider that it came at the expense of Rey. That protecting my career came at the expense of sacrificing Rey. And Rey is the most important person in my life and I was not going to let her subject herself to ridicule, and bashing and all sorts of horrible things that people in the name of blind worship over a celebrity has inflicted on the world's sweetest woman, who did not deserve what she endured. Rey is the love of my life, and if she needs me to cut my heart out and hand it to her, I will do it. So I'm doing this for her, because she wants a clean slate, and she wants us to be honest with each other. So here's some honesty for you today, sweetheart - I love you. I think I loved you from the moment I saw you and everyday I wished for a chance to go back in time, and take back everything I said to you. I love you because after all these years, you protected me, and when you decided you were done with the lies, and you wanted a clean slate, it did not even cross your mind to ask me to do it. Because you love me, and you're still protecting me."
Ben grips the ring around his neck and grins at the camera.
"If I still have a career tomorrow, and Rey and I are not fired from our film, and I'm not buried in lawsuits for broken contract clauses for brand deals, I hope tomorrow you'll let me pick you up from your place, and bring you your favorite jogan fruit bowl for breakfast and I'll even throw in that chocolate bread you love while I drive you to work. And if not, and I tanked my career, I hope you will still let me come to your place with your jogan fruit, and drive you to set. But know this, you can all do whatever you want to me, but don't you dare come for Rey. Anything negative, false or absolutely horrible said to my beautiful Rey, will be dealt with accordingly."
His blue eyes darken as he looks into the camera, daring anyone to harm Rey.
"Rey, sweetheart, I love you. I will tell you everyday for the rest of my life. And I hope you forgive me one day for keeping one last thing from you, I swear from here on out, no more secrets."
He blows her a kiss and motions to his assistant to end the feed.
"Anything while we were broadcasting?" He asked his PR team who was monitoring their emails calls and holonet feed.
"I think... the world is still processing what the hell just happened. Your deals-"
"I don't give a damn, I meant anything about Rey while we were broadcasting."
His PR team gave each other a bewildered look. Ben was usually very conscious of his public image.
Suddenly his phone, his personal one, the one only his mother, father, brothers and Rey knows rings in his pocket.
He knows it's her from the special ringtone he assigned to her.
"Sweetheart?"
"BENJAMIN ORGANA - SOLO!"
He braced himself for the worst. He stepped out of line, he knew that, but her plan was insane, to reveal herself to the public, to open herself up for scrutiny. He was not going to let her.
"You can't do this behind my back."
"I know."
"I had a planned live tomorrow."
"I'm sorry."
"Are you?"
"I'm sorry I did not tell you, but I'm not sorry I protected you. But I should have talked to you, I should have let you known, but I just figured nothing would have made me change my mind. So I went ahead and did it, and prepared to grovel for forgiveness."
"You're too smart for your own good."
"Is it working?"
There was a pause on her end of the line, and his heart lurched in his chest. Did he mess this up... did he actually make the wrong decision-
"Come for mine tomorrow. We'll do it right this time. Together."
"Okay."
The vice around his heart releases.
"And Ben?"
"Yes sweetheart?"
"Don't pretend to not notice you left out Kylo in your little speech."
The vice was back in full force. Did she really mean to bring in Kylo into this whole mess? Was she seriously in love with Kylo?
"Rey, we're already detonating a lot of bombs in public..."
"Hey Solo, this is Kylo Ren."
Ben's breath arrested in his lungs, and for a second he can't breathe.
He never, not once, spoke to Kylo Ren directly.
"Ren. Would you please give Rey back her phone please?"
"You're actually on speaker."
His jaw clenches at the thought that Rey was with him, at his place and he can feel the familiar rage build in his veins-
"Thank you for protecting Rey. You did the right thing."
And all of a sudden the anger deflates out of him. He pinches the bridge of his nose because what the hell can he say to that.
"Look, I know Rey wants you to be public too-"
"And I will be, as Rey's friend, as I always have been these past years. As much as Rey wants to be open and untethered there are certain things that are still meant to be private. You protected her, that's all that matters."
He wanted to ask if he was going to be a friend because Rey wanted him to, or if this was just the story to the press.
But he was trying to break out of old habits.
And he was going to do so, even if it killed him.
"Okay, sweetheart? I have to go, but I love you."
There was a beat, long enough for him to suspect she might not reply.
"I know."
And she cut off the line, and for once maybe that was enough.