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Complicated is how anyone who knew Gon and Killua would describe their relationship at the moment, and to be honest, they didn’t know how to describe it themselves.
They had been on and off for 3 months now. I mean, they had dated for 5 years before the breakup. They were true high school sweethearts. Where there was Killua, a shorter, shapelier figure followed close behind. They were never caught more than 6 feet away from each other. So it made sense for them to be on and off while they were working out their relationship.
Or at least that’s what Gon thought.
"Do you think Killua will like my outfit?" Gon asked, simultaneously turning around in his floor-length mirror to check out his ass. Oh, he looked good. He wore baggy khaki pants that fit perfectly at his waist and thighs, a white polyester tee that hugged his curves, a sage-colored cardigan draped over his shoulders, and white Air Forces.
"I don’t know! Why don’t you just ask him yourself?" Leorio audibly sighed, standing up from Gon’s bed with keys in hand.
"We aren’t on speaking terms right now. Plus, my messages turn green every time I text him." Gon huffed as he followed Leorio out of his room. He waved a lazy goodbye to his aunt when they reached the front door, turning around and closing it behind him.
He hadn’t realized he had been shaking until he sat down in Leorio’s car. If they got moving, he could blame it on the rumble of Leorio’s beat-up old BMW whose radio doesn’t work until you hit it three times with two-second intervals in between. The last thing he wanted was to worry Leorio.
They were on their way to Ikalgo's 21st birthday party. Ikalgo was a friend of friends. He knew almost half of the fucking 4th years at their college.
This is how Gon and Leorio became friends, Leorio being a 4th year and Gon being a sophomore.
Which is why Killua making a grand appearance at Ikalgo’s party was a given. That and the fact that they were best friends. Gon and Killua shared just about everything before their breakup, and that included their friend groups.
A little over two weeks ago, after their most recent breakup, Gon wasn’t sure if Killua would even want to talk to him again. They had never blocked each other’s numbers before. Killua had cut off contact. His emotional outburst about feeling neglected and how they weren't on the same page was a wake-up call for Gon, though he hadn’t fully understood Killua’s hurt until now. Which is why when they pulled up to the curb of Ikalgo’s big-ass party house, he was damn near close to telling Leorio to turn the car around and take him back home.
While they were approaching the front door, he noticed a few familiar cars. It looked like Palm, Knuckle, and Kurapika had parked a little down the street. He didn’t see Killua’s car, but he and Ikalgo were buddies, so he was sure he’d turn up soon, much to Gon’s disappointment.
Gon was his 4th? 5th shot in? He lost count after a lovely girl tugged him to the middle of the crowd and began grinding on him. A loud ‘HELL YEAH’ could be heard from the direction Palm, Knuckle, and Shoot had been holding cups of Ikalgo’s Jumba juice, which had a bottle of Lord-knows-what that had Gon’s head spinning in a way that told him it was time to sit down for a little.
Gon spun the blonde over to a guy who had been patiently waiting for his turn. He headed for the basement to hopefully take a seat in Ikalgo’s room and grab a water on his way. Gon pushed the door open only to be met with an empty dark room. He was thankful a couple hadn’t been eating each other’s faces on the bed when he walked in. He took a seat and scooted to the headrest.
When had he closed his eyes? He couldn’t remember. A bright, annoying light pierced through the room, and music could be heard from upstairs as a figure creaked open the door as if they expected someone to be in there.
"Guess we had the same idea." A familiar voice sounded over the loud music, followed by a light airy chuckle. His vision was still a little blurry from being faded out of his mind, but Gon couldn’t mistake that voice for just anyone. He stood up on his feet and yelped from the whiplash of standing up so fast.
"Oh, oh! Killua!" You would have thought he had gone through puberty again the way his voice cracked and shrieked. He steadied himself.
"I...:" Gon hesitated. He didn’t know if he wanted to leap forward and kiss that stupid grin off Killua’s face or if he wanted to run and hide never to be seen again.
"I could leave if you wanted some space." Killua frowned at this.
"From—from the party! I mean. The loud music and all the people. I mean that’s why you came down here, right? Because I could—"
"Gon." Killua abruptly cut him off from his nervous rambling.
Gon shivered. Killua was wearing a grey hoodie with a pair of black jeans paired with a black puffer on top of the hoodie. His hair was slicked back with a loose strand hanging on his forehead. Gon found it hard to stand.
"I came to find you, idiot." Killua’s words came out in a slur. How drunk had he been? Drunk enough to be talking to Gon, that’s for sure. Gon wasn’t sure how to respond to this. He worried that if he said the wrong thing, he might ruin this moment between them. But he pushed that thought back as fast as it came.
"I missed you." Is the only thing he knew to mutter out, lip slightly quivering. God, he sounded so pathetic.
"Fuck." Killua stepped towards Gon and pulled him into a desperate hug. He was wearing his cologne he only wore when he was trying to impress someone. Gon tried not to inhale too deeply or he’d think he might faint.
"Let’s get out of here. I’ll call us an Uber." Killua said, as he pulled out his phone with one hand, keeping the other hand wrapped around Gon.
When Gon woke up with a heavy weight around his back along with a warm surface under his cheek, he remembered where he was.
When they arrived at Killua’s house, Gon took it upon himself to wail a thousand "I’m sorry's" and "Please forgive me! I love you!" into Killua’s shoulder as Killua made a failed attempt to ‘shut his trap because he was going to wake up Alluka’. They fell asleep soon after.
This same scenario has played out many times. So many times that their friends stopped acting surprised when they both had suddenly disappeared from the crowd in a dimly lit house during a party or when Zushi realized he was talking to a wall when he would catch a glimpse of Killua eyeing Gon across the kitchen, only for Gon to moments later mumble something about going to get another drink. Which is also why their friends stopped texting them wondering where they had gone.
Because more times than not, Drunken smiles across the bar lead to Gon crying into Killua’s arms in the wee hours of the night, or Playful winks at dinner turned into Gon being bent over Killua’s kitchen island while babbling something along the lines of how sorry he was and how Killua treats him so well.
Truth is, Their relationship was like a play straight from Shakespeare. Which was everything they could dream of. The problem was Gon. Gon had a problem. In relationships, Gon tends to get bored very, very easily. After a few weeks, He stops putting much effort into the relationship and instead puts it into something else, like the gym or helping his aunt around the house. It wasn't his fault, what 20-year-old didn’t have major commitment issues?
Well, that was until Killua came into his life. Killua was the longest relationship Gon had ever managed to keep. But lately, he’d been acting like a "complete idiot," as Killua would put it. Since starting their sophomore year of college, Gon’s commitment issues resurrected. He’d stopped making time for dates, visiting Killua, or even inviting him over. He assumed it was from all the stress of the semester ending.
But don’t get him wrong—Gon loved Killua. He wouldn’t trade him for the world, and Gon was well aware of his problem. So, of course, for the sake of their relationship, he decided to give therapy a try.
Gon pushed himself up on his elbows and eyed the sleeping man next to him. He wasn’t sure where their relationship stood after last night, but he knew that if he had cried and begged for no reason, he’d have to resort to Plan D: actually attending his therapy sessions.
Killua stirred under him, letting out a long exaggerated yawn before blinking his eyes at Gon.
"Good morning, sleepyhead." Gon all but whispered with a giddy grin on his face. He missed this.
"Oh God, Gon, why are you so awake?" Killua dramatically shoved his eyes into the crevice of his elbow.
"Because I get to wake up next to my favorite person." Killua’s face shifted at that and not in the way Gon thought it would. It was enough to make him question if his scene from last night was too much. Maybe he should have toned down the sobs.
"Right." Killua sat up, straight-faced. The face he puts on when he’s about to say something he doesn’t agree with. Killua’s arm lay lazily on the bed next to where it had been wrapped around Gon’s back. Gon followed the motion, sitting up on his knees, facing Killua. His eyebrows were furrowed. eyes turned away from Gon.
He looked like he was trying to say something but couldn’t find the words. But Gon knew what he was going to say. Because he said it every time they ended up like this. Gon wondered when he would stop giving his hopes up.
"We— I don't want to get together yet." Killua huffed out. The way Gon’s smile faded hurt Killua more than any papercut.
"What the fuck?" Gon hissed under his breath. Killua looked a little taken aback.
"What?"
"Killua, what the fuck?" Gon lifted himself off the bed, face feverous and eyes glossy. Killua sat upright a little more.
"Are—are you seeing someone else?" Gon hiccuped like it pained him to say. It did. His throat was squeezing so tight he thought if he said another word it would come out as a pathetic squeak.
"What!? Fuck no, why would you think that?" Now Killua was standing up on the other side of the bed.
"Because! How many more of these, Killua?" He pointed at the bed. "How many more nights do I have to spend begging for you to forgive me only to wake up disappointed every time!?" This time the tears came out all at once.
Killua stood on the other side of the bed, His gaze was distant. Lips drawn in a tight line.
"When you get your shit together Gon!" Killua’s words fell blunt but were so full of emotion. He was looking anywhere but at Gon. Gon grabbed his phone on the nightstand and headed for the front door. He slammed the door shut and began down the sidewalk, dialing Leorio’s number.
Killua didn’t try to run after him. Not that he didn’t want to, but because he didn’t know the right words to fix all this shit. Alluka peeked her head around the corner into Killua’s room. Unfortunately for Killua, his sister’s room had to be right next door to his.
"You okay?" She said, sitting down on Killua’s bed and patting a spot next to her for him to sit.
"Never get a boyfriend."
She smiled wide at that. "I wasn’t planning on it. Thank you for the warning, though!" Killua laughed at that.
"But seriously, though, are you okay?" She laid an empathetic hand on her brother’s leg, reassuring him that it was okay to talk to her.
"He’s just a fucking idiot," Killua said, and Alluka replied with a questioning, "Oh?"
"I really shouldn’t be worrying you about this. It’s just stupid relationship problems." He started to stand up. Alluka pulled him back down to the bed before he could.
"But you brought him here." Alluka said, not letting her older brother let this conversation die. Not yet. She loved Gon like family, and she knew Killua loved him just as much, if not more. So for him to call this ‘stupid relationship problems’ wasn’t going to slide with her.
"Yeah?" Killua questioned.
"Well, if you’re going to lead the poor boy into thinking he has a chance, then don’t tell him the night after that you two can’t be together!" Killua shifted uncomfortably, realizing she had heard more than he thought she did.
"You need to go apologize to him!" She stood up. The beads in her hair bounced as she walked towards the door, shutting it. Leaving Killua to ponder her words.
They both had problems.
~
"Why don’t you two bastards just get back together?" Leorio stuffed a forkful of pasta into his mouth. Leorio had brought Gon out to get food after declaring that the way to a man’s heart is, in fact, his stomach, and this would surely fix Gon’s broken heart.
"Because!" He said in between chews. "I don’t know if that’s what Killua wants." In a desperate attempt to get Leorio to understand him, he instead gave him a face full of spaghetti bits.
"Ugh! Close your mouth when you chew, you slob!" Leorio grumbled, wiping the bits of spaghetti off his face. Gon let out a hearty giggle, mumbling a half-hearted apology. Leorio's expression softened as he shifted back to the previous topic.
"You’re kidding me, right? I mean, you see the way he looks at you."
"Like—like ugh, never mind. You guys are disgusting." He makes an exaggerated gagging sound.
"So do all of us a favor and apologize before I gut the both of you!"
Gon couldn’t sleep that night. How could he when Leorio’s words kept replaying in his head? I should apologize . He just had to find the right time to do it.
His phone dinged and dimly lit up his room from his nightstand. Who would text him this late at night? Honestly, he was planning on ignoring it, but by pure willpower, he turned over in his bed lazily, grabbing his phone off the nightstand. Squinting his eyes so he could see past the blaring brightness that was his phone screen.
The text read, "Hey, it’s Killua." Gon scrambled to sit up. He bit his thumbnail in between his teeth.
2:36 am Gon: Hey.
2:36 am Killua: I’m outside, come out.
2:39 am Gon: What makes you think I want to see you?
2:40 am Killua: We need to talk.
Gon was already up on his feet before Killua could even get a chance to rethink and turn the car around. He threw on some random joggers and a tee.
He tiptoed downstairs, careful not to wake Aunt Mito. When he reached the front door, he stepped outside to find Killua waiting in the driveway, the car parked and off, Waiting for Gon. Gon slid into the leather seat, instantly greeted by the comforting scent he became so familiar with.
Gon breathed in, and when he looked over and met Killua’s eyes, he felt weak. It annoyed him how Killua could make him feel like a teenager again. Killua’s eyes were a little glossy and hooded. Looks like he wasn’t the only one who couldn’t sleep. A stretch of silence lingered.
"Look—"
"I’m—"
They said simultaneously. A smile dared to creep up on Gon’s face.
"You go first," Gon suggested, his voice soft but earnest.
"I’m such a dick," Killua started. This time, Gon couldn’t suppress his chuckle, a sound of relief and affection.
"Yeah, hence the name, Zol-dick ," Gon teased. He laughed a little too hard at his own joke. Maybe he was a little delirious.
"And you’re an idiot," Killua said, jabbing a finger playfully into Gon’s side, a small smile breaking through his otherwise serious demeanor.
"But I’m serious.” Killua continued. “I was being an asshole, leading you on like that." Killua ran a hand through his hair, straightening his posture. "I guess my insecurities got the better of me.”
His cheeks were dusted pink, making his eyes seem brighter under the car lights. “I assumed you were getting sick of our relationship, that maybe you didn’t want to be with me anymore"
"Killua..." Gon’s voice sounded smaller than he had intended.
"I would never get sick of us," Gon said, reaching out to gently cup Killua’s jaw with one hand while his other hand rested in Killua’s hair. "I always want to be with you. I can’t believe you thought I wouldn’t."
"Yeah?" Killua’s eyes were searching Gon’s face.
Gon leaned in, tilting into Killua with a slow, tranquilizing kiss like he was trying to convey all the emotions he couldn’t put into words. An unspoken promise. He realized that this was the reason the universe kept bringing them back together—because their connection was irreplaceable.
"Yeah."