Chapter Text
The smell of the dining room is almost unbearable. It makes Charlie’s stomach turn the second he steps inside with Nick. He can’t help it: he quickly smashes his face into Nick’s side again with a small whimper, just to make the smells go away.
“Shhh, tell me what I can do to help?” Nick’s voice calms him, even if just for a few seconds.
“The food smells,” he replies, trying not to lift his head up too much. “It’s so much, Nick. Too much.”
“It’s okay, Charlie. It’s alright. I’m here. The staff are really good at dealing with eating disorders. They won’t make you eat anything you can’t handle. They’ll want you to have at least a bite of something, but we could always sit outside on the patio to eat if you’d like? That’s where me and my friends usually sit anyway.”
Charlie nods instantly, craving the fresh air more than he can even express.
“Perfect,” Nick replies gently. “Let’s get our plates first, and then we can take them outside and enjoy all the nature, okay?”
Grabbing plates. Charlie can do that. It doesn’t mean he has to eat it all just because he takes it. Nick’s already assured him he won’t be forced to eat things he doesn’t want. But the prospect is still daunting. Even more so when they finally approach the serving counter and get their plates. Charlie almost starts sobbing again when he sees what’s on the plate: fish, mashed potatoes, and cooked veggies.
None of it is a safe food. He won’t be able to eat any of it and then Nick and all the staff members will get upset and they’ll force him to eat it anyway but he can’t he can’t he can’t-
“Charlie?”
It’s only then that he realizes, vaguely, how hard he’s breathing in Nick’s arms.
“I can’t, Nick, I can’t eat it I can’t. It’s not safe. None of it is safe, please don’t make me eat any of it, please!” He’s proper sobbing now, taking great heaving breaths as he tries to curl in on himself. Nick must think he’s so useless now, so pathetic and stupid. Any minute he’s going to yell at Charlie now, push him away, ask him why he’s such a problem? Just like Ben had.
Or…maybe not. Because the second he tells him he can’t eat what’s on the plate, Nick is pushing it back towards the chef, and looking down at him with so much genuine concern in his eyes that it only makes Charlie sob harder, this time out of relief that at least Nick isn’t going to be mean.
“Can you eat an apple?” He asks. “Is that a safe food? We always have fruits we can take at any time we want. There’s red apples, Granny Smith apples, some tangerines and a few bananas too. You can take your pick.”
“I-I like Granny Smith,” Charlie replies in a soft, still-frightened tone.
“I’ll give up my plate too then,” Nick says to the chef. “Fruit’s sweeter anyway.”
“Oh, Nick, you don’t have to starve because of me,” Charlie feels instantly guilty.
“I won’t starve, Charlie. Between you and me, my mum’s coming to visit tonight and she’s bringing some Maccies. Burgers are so much better than fish anyway. Besides, the smell makes you uncomfortable, and I want mealtimes to be safe for you, Charlie. Always.”
Charlie nearly sobs in relief all over again, letting Nick lead him over to the small fruit basket filled with plenty of safe foods for Charlie. He grabs only a single Granny Smith apple, while Nick grabs a small handful of fruits to munch on, and then the two make their way out onto the patio, and Charlie watches Nick beam at two girls who are already sitting at a table together.
“Hi Nick!” The blonde girl calls out, and Charlie feels his nerves kick in all over again as Nick carefully leads him over to the table.
“Charlie? This is Tara and Darcy. Girls, this is Charlie, my new roommate.”
The girls say their hellos, smiling and waving up at him, even as Charlie leans into Nick even more.
“Shy one, are you?” Darcy, the blonde, asks with a grin. “That’s alright. We’ll get you out of your shell in no time. We always do with newcomers.”
“O-Oh,” Charlie replies, heart still pounding in terror in his chest. He’s never been the greatest with meeting new people. Not since all the bullying. New people are always a toss up. They could be kind and have the patience of a saint like Nick. Or they could be exactly like Ben and all of Charlie’s bullies back at school. He’s never entirely sure which it is with new people, so tends to avoid them at all costs if he can.
“Do you two want to sit with us?” Tara asks. She appears friendly enough, but perhaps she and Darcy are totally different people when Nick’s not around.
“Sure, if that’s okay with Charlie, of course,” says Nick.
Charlie’s terrified at being given a choice. If he says no, Nick might get upset with him. But if he says yes, he’ll have to sit with girls who may potentially turn out to be bullies later on. Still, the thought of upsetting Nick in any way is what makes the decision for him. “Sure, I guess,” he mutters, trying not to look as panicked as he feels.
They both sit next to each other, with Nick next to Tara, and Charlie next to Darcy, who certainly seems to be the more curious and outgoing of the two. Which turns out to be bad news for Charlie, given his status as ‘the new boy.’
“Only an apple for dinner tonight?” She asks, staring curiously at him as she tucks into her fish, which Charlie realizes he can smell now that they’re in such close proximity. “Are you not a fish fan then?”
“Darce…” Tara at least has the good sense to notice how pale Charlie is looking. Again. “Let the boy enjoy his apple without playing twenty questions the second he sits down, won’t you?”
“Sorry,” Darcy mutters, at least looking somewhat contrite. “I was only curious.”
Nick tries his best to turn the conversation to rugby, and he’s eating his own array of fruit nice and slow. But of course, Tara and Darcy don’t know. And Charlie is too scared to tell them. So they eat at a normal pace. A pace that’s too fast for Charlie and only makes him anxiously fiddle with his apple as he tries to determine whether or not he actually can eat at least a bite of it.
Nick’s the only one who’s been watching him closely the entire time. Seeming to sense the problem, he tries to save Charlie from drowning altogether.
“Slow down, you two, or you’ll choke. Haven’t you ever heard of enjoying your meal?” He fakes a teasing smile at them. Charlie knows it’s fake because Nick never looks that worried when he smiles. The girls seem to notice it too, and immediately call him out on it in a way that only makes Charlie feel even worse about the whole ordeal.
“And what are you over there looking so worried about?” Darcy asks. Her eyes then turn to Charlie, who Nick hasn’t stopped staring at. It’s well meaning, Charlie knows, but now it’s drawn attention he doesn't want. “You haven’t had a single bite of your Apple yet, Charlie. No wonder Nick is so worried. He’s protective of all his friends, always. Everything okay?”
Charlie shoves away the apple, biting down hard on his lip to keep from crying in front of them. He doesn’t want to be mercilessly mocked by the two girls. “I’m not hungry anymore…”
Darcy frowns, but Tara nudges her, hard. “Nick, Charlie, will you excuse us for a moment?” She gives Charlie a look like maybe she understands he needs some space, and he’s relieved when she takes Darcy with her.
~~~~
Nick is trying so hard. Doing his absolute best to try and distract Charlie and make him feel comfortable. It’s Darcy and Tara that are making him so nervous. He hasn’t touched his apple yet, except to twist the stem off and toss the apple between his hands all throughout dinner. He already knows the staff won’t let Charlie leave until he’s taken at least one bite of something. If he can’t manage that, they’ll make him down an entire Ensure. He doesn’t know who’s on the evening shift yet. Ange has likely headed home already, and while most of the staff are just genuinely trying to help, there are some that can be quite stern sometimes, which will only make Charlie panic even more. And if Charlie panics even more, then he may not even be able to get the Ensure down. And if that happens, they’ll have to send him to hospital. He’ll go inpatient again until his eating situation is more stable. He’ll be scared and alone and absolutely miserable, and Nick is terrified at the thought of Charlie going through that. So when Tara and Darcy finally mercifully leave with their plates of fish, Nick begs as hard as he can.
“Charlie, please, you have to eat something. Do you not want the apple anymore? I’ve got a banana. Is that a safe food? Or a piece of my tangerine? I-I’ve got some candy up in our room. Chocolates. Do you want those instead?”
Something about how desperate he sounds seems to get through to Charlie, though he looks guilty as he pulls his apple back towards his body.
“I’m sorry,” he murmurs. “I don’t mean to worry you.”
“It’s not-it’s not your fault,” Nick replies, reaching out to take one of Charlie’s hands in his own. “I should’ve had us eat alone. I shouldn’t have suggested…god, now you’re stressed and it’ll be even harder for you to eat and what if you can’t and they have to send you to hospital and then I’m stuck here not knowing what’s happened to you or being able to comfort or protect you in any way and-“
“Nick!” Charlie’s voice is louder than it’s ever been. Not by much. But Nick can see why, when he stops talking and realizes his own breathing’s gone shaky again.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I’m totally making this all about me now and you must be so annoyed-“
“Shhhhh, no s-word. If I can’t say it then you aren’t allowed to either.” Charlie squeezes his hand gently. “Now you’ve helped me so much, Nick. I want to know what I can do to help you back.”
“I-I don’t need-I should be helping you eat-“
“I’ll eat, Nick,” Charlie soothes, and the words instantly fill Nick with relief. “But let’s try and get your breathing down as well, okay?”
To Nick’s immense surprise, Charlie actually takes a bite from his apple, and Nick slumps in his chair in relief, starting up on his box breathing to try and calm himself even more.
“There. Deep breaths, Nick. It’s okay. I’m here. I’m safe. I’m so sorry that I worried you like this and made you think I’d go away. I’d never Nick, but even if I did I’d always call you. Always. I have your number now, remember?”
The words only seek to soothe Nick even more, and he lets out a half-hearted, “No s-word,” before squeezing Charlie’s hand just a little more.
“Right, okay, no s-word,” Charlie agrees in such a gentle tone that Nick can’t help but relax. “It’s okay, Nick. Look. I’m going to have another bite of my apple. Will that help you feel even better?” And Charlie does. This one’s an even bigger bite than before. And Nick does feel better, knowing Charlie’s eating, that he, at least, won’t starve. That he won’t be sent away.
“Having a panic attack’s probably not a great way to get you to eat, is it?” He asks guiltily.
“It’s alright, Nick. You didn’t mean to have one. It’s all okay. And it’s a surprisingly decent motivator anyway. I don’t like to see you so upset. It scared me a little. I mean, I knew you had panic attacks, but I didn’t think they’d be over me.”
“I had one when you fainted too,” Nick admits softly, grateful when Charlie only gives a small chuckle instead of getting annoyed about it.
“Yeah, I gathered you had from what Elle had said,” he replies. “And based off how worried you looked when I came to. You’re really bad at hiding your emotions, you know?” He smiles, and Nick can’t help but smile back.
“I just care so much about you,” he admits softly, his stomach doing a funny flip when Charlie blushes slightly at the words.
“I care about you too, Nick,” he replies, and then it’s Nick who’s blushing, without really understanding why.
“Thanks for helping me with my panic attack,” he says, almost shyly as he looks back up at Charlie.
“Thanks for helping me eat,” Charlie replies back.
And when he takes another bite of his apple, Nick can’t help but watch him the entire time.