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Sitting on the couch with a sketch book. He can't concentrate as Kim walks in. His stomach has been in his throat all day. He knows exactly when it happened. His heat kicked in when they were plastered, Kim was high as hell. They had sex twice that night, when Kim realized the next morning he stayed away for a week until the heat was gone.
They don't have sex while Chay goes through a heat, any other time of the month they make love, Kim doesn't want to chance it during a heat. Kim hates kids, Chay knows better than to broach the topic of having one. They have been together for more than a year and Kim refuses to even discuss marriage. "Leave it to the heteros. Who needs a ball and chain." It always makes Chay feel low. Seeing himself as weighing Kim down.
He knows they love each other despite Kim's brash remarks. Kim has one of the biggest hearts despite his upbringing, always silently helping his friends, opening his own business. Other than the sex, it's the reason Chay fell in love with him.
Kim has been increasingly moody lately. He got turned down by a hot guy at a club he requests. It's been eating him alive. No one turns down Kim, they all beat each other for a piece of him. Chay thought since they have been more committed than ever Kim would give up the constant need to be the hot commodity and they could be a couple.
He knows he has been inspired by by their friends who just got married and have a newborn. It gave him hope for Kim. Kim is rambling on about work and going out.
"I'm pregnant." He might as well get it over with. The stone cold shock and silence is unbearable. Standing a ready to meet Kim's rage. "No fucking way. When?" The hard tone measures in condescension. Like Chay could possibly know that he is. Missing the last heat was a good tip off, was supposed to be two weeks ago.
"The night we got hammered." Kim knows when that was. Chay has been regular in his heats and Kim keeps an eye on them. It's cold and calculating. Kim is scoffing and walking away. Straight for the scotch. He does this when he has heard bad news. Chay went to the clinic this morning, him and Kim have been fighting and he attributed the missed heat to stress.
The smell of scotch to his over sensitive sensitive is making breathing difficult. Chay has always had this calling, this little voice and a feeling deep inside of wanting a family, to be a parent. He has never talked about it with Kim, he has this override button when it comes to it.
"I know your not thrilled. And it goes against your every need for your independence. This isn't how I thought it would go either." Silently chugging his drink, back facing him. Reason sometimes helps Kim. "Your not keeping it." And there is the dominant omega. Cold going down Chays spine at the calm cold voice. His word is final, he can feel it through his whole body.
He would have listened or talked it through any other time but knowing he is close to having something he has wanted most of his life, something the straight world flaunted in his face. His own fire going down his back. It's Chays turn to laugh. "Nice talk, Kim. Oh and fuck you."
He's grabbing his jacket. He knew he might need to leave. "Were you so inspired by Kinn and Porsche and their little bundle that you thought we would follow in their footsteps?" He has to admit he had hope. Hope that seeing their friends and family making their own family's it would inspire. At least it did for him.
"Not all alphas and omegas are straight, Kim. We are are making our families just as well as they are. Do you know how many can't and adopt? How many want to raise a family? Oh and since you asked I have since I was ten. I gave up hope when I realized I love you." Kim's father was horrible to him and he still wears the scars. Loving Kim meant giving this part of himself up. Kim was enough for him.
At least it was. Laying his hand on his stomach, what he hasn't dared to do yet and he automatically feels connected. To this being inside of him. He doesn't want to preplan it's life because God knows it could go the opposite direction. "I don't want it to be a senator, Mayor, President. He, she or they could be the best damn chef, the craziest teacher every parent signs their kid up for or play the best jazz saxophone anyone has ever heard."
Tears are rolling down his face. "I have let you make this decision for too long. I have a voice and you can't lay down the law. Not for me. Enjoy being the prime piece of meat on Liberty Avenue. I'm keeping it." For the last day he knew he would face anger from Kim. Disappointment for getting what he wants and not being able to have all of it. He has not intended to show how much this meant, only because he is putting his needs first.
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Kim remembers that morning well. The smell of Chays heat and the smell of them together. The night before coming to him in pieces but he got the idea. Cursing himself for being so careless. He has come home drunk and started getting high before getting home. It has been exactly two months. He thought he had dodged a bullet by staying away.
His parents hated each other, married out of duty, his father a miserable drunk. Him and his sister only seemed to drive and even deeper wedge. He had vowed to never love another person. Never let someone else's heart touch his. Chay had been a surprise. The boy seemed to copy his disinterest in having a boyfriend or being the conventional couple. He was alright with it.
He had made his found family around him over time. It was enough. The brothers and sister he didn't have growing up and wished he did. "I'm pregnant." The death of him and the molten asteroid hitting through the floor. And alien inhibiting the body he only had possession of. He had one rule, he could be the only one in Chays life, the only one the boy needs.
One thing he has always hated, seeing Chay cry. It made him hurt inside, he needed to fix whatever the problem was. This was different. Chay had wanted the thing growing inside him. He has already chosen to keep it. Kim knew if he just voiced the words Chay would get rid of it. Children were not meant for him or them.
Chays retreating body, this child was already coming between them.
Having dinner at Tankhuns place. It's the first time seeing Kinn and Porsche since the housewarming.its been a tense and quiet dinner, they know something is up with him.
"Chay left." It's been two weeks since he walked out the door. Silly Kim thought Chay just needed to get some air to cool off. He can't sit at the table in awkward silence anymore. "Showed up at the diner, gave him his old job back." Well that's a small comfort. It's not like he thought about filing a police report. But Chay probably told Tankhun not to say anything. A rare feat, that one.
"What are you planning to do?" Tankhun knows why Chay left, knows about the pregnancy. Chay wouldn't be able to get away with saying nothing. "I didn't kick him out, he left. His own decision." Coming to terms with someone not being there, it's funny the habits people pick up when they live together. Used to another body being there when he opened the door. The smell of Chay is still there.
"Like it's much of a difference." Kinn pipes up. Turning around, he knew Kinn would have something to say. "You put the idea of kids and family with your own hetero version." Kinn trying to blame him when he is just as much as fault. "He had his own ideas before you walked into his life, Kim. Maybe he doesn't want to be a one night stand for the rest of his life."
Now it's a shouting match. "He certainly had no trouble up until now." Tankhun having to separate them. "There is an innocent child involved that you helped create, little brother. Now what do you plan to do?" They all know where he stands on this and what they are really asking. They are expecting him and Chay to make up and make a happy family.
"Absolutely nothing." The circumstances don't change his views on this.
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He never thought he would be here but time is slowly getting away from him. "I have a favor to ask." Tae and Time are sitting so quiet across from him. "I was wondering if you two could watch the baby while I'm at work." They had been so good to him after he had come out, he had been in such an uncertain place, much like now.
"I know it's a lot to ask. You have two of your own your looking after and you have job. Kinn and Porsche both work and their son isn't living at the house." Hunter took off and they have been generous enough to lend him the spare room. He didn't leave Kim's with a lot of possessions, just the clothes on his back. He has been buying a little with what he makes at the diner. And they have offered the bassinet Jenny Rebecca has been using when his own baby comes.
"We will help in whatever way we can." His wardrobe has already changed, bigger billowy shirts. Sweat pants at the moment. Tae and Time are exchanging a look. They heard, from who he doesn't know and it doesn't matter.
"That fucking Kim." Time finally speaks. Kim and Time never really got a long, they have gotten closer recently but not cordial, there is still bad blood there. "He made his decision, I made mine." Theres no point in talking about it. It won't change anything and getting angry won't get anyone anywhere.
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There is a sea of canned goods in front of him, he has done this twice and he still has no idea what he's looking for. Seas salt, low salt, no salt. Corn, peas, carrots, fuck it, can he just get them raw?
"Hi there Mami, need some help?" Great some young guy trying to get his rocks off in the store. Rolling his eyes so hard it almost hurts. "I'm just trying to finish my day, please leaving alone." Normally he wouldn't intervene but he knows that voice. "That's not very friendly." Chay is at the end of a freezer with a baby carrier in the front. A young guy, college age is right up against Chay.
They haven't seen each other in months, Chay had the baby and is trying to keep calm but Kim can smell his distress. Placing his basket loudly on top of the frozen food bags. He would never do this but he hates guys who don't get the hint and are only in it for their own satisfaction. Both Chays and the other guys head snaps up.
"You don't strike me as the type to be a voyeur. Beat it." His omega tone leaving no room for discussion. The boy is very slowly stepping away, from what he was about to win against what he would be up against in a fight.
Chays shock is dissipating. There is a shyness to it that wasn't there before. "Thank you." He's feeling vulnerable. "Can you watch her for a second? I'll be right back." Chay dashing off. He has no intention of going to the front, grabbing the metal rings on the cart and preoccupying his mind with what Chay has in his cart. He can smell something sweet, like someone is just starting to cook sugar in a pan. He knows what it is and he's not daring to go there.
Chay is placing cooking oil in the cart. That's two aisles over, he didn't go far. "He approached you there." It would be why he forgot. Chay isn't answering but Kim's mind travels as his eyes land on Chays neck. Every time his hand touched it or his lips did.
He knows it's not rational but helping Chay to his car, he doesn't trust that guy isn't lurking around somewhere. He hadn't really paid attention bto the scent the guy gave off, too worried about Chay. And it's really not rational to follow him. To Kinns place? How long? Not his business. He remembers the house warning, when the cracks between him and Chay were really starting to grow.
"Your back and your brought company." Porsche is in the kitchen as Chay starts to unload bags. "He actually helped me out. I need to put her to bed." Chay is fast, is it past time or something? It's still early. Porsche is looking at him quizzically. "This punk was messing with him." He can still remember him as he hands bags over.
"Chays heights, light brown hair, kind of dumb looking." That's spot on. Porsche is almost laughing. "He was there once before when me and Chay went." Porsche doesn't have to say the guy took an interest in Chay then.
He can smell what he did at the store as he moves through the house. That baby has saturated almost every inch of air, making it difficult for him to breath. The air outside is a welcome relief. "Thank you for your help today." Kim is drawn in, his own smell being carried by the wind.
The connection is still there. "Kim." The sound of protest, finding himself millimeters from Chays face as he moves away. He can practically taste Chay on his tongue. To the rail of the house, hands braced on it. "We are so far away from that." Kim has felt that since they were at the store. Like they are on two different planets, miles from each other. It's like he is reminding Kim where they stand.
"You didn't acknowledge her while we left the store. Kept your distance while I carried her inside. We don't have joint custody, you don't even have visitation, your not paying child support and I'm not asking you too. Its not just me anymore." Chay isn't surprised by any of this, they haven't even talked since Chay left. The first time they ran into each other since. Kim stopped going to the diner, he found other places to get his coffee and to eat.
His friends aren't talking to him or he has kept his distance, the last time he was at Tankhuns was the last time. He knows what they are going to say and they know there is no need to say it. Of two things Kim is absolutely certain, he's in love with Chay. He hasn't stopped loving him. The second, he doesn't want to give Chay hope, he saw that hope leave Chay when they last saw each other.
The situation hasn't changed and Kim's view on this isn't going to. "Goodbye, Kim." Those words resonate so deep in him. Chay knows the same thing he does, he not going to be around, Chay has chosen his life and Kim chose his long ago. Love is not enough here. Chay sacrificed the first year they were together. He's not going to do it again and Kim won't ask him to. Chay is where he is meant to be. That is the part of this Kim can accept.