Work Text:
Jealous
Clara stormed through the old doors just moments after the Tardis materialized in her bedroom, heavy footsteps alerting the Doctor she was angry and he could guess what about.
“What the hell is wrong with you?” She furiously asked, arms crossed, stopping right in front of him. He’d never seen her so cross before.
“Quite a lot actually, although my teeth are very wrong right now, toothfreeze.” He replied, deciding to just play dumb. “Oh that look…why does that look familiar?”
Clara glared and raised her hand up, righteously slapping him. The sound reverberated throughout the control room and both felt the sting of the slap.
“Ow!” He cried, the memory of her slapping him in the Dalek fresh on his cortex.
“You have no right to judge him like that!” She accused, body visibly buzzing with fury.
“Are we talking about P.E?” He asked faking naivety, knowing in advance what her reaction would be.
“You know bloody well he’s a maths teacher and his name is Danny Pink.”
“Dave, Danny, whatever. It doesn’t matter. Why are we even talking about him?”
“It does matter Doctor; it matters to me. He matters to me. So why the hell are you being so rude and condescending?”
“He’s a soldier Clara, how can you love someone like that?”
“Was! Was Doctor. He’s not a soldier anymore. He’s a teacher and he’s my boyfriend and I want to know why you don’t like him and are judging him.”
“He’s not for you.”
“Oh and you think Adrian is?” She scoffed, arms still crossed, glaring at her offender.
“Yeah, he is more your type. He’s young and he has the silly bowtie and he’s like m-”
“Like you?!” She asked with a laugh, catching his drift even though he’d caught himself.
“He’s not good enough for you Clara.” The Doctor said, voice steely and eyes hard.
“And you think you are?” She asked stepping closer to him, angrier.
“I never said me!” He cried.
“Oh yes you did. You most certainly did. You just stopped right before you finished.” She was like a Pitbull on this course of inquiry and he knew he had to think of something clever, fast to get him out of this mess.
“No I didn’t!” He yelled his denial, eyes hot, trying to show her with his firm stance that she had heard wrong.
Clara gawked for a moment then began to laugh. “Oh my God. You’re…you’re jealous!”
“I am not! I’m a Time Lord!” He scoffed, masking the bob of his adams apple.
“You’re jealous that Danny is my boyfriend and not you!” She yelled, now amused as well as angry.
“No!” He denied again.
“It’s not because Danny was a soldier that you hate him, it’s because he’s the one I’m spending my time with, going on dates, and not you! Admit it Doctor, you’re jealous!” She accused poking his chest, riling up the beast inside. “That’s why you thought Adrian was my boyfriend! Because he reminded you of who you used to look like and you were happy! Happy because you thought I was still attracted to you!” She finished off poking him again.
“YES!” He yelled at her, chest heaving as his eyes bored into her own. “But tell me Clara,” the way he said her name…it was almost a sneer, “why does my approval of your soldier mean so much to you?”
Clara shuffled back as he began to advance on her, now having the upper hand. “Because.” She answered.
“Because you care about me! You want your two boyfriends to get along, to approve of each other so you don’t feel so guilty about liking the both of us and not being able to choose!”
“No!” She denied gawking at him and the audacity he had to accuse her of such a preposterous thing. The Doctor noted that she didn’t correct him about the statement of him being her boyfriend as well and his chest puffed up just a little. “That is so not true.”
“Oh, really?” He asked still advancing on her as she back pedaled. “Then why did you keep us a secret from one another? Why did you keep him separate from our life here if you didn’t like me?”
“Because!” She cried out, her eyes flitting around scared, looking for somewhere to escape to.
“Because why Clara?” He asked pinning her against the console. She opened her mouth but no explanation was given so he gave her one instead. “Because you didn’t want him to know about the life you lead with me. You want to know why I don’t like him Clara? Because I don’t like that you’re giving him the attention that I want. Why do you think I bring you on such spectacular adventures? Did you really not see that I was trying to compete with this mystery man? He can’t give you what I can Clara and I’ve seen the way you still look at me. So yes, I am jealous that you have chosen him when I can’t see a single way that I’m not better than him for you. What can he give you that I can’t?” The anger was gone from both; and left in its wake was tears, hurt, and confusion.
Tears dripping down her face, Clara looked up at him and replied with, “Love.”
Her word sent the Doctor reeling and he stumbled back as if she’d just stabbed him. He looked pained and insulted. “You think I don’t love you?” He asked with a whisper.
“I know you’re not capable of it.” She cried holding onto the console as more tears fell, her voice quivering.
“Clara…” He breathed out taking steps forward back to her. He touched a hand to her face and caressed her cheek. “How could I not love you? You’re my impossible girl.”
“Then why don’t you show it? Why don’t you tell me?” She cried out looking hurt, as though those very questions had plagued her for weeks.
“I have been!” He defended, having no clue what she could possibly mean. Clara looked at him as though he’d grown another eye. “I have!” He cried. “I believed in a Dalek because you asked me too, I robbed a bank with you as a date, I took you to see Robin hood, could you not see how jealous I was that you were showing him affection?”
“You think all that made it obvious you loved me?” She asked in disbelief. “Doctor…obvious is you flirting with me and being charming, taking me out to dinner just the two of us, telling me you fancy me, that’s obvious! You told me loud and clear that you couldn’t be my boyfriend so I moved on! Nothing you did made it obvious that you loved me because I just thought you were being childish, not jealous! God…all this time?” She asked, more tears falling. “All this time and you still liked me. You really are thick.” She said with a shake of her head and a glare.
The Doctor looked at her with sad eyes. “I was trying, I thought it was clear.”
“If you were clear you would have come up to me, looked me in the eye and kissed me. But you didn’t and now it’s too late becau-” The Doctor grabbed her shoulders and pulled her into his arms until their faces were inches apart. Her breath hitched as his hand caressed her face and he gazed into her eyes. For a moment they just stood, staring into each others eyes. As Clara searched his eyes she didn’t find it hard to see his affection for her now. It’s like he was looking at her and seeing something even more beautiful than the stars and constellations just above their heads. For a moment everything in her mind blanked and then she heard his voice in her head.
‘I’ve always loved you Clara and I’ll never be able to stop.’
She responded in thought without meaning to, without even thinking about the words she said back to him. ‘I love you too.’
He smiled and tilted her chin up closing the space between them, their lips touching in a gentle embrace. As they kissed a universe exploded behind Clara’s eyes and she could see the Doctor’s thoughts and memories. She saw the secret longing looks at her and heard the whispers of how beautiful he thought she looked when she smiled. The psychic link stole her breath away and she had to end the kiss much sooner than she would have liked.
The Doctor leaned his forehead on hers and kept his eyes closed. “Never doubt my love and affections for you Clara Oswald.”
“I didn’t know.”
“I know. I saw your thoughts. I’m sorry. I’ll try harder to show you so you don’t doubt me.”
“I’m sorry.” She apologized, eyes wet again with tears. “I should have known.”
“Love makes us blind.” He whispered in her ear kissing her cheek. “I’m sorry.” Clara wondered what he was apologizing for until she heard the slam of a door and jumped, her eyes darting to the Tardis doors.
“Danny.” She whispered, the word getting caught in her throat. She’d forgotten that he’d been waiting for her in the living room. She moved out of the Doctor’s embrace and took off running out the door trying to catch up to her boyfriend who had just watched her kiss the Doctor and heard their conversation after. “Danny! Wait, please! Let me explain!” Clara called after him as he made haste to her front door.
“Explain what Clara?” He asked stopping in the living room, throwing up his hands in exasperation. “My eyes and ears told me all I need to know. You let him kiss you Clara. He stood there confessing and you let him Clara. You like him.”
“Danny, please I…it’s not like that.”
“Really, because I beg to differ. Look Clara, I love you, I really do but…you clearly love him.”
“No Danny, I love you.” Clara argued not sure if she was trying to convince Danny or herself, tears in her eyes.
“I believe you.” He said with a sad smile. “But I think you love him too. You can’t have us both so you have to choose.”
“What?” She asked suddenly frozen.
“It’s me or him Clara, you can’t have us both.”
“But I…”
“Have to choose, now. Me or The Doctor, Clara. Who’s it gonna be.”
‘Sometimes the only choices you have are bad ones but you still have to choose Clara.’ The Doctor spoke softly to her.
“No, no shut up. Don’t say that.” She said both to Danny and The Doctor. “Don’t make me choose, please. I can’t Danny.” Tears were streaming down her face, her heart breaking into two.
“Yes you can Clara, and you have to. I won’t try and compete for you, this is your choice and you have to choose who it’s gonna be. Me or him.”
“Danny, how could you ask this of me? You both mean so much to me. I can’t possibly choose.” Her mind was reeling at the thought of picking one over the other but one memory was on constant repeat in her head. Her kiss with the Doctor that had quite literally stolen her breath.
“Clara, let me make it easy for you. You’re always going to go back to him. It doesn’t matter what you feel for me because you can’t give up travelling with him. He’s always your first call, and he’ll be the one you turn to for anything. I’m just convenient. I’m the guy who makes you feel as though you still have a normal life. I’m never going to be your priority and that’s that. Just try and tell me I’m wrong Clara!” Danny cried out to her, tears streaming down his own face. Clara opened her mouth and moved it trying to make sounds, to say he was wrong but nothing came out.
“That’s what I thought.” He said softly, nodding. “You and me…we’ve just always had a different way of thinking Clara. You’ve always wanted to see more of the universe and I’ve always wanted to stay here and explore the wonders that Earth has. It was always going to come to this, I just kept ignoring it because I loved you so much. But this is where we part Clara, because I’ll always take second place to him and we both know that in our heart.” Danny leaned forward and kissed her cheek before turning his back, heading back to her front door. Clara was screaming inside for her feet to move, to go after Danny but still they remained rooted in place. He opened the door and began to walk out, pausing in the doorway to turn back around. “Goodbye Clara.”
“Goodbye.” She whispered, tears falling. As soon as her door shut she gasped and was about to fall onto her knees when she felt a hand slip into hers and squeeze it tightly. An arm wrapped around her waist and kept her upright. Clara turned around and saw the Doctor standing there, a thin frown on his lips.
“I’m sorry.” He whispered drawing her into a hug as she began to sob. “It’s okay, it’s going to be okay Clara.” He soothed holding her tightly.
“This is your fault.” She mumbled against his shoulder.
“I know. I’m so sorry.”
“So bloody jealous. I guess now you don’t have anything to worry about Doctor.” She muttered emotionless.
“This isn’t what I wanted Clara. I never wanted to make you sad and make your eyes all big and puffy.”
“What did you expect Doctor? That after we’d kiss that I’d just giggle and kiss you back and we’d run off and have another adventure?
“I thought you might slap me and hate me actually.” He said looking down at his feet.
“You’re a bloody idiot is what you are.”
“It’s a rollercoaster with you tonight, isn’t it?” He asked, eyes wide in confusion.
“I could never hate you Doctor, I meant what I told Danny. I love you…but I love him too.”
“Not enough to choose him though.” He said looking down at her.
“No, he chose to give me up.”
“No Clara…he showed you mercy so you wouldn’t have to bear hating yourself for choosing me.”
“Why are you both so convinced that I would choose you?!” She yelled in frustration pushing him back and ripping herself from his embrace.
“You choose me over him every time you have a date and I show up. You gave up your life for me Clara! It doesn’t matter how much you try to cover it up, how much you lie to yourself, you’ve always chosen me and you’ll always choose me the same way I will always…always choose you.” He spoke, taking her shoulders and pulling her back to him but she kept her eyes averted to the ground.
The tears began to dry on her face as she slowly moved into acceptance but a single one dropped onto her face from above. She looked up and saw the glistening tear track from the Doctor. “What are you crying about?” She sniffled.
“I’ve hurt you and I’m so sorry Clara.” His voice cracked.
“Stop apologizing Doctor. You said it yourself…it was only a matter of time.” She said pulling herself from his embrace. She sniffled and gave him a small smile with a pat to his coat. “I need sleep. Goodnight Doctor.”
“Goodnight…Clara Oswald.” He let her go and followed behind to go back into his Tardis.
“We’ll talk tomorrow, promise.” Clara amended, climbing into bed.
“Yeah.” He said opening up the door to his Tardis and slowly disappearing in, guilt ridden from hurting so deeply.
XxxxXXxxxJealousxxxXXxxxX
It wasn’t her alarm that woke her up like it should have, it wasn’t even the birds merrily chirping, it was the sound of her front door slamming shut. She jolted awake and quickly looked to her clock, 8:45. She was late! School had started over an hour ago, how did she miss her alarm? But first she had to worry about her intruder. She slipped out of bed and carefully advanced towards the sound of ruffling bags, picking up her taser along the way. When she found the source of the noise as hard as she tried to be annoyed, she just couldn’t. She kept her presence unknown but rolled her eyes. It was just the Doctor and from the looks of it he had brought her breakfast and coffee. A pang resounded in her chest and she tried telling her heart not to feel so giddy over the gesture.
‘I can feel you Clara’ his voice said in her head, his mouth quirking up in a smile. She jumped a little at the sudden intrusion but quickly regained her composure.
“How did you know I was here?” She asked coming out of her hiding spot in the corner, putting the taser down.
“I always know when you’re near me.” He simply replied, glancing up at her as he put their breakfast from to-go boxes onto plates.
“Doctor, I can’t eat breakfast with you, I’m late for school. My stupid alarm clock never went off.”
“I know. I shut it off and called your boss letting him know you had to take a personal day for health reasons.”
“What? Why would you do that? I’m not sick, I’m perfectly fine.”
“I was googling how to deal with a break up and everything says that you should take some time to yourself, especially since you see…him... at work. I went to some place down the street and the lady there said that you would want pancakes after a break up. She said she knew you.”
Clara couldn’t hold back the small smile. “Bobbi. Yeah…I go there sometimes when I’m down and she always makes me her infamous pumpkin spice pancakes, doesn’t matter the season.”
“She asked me if I was your uncle. And then when I said no, she asked me if I was your sugar daddy. What does that mean?” Clara blushed and waved a hand in dismissal.
“Forget about it, it’s nothing. Let’s uh, let’s eat since you took the time to go get this lovely food and cancel work for me.” The Doctor seemed to sense some of her discomfort and agreed willingly.
They sat down at her table by the window and began eating in silence, occasionally sipping their coffee. After minutes of an awkward silence the Doctor finally launched into a conversation about his Tardis.
“So, I uh was doing this repair on the center console and I managed to create this room in the Tardis, it’s a small little movie theater, but I’m not quite sure if it looks how it should or if something from the inside is missing. And that got me thinking, surely you would be a better authority on the matter; and I was wondering if maybe you’d like to watch a movie with me and tell me if there are any improvements that should be made.”
“Doctor, are you trying to ask me out on a date?” She asked, lips turning up at the corners in amusement.
“What? No, that’s…a good man wouldn’t try and make a move mere hours after such a bad breakup.”
“No, they wouldn’t. But you’re not that good of a man Doctor.” Clara said, more than a little amused now.
“So, that’s a no then?” He asked, face falling a little.
Clara couldn’t help but wonder why her stomach did flips when he looked at her that way. She hadn’t been affected this way before. Maybe it was because now she didn’t have to feel guilty about loving him. Maybe this was really how it was supposed to be. But she had to make a decision about him. Did she want to date him? Sure they’d had that mind blowing kiss last night and he professed his love for her, but did she want the same thing he did? She closed her eyes and went deep into her brain, trying to process everything. She felt a familiar presence in her head but said nothing, instead she let him in, let him see her mental process.
Before Danny had come along she had wanted the Doctor and she suspected that she still did otherwise she would have been able to speak up last night. She thought on all of their adventures together, of the way he had tried to flirt with her, of his now clear jealous behavior towards both Robin Hood and Danny. She thought about how he made her feel whenever she was with him, he made her feel special. She always turned to him no matter how she was feeling and now she knew that she always would. Her life was intertwined with the Doctor’s and had been from the first day she met him. She thought of the way Danny made her feel and her relationship with him and looking at them in perspective now, she could see that she had always prioritized the Doctor and then gave Danny whatever leftover time or energy she had left. She frowned realizing just how awful of a girlfriend she’d been to him and he had been right too. She’d let the Doctor kiss her and she’d enjoyed it…thouroughly. Oh God how she enjoyed that kiss, she didn’t want it to end. She opened her eyes, decision made. She noticed how the Doctor tried to seem busy as though he hadn’t just been rifling through her mind.
She laughed a little and said to him, “I know that you saw everything I was thinking. I could feel you in my mind.” To his credit he did look ashamed and that only made Clara laugh harder. “It’s okay Doctor, it just means less I have to say. Yes, I’ll go on a date with you just so long as there is nothing dangerous that pops up.”
His face lit up and he began rambling about all the different movies he had stowed away in a bookshelf. She smiled and went back to her meal, content with just listening to him ramble on and on. It was actually rather cute. Who would have thought a little jealousy would be good for course correcting?
XxxxXXxxxEndxxxXXxxxX