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Days were as dry as they seemed and life was as boring as a thousand-page essay on an empty history of an uncredited soldier.
Blaine didn’t know how he had been sustaining in his life until now. Don’t get him wrong; he was quite happy and content with his life. He was participating in 23 clubs; he had Sam and Tina to chill with; he still had his keyboard and all his favourite musical instruments to relax after his classes. He was still getting straight As in almost all of his course subjects including his AP subjects; he had much chance of being this year’s valedictorian. And he had a fiancé. Oh hell, he did. That was the most important source of joy in his life. His wonderful fiance, to whom he was so grateful that he forgave him for his grave mistake and accepted his pompous proposal. His wonderful boyfriend, whom he was going to marry when they were ready and was going to spend the rest of his life loving and living with him. Though he was not there physically with him, Kurt made sure that they spoke to each other over the phone or Skype to see their lightened faces These are most of the things that made Blaine’s life quite succulent. But not succulent enough.
Whatever he did, wherever he went, the shadow of loneliness followed him like a night monster and haunted him. It feasted on him especially when he was in his bedroom, at night, where the night covers the loudness of the world and gave Blaine enough space to feel the depth of loneliness: a feeling of being empty inside; an unbearably heavy heart; a feel of world stopping around him yet moving in a supersonic speed and he was a meagre entity.
He tried to cope. Hell, he did. Living for others, trying to insert himself into every hole of opportunity to occupy all of the meagre leisure time. To put it short, he was one step away from getting into a full-blown burnt-out phase and a disastrous mental breakdown. Every time he looked in the mirror, he could certainly see the poker face version of himself: smily and sunshine on the outside and grey, gloomy, stormy on the inside that no one could control, not even Blaine himself.
***
Mid-winter break was coming up and the school was buzzing in the spirit of the holiday season. The corridors echoed with laughter and discussions on how many were packing their bags for a vacation, how many gifts to purchase, new musicals at the community theatre and new movies that were released for the season. Blaine had a list of tasks to complete too. Although he was not flying to New York to meet his fiancé this year, he had a listful. Cooper was flying back to Lima this season to take a break, his mom was finally at home ( and his dad was still on a business trip), so he was hoping for a decent holiday season celebration this year. He had promised Sam and Tina, Christmas shopping, signed himself up for charity work, got loads of homework and assignments and on top of it, he had to purchase some gifts for his niece and nephew. Also for Kurt, Burt and Carole.
Thinking of what to gift Kurt for the season was the biggest task of all. Although he knew Kurt wouldn’t expect anything in particular, he was not as certain as Kurt. By their conversation, Blaine was guessing that one of the gifts from Kurt could be an arm pillow, similar to Bruce the boyfriend pillow. ( Although Blaine was jealous ( not really) of the pillow that got to touch his fiance and cuddle with every day, Blaine understood it. It became a running joke for them to use Bruce as a prop for their little dramas of teasing each other. Blaine did mention many times how he wanted a boyfriend pillow too. It was silly and they laughed together at Kurt gifting Rachel and Santana their pillows and what their reactions were but Blaine considered it to be the need of the hour.)
School hours were getting over and he had planned to buy gifts with Sam that evening. His mind kept floating around what gifts to buy for everyone and for one time, his history notebook had a scribbled and thoughtful list of names with their potential gifts.
***
It was a long evening, to be frank. The duo walked through long miles of streets, wandering with little idea about what they were going to buy. Although Blaine was having a draft list, his thoughts changed like the snowflakes melting on their arms spontaneously. Sam tightened his scarves and puffed a harsh cold breath as he watched Blaine check his list.
“Are you done with the list, dude?” Sam asked curiously.
Blaine stood on the pavement, thoughtfully. “Almost done. Just a few more gifts. Gifts for Aunt May’s children and Kurt.”
“I don’t wanna be a buzzkill but you have already bought so much for Kurt. Don’t you think it’s a little over the budget?”
Blaine turned towards Sam, smiling with a nod. “I know, Sam,” he breathed, “But you know, he’s my fiancé now and I haven’t gotten him a proper gift ever since the proposal. I should have been with him, celebrating Christmas together this year. But alas, I couldn’t! But I have to compensate, right?”
“Whatever you say, dude. Can’t understand these newly engaged couples,” he sighed, which triggered a little chuckle from Blaine. “You’ve got some other things to buy, Sam?”
“Yeah, a clay kit for Stacey and a puzzle kit for Stevie and I’m done.”
“Very well. We’ll find a toy store then?”
“Ay, ay Captain!” cheered Sam with an odd impression which earned another chuckle from his friend.
They walked further, skimming through the streets for a good and affordable toy store. Blaine hadn’t decided what to buy for Kurt. He had two bags full of gifts for Kurt and his family and it was evident that he loved them more than his family. ( Don’t get him wrong, he did love his family). Blaine couldn’t control the urge to stop buying more for Kurt. He looked into the bags again, searching for something to fill his unsatisfied mind. Something was missed.
Finally, they got to a store which was decorated extra for the season. The ice blanket on the pavement traced several pairs of little feet into and out of the store. Sam led the way and disappeared spontaneously into one of the huge aisles for his purchase. Blaine didn’t bother. Sam would be waiting for him at the counter anyway. Blaine picked a random aisle and walked through it, glancing at several colourful toys and play sets. He was content and was smiling at the little memory lane the shelves containing some similar toys that Blaine had when he was young, created. He didn’t realize that he bumped into the huge shelf at the end of the aisle until he felt a sharp pricking pain on his forehead.
“Sir, are you okay?” A young lady, who must be one of the employees there, came to check on him.
“Yeah, I’m good,” Blaine said as he cleared his throat and rubbed the area of sharp pain. He finally opened his eyes after a little massage to try looking at what he bumped into.
“Oh!” he gasped. Sitting on the shelf was an apparent new arrival as a poster claimed. There were so many soft otter plushies of different sizes and colours. They seemed adorable, cosy and cuddly.
“This one sir?” the lady asked, in the hope that it would attract her customer, “this is a rapidly moving product here. This one was nothing like the store had ever seen. And not to kiss up or anything, many adult and teenage people are buying these cute plushies for themselves.”
Blaine was quite impressed with the plushy. He had always loved the otters. An otter was what Blaine was always trying to be every day. Playful, charismatic and friendly. Somehow he got reminded of how he was obsessed with otters when he was a toddler and how his mother would embarrass him with the story of Blaine not having an intention of leaving the sight of otters at a zoo. She had shared the story to countless people and it had been a great story to laugh at, imagining little Blaine fussing over the otters and sticking around his mom’s legs, not allowing her to move and create a big scene. It was a different time. He loved otters even now. But he loved Kurt more.
“This one is no ordinary otter, Sir. This one can come into life with just one press and be the best cuddle buddy.” Wow! The lady was really trying to sell the otters. She picked a sample otter plushy to demonstrate for Blaine. Blaine watched curiously as she placed the plushy gently on her hand and pressed the left foot, which had a button.
She pressed and to Blaine’s surprise, the little foot imprint on the tummy of the otter, lined by a bright hot orange-tinged yellow border, started to glow and threw a bright orange light at the centre of the paw. At the same time, the otter’s chest started to elevate and drop rhythmically, almost convincing that the plushie was breathing. Breathing and sleeping peacefully. With little purrs and sounds resembling inspiration and expiration.
How could this plushie exist? Though it seemed like a little extra for a mere toy, Blaine couldn’t complain. The lady gently handed the breathing otter to Blaine’s forearm and Blaine stood there, falling slowly into the rhythm of the otter's breathing. It was like holding a newborn child and watching the child sleep calmly. Blaine was almost sold. What was the price though?
“Oh, all these plushies come with a discount. You can buy a pair just for the price of one.”
He was sold. He looked across the shelf for an apt pair. Blaine grinned as he finally found a baby blue-eared otter and a yellow-eared otter. The two cheddar-brown otters were a match made in Klaine heaven. One for Kurt and one for himself. A perfect gift to wind up his shopping.
“I’ll take these two,” Blaine confirmed and he could see the lady nodding eagerly with the satisfaction of selling her product. This was it. This was going to fill Blaine’s unsatisfied mind and bag.
***
It was past Christmas and the year was rapidly coming to an end. The new year was waiting eagerly to unravel itself and the world was so excited to welcome it. Blaine was excited too cause that meant he was only a few days away from joining Kurt in New York. But the sense of loneliness was not leaving him at any time. Especially when the house was empty with just motionless decorations and a Christmas tree. His mother had gone out to the neighbourhood and he was stuck in the bed, suffering from a bad flu that he caught, right after Christmas.
“This is no fun, Kurt. Why should I get this flu now? I can’t even move a muscle,” Blaine frowned.
“I know, honey. Getting the flu is one of the worst things to happen in this season.” Kurt spoke on the Skype screen, as he was folding his clothes.
“Honestly, I'm craving for your hot chicken soup. And your ravioli. Screw it! I’m craving everything from your hands.”
“You’re craving a hot me too?”
“Should I say that?”Blaine teased even amid the dreadful flu. Kurt’s blush was visible even on the dimly lit screen.
“But honestly, I miss you too. A lot. This ring needs its owner back. Near and very close to me.” Kurt flipped his hand, exhibiting the engagement ring, doing a little "single ladies" move.
“Don’t make me laugh, Kurt. I’m already having a hard time keeping myself from bursting into a cough.”
The gift extravaganza of Christmas for Kurt was a huge hit. Blaine had sent the little otter with yellow ears to New York and he saved the baby blue ears for himself. Kurt couldn’t stop praising and talking about the otter plushie. How comfy it was, how it replaced Bruce the boyfriend pillow rapidly. If Kurt had the money, he would buy the whole lot of otter plushies and distribute it to the whole of New York.
“You know, “Kurt got his attention back, “this otter is giving me such good company.”
“Oh no, Kurt. Not another one of your presidential speeches on promoting this otter. I sent this to you. Remember? “
“No listen, Blaine. This one is designed to match the rhythm of a human’s breath. I didn’t even notice this before. When I cuddled with this one last night, I had a near experience of cuddling a real human.”Kurt came closer to the screen, his voice a little low, “I felt you.”
Huh, interesting! Blaine was yet to put his plushie into use and he didn’t know what Kurt felt. He did have an experience of handling a sleeping toddler at the store. But the aisle was no good place to get the full experience.
“You should try too. You know, when you are craving for me.”
Blaine nodded and tugged his blanket more. The chime came from Kurt’s end followed by Kurt’s “Oh shit.”
“What happened? “Blaine groaned, his voice raspy and hoarse.
“I forgot to charge my laptop and now it's at 2%” Oh no.
“I’m so sorry, Blaine. I promised you to stay till you fall asleep. But it looks like I won’t.”
Blaine’s face fell yet he nodded understandingly. “It’s okay.” Another night of loneliness and craving for a human touch. No big deal. It would be painful but it would pass.
“I suggest you try the otter. It did wonders for me. I had a good sleep last night. You should too.”
“Noted,” Blaine replied.
“Alright, time’s up. Love you, “Kurt kissed his screen, “bye,”
Blaine raised a little to switch his laptop off and dropped again, deep into his blanket. He didn’t know if he could tolerate the wave of craving he was going to be hit with later. He knew he would get it.
***
So many twists and turns and the bed creaked almost continuously. Blaine couldn’t sleep and it was doing no favour to Blaine along with the flu. Shit!
As Blaine moved to face the ceiling, a sudden strike of Kurt’s voice, asking him to try the otter echoed. “Alright,” he sighed. He could try. There was no harm in that.
Blaine scooted a little towards the nightstand and let his hand search into the bottom-most drawer. He finally got his otter half and unwrapped it gently. He couldn’t physically. He was exhausted. Yet he had to. He was scared that he might break apart.
He positioned himself back and placed the otter beside him. He pushed the button like the lady showed and the otter came to life. Gentle breathing and a soft glow filled the room instantaneously. Blaine put his hand around the otter and brought him closer.
The gentle breathing continued and Blaine’s breathing slowly synced with the otter. He brought the otter till he touched his thin pyjama shirt. Blaine closed his eyes and started to divert his mind towards Kurt. How Kurt felt under his hand. How gentle was the rise and fall of Kurt’s chest. Blaine knew it by heart. And he was feeling it right now.
“Kurt,” he choked a little, letting a little teardrop roll on his cheek. He was home. He was home finally.
He held the otter closer and kissed it on its cheek. He continued letting his breath taken over by the otter and his mind taken over by the wonderland of dreams with Kurt. One night escape from almost breaking down. He could hold it. It was surprisingly easy. He could hold it. He would. Until he got to touch his fiance for real.
This was enough. Enough to help Blaine fall asleep. Enough to bring Kurt to him. Enough to connect Lima to New York.
“Goodnight Kurt, “ he whispered once finally and drifted off to a good slumber. This was certainly one good purchase.