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Kanade knows she has to go outside and restock. She has no father or mother to do that for her anymore. She's responsible for herself. She's free. Her grandma's gaze feels heavy. She is halfway across the country but Kanade can feel her disappointment. Kanade is a poor, poor child with no parents, no friends, and no close family. She's truly and well alone. Kanade picks up a pair of earphones and connects them to her phone. She chooses the music she's obsessed with at the moment. It's getting hot outside, she forgoes her track jacket and puts on her shoes. She closes and locks the door, and that's when it hits her she didn't put on any socks.
She doesn't care.
The grocery store down the street is a bit too expensive. She's not tight on money this month but she shouldn't spend it willy-nilly. Her grandma's pity can only go so far. And nobody is going to hire a 14 year old with no connections, no social skills, and with too much baggage. Kanade is more trouble than she's worth, and she has to be ok with it. The store 4 blocks away has cheap prices and they're having a sale on cup noodles. Her feet will kill her for the rest of the week but it is what it is. Kanade checks her phone, she turns on data, no new messages. There was this girl she was kinda close with when she still went to school. She would send cat memes to initiate a conversation with Kanade, it would always go nowhere. That girl was kind but she was too bland, too normal. She could never connect with Kanade on a deeper level. Kanade taps on the music app, she chooses the option to loop a single song. The people on the street gives her weird stares. Some are inquisitive enough to stare right at her face. Kanade ducks down and stares at the concrete.
She doesn't care.
Kanade gets what she needs to survive. Noodles and spam meat. On the line to the cashier she gets an off-brand chocolate as a little treat. It's an old woman, she scares Kanade for some reason. Maybe it`s the tired face. The old woman says "Thank you". Kanade hushes out a "Thank you too".
The lampposts are on. There's more cars than people on the street. Kanade wants to throw herself on one of them. That'd be too messy and she'd be traumatizing a random stranger. Plus she'd most probably survive and the only thing she gets out of it is a lifelong disability.
She doesn't care.
Kanade unlocks the door. The house is dark and quiet. Her feet hurt. The song is still looping on her ears. She's going mad.
She doesn't care.
She has some money. She orders a hamburguer as a little treat. She has failed saving money for the 11th time in a row.
Kanade is 23 now. Almost ten years have passed and nothing has changed. She has a roommate now. Sometimes it's worse than being alone. Honami gave her a list of things they need, mostly cleaning products. There's two pairs of shampoo and conditioner written, she scratches and puts one. Mafuyu sees this.
"Are you not going to buy a pair for yourself?"
"No. I have never seen the difference whether I use shampoo or soap. So I'll always go for the cheapest."
Mafuyu doesn't argue, she knows better than that after years of cohabitation. Kanade doesn't understand why she doesn't go back to her parents. She wouldn't have to help Kanade with groceries or rent, wouldn't have to deal with Kanade's depression up close. Kanade truly doesn't want for them to hate each other, this push and pull is reaching its peak.
"I'll go now."
"Let me get my shoes."
"No need. I can go alone."
Mafuyu opens her mouth but says nothing. She gets up and goes to her room. Kanade chooses her favorite song of this week and loops it.
She doesn't care.