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"Marry me," Jin Xiaobao says, stepping around his father's hand, ignoring his wheeze of despair---he'll apologize later, and his mother is right beside him, already comforting him---and anyway, a chance to marry a Fairy only comes around once in a life-time, if that. Jin Xiaobao can't squander this opportunity! So he takes several steps closer, Jinbao and Zhaocai tossing themselves in the guards' way so he can reach the prettiest person he's ever seen, and he stares at them with wide, glittering eyes, nearly bouncing with excitement. "Marry me," he repeats, and the sounds of swords being drawn surrounds him. He doesn't allow this to discourage him. The Fairy hasn't rejected him yet!
Eyebrows drawing softly together, lips parting in a confused expression, the Fairy says, "Are you serious?"
"Of course!" Jin Xiaobao straightens his back and puts on his most serious expression, brows drawing together and pressing his lips taut. He stares at the Fairy and he takes one more, tiny, step closer, gazing up into the Fairy's eyes. They---woman, was his first reaction, naturally, but the deep voice has made him unsure---gaze back down at him with dark eyes, clothes resplendent, and really, he shouldn't be surprised that he's found the most beautiful person in the Emperor's palace. At least they must not be married already, he thinks; the Emperor has no wives, no concubines, no consorts, and no Empress. So the Fairy must be a relative to somebody, he thinks. Then his brows draw together even harsher---if Su Yin knows this Fairy and never introduced them, Jin Xiaobao won't talk to him for a week. No, a month.
The Fairy is still gazing at him with deep, dark eyes, studying him so intently that Xiaobao nearly blushes. He clears his throat, and twiddles his fingers, and his gaze dips for a moment before he raises it again, instantly swallowed by the depth of the Fairy's eyes, and he declares, "I, Jin Xiaobao, would never lie about something like this."
"Shaoye," Jinbao calls in the middle of his battle to keep the guards away from them, "You're so cool!" The Fairy really must be somebody important, with how hard they're working but hah, no force on this earth is a match for the Jin. He preens, and the Fairy finally waves a hand; instantly, all the fighting ceases entirely, and then the only sound if Xiaobao's father's loud wheezing.
Jin Xiaobao glances back, quickly making sure his father is okay, but it doesn't looks more like anger than the sickness, and so he exhales in relief. Then he remembers that his father's anger isn't something to be relieved about, and he tenses a little, surreptitiously stepping aside and out of his direct field of sight. The Fairy's eyes follow him, still, and Xiaobao chooses to take this as a good sign. He smiles at them, and he claps his hands before him, blinking at the Fairy with wide eyes. "So will you marry me?" he asks again, bouncing a little on his toes, grinning when the Fairy rolls their eyes a little.
"Ask me again tomorrow," the Fairy says, and with another wave of their hands the guards assemble around them, and the Fairy gazes down at Jin Xiaobao with imperious style, oozing so much authority that Xiaobao can't help freezing, feeling a bit like he's about to be eaten by a bear. Finally, the Fairy turns without another word and walks away, followed by the whole slew of guards, many of them who glare at Jin Xiaobao on the way out.
"You scoundrel!" Jin Xiaobao's father yells at soon as they're in their guestrooms, having wheezed in anger the whole way there, only Xiaobao's mother managing to keep him from attacking Xiaobao in the middle of the hall. Jin Xiaobao sits quietly and endures, his face heated and pouting, and he doesn't say anything even as his father waves and paces and yells, "The Emperor! The Emperor! On your first meeting! The Emperor!" and frankly this seems blatantly unfair.
"The Emperor isn't married to anyone," Xiaobao points, upon the cusp of adding, so the Fairy is probably not married if they were walking around with so many guards and no handmaidens.
But his blusters and points at him, declaring, "You've doomed us all, you scoundrel!" Jin Xiaobao sinks into his seat with his arms crossed, and at least Xiaoyu is willing to pat him on his back. His father continues, nowhere near done when he gets going, "How could say that-? The Emperor! The Emperor! Xiaobao, have you no propriety?! You've ruined us! We're ruined!"
"Laoye," Xiaobao's mother calls, helping his father when he stumbles. "I'm sure it's not that bad. The Emperor didn't seem... well, he didn't seem-"
"Mother," Xiaobao calls, standing and helping to support his father when the wheezing gets worse. "Why do you keep talking about the Emperor? The Fairy-"
"Fairy!" His father pushes him away, and Xiaobao stumbles. Pointing at him, red in the face, his father yells, "You dare call the Emperor a Fairy?! You seek death! You want to ruin us all! Ungrateful son!" And he waves and nearly falls, so Xiaobao hurries to catch him and together with his mother they help him sit. His father doesn't stop wheezing, holding his chest, and Xiaobao forgets all else as he worries while the doctor looks him over, and then he's putting Xiaoyu to bed, helping her in this strange new place she doesn't know. She wasn't originally supposed to come with them, but the Emperor demanded the whole family and so the whole family is here.
That night, Jin Xiaobao can hardly fall asleep. He keeps picturing the Fairy, remembering the way the Fairy looked at him, how deep those pretty eyes were, how he wasn't pushed away, despite the many guards. And the Fairy said ask me tomorrow and it's nearly tomorrow, and Xiaobao's eyes ache from the lack of sleep, his mind spinning and spinning.
He doesn't think it's wrong of him, that he wants to marry somebody pretty. And of course he's not so shallow as to ignore personalty; if they get to know each other and don't like each other, of course he's not going to insist on marriage. But. But. If the Fairy gives him a chance. If he could only get a chance, then maybe... maybe they will like each other.
Xiaobao presses his hands to his face and exhales on a shiver, and spends the rest of the night spinning and tossing in bed until he finally falls asleep as the morning starts to dawn.
He eats breakfast in a daze, and entertains Xiaoyu in a daze, and he withstands his father's lecture on propriety and not embarrassing the family or causing a scandal in a daze, and then he's following after his father and mother through the palace's halls in a daze, and then he spots the Fairy in the distance and the daze extinguishes so quickly that he grows dizzy. He stumbles, and then he walks into a wall when the others turn the corner and he doesn't, too preoccupied by gazing at the Fairy.
Ask me again tomorrow, the Fairy said, and it's tomorrow. So he squares his shoulder, brushes a hand over his nose to ensure it's not bleeding, and holds his head high as he smoothly spins on his heel and scurries over the garden while Jinbao hurries to follow. The Fairy is just crossing into a building, but Jin Xiaobao forges on heedlessly, steps loud as he patterns over the grass, and when the Fairy stops and waits, his heart skips a beat, his eyes widening.
Jin Xiaobao ducks under a guard's sword and stops before the Fairy. "It's tomorrow," he says, and holds his breath.
The Fairy looks him over, and inclines their head. "Yes," he says, and this time the voice is deeper and Xiaobao thinks there's no doubt; the Fairy is a man. But that's fine! Xiaobao went over so many different scenarios during the night, and he's come to the conclusion that he's ready to embark on this journey with the Fairy, regardless of obstacles. There's no way to know how things will end before they begin! So it doesn't matter that the Fairy is a man; he can still be Xiaobao's wife.
"Will you marry me?" Jin Xiaobao asks the male Fairy, holding his breath as he waits for an answer, his hands squeezing tight together. Jinbao catches up with him, then, nearly crashing into as he also avoids a wall of swords. Xiaobao can hear his father wheezing behind him, but he's not being stopped, so he assumes that his father has had a change of heart and understands that this is what Xiaobao wants. And anyway, all he can really see right now is the Fairy's eyes; they sink right into him, like they read his very soul, and his heartbeat speeds up, his hands growing clammy. He tries to discreetly wipe them on his clothes, but the Fairy's eyes see everything and he is left bare before him.
The Fairy tilts his head. "Do you know what you're asking for?" Xiaobao's father audibly whimpers behind him, but Xiaobao is not about to stop now, when he's gotten this far. Usually, he's rejected before things go this far!
This is his golden chance!
"Of course." Jin Xiaobao's brows draw together. "I mean, of course, I understand that we don't know each other. But we can get to know each other! And then marry!"
The Fairy studies him with a dark gaze and Xiaobao does his best not to squirm. He doesn't want to seem like he's not serious; he's deathly serious. He's never been more serious about anything in his life! Marriage is no laughing matter, of course, and Xiaobao isn't about to treat it with anything less than the absolute seriousness that it deserves. So he stands still before the Fairy, back straight, and he waits for his judgement to fall.
Well, he tries. The Fairy takes a long time to say anything, merely gazing at him, and eventually his feet grows weary and he pouts, looking to the floor and then glancing up at the Fairy from below his eyelashes. He clears his throat, glances around at the guards, and takes a teeny, tiny step closer. "If you don't want to marry me," he says, and his shoulders draw up. "I understand."
Sighing, the Fairy merely says, "Call me Huaien," and then doesn't say anything more. The Fairy---Huaien---leaves him behind again, but Xiaobao doesn't mind. This is. This is more than he thought.
Truth be told, he's kind of been getting used to getting rejected.
Xiaobao always does his best to treat ladies like they deserve; with dignity and respect and giving them lots of money. Everybody likes money! Money is the best! It can get you everything you want, and Xiaobao always wants people to be happy, and have what they need. If he can help out, of course he's going to! But somehow he always says something wrong, or gives somebody the wrong thing, or he goes to the wrong place and his prospective marriage partner declares him to be a scoundrel.
Xiaobao doesn't think he's a scoundrel!
But. Well, the evidence is sort of beginning to speak for itself, isn't it?
Xiaobao doesn't like to think about things like that, doesn't want to consider that he might really have ruined things over and over again. But he's not so stupid that he can't learn, and the last time he messed it up his mother lectured him for over an hour on how to properly treat a lady, and some of it did stick. Primarily because it keeps popping up in his dreams, and at this point he can almost deliver the lecture himself word-for-word. Still, Huaien didn't say no.
"You've ruined us, you foolish boy!" Jin Xiaobao's father decrees, dragging him to their rooms by his ears, their meeting seemingly forgotten entirely. Xiaobao stumbles after, trying to signal his mother to interfere, but she just looks at him with teary eyes, like she thinks he's doomed.
"I haven't done anything unproper!" Xiaobao defends himself, waving his hands in the air and nearly tripping over a step. His father merely grunts, too angry to even make words, and his mother hovers around them both, trying her best to diffuse the situation without interfering. Xiaobao appreciates it, he does, but it kind of feels like how his ear is about to torn off, and he whimpers in pain when he's finally let go. "You were there," he declares with his arms crossed over his chest, scuttling around the room. "You saw! I didn't do anything untoward. I just asked-"
"You unfilial child!" His father instantly starts pacing, and Jinbao and Zhaocai cowers, too, and then they just sort of stand there while Xiaobao's father rants and wheezes and rants and wheezes and eventually has to sit down and rest for solid chi before he can resume his lecturing. The gist, as far as Xiaobao understands, is that he is bringing ruin to the Jin family.
"It's a little dramatic," he mutters to himself later, when his father has finally left and it's just him and Jinbao and Zhaocai, and he crosses his arms and gazes out the window, trying to figure out where he is in relation to Huaien. And how difficult it would be to get to a market, so he can buy something pretty and proper as a gift. What kind of courting gifts would Huaien want, he wonders, and ponders seriously upon it. "It's only a marriage proposal. It's not like it's a bad omen," he mutters, and Jinbao nods beside him, also looking out the window and seriously pondering. Xiaobao doesn't know what about, but Jinbao has been making thoughtful noises every once in a while that have been knocking Xiaobao out of his own pondering.
"Right, right," Zhaocai says from the floor, playing a game with a couple of strings between his hands. "Maybe it's because Huaien is a man," Zhaocai offers, and Xiaobao's brows furrows and he sits up straight.
"That's it," he declares, and scowls. He can't believe his father would be so narrow-minded, but he supposes... he supposes his father worries about the family. Which is understandable. But still! Xiaobao doesn't deserve to be treated like he did something wrong when his proposal is perfectly understandable. Who wouldn't propose upon meeting such a beautiful Fairy? How can he be judged for making a swift and powerful decision? He's sure Huaien is a good person, anyway! After all, he let Xiaobao get past the guards and never hurt any of them, no matter how many weird noises Xiaobao's father made.
Jin Xiaobao nods, pleased to have come to the correct conclusion. Then he stands. "I'm going to find Huaien," he tells Jinbao and Zhaocai, and they look up at him wide eyes. "Keep my father from figuring out I'm gone."
"But-" Jinbao gets shushed by Zhaocai, and Xiaobao pats both their shoulders, staring them deep into the eyes.
"I'm depending on you," he says, and they both nods. Xiaobao smiles, and then he carefully sneaks out while they keep watch, making sure nobody catches him. He sneaks right past one of the ominously dressed guards, but aside from glaring at him the guard does nothing, and so he smiles and pats him on the shoulder and continues onward, head spinning in every possible direction as he scours the palace for Huaien.
He doesn't find him.
Xiaobao squats in despair behind another palace, poking with a stick in the dirt, and sighs. Resting his head on his hand, he sighs once more, and blows his cheeks up with air. His stomach growls, too, and he's reminded that he hasn't eaten anything since breakfast, and then he just feels sad. He sighs again, and he stands, putting the stick against the building and clapping his hands to get rid of the dust. Glancing around, he spots a few guards milling in the area, but he doesn't think anything of it; they've been lingering all over the place the whole day. There sure is a lot of them, he thinks, and begins his aimless wandering again.
Wait a moment. Where is he?
Oh, shit.
Swiveling his head around, Xiaobao desperately tries to spot something familiar, but he has no idea which direction he came from or where he is now, and he frowns in despair, crossing his arms as he hurries over the grounds to the nearest guards. "Excuse me," he calls, but the guard merely looks ta him and doesn't say a word. "I'm lost," Xiaobao graciously admits, bowing his head in admittance of his mistake. "Could you lead me the way back to my rooms?"
The guard does not reply.
Xiaobao waits for a bit more, shifting his weight between his feet, and yet nothing happens. He furrows his eyebrows, glances around at the other guards, but they're ignoring him, too. He sighs. "I see," he says, and thinks that at least their professionalism is commendable. Su Yin would probably like them. Then he walks away, arms still crossed, and slowly walks into the direction of a palace. He glances at the guards he's passing, but nobody is stopping him, so he enters it, and it's---lovely, he supposes. Warm and inviting and not ostentatious at all, really.
Personally, Xiaobao thinks there's no such thing, but every lady he's ever met has seemed to think otherwise. He doesn't see what's wrong with buying somebody a new jewelry every day. It's not like it's a lot of money! And anyway, he has way more money than he knows what to do with, and it's just collecting dust. Isn't it better to use it? To make somebody happy? To pay a good craftsman for their work?
Xiaobao doesn't understand how lady's brains work but he doesn't bother arguing about it anymore. It just makes people get more annoyed with him. Even Su Yin! But then, Su Yin gets annoyed about a lot, he also he thinks, and nods, glad to have solved that. He's not the problem!
Gifts are the best!
Xiaobao keeps walking inside the palace, poking his head into different rooms, but it doesn't seem like anybody's around, and so he slows down as he explores, hunger forgotten. it really is a very beautiful palace, and he wishes their rooms were half as nice. Their rooms are comfortable, yes, but they're not particularly welcoming, and he supposes that that's what they get for getting summoned so suddenly. He wonders why they were summonsed, for that matter. The Emperor hasn't expressed any interest in them before; the Emperor has been on the throne for only a handful of years, and is reportedly quite young, but he's already proven himself to be a competent, if harsh, ruler.
He can't think what the Emperor wants from his family, but as long as he can stick around and talk to Huaien, he doesn't much mind.
Continuing his wandering, he gets stuck in a room full of old paintings. Xiaobao looks at each and every one, and he's certain these are... pretty poor paintings, all things told. He's seen better things made by Xiaoyu, and admittedly Xiaoyu is pretty good, but she has lots of room to improve. He's sure she'll be a genius painter one day! But she's not quite there yet.
Still, there's something about the paintings that are captivating, and he ends spending far too much time staring at them. Until at last the growling of his stomach grows too fierce to ignore, and he steps out of the room.
And almost crashes right into Huaien, flailing his arms in the air as he takes a quick step back before he takes them both down.
Huaien looks Jin Xiaobao up and down, and he raises a dark eyebrow. Xiaobao freezes, heart in his throat and pounding away, and his eyes widen. He widens his stance and ceases his flailing with his balance once more restored. Laughing softly and briefly evading Huaien's gaze, Xiaobao scratches the back of his neck and then takes a step forth, gazing up into those deep eyes. "Good morning," Xiaobao offers, and his stomach growls again. He laughs a bit more, ducking his head and biting his lip and he can't resist glancing up from below his eyelashes at Huaien. He really---is so very pretty.
"The guards told me you were here," Huaien says. He doesn't say anything more.
"Ah, was I... not supposed to?" Brows furrowing, Xiaobao ruthlessly defends himself, "Nobody stopped me. And I sort of got a little bit lost. I was looking for you!" He straightens, and grins up at Huaien. "I wanted to see you!"
Huaien stares down at him. Xiaobao's grin falters for a bit, but then he cheers up; Huaien hasn't rejected him yet. Hasn't even been harsh with him, truly. Xiaobao has been slapped and screeched at and pushed out a cart, once, when he's inadvertently offended ladies. He tries! But they're all so pretty, and when they smile at him his mind goes a little blank and then before he knows it he's asked them to marry him, or he's tried buying them a horse, or he's offered to pay a brothel worker's fee for freedom. And apparently those are all unimaginably bad things to do, to such an extent he's been labeled a bit of a fool in his town. But how was he supposed to that that woman was already married, or that that young lady's precious horse had just died, or that that brothel girl had a sweetheart who was earnestly working to get her out.
Woman are mysteries! And Xiaobao is a lot of things, but he's not a detective!
Anyway, the point is, he's resilient. And he knows what complete rejection looks like, and Huaien hasn't done that yet.
So he still has hope!
That's not such a bad thing, is it? Really, his father is just overreacting.
"Come eat," Huaien says, and it's mot a command then anything but Xiaobao lights up inside and out, latching onto Huaien's long, pretty sleeve and following him out the palace, staring at him all the while. Some of the guards assemble around them and follow them, too, but Xiaobao has no attention to spear for them; Huaien is looking back at him. It's not constant, the looks---but Huaien glances at him every few steps, stares at him with dark, deep eyes, and then looks away when Xiaobao grins at him, standing a little on his toes every time he catches wind of the attention. And then Huaien does it again and again, the whole way to some other palace.
"Here," Huaien says as they approach a set of doors. They're opened by servants, and Huaien heads straight for a low table, Jin Xiaobao following right on his heels. The lighting in the room is soft, and it is expertly decorated, if somewhat sparse. Xiaobao adjusts himself on his seat, clearing his throat nad Huaien's eyes are already on him when he looks up again. Huaien raises an eyebrow; "You seem hungry."
"I am!" Xiaobao readily admits, grinning and leaning over the table, resting his head on his hand. He stares at Huaien, hardly blinking. He can hardly believe they're sitting at the same table. What luck! To think that Huaien found him and saved him from being eternally lost---Xiaobao thinks this must surely be a sign. See, he thinks, he is kind! So of course this isn't going to lead to the run of the Jin family. Xiaobao's father is being unreasonable.
Huaien sighs, and one of the servants expertly places food and drinks on the table, vanishing nearly before even being noticed. Xiaobao licks his lips, eyes wide as he examines the food, fancier and smelling better than even what he can get at home. And when he looks up again, he thinks Huaien is looking at his lips---his stomach swoops, and he has to hold onto the table lest he collapse into a puddle of desiring goo.
Ew, he thinks. He should not have thought that. Goo is not desirable.
They eat. Xiaobao chatters on the whole time, and Huaien looks at him like he wants to eat Jin Xiaobao and honestly? Xiaobao is super okay with this. He can barely taste what he's putting into his motuh after a certain time, too preoccupied with thoughts of Huaien's eyes and lips and his perfect nose, and when Huaien exhales in pleasure at the drink, Xiaobao just about dies inside. He's starting to think he'll come away from this meeting a changed man. A new man. A reborn man, even. There's no way for him to ever return to who he used to be, now that he knows what Huaien looks like when he's eating food he likes.
And the way his nose draw up when he eats something he dislikes. "Cute," whispers Xiaobao and ducks his head when Huaien's gaze---fierce, ferocious---snap to him. Xiaobao clears his throat and doesn't say another word all dinner, eating until his stomach is gently bloating and he has to lean back on one hand, fanning himself with the other as he waits for the food to settle. He should have stopped eating, he thinks. But it was so good!
Huaien puts away his utensils, and as if on command, servants remove all the dishes. Xiaobao blinks at the now empty table, tilting his head. Then he bows, "Thank you for the food, Huaien."
"No matter," Huaien says, reticent and yet bold. Xiaobao peeks up at him, and blushes at the focused gaze on him.
Clearing his throat, he shakes his head and sits up straight. "No, it's a great thing!" He leans over the table, fluttering his eyelashes and grinning. "Do you want to go to the opera with me?"
Huaien's eyebrows draw together. It's a small motion, but it's exceedingly clear on Huaien's beautiful features. Xiaobao holds his breath in waiting, eyes wide, and he doesn't move a single muscle, absolutely breathless, to such a degree that it merits mention twice. No, three times. He's entirely bereft of breath, after all, heart pumping hard in his throat, and he wets his lips at last and he swears Huaien's eyes follow the motion.
Turning his head away, Huaien says, "Leave."
Xiaobao blinks, and slowly he scratches the back of his head. "Ah," he says, "Did I do something wrong? Was I... not supposed to eat? It was only that it tasted really, really good, Huaien! I didn't mean to do---" something to upset you, he means to say, but that part doesn't get out when a servant steps out from seemingly nowhere behind Huaien and kind of sort of hovers, for a moment, glancing at Xiaobao and Huaien and back to Xiaobao, visibly getting disturbed. Or perhaps it's a guard? He certainly looks like one and if so, Xiaobao definitely understands why he'd have a problem with him. Keeping Huaien safe, with his pretty face, must surely have soured the guards to men of all kinds!
Huaien tilts his head, and the guard gulps, glancing at Xiaobao one last time before he bends down and whispers something in Huaien's ear. Brow furrowing, Huaien sighs when the guard is done, and he says again "Leave" and so that's what Xiaobao does. He goes excruciatingly slowly, looking back over his shoulder every few steps, and grinning and laughing slightly every time he makes eye-contact with Huaien. He makes extra sure to swing his hips, too, even though he's not sure that that's doing anything in these sweltering, fancy clothes.
When he gets back to his rooms, both Jinbao and Zhaocai are crying their eyes out. They scramble to latch onto him as soon as he gets in, pulling on his clothes and talking over each other. "We didn't mean to!" They blubber over each other, whole-heartedly apologizing and begging for his mercy.
"Calm down, calm down," Jin Xiaobao begs, his hands fluttering uselessly in the air as they pull on his clothes. The two of them bow down before him, and he squats down, patting them on their heads. "What's wrong?" he asks, looking them over to see if they're hurt, but they seem fine. Just... utterly inconsolable.
"We didn't mean to," Jinbao swears.
"We deserve death!" Zhaocai cries, thumping his head on the floor.
Jin Xiaobao's heart thumps away in his chest at painful speeds, and he shakes his head. "I'm sure it's fine. What's wrong? Don't you worry, there's no thing my Jin Family's money can't fix!"
"Laoye, laoye," Jinbao finally manages to squeeze out, eyes shut, "Laoye found out you went looking for Huaien, shaoye!"
Jin Xiaobao collapses onto the floor, eyes wide. Oh no, he thinks, and winces at just the thought. And he was so careful! "We didn't mean to, shaoye," Zhaocai swears, tears in his voice, "But laoye is so clever and we---"
"We spilled the beans, shaoye!" Jinbao reveals, crying his heart out. "We betrayed you! You depended on us, and we let you down! We're so sorry, shaoye! It's... it's okay if you hate us now, shaoye. We... we understand," and he sniffles, resting his head on the floor and crying while Zhaocai pats him on the back, tries to comfort him.
Hate them? Xiaobao sits up. "I could never hate you!" he cries, tossing himself onto them. They tremble underneath his weight but manage to hold him up, and he swears, "I know you didn't mean to! You're the best, most skilled people I've ever known, and no-one can replace you! Of course I don't hate you!"
"But laoye," Zhaocai hiccups.
"Don't worry about it!" Xiaobao hugs him tight, and is hugged tight in turn by Jinbao who's clinging onto him with all his limbs, "I can deal with him. It's going to be fine!"
It is not, Xiaobao thinks, going to be fine.
His father is already so angry that he's red in the face, and he's clinging to Xiaobao's mother just to remain standing, wheezing and muttering doubtlessly unflattering things. He points at Xiaobao as soon as he's through the door, and Xiaobao switches what foot he's resting his weight on, looking down at the floor and pressing his lips together. Don't say anything, he reminds himself. It might not be as bad as he thinks. No reason to reveal anything that isn't already revealed!
"You ungrateful son!" his father roars, shaking the very pillars of the palace, and Xiaobao cowers, scurrying around the large, opulent room so his father can't catch him. "You went to the—to Huaien, didn't you? I told you to leave him alone! And now look what you've done! We're all going to be ruined!"
"You're being dramatic!" Xiaobao says, quivering in his shoes, and he ducks his head at the angry glare his father throws at him. Then he doesn't say anything at all, standing still and listening to his father predict utter doom for them all. Jin Xiaobao really does not see what the problem is! His father just keeps talking about doom, and how Huaien is a devious person who's bewitched him, and then he abruptly spins on his heel and talks to the wall as he praises Huaien and all his ancestors and how great at his job Huaien is, and Xiaobao's mother pats his back while Xiaobao stares at them both, utterly dumbfounded.
But still. It's nice he's saying good things about Huaien at last!
When he's done, Xiaobao's father collapses by a table and wheezes while servants carry in food and drinks, and Xiaobao pats his back as they're waiting for a doctor. He looks at his father iwth a furrowed brow. This really isn't like him, he thinks. He should know better than to yell so much. He doesn't usually do that, does he? Xiaobao strokes his chin in thought, helping his father get more water and watching closely as his father's breathing at last begins to even out.
"I don't understand," says Xiaobao and looks at his father, at his mother, doing his best to convey that he doesn't mean to be insensitive. He really does not understand. What problem does his father have with Huaien?
Is it... is Huaien betrothed?
His father sighs, running a hand over his face. He looks weary, all of a sudden, and Xiaobao inhales deeply, resettling on his seat to sit more properly. His father and mother look at each other, and finally they both sigh. "I can't say," Xiaobao's father says, and looks at Xiaobao intently. "But it's serious, Xiaobao. I would not make a fuss if it were not serious. If things with His—Huaien goes wrong, or if you upset him..." He sighs, again, and Xiaobao's mother looks at him worryingly. Xiaobao hangs his head, understanding the truth.
Huaien must be a great scholar.
It's the only thing that makes sense!
Of course, the Emperor would greatly value a great scholar, and Huaien definitely seems very clever. He must be at constant threat from the people who oppose the Emperor, and it explains why he's in the palace so much, too. And why the guard wanted to speak to him. Doubtlessly, there's a great problem afoot that only a great scholar can solve! That's probably why Xiaobao's family was summoned, too---though he doesn't really know what part they can play in it. Maybe they haven't been paying their taxes? But no, Xiaobao's father is smart, he wouldn't make a mistake like that.
"I understand," he says gravely, bowing his head to his parents. "I won't do anything to upset Huaien, I promise. But..." he peeks up at his parents, then, and says, "I do intend to marry him. I won't... won't rescind that offer." And he ducks his head again, staring at the table as he waits for his parents to say something, his eyes almost tearing up from his lack of blinking, his breath caught in his lungs.
"We know," says Xiaobao's mother, resting her hand on his and smiling at him. It's a weary smile, and he bites his lip, knowing he's doing something that they don't one-hundred percent support.
It's a novel feeling.
Xiaobao has always been spoiled. He can acknowledge this. He's their only son, and they love him, and wants what's best for him. They've stood by him through al the scandals, even if Xiaobao's father has gotten son angry he's gone purple, and his mother has lectured him. But they've never measured their love for him by what he does or accomplishes, and he knows that's a lucky thing. He knows they support him, and love him.
"I won't hurt him," says Xiaobao, and he means to be reassuring but his father sighs, nods. Xiaobao bites his lip again, glancing around the room. He keeps worrying his lip until his mother pats hi hand and gives him a specific look, and his eyes widen. He pops his lip back out and laughs a bit sheepishly, and just like that it feels like everything is fine again. They eat their meal, and the doctor comes---at long last!---to look over Xiaobao's father. He gives him a tonic of some kind that smells absolutely foul, and then Xiaobao's father goes to bed, citing excessive stress while looking right at Xiaobao.
Xiaobao sneaks out when nobody's looking, and Jinbao and Zhaocai are both waiting for him, sitting by the door and in a staring contest with a guard posted across them. They scramble up when he steps up, "How did it go, shaoye? Are you..." Jinbao looks him over, leaning in and whispering, "Still a man?"
Zhaocai slaps him upside the head, and while Jinbao is pouting and rubbing it, Xiaobao grabs them both and carts them away, giving the guards he passes solemn nods. At a courtyard of some kind, he releases them both and watches them stumble, crossing his arms. He raises an eyebrow, very elegantly if he can say so himself, and waits to see what they have to say. "We deserve death!" Zhaocai calls and is about to kneel again, and Xiaobao quickly pulls him up straight.
"You're not going to die," he says, and he flicks Jinbao's forehead. Jinbao pouts and looks away, and Zhaocai sighs, granting Xiaobao a commiserating look. "Anyway, we've solved it. It's all good now."
"Really?" Zhaocai asks, and then upon Xiaobao's look, he grins, "That's great, shaoye! You've been so dreadfully-"
"Amazing," Xiaobao interrupts. "I have been so dreadfully amazing." The both of them glance at each other, and finally smile at him. He narrows his eyes; he can sense that something is up with them, still. But he is magnanimous! And so he lets them be, shaking his head sleeves and resettling into the proper posture of a young master. He glances up to the sky; it's getting closer toward night. He supposes that today has been a very busy day and yet---he doesn't want it to end yet. He remembers how Huaien looked at him earlier, and he wants to make him look at Xiaobao like that again.
"I'll go see Huaien," Xiaobao says, already turning away, trying to orient himself and figure out where to go next.
Behind him, Jinbao yelps, "Again? Shaoye-" But Zhaocai gets his hand on him and they settle into whispering silence. Xiaobao holds his head high as he leaves, quickly leaving them behind. Now where, he thinks, might Huaien be?
He doesn't know.
He doesn't, in fact, know much of anything about Huaien, he realizes, frowning. Looking around, he debates asking the guards for help, but he doesn't think they're going be any more helpful now than they were earlier. And he can't very well wander all about the palaces when it's almost night. Sighing, he looks up, and thinks, that roof looks like it has a good view of the palace.
Which is how he finds himself clinging the edge of the roof, legs kicking in thin air as he holds in his screams with everything he has. It's fine! It's fine, he thinks, doing his best to get some swing so he can hook a leg over the edge, too, and not just hang by his fingertips, but the clothes are really too restrictive and he's not a martial artist or a warrior and his fingers really, really hurt by now, and his cheeks are blown up as far as they can as he wheezes but at last he must-
"What are you doing?" Huaien asks from below, and Xiaobao tips his head back to look down, realizes just how high he is, and his grip slips as his eyes widen and his stomach swoops. He lets go, and has just enough time to scream before Huaien catches him in his arms, and oh, then Xiaobao's stomach swoops for a whole different reasons.
For about two seconds, then he realizes what just happens and lets out a shout of terror, snapping his hands over his mouth and staring up at Huaien.
Huaien gazes back down at him, still effortlessly carrying him. His hands are strong and warm both, and he exudes a sense of strength that makes Xiaobao lick his lips and gulp, ducking his head as he remembers himself. Right. He's not supposed to upset Huaien. "Thanks," he squeezes out, and he sounds like he's being strangled. Then he looks up at Huaien again and his mind goes blank; Huaien's eyes are dark and all-consuming, but they're looking right at him, are consuming him and only him and look, Xiaobao isn't a monster. He looks at Huaien's eyes and his heart thumps loud in his chest, and his fingers flex. And then.
Then.
Huaien smiles.
He has dimples! And his smile is the most gorgeous, breathtaking, magnificent smile Xiaobao has seen in his entire life, and he doesn't know how he lived without seeing this smile. He thinks he won't be able to survive without it out now, and so he just looks and looks and looks, until Huaien's smile abruptly vanish, he looks away, and he drops Jin Xiaobao on his ass.
Xiaobao doesn't even mind.
Looking up at Huaien from the ground, he doesn't even blink, mind still spinning away at the image behind his eyelids. Huaien smiled at me, he thinks, and a blush steals over his cheeks, his breathing pausing only to redouble like he's run a thousand miles, and then his heart finally engages again and clicks into place and then it's pounding like the most ferocious of horses, utterly consuming his thoughts.
He can't think. Can barely breathe. Can only stare, and listen to the sound of his heartbeat.
Finally, Huaien looks back at him again. "Get up," he says, and Xiaobao scrambles too obey. "What were you doing?" Huaien asks, looking him over and studying him, and Huaien tilts his head in slight confusion. Xiaobao laughs, ducking his head, his heart filling him up in such a totality that it takes him a moment to even remember.
"I wanted to find you," he says, and Huaien's eyebrows twist, furrow, his lips parting. He looks ethereal, Xiaobao thinks, biting his lip and popping it back out to explain, "I don't know my way around. I've never been here before! And the guards don't talk to me. And none of the servants ever stand still long enough for me to see them. So I thought, if I got higher ground... I could..."
"See me?" Huaien's eyes are wide, and he's looking at Xiaobao like Xiaobao holds the answers to the universe. Butterflies burrow through Xiaobao's bones, in turn, and he squirms, looking at the ground and yet glancing at Huaien every few seconds as he waits. He's not sure what he's waiting for, not really, but he doesn't want to interrupt. Doesn't want to, in any way, hinder Huaien. Finally, Huaien grabs his hand and pulls him along, and Xiaobao's heart hits the beat of his throat as he stumbles after, eyes wide. He stares at the back of Huaien's head, but Huaien refuses to look back at him, simply carts him along.
Pulls him into a palace, and then a room, and then the doors are shut behind them and they're along. Huaien spins around, and he's still holding Xiaobao's hand so he pulls Xiaobao close, and so they end up face to face, they're breath skimming over each other. Huaien bends down, towers over him and holds Xiaobao stuck, and his dark eyes stares at him, studies him to his very core. "Are you serious?" Huaien asks.
Xiaobao gulps, and nods.
Huaien's brows furrows. "Really?" he presses again, and Xiaobao tilts his head back, tenses his jaw and stares into his eyes. He's serious. He doesn't think he's ever been so serious, before. He's had crushes, infatuations, and he's asked beautiful woman to marry him; but it's never felt like this. He honestly doesn't know what to call it.
"I'm not lying to you," Xiaobao says, solemn and clear, and he grabs onto Huaien's shoulders, still staring into his eyes. "I want to marry you, Huaien."
"You don't even-"
"It doesn't matter," Xiaobao says, even though he has no idea what Huaien was going to say. But if it mattered, Xiaobao would know. He doesn't know how, but it makes perfect sense to him. Something serious, something that would effect his relationship with Huaien? He would know. So whatever it is, it doesn't matter. "I want to marry you," he says again, and he holds onto Huaien and stands on his toes, trying to get as close as possible.
Huaien doesn't push him away.
Staring into Xiaobao's eyes, Huaien is still for so long that Xiaobao's smile vanishes, his heart beating harshly in his chest, his eyebrows furrowing. He worries---that he's done something wrong, that's he's said something wrong, that he's coming on too strong. Maybe he shouldn't be mentioning the marriage so often? Zhaocai says he needs to go slower, but when Xiaobao sees somebody he wants to marry, of course he has to go for it! Otherwise he might lose his shot! And then he'll never marry anybody!
Xiaobao wants to be married! It seems like the most awesome thing in the world; is it so bad that he yearns for companionship? For a partner? For somebody to share joys and sorrows with? To support and be supported in turn? Is it so bad that he wants that partner to be pretty?
So what if he judges people by how they look. He's not going to actually marry somebody if they're an awful person, no matter how pretty they are! He has standards! He's not so blinded by beauty that he doesn't understand a person can be pretty and a horrible, horrible person at the same time. That's why he's not asking people to marry him right away---well, that and to make sure they don't get married on an inauspicious date---and why he wants to spend time with people. He wants to talk to Huaien, not only look at him. ...Though looking at him sounds like a really rewarding activity. But he also wants to talk with him! Learn everything about him! Understand who Huaien is!
Huaien is still looking at him, Xiaobao thinks, and his mouth is dry, his lips parted. Xiaobao clears his throat. "Everybody deserves to be loved," he says, and Huaien flinches. It's---a tiny flinch, all things told, but Xiaobao's heart still sort of breaks for him.
"Even," Huaien says, leaning in again, and his eyes are huge so close. Xiaobao can see his own reflection in them, and he inhales through his nose, holds it in his chest until it stops hurting. "Even," Huaien says again, "Those who have hurt others?"
"Well," Xiaobao thinks, brows furrowing further. "Why did they hurt others?"
"Because..." Huaien stops speaking, just keeps staring. Xiaobao doesn't know what he's waiting for, but he has nothing against standing still in Huaien's grasp, looking at him. "Because it was necessary."
"Why was it necessary?" Xiaobao tilts his head, and Huaien's grip on him tightens.
Huaien is the one who looks away first. Xiaobao studies his face in profile; his cheekbones, his noes, his ears, the way his dark hair falls. Huaien is so incredibly pretty that Xiaobao could easily spend a whole day---no a week; no a month---just looking at him. It wouldn't even be a waste of time, for how could doing something that gives you deep internal joy and peace and satisfaction be a waste? Xiaobao is sure that it would be a very productive month! It'd give him so much energy he'd doubtlessly be able to run on it for the rest of the whole year, he thinks.
Xiaobao adjusts himself in Huaien's hands, and Huaien's gaze shoots right back to him, his brow furrowed slightly. "How do you know you want to marry me?" he asks, and he's so close he's nearly touching their foreheads together. "Be honest, Jin Xiaobao."
"You're the prettiest person I've ever seen," says Xiaobao and Huaien starts pulling back, his expression twisting, and Xiaobao hurries to add, "And you're kind, Huaien. You haven't hurt me. You haven't let the guards hurt me. And you're letting me... you're letting me court you, aren't you?"
"Court?" Huaien laughs. It sounds painful, and his expression is... hurt, almost, Xiaobao thinks. Huaien says, "You think you're courting me?" and the expression doesn't go away, merely twists harder, and Xiaobao presses his lips together.
"I haven't properly started yet," he's forced to admit, and he gazes into Huaien's deep, dark eyes and feels his own heart tripping in his chest. He frowns, and leans up, pressing their foreheads together. "But I'm going to, Huaien. If you let me, I'll court you like nobody else ever has. Do you want to go the opera with me? We can stroll through a garden? Take a walk in the forest? I'll buy you gifts in the marketplace? Huaien, I want to do everything with me. Do you want to... with me?" He can't help biting his bottom lip as he waits for a response, and Huaien inhales deeply, his whole body shaking for a moment.
"Opera," Huaien says after a fraught second during which Xiaobao holds his breath, and it goes out of him in a giant whoosh. He grins, and Huaien sighs, but his grip is loosening on Xiaobao, turning comfortable and comforting both, and he huffs a little laugh when Huaien's eyes widen. "We'll go to the opera."
"Great," Xiaobao jumps on his toes. "I'll take you tomorrow, okay?" And he studies Huaien, tries to figure out if he's overstepping, but Huaien merely looks at him. He doesn't smile, but he's not frowning either. Xiaobao looks at him, and when Huaien doesn't say anything more, Xiaobao smiles. He pokes the tip of Huaien's nose, and Huaien's eyes cross trying to follow the movement.
It is, Xiaobao thinks, the cutest thing he's ever seen.
"I'll see you tomorrow," he says, and runs out before he kisses him. They can't kiss yet! Xiaobao's heart isn't prepared! He'd doubtlessly pass out and then Huaien would realize that he's a fool, and then he'd dump him, and then Xiaobao would be alone for the rest of his days, because who could ever take up as much of his heart as Huaien already has? And it's only getting worse, he thinks. Every time they see each other, the thumping gets louder and faster and his stomach flutters all the way up to his throat, and he can barely breathe.
He's gonna be so dumb, he thinks, and nearly knocks over Jinbao as he hurries to his bed. "Can't talk, too sleepy!" he calls, already clambering to get into his bed and the sleeping clothes at the same time, making an utter mess of both. Zhaocai pulls Jinbao out, and Xiaobao is too busy lying on the bed, only half-dressed, and staring at the ceiling. He doesn't even blink, mind so full with thoughts of Huaien and opera and courting and and and.
He can't think. He can't sleep. He only lies there, and at one point he loses consciousness---entirely involuntary, he doesn't want to sleep, he wants to think about Huaien's eyes, and his long eyelashes, and the shape of his eyebrows, and the elegant lines of his hands, how graceful his fingers are!
And yet he is cruelly betrayed by his body, forced to sleep!
But he dreams of Huaien, and ahem, some other things for young men in the prime of their lives who are courting to do together. So it's fine! He forgives himself!
Good job, Xiaobao's brain!
Xiaobao goes through breakfast in a bit of his trance, under his parents' worried gazes. His mother pulls him aside before he can leave. "You're going to the opera with Hi-Huaien?" she asks, brows furrowed, gaze searching, and he nods, blinking. He wonders how she knows, but also she's his mother; she knows everything. He doesn't think he's ever successfully hid anything from her; of course he's not going to be able to start now, he acknowledges.
"Yes," he says, and then he says, in absolute horror, "What am I going to wear?"
He didn't take all his clothes with him to the palace! Most of his things are still left at home, because carting along fourteen different complete outfits was "too much weight" and "damaging the horses' long-term health" and his mother pats his shoulder, now, looking at him soft eyes.
"The outfit you'd wear to visit the opera with the Emperor," she says, patting him still, and staring at him eyes like she knows absolutely everything. Xiaobao thinks she probably does. And he one-hundred percent agrees; Huaien deserves the same level of regard as the Emperor! Look at how pretty he is! How beloved he is! How competent he is!
Xiaobao nods, and says, "I understand, mom. I'll be the best-looking person at the opera---besides Huaien, of course." He laughs, and she laughs, and with her help he gets ready. The opera is obviously not starting to for several hours, but getting out of the palace is a long, fraught affair. The security about the palace is airtight, and the guards glares at Xiaobao as he and his mother and father and Jinbao and Zhaocai seek out Huaien. It takes a long time to go from one point to another, especially when Xiaobao has to undress nearly to his underwear so the guards can be certain he's not carrying a weapon before he's allowed through a blockade of some sort.
Huaien is waiting on the other end, though so it's well-worth it!
Trotting up to Huaien with a smile on his face, Xiaobao chirps, "Good morning!"
It's after lunch. The sun is setting soon. They had to had lunch and snacks and then even more snacks while they waited to through one guard point to another, slowly moving through the palace. But they're going to make it in time for the opera, which is al that matters. Xiaobao has succeeded, somehow, into making himself so excited for the prospect he's feeling kind of sick with it, but he grins up at Huaien and that goes away like it never was.
"We leave our son in your hands, You-Huaien," Xiaobao's father says, and Xiaobao's mother nods with a vicious look in agreement. Xiaobao grins back at them, bounces on his toes, and his father says, "We hope you know that he's an oblivious little fool, but he doesn't mean anything bad by it. Don't take everything he says seriously. Don't mistake any promises for-" His father abruptly stops talking, and Xiaobao glances back at him, already hanging off Huaien's sleeve. The fabric is so soft, and Huaien's hand is close. He could almost hold it, he thinks, except his courage dies at the mere thought.
Huaien is dressed in a gorgeous get-up, absolutely breathtaking to look up. Granted, he's always dressed in the most fabulous of ways, but today it's extra special, and the mere thought that it might be because of Xiaobao, for him, because they're going out together... Xiaobao nearly faints, holding in a whimper by the skin of his teeth.
Granting Xiaobao's parents one last look, carrying a thousand messages, Huaien turns on his heel and takes Xiaobao with him as he descends the palace's front steps. Guards swell around them, and a carriage is waiting for them. It's the fanciest, most expensive carriage Xiaobao has seen in his whole life, and it's surrounded by guards on horses as they gt in. Huaien goes in first, and he holds out his hand and Xiaobao's heart skips a beat. He holds his breath as he lays his hand in Huaien's, his eyes never drifting form the sight, and then Huaien easily pulls him into the carriage.
Xiaobao sits beside him, and they're still holding hands.
Xiaobao can't look away. "So. You. Have a good day?"
Huaien laughs, and Xiaobao snaps his head up, eyes wide and expression slack as he stares, stares, stares. Huaien stops laughing after a moment, when he presumably notices that's what he's doing, nad Xiaobao mourns the lack and still can't stop staring. He licks his lips nd he thinks Huaien watches, and his stomach swoops so violently that he feels ill. Ducking his head, he stares down at his lap before he does something stupid; like toss himself lips first at Huaien.
Damn it, he thinks then.
He's Young Master Jin!
He can be a little stupid if he wants!
Jin Xiaobao then tries to toss himself at Huaien lips first but the carriage rides over a bump in the road and he knocks his head on the ceiling, and then his feet gets entangled in his robes, and then he pitches forward onto Huaien's lap, his stomach impacting with Huaien's knees.
"Ouch," he mumbles into his carriage's seat, and Huaien's hand lands on his back. It's a hesitant motion for a moment; then it strengthens, and then Huaien pulls him up and Xiaobao is almost sitting in his lap. No, he realizes, eyes widening. He is, in fact, sitting in Huaien's lap.
Oh.
Curling his arms around Huaien's neck, he clings onto him and blinks, staring into Huaien's dark eyes. His hair runs through Xiaobao's hands, and he feels the silky strands in his grip with a shudder, tangling his fingers in them. The carriage bucks beneath them, and Xiaobao rides with it, his eyes wide. He can't breathe, he thinks, for probably the fourteenth time today. But that's fine; he doesn't need to breathe if he has Huaien. Huaien can breathe for him, he decides, staring at Huaien's soft, pink lips then. And he licks his own. And his stomach clenches down on the heat inside him.
Huaien leans forth, and then they---kiss.
Of course, Xiaobao has kissed before. But he doesn't think he's ever sparkled this much inside. It is, objectively, not a very good kiss; Huaien doesn't seem quite as familiar with it. But that's more than okay; Xiaobao is happy to help out. He breathes through his nose and his hands clench down on Huaien, gripping everything they can, and he pulls himself closer, wants to absolutely swallow Huaien down and be swallowed in turn. The kiss turns heavier and deeper the longer it goes on, and the bumping from the carriage means their teeth clack every now and then but that's okay, it's fine, Xiaobao is so dizzy from the touches and the kisses and Huaien' hands on him and sitting in Huaien's lap that he's hardly capable of higher thinking.
By the time the carriage stops outside the opera house, Xiaobao is thoroughly breathless, entirely full of butterflies and heart beating a rapid rhythm in his ears. He holds onto Huaien's hand as he steps out, and then Huaien, after a moment where they just look at each other, rests his hand in the crook of Xiaobao's arm as they step inside. Whispers alight around them; only to be expected, Xiaobao thinks, and preens, discreetly looking to Huaien to judge his reaction.
Huaien doesn't seem to care at all about the gossip already around them, and Xiaobao only cares in-so-much as Huaien is getting praised for his great beauty. Some people seem to think he's a woman, which Xiaobao understands! And some people are turning white as funeral robes and turning away, hurriedly hiding and pretending they aren't here, which Xiaobao doesn't understand!
But to each his own!
They get to their seats, the opera house's owner stalking them the whole time with offers of food and drinks and merriment and he quivers every time Huaien glances at him. Xiaobao looks between the two; he thinks that Huaien must have been here before, and hopes it wasn't with another man. Sulking a bit at the mere thought, he ignores the opera house's owner and/or proprietor, whichever one he is, and focuses on Huaien instead. It's very easy; Huaien draws the eye like the brilliant moon in the night sky.
The opera is lovely, and it's lovelier still by the fact that Huaien is watching it with him.
Huaien studies it thoroughly, seeming to pay harsh attention to, but Xiaobao's gaze keeps sliding between the art before him and then back to Huaien, who is an art of his own. By the time the opera ends, he's both tired and sleepy and so excited that he can't sit still, squirming in his seat until Huaien grabs his hand and looks at him, and then Xiaobao breathes in harshly and relaxes all at once. Biting his lip, he scoots closer to Huaien, and rests his head on Huaien's shoulder.
Huaien doesn't push him away.
Xiaobao dozes right there, halfway to sleep and all the more comfortable for it. Huaien's hand is on his head, he realizes at some point, gently massaging his scalp, and it's soft and perfect and Xiaobao presses further into the touch with a quiet whimper. Huaien's hand stills, and Xiaobao pulls on his clothes, whimpering again, and Huaien continues at last. Xiaobao goes back to his dozing, soft and comfortable, and is only vaguely aware when a guard materializes out of nowhere and whispers something Huaien, Huaien's hand still in his hair. Huaien says something sharp in return, and then Xiaobao exhales on his neck and Huaien shudders.
Xiaobao smiles sleepily to himself, and he's dozing on Huaien in the carriage on the way back, too.
He dreams of Huaien.
In the morning, both of Xiaobao's parents are looking at him blatant concern, examining him. Xiaobao blushes and mumbles, "We didn't do anything improper," and ducks his head, embarrassed to have even had to say it. But they hadn't!
"Hi-Huaien carried you in last night," Xiaobao's mother says, in a hesitant tone. She picks at her food without truly eating it, and Xiaoyu's gaze keeps switching between them all like she's watching a play. Xiaobao's mother clears her throat and swallows a bunch of her tea at once. "As long as you're being safe."
Xiaobao says, "Don't worry." And then he runs away to find Huaien again.
The opera was---amazing. The carriage ride was amazing, too, and now he wants to talk to Huaien, wants to give him a gift. He already knows it, has it clear as day in his mind, but getting out of the palace was a long, tiring journey yesterday---he sort of feels like they were specifically targeted, because it wasn't nearly that hard to get into the palace in the first place. For that matter, he wonders how long they're going to stay here?
Xiaobao doesn't find Huaien, though, so he proceeds with his plan to get to the gift instead. Getting out is a long process, once more, and he's stalked by guards when he's finally let out. Presumably to make sure he's not plotting something or whatever, but Xiaobao is so full of nerves regarding his gift that he doesn't much care what the guards are doing. They follow him all the way to the market, and even when he's searching for his price. Jinbao and Zhaocai follow him, too, poking at each other every few steps. "Shaoye," says Jinbao after they've wrestled their way through part of the market, a whole slew of people surrounding them, "Are you really going to marry that Huaien?"
"Of course," says Jin Xiaobao, turning and stopping. He looks at Jinbao, brows furrowed. "I said so, didn't I?"
"Right but. Well, shaoye, you've said you'd marry lots of beauties," Jinbao fearlessly forges on, and someone nearby hisses. Xiaobao is too busy being full of embarrassed fumbling to pay them attention, and he steps up and pulls Jinbao's ear.
"Huaien is different," he says, shaking Jinbao while Jinbao whimpers, tears already forming in his eyes, Zhaocai hovering and judging Xiaobao without speaking. Xiaobao judges him back. Xiaobao judges him hard. He lets go of Jinbao's ear and claps his hand to get rid of dust. "Huaien is---pretty, yes, of course he is. But he's kind, and he listens and pays attention, and he's definitely, definitely, definitely. A good kisser."
"Just be honest, shaoye," Zhaocai says, then, "You've jumped in before you've had time to think."
"I'm certain I want to marry Huaien," Xiaobao says, eyes narrowed and just about glaring at Zhaocai. "I want to spend the rest of my life with him. I want to talk with him, and listen to him speak, and I want to sleep next to him, and I want to eat with him and watch the opera with him and just. Exist besides him. And I know he's kind. I know he has a mean face but he's kind. He hasn't hurt you, either of you. He keeps the guards away from you. And he's. Good. I know he's good. So just. I'm going to marry him, if he'll have me. I lov-" He snaps his mouth shut, and the world seems very quiet, all of a sudden. Both Jinbao and Zhaocai are staring at him, eyes and Xiaobao's shoulders draw up to his ears before he forces them back down on an exhale. He straightens up. He glares at them both. "I've got something to do," he declares, and spins on his heel, determinedly leaving them both behind.
Blushing fiercely, he presses his hands to his cheeks, ducking his head and hurrying onward.
Luckily, he finds what he's after pretty quickly. Then he pays the craftsman and waits at a restaurant while his gift is being made. It's a rush order because he paid extra---a lot extra---and a couple of guards mill around the restaurant as well, and he misses Jinbao and Zhaocai. He sighs, but then he eats and forgets all about it, thoroughly enjoying his meal. He eyes a few supremely beautiful people, but he doesn't do anything, reminded of Huaien and blushing about it.
The gift is perfect, he thinks, as the carriage bucks beneath him on the way back.
He holds it in his hands and he can't stop looking at it. When they get back to the palace, a servant helps him down and then drags him along---with momentum, not actually touching him---to Huaien. Xiaobao lights up when he sees him, heart fluttering, and he grins and runs over, the gift in a death-grip. "Huaien!" he calls, and Huaien looks down at him with dark eyes, a twist to his expression that makes Xiaobao stop. He frowns. "Huaien?" he asks, blinking and rocking back on his heels. "What's wrong?"
"You..." Huaien doesn't say anything else. Turns, and Xiaobao follows him to a private room. It's opulent, fancy, elegant, and Huaien fits right in. He's dressed in extremely fancy clothes, as he always is, and Xiaobao wonders again if he's related to the Emperor. There's a dragon motif around the edges of his robes, he's pretty sure. It wouldn't surprise him; Huaien definitely has royal bearing. "Where were you?"
"The guards didn't tell you?" Xiaobao blinks, shocked. He glances at one of the guards behind Huaien; this is one of the two that's always following Huaien around. He's pretty sure they report everything to him. Huaien, the thought occurs to him at last, might be a Spy Master for the Emperor. Maybe that's why he's so important and why Xiaobao's father is so certain he'll the Jin family to doom. It makes a lot of sense, he thinks, rubbing his chin as he ponders, eyes studying Huaien. If Huaien is the Spy Master, it of course also makes sense that so many guards do what he says, and why he seemingly has so much authority to move about the palace. And why there was so much security when they went out yesterday.
Xiaobao thinks he might really be right, this time.
Huaien says, "They told me," and Xiaobao breathes out. He might really be right, he thinks again. It makes perfect sense. It explains everything.
"Well," says Xiaobao, biting his bottom lip and bowing his head, rocking on his toes. He takes a quick step closer to Huaien, and Huaien stands still, lets him get close. Jin Xiaobao gazes up at from below his eyelashes, and he thinks Huaien's eyes widen. Xiaobao grins. "I got something for you," he says, and grabs Huaien's hand. It's cold in his but Xiaobao's hand warms it fairly quickly, and Xiaobao worries his lip once more. He squirms under Huaien's gaze, and Huaien sighs, blinking.
Xiaobao grins, and holds out the box.
Huaien stares at it. Xiaobao takes a deep breath and regretfully lets go of Huaien's hand. He holds his breath as he opens the box, holding it out again. Eyebrows furrowed, he gazes silently up at Huaien, trying to judge his reaction. Huaien's eyes are wide, and he doesn't seem to be breathing. He reaches out, grabbing the box, and his fingers seem to shake, his grip trembling. "This is..." Huaien starts, and doesn't finish.
"It matches mine," Xiaobao says, and points to his hair. Huaien's eyes follow his motion, and he gulps. Xiaobao presses his lips tight, his brows furrowing further. Does... does Huaien not like it?
Has Xiaobao ruined it again?
But Huaien picks it up. Holds it his hands, twisting and turning it. Looks to the matching one in Xiaobao's hair again, and his eyes are still so wide. Xiaobao, after a deep breath for courage, reaches out and rests his hand on top of Huaien's. Squeezes. Huaien is still and cold under his touch, but doesn't reject. Leans closer, in fact, like he might want to touch Xiaobao, too. And all Xiaobao can do is squeeze Huaien's hand again and say, "You don't have to wear it. But. If you wanted to...?"
Huaien holds Xiaobao close, pulls him into a tight embrace. They don't talk for a long time, merely holding together. Xiaobao is entirely content to listen to he sound of Huaien's rapid heartbeat, to feel his breathing, the flutter of his eyelashes when Huaien hides his face in Xiaobao's neck, getting his nose in under his nose and pulling in a harsh breath. His body seems to stutter, and his grip on Xiaobao trembles; Xiaobao, in turns, only clings tighter back.
They end up sitting on a bench, eventually.
"Would you love a monster?" asks Huaien into Xiaobao's neck.
Xiaobao says, "A cute monster, definitely. Don't you think bears are cute? I think I could love a bear."
"If you want a bear, I'll get you one," says Huaien. "But I mean---if a person kills your brother, would you still love them? Would you forgive them?"
"If my brother was doing something evil, yes." Xiaobao's brows furrow. He doesn't know what Huaien is getting at, but he's comfortable where he is and has nothing against playing along. He hums, and Huaien shivers, and Xiaobao rests his head on top of Huaien's, burrowing closer to him. His eyes are shut; he's soft and warm inside and out, and he doesn't want to move. Not a muscle. Just wants to stay here, holding and being held, and he exhales.
"If I hurt you, could you forgive me?" Huaien asks, then. Xiaobao doesn't know how much time later, but he's almost dozing. He twitches, and opens his eyes. Tries to look down at Huaien, to read his expression, but Huaien is still hiding.
"Of course," Xiaobao says, and Huaien shudders. His grip on Xiaobao tightens. Xiaobao is happy to let him be, and he hums again, shutting his eyes and folding himself back in. This is---great, he thinks, and doesn't move.
Huaien makes a noise like a dying whale---not that Xiaobao knows what that means, but Xiaoyu always calls it that when he yawns---when Xiaobao has to pull back. Xiaobao studies his face, but it doesn't look like Huaien has been crying. He just looks---hollowed out, a bit. Frowning, Xiaobao rests his hand on Huaien's cheek, rubs his thumb over the soft, warm skin, and Huaien blinks, his gaze hazy and dazed as he looks back at Xiaobao. Xiaobao pinches his cheek.
Hissing, Huaien draws his head back, out of Xiaobao's hand, and Xiaobao pouts. Huaien sighs, but then he smiles and it's like the sun rising over the horizon, painting the streets and rooftops orange and yellow and pink, and Xiaobao's heart squeezes, skips a beat, thunders in his ears as it speeds up in rhythm. He grins right back at Huaien, pleased that Huaien seems to feel better, and he teases. "I'll forgive you if you hurt me, so you'll forgive me if I hurt you, too, right?" and blinks, eyes wide.
"I will," promises Huaien, and he rests their foreheads together, staring deep into Xiaobao's eyes. Xiaobao stares right back into his, and when he breathes, he thinks he's inhaling Huaien's very air.
It's an intoxicating thought.
Xiaobao doesn't see Huaien for two days, then. Xiaobao's mother says Huaien is busy; the Emperor is throwing some sort of party, and so of course Huaien is busy. As Spy Master, he must have a lot of work to do for the party---even Xiaobao knows men's lips are loser with liquor on their breath and pretty women on their arms. It only makes sense that it's a prime opportunity for Huaien to find information. Xiaobao nods and accepts is mother's words. Though it makes him sad to not see Huaien, he also doesn't want to cause trouble for him, so he dutifully stays in his courtyard and plays with Xiaoyu.
Xiaoyu is a delight to play with, so it's hardly a hardship. Xiaobao has a good time with her, and when Jinbao and Zhaocai join in as well, hours pass without him noticing. Still, he looks toward the doors every once in a while; like Huaien is going to sweep in and smile at him and invite him to a meal or something. He can't help it---Xiaobao goes hot inside at the mere thought of Huaien, much less when he imagines doing something with him, whether that's talking, or eating, or kissing.
And he imagines a lot.
Blushing, Xiaobao rubs his cheeks until it goes away, shakes his head, and refocuses on the game of hide and seek they're playing. He's doing his best to hide, but there's not a lot of places for that when one isn't small enough to fit into the cupboards and not trained enough to climb into the rafters. Not that Xiaobao isn't trained! He keeps in shape! He's vaguely familiar with using a sword! Su Yin has bullied him into learning how to use a knife to defend himself!
Anyway, so Xiaobao isn't very surprised when he blinks and Xiaoyu pops up in front of him, frowning at him with her arms crossed over her chest. "You didn't even try," she accuses, and Xiaobao nods. She studies him, then sighs. "Gege, let's have cake."
So they have cake.
In the end, he doesn't see Huaien again until the night of the party. It's the biggest party Xiaobao has ever attended, or will be once he gets in, anyway. That part seems to loom further and further out of reach, as his father and mother insist on dressing him up to the nines. They fix him up with makeup, and fiddle with his jewelry, replacing one for the other until they've gone through both his and his mother's arsenal twice. They are, he thinks, each twice as nervous as he is. But Xiaobao is a good son, and he lets them coddle him, pull him into one outfit after another.
When they're finally satisfied, he's sparkling like a fairy. Xiaobao twists and turns between them, and his mother has her hands over her mouth, and his father has tears in his eyes. "Are you sure?" Xiaobao's father asks. "You can still back out, Xiaobao."
"I'm sure," Xiaobao says. It seems kind of late to back out of the party, after all this effort his parents have put in---even Xiaoyu helped out, giving her opinions on absolutely everything while munching on melon seeds---but he appreciates the offer. "But it's fine!" His father sighs, and his mother pats his back, pulling him into a tight hug that forces the breath out of his very lungs. Xiaobao hugs her back, warm and cozy, and together---sans only Xiaoyu, but it's an adults-only party, apparently---they head to the party.
It is, easily, the most splendid, expensive party he's ever seen. He's never thought his Jin family was poor before, but they're truly nothing in front of the Emperor, are they? Xiaobao's eyes are wide as they walk further in, and there are so many important people here. He doesn't know who half of them are, but he thinks they must all be more important or more wealthy than his Jin family.
Why, he wonders, are they here?
Don't get him wrong! He loves that they're still here! This is where Huaien is, after all! But the Jin family is a speck of dust among this crowd, and he doesn't understand why the Emperor is still tolerating their presence. Is Huaien really that important?
...He must be, Xiaobao decides, and grins in pride.
"Where's Huaien?" he whispers to his mother, and she looks at him, eyes soft. She pats his head but doesn't say anything. Xiaobao looks back at her, blinking, and then the noise levels rise only to go abruptly silent.
As one, they bow before the Emperor.
Xiaobao looks up when everyone else does, and then he doesn't stop looking because, because, because---that's Huaien.
He can't think. His mother pulls him along, pulls him up to go meet the Emperor, meet Huaien and what, what, what. What is this? He doesn't understand. Is Huaien playing a part? Is he here as the Emperor's representative? But no, everyone is treating him as if he really is the, the, the. The Emperor. When Xiaobao glances around, he sees only people in awe of Huaien. As they should be, he thinks! But then he also thinks, what? What, what, what?
Why?
They stand before the Emperor, before Huaien, and Xiaobao's stomach is a mess of knot. It's painful, and it digs into his spine, and his lungs ache, quiver with every breath. He clenches his hands as he stares up at Huaien, and Huaien gazes down at him, shameless and devoid of apologies. He only looks at Xiaobao, and then he waves at a guard. Xiaobao flinches---he can't help. Huaien flinches, then, too. They both stare at each other, and the guard stares at them, and then the guard seems to make a decision.
He steps forth, and he gestures of Xiaobao to step up to the Emperor. Xiaobao does---he's not really sure how, his legs are trembling so much he can't feel them, and he feels sick, bile in the back of his throat. But he does.
Huaien stares at him the whole way, doesn't let him out of his sight. And when Xiaobao is in reach, Huaien grabs his hand, and Xiaobao can't even flinch. Just stares back. Huaien studies him, brows furrowed, and then he says, "You'll marry me, won't you?" and Xiaobao can only nod. He doesn't know what to say. What to do. Huaien pulls him close and hugs him, and the rest of the party is so silent he can hear the drop of a pin, his mother's startled, worried breaths, his father's terrorized wheezing.
Xiaobao stares over Huaien's shoulder, and his chest squeezes tight.
Huaien is still warm.
His hands are gentle on Xiaobao, and his heartbeat is a rapid thing in Xiaobao's ear. After a moment, Xiaobao hugs him back. It's a tentative thing, too, but Huaien inhales on a shudder like it's the most precious thing in the world, and Xiaobao lets his head rest on Huaien's shoulder. He forces a deep breath in and it cuts his throat like knives on the way down. But Huaien is still warm, and he holds Xiaobao gently, grip possessive; but it doesn't hurt him.
And Xiaobao---Xiaobao stays right where he is.