Work Text:
Sero Hanta wasn’t one to have extreme reactions. He was usually pretty laid back, which was probably what made his classmates feel comfortable around him. He wasn’t big on loud parties outside of hanging out with Bakugou and the rest of their group. He brought the food and games, and did his best to keep their hangouts from getting out of control. He bought the most take-out of the class, probably stayed up the latest and was usually one of the last ones to wake up.
His usual expression was one of content nonchalance. A thin, slightly lopsided grin with his teeth showing just a tad. His eyes, which people seemed to like pointing out, made his expression look a bit more mellow, what with the way his eyes curved down, but the constant awareness and sheen to his eyes seemed to offset that enough.
Sero honestly considered himself one of the lucky ones. He didn’t have many experiences with villains compared to a large majority of the rest of his classmates. During the U.S.J incident, he was stuck with a group of his classmates fighting Kurogiri. Which, while terrifying in the moment, he later realized wasn’t as dangerous as what many of the others had gone through. He recognized that there had been potential for it to get dicey, but overall, he didn’t think he was as terrified as his friends that were stuck in small groups while fighting a large number of villains. The training camp wasn’t bad for him, either. Aizawa was there, and so was Vlad-King. It was absolutely chilling when the Dabi Double had shown up, but with two pro-heros there they weren’t in any real danger. Yeah, he felt helpless, lost, and terrified for his friends, but that couldn’t even compare to what Midoriya was likely feeling, or Bakugou, or Tsu, Uraraka, Jirou, Momo, Kendo, Tetsutetsu — really anyone who was out there during the attack definitely suffered more than he did.
Even during the time Bakugou was kidnapped, Sero recognized he had no right to impose his feelings on anyone else. Besides, he hadn’t really suffered at all, and he didn’t even go with the rescue team. He was emotionally intelligent and recognized that he had issues, but they weren’t a big deal. His trauma was small, compared to everyone else's. It was definitely trauma, but he could work around it. He was chilling. He could deal on his own, since it was so minor.
And he dealt pretty damn well, in his opinion. He journaled, cause that’s supposed to help, or something, and he meditated more often. He also did more yoga, which had the added benefit of improving his skills in combat. Who knew being more flexible would make maneuvering easier.
He should let Kaminari in on the totally newfound information. Maybe he’d listen for once.
Sero also became the group’s therapist of sorts. He didn’t mind it, not at all. He was glad his friends trusted him. It was mostly just Mina and Kaminari who would talk with him, although Kirishima also visited a few times to talk. Those conversations were a bit more lighthearted, though.
Sero recognized pretty easily that Mina preferred to ramble about her issues, and would usually answer her own problems or dilemmas. Unless she specifically asked for it, Sero didn’t interrupt. It seemed like she just wanted a person there to listen to her. Sero could do that.
Denki liked a back and forth. He’d complain about something, Sero would validate his complaints and help him find a solution to his problems if he wanted one.
Kirishima wanted a distraction. He’d come over and they’d play a few easy games, talk a bit of smack, banter until it was curfew and he’d walk away looking a little lighter than he was when he showed up.
Sero didn’t find his role difficult to fulfill. Like he said, he was thankful that his friends trusted him. Sometimes, though, when Mina was talking, or Denki was whining, or Kirishima was knocking, a twinge of annoyance would spring up before falling back. Sero would ignore it, obviously, and let them in. He’d take care of their issues, and when they left, a burst of relief would overcome him before being quickly stamped down again.
Sometimes, it was harder to ignore the feeling. Sometimes, he was forced to confront how he felt about his friends visiting.
He didn’t mind them visiting, not at all. The annoyance was temporary, and even if he let it run its course, it was gone after a few seconds. The problem wasn’t that. The problem was that he didn’t actually care. Or at least, that’s what it felt like. He felt as though he didn’t actually care about his friends’ problems. Sometimes, they’d show up in his room, and his mouth would be dry, and his mind would drift off as he lost focus, and when they’d tell him what was bothering him, he felt absolutely nothing. Certain things they would say could trigger it all of the sudden as well. He’d go from feeling sympathetic and trying to empathize and help them feel better, to feeling numb and bored.
It didn’t even scare him.
He was starting to feel numb more and more often, and he knew it should scare him, knew it should worry him. So he closed his eyes and focused until his heart beat quicker and his breaths came shorter. Right below the surface, he could feel that this stress was fake, that he was only simulating what anxiety and panic felt like. Sometimes he wondered if he should feel ashamed for mimicking the emotion. He wondered if his friends would think he was disgusting for mocking their feelings.
When Denki told him about his stupid ideas after Bakugou talked to them about how much he hated coffee, Sero told him it probably wasn’t a good idea. He mentioned that Bakugou would probably get super angry, and reasonably so. Denki had just told him that he’d already gone through with it when Bakugou broke through the door and launched something at Denki’s face.
But all things considered, Bakugou wasn’t too upset. He still made dinner that evening and agreed to help them study over the weekend. Sero decided he’d help out if asked. Denki seemed happier after the prank, and if it wasn’t too much for Bakugou, he supposed it was alright.
He never expected Denki to go so far as to tamper with Bakugou’s toothpaste. Bakugou was so rigid and inflexible with hygiene and cleanliness that Sero knew instantly that it would be a mistake. He did try to stop Denki, although his attempts were halfhearted. He knew it wouldn’t end well, but he truly didn’t care.
When Bakugou went on a thoughtless rampage in the dorms, even Todoroki looked shocked, and Sero couldn’t care less. Even when Bakugou exploded his way into his room, all Sero felt was mild annoyance. Until Bakugou aimed a blast at his face. Sero felt a sudden rush of adrenaline as he ducked out of the way of the blast. His hair was a little singed. The adrenaline was gone within seconds.
Bakugou left without further incident, but Sero couldn’t stop thinking about it. During Aizawa’s speech about respecting others and their belongings, during dinner, during that night’s Friday Movie Night, and while he stood in front of a mirror trimming his hair. He carefully snipped off the singed ends and did his best to even out his hair. He decided to ask for Momo or Uraraka’s help the next morning.
He kept thinking about the adrenaline rush. He felt something. He felt something real again.
He wanted to feel that rush again.
Sero was already good at pretending, if months of false emotions meant anything. It wasn’t hard to convince himself that the training exercises were real combat. He shut his eyes for a second and listened to the sounds around him. He listened to the explosions, the shouts, and the crumbling of rocks they fought on. He listened until his friends turned into villains when he opened his eyes.
The adrenaline would begin zipping through his veins, and that rush of emotions would accompany it. He’d feel fear, anxiety, anger, determination. After each fight, whether he won or lost, the adrenaline would linger for maybe half a minute. He’d relish in the feeling. He’d listen to each breath he huffed, tap out every beat of his heart. Relief would wash over him and he’d feel content, free, happy.
Then, it would all disappear, and he’d be left lonelier than ever. He began seeking out every opportunity he could for a good fight. Friendly matches turned brutal, and small arguments turned into suspensions.
Bakugou and Momo were talking more. Sero poked at that.
“Hanging out with the top student, Number Three?” He sneered, and he relished in the immediate response Bakugou gave him. He ducked away from fists that lit up brighter than fireworks, moving just enough to escape real harm but still staying close enough to feel the heat. He soaked in the rush of adrenaline and emotions until Aizawa was busting down the door with Mina and Tsu at his sides, one worried and nervous, the other digging nails into her palms.
Sero wasn’t surprised when Mina and Kirishima stopped talking to him. Hangouts weren’t in his room any longer. They were only in Mina or Denki’s room after that. Sero was rarely invited. The last time he was invited, he took a jab at Denki. He should have realized he wouldn’t get the response he wanted.
“Damn Denki, you keep chasing Jirou away.” Sero hummed when Jirou walked out as they began handing out controllers.
Denki frowned. “Huh?”
“She leaves every time we’re about to split into teams, why d’you think that is?”
Sero didn’t feel any adrenaline from Denki’s hurt stare. For a moment, he felt a flash of regret and shame. It was gone as soon as it arrived.
The room was silent for a few moments before Mina stood up from the bed and walked to the door. “Get out.” It was hard to breathe.
Sero tilted his head. Mina twisted open the door. “Get. Out.” She hissed.
Sero pushed. He pushed and pushed and pushed. He didn’t know when to stop anymore. He felt cold. His hands felt like pins and needles.
He was feeling.
“Why?”
Even Kirishima looked angry. Tears were beginning to appear in Mina’s eyes. Angry tears. “You keep antagonizing everyone, Hanta. I don’t know what’s wrong with you. Why’d you suddenly turn into whatever this is? What are you trying to accomplish?” She gestured to the door again. “We don’t want you here if you’re just going to make everyone upset. Even Bakugou doesn’t react to your shit anymore.” It was true, Bakugou was just sitting on the bed, not having moved a muscle throughout the conversation, although his eyes were far too sharp and pointed for Sero’s liking.
Huh. A preference.
Sero shrugged. “So?”
Mina was looking more and more enraged by the second. “Are you looking for a fight?” At this, Bakugou’s eyes moved from him to Mina. His hand twitched. Sero wondered if he’d start the fight if he continued pressing. Or maybe Mina would.
Sero shrugged again. Mina’s eyes flashed with a fury Sero hadn’t seen before. Not even Bakugou had ever looked so angry. Mina only managed to take a step before Bakugou stood up. Denki shuffled out of his way, Tsu stood, and Mina paused.
Bakugou’s gaze was back on him.
“Fix yourself. Ask these extras for help or don’t but get the hell out until you’re over this shit.” He said, voice almost too quiet. Sero didn’t move. It was a silent challenge, one Bakugou usually took. This time, all he did was point at the door. Sero was smart enough to realize it was over.
He walked out the door and didn’t look back.