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There is one hour left.
There is one hour left before the sixth episode of Total Drama Island Reboot was scheduled to air internationally.
It was a surreal moment to have your fate lie in the hands of a pre-designated air time. Okay, maybe it’s not as dramatic as Raj had just made it sound, everyone that mattered to him already knew; His parents, the snow owls, Wayne’s family, his dogs, Raj had come out to them already and it all went well, so he should have absolutely nothing to worry about!
…Except for some of his clearly homophobic extended family he hadn’t told yet, or his other friends at school, or his neighbors, or pretty much anyone else in his life.
Sure, some people knew he was dating, but it wasn’t as if Raj announced to everyone he had a boyfriend all the way in BC, all some of these people knew at most was that Raj has a partner that lives outside of Northern Alberta that he visits from time to time. It wasn’t any of their business, and Raj never bothered to clarify that his partner is, in fact, a man.
Plus, because of the NDA, Raj couldn’t actually reveal anything that happened on the show publicly, so even though he had gained some followings from being on the show, he and Bowie couldn’t be fully public yet— Not until the sixth episode aired, at least. He wanted to show Bowie off so badly, to post their photos together on MySelfieGram and not have to care anymore.
Now, an hour before the episode aired, Raj was sitting in Bowie’s apartment. Raj had traveled to Bowie’s place for the weekend for this exact purpose; to have some needed comfort while he watched the single most life-changing event that has happened to him in his entire life, all on a twenty minute episode of a reality show, packaged and ready for the whole world to see.
And sure, he could get comfort from his parents, or Wayne, or the rest of the Snow Owls, but being with Bowie felt more appropriate for this specific occasion, he guessed.
“Do you want something to eat?” Bowie asked casually, leaning on the back of the couch while Raj sat on it, knees to his chest as he anxiously clutched the blanket covering him.
“Oh— Nah, not really hungry. Thanks, though.” Truthfully, Raj was a little peckish, but his nerves got the better of him, and he answered a bit earlier than he would’ve liked. Raj turned his head back to face his boyfriend and smiled softly. Bowie took a pause and frowned, reaching over and combing back Raj’s bangs gently before walking off to the fridge.
The sound of Bowie moving stuff around was a little comforting as a backdrop to his thoughts. Raj reached over and grabbed his phone, opening up MySelfieGram and scrolling mindlessly in hopes of killing some time. Until he accidentally pressed into his drafts section.
In it were multiple posts he had prepared of him and Bowie. Some were just them together at home, some were properly taken from dates, some were even just silly stupid photos he liked. He couldn’t post it yet, but he wasn’t even sure if he wanted to. He wanted to be open about his relationship, of course he does! He just wasn’t sure he was ready.
He knew there was no delaying the show, so it’s not like it mattered.
Despite that, most of the photos were captioned and ready to go, and Raj couldn’t help but smile at each pocket of memories, getting distracted from such a weird situation with the warm feeling he gets from just remembering each moment with Bowie.
Luckily for them both, Bowie soon returned with a bowl of fresh, chilled strawberries and peeled tangerines, and a side of nutella and whipped cream.
Despite saying he wasn’t hungry, Raj immediately took a strawberry.
——
There are 45 minutes left.
“Are you sure you’re okay? I know you’ve been kinda stressing over this since yesterday.”
Bowie’s question caught Raj off-guard. Now, Raj and Bowie had already been dating for a few months, but he still found himself worried about what Bowie would think if Raj admitted the truth, even though he knew it was silly. Would Bowie think he’s uncool? Or a loser? Would Bowie still want to date him?
“Stressing? Pssh! ‘m not stressing! I’m totally cool!” Raj laughed the worry off. Bowie didn’t seem to believe him, which is not surprising at all, considering how perceptive Bowie was.
Still, Bowie decided to not push the topic too much, and instead moved to grab himself his phone. “Well, in the off chance that you are, I’m sure everything will be fine.” Bowie reassured, swinging one of his arms around Raj’s shoulder. “Remember what you told me, the people that matter already know, right?”
“Yeah, well, it’s not them I’m worried about.” The hockey player grumbled slightly, crossing his arms. “Some of my uncles and aunties still refer to me as ‘young lady’ even though I literally look like this—” Raj gestured to himself, or rather his body. “I think they’d have a heart attack if I told them I’m a guy and like to kiss guys.”
Bowie smiled apologetically, patting Raj’s shoulder. “But…at least your friends at school refer to you as a guy, so they’ll probably be supportive.”
Raj immediately bit his lips, cringing into himself. “Most of them don't know— I mean, the snow owls do since we still share locker rooms and they’ve seen my binders, but I’m not exactly open about it, and I’ll probably keep it like that. Alberta isn’t exactly the most accepting place, eh?”
“Oh…” Bowie deflated, glancing away. “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize you weren’t out that way too, I should’ve figured— Ah, I shouldn’t have mentioned it, Raj. I’m—”
“Whoa, whoa!” Raj stopped Bowie in his tracks with a grin. “Don’t worry about it. I never really told you it was a secret, and I told you way earlier than I would’ve told anyone else since yanno, we’re dating.”
Bowie smiled back at him, and the two fell into a moment of comfortable silence. At least, for a few seconds, before Raj became unable to resist a grin himself. “But uh, thanks for caring. It’s super sweet.”
“Of course! I’m literally your boyf—”
Bowie got cut off when Raj leaned over and pecked him on the cheek. The two stared at each other for a second, surprised. Raj’s face flushed red and he turned away quickly, purposely avoiding looking at Bowie’s probably smug face.
Raj was sure Bowie didn’t fully believe him, in fact, he probably knew exactly what was wrong and just didn’t want to make Raj feel uncomfortable. He felt guilty, but he didn’t want to ruin the mood with his bad thoughts about the ‘what if’s of it all. This was his stupid issue, one that there was no stopping anyway.
He still felt Bowie pulling him closer though, and Raj felt safe in their cocoon of blankets.
This was good enough for now.
——
There are 30 minutes left.
The dread is slowly setting in.
Raj had been telling himself that he was a big boy and he could handle it, and that ‘Noooo Raj, it’s just a clip of you figuring out your sexuality being broadcasted worldwide, leaving absolutely no room for secrets anymore!’ but that doesn’t sound very comforting, does it?
Raj curled into himself, leaning into Bowie’s side. The position was super comfortable (and warm), but it barely does anything to mend Raj’s increasing anxiety in comparison.
He almost felt silly. In retrospect, he knew what he signed up for the moment he and Wayne were accepted into the cast; He wasn’t that stupid, he knew they were going to be on TV and a portion of his life were going to be broadcasted sooner or later. Still, how was he supposed to know falling in love and kissing a man impulsively was going to be his season-defining moment!?
He could feel Bowie’s hand playing with his hair, combing through carefully. The calmness of each gentle tug would usually lull Raj to sleep easily, but there were so many thoughts going through his head that the touch was rendered an afterthought.
Of course, being the perfect awesome boyfriend he was, Bowie could sense his growing stress.
“We don’t have to watch it, if it stresses you out.” Bowie whispered and leaned in closer, a hand now caressing Raj’s head. Raj hummed, burying his face further into Bowie’s side, reigning in his nerves and seeking comfort from being so physically close. He could feel Bowie’s small silent laugh. “Is that a yes…?”
“No, No. I wanna watch it.” Raj sighed, pushing himself up and facing Bowie, though he had instinctively grabbed Bowie’s hands, feeling how the other boy squeezed him reassuringly, like he was coaxing Raj to tell him his worries with just actions alone. To his credit, it worked. Raj steadied his breath.
“It’s just scary. Everyone’s gonna know now, and I can’t stop thinking about how people are going to think of me.” He explained, eyes downcasted, staring at his and Bowie’s hands joint together. He tried his best to keep his composure, but the longer he talked, the more he felt himself cracking under the weight of his unorthodox situation. “I know it’s stupid, but what if people at school don’t want to talk to me anymore? O-or what if the rest of my family don’t want anything to do with my mom and dad anymore?”
“Then they’re not worth your time.” Bowie stated simply. The taller boy shifted to sit cross legged, scooting closer to Raj, letting go of his hand in favor of taking Raj’s cheek into them. Raj didn’t even realize he was tearing up until Bowie wiped them away.
“You’re kind, sweet, you care so much about everyone, you light up every room you walk into, you make my day better just by being here.” With each thing listed, Bowie spoiled Raj with the lightest of touch, running his thumbs over Raj’s cheeks. “You’re wonderful. If anyone thinks otherwise just because of who you are, then that’s on them.”
Though Bowie made sense, he always does, Raj still let himself sniffle. “I’m sorry…I shouldn’t be like this, I already came out.”
“Hey, hey, don’t be sorry. You’re valid in being stressed. This doesn’t exactly happen often; Even I didn’t have to deal with my sexuality being broadcasted, even if I’m pretty open already. I doubt many people did.” Bowie was running one of his hands through Raj’s hair now. “You’re stronger than you realize.”
Raj let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. It would be a lie to say he wasn’t still worried, he probably will be for a while, even after the episode ended and done with, but being with Bowie had let him feel better. He knew that no matter what happened, Bowie would be here, he had made that clear.
He felt safe.
Raj smiled, moving closer so his and Bowie’s forehead touched. He closed his eyes.
“I love you…”
“I love you too.”
Before Bowie could lean back, Raj reached out and grabbed his face, pressing their lips together in a light kiss. Bowie pushed his weight back into the kiss like clockwork.
It started as a short one once, then twice, then another drawn out one, until Bowie deepened the kiss easily, like Raj was pliant against his touch. Raj jolted at the cold sensation of Bowie’s tongue piercing pushing through his lips, stealing his breath right out of his lungs in a way that left Raj wanting more.
Though Bowie was assertive in each action, they never failed to be soft and caring. Each kiss and touch were loving in nature, melting Raj’s soul like candlelight to snow. He liked Bowie’s control, and that thought alone made his face flush and his body squirm.
The blonde ran his lithe fingers up Raj’s spine, until it latched onto the back of his hair and gently tugged at it, forcing his head to crane backwards. Raj tried to stifle the quiet whines as Bowie trailed kisses and light nibbles down Raj’s neck, but his thoughts were too clouded by the overwhelming desire for it to be effective. Not that Bowie seemed to mind.
Bowie slowly nudged Raj back against the couch, lowering his head onto one of the side pillows. He propped himself to tower over Raj’s shorter frame, with one of his hands sliding just under Raj’s shirt to hold his hips while the other rested next to Raj’s head, keeping him pinned down. Even with his mind feeling all fuzzy, Raj could feel blood rising to his face just as Bowie smirked. The taller boy leaned ever closer.
“Let me pamper you, cutie.” Bowie whispered his teasing remarks, tantalizingly brushing his lips against Raj’s ear. He sat up just as quickly, sitting in the space between Raj’s legs and massaged the skin on his thighs, sending shivers down Raj’s whole body.
A sly smirk decorated Bowie’s stupidly perfect features. “I’ll make all your stress melt away.”
Bowie winked, and Raj’s hand immediately flew up to hide his increasingly flustered face, much to the other’s utter delight.
——
The episode had finished airing.
Raj thought he was going to feel more intense emotions from watching the episode, but really, he was more so embarrassed when his jerk of a boyfriend kept teasing him with stuff like ‘awww look at you being nervous’ or ‘awww look at you, so glad to see me’ the entire time (No matter that they were a little distracted making out for like, the first half of the episode).
In reality, he probably needed the teasing, it distracted him from the reality that would’ve plagued him otherwise.
As the credits rolled, Bowie leaned against Raj, hugging his shoulder. “How are you feeling?” He asked, undoubtedly good-naturedly, but Raj couldn’t help but pout in his direction.
“Embarrassed, no thanks to you.”
Bowie snickered. “What, even after I just totally fried your brain not even an hour ago?”
Raj smacked him with a pillow, causing Bowie to laugh even harder as he just dodged the attack by the skin of his teeth. “Don’t pretend like you didn’t like it, you were practically— ACK!” …Then failed to dodge Raj’s next swing.
“That’s what you get!” Raj grinned. Bowie sat back up with a chuckle, combing through his curly hair in order to fix it. “Okay yeah, maybe I deserved that.”
“Yeah, you d—” Raj’s words were cut off when Bowie jabbed his fingers into Raj’s side, immediately causing the jock to squirm and jolt away from the shock that just wreck through his body. Bowie didn’t let him get away though, and instead continued the onslaught, grinning as Raj wriggled on the couch, laughing uncontrollably.
“STOP— AHAH, S–STOP IT!” Raj managed to stutter out between his wheezing laughter. Luckily, Bowie decided he had enough fun after a few moments and let Raj go, letting the shorter boy catch his breath. “That…That was unfair…” He wheezed, to which Bowie grinned.
“Never said it was.” Bowie stated, pressing a kiss to Raj’s cheek and standing up. “Anyway, I’ll go see what I have in the fridge real quick so we can cook up dinner— Or order, if we’re lazy.”
Raj nodded. “Okay Bowie!”
Once Bowie left him alone on the couch, Raj grabbed his phone from the coffee table, intending to maybe see what everyone’s thought on the episode was. Instead, he unlocked it to see that he was still on one of his drafts.
Raj thought about it for a moment, debating whether to post it or not, now that there was nothing stopping him. People knew, anyone that watched the episode would know by this point, at least. He was already getting messages, if the notifications were anything to go by…not that he was going to look at them right now.
Raj looked at the photo. It was a selfie of them, with Raj taking the photo. His back was right up against his chest and Bowie resting his head on top of his. It was domestic, with no filters or fancy editing, just the two hanging out at home with no one to judge them. He looked happy, they both did.
Raj was happy just looking at the picture, too.
He quickly tagged Bowie’s username in the photo and pressed into the captions. He thought a moment about what to say before finally deciding on one.
‘Proud to be us, no matter what <3’
Then, even with his nerves, he pressed post. He watched as the post finally went through, and notifications poured in. Raj immediately put down the phone before he allowed himself to dwell too much about public opinion, good or bad. Though Bowie was right that he’s perfectly valid to be terrified, Raj realized now that he didn’t have to go through it alone.
And so, he puts his worries on the back burner, comforted by the fact that no matter what happens, people will be there for him, and they can face it together.