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Oliver: gm! 
Red: Oh ffs...
Oliver: yk i'm getting the impression youre not a morning person
Red: Whoa, so perceptive
Oliver: oooh snarky
Red: Do you even know what time it is
Oliver: according to my calculation its about... 06:21
Oliver: could be worse
Oliver: i've been up for hours 😃
Red: 
Oliver: nooo dont be dead inside i need you to root for me
Red: Why on earth would I do that...
Oliver: b-because i've got a game today
Red: Good luck.
Oliver: 
you fr 🥲
Red: I'm going to just ignore the "dad" part there
Oliver: 
Red: Yeah, okay, I have no idea to respond to this.
Oliver: ITS A MEME THINGY
Oliver: I'M NOT ACTUALLY CALLING YOU DADDY
Red: I should hope not. Not at six thirty in the morning.
Oliver: .................... implying there are other times to call you daddy
Red: Okay, that's it, the word "daddy" is banned.
Oliver: ok daddy
Red: I hate you.
Red: I DO NOT HAVE A DADDY KINK.
Oliver: WHATEVER YOU SAY PAPPI
Red: Shut the literal fuck up T^T
Oliver: as opposed to the hypothetical fuck
Red: The only fucks I'm giving rn
Oliver: ANYWAY
Oliver: i have a game today so you have to show me support and stuff
Red: "And stuff"
Oliver: yes
Red: Okay, okay. I am sure you will do very well. You will probably win.
Oliver: oh the confidence
Red: Tbf I'm struggling to keep my phone out of the reach of my very nosey little sister and I have zero idea who the competition is.
Oliver: an absolute berk
Oliver: a serious dick
Oliver: big bag of balls
Oliver: wait no small bag of balls
Oliver: a bag of very small balls
Red: I take it you don't like this person.
Oliver: i do not! he is a cheat and bully and a dick
Oliver: so i'm going to beat his arse
Red: But why do you actually hate him again?
Oliver: ☹️
Oliver: whne i was smol a very very smol...
Oliver: ""branch"" hehe
Red: -_-
Red: Get to the point
Oliver: OKA when i was smol and full of dreams an ambitions an fluffy sparkly thoughts like wee people are meant to have he cRUSHED THEM
Oliver: BY BEING A TREMENDOUS ARSEHOLE AND PUSHING ME AROUND AND SAYING HE WAS BETTER AT FOOTBALL
Oliver: (which he is not. i have a better team. and i'm just better not to be conceited or anything but yeah i don't cheat)
Red: I have full faith in your abilities, don't worry.
Oliver: 
Oliver: he's also like homophobic and also a bit gay and i snogged him once
Red: !!
Red: I believe this is what my brother calls "a lore drop".
Red: Not to be prying or anything, but is it possible that you're actually... not feeling "hate".
Oliver: absolutely not! no
Oliver: not for that useless prick no
Oliver: ok look maybe once but its not like that
Red: Oh?
Oliver: yeah he's a dick and showed his true colours and if anything! where to happen (!) which it will not (!!!)
Oliver: i would not. be happy with that hes just only slightly attractive but thats all
Oliver: look if it were a fuck marry kill situation i'd kill him ok
Oliver: i'd marry you
Red: I see.
Red: I think I'd marry you too.
Red: Though the options are very limited. Of course.
Red: Some dick I've never met, some guy I've never met who's not a dick (you) and the mystery option
Oliver: mystery option in urself duh
Red: Oh okay, I'll kill myself then.
Oliver: RED NO
Oliver: tHAT MEANS YOUR EITHER FUCKING OR MARRYING ME OR THE DICKHEAD
Red: I just said I'm marrying you?
Oliver: you can't fuck marcus flint D:
Red: Okay 1) can't believe you're giving actual names now, I could look that up and use it to locate you
Red: And 2) ngl the name is doing him some favours.
Oliver: ok 1 i'm not good with internet safety and its whatever its not my name so 🙂
Red: That's... that's not how it works...
Oliver: and 2 NO HIS NAME DOES NOT
Oliver: CAN'T BELIVE YOUR BASING FUCKABILITY ON NAMES
Red: *Believe and *you're
Red: No idea if "fuckablity" is a word.
Red: Look, I'm just saying the name is a good name. It's a handsome name, that's all.
Oliver: you literally simp for a dude called ""spock"" you dont get a say in handsome names
Red: Rude, I told you that in confidence
Oliver: it literally sounds like a spanner or something
Oliver: mines better
Red: Yes, but I wouldn't know
Oliver: one day.... one dayyyy
Red: And his name does not sound like a spanner.
Oliver: yes it does red, yes it does
Oliver: also like.... 
why
Red: SOME PEOPLE have a certain charm, okay? Not all attraction is based on physical traits 😒
Oliver: hes like a pointy eared version of that dude from persuasion tho
Red:... a quick Google, do you mean Alan Rickman???
Oliver: yeah that dude
Red: Oh my god, no. No, he looks like my chemistry teacher D:
Oliver: welllllllllllllll
Red: No.
Oliver: i'm just saying red
Oliver: you might want to uh. examine the origins of your attraction to old spanners
Red: Literally stop, you are causing me distress.
Red: I DO NOT FIND MY CHEMISTRY TEACHER ATTRACTIVE NO, THAT'S NOW WHAT IS HAPPENING.
Oliver: ok 🙂 whatever you say 🙂 totally believe you 🙂
Oliver: you 
Red: 
Oliver: ok but why spock when you can have
Oliver: this dude 
Red: Eh.
Oliver: eh? eh?????
Oliver: tf you mean ""eh""
Red: Looks like a footballer.
Oliver: 
Oliver: implying theres something wrong with footballers?????????? 😃
Red: Nah, just... Idk. Don't really watch football by my own volition and all my siblings play it so I have to hang around sometimes.
Red: So my experience of footballers, (excluding you) is somewhat... unpleasant. They are generally not a big fan of me.
Oliver: well then they're stupid
Oliver: as a football player i happen to find you amazing
Red: Well, then you are the exception that proves the rule. But thank you. I appreciate it.
Red: I am also quite fond of our conversations.
Percy & Penny
Percy: Jesus Christ what am I doing T^T
Penny: Screenshots immediately bitch
Oliver: thanks red 🙂
Oliver: anyhoo i gtg, big day and everything
Red: Okay, bye
Red: Break a leg.
Red: Wait, no
Red: Don't do that. That's for acting
Red: Please don't break your leg
Oliver: lol dont plan on it but we'll see 😉
Red: Please?
Oliver: oki for you i shall not break a leg
Red: Good. Bye. Good luck!