Archive of Our Own ^beta

1.

Steve was pretty young when he had his first kiss. So young some people might not even count it as a first kiss, because he was only five years old.

It was a warm summer day and most of their friends from kindergarten were on vacation or at least home with their parents. Not Steve and Tommy though. Steve and Tommy were at “daycare” of Hawkins Country Club, because their parents preferred drinking margaritas, pretending they were good at golf and tennis and talking shit about poor people all summer over spending time with their children. (Not that Steve and Tommy realized that at the time. No, those realizations came way later.)

For now, they were just happy. As happy as five year olds were when it was sunny, warm and they were allowed to dig through dirt because the dirt was called sand box and there was a bored teen keeping an eye on them for a couple bucks an hour.

“Look, Tommy that’s you,” Steve said and pointed at a figure on top of the sand castle they were building.

“That’s a blob of sand.”

Steve turned his head a little. “What’s a blob?”

“A funny word.” Tommy grinned. Steve giggled. He wanted to explain to his best friend how Tommy was in the tower, because he was a princess in danger and that Steve had made himself out of sand too. And that he could save Tommy from the tower.

But he got distracted because Tommy leaned over and pressed his finger to Steve’s nose. Steve squirmed away. “Tommy!” he laughed. His hand had been warm and now he had sand on his nose. Steve wiped it off.

“You’re really red.”

“What?”

“Whenever I’m red like that my mama says to get out of the sun. Because it burns. I think.”

“Oh.” Steve’s mama had never said that. She also didn’t really like when he said mama. So he didn’t, not anymore. He had liked it when he heard Tommy say it to his, had wanted to do it, but he’d stopped right after his mom had looked at him weird.

“Come on.” Tommy grabbed Steve’s hand and the boys stood up, not really caring about the sand everywhere on their clothes and skin. Tommy pulled and Steve trailed after him clumsily, almost tripping over the edge of the sandbox.

“Boys!” Monique pushed her sunglasses down on her nose and looked at them over the edge. “Where’re you going?”

“That tree over there. It burns in the sun.” Steve looked at Tommy and the boy just nodded.

“Alright, just stay where I can see you,” Monique said, eyes already back on her magazine, sliding the sunglasses back into place.

“Okay.”

They went and when they reached the tree the two of them laid down in the grass, and Steve thought that Tommy had been right, that Tommy was always right, because the shade of the tree did feel very good on his skin.

For a while they just laid there, ripping out some of the grass under their hands to play with it, having a little fight with small sticks they found and then Tommy poked Steve so much he couldn’t stop giggling.

“Tommyy, stop!” he whined.

Tommy stopped. But not because of Steve’s pleading apparently, but because something else had caught his attention. “Steve, look,” he whispered, nudging his shoulder. Steve turned to the other side and saw that there was a boy standing next to Monique’s lounger now, talking to her and she had put the magazine down on her belly, looking up at him.

The guy then leaned down and – Steve squinted a little, cocking his head. “Why do people do that?” he asked.

“Hm.” Tommy scratched his cheek. “My mom says people kiss because they like each other. Her and daddy do it all the time.”

Steve scrunched up his little face again and bit his lip. “Do my parents kiss?”

“I don’t know,” Tommy said. “I think they have to. They’re married.”

“But Monique isn’t married.”

“No. So that means she likes the guy. I think.”

“So when people really like each other they just kiss?”

Tommy nodded. “Yes.”

“But you’re my best friend,” Steve said, “I really like you.”

At that, Tommy smiled bright. “I really like you too, Steve.”

“Does that mean we have to kiss?”

“Hm,” Tommy said, again, and Steve thought he looked like he probably had never thought about that before. “Maybe.”

“Okay.”

For a while they didn’t say anything. And then Steve just rolled over so he was facing Tommy more and leaned forward.

It was fast and just a press of lips to lips, but when Steve pulled away again, he was smiling. He had kind of liked that. Tommy’s skin was soft. And Steve liked touches in general. He took every opportunity to hold someone’s hand, or get a hug, like from Monique or their kindergarten teachers or Tommy’s mama.

So feeling Tommy’s lips and then his cheek against his own had felt kind of…nice.

But then Monique called for them and they ran back over to her, and because they were five years old, they sort of forgot about the whole thing.

2.

Grandpa Otis was Steve’s favorite grandpa. Granted, he only had two of them, but Grandpa Jimmy was so grumpy all the time, always telling him to stand up straight and eat good food and slapping him on the back with just a bit too much force for it not to sting.

Grandpa Otis wasn’t like that. Grandpa Otis was gentle. He was good to Steve, he let him climb trees when he wanted to, explained things to him when he didn’t immediately understand and read him bedtime stories until Steve’s eyes fell shut. He’d once explained to Steve that he’d experienced so much violence back in the war that he’d vowed to himself to only be peaceful from now on. That he would never be a man to raise his voice.

Sometimes Steve wondered where his father had gotten that from, then.

As it was, every time his parents let him stay with Grandpa Otis, Steve was over the moon. It was one of the few places where he felt completely comfortable and safe and not like he was maybe a little slow or like he could do anything seriously wrong.

And Grandpa Otis loved showing Steve things. Different types of birds, the landscapes he liked to paint, the little wooden figurines he liked to carve and, most of all, old movies. He had a whole collection of tapes with movies in only black and white. Some of them even without real dialogue. Only music and then text, which Grandpa Otis always read out loud, because he knew Steve wasn’t really fast with his reading.

He’d explain everything to him if Steve didn’t understand certain things and he’d pull a blanket over him if Steve fell asleep on his shoulder.

However, some of the movies were not appropriate for such a young boy, his grandfather would say sometimes and tonight seemed to be one of those nights. Grandpa Otis had put Steve to bed, tucked him in and read him a bedtime story, before he left Steve to fall asleep and watch his movie.

But Steve couldn’t sleep. He dozed off a little, but he woke up again and again, sometimes feeling like he was falling and other weird sensations, so after a long while of tossing and turning and contemplating in his head what he should do, if he could really disturb his grandfather after his bed time, he decided that no, this was his grandpa, not his father and Grandpa Otis wouldn’t get mad at him.

So he got out of his bed, tiptoed out of his room and down the stairs where he could hear some music coming from the living room. He knocked on the door and heard his grandpa move around. “Steve, is that you? Come on in!”

Steve opened the door and entered the room, closing it behind him. His grandfather smiled at him from the sofa, holding up one end of the blanket. “Can’t sleep?”

Steve shook his head and Grandpa Otis smiled even warmer, if that was even possible. “Come here, then. You can watch the ending of the movie with me, all the inappropriate parts are over.”

Steve smiled, practically ran over to the couch and climbed up on it, settling into his grandfather’s side, who pulled the blanket over him and patted his arm.

“What’s happening?” Steve asked, when he looked up at the tv because there was a man lying on a daybed, and the music felt sad for some reason and everyone looked a little upset.

“That man there got hurt really bad,” his grandfather explained. “He doesn’t have a lot of time.”

“Is he dying?”

Steve could just feel his grandfather nodding.

A man with an aviator’s cap rushed over to the dying man and fell to his knees, holding him. Steve scrunched up his nose. He still didn’t really understand what exactly was going on.

“That man is his closest friend,” his grandfather explained, as if he’d heard Steve’s confusion. “And he was the one who shot him down, but it was an accident.”

“Oh,” Steve breathed. “That’s so sad.”

“Yeah,” Grandpa Otis agreed. “It’s really sad.”

The man stood up and took off his cap, talking to someone else, the dialogue was too fast for Steve to keep up.

“He thinks they still have time to save him,” Grandpa Otis explained.

“But they don’t?”

The man on screen shook his head and Steve could read the next phrase but he didn’t understand it.

“That was french.” Grandpa Otis gave Steve a smile, but it was dull and sad. “It means that’s the war.”

“Oh.” Steve was wondering if something similar had happened to Grandpa Otis during the war. The thought made him sad and he quickly glanced up at him.

Grandpa Otis just hugged Steve a little closer to his side and Steve looked back at the tv. The man who’d taken the cap off now looked devastated. And then his friend pleaded him to stay with him and he fell back to his knees, hugging the man, burying his face in his chest, sobbing. Steve felt his heart tighten a little and his eyes welling up, but he blinked the tears away.

They pulled apart, but only inches and talked about something, Steve couldn’t keep up, but he didn’t feel like the dialogue was that important right now anyway. He just stared at the screen, at the two men clinging to each other.

And then the one man (Jack, if Steve was correct) leaned down and pressed a kiss on the edge of the other’s mouth, eyes pressed close. It looked passionate and so, so sad and Steve did his best to not start crying. He was eight years old, for god’s sake, he needed to get a grip, he knew that boys didn’t cry!

“But they’re not lovers, right?” Steve asked, when he felt like he had his voice under control and it wouldn’t waver. Something he would have never asked anyone else. But this was Grandpa Otis. Grandpa Otis was safe.

And he just chuckled and shook his head. “No, Steven, they’re not. They’re dear, dear friends and it’s a devastating thing, right? Feeling responsible for your friend’s death.”

“Yeah, no, I understand. It must be awful.”

Grandpa Otis nodded. “It really must be. It’s such a good scene. Emotional and well executed. And the music. Perfect, right?”

Steve nodded.

“Oh, that woman we just saw?” Grandpa Otis said, “she was the dying man’s wife.”

“Oh. Yeah, that makes sense.” And it did.

The men on the television stayed close, their hands in each other’s hair and on each other’s faces and Steve felt himself smiling. He kind of loved that. They cared so deeply for one another, it was so palpable.

The rest of the scene felt just as devastating to Steve. The man carried his friend away after he’d closed his eyes forever and, even though Grandpa Otis obviously had a much wider film knowledge than Steve did and would be the way better judge of this, he couldn’t help but think he definitely agreed with him. It was so well made. Steve hadn’t seen anything of this movie beside this scene and he already was able to feel the deep friendship between the two men.

The kiss especially had been really convincing.

Steve watched the rest of the movie with Grandpa Otis, and while he didn’t really understand anything he really admired it and the feelings it triggered in him.

Grandpa Otis also told him more about the movie, something about an Academy Award and some more about the music and at some point, even though it was really interesting, Steve felt his eyes falling shut.

And as he drifted into sleep, as he felt his grandfather picking him up and carrying him back into his bed, the last thing he thought about before he got lost in dreamland, was that kiss.

3.

“Do you think I’m too old to be called Tommy?”

Steve looked up from his math homework (that didn’t make sense to him anyway), took the pencil out of his mouth that he’d been mindlessly chewing on (a habit he just couldn’t seem to break) and cocked his head. “Do you think so?” he asked Tommy.

“I don’t know,” Tommy said from where he was sprawled out on Steve’s armchair. “We’re getting older, right? Isn’t Tommy a little…juvenile?”

Steve frowned. “I mean…do you want to be called Thomas?”

“I don’t know,” Tommy said again.

Steve shook his head. “Thomas doesn’t feel right, man. You’re not your dad. And…I mean you’ve always been Tommy.”

“Yeah, but, Steve, you’ve known me since I was three.”

“And?”

Tommy shrugged again. “I could be called Tom. You call me Tom sometimes. Tom’s more grown up.”

Steve felt a weird shiver down his spine he couldn’t quite place and put the pencil down on his textbook, sitting up on his bed. “Yeah, but…that’s kind of…our thing, right?” He felt a strange kind of uncertainty, an insecurity he couldn't place, waiting for Tommy’s answer. He was a little scared Tommy wouldn’t feel the same way. That Tom was, like, a special nickname of Steve’s for him.

“No, you’re right. It would probably feel a little weird if anyone other than you called me that.”

Immediately, the tension melted off of Steve and he took a deep breath.

“Why are you so obsessed with your name all of a sudden, anyway?”

Tommy sighed. He got up from the chair to walk over and slump down on Steve’s bed next to him. “It’s just…we’re supposed to be growing up, right? We’re fourteen. We’re supposed to get into trouble and…get our licenses and kiss girls, you know.”

Steve blinked. He felt like he started to kind of understand what Tommy was getting at. “And you can’t do these things as Tommy?”

“Well. Seems that way, at least.”

“So you haven’t?” Steve asked and couldn’t exactly place the nervous something tugging in his gut. “Kissed girls?”

Tommy looked at him. “No,” he admitted. “Have you?”

“No.” Steve shook his head. “Well, I got close. Maya DeMarco wanted to, I think.” He looked down at his hands. “But I chickened out. I was too scared that I would do it wrong. And she already dated Daniel last year, so…”

Tommy didn’t respond, stayed weirdly silent for a while, and when Steve looked up to see if something was wrong, he had a strange expression on his face.

“We could practice,” he then said.

Steve blinked. “What.”

Tommy shrugged. “Kissing,” he said, as if that had been the part Steve was confused about. “We could practice and then when we kiss girls we know what we’re doing.”

“You want to practice kissing…with me?”

“Yeah.” Tommy shrugged again. “I mean it’s not like anyone’s ever gonna find out.”

Steve bit on his lower lip, still a little wary. “I don’t know, Tom, I don’t think we’re supposed to…like…practice on each other?”

“C’mon, it’s not a big deal.” Tommy sat up and shoved Steve’s textbook and legal pad away. Which only made the situation feel even more intimate, but Tommy said, “lips are lips, right? It’s not like we’re gay. We’re just practicing for the real thing, it doesn’t even count.”

Steve sat up too and just looked at him. And at his lips. Tommy had nice lips, Steve supposed. Full and surrounded by his freckles and…soft-looking?

“What, Steve, are you scared?” those lips said and suddenly, it felt like a challenge.

He scoffed. “Of course not.”

“Then be a man and kiss me.”

“Fine.”

Steve huffed out a breath and scooted even closer. He hesitated for a second, and then he leaned over and. kissed his best friend.

At first it was incredibly awkward, stiff, just their mouths pressed together. Weird. But then he felt Tommy’s hand coming up to cup his cheek and -and then suddenly, it was soft.

Tommy gently moved his lips against Steve’s and Steve let him. Started imitating it, pressing back and then Tommy pulled him closer and this-god, this was nice.

When they separated, Steve opened his eyes, not knowing when exactly he’d closed them and blinked a couple times to get back to reality.

Tommy still had his hand on Steve’s cheek and it was warm and gentle and- he was looking at Steve, his eyes flicking over his face in an intense way, frowning a little. And then he leaned in again.

And Steve went willingly, eyes falling shut, kissing Tommy more actively than before. Their lips moved together (Steve had been right, Tommy’s lips actually were really soft) and he reached out, wrapping one arm around Tommy’s neck and fisting the hand of his other arm in the fabric of his shirt.

This was…sort of amazing. He suddenly really understood. Why kissing was a thing. And somehow knowing that this was Tommy kissing him didn’t even make it weird. It kinda made it…better.

Tommy got his hand into Steve’s hair, and Steve had just learned how to perfect the look, so he should be annoyed, but he just didn’t have it in him. This felt too good. Tommy nipped at his bottom lip and his thumb was stroking over Steve’s cheek and when Steve sighed into the kiss, Tommy apparently saw his chance to deepen it and took it.

And then there was tongue on tongue and it was a strange sensation, weirdly wetter than Steve had imagined it would be, but it was…so good.

By the time they pulled apart again Steve was kinda breathless and had no idea how much time had passed exactly. He swallowed and let go of Tommy’s shirt, clearing his throat.

“Right,” Tommy said and Steve nodded.

“Right.”

“So…how was that?” His hand slipped out of Steve’s hair and Steve almost felt disappointed.

“Uhm…yeah, I-…that was good.”

“Yeah…” Tommy nodded. Steve let go of him entirely and Tommy nodded again. “Great, so…now if I ask Carol out, there’s…nothing to be afraid of.”

“Right,” Steve said again, instead of You wanna ask out Carol?

“Right,” Tommy repeated and seemed to feel just as awkwardly as Steve did right now. And Steve started to really realize that…they had just kissed. What if Tommy was wrong and this would change everything?

Tommy’s gaze fell down on Steve’s math homework and he frowned. “Did you draw that dick?”

Steve followed his eyes.”No, that was you, you idiot. Third period.”

“Oh, right.” Tommy chuckled. “Good one.”

Steve rolled his eyes and flopped back down onto his stomach.

“Your answer to B’s wrong by the way, dude,” Tommy informed him.

“Oh, as if you would know that,” Steve complained, grabbed one of his pillows and shoved it in Tommy’s face. Tommy just laughed, grabbed it and hit Steve back with it.

Steve let it fall to the floor and started fixing his hair. “And about the name thing…” he said, “I don’t think you need to change it. Tommy’s plenty grown up. And if a girl doesn’t agree you can just kiss her. I’m sure that’ll change her mind.”

Tommy grinned and chucked the textbook at Steve too. Steve dodged it easily and grinned back.

Because weirdly…this was easy after all.

It wasn’t weird.

Huh, he thought. Tommy was right, I was wrong.

It really hadn’t changed anything between them. It had just been a practice kiss, everything was fine, it was no big deal. Lips really were just lips. It didn’t mean anything.

4.

Look, it wasn’t like Steve had planned to end up here, all right? It had just kinda…happened. He’d needed a break, okay? A break from his stupid heartbreak and from his stupid college rejection letters and his stupid father who was so stupidly disappointed in him and most of all a fucking break from the stupid stupid nightmares, who kept him up every single fucking night.

Because monsters were real and nothing had ever been the fucking same since 1983.

So he’d just fled. Just for one night. Just for a weekend, he needed to forget and have fun and he needed to be touched, so fucking badly, so he’d gotten into his car and driven to Indy to one of the bars he knew wouldn’t look too closely at his ID, because he’d been there with Carol and Tommy back when they had still been his closest friends.

And then he’d gotten drunk and danced until the silhouettes in his head were dancing people and not dancing monsters and then there had been this really pretty girl and. Well.

Now he was in bed with the pretty girl and her boyfriend and they were naked. All three of them. Because Steve had managed to stumble his way into a threesome with another guy. Which, well. Not that big of a deal. He was here to be touched and he was currently being touched, so.

Perfect plan, 10/10.

And Lisa really was just so pretty and her skin was so soft, and Steve was all about worshipping his partners while having sex, so if someone else helped him covering every piece of Lisa’s soft skin in kisses, then who was he to complain?

Plus, it wasn’t like John wasn’t easy on the eyes either. He was a good looking guy, Steve could admit that. He had an athlete’s body, firm muscles and lightly tanned skin and his curls fell into his forehead in a pleasing way.

Plus, there was a certain kind of thrill in seeing another guy like this. Naked and vulnerable and…aroused.

It was like Steve was seeing something he wasn’t supposed to see, and it sent shivers down his spine every time his gaze dipped below the guy’s waistline.

And Lisa was touching Steve and kissing his neck and then down his chest and he was genuinely such a mess under her and in so much ecstasy that he didn’t even question it when she pulled her boyfriend closer to Steve and breathed, “now you two, kiss”, before dipping down and kissing a trail down Steve’s body, lower and lower.

But John’s lips found Steve’s like he did this every day, kissing the guys they had threesomes with, and maybe he did, but Steve couldn’t think about that now anyway. Because John was kissing him and it felt way too good.

He let the guy take control of the kiss and it was deep and wet and hot, and Lisa and her sinful mouth were taking care of everything else. This might be heaven, Steve thought, or maybe he even said it out loud in the second John claimed Steve’s neck for a bruise, before dipping back to his mouth, kissing him like a man starving.

Steve kissed him back, sighed and softly moaned and fisted his hand in John’s hair, getting lost in the feeling of everything. Finally, he wasn’t thinking about monsters anymore. He wasn’t thinking about his parents or Nancy or college or anything, other than how fucking good this felt and how he never wanted it to stop.

He wasn’t even that drunk anymore, couldn’t be with how long they’d been building up to all of this, how slowly they’d all lost their clothes and started exploring each other and with how much he was sweating and basically exercising and- just-

God, this was so good. It was so, so good.

He should definitely ask them if they wanted to do this again. Because Steve was game, oh he was so game.

5.

The world almost ended for a fourth time and Steve found himself having matching scars with Eddie Munson. And not only that, but he was also friends with the guy. Like genuinely. Steve really should have get used to the crazy antics of the universe by now, but for some reason he kept being surprised.

The last almost-apocalypse had already gifted him Robin, his soulmate and the best thing this world had to offer, so excuse him for not having anticipated ending the next one with another friend for life. But here he was and here Eddie Munson was and Steve loved him so much, it was honestly kind of stupid sometimes.

But sometimes during their weekly movie nights, the three of them sprawled out on the Harrington’s couch or on the Munson’s couch and blankets and pillows in the trailer, Steve looked at them, Eddie and Robin, giggling over something one of them had said, and couldn’t believe how lucky he was to have found them, to love them, and how lucky he was they’d decided to love him back.

“I didn’t decide, dingus, your heart grabbed and pulled me into a basement and now we’re melted together for life,” Robin had told him once, but he knew her. And she did decide. She decided it every time Steve messed up and she forgave him. Every time he was being stupid and instead of making fun of him she gently unclenched his hands and held them, as she explained it to him. And Steve was so, so grateful for her.

And for Eddie. Who understood him in a totally different way. Who understood his self-sacrificing tendencies. His need to be needed, his need to be touched. It was like for every single thing about him that Robin accepted but didn’t understand, Eddie was right there with his matching scars.

And so when Eddie sat Steve down one afternoon and his voice mirrored Robin’s, shaking in that Starcourt bathroom, Steve decided that he’d to everything in his power to kill that uncertainty. He’d take every measure necessary to convince Eddie of his support, of how comfortable he was with it all, that Eddie could and should be his whole authentic self around Steve.

Steve was determined to make Eddie stop flinching around him.

And so it was his mouth, and his lips that just a week later when Eddie was annoying Robin and him on a slow Wednesday at work, proposed, “we should go to a gay bar.”

“What?” Robin and Eddie said at the same time and Steve was only a little jealous of how in sync they had been lately. And that they had this whole gay thing to bond over. Which was a really dumb thing to be jealous about, he did realize that.

“No, I just mean…Eddie, you said it yourself, you haven’t been in a while and…and Rob, you’ve been talking about going for some time now too. And you two deserve to enjoy yourselves after everything that happened and we could…I don’t know, we could make a trip out of it? Go up to Indy, I could be you DD.” He shrugged. “I just think it could be fun.”

Eddie blinked and then a small smile started toying with the corners of his mouth. “You actually…you mean it, don’t you? You actually wanna do this.”

Steve nodded. “Yeah, I mean, why else would I propose it?”

Eddie just looked at him for a moment, studied him and then shook his head. “No, I just- I guess I still sometimes…” he trailed off, then shook his head and said, “never mind.” and Steve swallowed.

Because yes, he was aware that this was the exact reason he was doing this, to get Eddie to trust him, fully trust him with him sel f , but…it still stung a little. To get the confirmation that he actually didn’t.

“Never mind,” Eddie repeated and started nodding, “yeah. Let’s do it, why not? I could really use a change of scenery for a weekend.”

“Great.” Steve smiled. “Robin?”

“You don’t think you’ll get bored?” Robin asked, brows furrowed a little, her eyes wide and honest. A little vulnerable, even. He felt like she was asking a different question. Not you don’t think you’ll get bored but you don’t think the actual practical side of it will make you uncomfortable? I know your support goes a long way, but does it go that far? I’m scared you won’t like it. The real me.

“Robin,” he said, a soft smile on his lips, but seriousness in his tone. “I promise I won’t.”

“Okay,” she then said, mirroring his soft smile and started nodding. “Then…sure. I’m in.”

Which was how two weeks later Steve found himself grinning amusedly, watching Eddie and Robin next to each other in front of the tiny mirror in their shared motel room, pushing each other out of the way again and again, both of them trying to perfect their eyeliner.

And they always said he was the one who took the longest getting ready.

He had his routine down , could be ready in ten minutes if someone needed him to. But he understood, he supposed. This was important for Eddie and Robin, they were giddy and nervous and Steve wasn’t. He was just happy they were letting him do this.

They had decided on a bar Eddie’d been to a couple of times already, just to be sure, and while Steve hadn’t exactly expected it to be a dark metal cave or something, he would be lying if he said he wasn’t surprised, when about an hour later they walked into the bar and there was a Wham! song blasting from the speakers and the dance floor was bathed in bright pink, blue and purple lights.

A smile stretched onto his lips. This felt like his kind of bar. He then frowned and shook his head for a second. Because this certainly wasn’t his kind of bar. I t not being his kind of bar was sorta the whole point.

He blinked and ignored the weird feeling and just turned to Eddie and Robin. They both still seemed a little tense , so he leaned closer and asked, “Drinks?”

They nodded and Robin reached for Steve’s hand. Steve shot her a reassuring smile and quickly squeezes her hand three times. And then it hit him, that this was her and Eddie’s space and yet, she was taking comfort in him .

Thank fuck, his heart screamed. You’re still her number one.

And then he felt bad immediately for doubting that for a second, because, Jesus, this was Robin ! If he didn’t have to worry about that with anyone, it was her.

He needed a drink. Not an alcoholic one, he took his duties as the driver very seriously, but just something to cool him down.

They made their way over to the bar and the barkeeper slid over to them immediately, probably because it wasn’t really crowded yet and everyone else seemed to be taken care of.

“What can I get for you?” he asked and smiled.

“Just a coke for me,” Steve replied and looked at his best friends questioningly.

“Uh, whiskey on the rocks, please,” Eddie said and his voice was so low suddenly, Steve almost felt compelled to turn to him, surprised.

“Oh, Eddie, man,” the barkeeper said. “Didn’t realize it was you there for a second.”

And for whatever reason that seemed to be what made Eddie relax. Steve could practically see the tension melting from his shoulders, him finally taking up space again. Steve was almost proud. But also a little bitter, about some thing, he just couldn’t figure out what.

He seemed to not be able to figure things out an awful lot lately.

“Yeah, maybe it’d actually help to wear your glasses, David,” Eddie teased and leaned forward a little and the bartender – David just rolled his eyes.

“You haven’t been here quite a while, dude,” he defended himself, “and you usually come alone.”

Eddie shrugged. “I made some close friends,” he said and shot Steve and Robin a devastating smile. What. A devastating smile. A smile. Steve shook his head.

“Okay, well, what can I get the remaining close friend?” David asked Robin and she ordered a beer.

Eddie and him then engaged in a little small talk, but it wasn’t long before David’s barkeeper duties called and the three of them were on their own again.

And then they just stood there, a gay guy, a lesbian and Steve, all of them watching the moving crowd of people on the dance floor, a drink in their hand, not saying anything.

After a while, Steve rolled his eyes. This was getting ridiculous. They were here to have fun, maybe get laid, maybe make some connections or even just dance. But here they stood, at the bar, not moving an inch.

“Okay,” he said. “So. Anybody caught your eye? Robin, what about that blonde girl? She’s cute.” He nudged her with his elbow and took a sip of his coke.

“Yeah, she is,” Robin agreed, but made no sign of moving or even just looking at her for longer than a split second.

Steve sighed. “Okay, what about you, Eddie? Don’t you want to get on the dance floor? Meet some guys? Look at that one, with the curly hair? He’s hot, right?”

Eddie shot him a weird look. “I guess?” he said and Steve rolled his eyes again.

“Okay, so what are you two standing here with me for? We’re here so you can have fun! Dance, get to know people, connect…I won’t get bored, I promise. I’m here to ensure your safety, not to trap you with me at the bar. I’m a grown man, I can entertain myself. Go mingle, go have fun!”

He saw Eddie and Robin share another Look™ and sighed to himself. This one, he could read. And it cut into him like barbed wire. They still didn’t fully trust him. Both of them, which was even worse. Robin was half of his heart, but she was still scared of his reaction. Which was why he said, “And…I promise you, I’m not gonna freak out at the sight of two guys kissing. Or…grinding on each other, for all I care. It’s not a big deal to me, it really isn’t.”

He almost added, ‘ honestly, nothing I haven’t done before’ but stopped himself before the words could slip from his lips. He didn’t want them to get the wrong idea.

“Go!” He said vehemently, nodding towards the dance floor, shoving Eddie a little with his free hand. Eddie and Robin shared another look, this one a little more hopeful and relaxed. Robin raised her brows like ‘shall we?’ and Eddie shrugged like ‘I guess? Yeah?’ and Robin turned to Steve again.

“Are you really sure you’ll-”

“Yes,” Steve ensured and smiled.

Robin bit her lip. Then, a smile broke out on her lips. “Okay,” she said, giddy all of a sudden and giggled a little. She grabbed Eddie’s hand, pressed a quick kiss to Steve’s cheek and said, “thank you, I love you, you’re the best soulmate ever”, before pulling Eddie with her to the dance floor.

Eddie shot Steve a last look and this one Steve had no idea how to read. He felt it deep in his chest, though. It was a little like it cut him open.

So he quickly looked away and took another sip of his drink to distract himself.

At first he observed them, watched them, like the dutiful friend he said he’d be. He saw Robin dance with a brunette , saw Eddie talk someone up and then take his hand and pull him closer and deeper into the dance floor, but after a while he lost sight of them. They’d blended into the crowd, moved with them, got swallowed up, so that he’d not even occasionally spot Eddie’s curls or Robin’s bracelets. They seemed to enjoy themselves. He should be happy for them.

Instead, all of a sudden, he felt weirdly bereft.

Excluded, in a way. He sorta wished he could just join them. On the dance floor, in between sweating bodies, no matter what their sexual orientation was. He wished this wasn’t just their space, but his too.

It was the same kinda feeling he got when Robin made a gay joke only Eddie understood and cackled at. One that she’d wave off it he’d ask about it.

You wouldn’t understand, Steve, queer people only.

He took a sharp breath and ignored the sting. Distracted himself. Just c ontinued sipping his drink, watching the crowd and the lights and the happy couple closest to him, that was heavily making out, lost in their own world.

He suddenly found himself thinking of Lisa and John. He never did see them again in the end, they were from Idaho and had just been passing through back then, but it had definitely been some of the best sex he ever had.

The way they’d all fit together. The way Lisa had sucked him off, the way John had devoured his neck and his lips and-

Oh Jesus, yeah, he should probably stop thinking about it right now, if he didn’t want to have an uncomfortable situation going on in his pants. At least it’d managed to distract him for a second.

“Hey there,” someone suddenly said and Steve flinched and spun around.

There was a guy next to him, hands defensively raised, an easy smile on his lips. “Oh Christ, sorry, didn’t mean to scare you,” he said and Steve relaxed. He didn’t seem like a threat. He actually – Steve let his gaze climb up and down the guy’s body – he actually seemed like he could be a good time. Good company. A welcome distraction from his weird, left-out feeling mind.

“No, I’m sorry, I- I was just a little lost in thought.” Steve smiled.

“Yes, I can see that,” the man replied, that easy smile still resting in the corners of his lips. He had nice lips, Steve thought. Kind of like Tommy’s. Full and soft-looking. “What’s your name?”

“Steve,” Steve replied, settling against the bar, smiling back. “Yours?”

“Lee.” The guy let his gaze roam up and down Steve’s body and Steve felt a weird kind of excitement run through him. “What are you doing here all alone?”

“Oh, I’m here with my two best friends. But my mission was to get them to relax and enjoy themselves and have fun and…looks like I accomplished that.”

“Oh?” Lee nodded approvingly and mirrored how Steve was leaning against the bar. “So d’you reckon you can enjoy yourself and have fun now, too?” he asked and god, Steve thought, British accents really were something, right? “With your mission accomplished?”

Steve cocked his head in a playful way, aware that he was being flirted with, but not opposed to it. If Eddie and Robin were preoccupied he could have some fun too, right? It wasn’t like it would mean anything. So, “Sure, why not?” he said and took a sip of his drink, eyes never leaving Lee.

Lee watched him swallow and narrowed his eyes a little.

“You down to make out?”

Steve smiled. “ Absolutely ,” he said, downed the last sip of his drink and put the glass down on the counter.

“That was easy,” Lee said.

“Yeah, well, I’m easy,” Steve replied and took a step closer to the guy. And you’re hot.

Lee just chuckled at that and nodded. “Good to know. You wanna go to a quieter corner, though?”

Steve thought about it for just a second and then he nodded. It didn’t seem like Robin and Eddie were gonna look for him soon and so he let Lee take his hand and gently pull him through the different groups of people (it really had gotten way more crowded in here in the last half hour) towards the hallway where the restrooms were. It was a little darker here and definitely quieter and more private.

Steve approved. And then h e had his hand in Lee’s neck and pulled him closer, walking backwards until his back hit the wall , before the guy even had the chance to crowd him against it .

“Someone’s eager.”

“Just kiss me.”

And Lee did. Leaned in and kissed him and boy, either guys were just way better at kissing than girls were, or he’d just gotten lucky with every single guy he’d kissed because, wow . Lee’ s kiss was deep and commanding and Steve was putty in his hands within mere seconds.

J ust like back with John and that girl Melissa he hooked up with last year, he really enjoyed not being in control. Just responding, rather than doing, being pressed into the wall and feeling Lee’s hands on him. He had nice hands. Big and strong.

Steve sighed contently, spreading his legs a little, so that Lee could slot his thigh right in there. Steve groaned at the pressure and felt himself growing hard in his pants pretty fast. Lee seemed to be in a similar predicament and Steve got lost in the feeling of lips and tongues and that sweet, sweet friction, he honestly couldn’t tell how much time had passed.

He didn’t want to stop. He wasn’t gonna stop. Not until somebody, pretty loudly, cleared their throat and Lee pulled away from him at least . Steve blinked a couple times to really regain control over his body and took a deep breath.

Then he searched for the source of what had ripped them out of their little bubble and stared into the shocked faces of his best friends.

“Oh,” he said. “Hey. Everything alright, d’you guys wanna leave?” He gently pushed Lee away a little, detaching himself from the wall, standing up straight. He quickly adjusted himself in his pants and didn’t miss Eddie’s eyes flicking down, tracking the movement.

“We were gonna,” Eddie said, blinked. “But if you need more…” he just waved his hands in Steve’s general direction. “…time or whatever for…” He cleared his throat again.

“Oh, no, no, I’m ready,” Steve interrupted him and sent them a reassuring smile. “I’m your driver, right? Here so you can have a good time.”

“Uh huh, right,” Robin said, “Us. Eddie and me.”

“Yeah, that was the plan, right?” Steve chuckled. “I was just killing time, let’s go.”

He turned to Lee, shot him a quick smile. “It was nice meeting you, but uh, designated driver duties are calling.”

“Sure.” Lee smiled, easy, they both had known from the start this was just a quick make out session, no big deal. “Get home safe.”

“You too.”

Steve gave him a pat on the chest, turned and walked over to where Eddie and Robin were standing. “Let’s go,” he said, when they didn’t move, “Thought we were leaving?”

“Yeah,” Eddie said. “Right, uh…yeah, sure.”

The drive to the motel was weird. Steve was trying to chat with them, asked if they’d had fun, met anybody hot, maybe, Robin, that brunette girl had been cute, right? But…Eddie and Robin didn’t really respond in a way he thought they would. They gave short, quipped answers and just seemed pretty distracted the whole way, sharing those looks that Steve hated so much, because he couldn’t read them.

So when he’d parked and they’d all went up to their room, he turned around and ran a hand through his hair. “Okay, what’s going on? Why are you acting so weird? Did you not have fun, did something happen?”

“No, no, we…had fun,” Robin said.

“So?” Steve shrugged and then he frowned. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Well, apparently…you uh had some fun too, huh, Steve?” Eddie’s voice sounded weird, almost like there was an accusatory undertone. Steve’s frown deepened. This was about him finding someone to make out with?

“Yeah? What about it? I know I said I’d make sure you were safe and everything, but does that mean I can’t enjoy myself? You were both pretty preoccupied, weren’t you?”

“I-” Robin actually looked speechless. “Of course you can, just…it was…” She tucks a strand of hair behind her ear, frustrated. “That was a guy, Steve!”

Steve nodded. “Yeah, I’m aware.”

Robin blinked. “A guy,” she repeated, an exasperated expression on her face, her hands making some sort of gesture, underlining the word.

“I know,” Steve said, in the same manner, starting to get frustrated now, too. “Was pretty hard to miss with his dick against my thigh.” He narrowed his eyes. “No pun intended.”

“His di-okay, yeah, I’m gonna need a minute,” Eddie chimed in, his voice weirdly high pitched, sitting down on one of the two beds.

Steve shook his head. “What’s going on, why are you two acting so weird about this?”

“Steve,” Robin said again, intertwining her hands in front of her body, and it was this tone, the one her voice dropped into when Steve was missing something essential. Soft and low and calm, as if he’d ran away and she didn’t wanna spook him. “You were making out with a guy.”

“Yeah! I think we’ve established that.” Steve shrugged. He wasn’t missing anything this time, goddammit. “But like you said I just made out with him a little, it’s not like I sucked his dick.”

He also hadn’t exactly been opposed to that, though. He had been pretty turned on and who knew where the night could have led? But looking at Eddie and Robin right now, the exasperated expressions on their faces and how they made it sound like this was this huge thing, his willingness to suck a dick didn’t feel like something he wanted to mention right now.

Besides. It wasn’t a huge thing. Steve had kissed multiple guys in his life, he just really enjoyed kissing, and lips were lips.

Right?

Right.

(Right?)

“Steve-” It was that tone again that was making him snap.

“Robin, why are trying to make me feel bad about this?”

“I’m not trying to make you feel bad, I’m trying to make you understand what this might mean, I-”

“Wha- It doesn’t mean anything!” Steve spat out defensively, because honestly he had enough of this. He’d wanted to have fun on a night out with his friends, had wanted to distract himself a little from the weird thoughts he’d been having, and they were crucifying him for it. “And I don’t-” He huffed, frustrated. “I don’t wanna talk about this anymore. I’m going for a walk.”

He grabbed his keys from the dresser he’d carelessly thrown them on, shot both Eddie and Robin one more look and left the room.

1

It was movie night. Steve loved movie night. It was his absolute highlight of the week. Just him and Eddie and Robin and something flickering across the tv screen they wouldn’t pay much attention to anyway.

Well, Robin wasn’t gonna be there tonight. But still. Steve was excited. Eddie was his friend too, and Steve valued some alone time with him anyway. So he joyfully nodded his head to the Queen tape playing in his car, humming along to Killer Queen, as he drove to the trailer park. He was glad it wasn’t weird between them anymore.

They hadn’t exactly talked about it. The whole gay bar disaster. Steve had been gone pretty long, hurting himself thinking too much but not arriving at any kind of conclusion and when he’d gotten back, Eddie and Robin had already been asleep.

Well, in bed at least. Because when Steve’d brushed his teeth and slipped under the covers next to Robin, she’d, very sleepily, grasped his hand to hold tight and mumbled something along the lines of “finally, now I can sleep.”

And just like that Steve had decided to forget about the whole thing and neither Eddie nor Robin had breached the subject either. They’d apparently just all collectively deemed it too sensitive. Steve was just glad their friendship was back to normal.

And their movie nights too.

He parked in front of the trailer, next to Eddie’s van, and a soft, content feeling rose in him. He couldn’t wait to get in there. He felt more at home in the trailer than in his actual home. So he didn’t waste any more time, got out of the car, locked it and practically ran up the stairs to the door.

He knocked and immediately heard Eddie’s voice muffled through the door, “just a second!”

Steve could almost see him making his way through the trailer, stepping over the messy piles of clothes on his bedroom floor, while pulling a sweatshirt over his head and putting his hair up in a bun. He looked exactly like Steve had imagined when he finally did open the door. His hair, pulled back, falling into his neck messily and soft, a relaxed smile on his lips, comfortable clothes.

He looked and smelled like home.

“Hey,” Steve greeted him and stepped into the trailer, into Eddie’s space for a second, before Eddie made room for him, stepping aside.

“Hi,” Eddie replied and smiled and for just a second Steve felt completely unearthed by it, his feelings uprooted, raw and naked in front of Eddie just because of that devastating smile.

Then Eddie threw a look over Steve’s shoulder and frowned. “Where’s Birdie?”

Steve shook off whatever he was feeling and started peeling off his jacket.

“Oh, yeah, I forgot to tell you, Robin can’t tonight,” he explained, “Her grandma dropped in for a surprise visit.”

“And her parents make her stay home?”

“What?” Steve grinned. “Oh no. Robin loves her grandma. She would ditch me for that woman any day. And now both of us, I guess.”

“Oh alright,” Eddie said, chuckling lightly. Then his expression turned serious again and he swallowed visibly. “So…it’s just us, then?”

“Yeah,” Steve nodded. Then he hesitated when he saw the slight uncertainty in Eddie’s face. “Is…that a problem?”

“No, I-” Eddie shook his head. “No, I guess not.”

You guess?, Steve wanted to scream. You guess not? What’s wrong with me?

But he didn’t say anything. Instead, he put on a brave face and smiled. “What movie are we watching?” he asked.

“Thought I’d let Robin decide, actually,” Eddie replied, scratching the back of his head. “She had to sit through our choices the last couple weeks.”

“Yeah, that’s true.”

“But since she isn’t here…I guess you’ve got the honors. I rented three options. And…dude? It’s fucking expensive! It’s a shame you guys weren’t on shift today, you spoil me with your discounts.”

“That aren’t actually allowed, you know?” Steve added and stepped closer again, giving him a taste of his own medicine by invading his personal space. “So you better be really fucking grateful. I basically risk my job every other day, just so you can watch movies for less money.”

“We,” Eddie corrected, a lazy smile on his lips. “Just so we can watch movies for less money.”

For a second they just looked at each other. Steve felt a lodge in his throat and blinked. Eddie’s eyes held him prisoner tonight. He couldn’t look away. Not until Eddie cleared his throat and nodded towards the couch.

“Alright,” he said and Steve located a smidge of uncertainty in his voice he played off. “So which one will it be? I got Down by Law, One Crazy Summer and the newest Friday the 13^th.”

Steve just leveled him with a look.

“What?” Eddie shrugged as he pulled Steve to the couch. “Sure, it was supposed to be Robin’s night, but I gotta put at least one option where I win, right?”

Steve rolled his eyes and chuckled. “Sure,” he said and sat down on the couch, immediately sinking into the worn out cushions. “I need something light today though. Rom Com?”

Eddie let himself fall next to Steve dramatically and sighed. “Fine,” he lamented. “One Crazy Summer it is. But you gotta put it in and everything.”

“You’re a terrible host,” Steve sighed and got up again, grabbing the tape from the coffee table. Eddie smiled triumphantly when Steve returned and patted the space next to him on the couch. Steve sat down next to Eddie and-

Okay, maybe that was a little close. But just because Robin wasn’t here didn’t mean they’d need to stop cuddling, right? Steve craved touch, Eddie knew that. He wouldn’t make it weird.

And Eddie didn’t. Sure, he stiffened up a little when Steve melted into his side, but after about ten minutes he just relaxed into it and even gently rested his arm on Steve’s back. It felt warm and nice and for a second Steve thought about closing his eyes and going to sleep for a little while. Just…getting some well-deserved rest.

But that would mean not being able to fully enjoy being in his friend’s arms, so it was a no.

He watched the movie, sunk further into Eddie, which resulted with his face squeezed into Eddie’s chest, and really relaxed. Eddie smelled good. Like home.

Despite his plans to be fully there and not nod off, Steve was almost asleep when the credits rolled. Only almost though. He was still awake enough to feel Eddie’s right hand drawing light patterns on his back and hear his heartbeat where his ear was pressed against his warm chest.

God, Steve could live like this forever.

“Eddie,” he whispered after a while.

“Hm?” Eddie replied.

“I don’t wanna leave.” It was quiet. Intimate. Why did everything feel so intimate right now? Steve didn’t know what to make of it.

“Okay,” Eddie said and nodded, his chin against Steve’s hair. “Then don’t.”

For whatever reason, that surprised Steve.

It wasn’t actually like he’d expected Eddie to say something like ‘Well, life’s no bed of roses, go home’ but he also hadn’t expected this.

The soft tone of Eddie’s voice, his hand staying right where it was. Warm. Sure.

Steve turned a little, looking up at him. “You want me to stay?” he asked, quiet and vulnerable and his heart started pounding nervously. When he’d arrived Eddie hadn’t exactly seemed too excited at the prospect of being alone with him and now…now it almost seemed like he wanted them to be.

Alone together.

Steve was a little scared Eddie would play it off as a joke, cover his seriousness up with humor and sarcasm just a second later, as he did so often.

But this time, he didn’t.

He stayed just as serious, lifting his left hand to gently brush a strand of hair out of Steve’s forehead, keeping up the eye contact, and said, “yes, Steve. I want you to stay.”

Steve felt like he couldn’t breathe. Suddenly it was almost too much. He was burning wherever he felt Eddie’s body against his.

“Thank you,” he heard himself say, and he wasn’t even exactly sure why.

Eddie chuckled softly. “What for?”

Steve shrugged, burying his head in Eddie’s chest again. He could practically hear the guy smiling, when he said, “Alright. But you wanna move to my bed? My uncle usually takes the couch around, like, 7. I mean sure, he could take the bed too, if you want don’t want to move but,-”

“No, yeah,” Steve interrupted, nodding. “Let’s move to your bed.”

And for whatever reason he felt his heartbeat speeding up a little more. But the bed was the only option. He didn’t want to have Eddie’s uncle walking in on them-

Well. What was is exactly they were doing? It was just cuddling, after all, right? Wayne had seen him, Eddie and Robin tangled in a mess of limbs countless times already, so what was different now? Why did it feel so much more…meaningful?

Wait. Meaningful? No.

“Alright.” Eddie’s hand stopped stroking Steve’s back and instead gave him a little pat. “Let’s go then.”

They scrambled out of their position, Eddie shut the tv off and then Steve followed him to the bathroom, where Eddie wordlessly reached into the little cabinet and handed him a sealed pack of three new toothbrushes before grabbing his own and watering it. Steve smiled, opened it, took one out and watched Eddie squeeze toothpaste on his own toothbrush and sticking it in his mouth, before raising his eyebrows questioningly holding the tube up to Steve’s. He nodded and watched as Eddie squeezed some on there as well.

Then they brushed their teeth next to each other with the occasional eye contact through the mirror and some foamy smiles.

And Steve felt calm. He felt safe and warm and this whole thing – brushing their teeth together – it felt soft and intimate (there was that fucking word again) and even…domestic, in a way.

And for a second, which almost scared Steve more than a demogorgon would, like everything he’d ever wanted.

____

When Steve woke up the next day it was in Eddie’s arms and with the smell of eggs and bacon in the air.

He’d never felt more content in his life.

“Is that eggs and bacon?” Eddie murmured into Steve’s neck, his breath and lips tickling the sensitive skin. Which was the only reason that Steve got chills, it had nothing to do with the fact that he was still not used to Eddie’s deep morning voice.

“I think so,” he whispered back and felt Eddie’s arm tighten around his middle for a second, pulling him even closer and nuzzling his nose in his hair, before letting go and sitting up a little.

Steve immediately started missing his touch, craving it back. He turned around in the sheets, looking at his friend. Eddie looked sleepy and his hair was a mess, but Steve thought he’d never looked better. He lazily smiled at him and said, “C’mon, apparently Wayne’s still awake enough to make himself dinner and us breakfast.”

Steve nodded, but didn’t move. Instead he watched as Eddie rose from the bed, in nothing but sweatpants that were hanging dangerously low on his hips. Scars and tattoos on full display. Not a care in the world. Carrying himself with the confidence of someone who’d conquered death and wore the consequences like a badge of honor.

He’s so beautiful, Steve thought.

Eddie combed through his hair with his fingers and grabbed a sweater from his desk chair to throw at Steve.

(“You always get chilly in the morning.”)

(Steve was not freaking out about that, absolutely not.)

Steve put the sweater on, rubbed his eyes and made his way out of the bed too. And just a couple minutes later, after he’d been to the bathroom and thrown some water in his face to wake up and shaken his head in the mirror to convince himself that Eddie’s clothes looked ridiculous on him and not homey, he joined Eddie and Wayne in the kitchen.

Eddie was sipping coffee, Wayne was scratching the last bit of bacon out of a pan onto a plate and both of them smiled at Steve when he stepped into the small kitchenette area.

He sat down next to Eddie and was immediately poured a cup of coffee from the left and given a plate of eggs and bacon from the right. And the smell was actually divine, Steve felt like drooling. “Thank you,” he said, a little shy all of a sudden.

“Anytime, son,” Wayne said and gave him the same lopsided smile Steve loved on Eddie. “Just eat up, a’right, we don’t wan’no rain tomorrow.” Steve nodded and as soon as Wayne and Eddie started digging in, Steve did the same.

It was an easy breakfast, but it was the best one Steve’d ever had. And not just because of how amazing it tasted but also because of the company.

When they were done and Wayne started humming a light tune while washing the dishes (Eddie and Steve had both tried to convince him to leave that to them, but the man didn’t budge) Steve, out of nowhere, felt the urge to say, “You know what, Wayne, you kinda remind me of my grandfather sometimes.”

“Hey, boy, I ain’t that old,” Wayne complained, but the grin stayed and Steve huffed.

“I didn’t- It was- He was a good man, it was supposed to be a compliment.”

“I know, son, s’alright, ‘m just teasin’.”

They shared a little smile and Wayne went back to doing the dishes, but Steve felt Eddie’s eyes on him. “Was?” he inquired softly.

Steve looked at him, smile turning a little dull. “He passed away when I was ten.” He shrugged. “Hit me pretty hard back then, he was kinda like my favorite person.”

“I’m sorry,” Eddie said, and he meant it, Steve could see it in his eyes, clear as day. The real sorrow for his friend. Steve almost wanted to cry. Especially when Eddie gently put a hand on Steve’s arm, sharing his warmth through the sleeve of the sweater.

“It’s fine, it was a long time ago,” Steve replied, but he still grasped Eddie’s hand, to squeeze it once.

Eddie looked like he wanted to add something, but in that moment Wayne interrupted the tender moment, with a “Well, now I’m really takin’ it as a compliment, are you sayin’ I’m your favorite person?”

“Wayne,” Eddie hissed, but Steve just laughed.

“Yeah, I guess you are,” he said and grinned.

Eddie turned back to him then, an offended look on his face. “Uhm, excuse me?”

“Oh, you’re right,” Steve said and turned to Wayne, “after Robin of course.”

“Ugh,” Eddie scoffed dramatically and pulled his hand away. “Fine, You’re not my favorite person either, just so you know.”

“No, no, Eddie, what did El teach us?” Steve teased, “Friends don’t lie.”

And sure, he was the one saying it right now, and he wasn’t being serious, but sometimes it really did feel like he might be Eddie’s favorite person. In some soft moments, like on the couch yesterday or when they woke up this morning.

And Steve was always chilly in the morning but that thought filled him with warmth.

_____

They were at the quarry. Originally, Steve and Eddie had just wanted to give Wayne the peace and quiet he deserved for a good day’s sleep and escape the trailer for a couple hours but now they’d spent the entire day here, interrupted just by one short drive to the grocery store to get food, beer and snacks.

Steve was still in Eddie’s clothes because they both hadn’t felt like dressing properly this morning and now…now Steve had been embraced by the comfort of Eddie’s scent throughout the whole day. Even though he didn’t seem to even need Eddie’s hoodie for that, because the guy was right next to him.

They were on the hood of Eddie’s van, leaning against the windshield while sharing a blanket and a joint, and Steve was happy.

Genuinely happy. Eddie kept making stupid jokes and Steve was a little drunk and a lot stoned (because Eddie’s shit was fucking strong, dude) and he didn’t feel a care in the world.

The moon and the stars shone above them and the water glistened below them and Eddie looked at Steve like it mattered.

Steve heard his own laugh echo over the quarry and looked right back.

“You know, Steve,” Eddie said after a while, “I say a lot of dumb shit when I’m high. Shit I probably shouldn’t say.”

Steve frowned. “What did you say?”

“Wrong question. What am I gonna say.”

“What are you gonna say?”

Nothing, apparently. Instead he kept looking at him, eyes heavy and a little sad all of a sudden.

“When we…” He sighed. “At that club. When you- when I saw you with that guy-” he closed his eyes for a second and Steve felt a little bit of anxiety flaring up in his stomach. Why did Eddie want to talk about that right now?

“I’m sorry about how I reacted. It just- it was killing me to see you with him.”

Steve frowned. “But I just-”

“You ‘just made out with him’, yeah I remember.” Eddie quoted and ran a hand through his face. Steve bit his lip. “Which made it worse and better at the same time.”

“How, I-” Steve huffed. “What do you mean?”

“Well, Steve,” Eddie said and Steve watched him swallow. “This is where I start saying stupid shit.” He sighed. “What I mean is-” He cut himself off again and closed his eyes for a second. “If you-”

Eddie let his head fall back against the windshield and didn’t go on. Instead he turned his head to Steve. There was a pained expression on his face, deep despair in his eyes. Clawing sadness. Steve could hardly take it.

But there was also…longing in there. An aching. Hunger. Eddie’s eyes fell to Steve’s lips and then traveled all over his face and he got a little closer and breathed, “Steve,” quietly and desperately and.

And weirdly enough…

It wasn’t him who closed the distance.

It was Steve.

He’d leaned forward and cupped Eddie’s face in his right hand and pressed his lips to Eddie’s.

He didn’t know why exactly he’d done it, but- but Eddie had looked so sad and like he’d wanted to kiss him and Steve- who was Steve to deny him?

If it would make Eddie happy to kiss him, then fuck Steve would kiss him forever.

And this-

He hadn’t known it would feel like this.

Because Eddie had frozen for a second. But then after he’d gotten over the initial shock…

Right now he was kissing Steve back like his life depended on it. It was desperate and hot and intense. Eddie wrapped his arms around Steve’s waist and pulled him closer, on him almost. Steve gasped into the kiss and Eddie deepened it and held him close and Steve felt it in his whole body, the effect this had on him.

It felt good, it felt so incredibly good, better than John, better than Tommy, better than Nancy.

And then something…

Something clicked.

Because Steve suddenly realized that this…this didn’t mean nothing. It meant the world. The whole fucking world. Steve was burning and he didn’t ever wanna stop and it was not because he just liked kissing.

This wasn’t just kissing.

This was everything. It was what he’d been looking for in all of his failed dates, it was what had been lacking in his past relationships, it was-

God. It was love, wasn’t it?

That was how simple it was.

He was in love with Eddie, absolutely head over heels in love with him. And he hadn’t even known. Not until this moment, not until Eddie’s lips on his felt like a rebirth, not until he wanted to cry from how right and perfect and amazing it was.

Because he hadn’t even known he could do this. Fall in love with guys.

Steve ran his hand through Eddie’s hair, pushed against him, smiled into the kiss.

When they pulled apart, Steve didn’t let Eddie get far, pressing his forehead to his, eyes still closed. Eddie’s breathing was shaky and Steve realized that his own was too.

Steve opened his eyes. Eddie’s were still closed. And he looked scared. Steve gently brushed a strand of hair behind his ear and caressed his cheek with his thumb. “Eddie,” he whispered.

“I’m sorry,” Eddie whispered back.

“What?” Steve frowned. “I’m not.”

Eddie sighed and opened his eyes too. “You can’t-” He took a deep breath. “If you tell me this meant nothing, I won’t survive it, I fear.”

Steve let out a wet laugh. He was starting to get really emotional. How could he have been so blind?

“Eddie, this meant everything.”

Eddie’s eyes widened. “But…I,” he sighed and blinked. “I thought you were-”

“Straight? Yeah, well, I did too. Until about right now.”

“What?”

“Eddie, I’ve kissed multiple guys in my life. And I never thought it meant anything. I thought I just liked kissing. But Eds, I- this kiss meant everything. I wanna kiss you forever. And not just because you have extremely soft lips.”

Eddie looked at him like he couldn’t quite understand what Steve was saying. So Steve cupped his face in both of his hands and nodded. “Eddie, I’m not straight. I can’t be. Because I’m stupidly into you. Physically and emotionally. It’s like really bad.”

Eddie still wasn’t saying anything.

“Not bad as in like not good but bad as in really really badly, you know, like, a lot,” Steve hurried to say and Eddie finally seemed to take pity on him.

“Steve,” he interrupted his nervous rambling. “I’ve been hopelessly gone for you ever since Spring Break.”

Steve sighed happily. Bit then he felt a smidge of sadness to his smile. “Me too, I think,” he replied. “I just didn’t know. I’m sorry.”

“You know now, don’t you?”

He nodded.

And finally, finally, a smile broke out on Eddie’s face. “Then you just needed some time to figure it out. There’s nothing wrong with that, you know? You don’t need to apologize.”

Steve’s smile widened. “Thank you, Eddie.”

“You don’t need to thank me either.”

Steve thought about that for a moment, looking into Eddie’s eyes. “I need to kiss you, though,” he then said. “Like, really badly.”

Eddie chuckled and his left hand ran up Steve’s back. “That’s alright. Welcomed even. Like, really badly.”

Steve shut him up with a kiss.

Another kiss that meant everything.

(God. He couldn’t wait to tell Robin about this.)