Chapter Text
“And you’re sure everyone is going to be fine with pizza?” she asked, raising an eyebrow in his direction. Yelie had planned to cook a fun, casual dinner, but then she’d caught COVID. She was feeling significantly better now, but her husband was insistent that she still take it easy on herself, refusing to allow her to cook for even him.
She had assumed he would want to cancel the get-together they’d planned for that evening. The people Rafael had worked with at SVU had a get-together once every few months. It was just a casual time to hang out and catch up with one another, and this time happened to be their turn to host. But instead of canceling, Rafael suggested they just do pizza with beer and wine. She hadn’t been a huge fan of his plan when he first suggested it, and she still wasn’t a huge fan now.
But he smiled at her sweetly as he finished setting up the kitchen table with plasticware. “I’m positive,” he told her. “Plus, everyone’s bringing a little something, so it’ll be fine. Fin’s on appetizers, Liv’s bringing a salad, and Carisi’s on dessert. We’re all good.” As he finished speaking, he leaned over the back of the couch, close to where she was seated, and kissed her.
When their lips separated, he realized she was looking at him with big eyes–the kind of eyes that said you’ve lost your mind a little here, dear. So he decided to brave it. “What’d I do wrong?”
“Nothing, nothing!” she told him quickly, then tried to paste a smile onto her face.
He smiled back. “Good.”
She kept smiling. “I just, um…generally when I invite people over, I don’t make them bring things to feed me, y’know?”
His smile turned into a smirk, and he rounded the corner to sit next to her. “Don’t worry, baby,” he cooed gently, holding her chin in his hand, “I made sure to tell them only to bring enough for the rest of us and not you. Bringing enough for you would be rude.”
He was already laughing when the couch pillow socked him in the face. “Rafael Barba!” She fought back her own laughter. “You’re a dick!”
“A big dick,” he agreed, as she pulled him over and on top of her. “The biggest.”
Nipping at his ear, she snickered, “You wish.”
He grinned widely. “We both do.”
*****
Tearing the lettuce into bite-size chunks, Liv allowed herself to get lost in the memories. It had been just over three years since Barba got married, and her life had changed immensely in that time. Rafael and Yelina had left the day after their wedding for a honeymoon in the Bahamas, and from what Liv had heard, it had been divine. She was incredibly grateful for Barba’s help prior to the wedding, but also grateful that he’d left when he did because the last thing she’d wanted was for him to know about the drama that occurred while he was gone.
Two days after the couple left–the same Monday they’d gone to court for the hearing regarding her long-term protective order–Elliot had shown up drunk, banging on her door and demanding she let him in. Fin was at the station, but Phoebe was there; she’d waved Liv to the back of the apartment, then went to the door and told Elliot to leave. “There’s a restraining order against you, Detective,” she told him, “and this is your one warning. After this, I won’t be as nice.”
Elliot had continued his tirade, insisting it was his right to see Olivia. She could hear his yelling grow louder when he entered the apartment. A bit panicked, she’d removed her service weapon from its locked case and slowly made her way back down the hallway toward the front room. As she peered around the wall separating the two spaces, she saw Elliot lying on the floor, bottom lip split and bleeding, and muttering to himself as he squirmed on his belly. He immediately reminded Liv of a wild alligator that had been pinned by its trainer, and biting back a laugh, she lowered her weapon. Phoebe was straddling his back, snapping on the cuffs and mirandizing him. Having heard Liv in the hallway, the petite brunette had huffed, “Call this in, will you?” Then she’d nodded at Liv’s gun and arched an eyebrow at the captain before asking, “And what the hell are you doing with that?”
Elliot spent fifteen days in jail for violation of a court order, and Fin and Phoebe sat Liv down for a serious talk about the meaning of “letting someone else handle it”.
Maybe they thought she would, but Olivia didn’t go back to him. She knew all the statistics, and worse, she knew what people were whispering about her. Still, she was determined she was going to be a survivor, one that forged her own way, one that would not let Elliot Stabler determine the course of her life. She started to attend therapy again and joined a support group for domestic violence survivors. A few months later, when Noah began to talk about what he’d seen while Elliot lived with them, she got him into therapy too. And she formed friendships, this time with women, who were also survivors and parents like her.
Her life became busy in a way it hadn’t before. She had friends who weren’t involved with the NYPD. She had things to talk about beyond repeat rapist statistics and COMSTAT reports. Surprisingly, Olivia found she had interests she’d not known about before, and promised herself that she would honor those interests. One of her favorites was small pot gardening of herbs and vegetables. Each season, she added to her herb garden in particular, and she spent time every weekend constructing elaborate butter and bread boards, salads, and sangrias with whatever was ripe in her garden. Often, the squad reaped the benefits of her labor in a new way, and they were vocal and appreciative cheerleaders.
Liv had found a similar soul in Aletha Cuevas, who owned the cafe that catered Rafael’s wedding, and also happened to be Yelina’s younger sister. After enjoying the charcuterie and sangria at the wedding, Liv had begun to visit the cafe more frequently for ideas, and was thrilled to learn that Allie also shared a passion, in particular, with growing her own herbs. Liv started to come by the cafe for a glass of wine after work, and Allie started to join her, taking a break from whatever she was busy with in the cafe when Liv dropped by.
Allie was sweet and funny. She was also a terrific listener, which was something Liv found she desperately needed. Over time, Liv realized her feelings for Allie were more romantic in nature, but she’d still been surprised when one evening, after the two had enjoyed a movie and a delicious dinner at Allie’s place, the other woman confessed the same.
Liv felt her eyes grow large in surprise. “Are you sure?” she asked. “It’s not just me?”
Allie’s eyes were large as well. “Not a chance,” Allie told her, biting her bottom lip. “Are you sure, Liv? I know you had feelings for your old partner Elliot–”
Liv hadn’t hesitated. She’d quickly leaned over and kissed the other woman. She knew that Aletha considered herself a lesbian, but still hadn’t imagined until that night that Allie could find her attractive. When they finally separated, Liv gently stroked Allie’s cheek. “I have something I need to tell you,” she explained softly. “I’m bisexual.”
“Yeah,” Allie had nodded with an endearing smile, “I figured out that part.”
Falling in love with Allie had been a beautiful experience. Noah had taken to Allie easily, and together, the Bensons had welcomed her into their home. Two years ago, Allie had moved in, and Liv had never looked back. Before Allie, she’d hidden a lot of herself from everyone. Now, everyone knew much more about Olivia Benson than ever before, and that included her sexual orientation.
Allie was bringing home the dressing for the salad tonight–it was something new they’d mixed up at the cafe. Smiling to herself, Liv finished adding the blueberries, then fastened the lid to the salad container. Tonight would be fun, of that she was sure.
*****
“Good, Jess!” Sonny praised his daughter as she evenly spread the custard over the bananas and wafers. “You’re doing a fantastic job.”
“Are we gonna have some of that for dessert too, Daddy?” Billie asked, shoving her blonde bangs out of her face. “It looks real good!”
“Yeah Daddy!” A third voice rang out from the table, and he glanced at his son, who was bouncing up and down in his seat. “I wanna have some ‘nana puddin’ now!”
“I’m makin’ another container for us, you people! Calm down!” Jesse scolded. Sonny patted her back gently.
“It’s okay, Jess. You’re doin’ great, sweetheart. I’ll take care of your brother and sister.” Turning around, Sonny gently bopped Billie on the nose. “Okay, Billie-boo, if you want a snack sit at the table. Otherwise, go finish your homework, because Auntie Gina’s gonna be here soon to pick up you rugrats.”
Billie huffed as she began to stomp her way to her room. “Man…” she griped, turning the corner, “why I always gotta finish my homework?”.
Crossing the kitchen and pulling out the goldfish, Sonny grabbed a napkin and poured some on it in front of Nicky. “There you go, bud. Hang on and I’ll getcha some water, okay?”
“Tan I have some co-cola?” the little boy asked.
Sonny chuckled. “Not a chance, bud.” They both turned to look as the front door opened and Amanda wrestled her way inside, along with a slew of groceries and her bag from work. “Hey, let me grab that for you, babe,” he said, hurrying to the door to help her. She smiled and handed him a couple of bags, and he smiled back, pressing a kiss to her lips.
“Hey Momma, look at what I helped Daddy make!” Jesse proclaimed as both adults carried bags into the kitchen. Sonny began to put away the groceries as Amanda took a look at the banana pudding in process.
“Ooh, Jesse! That looks delicious!” she told her oldest, then leaned over and kissed the girl on her temple. “You’re really turning into quite the cook!”
“An’...an’ I’m turnin’ into quite da eater!” she heard behind her, and spun around to kiss her youngest. Nicky was grinning as he happily munched on his goldfish.
“Where’s Billie?” she asked, just as she felt a tug on her belt.
“I’m right here!” the little girl said. “Daddy told me to go finish my homework but I don’t want to!”
Amanda gave her a tight hug. “I know…but Auntie Gina’s going to be here soon, and I know you’re gonna want to play with her, right?”
Huffing again, Billie rolled her eyes. “Fine!” she proclaimed, then stomped off to her room again.
Sonny crossed his arms and smirked, then stepped closer to his wife. “Speakin’ of tonight, does that kid ever remind you of Barba?” he asked.
His wife chuckled. “God put her in your life so you wouldn’t miss him as much,” she teased, then headed toward the bedroom to change her clothes.
Three years ago, Amanda hadn’t been sure she and Sonny were going to make it. He’d seemed so unhappy in their marriage, and she had been in love with him just enough to not be able to stand holding him hostage with wedding vows. So she’d done what she figured any loving wife would do–she’d sought counsel with the man she thought her husband was in love with.
Looking back, perhaps that was a mistake. More likely, her motivations were not as altruistic as she’d thought. Maybe she wanted some freedom from a man who didn’t love her fully, or maybe she wanted to see him fully commit. What ended up happening was she attended the wedding by herself and had a wonderful time, then came home to find Sonny’s bag packed at the door. “You wanted me to go, Amanda,” he told her, arms crossed. “Whether that’s back to Rafael or living by myself, I don’t see why it would matter to you. I just need to leave.”
They spent four months apart. Two months in, she called him and asked if he would consider marital counseling. “Whatever you want, Sonny…with your priest, or with a therapist, I don’t care. But we have to do something to move this in one direction or the other, know what I mean?”
He’d agreed, and thus began the biggest adventure of their lives. Their therapist, a handsome thirtysomething guy named Eric McGregor, seemed to know more about them and their marriage than they knew from day one. Most importantly, though, he taught them how to communicate effectively with one another, and explained why they’d struggled until now. Sonny had a desperate need to fix and to help the people he loved, and Amanda had a strong desire to be fiercely independent, even when she needed help. Together, they were destined to clash unless they learned how to lower their defenses and be more vulnerable with one another.
It also became clear very quickly that they’d thought of one another as buddies instead of lovers. It took time for Amanda to change that–to begin to appreciate Sonny as a sexy man as opposed to her best semi-straight guy friend who was super good with her girls. And it took time for Sonny to appreciate Amanda as a woman, to change his inner dialogue and allow himself to think of her sexually more often, instead of less. With regular work from their therapist, Amanda and Sonny found themselves sharing their experiences and their fantasies. Their desire for one another grew, and with practice, so did their ability to trust one another and to listen and respond. And finally, after he’d been living alone for four months, Sonny moved back home, to live with his wife and children.
The therapy didn’t stop then; it was just beginning, and it was something they still made a priority to this day. They both had made a point to stay away from Rafael until it felt safe and comfortable for both of them to be friends with him again. About a year ago, that time arrived. Both Sonny and Amanda felt comfortable with the idea of being friends with the Barbas, and they invited Rafael and Yelina out for dinner. That dinner went phenomenally well–so well that they continued to see the couple on a regular basis. Additionally, Sonny occasionally met Rafael for a beer, or Yelie and Amanda would meet for a glass of wine.
Amanda pulled on the jeans that Sonny loved the best on her, then found her high-heeled boots. He’d worked hard to get things ready for them to go to the Barbas tonight, and she knew he’d appreciate the effort she put into this outfit. The jeans hugged her ass perfectly, and after tossing off her blouse and bra, she dug through her drawer to pull out the red push-up bra he’d bought for her recently. He loved it when she modeled it for him, and she grinned at the thought.
“Well, well, well,” he mused, stepping into their bedroom a moment later. He closed the door behind him as she fastened the front clasp of the bra. “You’re looking awfully hot tonight, Mrs. Carisi.”
“You like it?” she asked, slowly spinning for him.
He hummed, then reached for the waist of her jeans and pulled her close. “Do we have to go to this thing tonight? I have some, uh…other ideas…”
She laughed softly as his hand slid up her side and cupped her breast. “Oh,” she sighed after a minute. “I think I like your ideas better. Except now we have all that banana pudding…”
He grinned at her. “I’m almost positive we could come up with other uses for it if we really try,” he told her, waggling his eyebrows.
“And Gina’s still taking the kids to her place?” she asked as he sucked on her earlobe.
“Mmhmm,” he assured her, his mouth moving down to her neck.
Amanda let out a soft moan. “I think I’ve just gotten a fever,” she murmured.
“Mmhmm,” he hummed again, before nipping at her jaw. “Toldja you were hot.”
*****
Their get-together was quieter without the Carisis, but fun nonetheless. Phoebe had brought a huge tray of wings in different flavors, and after everyone had a decent serving of salad, they all dug into those and the pizza. “Thank God Liv brought a salad,” Yelina sighed, helping herself to another wing. “At least I can lie to myself easier now and pretend I had a halfway healthy meal!”
“I hear you,” Phoebe agreed. “And Liv, don’t take offense, because any other night I’d be going back for more salad…but I’ve been fantasizing about these wings all day!”
Fin shot his girlfriend a look. “Hey, lady…keep your dirty mind away from my wings! I don’t wanna know you were thinkin’ perverted shit about ‘em before I even got a chance to eat any!”
They all laughed; Allie nearly choked on her bite of pizza as Phoebe returned, “Oh hon, we already know what you’d been planning to do with these things. I know exactly what you’re thinking every time you see a bit of leg!” Liv whacked her girlfriend on the back while Rafael snorted and got ranch dressing on his nose.
“It’s like lunch in kindergarten with you guys,” Yelie joked, helping Rafael to get the sauce out of his mustache.
As they finished up dinner, everyone helped to do a quick cleanup of the area. Then Allie brought out her version of “Never Have I Ever” that she’d made several years before, for a bachelorette party, and within minutes, they’d all dissolved into hysterical laughter.
“Okay, okay…Fin!” Allie directed. “It’s your turn! Pick a card from the deck.”
Paranoid about the game, Fin raised an eyebrow, then slowly pulled a card from the deck to read. He cleared his throat. “Never have I ever–” He stopped reading out loud, but his lips continued to form the words, and his brow furrowed. Then his eyebrows shot up, and he looked at Yelina. “Am I allowed to say this kinda shit in public?” he asked, which made everyone laugh before they even knew the statement.
“Let me see,” Phoebe said, taking the card from him and quickly scanning it. Her own eyebrows shot up, and then she cleared her throat. “Okay people! New rule,” she announced amidst their laughter. “Any cards containing the word perineum are void for purposes of this game with this group of people. Got it?”
They all burst into laughter again. “Now I kinda want to know what it said!” Rafael gasped between laughs.
“It’s okay,” Yelie told him, squeezing his arm. “Here, I’ll make one up for you. ‘Never have I ever touched someone else’s perineum.’”
Rafael and Allie slowly started reaching for their paddles. “Are we really answering this?” Liv asked, picking up her paddle.
“Oh like hell!” Fin exclaimed, looking at his paddle like it was contaminated.
Phoebe shook her head. “I love y’all, but not enough to answer a question like that. This is exactly why I suggested we play Uno or something!”
“Fine, fine,” Allie said, laughing. “Although I don’t really understand why everyone’s so uptight about it. It’s just a type of plant that comes back every year.”
An awkward silence descended upon the friends as the group exchanged looks with one another, until Yelie finally sat up and said, “Allie, what the hell are you talking about?”
“What?” her sister asked. “Perineum! You know, like gardenias or irises! The ones you don’t have to replant every year.” She nudged Liv. “You know what I mean, right?’
Liv’s lips twitched in humor, and she gently patted her girlfriend’s thigh. “I do, sweetie, but I think you mean perennial. They’re talking about a perineum, and that’s something completely different.”
Althea’s brow furrowed. “Perineum…perineum…”
Liv squeezed her knee. “Don’t worry about it, Al. I’ll explain it later.”
“Yeah,” Fin teased, “she’ll give you a personal tutorial!”
As everyone laughed, Liv jokingly pointed at her sergeant. “Hey, mister! Keep your mind out of my dirty love life!”
Allie suddenly slapped a hand over her face, and Liv knew she’d pieced it together. “Oh my God…I can’t believe I got that confused,” she groaned, and they all started to laugh again. Looking at Liv, she asked, “It’s a…um, personal part of the body, right? Geez.”
As they all chuckled, Liv smiled affectionately. “You got it, babe.”
“I was starting to wonder what kind of gardening you guys do at your house,” Rafael teased, and everyone laughed again.
“Well, you can’t blame me too much,” Allie replied. “It’s not like I have one…and being gay, I haven’t exactly encountered one either!” She pointed a finger at Fin. “And I hope somebody clarifies for you the fact that women don’t have one…”
The laughter grew even louder as Liv sighed. “So close, Allie. So close. We’ll have a lesson on word definitions when we get home.”
Phoebe snorted. “Better include anatomy in that, too.”
*****
Rafael was on his back, gasping for breath. Yelie was lying next to him, on her side, with one hand slowly stroking his chest hair. “Hey, thanks for that anatomy refresher,” she murmured, giving a gentle tug. “I always get perineum and prostate confused…”
He let out a soft snort. “I can only imagine how lost you’d be if someone tossed in perennial…”
Yelie laughed, then kissed his nipple. “I have so much fun with you. Did you know that?”
Rafael’s eyes were closed, but his mouth pulled into a lazy grin. “I believe it. I’m cool that way.”
“You’re a dork, but that’s beside the point,” she told him, then moved to kiss his other nipple, as he softly chuckled and stroked her hair. “I’ve never laughed in bed with anyone before. I’ve never had so much fun. I mean, orgasms are wonderful and you give me plenty of them, but you also make sure we have a good time while we get there. Know what I mean?”
He slowly opened his eyes, and her beautiful brown ones met his gaze. “I do,” he confirmed, guiding her lips to his. The kiss was soft and gentle, and when she pulled back, her eyes were sparkling. “Still glad you married me?” she whispered.
“Every single day,” he answered, pulling her down for another kiss.