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Heart

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When Liming arrived at Heart's house that evening, he was relieved to know that Heart’s parents weren’t home, seeing that their car wasn’t in the driveway. Pressing on the doorbell, he waited for Heart to come out. But as he waited and waited, realization hit him that perhaps Heart just couldn’t hear the sound of the doorbell, that’s why he didn’t come out.

Swallowing away his conscience, he climbed on the gate, and walked up to the front door. He twisted the door knob, and luckily the door was not locked. So he silently pushed the door open. He is glad that the door is unlocked, or else he most definitely couldn’t get in.

When he got inside, he saw no one in the living room, so he walked upstairs. He saw the door to Heart’s room was opened slightly, so he gently pushed the door open, and there he saw Heart sleeping on his bed. His broken arm was still in a sling, but luckily all of the other body parts look like it has healed a lot.

Liming walked towards Heart, and sat himself on the edge of Heart’s bed, admiring Heart’s sleeping face. He missed the boy so much. It has been two months since he saw him in that hospital room. It has been over a month for him to go to school without Heart bothering him. And he never expected he would miss Heart’s annoying antics so much.

Liming runs his fingers through Heart’s fluffy locks. He really missed Heart a lot.

After a while, Heart’s eyes slowly flutter open. Liming watched as Heart’s face contorted in pure confusion, before he was mouthing something. There was no coherent sound, only a small sound was heard. But Liming knew Heart was mouthing his name.

“Heart, I missed you.” Liming said, making sure to pronounce each syllable clearly so that Heart can read his lips.

Tears ran down Heart’s face, as he pulled Liming down with his other arm, hugging the other boy tightly. Heart was sobbing really loudly, burying his face in the crook of Liming’s neck as he cried his heart out.

When the two of them had calmed down. Liming decided that it’s time for the two of them to talk.

So Liming brought his phone, and typed in the words that he had been bottling for so long ever since that day he came to Heart’s room to visit him.

‘Your mom said I was the one who got you involved in that gang attack.’ Liming typed. He shows Heart his screen.

Heart’s eyes went wide the moment he read the text Liming wrote. So he took Liming’s phone and typed in his response below.

‘So that’s whst happoened! Shr never trll me why i csnt meet you. Turnd out it’s just a whole misundrrstanding.’ Heart was clearly struggling typing with only one hand, a lot of notable typos, but as long as Liming could read it.

Then Heart actually explained to Liming what actually happened. Turns out, the guy who had a beef with Heart is in a gang. His pettiness with Heart doesn’t simply end with the beat up after the race. When Heart turned down the rematch, he even got his gang to beat him up for making his stupid pride feel so shitty.

Luckily, Ou had already got that taken off when Heart got discharged, so the gang was already punished for what they had done. But of course, Heart’s parents still don’t know about the full story. So Heart’s mom still insists on Liming being a bad influence to Heart, and still forbade him from seeing Liming. Heart tried to go out and see Liming before, but his current state has really made the world outside so foreign and scary to him. So he just found himself holed up in the house for the past few weeks. He was praying day and night for Liming to come to him. Looks like his prayer has finally been heard.

‘I’ll tell my mom that you did nothing wrong, Liming. All of this happened because of me, and you just unfortunately got dragged along. I’m glad that you’re fine.’ Heart typed, finally getting a hang of writing with one hand.

‘Also, I actually got a new phone. So we should exchange our numbers, it’ll be easier for me to talk to you.’ Heart typed. Liming nodded.

As they exchanged their phone numbers, Liming heard the sound of the door downstairs being opened and closed.

Heart’s parents. They must have come back home already.

‘I think your parents just got home now.’ Liming typed. Once Heart saw the message, he immediately grabbed Liming’s hand. Holding it so tight as if Liming will disappear the moment he lets go. Liming, who noticed how worried Heart looked, immediately comforted the other boy, placing another hand on top of Heart.

‘I’m staying.’ Liming mouthed. And instantly, relief washes over Heart’s face.

‘I will talk to my parents, please don’t go.’ Heart typed. Liming shook his head.

‘I’ll help you, Heart. It must be heard for you to communicate with your parents, I’ll join you.’ Liming replied.

With their hands intertwined, the two got off Heart’s bed, and walked downstairs together. When they walked into the living room, Liming saw his parents sitting on the couch, seemingly tired from work. He feels a little bad, but he knows that this is the only time they can talk this out, to clear up the misunderstanding. He doesn’t want to be perceived as a threat to this family anymore. He simply just wanted to be Heart’s friend.

“Heart. You rarely go downstairs.” His mom was surprised to see his son walk up to them. But what surprised her even more was when she noticed Liming behind him.

“I told you that I don’t want to see you ever again! What are you doing here?!” The woman yelled the moment she saw Liming. She’s now standing. She was ready to drag Liming out, but Heart stood in between them, shielding Liming from being touched by his mom.

“I’m sorry, mae. But you have to listen to Heart. There were misunderstandings, and I wished to clear that up.” Liming said, holding on Heart’s hand tighter. But as Heart had to type in his words, he had to let go eventually.

‘Liming didn’t do anything wrong. I joined an illegal race and won the race. The kid who lost was jealous of me and asked for a rematch. But I refused, so he sent his gang to mess with me and Liming. It was all because of me, not Liming.’ Heart tried his best to type as fast as he could to soothe the tight tension in between them. His mom looked like she was in a complete aghast, finding out that her son had been doing those kinds of things behind her back. She thought she knew her son well, but it turned out she was completely wrong.

“But the liquor! Liming tried to steal it and put the blame on you!” His mom still tried to prove that Liming is bad, there’s no way she could be wrong all of this time.

Heart couldn’t make out every word his mom said, but he saw she mouthed something about liquor and Liming. And deducing those two together, he had a guess that she must definitely be talking about that incident from last year. Again, Liming was never at fault. It was Heart who dropped that liquor.

‘That was me too. I was trying to steal dad’s liquor that day, but Liming was just happened to be there that day, so I put the blame on him.’ Heart typed. Once again, Heart’s mom was filled with horror and disbelief. A hand immediately covered her mouth, tears spilling her eyes as she was filled in with this revelation.

She has always thought Heart might be bad at academics, but he was never a bad child. But now knowing that Heart had been doing all of these things behind her and her husband’s backs, she’s just not so sure anymore. What if they were the reason Heart turned like this?

“So what now?! You’re disabled now, Heart! We turned a blind eye on you, because we thought you should be fine as long as you’re not getting into trouble. But now, your future is completely shattered, you have turned completely useless!” She was screaming now. Heart, who couldn’t read her lips well as she was speaking too fast, couldn't really give out a response, but Liming, who could hear every syllable and word perfectly, was immediately shrouded with anger.

Taking a step forward so that he’s no longer hiding behind Heart’s back, he faced Heart’s mom head on.

“This is your son you’re talking about! Useless?! Do you think he is some object you can use?! Heart is a human too, mae! Be it before he was deaf, or now, he’s still a human! He deserves some respect too, especially from his own parents!”

“Heart might not be good at studying but he really tried and he really wanted to see that you guys actually care about him!” Without realizing, Liming had already yelled extremely loudly. His face is so red right now, veins popping on the side of his neck as he still tried to hold himself from doing anything physical out of anger. His balled up first were even trembling uncontrollably.

More tears were wetting Heart’s mom’s face. She’s turned into a total mess now.

“...I feel so lost. Heart was only bad at academics before, so we thought he could manage when he grew up later. But now, he has turned deaf and dumb, we don’t know how to help him anymore. The world isn’t made for the disabled, the outside world will be so much harder for him now.” Heart’s mom is a crying mess. Liming felt his anger die down a little.

So his parents do care about him. They just don’t know how to show it, nor how to communicate. Which resulted in this heavy mess of misunderstandings and sorrows.

Of course, Heart was at fault too for getting himself involved with dangerous things. But Heart is always stupid, there’s no denying it. Things had already happened, and they should just let it be water under the bridge now. They should move forward, and learn from their mistakes, and never let the same things happen again.

“There’s still hope, mae. Do you know how modern the world has become now? I’ve done my research for people like Heart, and there’s actually a lot of support groups that he can join. There’s a lot of study courses that Heart can join to help with his future career too.” Liming said, holding on Heart’s mom’s trembling shoulder to comfort her.

“Thank you, thank you, Liming. We really have misunderstood you all this time. I’m so sorry, and please always be a good friend to Heart.” Mrs.Jintana really looks and sounds apologetic, so Liming no longer felt the need to stay angry.

He then turned around to look at Heart, who was still as confused as before. He tried to follow their conversations, but of course, as the two were speaking verbally to each other, Heart could only follow so much before he gave up entirely and left in that state of pure confusion and wonder.

‘Your mom apologized for everything. And we will help you, Heart.’ Liming typed.

Heart looked up from his screen and looked at Liming’s face with a look full of gladness and relief.

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‘Studying sign language is so hard.’ Heart typed. Liming then chuckled.

Recent doctor’s visit concluded that Heart doesn't have to wear a sling for his broken arm anymore. But the doctor still told him to be careful, and he shouldn’t lift heavy things or strain his arm too much. With that good news, Heart finally can properly learn sign language, and he also can type on his phone with two hands again.

‘You can do it, Heart. What if we don’t have the means to communicate without phones or papers? This is the only way we can talk to each other if so.’ Liming tried his best to convince Heart to keep on learning. This is the best for Heart, he shouldn’t let Heart give up on something that could really help him.

‘...You’re right. I wanna talk to you. I miss listening to your voice.’ Heart typed. And Liming felt a pang against his heart. It’s painful that he couldn’t really do anything about that.

“Heart…” Liming called out softly. The boy then smiled upon seeing his name mouthed on Liming’s lips.

The doctor told them that it might not be impossible for Heart to hear again. But the chance is really low as Heart’s hearing was damaged badly from when he was beaten up that night. Even his larynx was injured badly too, resulting in his vocal cord being paralyzed. The doctor said it is possible for him to speak again, but it will take months to actually recover. For now, Heart still struggles to speak, his voice can barely be heard, and his throat hurts too when he tries to make out even a single sound.

And since Heart couldn’t even listen to his own voice, the boy felt that it’s utterly useless for him to even speak. He doesn’t even know what he sounds like. But of course, Liming talked to him about it. That he should undergo voice therapy so that he can speak again. At first Heart was stubborn, but when Liming told him that he wanted to hear Heart call his name again, and he wanted Heart to be able to help himself when needed. Heart eventually gave in, and attended voice therapy sessions every week. The progress is slow, but it’s better than nothing.

“Li…Ming.” Heart tried to utter out. Liming smiled at the word, ruffling Heart’s hair proudly.

“There, you can do it.” Liming signs as he speaks. Heart then copied the signs, signing,

‘I can do it.’ Heart smiled again.

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“Heart! I told you that you can’t copy my answers!” Liming said the moment he saw Heart have his workbook with him.

‘But hard… I think I understand if I copy yours and learn from yours.’ Heart signed, even though imperfectly, Liming could still understand him.

Liming understands that Heart means that he could understand better if he actually looks at Liming’s calculations and answers. But of course, Liming still couldn’t let Heart do that, because first, the answers might not be correct, and second, he doesn’t think Heart will properly learn to do it by himself that way.

“Heart, just let me teach you, alright?” Liming signed, speaking along.

Heart nodded, before he scooted a little, letting Liming sit beside him to teach him. Since Heart is deaf now, he could no longer attend his old school, so he has to be home tutored. Of course, his parents hired a tutor, but the tutor only comes three days a week to teach Heart, for the rest of the week, Heart will be on his own, and Liming decided to accompany Heart and help him do his homework even though he knew he couldn’t help much.

But he loves hanging out with Heart, and he believes Heart shares the same idea too. So he always found himself coming by Heart’s house everyday after school, and on weekends too. Since Heart’s parents had already compensated Uncle Jim’s for the troubles their son has caused, now Liming has more time for himself to spend on Heart.

Liming was writing on his workbook, when he felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned his face to look at Heart.

‘Weekend, free?’ Heart signed. Liming nodded.

‘New year’s countdown, with me. Do you want?’ Heart continued to sign.

Liming nodded again, smiling now.

‘Of course I want to hang out with you, Heart.’ Liming signed. Heart is smiling too now, before he scooted closer to Liming and rested his head on Liming’s shoulder.

Heart’s really adorable.

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Heart’s parents are not home that weekend, so they have the house for them alone. Liming asked Heart if they should invite Phi Ou to celebrate with them too, but Heart told him that Phi Ou is spending his new year with his boyfriend. With the amount of time he spent with Heart, Liming was surprised to find out that the weird guy actually has a boyfriend. But he’s not in the place to judge, also he really wanted to thank that guy for helping Heart out with the gang incident. Ou was also the one who helped them that night, and called the ambulance for them. He was thankful, really.

But ever since Heart was kept in the house, with his mom being strict about letting a stranger inside, Ou was of course forbidden from visiting the house. It doesn’t help with Ou’s delinquent appearance too, but Ou just gave in to Heart’s mom’s wish of not seeing him, since he has to admit that he was indeed a bad influence to Heart. He was the one who introduced the race track to Heart, he would be too shameless to act like he wasn’t at fault when he clearly is.

Also, they still talked to each other sometime on Line, so Heart didn’t feel like his friendship with Ou was severed completely. He never had any ill feelings for Ou, neither Ou towards him. It’s just the situation they’re in that makes it a little difficult for them to continue their friendship like before.

‘The count down is starting!’ Heart signed excitedly the moment the countdown popped on the tv screen.

Liming quickly put down the bowl of chips on the table, before he settled himself beside Heart. Excitedly holding on Heart’s hand.

As they hold hands, the countdown continues to proceed, and as it hits zero, flashes of fireworks fill up the screen, colors after colors popping, fueling the two boys’ excitement.

“Happy new year, Heart!” Liming said, turning to Heart with a big smile on his face. Heart is smiling so widely too, his teeth are showing.

“I…love…you…” Heart said, and Liming couldn’t believe his ears. Did Heart really tell him he loves him?

“I love you too, Heart.” Liming said, he truly loves Heart as his friend.

Heart smiled upon reading words on his lips. He held Liming's hand tighter, and rested his head on Liming’s shoulder.

“I…love…you…” He mutters again.

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“Heart! I found something!” Liming was running the moment he got to Heart’s house, crashing into Heart’s room as he gave out a piece of paper to Heart excitedly.

Heart was baffled at first, but he accepted the paper and took his time to actually read whatever it’s written on that piece of paper Liming just gave him. And after a while, his eyes brighten slightly.

“There’s this course in America where I can earn money as I learn. The course is mainly technical too, so it’s perfect for someone stupid like me!” Liming said excitedly while signing. Heart reciprocates that excitement, holding on Liming’s hand, watching his friend bouncing his body in pure joy.

“The same institute also offers a course for those with hearing-impairment. We can attend the same university Heart!” Liming continued, and when he saw that Heart was just as excited as him. The two went in for a big hug, of excitement and happiness, as they are happy to spend their future together.

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After that happy news, they’re now lying on Heart’s bed, cuddling in comforting silence. Liming doesn’t mind it to be honest, but he wonders if Heart ever feels bored. Liming has been noticing that Heart never goes out after that incident took place. He’s always cooped up in this house, especially in his room. At first, Liming didn’t really pay attention to it, but now, he feels like this might not be healthy for Heart. He needed to go out sometimes.

“Heart… Aren’t you bored?” Liming decided to ask. It’s a weekend but both of them are holed up in Heart’s room.

Heart shook his head.

‘As long as there’s Liming.’ Heart signed. Liming smiled, he loved that answer, but he knew that he shouldn’t let Heart stay like this any longer. It’s not good for him.

“Wanna go outside?” Liming asked, playing with Heart’s hair.

‘Outside is scary…’ Heart answered. Liming frowned slightly.

Perhaps it is. Imagine if he was in Heart’s place, the world will be scary to him too if he’s all of a sudden turned deaf overnight. But again, Heart shouldn’t be cooped up like this. He needed to engage with the outside world so that he could continue to feel alive. Of course Liming will always be there for him, but he doesn’t want Heart to be solely dependent on him, that he couldn’t function without Liming around. Heart needed to stand again.

“I’ll be with you, Heart. It’ll not be as scary, I promise.” Liming signed, caressing Heart’s cheek gently. Heart closed his eyes, melting under Liming’s gentle touch. He snuggled against Liming’s palm, before he opened his eyes again and nodded slowly.

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As expected, Heart looked so lost the moment they stepped out of the house. When they walked alongside the road, and vehicles after vehicles ran past them, Heart kept jumping around as he was surprised to see things zooming to his way but he couldn’t hear a thing as a warning.

To comfort him, Liming made sure to hold on Heart’s hand, and walk on the outer side of the road so that Heart will be safe next to him. Heart was also clinging to his side, nervous with whatever that would jump him.

When they got to the mall, Heart was pressed up against him even closer. Technically hugging his arm as they walked through the crowd of people in the mall. It’s the weekend, of course it’s flooded with people. But Liming tried his best to calm Heart down, and brought them to the movie theater since he knows Heart loves watching movies a lot.

Luckily, the movie they chose has a subtitle, so it’s easy for Heart to follow along with the movie. And when they finished the movie, Heart seemed so happy. So happy and excited that he couldn’t stop talking about his favorite scenes from the movie.

Now even when they have already reached the cafe, and are planning to get some boba drinks before they go home, Heart was still excitedly talking about the movie.

Until a waitress attended to their table, Liming had to put Heart’s happy talk on hold.

“Alright, two buble teas. Do you want to use the couple coupon? It’ll be 50% for the entire order.” The waitress said. Liming then shook his head.

“We’re not a couple, it’s fine.” Liming answered. And the waitress looked a bit guilty, pursing her lips as she felt like she just made a grave mistake.

“Ah… Sorry for misunderstanding. I thought you two were going out. I’ll get your order ready.” The waitress apologized. Liming shook his head again.

“It’s fine. We’re friends.” Liming said, looking at Heart slightly. But the smile that was there on Heart’s face was immediately reduced into a thin line, as if Liming had just said something to offend him.

The waitress then walked away.

“Anything wrong?” Liming asked, signing.

‘You told her we’re not a couple.’ Heart signed.

‘Because we’re friends…?’ Liming signed, confusedly.

But just as he was expecting Heart to reply, Heart immediately stood up from his seat. Before Liming could process anything, the boy already walked off. His steps were so quick, so heavy. Liming hurriedly tried to catch up to him but it’s really hard with the crowd that’s crowding everywhere in the mall, left and right.

But luckily, Liming eventually managed to catch after Heart and immediately held onto his arm before he can get away again.

The thing is, when Heart turned around, and he could finally see his face, Liming was surprised to see that Heart was actually crying. And upon that realization, his heart immediately twisted in tremendous pain. Is he the reason for those tears? But why? What did he do wrong?

“Why are you crying?” Liming had to speak, as he was afraid that Heart might try to get away again, if he let go of Heart’s arm now.

But Heart violently shook his arm off.

‘I feel so stupid. So wishful.’ Heart paused,

‘You were simply trying to be a good friend, and I was deluding myself thinking that you actually meant something more. I mean… Who would want someone deaf as a partner anyway?’

‘I realized now that I'm really shameless. You were nothing but good to me, but I always inconvenience you, trouble you. I really shouldn’t have thought that you were into me like I did towards you, when you were simply being nice.’

“Fuck.”

Heart cursed beneath his breath,

‘I’m sorry, Liming. I need to cool my mind off.’ Heart signed again, before he turned around and tried to walk again.

Liming quickly ran towards Heart, followed by a heavy smack across the boy’s head, as hard as he could. With that, Heart immediately winced out in pain, rubbing on the spot Liming had just hit. He looked at Liming with hurtful eyes, somehow offended that he just got smacked like that out of nowhere.

“At least let me talk, dumbass!!” Liming yelled, even though he was signing, he couldn’t contain his anger that he had to yell too.

“I do like you more than a friend. But you never asked me out. And the fact that our friendship started because you wanted me to be your friend, how am I in the place to ask you out, when your words back then made it seem like you only want to see me as a friend?” Liming is so worked up right now, he could feel his blood pumping, chest rising up and down as he tried to control his anger.

Sure, he can just clear up the misunderstanding they had between them regarding their feelings. But what actually made Liming angry was when Heart just talked so condescendingly of himself, as if Liming was just doing some charity work with him and isn’t doing all of this because he wanted to.

Liming chose to be with Heart because he likes Heart. Whether as a friend or something more, he loves Heart dearly. And he would never think of abandoning Heart even the slightest. Heart is a part of his future now, he shared his dream with Heart, and he couldn’t imagine his future without Heart anymore. Even the mere thoughts of no Heart beside him hurt, so he badly wouldn’t want that to happen.

“I’m doing this because I wanted to, Heart. I’m talking to you, hanging out with you, because I genuinely like you. I’m not doing this just to be nice, I really enjoy the time we hang out together, Heart. And I really couldn’t imagine my future without you anymore. Hell, I can’t even imagine myself with someone else other than you, Heart. I love you. I really do.”

“And don't talk bad about yourself anymore or I’ll smack your head again.”

Heart instinctively covered his head the moment Liming raised a hand to threaten to hit him again if he was talking shit about himself again. Heart was taking his time, slowly putting down his arms from covering his head, before he looked at Liming in the eyes.

“You… really… love… me?” Heart spoke, his voice came out soft, a little bit hoarse and croaky. But Liming heard him clearly. He nodded.

“I love you, Heart.” Liming repeated his words, signing too, so that it’s clear to Heart that he actually shares the same feelings as him.

‘As a boyfriend?’ Heart signed. Liming chuckled before he nodded amusingly.

“As a boyfriend.” Liming confirmed, signing the words. Instantly, Heart’s face lit up, before he stepped forward and pulled Liming into a tight hug. His arms wrapped around Liming, as he buried his face at the side of Liming’s neck, taking in Liming’s comforting scent that he has always loved dearly.

They are now gently rocking side to side, Heart still melting in Liming’s warm embrace. He loves Liming’s hug so much, it’s always full of warmth and comfort. Whenever he hugged the other boy, it always cleared out the weariness he had in his heart. Liming is magical, a magic in Heart’s life.

Heart was invested into the hug, Liming was just as invested, melting into Heart’s chest, as he had his arms wrapped around Heart’s waist.

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