Chapter Text
Your family was to leave for Harrenhal in the early morning. There was still a chill in the air when you’d finished dressing in your riding clothes, ready for the long journey ahead.
Most of the others who would be taking the trip with you to the Riverlands had been up most of the night packing. Despite the chance to rest, you felt lucky you got any sleep at all. Last night you felt as nervous as you did on your wedding night. Restless thoughts kept you awake worrying. You also stayed up mourning your losses.
You’d gone to Rhaenyra once it was dark, telling her that you were all leaving. If you’d told her during the light of morning, you mightn’t have left. You were barely able to stand there and tell her you were going to go - luckily you didn’t have to get many words out. Somehow she’d known, and you didn’t ask how or why, you were grateful she understood regardless. Your emotions, ones that hadn’t been so heightened since last time you were pregnant, were heightened beyond propriety. So it was thrown out the window, and you had to hold her.
Because of the reason why you had to leave, you didn’t know when you’d see her again, if ever, and you almost couldn’t bear the thought. You tried your best to remember the way she felt. The smell of lavender and bath salts, how warm she was. You were saying goodbye to your closest friend, and that felt as good as death.
The next day, as the sun barely started to peak over the horizon, you were able to focus on your children.
Renai, the youngest, didn’t understand what was going on. She’d just started to speak, but in this case it was a blessing. She wouldn’t remember King’s Landing, or what she was leaving behind. She’d be lucky if she remembered leaving at all. All she knew was that today she was starting a long horse ride in her mother’s lap.
Dawsyn couldn’t understand why either, despite being older he still wasn’t old enough to get social cues, or listen to whispers. He’d be sad to leave, but you didn’t doubt he’d settle in Harrenhal easily. He had the whole ride there to sit with his father and talk, that would be a distraction enough.
Larys though, he worried you. He wasn’t young like his sister, nor naive enough as his brother. He did understand why you all had to leave, and he was bitter about it. He’d asked you why Jaceryes father mattered at all when his mother was The Rhaenyra Targaryen - and you realized that maybe he didn’t understand. Or he understood more than everyone else did. Larys always had a protectiveness over Jace, most chalked it down to being close friends, but the more cunning (or more knowledgeable) knew it was just his nature. He was a good older brother.
Thinking about that too much, how they’d all be separated from now until who knows when, that made your heart hurt too much. So you busied yourself with something else.
Renai was in your arms when you entered the Keep’s courtyard. She was still sleepy from having been woken so early, so her head rested on your shoulder. You could feel her warm breaths on your neck, and it grounded you as you took in the sight before you.
Larys was already on his horse, a colt called Morningstar, with his Uncle holding the reins and standing close beside him. They were talking, the man’s voice far too soft for anyone besides his nephew to hear. Your son smiled though, which made the butterflies in your stomach settle some.
Nearby Harwin was also already on his horse, Kerberos, and leant down to take Dawsyn by the back of his coat. With little effort he lifted the boy onto the horse to sit in the saddle right in front of him. He caught your eye, smiling softly as he looked at you and your daughter, then turned away to his father.
Your steps took you away to where your own horse Alister was saddled and ready for you. Pacey and Raechel stood nearby, waiting. You loved that they got to come with you, however you felt awful that they had to leave their places beside Rhaenyra - your only solstice was that Suni was one to take their place. You trusted her like none other, you knew she’d look out for your Princess just like you would.
Raechel stood at the head of your horse, holding his reins and speaking to him quietly as you got on. One quiet night early in your marriage, Harwin told you she could almost be called a witch with how horses listened to her, and how she seemed to be able to listen back. He said once she walked right up to a wild stallion and rode it right across a river just because she didn’t want to get her shoes wet.
Pacey took Renai from your hands, and placed her back up in your lap. By far she was the best Aunt you could ask for. Caring and kind, always willing to give anyone the time of day. You almost wondered how her and Harwin could have any of the same blood, for his temper flared often, and you’d yet to see her raise an ill hand even to swat away an insect.
Once settled on your horse, Raechel handed you the reins, and both women went away to mount their own horses. You wrapped an arm around Renai, pressing a kiss to the top of her head as she leant back into your stomach, and guided Alister beside Harwin’s horse.
“Ready to leave?” He asked.
“Never.” you replied, refusing to look behind you as the gates opened. “But I’m ready to go.”
▪──── ⚔ ────▪
You’d arrived at Harrenhal on your third day of travel. By then you were sick of being in a saddle, having to do it for so long after not being on a horse at all had you sore in places you forgot could be sore - and considering your nighttime activities with Harwin, that really was saying something.
Your travelling party all heaved a collective sigh of relief when you saw the towering castle spires in the distance. A meal at a real table, and a bed out of the cold was calling everyone - seven hells, you’d see to it yourself that each servant got a full belly of food for the next week in gratitude for coming all that way with your family.
You had to admit, one thing you liked about the prospect of Harrenhal was that it was closer to the Vale, and closer to your father’s house.
At the end of your long travel day, you stood with Renai in your arms as you looked out across the moors toward the direction of your homeland, cooing stories and memories to your little girl as the sun went down.
“Your grandsire would so enjoy meeting you,” you said softly, curling her hair around one of your fingers, “You have his spirit in you, I can tell.”
“She will never have children.” A voice said behind you. You turn to find a woman with long dark hair standing in the doorway. “Neither will the one in your womb. And you aren’t supposed to be here.” You spend a moment taking her in. Watching her, sizing her up just like she’s doing to you. In your arms Renai’s head also turns. “Alys.”
“I figured.” You said in reply to her curt self-introduction. Renai turns in your arms to return looking out the window with her head resting on your chest. Alys’ head tilted owlishly.
“How?”
“Your aura succeeds you.” you said, mirroring your daughter and likewise turning towards the window. “And your reputation. But neither can scare me.”
“Are you sure?” You could hear her dress move as Alys slowly started moving closer. “You should be scared.”
“Why?” you asked. You didn’t move, but your eyes found hers. She was unblinking, and it made your hold on Renai tight.
“Your husband will have ten children, but only one will live to see their own.” She said, voice carrying along the stone walls despite how quietly she spoke. “And you will have cursed his name. The god’s that still walk are not happy with what you have done, or what you will do. For generations to come, your children will die, and they will all put the blame on you.”
“What have I done?” you whispered.
“Lived.”
▪──── ⚔ ────▪
Three years. Three years since you arrived at Harrenhal, and three years of Alys Rivers' words echoing in your mind. You tried not to let it bother you but it was hard.
When you told Harwin, he originally tried to get you to dismiss it as her being a little eccentric. You now knew what Harrenhal was like, how dark and cold it was, how it could drive anyone a little mad if they stayed too long and Alys had been there her whole life. But when you woke one night, unable to stop shaking from the nightmare that had taken hold, he became a lot more understanding. He didn’t dismiss Alys so much after that, after seeing how much it actually affected you.
Despite that, you didn’t see a lot of her, and she barely spoke to you. Instead, content to just watch with big, unblinking eyes. For a while her eyes bothered you more than her words did, but then your second daughter was born. Eight months into your stay at Harrenhal, on a quiet night, Mariana Strong entered the world.
Now Mariana was older than Renai was when you first moved, and your stomach swelled once more. The Maester said you were far enough along to tell it was twins - you were too big too early for it to be one child.
“Mother, when’s Uncle coming to visit?” Dawsyn asked. You ran your hand across his head, pushing his hair back as he laid on your lap. Your other hand laid on your stomach, protectively rubbing it. “You said he wrote. He’s promised to come.”
“Perhaps you can send him a raven tomorrow. I’m sure he’d love to hear you’re excited to see him again.” you suggested.
“Sure about that?" Harwin mumbled from where he sat on the bed beside you as he tried to coax Mariana to sleep.
“Harwin.” You hissed, elbowing him. He just sighed.
“Larys, come say goodnight. Take yourself and your brother to bed.”
Larys stood from near the fireplace where he was trying to pry a wooden horse from Renai’s sleeping hands. He came to your side and kissed your cheek, looking down at your stomach, then tugged on Dawsyn’s arm.
“Night Mother.” he said.
“Night Mama.” Dawsyn echoed, climbing up your bed to clumsily kiss the same cheek before rounding the bed and doing likewise to Harwin. “Night Father.”
“Goodnight,” Harwin said, “Both of you sleep well. I’ll wake you up in the morning. We’re going hunting tomorrow.” And with that they both left.
You looked across to the fireplace, watching as Renai stirred but didn’t wake. You had to admit those furs were soft, but you worried the chill would reach her without a blanket. Starting to rise, you stopped when a hand pushed down on your shoulder.
“What are you doing?” Harwin asked.
“Getting a blanket.”
“We have so many blanket’s already, I’m almost smothered at night if I don’t push some off.”
“Not for me, oaf. For our daughter so she doesn’t freeze if the fire goes out.” you replied, gesturing to Renai.
“You could’ve just asked.” He said, “Ana sleeps better with you anyway.” You moved back onto the bed, and Harwin placed Mariana next to your side. You wrapped an arm around her, and he leant over you both with his hand on either side. “Let me tuck in all my favorite Ladies.” He smiled, leaning down to kiss your lips gently before rising. His actions made your chest warm, and you couldn’t help but hold Mariana closer and kiss her cheek as she snuggled in.
You could still watch Harwin as he tucked Renai in. Stole a blanket from the foot of your own bed and laid it snug over her shoulders, making sure her feet were covered. He took a pillow from the couch, lifted her head and placed it underneath. She stirred more than before, but he shushed her gently, ran a thumb over her cheek soothingly, before deciding she’d settle enough on her own. So he came back to bed.
“You’re going hunting tomorrow?” you spoke quietly as he climbed under the bed covers.
“With my father, he wants to spend some time with his grandsons.” He hummed.
“Renai’s been nagging about going with you.”
“She’s barely five.” He mumbled, shifting to lay down right at your level. He smiled when he caught your eye. You huffed, but smiled back.
“It’ll be a good name day gift.” you concluded quietly, eyes slowly closing from sleep.
“Good idea.” you heard Harwin whisper, “I’ll make sure she gets a nice big buck.”
▪──── ⚔ ────▪
Your eyes opened, and you sat bolt upright in bed.
“Harwin,” you said, but he didn’t stir. So you tried again. “Harwin.”
“What?” he groaned, holding Mariana to his chest as he shifted.
“Can you smell that?” You said. From the way he sighed you could tell he was going to tell you to go to sleep, ready to put the blame on the babes in your belly making your mind wander from reality, but then he stilled very suddenly. He sat up too, bringing Mariana with him. “You can smell it.”
“Smoke.” His voice was rough with sleep but there was an urgency to his tone. “Get up, get Renai.”
You moved off the bed as fast as your body allowed, throwing a shawl over your shoulders as you went to shake Renai awake.
“Mama?” her voice was groggy, and she was confused. You took her hand and helped her sit up. “What’s wrong?”
“We need to go. Come.” Renai lost some sleepiness then, and you both stood and made your way to the door.
“I need to get this open, it’s jammed. The handle won't budge.” Harwin said. You were already reaching for Mariana when he gestured for you to take her. Renai grabbed at your nightdress, and you pressed her closer to your leg. Out the window you could see a faint orange glow - it was all you could focus on as Harwin hammered at the door.
It was getting brighter.
Bang.
The door wasn’t moving.
Bang.
Your daughters were going to die.
Bang.
Your sons were all alone.
Bang.
“Harwin,” you said as you heard wood crack in the distance, “Our boys.”
Bang. The final hit was hard enough to shake the windows, and strong enough to crack the planks of the door. Harwin pried at the wood, desperate, piece by piece it fell away until there wasn’t a door at all.
But it had taken so long that smoke started to drift up the hallway. Mariana was coughing, and you weren’t able to calm her down. She was fussing so hard it made it hard to keep her in your arms.
“I’m scared Mama, what’s going on?” Renai cried between coughs. Her fists were so tight on your dress that it was stretching the fabric.
“We’re leaving, it’ll be alright.” You replied, guiding her through the door after Harwin. “Stay close to me.” You climbed across the threshold, finding one way covered in a smoky haze, while the other led to a part of Harrenhal that hadn’t seemed to be devoured yet by fire.
“Take the girls, cover your noses.” Harwin said, pressing Renai to your side as he looked over his shoulder into the glowing smoke. Toward the room of his father, and your son's room. “Leave through the great hall.”
“Harwin -” you started, eyes wide. You could feel your own fear from how hard your heart was beating in your chest. You didn’t want him to leave. You didn’t know if you would survive without him.
“Go.” He said, a rough palm coming up to hold your cheek. His thumb brushed your cheekbone before he pulled away and backed into the smoke. “I will not let our sons die today.”
“Papa!” Renai screamed, moving to follow but you grabbed hold of her arm and dragged her away.
“I need you,” you said, and she turned. “You need to stay and help your sister.” You felt her fingers weave into your skirts again, as you walked toward the great hall. You took your shawl and covered Mariana’s head with it. “Use that, breathe through it like your father told you.” you said to Renai.
With both your girls as safe as they could be, you grabbed hold of Renai’s shoulder and helped her stay close as you rushed downstairs. Somehow, perhaps by some blessing of a god that hated Alys’ promise of your children’s death, your path was mostly clear. All up until the door to the great hall. The door swung open in your direction, but the ceiling had collapsed, and a beam blocked it from opening.
“No.” you whispered. Renai jolted at your side as a hallway groaned behind you. She was clutching onto your leg so hard it hurt. The pain grounded you. You had to do something.
“Hold Ana. I need to move this.” you said, passing Mariana off to Renai. The girl, so in shock, did as she was told. Mariana was too big for her to hold, but she did it anyway.
You went toward the beam, wood still partially on fire and partially glowing coals. It would hurt to move it - but it wouldn’t compare to the pain of dying here. Wouldn’t compare to the pain of living without your family. So you steeled yourself, drew on the strength your name gave, prayed to any god that was listening, and took one more look at your daughters. Mariana wrapped in your shawl, her cries, and Renai’s tear streaked face - the recognition in her eyes that she could die. That you, her mother, could die.
“I will not let our daughters die today.”
The Warrior was listening. Despite how your arms shook and how your hands burnt, the beam moved. The strength you hoped for was yours to take. Yours to use. The beam moved, then groaned, then broke into charcoal.
“Renai, outside now!” you called, guiding her out as her legs started moving. When she got close, you took Mariana back so she wasn’t slowed more than she needed to be. She slipped through the crack in the door, and you followed. The fire lingered, but the courtyard beyond beckoned with torches and silhouettes of people rushing about. “Go, there. To the courtyard!” You told her, and she stumbled before regaining her footing and ran ahead with you close behind.
Despite her desperation for fresh air and an open space, she didn’t once let go of your skirts.
▪──── ⚔ ────▪
Something sour settled in your stomach. Having to wait was painful.
The servants had moved you and your daughters away from the parts of Harrenhal that had caught fire. It wasn’t spreading more - thank the gods - since the castle was far too damp to hold the heat, but the parts of it that had were still covered in flames, and getting more fragile by the second. Ceilings were caving in, you could hear it still from where you sat.
You could still smell the smoke clinging to your skin.
The only thing you could do was hold your daughters close and hope that somehow the rest of your family were alright. Hoping your boys weren’t burnt alive. Hoping your husband hadn’t been crushed under the weight of centuries old beams.
Oh, you thought you might die if Harwin didn’t survive this night.
Your nose was stuffed into Renai’s hair, so much like her father’s, if she weren’t so small it could’ve been like he was there instead. How you wished this fire didn’t start, how you longed to be back in bed with your family all around you. To be able to wake up in the morning and help your sons get ready to spend the day in the nearby woods hunting with their grandfather.
How you hoped Lyonel was okay. Pacey and Raechel too. Harrenhal had many exits, just because they weren’t in the same courtyard as you didn’t mean they were still inside. Pathways were blocked, sure, but they could have escaped. They had to have escaped.
But a pain in your lower stomach made your chest fill with dread. There was no way they all lived. Your door was bolted shut. What if their doors all were too?
“Father!” Renai screeched, breaking away from your arm so hard it made you jolt. Your head whipped to the direction Renai ran to, and you were met with a sight that made tears well in your eyes.
Harwin stumbled out of the glowing smoke and into the courtyard with Larys and Dawsyn in each arm. You shifted Mariana to your hip as you met him. He knelt to set down your sons - both coughing, with eyes red and wet, but alive - and you sank to his level as Renai jumped into his arms.
“You made it. You all made it.” he said. His hands couldn’t seem to settle, going from one child to the next, to you then back again as if he couldn’t believe you all were real.
“We will be together until the end of our days, I will not leave this world unless I’m certain you're waiting on me in another.” You had reached out to stroke his soot-covered cheek. Like his sons, his eyes were red, and they shed tears at your gentle touch. “Cursed be he who seeks to tear our family apart.”
“Where’s grandfather?” Larys asked, voice hoarse from coughing. Your eyes locked with Harwin’s, head shaking slightly. You hadn’t seen or heard of Lyonel once. Harwin frowned. Then he stood.
The thought of him going back into Harrenhal made a pain go to your stomach again.
“Harwin don't you dare!” you called, standing to go after him. You’d left your children together and took a few steps closer to grab his arm. “You can’t go back in there. You’ll die!”
“You’ll have me leave my father there? To die?”
“I won’t have you die! I wont see it, not tonight!” You hand tightened around his bicep, your other cradling your stomach as it pained again. “I need you with me. With us. Don’t leave me. Please.” You could see your words tear him in two. The unsurety on his face and the way his shoulders moved.
“Harwin!” A woman, Raechel, called behind you. She ran over, past her nieces and nephews to her brother’s side. “Father’s door is stuck I can’t get it open I’m not strong enough -”
Her words ceased as Harwin shushed her, reaching out to grab her cheek and cradle his little sister close. She was so distressed - the sight made you think of your children, what they would do if the roles were changed. Renai running to her brother Larys to help their father free of death.
Harwin looked at you, and you knew his mind was made up. He was going in to save his father. He was leaving you. He was going to die tonight.
Time moved slow. Your hearing disappeared into ringing as you watched Harwin turn and leave you and his sister behind. He started running.
You felt something still inside you, where the pain used to be. Then the pain returned. You went after him just for Raechel to hold you back.
Dawsyn and Renai ran to your sides, clutching at their aunt’s legs.
Harwin was about to disappear into the glowing smoke. Then there was a crack as loud as thunder, and the ground moved beneath your feet as the whole ceiling fell in on itself. Harwin jumped back, tripping over his own feet to scramble away. The way to Lyonel was gone, but Harwin was alive.
He was not going to die tonight, and Harrenhal itself was the one thing that saved his life.
▪──── ⚔ ────▪
“A raven came from King’s Landing.” Harwin stood by your side, waiting for you to turn your direction from the fire near your tent to the scroll he held for you. “From Suni.”
That got your attention.
“Have you read it?” You asked, looking across at him. He shook his head, turning the scroll over in his hand to show you the unbroken seal, and the writing that signaled it was for your eyes only.
You took the scroll into your bandaged hands, opened it, and started reading. What it said made your blood go cold. If you didn’t know Suni better, you would’ve asked for her head.
Rumor's in the Red Keep were already pointing fingers about the fire that destroyed Harrenhal - pointing fingers at who would be held accountable for Lyonel Strong’s death if the accusations proved true.
Corlys Velaryon was one - he wasn’t fond of Harwin at all, but he’d been kind to you and he’d always looked fondly at how your children played with Jace and Luke. Then Daemon - who would set fire to anything for a simple of a reason as being bored. Viserys himself ordering the call was a rumor you weren’t surprised about - what shocked you was how little that would mean he thought of you now, considering how close you were with Aemma and how close you still were with Rhaenyra. But one name had you freezing.
Larys Strong.
Suni wrote that she herself overheard him talking with Alicent. A comment he spoke damned him into taking responsibility. That wasn’t something you could ignore. It wasn’t something Harwin could ignore either.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, kneeling by your side. You looked at him, saw the worry on his face. How would he feel after being told his brother was the person most likely to have killed his father not even a day ago? Suni though was cunning, and had made sure to write about something else.
“Laena Velaryon is dead.” you said, casting the scroll into the fire. Harwin would never read it now.
He took your hands, understanding without words what it meant. Most knew she was with child again, no doubt her labors were the death of her - and with you entering final stages of your own pregnancy, it was easy to pass your emotions as anxiety. But really you were angry.
Betrayal simmered under your skin, and soon it was followed with rage and grief. How could Larys have done this? How could he have killed his own father? Why would he want his family dead? How dare he try and kill your children - his own nephew who carried his name like a legacy. Did he really not care? He’d tricked you into thinking he did. He lied. He lied and he killed.
A hand touched your face. Your thoughts vanished, and your gaze moved from the burnt message to Harwin’s eyes. He was worried before, but now he looked downright scared.
“What’s wrong?” you felt yourself slur. It confused you, why did you sound like that? Harwin stood suddenly and you tried to follow but your legs were too weak. Someone was whimpering. Was that you?
“Pacey!” Harwin’s voice felt far away. His hand landed on your shoulder and suddenly it hit you. You were whimpering. You were hurt. Your stomach.
Your babies.
“Too soon,” you mumbled, reaching up for Harwin’s arm. His hand shifted to the back of your neck right as your belly sent a cramping pain right to your hips. You let out a cry as you shifted in your seat.
“Hey hey, I know. Look at me.” Harwin said, cooing in the same voice he used with Renai when he tucked her in before the hearth in your bedroom. His hands were on your cheeks and his face was level with yours. “It’s too soon I know but I’m here. I’m not leaving you.”
“What’s wrong?” Pacey said, coming to your side and grabbing your hand as Harwin lifted you in his arms.
“Babies are coming.”
▪──── ⚔ ────▪
“Tell me to leave one more time and I’ll fucking kill you!” - was the first thing you were able to hear properly for hours.
Harwin had fiercely held his place beside you, and wasn’t going to let a Maester tell him otherwise. He stood strong as you doubled over, over and over again. He held you even now. Red welts rose on his forearms from where your nails dug into his skin yet he never flinched or wavered.
“The birthing room is no place for the husband -” The Maester tried again. You groaned loudly, your grip on Harwin’s arms tightened.
“If he doesn’t shut up you need to take his tongue -” your threat tapered out as another wave of pain washed through you.
“Easy, easy,” Harwin cooed, “He knows his place is listening to his Lord and Lady. Just breathe.”
“You’re doing so well sister,” Pacey said. She likewise hadn’t left, being the closest to a midwife around that wasn’t the Maester or Alys - and like hells you’d let Alys in your tent. You almost wished Raechel were here too - her presence was almost like Rhaenyra’s - but she was keeping your children occupied elsewhere.
How you’d rather be with her than here now.
“You’re so close,” Pacey said.
“Hear that?” Harwin said, voice soft and deep and reverberating into your skull from where it rested against his chest, “It’s almost over. You’re almost done, sweet wife.”
Almost done. Almost. How you loathed that word. This was never going to be over. Your children wouldn’t live. You’d instead live without them forever. You loathed that, and the message from Suni. You loathed Larys and how his bidding had caused the fire, Lyonel’s death, the stress and grief that it all passed on.
You loathed him because he’d killed your children. The blood you shed tonight was for them, and it was shed because of him. Your family remembers blood. Your father would remember. Your people would remember. You’d remember.
Larys the Kinslayer.