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The ash isn’t so bad today.
At least, it’s not as bad as it was the day before although that isn’t saying much. A sickly yellow haze covers the sky. The dirt beneath Techno’s feet is buried by a layer of grey, the same layer that coats every leaf and branch on the dozens of trees that surround the path they’re walking down.
Despite this, they don’t need to wear their respirators today. Techno tastes the ash in the back of his throat with every inhale, but it doesn’t make him collapse into a coughing fit which is a win in his book. He and Phil both know this is temporary—the winds will change, the sky will darken to orange, and the respirators will be practically glued to their faces yet again. Even if things seem to be getting better for a short while, the season is far from over.
A rustle in the tree branches pulls Techno out of his thoughts. Beside him, Phil freezes, head whipping towards the sound as his eyes scan between the shadows of the forest. Techno takes a step back as Phil slides his bow off his shoulder. Then, he waits as Phil stalks towards the trees, footsteps completely silent despite the debris under his boots.
He doesn’t bother searching the trees to find what Phil’s hunting. Instead, Techno’s gaze lingers as Phil goes through movements that have become so familiar to watch. He shifts into a lower stance, his shoulders tensing as he draws the bow back. His eyes narrow as they focus in on the target. Then, he lets out one singular breath.
The arrow flies. There’s a solid thunk! as it meets flesh. Techno sees the shadow of the bird as it falls out of the tree and to the ground, an arrow embedded right through its eye.
“Nice shot,” Techno says once Phil walks back over, the dead bird swinging from his hand. It’s not a very large bird—it’ll barely be enough to share as a meal—but it’s meat and that’s good enough.
“Thanks, mate,” Phil replies, tying a string around the bird carcass before slinging it over his shoulder. “Maybe we’ll get lucky and find another before sunset.”
“You think?” Techno glances at the sky again. “I dunno if it’s light enough today to draw that many out.”
Phil shrugs and he resumes walking down the path, Techno following as if they never paused. “We found this one, didn’t we?”
“Suppose so,” Techno relents, readjusting the pack on his shoulders. “D’you think we should get off the road and go further in? If we get extra we can dry it for trade.”
Looking into the forest again, Phil considers it for a moment before shaking his head. “Nah, not here. We’re too far inland for a proper breeze to displace the ash.”
Techno nods. “We go to the coast then?”
“As long as the wind doesn’t shift in the next day or two, I’d say that’s a good idea,” Phil agrees, the carcass bouncing against his back with every step. “Gonna be real fucking annoyed if we get there too late though.”
“Better get your rusty joints moving then,” Techno teases.
Phil rolls his eyes. “Don’t start with the old man bullshit again.”
“I’m not startin’ anything. Just saying, I’m not the one with knee pain so if we take too long to get there-”
“You literally were complaining about your shoulder this morning,” Phil retorts before Techno can finish.
“Old injury, Phil. It’s different.”
“Mine’s an old injury too!”
Techno huffs. “Keep telling yourself that.”
And just like that, their direction is set. This is usually how they decide their next move. All it takes is a brief debate until they reach the same conclusion. They never plan for the long term. Instead, they take it day by day, reading the winds and weather to figure out where their next meal will come from.
It’s different than how most people travel, Techno knows that. It’s already uncommon to be traveling during a season. As a child Techno was always taught that if a season is declared, you stay with your village by any means necessary. Having a secure spot in a village means you’re guaranteed community support—shelter, medical care, food rations—everything a person needs to stay alive when survival is a question all its own. But Techno left his village behind long before the season was declared and he’s still alive, so that has to count for something.
They continue down the path, comfortable in their silence with one another. The forest around them is quiet, the only sound coming from their boots trodding along the ash-laden path. In the beginning, Techno found the silence eerie compared to the birdsong that used to travel between the branches and the squirrels that rustled under the leaves. But he’s grown used to it over the past few years. They all have.
A few hours later as the sky begins to darken, Techno and Phil hear voices in the distance. They both pause and share a look. The wind carries the voices closer and while Techno can’t make out what they’re saying, he can tell there’s a group. There’s no villages along this path, so either this is a hunting group sent out from a nearby village, or roamers like he and Phil.
Taking a square of fabric from his pack, Phil wraps the bird carcass up to hide it away. If these are roamers, there’s a chance they’re struggling for food. If they see Phil carrying fresh meat around they might be desperate enough to try and rob them.
Not that it would work, but considering he and Phil just washed their clothes in the river yesterday he’d really rather not have to do it again to get the blood out.
Techno puts a hand on his machete but doesn’t take it out. Phil takes his bow off his shoulder and while he doesn’t place an arrow in the string, he keeps it at the ready. Then, they continue down the path towards the source of the noise.
The path curves around a swath of trees and once they move past it, Techno spots where the voices are coming from. He and Phil relax at the same time. A trading caravan is nothing to worry about.
The caravan seems to have made camp for the night. A covered wagon sits closest to the trees, while a few people set up a fire and tents beside it. Techno does a quick headcount to see there’s only three of them. A little small to guard a proper caravan, but three years into the season Techno can understand whatever village they’re coming from not wanting to risk too many people.
He and Phil both put their weapons away. This is an opportunity for them both and they don’t want to jeopardize it by scaring the group.
“Oh, hello there!” One of the caravan members calls out as they approach. He’s a tall man wearing a black and red hooded cloak, a pair of taped together glasses barely visible under the shadow on his face. Despite his suspicious appearance though, he sounds surprisingly friendly as he waves at them.
“Hullo,” Techno greets with a nod as Phil does the same, “you guys a caravan?”
“Sure are,” the cloaked man says. “We’re trying to hit up a few villages before we head back to our own.”
“What are you all looking for?” Phil asks, already reaching for his pack. “Food, I’m guessing?”
“Actually, no. We’re looking to trade food for medical supplies,” the man tells them.
Seems like it’s their lucky day.
Within fifteen minutes he and Phil have traded a small chunk of their medical supplies for enough dried beans and jerky to last them the next two months if they’re careful. This also seems to endear them enough to the caravan that the man they traded with—Bad, he introduces himself—invites them to camp with them for the night. Camping is always safer in numbers, so Phil and Techno set their tent up beside the others before joining the group by the campfire.
The first other member of the caravan they meet is a girl named Mouse. She’s not exactly dressed for the elements, wearing shorts with a cropped shirt and only a thin jacket to wear on top, but she insists she runs warm and isn’t bothered by the wind. Also, she and Techno seem to share the same sentiment on hair dye since hers is dyed a mix of pink and purple, and Techno ends up nabbing a few packets of real instant coffee by giving her an extra bottle of his own dye.
The last member of the caravan is the guard. He’s not as tall as Techno but close to it, with broad shoulders and a mechanical prosthetic arm. He introduces himself as Fit and while he seems friendly enough, Techno doesn’t miss the way his eyes linger on Phil after Phil shakes his hand.
Techno isn’t sure how it happens but when they settle down around the fire to eat, Phil doesn’t sit by Techno like he usually does. Instead, Bad and Mouse sit on either side of him, while Phil sits across with Fit at his shoulder.
While he knows the benefits of camping with a group, Techno never quite enjoys it. It’s rare for him to feel at ease around strangers. It’s partly a safety thing—you never quite know who’s going to turn around and stab you in the back—but Techno can tell these guys aren’t the type. The discomfort comes more just from his general lack of desire to talk to people.
Well, people besides Phil. Phil doesn’t count.
Even still, they’ve done this often enough that Techno understands the ‘routine’ conversations to have. They share where they all were when the season first began, how they found out, what their original villages were like and things of that nature. So of course the question comes up.
“What about you guys?” Bad asks after having rambled on about how wonderful his group’s village is. “Where are you settled?”
Techno smooths out his expression as best he can as he answers. “We’re not really settled anywhere. We were out traveling when the eruption happened which is, y’know, pretty bad timing on our part. So we weren’t able to get back to our village for a full year. By the time we made it back, they’d already brought in new members and didn’t have room for us anymore.”
The familiar lie flows out of Techno’s mouth with ease, but despite having told it dozens of times, he can’t help but tense as he waits for their reactions. Lying in itself is a risk, but the consequences of them finding out the truth are far worse.
Thankfully though, Bad and Mouse only give him sympathetic looks.
“Oh man, I’m sorry. That had to feel pretty awful,” Mouse apologizes.
“Yeah, that’s pretty rough. And you guys haven’t been able to find a village that would take you in since then?”
“Nah,” Phil jumps in, shaking his head, “we tried looking for one at first, but then we realized we were managing pretty well on our own. I know most people think we’re crazy, but we kind of prefer it out here now.”
“Self-made men, huh?” Fit asked, nudging Phil’s shoulder. “I can respect that.”
Phil huffs out a laugh and nudges Fit back. Techno’s eyes narrow at the exchange.
The evening wears on. Bad asks Techno about the places they’ve visited. Mouse wants to know if Techno and Phil have any more information on what exactly caused this season, because most people they come across have no idea. Unfortunately for her, Techno only has the theories he’s heard spread across the country—some kind of massive volcanic eruption, possibly combined with an earthquake large enough to break the earth itself apart.
It’s not as though anyone can find out for sure though. No one who was close enough to see it for themselves survived to tell the tale.
All in all, there’s nothing about this evening that sets it apart from the hundreds of other times they’ve done this. Pleasantries, travel advice, learned tips and tricks that most of them already know but like to pass along just in case—it’s all shared between bites of food and punctuated by casual smiles that Techno is familiar with.
Except there’s one thing that’s not normal whatsoever. Well, two things. Two people to be specific.
Phil and Fit.
As the night wears on, Fit worms his way closer and closer to Phil’s side. Techno isn’t sure when it happened, but now Fit has his arm draped over Phil’s shoulder and Phil is leaning into his side, cheeks flushed from the homemade liquor the group apparently makes in their village. Fit keeps staring at Phil in a way that sets Techno on edge. But Phil doesn’t seem bothered in the slightest. If anything, he seems to enjoy the attention, smirking at Fit as they banter back and forth.
At one point, Fit leans closer, his nose brushing the side of Phil’s neck. Phil rolls his eyes and shoves him away, but doesn’t remove his arm from his shoulders.
Techno doesn’t even realize he’s staring until Mouse leans over to whisper in his ear. “Looks like your friend is gonna get laidddd tonight.”
Techno isn’t stupid. Of course he recognizes what’s going on between Fit and Phil. But it still doesn’t make sense to him because it’s Phil. Techno himself has been hit on plenty of times when they’ve joined campsites for the night so he’s sure Phil has too. But Techno never felt much of a desire to take these people up on their offers and assumed Phil was the same way.
Clearly not, judging by the look in Phil’s eyes.
It’s not too long after that when Bad decides to retire for the night. Mouse follows, leaving Techno on one side of the campfire, with Phil and Fit on the other. Techno decides he really doesn’t feel like playing third wheel to his best friend and the random bald man he’s hitting on, so he takes his food scraps and pushes to his feet, making his way around the fire to the small hole in the ground the others dug to discard things in.
Techno passes by Phil and Fit and can’t help but overhear Fit’s low voice say, “You know, if you wanna continue this you can come to my tent tonight.”
Stiffening, Techno risks a glance over to the two. Phil considers the offer for a moment before his eyes flicker to Techno. Techno averts his gaze and pretends he wasn’t listening in even though he’s sure Phil can tell.
Phil shakes his head. “I appreciate the offer but nah, probably not tonight.”
Fit shrugs and pushes to his feet. “Well, if you change your mind you know where to find me.”
As Fit heads off to his own tent, Techno avoids Phil’s gaze and heads back to theirs. He crawls inside and settles himself on his bedroll, wondering why Phil would’ve turned Fit down. He also wonders why the hell he even cares when it’s Phil’s business and not his, but he can’t stop himself from turning it over in his mind.
It’s cooler in the tent away from the fire. The fabric above his head is only faintly illuminated by the light outside, casting weak shadows he knows will disappear in another hour or so.
Suddenly, more light filters in as Phil pushes open the tent flap. He crawls onto his own bedroll but doesn’t lay down, instead grabbing his bag so he can reorganize it for the morning.
Techno knows that Phil knows he isn’t asleep. But he doesn’t say anything and keeps his focus on taking out the old clothes in his bag to refold them so he can make room for the new supplies they traded for. By all means, Techno should take this as his cue to roll over and go to sleep, just like he would any other evening.
“Uh, y’know, if you wanna go to Fit’s tent tonight you can,” Techno finds himself saying instead.
Phil pauses his folding. “What?”
“I mean, I heard what he said. If you wanna head over there I don’t, uh, mind or anything.”
For a moment, Phil is silent and Techno kind of thinks another world-ending earthquake hitting right now would be better than this. But then,
“You sure?” Phil asks, quieter than Techno expected.
Techno is so glad neither one of them can see each other’s faces in the dark tent. “Yeah. Why would I care? It’s none of my business.”
Another beat passes. Then, Phil sets his bag aside and starts crawling towards the tent flaps again.
“Alright,” he says, “see you in the morning then.”
With that, Phil leaves the tent and Techno is left alone to stare at the shadows above him once again. Now he should be able to go to sleep. Sure, it isn’t often that he sleeps without Phil at his side, but they’re camping with others tonight. It’s not as though he and Phil need to take turns guarding the tent. And he knows exactly where Phil is. Only a few tents down from his own.
“Getting laidddddd,” Mouse’s voice repeats in his mind.
Techno wasn’t lying when he told Phil he didn’t care. Just like he said, it isn’t his business what Phil gets up to. He and Fit are both consenting adults. Phil can get some action if he wants. It doesn’t affect Techno in any way.
So why is he thinking so much about it?
Techno tries to shut his brain off. He shoves his pillow over his head as if he can force his mind to go blank via self-suffocation. When that doesn’t work, he groans and rolls onto his other side, trying not to focus on how quiet the tent is with only the sound of one person’s breaths instead of two.
It takes hours, but at some point in the night Techno manages to drift into a fitful sleep.
Techno wakes the next morning to find Phil sleeping beside him in the tent as if he’d never left. Neither one of them discusses the night before as they pack up their things. They opt not to share breakfast with the caravan, although Techno doesn’t miss the flirty smirk Fit throws at Phil as they say their goodbyes.
The only evidence that any of Techno’s memories from last night were real comes when they’re on the road again. The air is unusually heavy with heat despite the weak sunlight streaming through the ashy sky, and Techno pulls his hair up into a ponytail to keep it from sticking to the back of his neck. Beside him, Phil shrugs off his jacket, leaving him only in a short-sleeved t-shirt.
That’s when Techno catches sight of his neck.
“Bruh,” Techno finds himself saying without thinking.
“What?” Phil asks, raising an eyebrow. He notices where Techno’s eyes are focused and laughs, bringing a hand up to brush the many bruises dotting his neck. “Oh, I’m guessing Fit left some marks?”
“That’s an understatement,” Techno huffs. There’s more purple on Phil’s neck than normal skin at this point, and Techno wonders how Phil didn’t notice that Fit was apparently trying to suck his blood. When he looks closer, he can definitely see a few bite marks in the hickeys as well.
“Kinda wish I had a mirror just so I could see the damage, given the face you’re making and all,” Phil snorts.
Techno’s making a face? He shakes his head to try and clear it. “Sorry. Just, uh, took me by surprise.”
There’s more to it than that. That same restlessness from the night before stirs in the back of his mind. His gaze darts from hickey to hickey, once again asking himself why he’s so fixated on what Phil does in his free time.
It’s then that Phil’s eyebrows furrow ever so slightly. His eyes dart around Techno’s face as if he’s searching for something, but after a beat he looks away.
Techno can tell there’s something on Phil’s mind, but whether it’s about him or Fit he’s not sure. Given the topic of conversation he doesn’t think he wants to know either way, so he decides to let it be. If Phil really wants to talk about it, he’ll say something. He knows Techno’s not the type to push.
Silence reigns for the rest of the day.
Phil’s hickeys fade over the course of several days. The weather grows colder once again so Phil’s jacket returns, and by the time he takes it off again his skin is bruise-free.
Their routine returns to normal. They hunt. They make camp. They sometimes talk, sometimes don’t. That’s one of the things Techno likes most about Phil. He understands that not every silence needs to be filled.
They make their way to the coast. Just like they hoped, the winds have scattered the ash just enough that most of the birds in the area have gathered there. The sound of chirping and birdsong constantly fills Techno’s ears, and for the first time in months, Techno finds himself feeling full nearly every night.
Of course this doesn’t last for long. The winds die down, the ash clouds roll back in, and the respirators come back on. Phil and Techno dry as much meat as they can—both for their own supplies, but also to trade with. It’s rare to find a caravan like Bad’s that isn’t searching for food. With the ash clouds growing thicker by the day, it’s only a matter of time until the sunlight becomes too poor for crops to grow. That’s when the villages will start getting desperate, while Phil and Techno will have to settle near a river to ensure they have a steady supply of food. But for right now the dried meat will be useful for trading. So they pack up their things and start making their way back towards the forest.
The smell of salt still hangs heavily in the air when Techno and Phil run into another caravan.
Well, caravan is a generous term. Unlike Bad’s group, these guys don’t have a wagon to put their supplies in. Instead they use some kind of wooden sled alongside the packs on their backs. The ash has thinned just enough for the evening that none of them are wearing respirators, so Techno can see how hollow their cheeks are. He gets the feeling their village isn’t in a very good state.
“We’re trying to find anyone that’s open to trade, but a lot of villages near here have shut their gates,” explains the only woman in the group. Her hair is dyed pink on one side and black on the other, although the pink has somewhat faded leaving patches of blonde in its place.
“Well, while we don’t have as many supplies as a whole village would have, we’re open to trade,” Phil says, already brandishing his pack.
As they compare their items, the woman introduces herself as Niki. Besides her, there’s a man with a prosthetic leg who says to call him Pac, another man wearing thick glasses named Mike, and a well-muscled man with nearly pure white hair who calls himself Etoiles.
“I’m Phil,” Phil says as he hands Niki a few dried bird legs, “and this is Techno.”
Techno, who squats down beside Phil to go through his bag, gives Niki a small wave. “Hullo.” He pulls out some of the jerky Bad gave him and considers offering it to Niki to see what she’ll trade for it, when he catches sight of Phil’s bag and huffs. “Do not tell me you got those dried beans loose in there.”
Phil rolls his eyes. “The pouch Bad gave me came untied a few days ago and I haven’t felt like dumping the whole thing out to grab them yet.”
“Phil, you literally have loose beans in with your dirty clothes and all that. No one’s gonna want to eat those now.”
“You boil them anyway so it’s not like it matters,” Phil shot back. “Besides, it’s the end of the fucking world. I don’t think people are gonna be too picky about that kind of stuff.”
Techno’s pulled out of their debate by the sound of Niki giggling. He glances up and raises an eyebrow.
“Sorry, it’s just- you two bicker like an old married couple,” Niki tells them.
Beside her, Pac bends down and grins. “You guys have been together a while, haven’t you?”
Techno freezes. This isn’t the first time they’ve been mistaken for a couple, but it startles him every time. He glances at Phil, waiting for him to correct them like he always does, but he keeps his eyes focused on his bag instead.
Seconds tick by. The silence is getting awkward now.
“Uh, we’re not- that’s not-” Techno shakes his head to try and get the point across.
Niki’s eyes widen. “Oh, my mistake.”
Meanwhile, Pac’s eyes narrow as he looks between Techno and Phil. He considers them both for a moment as if he’s not sure whether they’re lying or not.
“Well-” Etoiles suddenly cuts in, “are we going to trade our shit or what?”
The trade goes well. Phil and Techno let go of some of their spare food for a few luxuries they usually don’t bother with—real soap, coffee beans, a needle and thread since they lost their last sewing kit—and they still have more than enough dried bird meat in their packs to last them for ages. Like with Bad’s caravan, Niki’s group invites them to camp with them for the night.
It’s only once they’re all sitting in front of the fire that Techno gets hit with an awful sense of deja vu.
He settles on one side of the campfire with Niki, while Pac and Mike sit nearby. Phil is on the opposite side with Etoiles, the two bantering back and forth about… fighting styles? Techno knows it started with the two of them discussing hand to hand combat, but he’s not sure what direction the conversation has taken since then.
Even if he can’t hear their conversation though, he still has eyes. He doesn’t miss the way Phil runs his hand up and down Etoiles’ arm, or winks at him after making some kind of joke. Etoiles isn’t nearly as flirtatious as Fit was, but Techno sees the way Etoiles leans into Phil’s space, how he hangs off of every word Phil says and banters back at him with a razor sharp grin.
Just like with Fit, Techno can’t stop focusing on what Phil and Etoiles are doing. He watches the two shift closer to each other, hands brushing on thighs and Phil blatantly checking Etoiles out with an appreciative smirk.
But there’s something different about Phil’s interactions with Etoiles compared to Fit. With Fit, Phil had kept his eyes on the other man for most of the night, only looking at Techno if he spoke or got up. This time though, Phil’s eyes constantly flicker between Etoiles and Techno. Etoiles’ arm winds around Phil’s waist at one point and Techno finds himself staring at the hand resting on Phil’s hip. When he glances up to Phil’s face, they lock eyes with each other, and Techno stiffens for a moment before turning away.
Etoiles lets out a barking laugh at something Phil said, head tilted back and arm pulling Phil in tighter. Then, there’s a hand on Techno’s arm and a soft voice in his ear.
“Have you tried telling him?”
Techno snaps his head to Niki, who looks at him as if she can read every thought going through his mind.
“Tell him what?” He tries even though deep down, he knows exactly what she’s talking about.
Niki gives him a weak smile and turns back towards the fire. “It’s kind of silly, isn’t it?” She asks, keeping her voice low enough that the others won’t be able to hear her. “The world has basically ended, we’re all only a few bad weeks away from starving to death, but we’re still too scared to be honest with each other.”
Shifting closer to Niki, Techno says, “I’m not scared.”
“Really?” Niki warms her hands over the fire. “Then why not tell him how you feel?”
“I don’t- it’s not like that,” Techno tries to argue. “There’s nothing for us to discuss.”
Niki hums in a way that makes it clear she doesn’t believe him. For some reason, Techno gets the urge to try and convince her otherwise.
“I’m serious. We’ve never been like that, and we’ve been traveling together since the start of the season. We don’t need to talk about those things. We just- I dunno, we get each other.”
“You work well together, but Phil’s not a mindreader,” Niki points out. “And I know you keep saying there’s nothing there, but you haven’t stopped staring at Phil and Etoiles all night.”
Well, good to know he sucks at being subtle.
Techno doesn’t know how to respond to that, so he doesn’t. He keeps his gaze on the fire, ignoring Phil’s laughter echoing around the camp.
“You’re not going to be able to stop thinking about it till you say something,” Niki adds after another minute. “And, if it helps, Phil won’t stop looking at you too.”
This makes Techno’s head snap up. Sure enough, Phil is staring at him again, although he turns away as soon as their eyes meet.
“I think he’s just… checking. I don’t think it means anything,” he whispers to Niki.
Niki looks doubtful. Techno focuses back on the fire.
The most likely explanation is that Phil can see that something is bothering Techno and is trying to figure out what it is. It doesn’t mean what Niki thinks it does. It can’t. If that was the case, why was Phil’s hand inching up Etoiles’ thigh? Why would he have gone to Fit’s tent that night? Why wouldn’t he have said something already?
Maybe for the same reasons you won’t say anything, an unhelpful voice in the back of his mind points out.
Techno ignores the voice. In fact, he ignores everything else going on around him for the rest of the meal. He ignores Niki’s knowing face and Phil’s piercing stares. He ignores when Mike tells Etoiles and Phil to get a room. He ignores the way Pac’s brows furrow as he glances between Techno and Phil one last time before he and Mike go back to their tent.
Niki stops trying to convince him of anything, but she gives him a sympathetic look as she retires for the night. Then, it’s only Techno, Phil, and Etoiles, and Techno knows what role he has to play now.
Just like with Fit, Techno goes to discard his food scraps and pretends not to hear Etoiles inviting Phil to spend the night with him. He avoids Phil’s eyes as he heads back to their tent, the restlessness buzzing through his limbs and making him want to do anything but lay down and go to sleep.
Still, he lays down and stares at the tent ceiling anyway. He wonders if Phil is going to come back to their tent at all, or if he’s going to go straight to Etoiles’. He isn’t sure which he’d prefer.
The sound of the tent unzipping answers Techno’s question before it can linger for too long. Phil climbs in and starts digging through his pack, but he doesn’t seem like he’s getting ready to sleep. He searches for a few minutes, taking a few sips from his canteen and shedding one of his jackets. Techno listens to the rustling fabric and Phil’s uneven breaths without saying a word, Niki’s advice repeating in his mind.
If he doesn’t say anything, he’s going to sleep horribly again, he knows it. Then tomorrow they’ll leave this group behind and Techno will have to spend the next few days pretending not to stare at the hickeys that will paint Phil’s skin. Things will be quiet between them until their normal resumes. They’ll go back to hunting and passing snippets of conversation back and forth until the next caravan they come across. And if Techno’s particularly unlucky, then this kind of night will repeat again. And again. And again.
Phil closes his pack and lets out a breath.
“I’m going to Etoiles’ tent tonight,” he says, his tone unreadable. With Fit, Techno had to tell him he didn’t mind. This time, Phil has already made his decision.
Techno said he didn’t mind with Fit, and he thought he didn’t. He’d never considered that he wanted something besides what they already had. Their dynamic is easy. They understand each other better than Techno had ever understood anyone before. He knows why Phil got kicked out of his village at the start of the season and Phil knows why Techno left long before the season even began. And knowing this doesn’t make him trust Phil any less. In fact, it does the opposite. He trusts Phil more than he’s trusted anyone in his life. That alone should be enough for him.
In the shadows of the tent, the back of Phil’s head is almost haloed by the flickering firelight outside. Techno swallows down a lump in his throat. No, it isn’t enough. He didn’t realize it until now, but he’s wanted more for quite a long time now. He just didn’t know what name to put on it.
“Wait,” Techno calls out before he can think twice.
Phil freezes, already half-outside the tent. “Yeah, mate?”
Techno clenches his jaw. “Don’t go to Etoiles’ tent tonight.”
There. The words are out there. Techno’s blood roars in his ears as Phil stares at him for an impossibly long moment, tilting his head to the side in that way that always reminds Techno of a bird.
“Why not?” Phil finally asks.
Shit. Techno doesn’t know how to respond to that.
He tries to find the words and fails. He can only stare at Phil, balling up the corner of his bedroll into his fist as he wills Phil to spontaneously learn how to read minds. It would be so much easier that way.
Phil can’t read minds but he crawls further back into the tent. The flap closes behind him, leaving them in an even darker gloom than before as he sits in front of Techno. Their knees brush and Techno still doesn’t have the words. He meets Phil’s eyes in the dark and struggles to count his breaths over the roaring in his ears.
“Why shouldn’t I go to Etoiles’ tent, Techno?” Phil asks again. His voice is different now. Lower. Sharper. There’s a challenge lining his words that Techno hasn’t heard from Phil before.
For once, the unsaid is clear to Techno. Give me a reason.
So Techno does.
The kiss isn’t so much a kiss as it is Techno accidentally smashing his face into Phil’s. He was aiming for his mouth but it’s not that easy to see in the dark, so he ends up bumping Phil’s nose before finding his lips. Even after finding each other, the kiss isn’t anything romantic. It’s harsh and clumsy and his teeth hurt where they clack against Phil’s.
The reality hits him all at once. He’s kissing Phil. Phil, who feels frozen against him. Phil, who isn’t doing anything in response. It’s like an ice cold bucket of water being dumped over his head, and Techno yanks himself back as a panicked chorus begins to scream in his mind.
He shouldn’t have done that. What the hell was he thinking? A supervolcano erupts and you find a good thing with a survival buddy, only to throw it all away because he got laid by someone else. Great thinking, Techno. He can already picture how awkward it’s going to be splitting up their belongings in the morning. It’ll be like the asset split during a divorce except instead of arguing over who gets the house, Techno’s going to have to make his case for keeping a can of damn beans.
Phil is staring at him again. His eyes are wide and his lips are slightly parted in a surprised oh. Techno wonders if he should say something, or if he should cut his losses and leave the tent entirely. He can sleep on the ground tonight. He’s done it before.
But then, Phil grins.
“Oh thank fuck,” Phil breathes.
Then, before Techno can really register what Phil means by that, he’s surging forward to kiss Techno again.
With Phil in control, the kiss goes much smoother. There’s pressure against Techno’s lips but there’s no clacking of teeth or nose bumping. Phil brings a hand up to cup Techno’s cheek and Techno finds himself leaning closer, mimicking Phil’s movements as warmth begins to coil in his gut.
It’s been a few years since Techno’s kissed anyone but he doesn’t remember it being like this. The restlessness that had been burning inside of him sparks into something far more eager. They’re only kissing for a few moments before Phil’s legs brush against his own and Techno suddenly remembers his hands exist. He uses them to grab Phil’s hips and pulls him onto his lap. Phil makes a surprised noise against his mouth before twisting his fingers into Techno’s hair.
All of Techno’s anxieties fade into the background as the reality settles like the weight on his legs. A hunger he didn’t even realize was there is finally being satiated. It took him a while to see it, but this is what he’s been waiting for. This is something he’s been craving for far too long.
They’re so wrapped up in one another, Techno isn’t sure where he ends and Phil begins. And somehow it feels… right. Like this is how things are supposed to be.
Suddenly, Techno has an idea. He pulls away from Phil’s lips and Phil makes an annoyed sound. But then his lips latch onto Phil’s neck and Phil gasps in a way that makes the warmth in his gut grow even stronger.
“So I wasn’t-” Phil’s breathing hitches when Techno lightly nips at his throat, “I wasn’t imagining you being pissed off when you saw the hickeys Fit gave me?”
Techno pulls away from Phil’s throat for just a moment to say, “You don’t know how relieved I was when those things faded.”
Phil laughs, tilting his head back to give Techno more access as he goes back to work. Minutes start to blend together as hands roam over fabric, until Phil’s fingers find their way under Techno’s shirt.
Clothes are soon discarded. The campfire burns low until eventually, all that’s left is a pile of glowing coals.
The next morning, Techno wakes up with aching muscles and a warm weight on his chest. His eyes blink open to the tent ceiling and doesn’t bother to look back down as he feels fingers trace mindless patterns across his skin.
“You awake?” Phil asks quietly.
Techno grunts an affirmation and Phil snorts.
“Always a morning person,” he teases.
Silence falls for another few minutes. Techno wakes up slowly, running a hand up and down Phil’s back until Phil shifts against him. He drops his arm and lets Phil readjust, more weight pressing down on him as he opens his eyes again to see Phil staring down at him.
“I gotta admit,” Phil begins, “you really know how to keep a guy waiting.”
It takes Techno’s sleep-addled mind a moment to process what Phil means. Then, he frowns. “You’ve been waiting?”
Phil huffs. “For fucking years now.”
Techno’s frown deepens. “Why didn’t you say anything?”
“I figured you weren’t into that stuff,” Phil shrugs, laying down again so he can use Techno’s chest as a pillow. “Which I was fine with. I liked what we had and was fine with leaving it as it was. But then Fit happened and you started acting strange.”
“I thought I wasn’t really into this stuff either,” Techno explains, focusing on the ceiling again. “It’s different with you though.”
Phil laughs. “Well, I’m happy to be an exception to the rule.”
Outside the tent, they hear footsteps as the others begin waking up for the day. Techno can hear Pac say something to Niki, but can’t make out the words. Then, Etoiles’ voice rings out, exclaiming something about breakfast and Phil snickers to himself.
“What?” Techno asks.
“Oh, well-” Phil shifts to rest his chin on Techno’s chest, “I just realized you kind of cockblocked Etoiles.”
Techno groans. “Don’t say that. I’m already dreading breakfast.”
“Well, don’t worry too much. It’s more my fault than yours anyway. I’m the one who led him on,” Phil tells him.
At this, Techno’s brows furrow. He thinks back to the way Phil’s gaze kept darting between him and Etoiles the night before, almost as if he was waiting for Techno to react. Like he wanted a reaction.
“Wait, Phil, were you hitting on Etoiles to make me jealous?”
Phil snorts. “Well, I wouldn’t put it that way. It was more like an experiment. I wasn’t sure if you had actually acted weird about Fit or if I was imagining it. So, I dunno, I saw Etoiles and figured I could try and see if it was just wishful thinking on my end or if there was actually something going on with you.” He leans up to press a kiss to Techno’s jaw. “Don’t get me wrong, I think he’s hot and would’ve gone to his tent if you didn’t stop me. I was just… laying it on a bit thick.”
“Thanks a lot, Phil. I had to get a pep talk from Niki because of that,” Techno huffs.
“Well it seems like you needed the help,” Phil teases. “I’ll have to give Niki my thanks for that.”
“Please don’t,” Techno groans, pressing the heels of his hands into his eyes. “These tent walls are already way too thin.”
“No one cares, mate,” Phil reassures him. “Besides, after we head out we’re probably never gonna see these guys again.”
Well, as embarrassing as it is, Techno thinks he wouldn’t mind running into Niki again. But even if she was right, he’s really not looking forward to seeing an ‘I told you so’ smile this morning. The idea of getting out of the camp as quickly as possible sounds very appealing to Techno right now.
“Where do you think we should head next?” Techno asks.
“Not sure. Guess we’ll have to see which way the wind is blowing,” Phil tells him. “Doesn’t really matter to me, y’know? We’ll figure something out.”
Techno grins.
“Yeah, we’ll figure it out.”