Chapter Text
Today was the day.
Yuuri,Yakov and Lillia had gotten into the hotel they would be staying at.
Yuuri was nervous to say the least,but he didn't let it show,he knew his eating scheduele would be messed up today,but he had to act like everything was fine.
He still hasn't seen anyone he is expecting to be here,not Otabek,Katsuki or Victor.
He was glad. He needed to be alone.
He's never had anyone,and neither will he need anyone.
He sat at the balcony with Lillia,discussing Yura's program and what he should focus on most,and how he should do his turns,to be the prima ballerina he is.
The other thing Yuuri was worried about was the media,they haden't found him in weeks,so no one knew how he looked,or well,how distorted he looked. he stared into his phones camera.
His eyes were getting swallowed by his dark eyebags,you could cup his wrist with your pink and your thumb.
He cant stand looking at himself.
"Im going to shower." He told Lillia before leaving the balcony.
He looked around the bathroom,trying to find the scale,only to find it under the cupboard.
He stood on it carefully
"55kg"
He had reached his goal,but he could do more.
He had gotten used to this condition now,how he always felt dizzy and sick. how as soon as he turned the water on he felt like bullets were being shot thru his head.
how he could basically hug himself from how small his waist was.
Does his mind rule his body,or does his body rule his mind? he didn't know.
He dryed himself off and put on his competition costume. his ribs poked thru,he looked like a skeleton now.
He put his jacket over,feeling weirdly cold
Lillia called him over so she could make a braid in his hair,only to ruin her mood. how?
as soon as she started braiding him,his hair started falling off. not just bits of it,but clumps.
She sighed,putting it up,and spraying a miniscule amount of hair spray.
Yakov was back from signing some papers for the competition,and he called the two of them over to walk around campus,to see who was here.
They agreed,following along,and bringing Yuuri's skates alongside them aswell.
Yuuri looked around,and was told he will be the 4th to skate. alright.
It wasn't long before they came across Victor and Yuri,but Yura was advised from Yakov to ignore them.
Victor only got a glimpse of Yuuri,but when he realised it was him,he called for Yakov,but Yakov ignored him,insulting him and his coaching abillities.
Yuuri looked like death. He felt like a dead person too. the way he walked thru the halls made everyone feel colder. because he himself was freezing from being so low in iron.
Yura went to get his headphones as Lillia and Yakov talked,but as he was running,he bumped into Otabek.
"*could this get any worse??*" he thought to himself,already done with this competition
"Yuuri." Otabek said,almost shocked,baffled and worried at the same time.
"What?" Yuuri raised an eyebrow. He hated how he felt so different today. He was just an athlete like everyone else. Why is he so interesting?
"I-...you need help. How haven't you passed out by just standing?"
Otabek still couldent understand what happend with the younger figure skater.
"If you're gonna fucking insult me,you could have done that anywhere else. leave me alone" Yuuri angrily stormed off even tho he could hear Otabek's pleads.
How pathetic.
He ran back with his headphones in his ears now,seeing that his coaches were still talking. so he decided to slowly stretch and warm up off the ice.
He tried ignoring the fact that Yuri and Victor were right outside the door now. They annoyed him so much.
The main thing in his mind right now was food,he didn't need anything today,and just before he finished his warm up,Lillia called him over,forcing a granola bar down his throat. which was enough to piss Yuuri off once again.
everyone was on his back this whole day. can't they just leave him alone for once?
It wasn't long before Victor came up to them again,making small talk.
"Heeeeyyy Yakov! How is everything?"
He put a cheesy smile on his face,half hugging Katsuki right beside him.
"Leave me alone Victor,i already said,your too rebellious to be a coach."
Yuuri coulden't agree more,he looked sickly into Victor's eyes.
"Shouldent Katsuki be up in 5 minutes? Go take your athlete to the rink idiot." Yakov said angrily,forcing Victor away from their space,and Victor sadly abliged.
Yuuri sighed.
.
.
.
About 2 skaters have gone after Katsuki,and it was Yuuri's turn.
He gave Lillia his jacket,talking to his coaches at the edge of the rink.
He needed to be brilliant because he was brilliant. he had done so much leading to this day. he gulped down the dizzines,forcing himself to forget about it.
He skated to the middle of the rink,waiting for the music.
The music was heavy,theatre style but also influences of metal.
he moved his body to the beat of the music,ready to do his first quad.
he nails it,continuing to skate.
he went thru the whole routine,only to get all of his important moves perfect,his salchows,his toe loops,his quads,ect.
The heared the ending of the music,feeling so dizzy and emotional. this is why be was doing all of this. to win. to be first. to be the best in everything he does.
he made his ending pose,hearing the loud applouse from the fans.
his breath hitched,he stared into the ceiling,holding back his tears,only to fail. his tears coated his red hot cheeks,so he quickly skated off the ice. Lillia and Yakov gave him the warmest hug so far. he felt sick but in a good way. he managed to burn off his granola bar aswell. this was perfect,all he needed to do now was wait for the score.
The 3 of them sat on the couch,patiently waiting for the scores.
Yuuri's leg bounced,he felt so good but so empty at the same time,was this really all worth it? was he really just a robot meant to follow every single rule given to them,and if not,they make their own rule's?
pathetic.
he looked up.
"ROC
Юоорий Плисетскя
103.53
1st place."
He sighed in ease. he had beaten Katsuki by a point. this is too good to be true. all he is doing is paying off. he just needs to get rid of this extra weight and he'll be fine. but actually, he thought again,what extra weight?
what was his goal again? to win. but he won? what now. was he going back to being normal and boring? again?...
Lillia pulled him by the arm to get up,as his coaches and other assistants congratulated him.
he looked infront of himself. why was he doing this all. for who? maybe for grandpa but,grandpa isn't permanent.
neither is he himself. or well,he won't be if he keeps doing this.
"Yura." he lifted his head up.
"Snap out of it" Lillia called him out.
how does she even realise stuff like this? Yuuri dosen't even realise when he zones out himself.
He had time before the medal ceremony,so he climbed up the stairs to the top part of the seats. he looked around. was be really the grand prix winner? that sounds dumb to say. he put his jacket on. feeling so so so cold. he felts so dizzy and so cold- only to remeber he has another protein bar in his pocket. he cant buy to pass out again.
He tried to not think about what he was doing. that he wasn't eating right now. because he dosen't do that anymore eh?
"Yuuri,long time no see"
A older voice said,his head turned to see Victor. he didn't need him right now.
"How are you"
the gray haired man asked,but Yura continued ignoring him,just like Victor ignored Yuuri. and Yuuri is definetly petty.
Victor was quiet,seeing that the younger one wasn't gonna talk to him.
"I don't think ur okay Yuura."
Yuuri rolled his eyes. he had no right talking to him at all right now.
"Im more then okay. old man"
Yuuri's eyebrows furrowed,so he angrily left the area.
He didnt need to be treated like he's insane anymore. he was more then that. he was in control. and if that meant going insane? then he would do it.
.
.
.
.
The medal ceremony would go in a few minutes. he took his jacket off even tho he was freezing by now.
when it was his turn to get up on the podium,he felt lost. like he wasn't supposed to be standing there. like he was an imposter. the kind woman hung the medal around his neck,and all he could do was plaster a fake smile on his face. other then that,he felt Katsuki's eyes daggering into him. he wanted to push him off at that instance. everything and everyone was becoming annoying,so as soon as they stop filming,he ran off. like a disobidient toddler throwing a tantrum. he didn't know why he was like this. he felt pathetic.
he was pathetic.
He was done with everything now,and was ready to leave the arena,back to the hotel room.
he's too tired for anyone right now. definetly.
he hooked his headphones onto his neck,hoping no one would stop him. only for his hopes to be destroyed when Victor came again.
"Yura wait!!" He yelled out,running to the figure skater.
he didn't want Victor calling him that name.
"Don't call me that!" Yura turned around.
Victor catched his breathe.
"Look..ill be honest. you don't look well. you arent the same Yuuri i remember."
Victor looked sadly into Yuuri's eyes,but all Yuuri could do was squeeze his teeth together,hoping he would leave him alone.
"Please answer me. Yuuri im worried about you."
"Why would you be worried about me? u never were,so why now. when ive won without you. I clearly didn't need you. nor will i now!"
Yuuri sighed,only to realise his eyes were tearing up again. how disgusting.
Yuuri cracked his knuckles waiting for Victor's reply,but instead of a reply,he got a hug. a warm one. a hug Yuuri didn't wanna give back.
Weren't we the stars in heaven?
Weren't we the salt in the sea?
Dragon in the new warm mountain.
Didn't you believe in me?
.
.
.
It wasn't long before the media started talking about Yuuri.
His deathly appereance and his sickly phyisique.
He coulden't care less.
in the end, Yuuri ended up with a therapist, being forced by his coaches to go.
he coulden't lie anymore. this was it.
He had to be honest,otherwise Lillia and Yakov would be told about his lies. he didn't need that either.
"Do you feel guilty for eating?"
That was rough for a 1st question.
Yuuri nods.
"Do you restrict your food intake,or count your calories?"
Yuuri nods.
"Do you weigh yourself often?"
This is getting repetitive.
Yuuri nods.
"Do you feel like eating is taking of your life?"
Yuuri coulden't take it anymore.
His head collapsed into his palms.
he sobs.
As he was leaving the therapists room,Lillia,Yakov and his granpa were waiting outside.
He looked into all of them.
"Im sorry."
Yuuri muttered out,sniffling again.
All 3 of them took the figure skater into a hug.
Maybe a hug was all he needed this whole time.
Maybe to be loved by Victor,mean't loving yourself first.
Maybe.