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Albert had never truly viewed himself as a man.
In his mind, he was just Albert. Not that it ever came up in conversation, it was just something he knew. He knew he’d never truly be a he, but ‘he’ didn’t mind. He chose not to intervene when the people of Twin Peaks referred to him as what he supposedly was. That being a man.
Sometimes he thought about correcting them, to go by what he wished. Or to even allow himself to understand what he felt. He wished he had room for choice, but alas, with his work he was busy almost all of the time. There was no time for silly things, no time to deal with unimportant personal matters.
So he didn’t.
He ignored how he felt for a long time, a long, long time.
Well, he tried his best to ignore it. Sometimes, things slipped through the cracks. Whether somebody would catch him looking at dresses in a certain way men aren’t meant to, or one day he’d just suddenly admit it to them.
Actually, that only happened once–With his colleague, Special Agent Dale Cooper.
★
“Cooper?” He knocked on the door to the man’s office. Albert heard the gently shuffling of papers and a small noise from the man as he got up.
Then Cooper opened the door, “Albert?”
“Cooper, would you still love me if I was a woman?” It came out a bit too loud for his liking. He kept his words clear and direct, not wanting Cooper to make any assumptions. His fists were kept clenched by his sides as he awaited a response.
Cooper blinked a few times, mouth lying open slightly. “Yes, of course, Albert,” He paused, “Is there any reason you’re asking me this?” He silently motioned for Albert to join him in his office.
Albert quickly waltzed in, shutting the door behind himself. He coughed into his fist and looked around, checking if anyone was around. “I think I may be a woman,” He bounced on his heels, avoiding Dale’s gaze.
Cooper blinked a few times, “I support you in whatever you do,” He said gently. “Should I–change the pronouns I use for you?”
Albert shook his head, “No, I don’t want anyone to–” He trailed off, placing his face in his hand. “I’m sorry, this must sound really fucking stupid,”
“No–no, it’s not. If it’s important to you, it’s important to me. Alright?” Cooper said, thoughtlessly moving closer to him. He gave a soft, reassuring smile.
“Thank you, Cooper,” He said, rubbing his hands together, “My shift’s already ended, I should–go home,” Albert mumbled, shuffling towards the door. “Goodnight, Cooper,”
“You can stay if you’d like,” Cooper offered, looking up at him with those beautiful eyes.
The silence was sickening.
“Goodnight, Cooper,” Albert said stiffly, before turning on his heels and leaving.
★
Sometimes he wished he would have stayed.
…But that was besides the point.
He’d located some woman’s makeup–It was at the store, and he decided to get it. He almost didn’t. Every time somebody he knew passed by, Albert did his best to conceal it under his groceries.
He then paid for the small box of makeup and brought it all the way back to the Great Northern.
Gentle rain pattered outside as he shut the door to his room. He locked it and headed to the bathroom. Then he locked the bathroom door for good measure.
He set the small box on the counter. It had flowers all over it. Did he think it looked stupid? Obviously. Did it make him feel better about himself? Maybe.
Well, ‘himself’ wasn’t even–
He didn’t like it.
She didn’t like it.
Her hands shook as she decided that she didn’t want to be a man. She took the lid of the box off and began slowly taking out each piece.
She didn’t even know how to use any of it, but she got the jist. But there was one thing she did understand; The lipstick.
It nearly fell from her shaking hand. Her face was stern, like she was disappointed in herself, or in the lipstick for tempting her, but she was so happy–
…But so scared too.
So, so scared.
She sighed and decided to just go for it. Albert popped the cap off and slowly ran it across her lips, turning them a deep shade of red.
Albert let out a huff of a breath as she watched herself become what she always wished to be. Even if it was barely a change, it was still–She was–
She was a woman.
And that was okay.
She clutched the tube in her hand, staring at her lips in the mirror until–
Two knocks.
She jumped at the sound, immediately moving towards it, before remembering that she still had–
Albert scrubbed it off her lips with a quick wipe of his suit’s sleeve. She opened the door, still clutching the lipstick in her hand.
“Albert, I got the–” Cooper looked up from the bag and froze. His mouth laid open as it did three years ago. Albert held the lipstick a bit tighter, keeping it hidden in his palm. Why the hell didn’t she just leave it in the bathroom? “I got the coffee you asked for. The stuff I recommended a few days ago. I promise you, your tastebuds will fall in love when you take your first sip,”
“Ah, thank you,” She almost stretched her arm out to grab it, before realizing how silly that looked. So she traded the lipstick with her other hand and took the coffee beans. She saw that Cooper kept his eyes on the coffee, but she chalked it up to the man’s fervent obsession with coffee.
She set it down on her desk, before noticing that Cooper had followed her in. Even going so far as to shut the door behind himself, Damn it.
“Are you alright, Albert?” Cooper asked, voice soft.
“Of course I’m alright,” She looked over at him, “What are you insinuating, Cooper?” Albert furrowed her brows.
“No, I just wanted to know,” He paused, “I hope you know I support you in everything you do,”
She felt sick.
Yeah, she definitely felt sick.
Could he tell or was it the–
“Okay,” She turned away and began to move to hide the lipstick. She didn’t care where she was putting it, it just had to go away.
Albert got down on her knees, roughly opened her bag, and shoved the lipstick into a small pocket. She wasn’t even listening to what Cooper was saying as she did so. She felt disgusted with herself. Yes, she supported Denise, she supported the transgender community, but–
Not when it was her.
Not when she was the one doing it.
Then she looked up and made eye contact with the window. She saw Cooper standing behind her, clearly worried, but then she saw her face.
Lipstick was clearly smeared across her face and–
She froze, eyes wide as she stared at her face in her reflection.
Cooper walked over and kneeled down next to her, “This isn’t going to change anything, Albert. I love you very much,” He kept his eyes on her. “You’re alright,”
Albert blinked a few times and put her head in her hands, “Fuck,”
“You’re alright,” Cooper said softly, gently placing a hand on his back. “It’s alright,”
“I just want to be a woman, Cooper. Is that too much to ask?” She shook, lipstick from her hands staining her face as she did her best not to break down into tears.
“You are a woman, Albert,” He murmured, “You just haven't fully transitioned yet, and that’s alright. You’ll always be a woman to me,”
“Thank you, Cooper,” She mumbled, tears forcing their way down her cheeks.
“You’re the prettiest woman I’ve ever met,” Cooper said, and Albert could have kissed him right there.
But instead, she just slowly slipped her hand over Cooper’s, “Thank you, Dale,” The man took it and gave a gentle squeeze. “I love you,”
“I love you too, Albert,”
And they just stayed there for a few minutes. Perhaps it was five, maybe ten at most, but it felt like eternities for the both of them.
Then Albert spoke, “You really mean a lot to me, Agent Cooper,” She stood up, pulling her hand away from Cooper’s.
Cooper stood up next to her, “Thank you, Albert. I hold the same sentiment towards you,” He paused, looking up at him. “But I think there’s something we need to talk about,”
“What is it?” Albert asked,
“I understand how scared you are, but–” He paused, “You’re hurting yourself, Albert. You can’t keep hiding this,”
Albert blinked a few times. She knew Cooper was right. She knew she had to–She had to make a change. She had to live how she wanted. “I’ll call Gordon tonight,” Albert said without thinking. She was always a sucker for Cooper, wasn’t she?
“Thank you, Albert,” He gave a reassuring smile.
★
“Lucy, I need the best dresses I can get. Can you help me?” Cooper asked, looking down at the front desk.
“What for, Agent Cooper?” She asked, playing with the pencil in her hand.
“I need them for a certain someone,” He smiled, “Now, can you help me, Luce?”
Lucy stood up, “Um, yeah, I can help you,” She walked out of her little office and walked up to Cooper, “What dresses do you need?”
“I’m not exactly sure,” Cooper said. “But I’m sure I’ll figure it out,”
“Alright, let’s go,” She paused, “Can you drive?” Lucy asked, playing with a string hanging off her cardigan
“Of course,” He smiled, pulling his keys from his pocket.
★
Lucy didn’t ask many questions during the car-ride, she was too focused on talking about her situationship with Andy and Dick. (Cooper was pretty sure he heard Andy walk past, stop for a moment, and keep moving during their conversation. He’d have to reassure him that nothing was going on between them. He knew he was a bit antsy after the incident with Dick.)
Cooper did his best to pay attention to her ramblings, but he was more focused on thinking up what sort of dress Albert would prefer. He would probably go for something simple, not wanting to push her into anything she didn’t want.
“Here it is! Um, turn right,” She watched as Cooper turned right into the wrong parking lot. “Wait no, I’m sorry, I meant left,”
“It’s alright,” Cooper smiled, turning around and parking in front of the clothing shop.
“And, and just a heads up,” She started to fidget with her hands, “Um, Dick works here, I know we aren’t together anymore, but he might try and talk so just–”
“I understand, Lucy,” He smiled, “I’ll watch out for him,”
“M’kay,” She slowly got out of her car, “I just don’t wanna see him anymore…” She mumbled. He was a nice guy, but randomly disappearing for months at a time? She just couldn’t do that, Dick kept hurting her, and she wasn’t going to stay with somebody who would do that.
“I know, we don’t have to,” Cooper gave a reassuring smile and exited the car. Lucy did the same, but she was much slower than him.
“So, where do we start?” Cooper looked around the large store. The lights were so bright they were almost blinding, and there were mannequins all posed about. They were all covered in lavish, colorful clothing.
“Um, there,” She mumbled and pointed towards the aisle with the dresses.
“Thank you,” Cooper confidently strutted up to the area and began to look over all the woman’s clothing he could find. “Does this look good, Lucy?” He asked, picking up a dark black dress. It was long, and went to about knee length. “
“Hm, I don’t know,” She looked at it, “It’s a bit dark…”
“I think he’ll–” He paused, “She’ll love it,” Cooper smiled, “Thank you for your help, Lucy,” He started to walk towards the register, before–
“Only one thing? Not even an outfit?” She asked, furrowing her brows, “Agent Cooper, you can’t be serious,” Cooper stared down at her, mouth sitting somewhat agape. “Come over here,” Lucy marched over to the shoe aisle and picked up some black dress shoes, a shirt, and a green button up to put under it, “Here,” She said, shoving all the different articles of clothing into his hands.
“Ah, thank you for your help,” He repeated with an even larger smile.
“Of course, you need it,” She said, leading him to the register.
★
Albert quickly pressed each key down on the bulbous phone in her room. She put a hand on her hip as she listened to the ring.
Then the ringing stopped.
“Gordon?” She forced out, frozen in place as she held the phone to her ear.
“Yeah, who is it?” His voice crackled through the phone
“It’s Albert,” She said stiffly.
“What are you calling for? Any new leads on the Palmer case?”
“No–I,” She paused, “I think I may be a woman, Gordon,”
“Oh!” He paused for a moment, “I’ll go update your file,” Gordon took another moment, “Is there anything you’d like me to call you–instead of Albert?”
“I don’t know” She paused, “I’ll just go by Albert for now,” She furrowed her brows, letting out a soft breath.
“Alright then!” Cole yelled through the phone. “Have a good night, Albert!”
“Goodnight, thank you, Gordon,” She said, gently setting the phone down on its stand.
She remembered the protocol for Denise. She wondered how Gordon would tell everyone, or if that would be her job. Albert felt a bit sick.
Then it dawned on her.
She picked up the phone and clicked in another number.
Gentle rings filled the room.
Then they stopped.
“Denise?” She folded her arm over her chest, “Can we talk?”
“Oh, of course!” Denise said, “What’s wrong?” She could hear it in Albert’s voice. Something was definitely wrong.
“I already told Gordon, but I–” She mumbled, “I’m not a woman,” She paused, “I mean–I’m not a man, I’m a woman. Fuck,”
“Hey, hey, it’s alright,” She said, voice getting soft. “I support you,” Denise “Do you need me to hook you up with some estrogen?”
“No, no–” Albert paused, “Actually, maybe, but that’s not why I’m calling,”
“...Why are you calling?” She asked.
“I don’t know,” Her fingers curled into a fist around the phone.
“I understand,” Denise took a moment, “I need to go to bed, but just know, I completely support you. We can meet up tomorrow, alright?”
“Alright,” Albert let out a shaky breath, she was starting to feel sick again. Not that she ever stopped feeling sick, it was just getting worse. “Goodnight, I’ll see at the Double R Diner,”
“Hold on,” She took a moment, “Before I go…did you tell Cooper?”
“Yes,” Albert said stiffly, “He understood, but I think I got some lipstick on him,” She said, not even realizing what idea that could put in someone’s head. She looked down at her hand, seeing the red stains covering it, “Mostly on his hand. We were holding hands and I–”
“That’s nice, Albert,” Denise cut her off, not wanting to know Cooper’s personal business. “Goodnight,” She said awkwardly,
“Goodnight,” She hummed, mind thoughtlessly focusing on Cooper’s hand under her own, getting stained with lipstick.
And she felt a bit less sick.
★
It was raining again, as it usually did in Twin Peaks. Yet today, it was different. It had been about three days since Albert told Cooper she was transgender,
Cooper knocked on her door, “Albert?” He called out, momentarily questioning if she’d ever decided to change her name.
“Hm?” She opened the door, brows furrowed as she looked at Cooper.
“I have something for you,” He smiled and silently offered the bag to her.
“What is it?” Albert asked, taking it in her hand. She silently looked it over.
“May we go into your room, Rosenfield?” Cooper asked, deciding to stick with her last name for now.
Albert froze at the use of her name in that fashion. She liked it…a lot.
“Of course, you’re always welcome in my room, Cooper,” She said, opening the door for him.
He quickly entered her room. When she shut the door, Cooper turned and offered the bag again. “Here,”
Albert hesitantly took it, “Thank you, Cooper,” She looked down at the bag and opened it. She saw the shoes first, “Ah, thank you for the shoes,”
“Under that, Albert,” He smiled.
She sat down on her bed, took the shoes out and placed them to the side, before reaching in and pulling out–
A dress.
She held it in her hands for a moment, looking down at it. “Thank you, Cooper,”
He smiled at her in a way that made her stomach churn, “Of course. Anytime, Albert,” There was a gleam of a smile, “I love you,”
“I love you too, Cooper,” She said, “May I go try on the–” Albert trailed off.
Cooper nodded, “Of course,” He picks up the shoes and hands them to her.
Albert quickly scuttled off to the bathroom, yet Cooper just sat there waiting. There was a short silence, before he pulled out his recorder.
The soft sound of a click.
“Diane, it’s eight thirty-five,P.M. Thursday, twenty-first. And I think I may be in love,” He whispered, the machine softly buzzing as he did so.
A long pause.
Another click.
He set the recorder down on the bed beside him.
★
After a good few minutes of waiting, Cooper heard Albert muttering something from behind the bathroom door.
Cooper blinked a few times, looking over towards the commotion, “Albert? Are you alright?” He stood up and hesitantly walked over to the commotion, giving the door a gentle knock.
“I’m fine, Agent Cooper,”
A moment passed with Cooper just staring at the door, mouth slightly lying open.
“...You don’t have to call me agent, Albert,” He said, “I–I’d really prefer to think we’re more than that,” He almost choked as he realized what he said, “Friends, I mean,” He let out a huff of a breath, what could almost be interpreted as a ‘shit’ “I mean we’re friends, Albert,” He placed a hand on the door.
Another silence.
“...I love you, Cooper,”
“I love you too,” Cooper’s gaze shifted from the door to his shoes. His hand slipped from its place on the door as he let out a soft breath. He placed his hands on his hips.
A moment or two passed.
“Shit–” Albert muttered. A few clinks and clatters ring out from behind the door.
“Are you alright?” He asked, looking back up at the door.
“I may need–” She paused, “A bit of help,” She said with a mumble. “My, ah, zipper. I can’t reach it, Coop,”
Cooper blinked a few times, “Oh,” He took a moment to think, “Can I–Do you need me to come in there, Albert?”
“Yes please,” Cooper reached out and took the doorknob. He slowly turned it, and it opened. It silently dawned on Cooper that she didn’t lock the door. A level of trust was there, enough to leave the door unlocked as she changed. Cooper tried his best to think nothing of it.
She looked like an angel.
An angel dressed in black. From her shoes to her dress to her eyes she looked like an angel. By God, she’d looked like she’d fallen from the heavens, slipping from her spot right next to the stars.
He wondered if it was the button up or the lipstick that left him awestruck. Or perhaps it was the dress, fit over Albert’s figure in a way that dazzled Cooper. He stared for a moment, or two or three, keeping his eyes on Albert in all her glory.
Cooper’s face turned a shade of pink, almost as pink as Albert’s lips normally were. As of the moment, they had been glossed over with black lipstick. It was clear she didn’t know how to apply it yet; it seemed to have somewhat stained the places under her lips as well.
“Like what you see, Cooper?” She said with a smirk,
“I think I may, Albert,” Cooper smiled, putting his hands on his hips.
“Now, the zipper is–” Albert turned around and her dress swung about. “There Cooper,”
Cooper’s jaw fell agape as he stared at Albert’s back. He held back from tracing his fingers along it. He took a moment, before slowly grabbing the zipper and pulling it all the way up her back, covering it up again. Cooper let out a soft, yearning sigh.
Then Albert turned around, looking Cooper in the eyes again.
Cooper stared at her lips, black, like he liked his coffee, black like–
Albert took a step forward, and Cooper didn’t take one back.
“Albert, I think–” Cooper kept his eyes locked with Albert’s. Her eyes seemed to glisten in a way that must have made angels weep before she’d fallen. A way that made his heart skip a beat.
“Call me Rose,” She said, before leaning in and fervently pressing his lips to her own.
★
“My, my you look great,” Diane looked Rose over as she walked through the diner.
“Apologies, Diane, I’m already taken,” She gave a smirk as she sat down at the table.
“I can tell, Albert,” The woman’s lipstick seemed to have a slight smudge to it, one that Diane quickly picked up on.
“It’s Rose, now,” She corrected, a hesitant smile lacing her features.
“Oh, my bad,” Diane twirled her hair and leaned over, “It’s Cooper, isn’t it? Your partner?”
Rose seemed to freeze in her seat, “How could you tell?”
“How could I not? Hell, I saw him in the office with black stains on his chin. You aren’t as sly as you think you are, Rose,” She gave a smirk, before looking up at the waitress that had come over, she was pretty sure her name was Shelly, “Can I get a grilled cheese with a side of eggs, please?”
“Grilled cheese and eggs, Diane?” Rose gave her a gentle side-eye.
“Of course,” She smirked, looking from Rose back up to the woman, “May I get some ketchup with that?”
Rose sighed and held her face.
“And what would you like, Agent Albert Rosenfield?” Shelly held up her little notepad, staring down at Rose.
A silence filled the room as she stared back up at Shelly. She didn’t exactly know what to do about it. The name–Albert, made her feel a bit gross.
She blinked once, twice, and another time.
“I prefer Agent Rose,” She said, hesitance lacing her every move. Rose said it as she always spoke, sternly, seriously, but she felt sick. Her stomach rolled up in deep knots.
“Oh, alright, Agent Rose,” She smiled, “Now, what’d you like?” Her eyes flickered from the agent to her notepad a few times.
“Ah, just a coffee and a chocolate chip cookie,” Her voice had a bit of a shake to it.
“Alright then,” Shelly scribbled a note and quickly made her way back to the kitchen.
Rose let out a soft rough breath, finally calming down. She rubbed her face, before noticing Denise staring at her with a big smile.
She furrowed her brows and stiffly sat up.
“I’m proud of you,” Denise said softly, looking Rose in the eyes.
Rose's stomach churned, just as it had moments before, but in a different way. She felt sick, but it was–
She didn’t even realize there were tears streaming down her face until the shaking started.
“You’re alright,” Denise solemnly stared at him, “I’ve been there. I know how scary it can be,” She took a moment, watching Rose’s breathing slow and her shaking stop, “You’ll be alright, Rose,”
She collapsed in on herself, gently letting her face fall into her hands once her tears had stopped.
“Thank you, Denise,” Rose forced out, “You really do mean quite a bit to me,” She pulled her head from her hands, “I hope you know that,” Rose murmured, finally looking Denise in the eyes.
“I know, Rose,” Denise smiled, “I know,”
★
When Rose stepped inside the office all eyes turned to her. Any conversations taking place were swiftly cut off by the ‘man in a dress’ before them. (She wasn’t sure if they had been told about her transition yet, but she didn’t care. They’d figure it out soon enough.)
Andy just sat, mouth agape, not judging, but just–staring. Like a child who was never taught their manners surrounding gawking at disabled people in the street.
Hawk, luckily for Rose, wasn’t in the lobby.
Cooper shifted his gaze from Truman to her with a proud smile. They’d been planning this for quite a while. He raised a hand, giving her a wave as his other hand held onto his coffee. “Hiya, Rose,”
Rose smiled, “Hello, Cooper,” She leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his lips.
…If she wasn’t mistaken, she could feel Truman watching them. She chose to ignore his silent yearning gaze, she hoped Cooper would do the same.
“So, do we have any new leads?” Cooper asked, taking another sip of his steaming hot beverage.
“Not yet, Gordon says the forms will arrive by tomorrow night,” She acted as if everything was normal, as if she showed up in a dress every day.
“Ah, alright,” Rose smirked at the way Cooper barely seemed to care for the case at the moment. It was first priority above anything, of course, but she could see the way Cooper’s eyes gently glided over her features, or the way his smile never faltered even as she hit him with bad news.
She gave him another kiss, before grabbing his hand and leading him out of the room to their office. Her heels clacked on the wood floor as she strutted down the hall.
When they got there, Cooper quickly grabbed a doughnut and handed it to her.
“I think I like this, Coop,” Rose smiled, sitting down in a comfortable chair next to Dale’s seat. “I’m sure it’ll take some time for everyone to adjust, but…this is…pleasant,” Rose blinked a few times, staring up at him. For once in her life, she seemed to feel home in her own skin.
Cooper sat down beside her, yet his eyes stayed glued on her, “I love you, Rose,” He said, “I’m glad you’re enjoying yourself,”
“Now, before we look at the files…” Rose paused and looked over at him, “May I kiss you, agent Cooper?” She asked, a smile forming on her face.
He was surprised by the sentiment, but that wasn’t a bad thing by far, “Oh, yes–I’d like that,” Cooper leaned towards her, “Would you prefer if I moved to kiss you, or if you–”
Rose spun her chair over, leaned towards the man’s face, and kissed him.
Cooper was positively stunned. His face was completely red by the time Rose pulled away. He wasn’t sure he’d ever been kissed like that.
“There,” Rose smiled, pulling away. She proudly stared at the lipstick left on Cooper’s lips, “Now, onto the case at hand,”
After a moment or two, he laid his head down on her shoulder. Rose paused and looked down at him, “You’re a good man, Cooper,”
“And I think you’ll find that you’re an amazing woman, Rose,” Cooper smiled, staring right back up at her.
In a moment, a hand slipped into hers. Rose smiled, “I love you,”
“And I love you too, Rosie,” Coop said softly.
“Don’t call me that,” She crossed her arms, though a small smile did perk up as the man spoke.
And in that moment, somehow, Rose felt in a way she never had before. She felt truly content. Not as though she’d never found purpose before, but…she felt…good about herself. She wasn’t flinching at every masculine nickname, or every pronoun she was referred to as.
No matter how she was taught never to question these things, she knew her eyes weren’t supposed to linger on women as they did in her younger years. With all factors included, she knew something was off her whole life. Part of her knew what was missing the whole time, yet didn’t admit to it. Not back then–
But, only when she admitted what she needed, what she’d needed her whole life, did she finally feel okay.
And as she looked over at Cooper, and at the dress wrapped around her, a smile perked up on her lips.