Work Text:
His feelings were getting too strong for him to keep inside his head. Hinata grabbed a pen from his pocket and a piece of paper from his school notebook. He wrote and wrote and wrote.
—
Dear Kageyama Tobio,
September 27, 2014, at 8:36 p.m. Today I was watching volleyball compilations, and it made me realize that I like you. Not that I like playing with you on the volleyball team, but that I love talking to you to the point I get butterflies in my head (not my stomach, because that is weird). Every time I am talking to you, my head spins around. I specifically thought about you when I was watching the movie, because #1 you told me to get better at my receives and #2 I would do anything you tell me to do in general. OMG, at practice when we were in the club room and we were just talking, that is my favorite. When the two new first-year students asked if you would date a guy, I hope you said yes. It would confirm so much for me. Hopefully, one day, I will have the guts to tell you. XOXO.
-SHOUYOU H.
—
Dear Kageyama Tobio,
Hi God, it’s me again. It is October 28, 2014, and we are 3 months into our second year, and I still haven’t gotten the balls to ask you out. We have gotten closer, I think. November will be our month, I swear. When you asked me about my Facebook account, I made sure MLM stayed in my search history, so maybe you would see. The way you look when you laugh makes me smile. I love laughing at your not-so-fun jokes, but I like the way you smile after you think I think you are funny. Thank you for giving me a chance to get to know you. You probably didn’t know me before that match in our third year of middle school. You talk about volleyball so much that I wish I was a good volleyball player. “You wouldn’t mind liking me if I was a volleyball.” Haha, that is funny. That is what I think you think of me.
“Bags” - Clairo
-SHOUYOU H.
—
Dear Kageyama,
It’s Halloween. That means it is closer to your favorite holidays (Christmas and your birthday). I got sick yesterday, so I missed practice. I know you were probably disappointed in me, or maybe even mad. I am sorry. Because I am sick, I can’t go to the scrimmage against Johenjzi tomorrow. Yachi told me I should confess to you after the match, but you know how I am. And I can’t play this whole week. That is one of the only times we talk a lot, and it makes me feel understood. At least we get to hang out at the Tokyo training camp. I promise I’ll teach you how to play one of Kenma’s games. I got distracted and posted a volleyball clip on Facebook, and you liked it first and reposted it. I think I go insane when we talk. I may ask you out at the end of the training camp, so then I won’t have to see you for a week if you don’t want me back to give you space. But I think I’ll always like you. Hopefully, you like me too. <3
“Fool” - Frankie Cosmos
-SHOUYOU H.
—
Dear Yama,
It is Monday, November 20, 2014. I'm still in love with you. You ditched me at the training camp to practice with the first years. I forgive you. This might be a sadder letter, but I realized today that I will never get to love you like you deserve. I mean, we will never get to be together. The world thinks so negatively about gay relationships, and you know how I feel about how others perceive me. I can’t be open and show who I am. I am expected to do so much, but I can only do so much to keep myself safe. I can only show my true self to you and the other second-year students. You are like me in a sense. I am glad we became friends. Hopefully, you feel the same way, so our friendship doesn’t end at the end of high school. No one has ever made my volleyball-filled mind feel this way. One day we will graduate high school, and you’ll forget about me, but I won’t. You were such a huge part of my volleyball journey and truly taught me self-acceptance. Kageyama Tobio, you make me feel like a volleyball, spinning just for you. <3
-SHOUYOU H.
—
Dear Yama,
I have not written in almost a month. I am writing two letters today. The last one was kind of sad, so here is the happy one. Did you know that I have had a crush on you since that match in middle school? But you didn’t know me back then, did you? The notes remind me that everything I write will one day happen, so here is my life plan.
#1: Go to Brazil and play beach volleyball.
#2: Come back to Japan and start playing for the V League just to get back in touch with you if you end up forgetting me.
#3: Play for the Japan national team with you.
#4: Ask you out and date you.
#5: Win the Olympics with you.
#6: Marry you (when it becomes legal)
It seems like a plan to me. What if I give these letters to you at graduation, then disappear to Brazil? That would be funny. But I also want to date in my high school life, but I’m so in love with you. God bless me. Anyway, I am prohibited from practicing for one day for staying too late in the gym. Mwah. I love you, Yama. <3
“The King" - Conan Gray
-SHOUYOU H.
—
Dear Yama,
I am getting tired of the constant doctor visits. It is too much. They can't even diagnose me. I just miss practice once a week, just for them to not know what is wrong with me. It is pointless. Anyway, I hope I am not falling too far behind in school and at practice. I am going to ask you to help me catch up. You love any excuse to play volleyball, and getting to teach me gives you an excuse to yell at me. I know your weak spots, Yama. I love that about you.
-SHOUYOU H.
—
Dear Kageyama Tobio,
I haven’t written in a while (woah, ink change?). But it is because I have been accepting that you don’t like me. Tsukishima told me, and yes, it did break me, and I did cry. It is fine. This might be short, but thank you for making me know what love is like. I feel bad if we room together at Nationals. I may actually burst. Sorry if I took your kindness as an interest and if you are uncomfortable with me. I may never stop liking you, but I’d rather hurt myself than make you hate me. Always be by your side.
I will love you forever, maybe,
SHOUYOU HINATA
—
Dear Kageyama Tobio,
I finally got a diagnosis. It is arrhythmia. I’ll explain it to you since I know you definitely don’t know what that is. My heart doesn’t beat properly. It could stop at any second. My parents plan to save up for the surgery. I don’t want to tell anyone about it in case I get the surgery, and I can pretend like nothing happened. I don’t want to worry the team for no reason. It will just make everyone baby me more. I can’t deal with that. I was thinking recently about Brazil again. I want to live there by the beach and play volleyball. You would love it. It is a duo sport, and we are a duo. When I get better and we graduate, I want to take a trip to Brazil with you to see if we like it.
-SHOUYOU H.
—
Dear Tobio,
Today is your birthday and the first letter since the very sad ones. Whoops. I know I said I was getting over you, but how can I get over the boy who showed me how to love? Yes, I posted you on my Facebook page for your birthday. You know the one you took of me sleeping on your shoulder on the bus ride back from Nationals? Why do you always look so beautiful? We are definitely not rooming next year at Nationals, but we will still definitely hang out in our free time, won’t we? You always make me laugh. I might confess if I get high enough on whatever this feeling is that I feel for you. Yes, I sat in a different lunch spot today, yet you still came to find me to eat with me. Why? Still falling for you; not sure when I’ll land.
“Bags”- Clairo (yes again)
-SHOUYOU H.
—
There were no letters after that. They ended. And so did Hinata.
Kageyama held the letters in his hands. Wanting to rip them and crumble them was not the right choice. He knew this was all he had left of the boy he loved. The boy who loved him. The ones who were too late.
They would never play in the Olympics together. They would never get married. They would never even date. They would never even know how they felt about each other.
It had been a week since Hinata’s burial. Hinata’s mom asked Kageyama to give a speech. He placed an envelope with a letter at the end of his long rant about how much he loved Hinata.
—
Dear Sho,
You wrote me love letters that were pieces of literature to me, even though you sucked at writing class. Natsu gave them to me, and you told her where they were. I stayed up the whole night reading them, crying, and not fully comprehending that you were gone. It had only been two days since we hung out at the park and practiced your recieves. You are getting better; I just did not want to admit it. You looked beautiful in the sunset that day; you always did. I am not afraid to admit that I was a jerk for not noticing how you felt towards me. I just wish we had more time. I was planning on telling you eventually, but that's not what our lives planned. I’ll make you proud. I know that is what you would have wanted. I will also never forget you, my number 10. I will remember you. This is my letter from me to you.
-Tobio Yama.
—
The floors glared from the bright lights in the stadium. The crowds of people cheered after every name was called onto the court. He was at the 2016 Rio Olympics. He has lived in Rio since graduation. He only moved back to Japan to train with the national team. He was happy in Brazil, just like Hinata planned for them to be. He trained in Rio by the beaches. He was still with Kageyama.
“Number 10 on Japan’s national team, making his debut, Kageyama Tobio.”