Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Finals week came and went, just like the last few weeks spent studying for it.

Liz couldn’t be more thankful it’s over, it’s like she has barely spoken to anyone because Gaeul has been spending five hours a day in the library while Rei has her headphones on every time she sees her home, they study parallel each other and only speak when they’re eating before reverting back to their own separate worlds.

Turns out it wasn’t hard not thinking about what happened, the stress over exams overshadowed her personal issues and at the same time, her and Yujin’s conversations over text and calls had been less frequent due to it.

An overthinker, that’s what she is. Forgetting about Wonyoung is surprisingly easy and it’s not like it’s something she hasn’t done before.

She and Yujin had talked about their overly ambitious plans before finals started, and it seems like nothing of it is coming to fruition because her dad demanded for her to come home for the holidays – she did not come home for winter break last year and ended up disheartening the poor man. Liz applied for seasonal hiring back then and stayed in Seoul working a retail job instead, which is something that has been of benefit for both herself (she still got allowance from her parents, and the extra income helped her get a new phone) and Rei, who did not fly back to Japan, otherwise it would’ve been lonely for her.

Her family has seen her enough during summer anyway.

Now that Rei is coming back to her home country this time, Liz didn’t protest further when her father called her to come home as soon as possible on her last day of finals.

“I really wanna come up with something special but my brain is all dried up from exams, so I’m asking you what kind of gift you want instead.” Yujin says as she browses on the aisles of the shop.

They have just gone to the movies, now they’re in the store they randomly found that only sells everything penguin, from penguin keyrings to giant penguin plushies and Yujin seems to be too amused by all of it that they have been in the shop for the past six minutes.

“You don’t have to get me anything, we won’t even be together for Christmas anyway.”

She turns to look at Liz in disbelief. “Are you really passing up on gifts?”

“No, I only said it so you can think of something good to surprise me with when I think you’re not getting me one.” Liz giggles when Yujin uses a small penguin plushie to playfully hit her with.

After five more minutes of walking around the store, they ended up buying stuffed penguins for each other.

Yujin gives her one wearing a Santa hat and Liz gives her one that’s wearing cute little earmuffs.

They both return to her dorm and have one last heated make out session that was impolitely interrupted by Gaeul who came barging in.

“I’m genuinely offended on Rei's behalf that you two decided to do that on her bed.”

Only Rei has a lower bunk, Yujin has this irrational fear of crashing Liz’s loft bed down if they both get on it.

“It’s innocent!” Yujin yells at Gaeul. “Not a single boob was touched!”

-

“Do you really need to pack this much? You’re going home, I’m sure you have more clothes there.” Gaeul frustratedly folds up yet another t-shirt.

“I’m bringing the shitty ones back home and forcing my mom to buy me new everyday clothes, I cant be going around here looking crazy,” Liz zips up one of the two duffel bags, “a group of guys laughed behind my back one time and turns out there were holes on the back of my shirt I looked like I’ve been mauled.”

They both ended up helping Liz pack and carry her bags down.

Thankfully Gaeul came along to the station because the train doors almost closed on Liz when Yujin hugged her for too long and she managed to pry them apart from each other.

Luck hasn’t been on Liz's side lately, even in the festive atmosphere of the holidays under all the Christmas decorations her mother has put around the house.

She had approximately two days of lounging around. Her long since awaited rest and consecutive, worry-free days of leisure has been plucked away from her hands when her parents told her that their extended relatives are coming over for dinner. Basically, they’re hosting a whole party the next day and her brother cheated his way out of it when he left early in the morning after declaring he will be spending the whole day over at his friend’s.

“How hard is it to follow me around and carry plastic bags?” Her mother asks, annoyed when she still refused to move from the couch.

“Very.” The pout never left her lips up until they reached her mom’s minivan.

“I wouldn’t be against you dating, but please put your studies first.”

A text from Yujin prompted the sudden comment. Liz puts her phone down.

“I’m not dating anyone.” It’s true, technically. She just matched with Yujin on a dating app and they have just been hanging out as friends who kind of like each other and who kiss sometimes.

“He better be decent, you know some university boys are danger.” Oh please.

Liz lets out a frustrated groan. “I already told you I’m not dating…”

She knows her mom enough for her to successfully change the topic to what they’re going to prepare for the gathering, and it did its job on distracting her away from asking questions about her life back in school.

They don’t even make it to three minutes of silence before her mom opens her mouth again.

“You know, you should learn driving soon.” Liz’s arms are crossed, she’s been barely replying as they near their destination, hoping her mom would realize that she’s not in the mood to talk anymore and because she has been taking in the scenery out the window, fascinated by the views in her hometown like she hasn’t seen the same places every day for eighteen years straight.

“I’m too busy to even think about learning how to drive,” she pries her eyes away from the window and pulls down the sun visor to fix herself on the mirror, I really need a new hair color soon, “and I feel like I’d be a danger to society anyways.”

“That I won’t disagree on.” Her mom says as they pull over at the wholesale grocery store.

Some time after she got tired of waiting for her mom to pick an eggplant from the bunch that pretty much all looked the exact same, Liz pulled apart from her to look at the snack section instead.

Her jar of cashew nuts has been running out and her goal is to find the same large jar among the tall shelves of the store (she has been inhumanly obsessed with eating cashews ever since she got back home that she herself has been concerned about how much cashews it would take to be considered unhealthy… but she can’t stop).

It’s one of the rare times she’s ever been truly alone, this section of the store isn’t the busiest and the spacious, gray concrete floors are bordering on eerie. 

Ever since she got back her brother has been pestering her every few hours. Liz is pretty sure he missed her a lot but he would never say it out loud, they have never been that kind of siblings. Her parents also barely left her alone by herself, her dad cooks her breakfast and dinner and he will never stop knocking on her door until she opens up to go downstairs to eat on time, so she got annoyed and never closed her door again.

Her mom is no different, she stays at home with her and drags Liz downstairs for them to watch dramas together in the living room. 

Liz is not ungrateful, really, but there’d be times when she really would not be in the mood to snack on some fruits her mother cuts up for her and brings in her room from time to time, but she really can’t say anything about it, they just missed her (she would much rather hole up in her room and eat away on the big jar of cashews she keeps on her bedside table).

When they finally left her alone and she had her door locked close in peace last night, Yujin happened to call just in time telling Liz she’s finally back home. They barely spoke except for some short anecdotes about what went on in the three days they’ve been apart, and there really isn’t much to speak about in general so she just watched the girl unpack and eat dinner on her screen while she lays in bed. 

do you care about azzo be honest

Also, she has been sending Liz pictures of her dog nonstop and she finds it too endearing to even be annoyed. She smiles at the text and sends a heart reaction on the picture of her pet attached.

no i only care abt the owner

how about u send me a pic of you instead :( 

Soon enough, Yujin sends a selfie, she’s laying on the couch with her glasses on, which is a rare occurrence.

Liz almost trips on the produce section as she types on her phone, only keeping her balance by planting her palm on the mandarin oranges displayed. Okay, no one saw that.

“God, you’ve always been such a klutz.”

What the fuck?

There she is, Jang Wonyoung, standing tall, pushing a cart full of various types of meat.

She almost peed herself like she saw a ghost. 

This is the most casual she has seen her (she still managed to put on a decent attire just to go out for breakfast last time, with accessories and all). It must be the cold, but her baggy, plaid pajama pants are very mismatched from her hoodie and her cap. Seems like she just threw whatever on, something Liz isn't even aware she could do.

Wonyoung is holding back a grin but it’s obvious that seeing Liz trip over and hold onto fruits to keep herself from falling is so funny to her. She goes over beside her and inspects some oranges herself as Liz recovers her posture back.

“What the hell are you doing here?”

“I live here too, hello?”

“There’s like fifty grocery stores in this town alone.” That's a lie, there's maybe like eight, and that's already being generous.

“This is where all the moms go for holiday shopping.” She isn’t wrong, Wonyoung is the first young adult she has seen in this store with the exception of some of the staff she is sure are still in highschool. She puts a few oranges on her cart before pointing to the direction behind Liz. 

She sees her mom turn the aisle and it reveals Wonyoung’s mom, with a push cart of her own beside her, and they’re with another old lady Liz remembers from her childhood. They’re all just talking and barely shopping together. It’s not a big town, and no, there really aren't like fifty different grocery stores in this place.

“They’ve been talking for so long I got bored, I decided to look for you myself,” Liz turns her gaze away from their moms to face Wonyoung again, “don’t be flattered, I wasn’t keen on seeing you again too anyway.”

It sounds like she’s just trying to be jokingly bitchy, but it appears like she really was upset from their last encounter.

“Then why look for me?” Liz rolls her eyes and starts walking past the girl.

She hears her push cart behind her follow. “I said I was bored.”

Liz goes back to the aisle she just came from, totally forgetting what her original objective was when she got carried away with texting Yujin.

“I didn’t know they’re close.” She refuses to look directly at Wonyoung as she talks, she has to find her damn cashews anyway, who is the target audience of roasted peanuts for it to have one whole column of its own?

“I think nine years of PTA meetings could get you well acquainted enough.”

She’s tired of Wonyoung being right, and Liz doesn’t have the energy to argue with the person she has successfully tried to forget about in the past few weeks. She doesn’t reply anymore but that doesn’t stop the other girl from bothering her further.

“What are you looking for?”

Every step she takes, she hears Wonyoung's push cart move. She is not letting up anytime soon.

Liz ponders a bit on whether to stop acting sneery with her, so she looks around for a little more for the final time before giving up. She felt bad for her anyway, she asked Liz when she could see her again last time and she just bid her goodbye in response. 

Luck has always been on Wonyoung’s side though, she sees her again without even trying.

“Cashews.”

“Ah. I passed by it earlier, c’mon.”

Her phone vibrates in the pocket of her baggy jeans as she follows suit, not even ten steps in. Yujin’s calling. She forgot to tell her she’s in the freaking grocery store and she probably thinks Liz is lazing on her bed again to call so suddenly.

Liz stops, letting Wonyoung walk by herself.

“What are you doinggg?”

“Hey, I’m sorry, I can’t talk right now.” Yes she can, it’s the 18th of December and the store is nowhere near packed, she could freely talk and no one would care. “I’m grocery shopping with my mom…” Wonyoung has stopped walking and is looking back at Liz with her eyebrows knitted.

“Oh. I’ll call you back later then?”

“Yeah, bye-bye.”

“Bye.”

“Was that Yujin?” Wonyoung hands her a big jar of cashews as soon as she catches up with her.

Liz is too spent to let a snarky reply out about her being nosy, so she stops herself. “Yeah.”

“You guys are dating now I assume?”

“No. And hey, it’s not your business.” She needs to find her mom now, they’ve been here for too long. “Thanks for finding the nuts.”

She can see Wonyoung hold back a suspicious smirk and Liz knows for a fact that she has a silly joke regarding the word nut but she doesn’t go on with it when an elderly couple passes between the two of them.

“Chill.” The sound of Wonyoung’s push cart right by her irks Liz for some reason. “I was just asking.”

“I don’t really want to talk to you about it.”

She sees their moms from a distance and Wonyoung walks along, blindly following her.

“I fingered you once and that’s about it, God, it’s not that deep.” Oh my God? Liz’s jaw drops, deeply scandalized, darting her eyes to their parents like it's even possible for them to hear her from twenty feet away. “And Yujin’s in the swim team, I wouldn’t be surprised if messes with other girls from there too.”

“Our moms are right there!” She takes a quick glance at them again, making sure they weren't within their hearing distance. “And she is not like that.”

“Yeah, sure.”

“You didn’t even know her until last month, please.”

“I saw her about like thrice around campus and she's with this girl called Ningning all three times.”

“Yeah, well she’s straight.” Yujin had quite a few stories about Ningning, and she met her at the party, arms wrapped around a guy.

“You don’t know that.”

“I actually do.”

“Hey, you two!” Liz’s mom yells, not an ounce of shame in her body. “Come over here!”

Wonyoung’s mother does not shut up about how beautiful and tall Liz has become, and the same goes with her mom to Wonyoung.

They talk nonstop, going as far as planning a double mom-daughter date in the middle of the grocery store. Both her and Wonyoung do nothing but stand there, awkwardly waiting for them to run out of things to say to each other.

“I’m waiting for the day Wony here brings a good guy home,” Wonyoung’s mother says as she wraps her daughter in a half hug, gently rubbing on her arm. Liz’s eyes darts to her and sees her lips pursed in a tight line, slightly uncomfortable, “I don’t know what it is with her, she has some sort of disdain for romance.”

They talk as if their daughters aren’t right beside them, Liz almost laughs.

“I think my Jiwonie’s seeing someone already.” It’s Wonyoung’s turn to give her a knowing look and Liz subtly rolls her eyes at her. “All she does at home is roll on her bed and giggle like a little girl at the texts on her phone.”

Wonyoung chuckles and she can’t help but chuckle back because it’s true. Their mothers look at both of them.

“Must’ve been a while since you two have seen each other huh?” Wonyoung’s mom asks her.

She’s still in the middle of chuckling when the question rolls out. Her little laughs transition into choked up coughs, clearly taken aback from the question.

“Y-yeah…” Liz feels the rough sensation of saliva stuck in her throat. She tries to do a big gulp to soothe it but it doesn’t help.

“Actually, we just saw each other back in November.” Wonyoung answers causing Liz to freeze. “Our campuses are just a drive away from each other.”

She can not think of any reason why Wonyoung felt the need to get that information out but to purposely mess with her.

“Oh!” Her mom looks at her, patting on her shoulder once. “Why didn’t you tell me you’re in contact with Wonyoung?” She isn’t, and if she is why would she tell her that? Her mom has always been unreasonable.

“I’m not. Uh…we just met by accident.”

“Oh, where?”

They look at one another, and it’s like they can read each other's minds, telepathically trying to communicate to come up with something else but the truth.

“Um.” Liz starts and Wonyoung only stares at her in worried anticipation. “In the street. We uh… bumped into each other on the street.”

“What street?”

“I don’t freaking know, mom.” She fidgets on the plastic sealing of the jar of cashew nuts she’s holding, looking around, stunned by her own reaction. “Sorry. You wouldn’t know that place anyway.”

Her mom sighs, shaking her head. “They really do change when they step into college… tsk. Put those damn nuts in my cart already.” 

Liz complies, getting embarrassed when feels Wonyoung’s eyes follow her as she walks around her mom to the pushcart.

“I’m sorry about her.”

“That’s fine, my daughter’s like that too sometimes.”

“Can I have your keys?” Liz interrupts. “I’ll just wait for you in the car.”

She sees Wonyoung and her mom leave first as she sulks by herself in the minivan. A couple of minutes go by before her mom comes out of the store, pushing her big cart full of plastic bags of groceries.

“Why don’t you hang out with Wonyoung whenever you’re back home?” Her mom asks as Liz puts away their groceries in the trunk. “You can’t spend your entire break at home just like you did in the summer.”

“We’re not really friends. And it's called a break for a reason. You’re supposed to take a break from everything.”

“Don’t try to get smart with me.”

“Wait, did you get the cashews?”

They spend the entire afternoon preparing meat to marinate, cutting up a variety of vegetables, and baking her mom’s key lime pies.

At around 4:00 pm, her dad asks her to help put up lights with him outside. It was supposed to be her brother’s job but he hadn’t gone home until five.

They’re not usually this festive, it just so happens her parents are hosting a family Christmas party so they took the seven-year-old Christmas lights out the box from the basement.

By family, it meant Liz’s relatives from her dad’s side, because her mom is originally from Jeju and her Dad comes from a large household – their guests consist of his four siblings and their own families.

Liz is generally cool with them, but when the next day rolls around all she does is show face to her uncle and aunties and exchange awkward small talk with her cousins who she hasn’t seen in years.

So, she stationed herself in the kitchen, tired of the excessive noise and talking. Liz washes the dishes in advance just like her mom told her to so it does not pile up later – she said she doesn’t have anything better to do anyway. And after an ungodly amount of plates and bowls later, she ties up the trash bag full of boxes and plastic cups to bring it outside to the trash.

There she sees yet again the familiar figure of Jang Wonyoung in the dark, having just got out of the car.

Liz swings the trash bag over to shoot it in the garbage bin, hearing the girl approach her in the front yard by the sound of her keys jiggling between her fingers.

“I can’t help but think you’re actually stalking me, it’s getting scary.”

“Ha. You wish.”

It’s cold, but Wonyoung is wearing really short shorts with her fleece sweater and Liz sees the regret as she very visibly shivers when a breeze goes past them.

“...Okay, it's cold as shit. Can we go inside?”

She doesn’t question it and only starts leading her to the backdoor where she came out from. There’s no one there, all of the food is displayed in the dining area so no one really wanders to the kitchen.

“Sorry, it’s rowdy if we go by the front. How did you even know there’s a Christmas party? I mean, you’re not family, no offense.” Liz asked, her back facing her unexpected visitor as she washes her hand on the kitchen sink.

“Your mom promised my mom a key lime pie and she made me go pick it up.” Wonyoung takes a seat on the randomly placed stool by the refrigerator.

Oh. Liz is embarrassed it even crossed her mind, but she thought she was paying her a visit or something. It totally slipped her mind how her mom would bake for anyone and everyone she knows.

“Can’t wait until tomorrow?” Liz questioned, sarcastically of course.

“Actually, it’s your mom who messaged her to go get it anytime today. They’re both really big on Facebook.”

“Every mom is big on Facebook.”

“And I’m not gonna lie, I kinda wanted to see you too or whatever.”

“...Oh.”

“Right… you gonna get me the pie or?”

“Chill. Do you wanna eat first? Never mind, I'll get you a plate.”

“Hey, no need, I already ate dinner.”

She stops mid step. “Okay but if my mom sees us I’ll never hear the end of it if I let you leave without eating.” 

“Hurry and just give me the pie before she shows up then.” Wonyoung stood up from the stool to give way to Liz.

She begins to search through the fridge while the girl stands behind her, arms crossed.

“You have such a big family.”

Everyone is talking at the same time, the deserted kitchen isn’t spared from the noise. There’s only one iPad between her four little cousins that have a circle of their own under the Christmas tree and everyone’s shouting. The adults are laughing so loudly that it’s drowning out the eighties music in the background (and the teenagers are all in her brother’s room with him). 

Liz crouches, just now remembering they stored the pies in the fridge drawers below.

“It’s fun… sometimes.”

“Sometimes?”

Liz manages to pull the tray out, the one with ‘Jang’ written on the foil on top and places it on the counter. She turns to reach to the cupboard behind Wonyoung for a plastic bag.

“Well, you see… there’s two babies sleeping in my bed right now and I’m stuck in the kitchen washing dishes. Here’s your pie.”

“Aw, I love babies.” Wonyoung says as she takes the plastic bag from Liz.

“Yeah well as much as I want to rest my back, I can’t.” She leans back on the counter behind her and Wonyoung does the same.

They both just stand there for a little while side by side, for some reason it’s like Wonyoung doesn’t wanna go yet. It goes the same for herself but Liz does not want to audibly declare that she wants a companion right now. She can't help but find it a little wholesome, they giggle from time to time when they hear one of the kids shriek or one of the old-heads crack some joke unnecessarily loud.

“You wanna get out of here?” It’s Wonyoung who breaks the silence. 

They look at each other for a moment. Liz considers the offer, calculating how mad her mom is gonna be if she finds out she snuck away to escape her daughterly responsibilities for the night.

“Kim Jiwon!” And like it’s the Lord himself giving signs, Liz hears her mom shout her name in the background, probably about to ask her to get her uncle another slice of cake.

“Fuck it, let’s go.”

Wonyoung grins wide, giggling as she pulls on her wrist, running on their way out.

They’re both panting like dogs when they reach the inside of the vehicle. Heaving between laughs, Liz tries so hard to catch her breath as the girl in the driver’s seat places the plastic bag containing the pie in the back. 

It was her Crocs that slowed them down, one flew off her foot as they ran right when they reached the middle of their yard and Wonyoung couldn't stop laughing.

“We didn’t even run that far.” Liz watches her try to slot the car key in for a few seconds too long with shaking hands. The adrenaline rush is taking its time to be shaken off of them and Liz wonders if this is what it feels like for kids who snuck out at night back in highschool (she was a good girl, the latest she arrived home was when her choir group had dinner after a competition).

Wonyoung only looks at her while she twists the key in, still huffing trying to regain her breath. She begins to stir the wheel at the same time as when the radio turns on and Liz watches the plush dice hanging on the back of the rearview mirror swing back and forth as they pull out the curb by their house.

The center console screen displays ‘7:16 p.m.’ and she does not realize how early it still is. Her mom is totally going to notice her disappearance but Liz can not give any less of a crap right now. 

“Where are we going?”

Wonyoung glances at her for a split second before refocusing her gaze ahead, “wherever you want, I don't know either…” They fall into silence and they’re already about to exit Liz’s neighborhood when she continues, “I’m thinking we just go to my house.”

“Hm.”

“What are you thinking?”

“I want a Slurpee.”

“That’s random but alright.” Wonyoung makes a turn to the direction of the nearest 7/11 without a second thought.

They both get the largest cups but Liz’s is already half empty not even halfway to the Jang residence. 

She managed to persuade Wonyoung to leave the windows open on the road, it was cold, but the good kind of cold, the kind that heals Liz’s spirit even though it freezes her face off and Wonyoung only could chuckle as she pokes her head out the window like a puppy. 

The drive was quiet at first until the local station started playing a Dru Hill song and Liz couldn’t stop herself from singing along (ever since she was a kid, there wasn’t a Sunday morning her dad doesn’t let the whole house know of his taste in music). 

There’s nothing to be ashamed about even when the sound of her voice bounces out of the vehicle, Liz sings passionately to the roadways and the streetlamps leading to Wonyoung’s place because it’s dark and no one else is outside but them, because unlike the restless and brightly lit Seoul they both have been used to for the past couple of years, it’s almost as if everyone in their small town have bedtimes of a first grader.

The chorus of These Are The Times roll off of her tongue naturally and she sings her heart out, not minding the endearing looks of amusement that Wonyoung momentarily throws to her direction every now and then. It’s as if they completely grew past the awkward barrier they had ever since they met again, they joke around like friends who were never apart and exchange random anecdotes as trivial as they can get (“I once fell in snow face first when I was a kid, my face was perfectly molded on it” “I heard it isn’t snowing until January”, “Twix is the best chocolate” “It’s not even making top five”).

When they arrive, it’s Wonyoung’s little sister who opens the door for them. She has a green clay facial mask on and she briefly greets Liz before interrogating her sibling.

“Did you snuck mom’s car out?”

“No?” She hands Leeseo her unfinished Slurpee. “Where is she? I have her pie.”

“Asleep.” That’s all she says before leaving them alone, sipping on the beverage as she makes her way upstairs.

There’s a big white Christmas tree in their living room and just a minimal amount of other decorations adorning the space. It’s all white, even the stockings hanging by the fireplace. 

Of course Wonyoung's family has a whole fireplace, and of course their house is this spacious, Liz thinks, the ceiling is so high up that they have giant curtains for the floor to ceiling windows.

It never crossed her mind that Wonyoung was this rich, she’s always known she is but the giant curtains just simply overwhelms her when she looks up.

Considering the mental ordeals she has been in during the past weeks, she surprises herself when she’s yet again alone in a bedroom with Jang Wonyoung.

This time though, she considers her as a friend so she felt nothing (or at least tried to ignore the funny feeling in her stomach) when the girl peels off her sweater to reveal the tiny tank top she’s wearing underneath. 

Her room is spacious just like the rest of the house. She has a big, pink and white, comfortable-looking canopy bed like a real princess and Liz has never felt more envious in her life. 

To the other side of the room, Wonyoung has this large, full bookshelf that reaches the ceiling, you would think it would be full of novels, but it looks like only a few of it are and the rest are literature from writers whose names are impossible for her to pronounce and are born way before their grandparents. There are numerous framed pictures on her walls, mostly of herself and her sister when they were children and there’s a poster of the movie Uptown Girls on the door of her closet.

“I’ve never seen this movie until now.”

“You're joking.”

“No.”

“We should watch it together then.”

Liz doesn’t answer, carrying on the room tour she’s giving herself, she walks to the console table where a couple of scented candles are placed and she picks one up to smell before noticing the book laying by it.

“No freaking way.” She says, dramatically.

“What?” Wonyoung answers from where she was seated on the bed, she’s holding a remote as her television displays the Apple TV home screen.

She spins to face her, holding up the bookmark that was just in the book she saw. Wonyoung chuckles and there’s a hint of shyness behind it, making Liz raise an eyebrow.

“How?” She walks towards the girl, still in disbelief. 

It’s the shitty DIY bookmark she gave her back in eighth grade. It’s red, Wonyoung’s favorite color that time was pink but the night she made it for the girl’s birthday the next day, she did not have pink construction paper so she had to make do with red. The yarns are unevenly cut but her design makes up for it, she did her best with writing the birthday girl’s name in calligraphy and the small ‘from: Jiwon’ at the bottom is smudged from the cheap sign pen she used.

“My mom was cleaning my room last week when I got back,” she explains as she scrolls on the streaming app on the TV at the same time, “she told me to go through the boxes before she throws everything out and I randomly found it… don’t assume I kept using it all these years, you’re not that special. I’m just resourceful and I happen to need a bookmark right now.”

Still, Liz is flattered. She smiles to herself as she tucks it back in between the pages and returns the book to its previous place.

“That’s so sweet.”

“Whatever.”

“You know you could’ve used literally anything as a bookmark.”

Wonyoung didn’t entertain her further after that, for some unknown reason, Liz saw her embarrassed for the first time. They put on Uptown Girls to watch just like she said but then Liz confuses herself when she opens her eyes from a short nap and sees that the TV is now playing an animal documentary.

She’s under the blanket, they both are, and Wonyoung is on her phone and she doesn’t notice Liz has woken up. Liz puts her hands to feel both her pockets and she just now realizes she never brought her phone with her.

“What time is it?” She startles the other girl, it’s dark and only the TV and phone screen is the source of light.

“It’s ten,” Wonyoung moves, turning the lamp on her bedside table on, “good sleep?” Her voice is a few octaves lower and she’s not used to it.

Liz winces at the sudden brightness from the lamp and buries her face back in the comforter. “Sorry. I was tired.” 

Her mom really put her to work today. 

“It’s okay, I know.” She puts her phone down, now Liz can’t see her face clearly when she turns her head to look at her with her now well-adjusted eyes. “You talk in your sleep… and you snore.”

She sits up on the soft bed, rubbing her eyes. “No I don’t.”

“You do.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“Ninth grade,” Wonyoung starts, Liz has no idea on where the sentence is going, “You fell asleep during history. I never forgot about it because of how loud you snored.”

She snorts, adjusting her position on the bed, leaning on the headboard just like Wonyoung. They’re so close to each other that their sides are touching, up to both of their sock covered feet.

So Wonyoung really has her own collection of random memories of her that she herself wasn’t aware of, just like how she does with her.

“How do I know you’re not lying?” She bumps her feet against Wonyoung’s and the girl does the same to hers back.

“Oh, I’m not the only witness,” she pulls the blanket up to her chest, doing the same to Liz in the process, “and your mouth was open and all, it was pretty memorable.”

“You’re making things up. I know myself, I don’t snore.”

Wonyoung hums and scoots even closer to her, resting her head on her shoulder, “You can deny it all you want but it’s not a bad thing.”

“Eh.”

Liz feels the girl’s finger tips draw soft circles on her wrist under the blanket, “I think it’s more of a who’s doing it kind of thing, when I was a kid I hated it when my dad snores when I sleep over in their room, but with you, it’s kind of like a cat purring asleep.”

“What a creative way to tell me you think I’m cute.” She rests her cheek against the crown of Wonyoung’s head.

“Well, I do think you’re cute.”

Liz does not know what to say, all she could focus on is stopping herself from blushing because she feels blood creep up her cheeks. They both stare straight at the TV, the only noise being the National Geographic narrator explaining what life is like for a mantis shrimp in low volume.

“Not that I think you're cute like a cat cute,” Wonyoung speaks again, “I mean you are but… I think you’re prettier than you think.”  

“What do you mean?” For a second, she’s glad they’re not facing each other, but then Wonyoung sits up straight again and looks at her. 

“You’re blushing over a simple compliment you should be used to hearing,” she gently holds onto Liz’s chin and turns her face towards her, “see? You should be more confident, you have someone like Yujin looking at you like a lovesick puppy, it’s embarrassing.”

She doesn’t know why she’s saying this, it’s not like she needs a confidence boost or something. Wonyoung’s trying to deliver the message in that way but something behind her eyes says otherwise and Liz can sense it. Her mind is not playing tricks on her because she clearly sees her gaze gravitate downwards on her face, to her lips specifically, and Liz feels cautious because fuck, she swore to herself up and down whatever happened between them was just a one time thing but Wonyoung is doing everything but make it easy for her.

Liz hates it when her own body betrays her. How people can just spot her embarrassment, shyness, fear, anger – you name it. All because her face easily gets red.

She doesn’t think it’s mostly compliment making her blush, more like the bearer of the message, which shouldn’t make her blush at all… because what the hell?

“When did you become such a sweet talker? And no, she doesn’t.”

“She does,” Wonyoung’s hand drops to her hand that’s now on top of the blanket, holding it, “she looks like she'd be really sad to know you slept with someone else.” She softly chuckles. 

Liz just sighs, rolling her eyes at her and turning to face the TV again. 

“Bad joke?” She shakes their intertwined hands for her attention. “Sorry.”

Liz is not mad, she wouldn’t be wrong, Yujin is soft on the inside and has had her fair share of bad experiences and trust issues from her past and Wonyoung has no idea how far their relationship has actually developed in a span of almost four months. At most, she’d be disappointed and… well, sad. It’s been indirectly implied between the both of them that they don’t want one another to see other people even though they’re not girlfriends. Liz felt like she broke a non-existent promise.

“Did you finish the movie?” Diverting the topic might be for the best.

Wonyoung squeezes on her hand before replying, “I didn’t, I turned it off when you fell asleep five minutes in.”

Liz pouts, apologetic. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s all good,” Wonyoung uses her other hand to gingerly poke at her dimple, “but you owe me another movie night.”

She hums, softly swatting her finger from her cheek, “I’ll think about it.”

“It’s non-negotiable.”

“You really want to spend time with me that much?” 

It took a few moments for Wonyoung to reply, “I don’t have that much choice right now, haven’t really talked to anyone else back in highschool.”

Oh. They’re in the same boat, that’s why her mom was frustrated she only lazed around the house last summer. It’s not like reaching out is not an option, it’s just that the last time she did all of her three highschool friends had been busy doing their own thing, and when they reached out to her, it was her who wasn’t home for break, now it feels like she totally ghosted them because they haven’t been talking for a year and a half now and she really has no idea what the hell they’ve been doing with their lives either.

For the past two years, her social life revolved solely around the friends she made in college.

“Same.” Liz chuckles. “We’re each other’s last resort? Cute.”

“Really?” There’s glint in her eyes, is she really happy I’m friendless for the break too? “The universe brought two lonely souls together.”

“You’re so cheesy.”

“Don’t mind if I just start to randomly pop in at your house. Would be nice to hang out with somebody else other than Leeseo.”

Honestly? She wouldn't mind. The idea of them hanging out together is fine, but feeling her palm tingle as Wonyoung casually grips her hand, looking the most attractive she's ever been in Liz’s eyes? That's another story.

She was about to open her mouth to reply when a yawn escapes her instead, making both of them crack into quiet giggles.

“Go back to sleep.” 

“Mhm no, mom is so gonna kill me. I forgot my phone.”

“Oh.” Wonyoung chews on her upper lip a little, there it is again, the look in her eyes like she’s begging Liz not to leave. “Should I drive you home now?” She hesitates asking.

She really doesn’t want to. This getaway was pointless, they were supposed to hang out but she was asleep the entire time.

“I think so.”

Liz removes the side of her head leaning against the car window as soon as she sights the blinking red and green Christmas lights on their porch, it’s deafeningly silent as Wonyoung pulls over and she worries if the sound of the engine ends up waking her parents.

“Thanks for the ride. And thanks for the slushy.”

“See you.”

Liz does not say a word as she exits, only waving her friend a goodbye and proceeds to dash to the backdoor of their house as quietly as possible (she forgot to bring her keys too, thankfully, they keep one for the backdoor under a flower pot).

When she finally manages to get it open, she hasn’t even taken a step past the threshold when a shadow looms over her. Liz practically jumps when she slowly turns and almost squeals at whatever it is behind her–almost–it’s just Wonyoung, she clamped a hand over Liz’s mouth before the girl could even make a noise.

She’s laughing, albeit quietly, she’s laughing as Liz's heart thumps against her chest fast.

“What the hell is your problem?!” She whisper-shouts at her when she gets her palm off her face.

“Relax.” Wonyoung follows when she opens the door wider, there’s still a mess in the kitchen, a few unwashed dishes and disposable ware scattered, probably her little cousins’ doing. “I forgot to give this to you earlier when I came for the pie.”

She hands her a paper bag and Liz peers inside as soon as she grabs it from Wonyoung.

It’s her clothes from that night.

“How did you even remember to bring these?”

“I didn’t, I mean… yeah I did, I– well, it was in the pile of clean laundry when I was packing, I thought of you when I saw it and I just put it in my luggage and I thought of finding you here to return it since we're both in town.” It seemed like a lot for her to say, especially when she needed her voice down so she ran out of breath a little.

The fast paced beating of her heart dissipates and she giggles at the very uncharacteristic stuttering. Wonyoung only stares at her with raised eyebrows, waiting for her response. “What if I wasn't here?”

“Who wouldn't be home for the holidays?”

“I wasn’t last year.”

“Ah, well, my mission was to track you down here anyways, couldn't accept it that you basically told me you never wanted to see me again… our moms did the job for me though...” Her voice trails off, it’s quiet again and Liz hears the cicadas outside clearly.

“I-I’m really sorry about that, I was just…”

Wonyoung doesn’t let her finish. She nods while humming, and then purses her lips. 

It’s only the stove light giving them some sort of vision, so when Liz takes a step to the fridge to get some water and shake some awkward unease off her body, she trips on what sounds like a disposable cup.

Like it's straight out of some cheesy drama she liked to watch when she was younger, two hands on her torso catches her, leaning her upright with her back against the counter to keep her stable. Wonyoung’s lips are still pursed and Liz feels like the girl should be laughing because it’s situations like this that gets a laugh out of her normally – it’s easy to make her laugh in general, but she doesn’t this time.

She gulps and she wishes she didn’t when she sees Wonyoung’s eyes follow the movement of her neck, creating even more tension between them (she doesn’t know where it came from, but she knows for a fact it is mostly Wonyoung’s fault and Liz does not know why she makes fun of how Yujin looks at her when she's been doing the exact same thing to her from time to time tonight when she thinks Liz doesn’t notice). 

She did not realize they were this close. Liz puts a hand on her shoulder, attempting to create more space between them.

Wonyoung backs up, but just a little because her hands continue to slide down to rest on Liz’s waist and they push her flush on the kitchen counter to the point of no escape, giving her full body shivers. 

Liz’s breath hitches when she darts her eyes to Wonyoung’s lips then to her eyes and sees her do the same. She doesn’t know which one of them leaned forward, all she knows is she closed her eyes, hears the stupid paper bag she was holding drop to the kitchen floor, and it’s as if she lost a little bit of her consciousness when she felt the familiar feeling of the soft, plump lips against her own.

Holy shit.  

Her mind never stopped running as Wonyoung gradually began eagerly eating her face ( What the fuck is happening? Are we really doing this in the kitchen? I forgot to close the door! ) The only thing stopping her from consuming Liz whole are the hands holding her grounded on either side of her face.

The material of her knitted sweater doesn't stand a chance against Wonyoung’s hands, her fingertips dig on her waist through the fabric that it hurts just a little and she lets out a pathetic whimper when she feels her hands snake up in her shirt to directly paw on her skin.

Heart-fluttering, yes, especially the sweet caresses on her stomach, but it’s nothing passionate – Liz swears to herself. She promised herself not to indulge in spontaneous decisions like this one again, being left with the ever-haunting regret the last time she did (and her first real, full-blown orgasm), but she’s not going to deprive herself of the feeling now.

Forget everything else, would it really be wrong? When Wonyoung kisses like you matter the most to her? She started off slow and careful, the little pecks, the stomach-flipping feeling brought by the chaste lip-locks before she gets reminded that this is just purely casual when Wonyoung goes diving in for breath-stealing, elongated moments of desperate and hungry, sloppy, open-mouthed kisses, with her tongue digging in like she’s frantically trying to devour Liz inside-out. She grips on her bare waist, pulling her impossibly closer to her body, and it just feels like something real and Kim Jiwon is just human, she will not deny herself of something so close to heavenly that it would feel as if it’s a sin to put a stop to it like how the voices in her head are telling her.

She never expected the girl to have a dominant side like this (her first hand experience from before aside) and it’s been a challenge keeping up. It’s different from Yujin who’s firm, tender, and slow. Maybe it’s because she cares a lot about Liz, she’s just genuine and likes to cherish the times they’re together since they had limited chances in seeing each other, but something about Wonyoung is simply addicting and new – this is like compensation from the inexperienced, messy make out sessions she had with the couple of boyfriends of hers from the past.

It feels electric – static even. Her mind short circuits whenever their tongues touch and Liz feels as if the two of them have been glitched out from reality, like they’re not in the dark kitchen of her family’s house where they could be caught anytime.

The adrenaline and the mutual neediness between them makes her feel like they have all the time in the world, the only thing that keeps her in her cognitive state and holds her back from completely falling into the bottomless pit of Wonyoung’s spellbinding touches is the cold December night breeze making its way in – she did forget to close the backdoor, in her defense she did not expect Wonyoung to stay longer than she intended to. 

It is not clear if it’s the cold giving her limbs goosebumps or simply the girl holding her. God, her hands are freezing from being outside and Liz can tell she’s chasing for warmth through her with the way she squeezes on Liz’s tummy, rubbing her thumbs on her flesh. She shudders at her touch.

“You okay?” Wonyoung pulls away to ask, voice deep and soft, her big brown eyes wide, shining dreamy golden brown from the reflection of the pale yellow cooktop light behind Liz.

She doesn’t say anything, lips tingling swollen and her mind not able to form a single coherent thought, much less able to string a sentence together. She wordlessly pulls on the shoulders of Wonyoung’s fluffy sweater and she chuckles into the kiss like it’s amusing to her that she got Liz under her spell once again.

It gets too much soon enough. Liz whines against her lips and tries her best to lean back despite the lack of space, letting them both catch their breaths. She really doesn’t want to, there’s a chance it would ruin the momentum and they just snap out of it and realize what the hell they just did.

When they separate, she almost blurts out an: “Okay, what the fuck was that about?” And just make it awkward for the both of them, she can’t help but wonder now that her mind had caught up to her body, what is the conversation after this going to be like? But before Liz’s eyes could even refocus, she feels urgent and feverish kisses trail up and down the side of her neck, surprising herself when she tilts her head up without thinking twice to give Wonyoung more access.

It’s not clear to Liz whose moan it is she heard, but chances are it’s hers because she’s soaked down there. 

“Wonyoung… Wony–”

“What? ” She answers, lips never leaving Liz’s pulse point.

“Your nose feels cold…”

Wonyoung giggles girlishly and leaves her neck to press a firm kiss to her lips before switching sides and peppering her left jaw with wet, tender smooches.

She hears a click, then a step, a yawn, then another click and steps. She opens her eyes and her brain takes its time to process that it’s not her mind making things up, she knows Wonyoung heard it too because she freezes, breathing heavily against her skin.

Good things never last for her these days, Liz has always been deliberately chased by occasional misfortune.

There’s light coming from their side and they basically push each other away when they see the living and dining room fully lit, putting a significant amount of space between them that Wonyoung’s now on the other side of the small kitchen.

Her brother’s eyes dart back and forth between the both of them, he has his airpods on and his phone in his hand. 

“...Mom told me to clean up in here before I go to sleep.”

They glance at each other before Liz opens her mouth to speak. 

“Oh,” Liz regains her composure, trying to act like nothing happened but her voice fails her, “y-yeah, you lazy bum. Wash the dishes too.”

“Okay?” 

That must’ve sounded so unnatural because she hears Wonyoung chuckle.

“I’ll– I’ll get going now. Bye Jiwon, bye Jiwonie’s brother.”

Wonyoung steps backwards and leaves quickly, slamming the door close behind her.

Liz’s brother just stands there facing her.

They stare at each other for a few seconds before he plucks an airpod out. “So you’re lesbian now or something?” His newly deep, mid-puberty voice is flat against the dead air and Liz’s stomach turns.

“No?” She hears the car outside pull out, thinking of how Wonyoung just left her alone in the weirdest situation she’s ever been in.

“I saw what I saw.”

“Shut up and no I’m not–” Liz lowers her voice, “...lesbian.”

“Whatever, she’s too pretty for you by the way.” He quips, snickering as he walks past her in the kitchen and starts picking trash up.

“Excuse me?”

He doesn’t answer, blocking his ear with his airpod as he begins to tidy the space up.

Her brother does not end up being a problem like she thought he’d be. The highschooler couldn’t care less and he told her he has few gay friends as well – which left Liz thinking what it has to do with her but whatever.

When she finally got ahold of her phone there’s over a hundred unread text messages in her group chat with Rei and Gaeul of them two just gossiping, a missed call from Yujin, and a few messages of her asking why she hasn’t been replying (Liz replies fast usually, it has been the first time ever last night that her phone left her side for more than five minutes).

“And then we got there, he didn’t even say he was coming so we were like…” the words comes in one ear and goes out the other, Liz spaces out as her brother tells his lengthy, complicated story about some kid in his class and she really couldn't get herself to pretend to care about some juvenile beef.

“...you’re not listening, are you?”

“I am… what happens next?”

“Ugh, are you thinking about your girlfriend?”

She finally tears her gaze away from the pigeons gathered outside the Burger King they’re in. “What girlfriend?”

“The girl you’re with the other night.”

Liz snorts and the strawberry shake she has just sipped almost comes out of her nose, “she’s not my girlfriend.”

“You talk to her on the phone every day though?”

He means Yujin, but he doesn’t need to know that.

“Can we change the subject? What gift are you getting me for Christmas?”

She’s been taking her mind off Yujin since yesterday and they haven’t talked over the phone again, which used be to a daily thing ever since the break started like her brother has mentioned… but all is well, Yujin told her she has been keeping herself busy helping out in her dad’s printing shop and volunteering twice a week in an animal shelter.

It’s good to focus on herself too, Liz is confused and her mind is all over the place, there’s really nothing better to do than forget all about everything that has to do with the complication her life and her feelings, spending ten hours a day on Netflix, and trying to erase from her mind how Wonyoung’s raspberry flavored lip balm tasted on her tongue.

“You’re the adult here, what gift are you getting me?”

“...I don’t know, how about some socks?”

“Are you serious? And you’re probably getting your little girlfriend something expensive.”

“I don’t have a freaking girlfriend, okay?” She exclaims, thankfully there aren't many other customers around, just a couple of old guys having chicken sandwiches. “Whatever it is you saw, that’s just it, period. And you better not tell mom and dad anything.”

“Hmm…” he wipes his mayonnaise stained hands on some tissues before crossing his arms and leaning back to his seat, “I don’t want this to seem like a blackmail but I’ve been eyeing this one Lego set…”

That’s how she ended up in the crowded mall on the 22nd, her brother’s gift in hand, weaving through people clad in coats and scarves. A piano-only version of Last Christmas is playing in the background and there’s a kid crying in the Santa line in the middle of the shopping district.

It’s noisy and festive, Liz couldn’t wait to get home. Don’t get her wrong – she loves the festive part, just not the retail employees trying to get you to buy their holiday limited products as reindeer mascots do dances by the kiosks in a very jam-packed plaza no less.

When Liz gets home, she hears muffled video game noise in their living room, along with a feminine voice that she has been too familiar with the past few days. 

She wants to say something like, “not again” but she really doesn’t. She has thought about Wonyoung too much and has thought too much about when she’s going to see her again since they don’t have contact with each other (despite partially deluding herself into thinking she has been successful in ignoring thoughts of her). Looking for her on Instagram is definitely something she has considered doing but that just seem way too desperate, thankfully she had enough self control not to do that – not like she’d really have the balls to hit her up, she has no reason to anyway.

Also, she did not think they would be seeing each other anytime soon too. Whatever happened that night had prompted her to think that that was it, that Wonyoung probably thought it was a mistake too and she can’t face her again, especially with the way she left so quickly that night.

Liz lingers on the porch, if someone sees her right now they would probably think she’s crazy just standing by the door, but she just has to spend at least a minute to brace herself. She hears her brother playfully berate Wonyoung, explaining the mechanics of whatever game they’re playing that she seemingly cannot simply get. Something about the mundanity of it is adorable, she’s glad her fourteen year old brother was never shy with strangers.

The box of the special holiday themed donuts on her hand and the bag of her brother’s Christmas gift on the other are getting harder to carry by the minute, so she just twists the doorknob to finally let herself in. 

When she manages to get the front door open, two pairs of eyes land on her.

“Where’d you go?” He asks, head turned from the couch, holding a controller.

Wonyoung is sitting on the armchair, her legs folded up comfortably.

She badly wants to let a snappy answer out like how she normally talks to her sibling (something like ‘It’s none of your business!’), but with another person present, Liz restricts herself.

“The mall.”

“You should’ve told me, I’d love to go with you.” Wonyoung finally speaks, placing her controller on the coffee table in front of her. She makes her way towards Liz, closing the door for her, and her brother makes a complaining noise about her abandoning the game.

She nods at Wonyoung, smiling, seemingly not able to find it in her to say something to her yet directly. She notices it, only taking steps back, putting her hands behind her and leaning on the back of the couch. 

“I bought donuts, if you guys want.”

Liz almost forgets about the gift, so as her brother’s still facing the TV, she bolts upstairs to her room after putting the donuts down.

“Freaking weirdo.” Her brother mindlessly mutters as he busies himself pressing buttons on the controller.

“What’s the big secret?” Wonyoung leans sidewards on her bedroom’s door frame.

Liz kicks the bag in under her bed, startled.

She’s feeling a little bit uneasy at the idea of Wonyoung seeing her room, very dramatic of her but she feels vulnerable, almost. The mint green walls of her room is never something she’s proud of – maybe when she was thirteen she thought it’s the best color to ever exist and successfully convinced her parents to repaint her room but as she grew older, she realized it is indeed very tacky, after that they just never entertained her pleas to paint it back to white, and she got used to it anyway, she’s in college now so it doesn't matter (right now it does though, she can't help but think Wonyoung is judging her interior choices).

Her bed is unmade and her closet is wide open and a mess from all the clothes she tried on to put an outfit together before going out.

“What are you doing here?”

“I wanted to see you.”

“Ha.” Liz rounds her bed and plugs her dead phone on the charger. “You shouldn’t have.”

Is this the post-make-out conversation she’s been dreading? She sits on her bed, not bothering to invite Wonyoung in and just looks at her back.

She looks good, now that Liz is properly looking at her. Her flared jeans make her legs look even longer and Liz couldn’t take her eyes away from what her small shirt shows of the skin of her stomach.

Wonyoung doesn’t notice, her eyes start to roam around the room, taking it in. Now Liz feels self conscious of the crocheted sunset tapestry on her wall she made herself.

“Let’s exchange contacts.” She doesn’t make a move to enter Liz’s room completely either, she only takes her phone out of her pocket.

Hell no. “My phone’s dead, sorry.”

“But you know your number.”

“No, I don’t.”

Wonyoung clicks her tongue, the slight frustration is visible on her eyebrows and Liz averts her gaze, her teasing behavior diminished. She laughs, finally stepping in and closes the door behind her.

“What’s up with you?”

Oh, so she just doesn’t acknowledge it.

Liz feels the mattress dip beside her, their shoulders touching. 

It’s still early, she left the mall at exactly one. Seeing Wonyoung during daytime has fully made her conscious of her previous choices during their endeavors that night.

“Nothing.”

“I told you I’m going to see you, didn’t I?”

Her voice has this softness in it and Liz can tell something has shifted since the other night. She doesn’t like it, it happened too fast, she hopes they can go back to their usual playful banter.

“What do you want, really?” It doesn’t come out harsh, but instead, Liz said it in such a weak tone she herself did not expect to come out her mouth.

“Did I do something wrong?”

Now Liz feels bad. They both wanted it that time, she might be being unfair. But it’s not like Wonyoung’s clueless on why it’s almost like she’s playing push and pull with her. She’s not exactly doing a very good job at hiding her qualms either.

“No.” Sighing, she lets her back fall onto the bed, facing the ceiling straight.

Wonyoung turns to her with a small smile on her face. “If you don’t wanna exchange contacts, open your Snapchat. I still have you there.”

“Who still even has Snapchat?”

“Me. I wanted to contact you yesterday and I realized I didn’t have your number whatsoever, I can’t find your socials either. Then I remembered we used to snap each other.”

Something about the idea of Wonyoung sitting on her bed, spending time finding her on social media just to reach her makes her stomach flutter a little – she ignores the weird feeling.

“Yeah when we were fourteen… don’t tell me you messaged me on fucking Snapchat?” She only purses her lips in response. Liz gets up to grab her phone, mood renewed. “I can’t believe I’m downloading this app in the year 2024.”

It only took her a minute logging in (her password for everything has been the same since she was thirteen), Wonyoung helped herself to a couple of pillows to lean her back on while she fiddled with her phone.

Jang Wonyoung

┃Let’s go ice skating

Liz looks up from her device. “Are you serious? That’s it?”

“What?”

She didn’t expect it would be a single text. 

“I can’t skate.”

“I’ll teach you.”

“You can’t either.”

“How’d you know?”

“Gut feeling… I don’t know.”

“Then see it for yourself later.”

Liz scoffs and turns her head back.

ME

┃okay

Jang Wonyoung does not know how to ice skate.

They spent the entire time laughing at their poor attempts. Eventually, they kind of figure it out, lasting at least thirty seconds hand in hand, holding each other for balance.

Putting whatever had happened that night behind them is truly easy under the holiday atmosphere. There are two days left before Christmas and the town center is crowded. It's easy to forget about your personal troubles when everybody around you is walking around with a joyful spirit. It's even more infectious with the giant, shiny Christmas tree in the middle of the town. 

Her brother has met up with his friends, leaving Liz and Wonyoung alone to roam around. They hit the skating rink first, as it is their main plan of the night, then to the street vendors, a piping hot sweet potato pancake for the both of them, originally only planning to window shop but ended up buying knitted beanies (“This suits you so well!” Wonyoung had put a gray beanie shaped like cat ears over her head, she did the same to her with a pink one), when they got tired of walking around, they found a bench to sit on (not before getting hot chocolate), and then just watched the people while they sip on the sweet, warm beverage.

Wonyoung dreamily sighs. “I love the holidays.”

“Who doesn’t?” Liz tightens her jacket around herself as she takes small sips.

She breathes in and watches the vapor come out of her mouth before speaking. “Shouldn’t we be looking for your brother by now?”

“He’s going to be fifteen in a few weeks, he’ll be okay. Lately I feel like he’s growing so fast.”

She hears a small chuckle come from the girl beside her. “We were just fifteen once too.”

“Yeah.”

“Time flies.”

It really does. Last month they hooked up, now they're having a wholesome time drinking hot chocolate together.

“Can I ask you something?” Wonyoung doesn’t answer, only looking at her over the cup she has on her lips. “When did you, like– find out you were… attracted to… the same… sex, I guess.”

That shouldn’t even be such a difficult question to ask, but Liz has never had a conversation with her that is close to anything serious, she is curious but she feels awkward asking, she doesn’t know why too. She’d never guess Wonyoung would be into girls so it’s something that has been on her mind.

Wonyoung licks her lips, thinking. Liz can almost see the gears turning in her head trying to compose an answer. “In highschool.”

“Wait, really? When exactly?” Liz turns and sits sideways to face her, interested.

“Yeah,” her cup is nestled in between both of her hands now, something to keep her warm, “freshman year.”

Timidness isn’t something to describe Wonyoung usually, but right now, she quickly averts her gaze and purses her lips as she looks ahead at the view of the giant Christmas tree. Now Liz thinks it might be a sensitive topic or something but she’s really intrigued.

“I’m nosy, so tell me everything right now.”

“I just… liked a girl, that’s it.”

“You’re boring.”

“Yeah well, it’s really not that interesting like you thought.”

“Wait…” It’s getting colder out, Liz shivers a little and scoots closer to Wonyoung, “who was it? Was she in our class?”

“Ugh, it really doesn’t matter now.” She grumbles, already over the topic but the girl isn’t letting up.

“Hey, I deserve to know that too,” Wonyoung grumbles again when Liz nudges their shoulders together, she ignores her, “c’mon tell me your story.”

“I had a stupid crush on her, that’s it.”

“And?”

There’s a beat of silence, she takes a sip of her hot chocolate, taking her time to come up with a reply. It took her so long to speak again that Liz thought she already made up her mind on ignoring her question altogether. She was staring at her expectantly though, so she did not really have the choice but to say something.

“We were friends but I was dumb and I didn’t understand my feelings, so I tried to ignore her for the rest of the year.”

Liz laughs and Wonyoung looks at her, her face unreadable.

“Oh yeah. That’s dumb, why though?”

“I just said I didn’t understand it that time. And my brain refused to comprehend I might have liked girls so…” she pressed her lips together and shook her head, sighing, “it’s stupid.”

“What was she like?”

“Are you serious?” Liz really expects an answer, a goofy smirk on her lips. “You’ll never guess who she is anyway, stop trying to get clues out of me.”

“I can barely remember the names of half of our class anyway!”

“It really hasn’t been that long ago, wow, you're not a good person.”

“Yes it has been! Now tell me.” She hooks an arm over Wonyoung’s, causing the girl to almost spill her drink. “I’m curious about fourteen year old you’s type.”

“God, alright, calm down,” she exaggeratedly sighs despite the small smile on her lips as she describes the person, “I don't even know how I liked her, honestly. She was shy, clumsy, kind of a nerd and-”

“How come you liked nerds?”

“Let me finish.”

“Okay.”

“I didn’t outright say she was a nerd, I said kind of. She was just kind of a dork and liked joining nerdy clubs.”

“Like what?”

“That’s too specific. I’m not answering that.”

Liz groans and rolls her eyes. “You’re no fun.”

“Okay well, I remember she liked singing.”

“Was she in choir?”

“Uh... yes.”

“Oh I was in choir, now you have to give more clues, c’mon.” There’s a visible look of faux annoyance in Wonyoung’s face as Liz teasingly nudges her again. “I feel like I know her.”

“No you don't, and you just said you barely remember anyone.”

“I said I don’t remember some of their names, there’s a difference.”

“That was all in the past, it doesn’t matter now.”

“Exactly, it doesn’t matter. Tell meee.” Wonyoung winces at Liz’s poor attempt at doing aegyo, like it’s not something she likes doing herself too.

“No, enough about me, how about you?”

“What about me?”

“When did you…” She only gestures a hand to emphasize her question.

“Oh, you cheat. I’m gonna have to get back at you some other time. Anyway, basically, Rei,” Wonyoung knits her eyebrows. “She made me set my preferences to women on Hinge for fun, then Yujin sent me a like, then she was all like go for it, she’s a catch! ”

“Oh,” she looks away and downs the rest of her drink, “you've never been with other women?”

“Yup.”

“Just me?”

“Ha ha.”

The sarcastic laugh from her earns her a light pinch on the cheek from the girl, she doesn't say anything back and Liz snuggles closer to her when another cold gust of wind goes past them. They sit in silence, she doesn't like Elvis but she can’t lie, it feels a little romantic when Blue Christmas starts playing in the background, perfectly in time as when Wonyoung leans her head on her shoulder.

Are they past it? 

More like, is Jiwon past it? She feels so at peace with Wonyoung right now, and she doesn't feel anything when she jokes about whatever happened with them last month and last last night, everything is light hearted.

The very little guilt left in her heart is almost non-existent too, when Yujin calls, Liz talks and acts like how she normally does. Maybe it's time to stop being a drama queen, she isn't dating anyone and making out with Wonyoung was really never a big deal.

A vibration shakes her out of her reverie, a text comes in, it's Yujin.

wyd?

She feels Wonyoung's head on her shoulder adjust a little when she took her phone out of her coat pocket.

And another thing is, she never told her how she has been meeting Wonyoung back home… Do I tell her now?

at the christmas town event!!

having fun? wish i was there with u

me too :(

She does wish Yujin was with her right now too. Her and Wonyoung seem like they would get along. Maybe if Liz can condition her brain into thinking life isn’t as complicated as she thinks it is she can truly live in peace.

“I'm leaving tomorrow.” Wonyoung breaks their comfortable silence, leaving her puzzled. She turns her phone off and ignores the new notification that came in.

“What?” 

“We're celebrating Christmas at my grandma’s.”

“Oh… okay?”

“I won't see you for three days.” Liz can’t see her but she can hear the pout in her voice.

“It’s three days.”

“We're winter break buddies and we won’t be together for Christmas.”

She clicks her tongue. “So dramatic… just go be with your grandma.”

“Hmp.” It’s cute when she sulks, Wonyoung gets up from her seat and walks towards the bin near them to throw her empty cup away. “I’m kinda mad that I think I’ll miss you.”

She does not go back to her seat and only stands in front of Liz. She stares back up at her and lets the statement hang in the air for a moment before having enough of her hemming and hawing in her mind and finally decides to speak again.

“...Do you wanna spend the night then?”

“Are you for real?” If Wonyoung was a little bunny her ears would be so high up in the air now with the way she perked up. 

“Well, I kinda owe you a movie night…” Of all people she wouldn’t have guessed Wonyoung would be so deprived of attention to be this enthusiastic about being invited to sleep over, she almost wanna tease her for it but Liz holds back.

Her brother had texted saying he’s gone home already and Wonyoung drives the both of them back to Liz’s house with her (mom’s) car.

Their mundane conversations continue in the short drive back ("When did you learn how to drive?” “Senior of highschool, I never wanted to but my dad said I had to.”, “What movie are we watching?” “Should we just finish the one from last time?” )

They don’t end up watching Uptown Girls again, Liz only has Netflix and it’s not on there, so they settled for a random slasher film Liz unthinkingly clicked on.

The laptop is placed on the foot of the bed and they both lay on their stomach, a bowl of popcorn (freshly made by Liz) between them, and they mostly just hide behind their hands whenever the background music gets tense, only peeking through their fingers for some sort of vision so they could have the tiniest bit of clue on what is really going on in the movie.

Both of them suck at horror, they discover that now. At one point her mom had furiously knocked on her bedroom door telling them to tone down their surprised shrieks and occasional screeching. They’re determined on finishing the damn movie though, Wonyoung said it’s not a real movie night if they don’t finish it again and even restricted Liz on checking her phone during the entire flick.

Somewhere halfway through the movie, the gore got so bad that Liz got up from her spot and turned the lights on, as if it could help her get any less scared. They could’ve watched anything else, really, but she couldn’t say they did not enjoy it even a little bit either, especially Wonyoung who spent the entire time not facing the laptop screen completely, and overtime, Liz had discovered she has stopped caring about the plot and was just patiently waiting for a character to get brutally stabbed so she could hysterically laugh at Liz’s reactions and funny-sounding yelps (it’s really not that funny…).

The credits roll out at around 11:00 pm. When she checks her phone again there’s a text from Yujin telling her goodnight.

It’s dark but not completely, she has yet to turn her lamp off and the Christmas lights from outside flickers through her windows. 

Wonyoung has already laid down, blanket wrapped and all, their backs turned to each other. She can hear her steady breathing from how quiet it is – they both initially agreed on getting to bed because it has been a long night for the two of them already, but Liz can’t sleep at all, the masked killer from the movie appearing behind her eyelids whenever she closes her eyes.

“I can’t sleep.”

“What? ”

“I said I can’t sleep.” Wonyoung repeats in a whisper. 

“Same.”

Liz rotates to face her, resulting in them just staring straight at each other side by side. 

“...What are you thinking?”

Humming as she uses her palm as a pillow, Liz can vaguely discern Wonyoung scan her face.

“You look good blonde.”

She frowns at the sudden compliment. It’s very out of place, considering they can’t even see each other properly. At least it doesn’t matter if she lets her face flush red under the dimness of her room and Liz thanks the gods for it.

“I know.” Sometimes she’s very good at pretending to not be bashful.

“Remember when you had those thick-ass bangs?”

Liz huffs, rolling her eyes as she brings her blanket up to her chin and turns her back to Wonyoung, who giggles softly at her reaction.

“Goodnight.”

“Stop hogging the blanket.” She says in between laughs.

“It's my blanket.”

“What a way to treat a guest…”

“Hey!” She exclaims when Wonyoung pulls at the comforter hard enough to leave her with nothing. “You’re such a selfish prick!”

Liz sits up and they somehow end up playing tug of war.

Everything is a bad idea when she’s in a room with Wonyoung alone. How do they even manage to somehow keep ending up in such positions? Liz can’t help but think they’re both unconsciously starting to do it on purpose.

Wonyoung’s hold on the blanket came loose and Liz had tugged on it so hard that she lurched forward, on top of her almost. They’re so close to each other again.

It can’t keep happening, it’s getting ridiculous, Liz thinks, but Wonyoung bites her lips and looks at her in such a way it makes her feel light-headed, it just makes her feel desired and really wanted, and it’s a feeling she does not even know she’s craving.

Liz did not have time to comprehend it, everytime the lights outside flickers on, Wonyoung gets closer and closer and she did not have time to think, because like her hands have a mind of its own, they go straight to Wonyoung’s waist and encourages her to straddle her as she lies back down on the mattress.

So is this just gonna constantly happen now?

They fall down the bed naturally, like their bodies attracting like magnets is an intrinsic part of them – even if it may seem spontaneous, but given now that it happened twice before, it’s almost just instinctual between the two of them when they’re left in a quiet space alone together.

What would other people think? The two of them are so unlikely to be expected to be with each other, Liz knows it – well , they’re not together, but in the sense that the chances that others would think the two of them could even be at the very least attracted to one other is not very likely.

She is attracted to Wonyoung; she has long since accepted that part of herself every time she looks at her, and maybe that was one of the reasons why she was not into the idea of rekindling their friendship, because the chances of it developing into something else scares her. But is Wonyoung attracted to her? She should be, right? I mean this is the third time this is happening.

What is her type? It’s easy to think that if you don’t know her, she would be into those kinds of rich Korean guys who drive luxury cars and are six feet tall, it would make sense, trust fund babies who are probably bored out of their wits because they don’t have to worry about anything so they spend their time playing some lame sports like golf or polo, they get themselves model-type girlfriends, Wonyoung could effortlessly pull one of them. Why is she wasting her winter break doing occasional make-out sessions with Kim Jiwon of all people?

It’s not like she lacks connection, the friends she has seen her with during that stupid party carried purses that look like it could pay for her education.

Don't get her wrong though – Liz definitely thinks of herself as a catch… but who would’ve thought someone like Jang Wonyoung might be a little bit into her?

And she knows she might be a little bit into her with the way she holds her face still like she’s fragile between her hands right now. 

Her kisses are slow and languid, very different from the way she did the last two times, Liz can tell it’s because she’s sleepy. They had a long day.

Wonyoung pulls away just a little, their foreheads touching. “Needed this distraction… I can’t sleep whenever I see a scary movie.” She almost couldn’t hear her despite the small distance with how she mumbled her words very quietly.

Liz giggles and she feels Wonyoung use a thumb to caress on the spot of her dimple. “Me too.”

It sounds like a stupid excuse, and Liz is pretty sure it might just be a stupid excuse. She doesn’t know why but she lets it slide, if Wonyoung asked to kiss her right now just because, she wouldn’t even think of saying no. It feels good, it spreads warmth through her chest when their lips touch and she can almost physically feel the rush of dopamine in her brain when Wonyoung slides her tongue in between her lips.

She smells good too – she both smells like Liz and herself, from the perfume she wears and the pajamas Liz had lent her, strawberry vanilla and coconut lavender is an unexpected but great combination.

“Your toothpaste tastes good…” 

“But don’t all toothpaste taste the same?”

“Your mouth tastes good then.”

“Then come have some more… if you want” She doesn't know where the confidence came from, but Wonyoung approves of it, she grins wide before pressing their lips back together in such a tender way it makes Liz’s stomach flip a hundred times over.

Liz does not know what to think of the fast-paced development of their relationship, everything they have done so far has blurred the lines between the friendship they wished to rekindle and… whatever this is.

I can’t keep doing this.

But every time her mind wanders, it only takes a slight tug on her hair from Wonyoung to take her back to reality.