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“How did I get here?” Alcryst mumbled.
Diamant looked up from his water bottle. “We drove here on Valentia Drive because there was construction on Archanea, remember?”
“No, no, no. I meant-” Alcryst gestured to the room around them. “How did I get here?”
In the bright studio lights and the white backdrops that blanketed the walls, Diamant looked even more brilliant than usual as he smiled. “Because you’re a capable model.”
“How can you say that? I’ve only been in one magazine.”
“Yes, and your shots were wonderful.”
“But still, I’ve only done it once! For all you know, that was just luck, and I’ll be hopelessly inept this time.”
“And for all you know, you could impress them so much that they ask you to model for Divine Dragon Apparel full-time.”
“Me? No, if there’s anyone they’d ask to be their full-time model, it’s you, Diamant!”
“Flattery will get you nowhere. Be serious. Do you really think I’d recommend you for today’s shoot if I wasn’t confident you could handle it?”
“Yes,” said Alcryst. “Because you’re my brother, and you’re supposed to say things like that, because you love me. That doesn’t mean they’re true.”
“Enough. How many times have I told you not to talk like that?”
Alcryst’s stomach churned with guilt, but not surprise. It wasn’t news to him that he was a disappointment. Letting his brother down was something he did on a daily basis.
“I’m sorry,” he said, but at the same time, someone called out overtop him.
“Diamant! My man!”
A second later, an incomprehensibly attractive blond man ran up to Diamant and slapped him on the back so hard that Alcryst jumped.
“What’s good, what’s good?” The man beamed, his smile almost as blinding as his lily-white suit. “Can I just say, you’re killing it in those glasses!”
Diamant pushed up his spectacles like an anime villain. How his lungs weren’t in orbit after that slap on the back, Alcryst had no idea. “Agree to disagree, I’m afraid. I’m already missing my contacts.”
“You’re Team Contact Lenses? Boooo. Back me up, Alcryst!”
Alcryst jumped again. “How do you know my name?”
“’Cause your brother never shuts up about you, the softie.” The man stuck out his hand with a grin. “I’m Alfred! Can’t wait to work with you today.”
Relieved not to be pounded on the back, Alcryst gratefully accepted the handshake before Alfred could change his mind. “It’s very nice to meet you. I’ve seen you on posters before. For, um, perfume, and…” He let his sentence die when he realized he had no idea where it was going.
“Always nice to meet a fan. Especially one who’s so toned!”
“What?”
Alfred pinched Alcryst’s arm like a well-meaning but overbearing auntie. “Let me guess. You do archery?”
“How did you-”
“Your triceps are a dead giveaway! Super well-developed for a guy your size.” Alfred’s arm snaked around Alcryst’s back. “And your lats – beautiful!”
Alarm bells went off in Alcryst’s head. His binder. He twisted, panicking. His binder, Alfred was going to feel it and-
“ALFRED!”
A girl around Alcryst’s age stormed towards them, sporting a black suitjacket and the thickest, fluffiest waterfall of golden hair Alcryst had ever seen. Not even the ferocious scowl she was wearing could temper her perfect features.
“What in the world are you doing?” She yanked Alfred backwards. “I’ve told you a thousand times to stop greeting the new models like that!”
“Oh, hey, Céline.”
“Don’t you ‘hey Céline’ me! Were you raised in a barn? You’re a professional – act like it!”
“All right, sheesh. Watch the cufflinks, will ya?”
With a haughty sniff, Céline released him and turned to Alcryst. “I’m so sorry about my brother. Please don’t pay him any mind.”
“Um,” said Alcryst. The heat of her anger, even though it wasn’t directed at him, made him feel like a wilting plant.
“My name is Céline. And you are?”
“Alcryst! I’m Alcryst. I’m, um, I’m the model who isn’t Diamant…”
“Now what kind of greeting is that?” He heard Diamant sigh beside him, and his stomach twisted into yet another knot. “Céline, this is my brother, Alcryst. He’s the substitute model for today’s shoot.”
Alcryst’s cheeks burned blazing hot. Here he was, surrounded by potential colleagues and friends, and he was so incompetent that Diamant had to introduce him to everyone like a child. The mildly concerned looks on Céline and Alfred’s faces were proof enough that they hated him and never wanted to work with him ever again-
“Oh!” Alfred peered around Diamant’s broad shoulders. “Look alive, folks! Alear’s here!”
There was a sparkling laugh from behind them. “Please. You’re making me sound like some sort of deity.”
Bracing himself for another disastrous social interaction, Alcryst reluctantly turned around.
His heart froze in his chest.
Striding towards them in a three-piece suit was the most beautiful person Alcryst had ever seen. Their smile was brighter than all of the spotlights in the room, their eyes could rival the warmth of Diamant’s tightest bear hugs, and their hair… Their hair!
Half bold, blazing red, and half bright, brilliant blue. Alcryst was starstruck. He’d thought the makeup artist from a few minutes ago, Rosado, had the most gorgeous hair he’d ever seen. But this… this…
Alear’s hair made him think about Pepsi. Alcryst liked Pepsi. And it made him think about Sonic the Hedgehog. Alcryst liked Sonic the Hedgehog, even though his Sonic phase ended years ago, and the only reason he begged Diamant to drive him to GameStop on the launch day of Sonic Frontiers was because it was a good game, according to the review scores Alcryst just happened to have memorized, and-
“You must be Alcryst, right? It’s a pleasure to meet you.”
Alear was in front of him. And not only was Alear in front of him, but they were talking, and not only were they talking, but they were talking to him, and not only were they talking to him, but they were talking to him with a smile-
Diamant elbowed him, jumpstarting Alcryst’s lungs.
“H-Hello!” His voice cracked on the last syllable. He wanted to get hit by a bus and die. No, his therapist Pandreo said he should try to avoid those sorts of thought patterns. He wanted to get hit by a bus and not die. There, that was better.
“I’m so happy you agreed to be our substitute model today. And on such short notice, too! You really saved us.”
Alear was happy? With him? Alcryst’s mouth was so dry he could barely talk. “Oh… It was… It was nothing, Mx…”
“Please, call me Alear. I’m DDA’s director, but I’ll also be doing a couple shots with you. Though I’m sure you’ll outshine me.”
“Yes! I mean, no! I couldn’t possibly! That is, I- Your smile-”
“What about my smile?”
“It’s radiant! So radiant and wonderful! My miserable grimace could never compare!”
“That’s very kind, but…” Alear’s expression softened. “You shouldn’t say that about yourself. Why don’t we reserve judgement until after the photoshoot’s done?”
Alcryst’s heart fell into his stomach with a splash. What was he even saying? Now Alear probably thought he was fishing for compliments. He was the stupidest person alive.
“I’m sorry,” he mumbled, but Alear was already turning away. Of course they were. None of this was new. People always wore those same baffled, put-off expressions when he spoke. He was used to it.
Though that didn’t make it hurt any less.
“Okay, everyone!” Alear clapped their hands. “Let’s get started! Clanne and Framme are running a bit late, but I can work the cameras in the meantime. Let’s do a couple test shots first.”
“I can help,” said Diamant, stepping forward. “And so can Alcryst.”
Alcryst flinched, startled. “M-Me?”
“Sure. We’ll be doing plenty of shots in pairs this afternoon, so let’s get warmed up.”
Oh, no. Alcryst didn’t think he’d have to get in front of the camera so soon. He gulped, balling his sweaty hands into fists.
“I can go if you want!” Alfred volunteered.
“You’ll be hogging the cameras enough as it is,” came Céline’s terse reply. “Alcryst has the least modelling experience, so he should get some extra practice.”
She was right. He was the most useless person in the group by far. Why hadn’t they kicked him out of the studio yet?
“Alcryst,” said Diamant, a little firmer. “Let’s not waste time. Stand over here, please.”
And that small shift in his brother’s tone – that single note of exasperation – was the final straw. Alcryst shut his eyes, summoned his voice, and blurted out the first plausible excuse he could think of.
“I-” He couldn’t stop the words from trembling. “I have to go to the bathroom!”
With his face burning and his throat tight, he whirled around and bolted for the nearest door.
Diamant called after him, but he refused to listen. His dress shoes pounded like hammers on the tile floor as he sprinted into the washrooms. He flung himself into the first stall and fumbled with the sliding lock. It was warped and didn’t want to work, but he jammed it in until it stuck.
Then he collapsed onto the toilet seat and tried not to cry.
He failed.
Wrapping his arms around his torso, he held himself close. He curled into a ball, balancing carefully on the toilet’s closed lid. He attempted to sniffle as quietly as possible. To take up as little space as possible.
He knew this photoshoot was a terrible idea. He knew he didn’t belong here. He knew his brain would find some way to sabotage him, as it always did. He wished he even knew why he was so sad, but he just was.
Between gulps, he took out his phone. He'd looked up the bus routes in advance, just in case. The number-4 bus was stopping at the corner of Elibe and Thracia in six minutes. Diamant would be upset at him for going home, but Diamant was upset at him already, so what difference did it make?
He closed his eyes and took a slow, deep breath. He pictured a circle gradually expanding and contracting, like Pandreo had taught him. Bit by bit, his heart stopped racing around and settled into his chest where it belonged.
“Alcryst?”
His heart rocketed straight back up into his throat.
That wasn’t his brother’s voice. It was lighter, the worry more blatant. Alear. Oh no, oh no, oh no. Alcryst scrambled to hide himself, lifting his legs all the way off the floor.
“I'm sorry if I startled you. I just came to check in.” Footsteps approached, along with the scent of shoe polish. A pair of spotless loafers came to a stop in front of Alcryst’s stall. “Are you all right?”
The thought of responding was terrifying. But the thought of ignoring someone as important as the director of DDA was even more terrifying. He gathered his last remaining drop of courage. “I’m okay. I’m sorry-”
“Don’t be. I understand. Do you need me to call someone?”
“Like, um, like medical help?”
“Sure. Or I could go get your brother.”
“No, thank you. It’s… I don’t want to bother anyone.”
“Okay.”
Alcryst blinked. Okay? Alear wasn’t going to tell him he was being stupid and irrational? They just said… okay?
“Can I grab you some water? Or soda?”
He was being a massive inconvenience. He was taking up their precious time. He was horrible. All of those things were true. And yet, the idea of spurning their kindness made Alcryst's stomach churn even more violently.
He wiped his eyes on the cuff of his sleeve. “Yes, please. Um, Pepsi, please?”
“One Pepsi, coming right up.” The shoes outside his bathroom stall paced out of sight. “There’s tissues on the counter if you need them.”
“Okay.”
As Alear’s steps briefly exited into the hallway, Alcryst did his best to compose himself. He swallowed the mucus lingering in his throat and carefully touched his damp cheeks. Thankfully, his makeup hadn’t budged an inch; Rosado really was an expert.
He felt a tiny flutter of bravery. Just enough to unlock the stall door and crack it open an inch.
A few moments later, Alear opened it the rest of the way. They smiled down at him in their three-piece suit, looking like the CEO of Pepsi as they passed him the can.
“Thank you.” Alcryst gripped it tightly. The condensation on the metal was cool and soothing. “I promise I’ll pay you back.”
“Don’t worry about it. And take your time. Clanne and Framme only just arrived, and they wanted to shuffle around some of the lighting equipment.”
From several rooms away, there was a loud thud, followed by muffled shouting.
“Um,” said Alcryst. “Should we go check on them?”
“I didn’t hear any smashing glass, so it’s probably fine.” Alear flicked a strand of red-and-blue out of their eyes. “Lightbulbs are replaceable. Our models, on the other hand…”
Fresh guilt gnawed at Alcryst’s stomach lining. “I’m sorry, I really am-”
“It's fine! Completely fine. I’m not upset. You don’t have to explain yourself to me.”
They were right. Dumping your emotions all over someone you’d just met was not a sensible thing to do. But right now, Alcryst’s senses were spinning like clothes in a too-small washing machine.
“I know the real reason Diamant signed me up for this shoot,” he said.
Alear tilted their head, listening patiently.
“The only other shoot I’ve done was for a collab between OBORO and Forrest of Nohr. I have this friend, Takumi, and – and he happens to be good friends with one of the designers, so that’s how I got the job.” Alcryst swallowed, knowing he was rambling but feeling unable to stop. “They asked me to model their new alt fashion line. I really like alt fashion. Punk especially, but also scene and grunge and… oh, everything, really.”
Alear smiled. “You must have been thrilled to model your favorite styles.”
“I was. I couldn’t stop smiling for the next week. And I guess Diamant noticed, because, well, now I’m here.” Alcryst fidgeted with the cuff of his sleeve. “And it’s not that I’m not grateful, but…”
“Modelling formalwear is pretty different from modelling alt fashion, right?”
Alcryst nodded. “Diamant must have thought wearing a suit would make me feel… manly? I don’t know. That’s what I’m supposed to be feeling, I think. But I just feel even more like… like-”
He was dangerously close to confessing something he shouldn’t. He looked down, tracing the tiles with his black loafers. The scent of suede made him want to claw his nose off his face.
“Who cares what you’re ‘supposed’ to be feeling?”
Alcryst would have been less caught off-guard if Alear hit him upside the head with a brick. “What? I mean, pardon?”
“Sorry, that came out kind of blunt.” Alear gently leaned against the doorframe. “But I understand how you feel. People have plenty of ideas about what the heir to Divine Dragon Apparel is ‘supposed’ to feel and wear and act.”
“They do? I’m sorry. That sounds upsetting to deal with.”
“It used to be. But not anymore. Because at the end of the day, the only person who gets the final say is me. If I’m happy, why listen to what other people think?”
Alcryst stared at the can of Pepsi in his hands. “And what if you’re not happy?”
Alear smiled down at him – no, that wasn’t quite right. Unlike so many people who smiled at Alcryst, their expression wasn’t pitying or patronizing. It was more like they smiled forward at him. As if, somehow, the two of them were on the same level.
“Last time I checked,” they said, “it’s not legal to fire a model because they’re sad.”
Despite everything, Alcryst felt himself smiling a tiny bit. “That’s a relief.”
“And even if it was, that’s not how DDA operates.” Alear took a step closer. “Our clothes are for everyone. That was the idea behind today’s shoot: to show that anyone can look good in our formalwear.”
“Even me?”
“Even you. Personally, I think you look amazing.”
Alcryst couldn’t believe his ears. “R-Really?”
“Absolutely. But it doesn’t matter what I think, does it? What do you think?”
“I think-” Alcryst took a deep breath, mostly to remind himself how breathing worked. “I think this kind of clothing isn’t for me.”
“All right.”
All right?
Alear extended their hand, their smile steadfast. “In that case, I have an idea.”
***
Alfred dashed for the door the second it swung open. “It's them! Hey, you two-”
“There you are!” Céline stormed towards them. “We’re almost an hour behind schedule-”
“Alcryst,” said Diamant, hot on their heels, “what happened? Are you all right-”
All their sentences stopped at the same time as their stares fell upon Alcryst.
A familiar flare of fear filled him, and he ducked his head. The thick black choker around his neck jingled with the movement. The silver chains glittered. As he thought: this look was far too ostentatious for someone like him. He could see the bafflement in their eyes, bafflement that would surely shift into mockery. Maybe if he sprinted, he could still catch the next number-4 bus-
“Whoa!” There was a squeal from across the room. Two young-looking people, clearly siblings, raced over from the camera equipment – a girl in pink, and a boy in green.
The girl jumped up and down, braid swinging like a whip. “It’s, like, formalwear but also streetwear? That’s so cool! You didn’t tell me the new guy was gonna wear that!”
“That’s way different from what I have in my notes,” said the boy in green. “Did Vander sign off on it?”
By Alcryst’s side, Alear grinned. “Nope.”
The boy’s jaw dropped. “You can’t just not tell Vander you’ve changed one of the outfits at the last minute! He’ll kill us all!”
“I’ll take the blame if it comes to that. But something tells me he won’t object once he sees the final prints. Right, Alcryst?”
“Right. Um, I hope so…”
Diamant spoke up. “I must say, I’ve never seen a hoodie and a suit jacket worn together.”
“Does it look bad?”
“If I were the one wearing it, perhaps.” Diamant smiled. “But on you, Alcryst? It’s a fantastic ensemble.”
“Not just anyone can work a combination like that, you know!” Alfred chimed in. “Right, Céline?”
Even Céline nodded her approval. “It looks very natural on you.”
Alcryst felt almost dizzy from the warm, abundant praise. He stared down at his shoes, warm all over. The white, thick-soled sneakers looked like something Sonic might wear while competing in the Olympic Games with Mario. Alcryst liked them.
“Hey, Alcryst.” There was a gentle tap on his shoulder. Red and blue filled his vision when he looked up. “Ready to start shooting?”
Alear’s touch sent a tingly sensation through Alcryst’s veins, like he’d stuck his finger in an electrical outlet. But in a good way. Yes, Alcryst was ready. Alcryst was ready to jump out of a plane if Alear asked him to in that tone of voice.
He nodded, looking from Alear to the others. “I’m ready. I’m sorry for making you wait.”
“All good!” The girl in pink clapped her hands. “Clanne, you take Alfred, Céline, and Di to start. Alear, new guy, you’re with me!”
“Thanks, Framme.” Alear started walking, leaving Alcryst staring after them in awe. Walking. How did walking work again? He was finding it hard to recall.
He must have figured it out, though, because suddenly he was sitting in front of a backdrop, surrounded by bright lights, and Alear was sitting beside him.
“Okay, team!” A voice echoed from somewhere far away. Who was that? God? No, it was the girl in pink – Framme – hidden behind her forest of camera equipment. “Don’t move a muscle! Alcryst, can you tilt your chin up a couple notches?”
Alcryst nervously complied.
“Higher!”
Alcryst stretched some more, feeling like a giraffe.
“Perfect! Alear, can you bend your knee a tiny bit more? Just a hair!”
“Sure thing.” Alear’s leg shifted beside him, and the next thing Alcryst knew, their knees were touching.
Their knees. Were touching.
He gulped, every muscle in his body stiffening. He opened his mouth, but Alear’s eyes flitted over to him, which only made the words stick in his throat even more.
“How do you feel?” Despite being contorted into a perfectly micromanaged pose, Alear looked utterly at home. “It’s warm in here, huh?”
Alcryst wanted to nod, but then Framme would have to adjust the position of his head again, and he didn’t want to cause her even more trouble, so he just blinked at Alear in fright.
“We should all grab some ice cream after this, don’t you think? There’s a great place just a couple blocks away.”
“Um, I- I’d really like to, but Diamant is lactose intolerant, so…”
“Is he? That’s a shame. Then let’s take a raincheck until the next time you’re modeling here, okay?”
Alcryst did a double take. “Next time?”
“Sure! We’ve got a new line in the works. Not to spoil anything, but we’re going to need models who know their way around alt fashion.”
Alcryst’s breath caught. He beamed. “Oh! I’d love to help! If you’ll have me, that is-”
There was a flash like lightning, and for an instant, the world went white.
“Whoops!” Framme waved an apologetic arm. “Sorry, pressed the wrong button! Aww, but this picture turned out super cute! You two look just like a couple!”
All of Alcryst’s organs shut down simultaneously. “A… A w-what?”
Alear chuckled. “Framme, you’re embarrassing him. Be nice.”
“Fine, fine! But you’d better keep giving me smiles like that one, new guy. And bring that chin up! I’m not telling you again!”
Alcryst jolted upright. “Yes, ma’am!”
“No, that’s too high! Bring it down!”
“Sorry, ma’am!”
That was how the next hour passed: camera shutters and flashes, shouted demands and reprimands from Framme, and quiet smiles and praises from Alear. Alcryst wasn’t good at much, but one thing he was great at was following instructions. He moved his body into pose after uncomfortable pose, and thought about Diamant when it was time to smile, and thought about the people who bullied him at school when it was time to frown, and thought about Alear the rest of the time, and before he knew it, the last group shot was finished and Alfred was helping him to his feet.
“Great hustle, Al!” His grip was so firm Alcryst could hear his bones cracking.
“Ow. I mean, um, thank you for modelling with me.”
“Of course! I had a great time! Diamant was right, you’re a natural. With a bit more practice in front of the camera, you’ll go far.”
There was that dizzy, happy feeling again. Alcryst blushed hotly. “You’re much, much too kind…”
“And here’s the part where I say ‘I told you so.’” Diamant approached from behind, giving Alcryst’s hair a ruffle. “You were wonderful out there. You’re going to start taking all my modelling gigs pretty soon.”
“I would never! I’d never forgive myself if I put you out of work!”
“It was a joke, Alcryst. Are you ready to go?”
“Almost.” Alcryst glanced around the room, searching for that familiar shock of red-and-blue hair. He spotted them by the computer monitors, and before he could lose his nerve, he strode over.
Alear looked up from the keyboard. “Alcryst! Hello again.”
“Hello…” Alcryst shuffled his feet. “I’m sorry to bother you, but I just wanted to say thank you for all your help today. I really enjoyed working with you.”
“The pleasure’s all mine.” Alear pointed to the monitor. “We got a lot of great shots today. Like this one!”
Alcryst peered over their shoulder, tracking down the picture in question. There he was, on the computer screen – and there was Alear next to him, sitting so close their knees were touching. And there was Alear’s smile.
And there was Alcryst’s smile.
Looking at that picture was like looking at his parents’ old wedding photographs. Seeing himself grinning, with teeth and everything, sparked a similar emotion to seeing his father clean-shaven and his mother with no wrinkles. It was strange to know there were versions of his parents who weren’t his parents at all. It was strange to know there was a version of himself who was happy.
And yet, there he was, captured by a camera forever: a happy Alcryst.
“Ah, I almost forgot.” Alear picked up something from the desk and passed it to him. “Here’s your Pepsi from earlier. It might be a little flat, but I hope it’s still drinkable.”
His Pepsi! The most precious gift he’d ever received in all his years of existence. Alcryst cradled the can close to his chest. “Thank you. I’ll treasure it!”
Alear giggled. “You don’t have to go that far, but I appreciate the thought. Have a safe drive home, okay?”
“Thank you. You too! And thank you, again, and, um, goodbye. Thank you!”
Kicking himself for stammering, Alcryst stumbled away before he could screw up even more. Diamant was waiting for him by the door.
“Did Alear buy that for you?” he said, nodding to the can of Pepsi.
“Yes, they did. It helped calm me down earlier.”
“I see. That was kind of them.”
“It was. I like Pepsi.”
“I know.”
“It makes me think about Sonic.”
“I know.” Diamant squinted. “What’s that black writing, though?”
“Black writing?”
“On the side of the can. It looks like a string of numbers. Did you write that?”
“No…” Alcryst rotated the can to see. Sure enough, scrawled on the side in black marker was a series of numbers, with dashes in between. It almost looked like…
Like…
Alcryst nearly dropped the can on his foot. “Oh my god.”
“What is it?”
“Oh my god, oh my god.”
“Alcryst?” Diamant peered at the numbers. “That’s not someone’s phone number, is it?”
Clinging to the precious can with shaking hands, Alcryst looked over his shoulder at the room they just exited. He swallowed hard enough for it to hurt. “Diamant?”
“Yes?”
“I’m bi.”
Diamant blinked, his lips parting in hesitation. “I… I know, Alcryst.”
“No, no-” Alcryst waved his hand in frantic circles. “I’m really, really bi.”
“Oh?” Diamant looked back in the direction of Alcryst’s wild gestures. And then- “Oh.” And then, a positively wicked smile. “Oh.”
Alcryst felt his face growing sunburn-hot. “Don’t tease me.”
“Who’s teasing? I didn’t say a single word.”
“You’re smiling. I can see you smiling.”
“Is that a crime? Maybe I’m smiling for reasons unrelated to your love life.”
“What?! It’s not like that at all! Alear– They– They probably didn’t mean-”
“So that’s Alear’s number? Good to know.”
Alcryst tugged down the hood of his hoodie, burying his face in the fabric. “Stooooop.”
Diamant just laughed. “All right, come back. Don’t hide.” He strolled into the hallway, but not before tossing one last jab over his shoulder. “Just let me know when the wedding is.”
Alcryst wanted to die. No, no, he couldn’t think those kinds of thoughts anymore. He wanted to die and then come back to life. There. Pandreo would be satisfied with that, surely.
But to tell the truth, as he indignantly followed Diamant towards the changerooms, for the first time in a while he didn’t want to die at all.
He took a sip of flat, lukewarm Pepsi. It was divine.