Chapter Text
Castiel was in the waiting room, looking at a fixed point on the white wall. It was blue, probably a medicine stain they never bothered to erase. The sound of people passing by was so constant that Cas managed to block it completely from his mind. That's why he didn't hear Sam when he arrived at the hospital.
“I dropped Jess off at a hotel outside of Lawrence.” Castiel didn't want to see him, so his eyes remained on the blue spot. His eyes were stingy “Have they said anything about Dean's condition?”
Castiel stood up from his seat. He couldn't think clearly. His heart hurt because of how hard it was beating, and the doctors didn't tell him anything, just to wait, wait, and wait for 11 hours or more. Cas hadn't even called his mother, Charlie, or Bobby to give them the news.
Another boy that was in labor, maybe 17 or 20 at tops, was now dead. Half an hour ago, a doctor went to his mother, and the lady hand't stop crying his eyes out. No baby, no son.
“Cas?” Sam looked so small in the plastic chair.
"No." His throat hurt.
Samuel let a second pass, breathed too hard for Castiel's liking, and opened his mouth again.
“You know… I've represented some clients whose partners died in the hospital after giving birth. I have done research, and I know that the mortality rate in men over 30 is too high.” Oh, Castiel didn't want to hear that. He didn't want to hear it, never. “Why did you keep going if everyone knew he could die? He's my brother”
“Because unlike you, Samuel, I respect and encourage Dean's wishes.”
“But he could die! Don’t you understand?”
A nurse at his station made a sign for them to remain silent.
“I get it, Sam!” Castiel had to control himself. If he screamed one more time, the hospital staff would kick him out. “I understand Dean's need to have his own family after losing his mother to the fire. His father to the alcohol and his brother to greatness. And I love him enough to carry out that dream because I took care of him for nine months. For years when nobody else was there. Because I love him. I love your brother.”
By this time, Sam was already crying. He looked miserable in his place, and Castiel would also be crying in his shoes.
“When… When you said the thing about depression and anorexia when we were at your place, what did you mean, Cas? "
“When his father... Your father died. After months of caring for John so that he wouldn't drown in his vomit, Dean's life was suddenly empty of purpose, and he saw no need to eat or to sleep. He didn’t see the need to answer the calls or pay attention to Bobby at the time, and you didn't answer his calls.” Castiel ran his hand over his face, needing time to himself. That story was not his to tell. “When John died, he was waiting for you to come to see him because you're his little brother, Sam. He always loved you so much more than he loves me, probably more than he loves himself. But you never arrived. You didn't even answer his calls.”
“I had… I had things…”
“Important things to do. I know. We know.”
“ Do you think he will ever forgive me?”
Castiel breathed for ten seconds, then another twenty, and held his breath.
“Dean would forgive you as soon as you apologized, I'm sure. But I’m also sure you would break his heart without hesitation, Sam.”
Sam stood crying in his place as Castiel walked through the hospital hallways. He needed to clear his mind about the horrible scenarios Samuel had put in his head.
He had discussed with Dean the possibility of him dying in childbirth, and Castiel had agreed to accept his fate if Dean perished. He had agreed to it, but he hadn't made his peace of mind with the idea. And if the pregnancy went well, the chance of more babies was just around the corner. And Dean surely wants a ton of babies. Probability a football team. And it was so hurtful, the hope and the fear.
An hour after his discussion with Sam, who was still in the chair, a doctor came out to report to the parents present. Dean's name came up among them.
“D. Winchester. Male infant, five and a half pounds, twenty inches. The person who gave birth is in the baby room and can receive visitors now.”
Samuel stood up from his spot and looked at Castiel, nodded in silent agreement, and let Cas pass in front of him.
As he passed, Sam had the first genuine smile Castiel had seen on him all day.
In the baby room, a huge window separated the mothers from the people passing through the hospital. Four beds were occupied, in the farthest one, and under a dim light was Dean, his hair stuck to his forehead, and he had a small creature on his chest. He looked glowing, exhausted, and so happy Castiel couldn't wait to be by his side.
The nurses guided him to Dean's bed after checking his information. Dean looked up to follow him with his eyes.
“Hello, new dad” Dean looked so tired and covered in sweat.
“Hey…hey.”
“Don't cry, Cas.”
Dean started to cry when Castiel touched him.
Cas took Dean into his arms, as best he could, to kiss his hair, and his forehead and if he could have knelt next to the bed he would have, but instead he put a hand on the baby's small body. He fit perfectly in Dean's hands, and his tiny face looked angry as he fed from Dean's body. The baby's hands and feet were covered by small gloves. Jack's hands and feet. His little blanket was blue, so he was a Jack. Just Jack.
“He looks like you,” Dean spoke in a quiet voice, so soft that Castiel had to look at him to make sure he hadn't hallucinated.
“He's too perfect to look like me. But I will accept the compliment.”
Castiel kissed Dean as soon as he noticed the blonde looking at him expectantly. It had only been thirteen hours of labor, but God he missed his husband.
“The doctor said I have to stay under surveillance for a week to make sure everything goes well, Cas… But Jack can go home with you tomorrow.”
“We can stay here, I’m not going to leave you.”
“Tsh, sure, but they said Jack would be better off at home. After all, he has his dad there to take care of him. And I will arrive in a few days.” Dean ran the pad of his finger over the baby's delicate cheeck skin. “Oh, oh, the dorctor also said that if I have no complications by the end of the week, we can continue having babies.”
“Do you want more?” At that moment, Jack kicked Cas's hand. “Maybe later?”
“We can wait a year. Get married in the church so that Nora doesn’t say that we live in sin.”
“Mother doesn’t think that.”
“ Nah, I know, I know, but I want a wedding. With you. Like… a big wedding.”
Castiel could imagine that perfectly fine.