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Ethan’s apartment was small and tidy and empty of anything personal. He preferred to keep his memories in his head, where no-one else could take them and use them. It wasn’t as if he spent much time there anyway. It was more a resting place between missions. It was a miracle he was there this time, really.
Absolutely a miracle. Because any other day that week when Benji knocked on his door, Ethan wouldn’t have been home, and Benji would have bled to death on his doorstep.
Ethan opened the door carefully when he heard the knock, gun close by, to find Benji standing there, coat wrapped around him, shaking.
‘Sorry, didn’t know where else to go,’ Benji said, and collapsed into Ethan’s arms.
Ethan got him into his apartment and onto the sofa, and that was when, in the light, he could see Benji’s clothes were soaked in blood.
‘Christ, what happened?’ he said, pulling Benji’s t-shirt up to see multiple stab wounds. ‘Benji, this is bad, I need to get you to hospital…’
‘No!’ Benji cried out. ‘Hospital is where this happened – it’s not safe – can you help me? Please? I’ve done it for you often enough – just this once…’
Benji’s voice started to fade, and Ethan started to feel blind panic rise in him. No. he couldn’t allow this to happen. Benji was right – this is what they did for each other – but Benji had never been so badly hurt before.
‘Stay awake, ok?’ Ethan called, as he ran to get the first aid box. ‘Just keep talking. Tell me what happened.’
‘Simple op,’ Benji said, panting as he tried to talk. Ethan knelt beside him and pulled the jacket and t-shirt off. ‘Just protection for an asset. Wasn’t even supposed to be there…’ he huffed a laugh and a gout of blood poured out of the wounds. Ethan swore. His hands were shaking. He could barely keep them still to examine the wounds. He’d done this for so many agents, had himself been patched up by Benji so many times, he could do this. He could save Benji. He had to save Benji. He couldn’t fail now.
‘Go on,’ Ethan said, as he cleaned the wounds. Benji didn’t even wince, he was so out of it.
‘Guarding an asset – had a problem with comms – went in to fix it – hospital staff – attacked us – got asset and agents out – I stayed as back-up...’
‘By yourself?’ Ethan demanded. Benji smiled wryly.
‘I’ve learned a few things working with you. Almost got away with it…’
Ethan shook his head. There’d be time to tell Benji off for risking his life like that later. Please god there’d be time. There was so much blood. And then he’d have some very harsh words to say to the agents who left him there.
‘Ok – ok, I get it,’ Ethan said. He could see the wounds clearly now. They’d need stitching. He swallowed dryly. ‘This may hurt.’
‘Worse than actually being stabbed?’ Benji responded. Ethan knew he was supposed to laugh at that. He never felt less like laughing in his life. This was Benji. Benji was supposed to be kept safe at all costs. He’d sell his soul to save Benji and now here he was, dying on his sofa.
‘Hey,’ Benji said softly. ‘I know. I do this for you all the time, ok?’
Ethan nodded and began to stitch.
This was what Benji went through, every time he had to treat Ethan? This horror, this panic? This desperation to stop the bleeding, the terror that this time it wouldn’t work, that he would die right here in his arms? Ethan had never thought of that. He’d only thought of Benji as a place of safety, someone he could run to no matter what, who would always fix him up and save him.
It had never occurred to him what that cost Benji.
‘I don’t think I thank you enough for all you do for me,’ Ethan said in a low voice.
‘You’ve died for me. You paid a terrorist $50 million for me. You never let me down,’ Benji said. His voice sounded so weak, and Ethan’s hand shook as he inserted the stitch. Benji winced. Ethan had never been hurt by Benji when doing this. Why couldn’t he be as good at this as Benji? His life was literally in Ethan’s hands right now, and all Ethan could do was hurt him. Ethan bit his lip so hard it bled.
‘Not nearly enough,’ Ethan said. It was done, and he placed a pad over the wounds, taping it up. Only then did he look at Benji’s face.
Benji was smiling at him. A soft, drained smile, but still a smile.
‘Knew you could do it,’ Benji said.
‘I don’t know how you do it,’ Ethan replied.
“Because you need me to do it,’ Benji said, his eyes closing. ‘I’ll do anything for you, Ethan, you know that, don’t you?’
‘Me too,’ Ethan said, but Benji’s eyes had closed. ‘I’d do anything for you too, Benji, do you understand that? Have I ever told you that?’
But Benji was fast asleep. Gently Ethan picked him up and carried him to the bed, to sleep while Ethan watched over him.