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Growing up was hard for Yuuri. Especially when his classmates had found out he did ice skating the bullying never let up. He had received lillies on his desk multiple times a week since elementary school. He had friends at the rink, but it was never the same. They were only friends because of their same interest in the sport.
He knew soulmates existed and he felt bad for whoever was his. The way soulmates worked was the first sentence they were to speak to you. His was “Would you like a commemorative photo?” it was such a stupid sentence it made him ashamed. He kept a bandage over the words on his wrist to save himself from the embarrassment.
He also knew that soulmates could feel the pain they inflict on themselves.
When Yuuri was in his final year of middle school his obsession with the skater, Victor Nikiforov, never dimmed. It only got stronger the more he fell in love with skating- and the skater-. He had started hurting himself at any time he could, but skating helped distract him from the life he was forced to live. The bullying never went away. He still got lillies on his desk, but he has learned to accept it. -He hasn’t accepted it. He just makes up for his feelings with hurting himself-.
Self destruction was his best friend and it wasn’t leaving him any time soon.
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After Yuuri graduated high school he decided to go to Detroit. He wanted needed to get out of there. There was no place for him in this life, he knew this yet he was still alive. He family cried as they sent him off at the airport. He also knew that he should be feeling sad about leaving his family behind, but this was for the best.
In college Yuuri met Phichit, his now best friend. Phichit was one of the sweetest people he had ever met, and also the only person who knew about some of his hardships. He never wanted to let his guard down, but there was something about him that helped him calm down.
Phichit met his soulmate when he was still in Thailand , a beautiful man about 3 years older than him. He treated Phichit with the love and affection he deserved. When he saw Yuuri’s scarred wrist his heart broke. The words raised along with the scars. They had cried together that night and it brought them closer than he had to anyone in his life.
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Celestino was an amazing coach to Yuuri. He didn’t really know how to comfort him, but he tried his best and that was all that mattered to Yuuri.
It wasn’t until he was in his last year of college lost on what life was. He still hadn’t met his soulmate and it made him go into a downward spiral. He had the Grand Prix Finals next week and there were cuts sliced deep into his soulmate's words on his wrist. He felt bad for whoever was on the receiving end of his pain but he just couldn’t stop. He knew he never would be able to.
“Yuuri, talk to me please.” Phichit begs after Yuuri has a panic attack in the middle of the night. His heart throbs as he looks up at Phichit. “I-It hurts Phichit. I can’t do it anymore, please don’t make me” Yuuri sobs out as Phichit hugs him. “It’s gonna be okay, Yuuri. You’re gonna be okay.” He says trying to soothe the boy. “I-I don’t want to get better” He says getting angry. He pulls away from the hug and stands up shakily exhaling as he walks back to his room.
Phichit knew Yuuri was getting worse, but he didn’t know what to do with the Grand Prix around the corner. He needed to snap Yuuri out of his breakdown. He just didn’t know how to. He settles his hands on his face and sighs. He knew Yuuri needed his soulmate before it was too late. Phichit stands up and quietly walks to Yuuri’s room knocking. He doesn’t get a response, but he knows that Yuuri would let him know if he couldn't go in.
He slowly walks to Yuuri’s bed and settles next to him, brushing the hair out of his face softly. “I need you to talk to me, Yuuri. I love you so much and it pains me to see you in so much pain all the time” He says a small amount of hurt in his voice as his heart pangs. Yuuri doesn’t say anything as he leans into Phichit’s touch.
They sit in silence for a while before Yuuri speaks. “How did you feel when you met your soulmate?” Yuuri asks, still in a daze. “It felt magical. I was on my way to the rink and I accidentally bumped into him causing him to spill his drink, and before I could even say anything he said ‘Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry. Are you alright?’ and then my arm started to tingle as the mark began to glow. I actually ended up skipping practice to hang out with him” Phichit smiles and giggles reminiscing on the event. He let Yuuri fidget with the ring on his finger.
“You’re soulmate will love you Yuuri” He says sure of it. “You sound so sure of that, Phichit.” Yuuri says, sighing as his heart squeezes painful in his chest. “It’s not hard to love you” Phichit ruffles his hair. Yuuri doesn’t say anything but a small good night while turning to roll the other way. “We’re all here for you, Yuuri” He says softly as he leaves the room. He waits at the door for a reply, but he knows he won’t get one. When he gets to his room he cries as he calls his soulmate.
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Yuuri can’t feel anything but hatred for himself. He stares at his wrist as he digs his nails into the day old cuts. He watches them bead with blood, zoning out. He never thought he deserved happiness, but sometimes he caught himself getting hopeful for a life he couldn’t have. He closes his eyes and falls into a restless sleep that he knows will leave him more tired than he was now.
When he wakes up the next day he feels the already impending headache hit him. He gets out of bed and goes to the bathroom to assess what he was working with. It was monday and they weren’t usually given a day off but since the Grand Prix was almost here their coach gave them a much needed day of rest. He can’t even say Monday’s were his hardest days because everyday was hard for him.
He quickly bandages his wrist before throwing on a long sleeve with sweatpants. He walks to the kitchen to see Phichit making the both of them tea. It had become a habit for him. Acts of service were his love language, which he had figured out when they first became friends. “Thanks Phi” He mumbles rubbing his eyes while accepting the cup of tea. He settles for having a banana, as that was most likely the only thing he could keep down.
As they head to the rink it was silent for the most part. Well if it didn’t count Phichit’s constant talking about the Grand Prix and his soulmate. Yuuri knew Phichit was trying to make him feel better. He adds his input when needed, but slowly sips the hot mug of tea in his hands.
Yuuri really enjoyed skating, don't get him wrong. It was just the fact of getting up everyday and having to live, having to move, or thinking. It was everything. He knew he lacked most things a normal human should have. He knew his family tried to put up with him. He knew Phichit just felt bad for him. Celestino was only helping because of the money he was getting paid. He knew his soulmate would never love him, only resenting him for the amount of pain he has been put through because of Yuuri.
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Now he’s on a flight to Sochi for the Grand Prix Finals. The same competition Victor was going to be in. He knew he didn’t have a chance of winning. He felt something bad was going to happen, but he always felt like that. He sighs as he sips the complimentary tea he was handed on the flight. Phichit wasn’t here anymore. No one to ground him in times like this.
Yuuri was also struggling because he couldn’t bring his blades across the country. He was itching to be in pain. With Celestino next to him he just sighs again and tries to sleep. When he wakes up, they are around 10 minutes from landing. He looks out the window and sees snow.
When they land, Yuuri and Celestino both walk towards their taxi. After they load in their suitcases they head off. “Yuuri,” Celestino says, looking at him. He can only hum as he thinks about the events that are going to take place in the next few days. Tomorrow was a free day, but Yuuri knew he’d be practicing all day. After arriving at the hotel Celestino had told him to make sure to eat dinner and that he had business to attend to, leaving Yuuri alone.
When Yuuri walks into the hotel to check in he sees a familiar white hair blue eyed man. His breath hitches as he keeps his head down, heading to the counter. He thanks the employee before quickly walking to his designated room. He sighs as he slumps down, finally making it inside his room.
If he wanted to relax he needed to go out and buy blades, or else the competition wasn’t going to happen. He sighs as he stands up again to change out of his clothes. He knew he needed to shower, but he could do that later. It was about 6 pm and it was dark out already. Winter hours were so short, even in the states. He huffs as he bundles himself into his jacket as much as he could. When he got into the lobby again he noticed the Russian man was still there. When Yuuri was walking he felt eyes on him, thinking he was paranoid he didn’t even look around but he had a gut feeling to turn around. When he did he was met with Victor’s eyes. Victor’s smile blinded Yuuri as he blushed and turned back around to leave again. He walks up to the front of the counter to ask for directions to the nearest convenience store. Once given, he walks out of the building as fast as he can following the map he was given.
When he arrives at the store he goes directly to the hygiene aisle. He knew he wasn’t going to be able to find single blades, so he opted for buying a multiple blade razor and just break it apart when he got back to his room. He can already feel the tension leaving his body when he purchases the new razor. He smiles as he clutches it to his chest and looks up at the sky. He really missed his dog. It had been so many years since he had seen the fluffball. He’d have to call home soon to see him soon.
When walking back to the hotel, he notices a bridge that he must have missed when walking to the store. He holds onto the railing as he looks down. It was so far down. Maybe he should try- he shakes his head. “Not yet” Yuuri whispers to himself, carefully slapping his cheek to shake himself out of whatever that was. He slides his hand over the cuts and rubs them. Celestino never noticed them, thankfully, but Phichit had.
He shivers as he thinks of when Phichit had a breakdown when he had seen Yuuri’s wrists. Yuuri never really took his self harm as a bad thing. It was just a coping mechanism that helped him stay alive. How was it bad? Yuuri had comforted Phichit as he tried to tell him it wasn’t a big deal, but Phichit only cried harder at that. He tried to make Yuuri promise to never do it again, but Yuuri couldn’t make a promise he would break that night. He has a lot of scars on his thighs since he used to hide it better, but because he wasn’t close with his family in high school he started to not care about how the cuts would scar. He actually wanted the scars, really bad.
It took Phichit a while to fully calm down as Yuuri made tea for him. They came up with an agreement that if Yuuri ever felt like this again then he would go to Phichit for support.
But the only problem was that it was an everyday problem, and he couldn’t burden Phichit with the idea of him hurting himself everyday. Instead he went to him every other week, trying not to seem like he was in a constant slow spiral down. Which it did, but the guilt of lying to his friend hurt him more than it should’ve.
When he arrives at his hotel room he takes off his snow jacket to hang it before walking over to his bed. He sits down as he takes a pair of scissors from his hotel room to pry open the razor in front of him. He struggled with the packaging, trying to pop it open. Just as he was about to give up, he was successful as one of the blades popped out onto his thigh. He smiled. Originally he was going for his wrist, but something about his thigh was calling his name.
He didn’t resist the urge as he took off his pants and let them fall to the ground. He slides his underwear up just enough to where he could see the rest of the scars laying in a neat line. He puts the blade down aggressively and slowly swipes it, feeling his skin get caught on the new blade. His body shudders at the sparks of pain shooting up his leg. He repeats it for a while before being fully satisfied. He lets the blade fall onto his thigh as he lays back onto his bed. This was the first time he has been able to clearly think in a very long time.
He decides on going on a run as he dresses into workout clothes. He’ll eat when he gets back. It’s about 8 pm, so there shouldn’t be any paparazzi or other players around. He swiftly grabs his headphones and walks out the door. He stretches while in the elevator. He hasn’t felt this alive in so long, it felt good.
On his run he encounters the bridge again but he doesn’t stop for it this time, next time. In the distance he sees the white haired man again. For the third time in the span of 4 hours. He groans as he crosses the street to continue his run for another 2 miles. Celestino told Yuuri that he was supposed to rest tonight, but he couldn’t sit still. He didn’t know why.
An hour later he arrived back at the hotel and ordered room service before he showered. He finally checked his phone as he was drying his hair. As he figured, Phichit had called and texted him multiple times. He sighs as he calls him back.
“Hello?” Yuuri says. “Yuuri? I told you to text me when you landed” Phichit says. “Sorry Phichit. It’s been so hectic and I just got back from a run” He says, standing up as the doorbell rings. “I thought Celestino told you to rest today, Yuuri. You sound relaxed right now. What happened?” Phichit says suspicious of what happened. “Nothing happened, Phichit.” He deflects. “I’m gonna hang up, I need to eat.” He adds. Phichit sighs “Alright Yuuri. Text me in the morning” With that Yuuri hung up, setting his phone to the side.
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His alarm goes off at 6 am. Yuuri groans as he turns it off, slowly sitting up in his bed. He rubs his eyes as he gets out of bed, he walks into the bathroom and brushes his teeth. He turns on the kettle in the room and starts getting dressed for practice. It technically didn’t start until 9, but he wanted a headstart before -victor- anyone else got there. After sliding his shoes on he walks back over to the whistling kettle and pours it into his to-go mug. He adds a packet of sugar while texting Phichit telling him he was awake. It was around 1:30 pm in Phichits time, so he knew he was going to be awake.
Right after texting him, Phichit’s name lit up on the screen. Yuuri clicks accept and walks out the door with his skate bag in one hand and his tea in the other. “Good morning Yuuri,” Phichit says, sounding happy. “Morning Phi” He says, smiling slightly. “You sound happy, what happened?” Phichit exclaims. “Nothing Phichit. I’m just on the way to the rink” Yuuri smiles. “I thought your practice didn’t start till 9?” He questions. “It doesn’t, I just wanted some time to myself before interacting with people” He says.
Phichit laughs again. “That does sound like something you’d do. Okay I need to hang up now, but I’ll text you soon.” Phichit adds on saying goodbye. Yuuri says his goodbye and they hang up. Yuuri arrives at the rink right when they hang up. Thankfully it looked empty. He signed himself in at the front then headed to the rink.
He slides his skates on after he finishes the last of his tea. Yuuri puts in his earphones and plays soft classical music. Something he always liked doing before a competition, it had always calmed him down. He glides across the ice, softly turning with the instruments of the song. People always told him that he looked like he was playing a song while he danced. He also orchestrated his feelings into his skating as a coping mechanism.
When the song changes into a more up tempo beat, he feels himself turning with more passion doing a double axel straight into a double lutz. He feels himself laughing as he had the most fun since he first started skating. Letting himself go completely he goes with the music and continues doing jumps. He ends with a spin, panting and smiles as he catches his breath. He lays down on the ice and lets himself relax.
He flinches when he hears clapping through the music. He takes out his earphones as he looks over to see who it was. His breath hitches as he spots the white haired Russian man. Victor Nikiforov. “Your skating is so captivating” Victor says, still clapping. He smiles when they meet eyes. Yuuri’s breath hitches as he scrambles to pull off the fabric of his jacket revealing the words ‘your skating is so captivating’ on the scarred skin. His heart beats faster as he struggles to stand. “Y-Your my soulmate?” He says astonished.
He hears Victor gasp as he checks his wrist. Both of the pairs' wrists were glowing brightly. No no no no. This wasn’t supposed to happen. “N-no you- you can’t be my soulmate. I was never supposed to find mine” He gasps out as he hurriedly changes into his normal shoes. “W-wait Yuuri. We need to talk about this” Victor says, scrambling after him. “Please forget this happened Victor” Yuuri says running out of the building. He needed to call Phichit about this. Fuck he was having such a good day today. He fumbles with his phone as he calls Phichit. He picks up after the second ring.
“Yuuri?” Phichit says, confused. “I-I found my soulmate” Yuuri gasps out. “That’s amazing Yuuri-” Phichit exclaims happily before getting cut off. “It’s Victor Nikiforov” He says, desperately gasping for air. The line on the other end goes completely quiet. “V-Victor? As in the world renowned ice skater, Victor?” Phichit doesn’t even sound like he believes him, but who could blame him. “I was skating this morning a-and I heard clapping so I took out my earphones and I saw Victor, h-he was clapping and told me my skating was so captivating” Yuuri coughs. “Alright Yuuri take some deep breaths. You need to calm down” Phichit says, calmly. “A-And my soulmate mark started lighting up t-then I just panicked as I took off my skates and ran off” Yuuri says, ashamed. “I-I told him that he can’t be my soulmate. Phichit I fucked up” Yuuri cries out. “It’s going to be okay, Yuuri. I promise. You have every right to be confused and upset. He has been your idol basically your entire life” Phichit tries to comfort him.
“B-But this means he has been on the receiving end of my pain, Phichit. How am I supposed to explain to him that I slash my wrists open whenever I have a mental breakdown” Yuuri says, getting panicked again. “Yuuri! Listen to my voice. You need to breathe. It’ll be okay. Everything will work out the way it is supposed to. I promise” Phichit calmly adds as he hears Yuuri’s breath slowly come down. “Keep breathing” He adds. “P-Phichit, what do I do?” Yuuri says as his breathing finally becomes even again. “You need to focus on yourself right now. He will come to you” Phichit seems to know what he was talking about so Yuuri lets himself sag on the bench he had found earlier. “I-I need to go Phichit. I’ll call you later” Yuuri says. “Alright Yuuri. Take care of yourself” Phichit can only sigh when he hangs up the phone.
Yuuri starts walking back to his hotel room as he had about an hour and a half until he needed to be back at the rink for practice. He needed this time to reconcile with his brain again, and figure out what he was going to do about Victor. Yuuri was going to see him at the practice, there was no way around seeing him. They were at different times with Yuuri at 9 am and Victor at 11 am. He had a two hour gap to skate then he had to leave really fast and most likely not leave him room again for the day.
When he arrives at his hotel room he huffs as he slumps onto the bed. He really needed to hurt himself, but with his discovery of Victor as his soulmate, he couldn’t do it to him. As he lays on his back he holds his wrist up and looks at the still sparkling words. Whatever magic it was doing to him, it was healing his scars. Yuuri watches horrified as the scars he had worked so hard for vanished into thin air. He scrambles into a sitting position and starts to panic. He worked hard to cover his soulmate tattoo and it’s all gone. Oh god what was he going to do? He swipes a thumb over the abnormally smooth skin. No scabs or scars in sight. All of a sudden he was light headed and he passed out.
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When Yuuri comes to, he puts a hand over his eyes at the new found headache he has. Did he pass out? Suddenly the events of what happened in the morning flood back to Yuuri. He quickly checks the time and it reads 8:30 am. He sighs. Thank god he wasn’t late for practice. He goes into the bathroom and splashes water on his face before grabbing his bag and water. He really should eat but he can’t. He’ll eat whatever Celestino forces on him later.
Yuuri arrives at the rink at about 8:50, which he usually likes to be half an hour early to stretch but he’ll take what he can get. He finds himself thinking back to the bridge and how peaceful it was. He shakes his head while standing up. “Yuuri” He hears. He turns his head to see his coach, Celestino. Yuuri smiles slightly while greeting him. “You look like you didn’t rest last night, are you alright?” His coach questions. “It was just a long morning, don't worry” Yuuri sighs as he steps onto the ice. “Alright then. Let’s work on your steps sequence first, and we can get to jumps later if you feel better” Celestino adds, patting his back. “Thank you” Yuuri meant it too.
Practicing has always helped get Yuuri’s mind off things. He works on his spins while adding in his step sequences. Celestino approves of him doing the jumps, so he moves into the two jump sets. He only does double spins to keep himself from overexerting. He lets himself fall into the music as he finishes his jumps. Celestino praises him as he gets water. He has about 45 minutes left until practice is finished. He wipes his forehead and stands up slightly stretching. He took off his jacket as now he had no scars to hide anymore. Celestino seems to notice the still glowing words on his arm. “Yuuri, did you find your soulmate?” Celestino gasps. Yuuri nods slightly while sighing. “Do you know who it is?” He questions him. Yuuri nods but doesn’t say more. He gets back onto the ice and goes back into his routine. Trying to forget his coach’s question.
Around 15 minutes before he practice ended he saw a familiar white haired man again. He internally groans as he can feel his eyes on him. Trying his best to focus on himself he does his jump sequences. He finishes early and heads off the ice to stretch. “Are you done, Yuuri?” Celestino questions. Yuuri nods as he takes his skates off.
When Celestino is helping Yuuri stretch, Victor walks up to them. “Yuuri…” He says, sounding a little uncomfortable. Yuuri slightly looks up at the man and he looks hurt. Celestino seems to read the room as Victor nods at him politely. “Make sure you eat today, Yuuri. I’ll see you tonight” Celestino bids himself off. Leaving the two of them in an uncomfortable silence.
“Yuuri,” Victor says, breaking the silence. “Y-yes, Victor?” Yuuri gulps as he knows what is coming. “Why did you run away?” Victor asks, sitting down to stretch next to him. “U-um, it’s a long story. I-It’s complicated” He says digging his nails into his thighs. He hears Victor hiss in pain as he grabs Yuuri’s hands to stop him. “Please stop hurting yourself.” Victor exclaims. Yuuri slowly lets go of the skin under his nails and stares at Victor. “I’m sorry for causing you pain for so long, Victor” Yuuri says as his lower lip trembles. “Yuuri, I’m not upset about that. I’m upset about the fact that you’ve been hurting yourself. Does anyone even know?” Victor asks, concerned. Yuuri’s eyes widened as this wasn’t the reaction he was expecting. He looks down at his feet as he plays with his thumbs. “I-I won’t do it again, s-so you don’t need to worry. You should go practice now, I need to go” He swiftly grabs his stuff and stands up.
“Lets get dinner tonight” Now Victor just sounds desperate. Yuuri couldn’t blame him though, he just met his soulmate and he wants to get to know him. “Alright Victor” Yuuri sighs and smiles softly. He gives him his number and leaves.
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When Yuuri arrives back at his room, he sees a missed call from Phichit so he decides to call him back. “Yuuri?” Phichit says, seemingly just waking up. “Sorry, did I wake you up, Phi?” He says taking his shoes off. “It’s alright. I had to get up eventually. I just wanted to know how you were doing?” He asks. “All of my scars healed Phichit” Yuuri was still confused. “...What?” The line was silent for a while. “I-I don’t know Phichit. I was laying down and all of a sudden my soulmate tattoo was glowing so bright and all the scars faded, even the newer ones. T-They’re all gone Phichit” He begins to sob. “A-all my hard work to cover it up is gone just because I met him. I shouldn’t have come here. I should be d-dead” He rubs his eyes hard as he slaps himself.
“uuri-” He hears while he sobs into his hands. He should be dead not here. Yuuri hangs up the phone while quickly standing. He wipes his eyes as he puts on his glasses and a jacket. He only brings his room key as he runs out the door, desperate to get away from everything. Everything was too much and he wasn’t enough.
When Yuuri made it out of the hotel, he was about to sprint in the direction of the bridge when he heard his name being called. He desperately wipes his eyes before looking up, seeing Victor, again. “W-What are you doing here?” Yuuri asks, clearing his throat. “Are you alright?” Victor was concerned. Of course he was concerned for the person he was supposed to spend the rest of his life with. Yuuri tries to will his heart to stop beating so fast, but it only leaves him stumbling from holding his breath for too long. “Hey! What’s wrong?” He asks again. “Nothing” Yuuri manages out again as he is barely able to stand. Victor catched him before he was able to fall. He picks him up in a swift motion, as if he weighed nothing.
“P-Put me down” Yuuri mutters, weakly hitting Victor’s chest. Victor doesn’t say anything as he walks into the hotel. “What is your room number?” He asks, pushing the elevator button. “403” He says, sighing in defeat. Yuuri wipes his eyes as he feels the tiredness coming back.
When they arrive back at Yuuri’s room, he fully expects Victor to just set him down and leave. The only time he lets Yuuri move was to open the door. “You can go Victor,” Yuuri says, ashamed of his earlier events. “Have you eaten today?” Victor asks. Yuuri acts like he doesn’t hear the question, he only pushes himself on the Russian skater and lays on the bed. “I’m gonna sleep,” Yuuri says. He feels the bed dip slightly next to him as he curls into a ball. He feels Victor brush the hair out of his face and he leans into it. “Can you shower? You can sleep after you eat some food.” Victor says, softly. Yuuri contemplates the sentence and agrees reluctantly.
When he stands up he vision blackens while standing up too fast. “Ugh” He holds his head in his hands as he falls back onto the bed. There was a hand on his back as fast as he was sitting down. “I-I’m okay, just stood up too fast” He rubs his temples as he attempts to stand again.
When he walks into the bathroom, the razor from the night before is sitting on the counter. He pauses and continues staring. He wants to cut, so so bad” He gulps as his hands start to shake. Victor walks in after seeing him pause and notices the singular blade on the counter. “Would you like me to throw this away, Yuura?” Victor questions, putting a hand on his back. Yuuri can only nod as the thoughts never leave his head. Victor quickly grabs the razor and turns on the shower for him. “If you need anything else I’m just outside the door, alright?” He says softly.
What did Yuuri do to deserve such an amazing soulmate? Before Victor could walk out he was caught in a hug. Yuuri wraps his arms around Victor and squeezes. “Thank you for being so patient, Victor. I-I know I’m your soulmate, but you’re so nice to me, so just- thank you” Yuuri says muffled into Victor’s shirt. Victor can only blush as he hugs him back. “I-I’m gonna order food now, do you have any preferences?” Victor asks, walking to the phone. “Nothing heavy, it’s hard for me to keep food down the day before a competition” Yuuri says, closing the door. Victor would ask him about it.
When he got into the shower he sat down and stared at the wall in front of him. Everything was happening suddenly. How did this happen? He wasn’t supposed to be alive anymore. The salty tears mix with the water dripping down his face. He tucks his face into his knees and cries. That’s all he seems to be doing nowadays. He wishes he never survived any of his attempts. He never would’ve had to meet his soulmate, maybe he’d be able to rest if he just closed his eyes for a while.
Yuuri was broken out of his trance when he heard knocking on the door. “Food is here, Yuuri” He hears Victor’s muffled voice. He shakes his head, trying to clear away the thoughts he knew were never going away. He feels his heart pang when he is drying himself off. Victor would never love him. He has always been unloveable. He dresses in his clothes and slowly walks out. His heart was still panging, painfully.
The food is placed on the table in the corner with Victor waiting for him. When he notices Yuuri, he smiles and stands up. “Would you like me to dry your hair?” He offers. Yuuri just shakes his head. “It’s alright, thank you. We should eat” He tries his best to avoid physical touch with the perfectly perfect male in front of his eyes. The food Victor has chosen was fairly light thank goodness. Yuuri eats a salad with no dressing on it. “Wouldn’t you like dressing, Yuuri?” Victor asks, god Yuuri loved how he said his name. “I don’t use dressing, how do you think I stay skinny?” Yuuri laughs. Victor didn’t seem to find it funny though. They eat in a semi uncomfortable silence for the rest of dinner.
It startles him when Victor stands up, going to the bathroom. He sees Victor come back out and sit on his bed holding something. Yuuri turns around, curious and sees a blowdryer. Victor pats the bed next to him. He was about to decline, but Victor seemed to read his mind. “Come” He pats the bed again. Yuuri pouts as he sits down beside him. It feels so good as Victor gently runs his hand through his hair. He feels his eyes close at the feeling. He hums as he leans back more, his hands sliding back accidentally bumping into Victor's leg. He apologizes as he removes it, but he feels a hand keeping it in place. He blushes as he turns around to see Victor blushing too. “I-I like when you touch me.” He stutters out, flustered. “You like when I touch you?” Yuuri asks, more like asking himself if he heard him correctly. Victor nods while not taking his hand away from Yuuris.
They don’t speak as they keep eye contact. Victor was mesmerized by Yuuri’s eyes. They were perfect, golden brown. He brings hand to cup Yuuri’s face, caressing his cheekbone with his thumb. He can see Yuuri gulp at the tension. “Can I kiss you?” Victor asks, suddenly. Victor knew it was sudden, but something about Yuuri pulled him in like a riptide at midnight. “I’ve never kissed anyone,” Yuuri admits, embarrassed. “I’ll teach you, just follow my lead” Victor adds to reassure him. Yuuri finally nods and Victor leans in carefully. Their lips softly hit as Victor repositions himself to be closer. He carefully locks their lips as Yuuri clumsily follows along. Victor pulls away to see Yuuri blushing and breathing softly. He can see the want and nervousness in his eyes. “M-more” Yuuri mutters, not looking away from the man in front of him. Victor leans in for a second time and this time Yuuri was ready. Yuuri puts his arms around his neck and moves closer to him. Victor places a hand on his lower back, guiding him.
Victor smiles into the kiss when he feels Yuuri get more desperate. He pulls away much to Yuuri’s dismay. “Why did you stop?” Yuuri pouts. “That’s enough, Yuuri.” Victor says, panting. Yuuri flops down onto his back and catches his breath. “Rest now we have a big day tomorrow.” Victor says, standing up to leave. “Are you leaving?” Yuuri asks, not wanting him to. “Would you like me to stay?” Victor laughs slightly. Yuuri nods shyly, not making eye contact. “Let me shower and change, I’ll be back, alright?” Victor says, ruffling his hair. “Okay” Yuuri says, smiling.
When Victor leaves, Yuuri hurriedly checks his phone after leaving Phichit hanging earlier. He had around 10 missed calls and 25 texts from his Thai friend. Yuuri presses the call button and sighs, not wanting to have this conversation right now. “Yuuri Katsuki, what is wrong with you? Y-You can't’ just run off like that on me, I thought you were dead!” Phichit yells half mad, half scared. Yuuri knows he cares for him which is why he feels so bad about this. “I’m sorry Phichit, I wasn’t in the right state of mind” He pauses momentarily getting his thoughts into order. “Um- when I ran out of the hotel, I had every intention of going to that bridge and- ah nevermind. When I left the hotel I ran into Victor. I don’t remember much, but I think I almost passed out, so he carries me to my room a-and he’s going to sleep over.” Yuuri rambles out. The line was silent for a while before he heard a sigh. “I’m glad you are alright, Yuuri. We need to talk about this when you come back to Detroit. There is no avoiding it this time. You said he was sleeping over? How? Why?” Phichit talks as fast as Yuuri.
Yuuri regrets telling Phichit the truth, but he was going to find out regardless of whether he would’ve liked him to or not. Yuuri decides to change the subject. “I need to go, he will be back soon. I’ll talk to you in the morning Phi” Yuuri says. “Alright alright. Thank you for calling me Yuuri. I love you, I mean it” Phichit says. They both smile as they hang up.
Yuuri hears a knock at the door about 15 minutes after hanging up the phone. He opens it revealing a very clean looking Victor. “Hi Yuura” Victor smiles. “Hi Victor” Yuuri says, stepping to the side. Victor kisses him on the forehead while walking in. Yuuri just blushes and stands still. “Let’s go to bed, we have a big day tomorrow” Victor says, already laying down in bed. Yuuri wordlessly walks over to the bed and sits in it. “U-Um thank you for earlier Victor. I wasn’t exactly in the best head space” Yuuri scratches the back of his neck, nervously. “I don’t know if I can forget what happened, but I’m not going to push you to tell me” Victor says, softly as he places a hand on Yuuris.
Yuuri feels his eyes burn as he nods. Victor was so nice to him. He tries to tell himself that it’s just because he is his soulmate, but it goes through one ear and out the other. He lays down next to Victor and closes his eyes. He feels Victor pull him closer and he melts into it. His hand rests on Victor’s chest as he feels Victor play with his hair. Yuuri’s heart was beating so fast, how was he supposed to sleep? This was too much. Victor was so warm compared to the frozen night. He nuzzles his head closer to Victor. “You’re so cute,” He hear Victor say. Yuuri’s head shoots up to look at the man. “W’What?” He blushes intensely. Victor laughs as he ruffles his hair. “I know you heard me. Go back to sleep” He smiles warmly at him. “How am I supposed to sleep with you so close to me?” Yuuri’s hand never left Victor’s chest.
“You’re so beautiful, Yuura.” Victor says, stroking his lip with his thumb. “Stop” He mumbles, looking down. Victor only gets closer to Yuuri. He kisses Yuuri’s cheek softly, which causes him to quickly look back at the blue eyed beauty in front of him. He gulps when he sees the tint of red on Victor’s cheeks. Yuuri doesn’t know what came over him as he presses a kiss to Victor’s lips. It seems to take him by surprise. Victor’s jaw drops slightly as he touches them. “Yuura, how am I supposed to hold back when you’re this cute.” He whines as he hugs Yuuri, peppering kisses on his neck sporadically. “Victor, it tickles stop” Yuuri laughs as he tries to push off of him.
Except now Yuuri was under Victor as he sucks spots on his collarbones. “V-Victor” He shudders out a moan at the newfound feeling. He quickly covers his mouth as Victor stops to look at him. Now they are both blushing. “W-We should sleep now” Yuuri clears his throat. “Uh- yeah” Victor adds, face completely flushed.
Yuuri is woken up by an alarm. He sits up and yawns, stretching the sleep out of his muscles. He looks over to see Victor already awake. “Good morning, Yuura” Victor smiles as he kisses his cheek. “Good morning” Yuuri holds his cheek, blushing.
Yuuri feels more anxious the more time goes on these mornings. It usually went like this on days of competition. He tried not to eat too much on these days since he felt heavier than usual. He lays down on Victor’s chest and sighs. Victor wraps his arms around Yuuri and kisses his forehead. “Stop Victor” Yuuri whines. Victor laughs and pulls him closer. “I need to get ready,” Yuuri says, trying to escape his grip. “Why so early?” Victor questions. “I have a strict regime on competition days,” Yuuri says, stretching when Victor released him. “How so?” Victor was too curious for his own good. “I just need a specific routine for me to be able to function. I mean you saw how I was yesterday, I’m a walking time bomb” he rubs his face, frustrated. “Have you ever talked to a therapist about this?” Victor asks. Yuuri doesn’t know what sets him off, but he feels a thrum of anger run through his veins. “Don’t act like you know me, Victor” He says angrily, standing up.
That seems to take Victor off guard at the sudden mood change. Yuuri digs his nails into his palm. “I’m sorry Yuura. I didn’t mean to overstep, please stop hurting yourself” Victor says, softly trying to de-escalating the situation before it gets out of hand. “What do you need from me Yuuri? I’ll do what I can to help you, I promise” Victor adds softly, placing a hand over Yuuri’s fingernail dented palm. “I usually have a panic attack right before and then I hug my coach. That’s all that helps me pretty much” Yuuri shrugs.
“You’ve been suffering all this long and you’re just fine with it?” Victor was astonished at what his soulmate was saying. “Well I’m just used to things like this happening so..” Yuuri trails off trying to explain to himself. “I want you to come to me when you feel like this today, alright” Victor says, kissing him on his nose. Yuuri was shocked. “W-What do you mean? Shouldn’t we act like we don’t know each other?” Yuuri questions, leaving Victor confused. “We’re soulmates, shouldn’t the world know?” He asks, nonchalantly. “Your fans would kill me Victor,” Yuuri laughs. “W-well then they don’t need to know, but please we can still act like friends right?” Victor was pleading. “Alright- okay Victor” Yuuri pouts slightly.
“Would you like me to stay a little longer or do you need to be alone?” Victor asks, placing a hand on Yuuri’s thigh. “You can stay a little longer,” Yuuri says, turning away flustered. “What was that? Sorry I didn’t quite hear you.” Victor teases. Yuuri looks back at him and lightly slaps his chest, but Victor keeps his hand there. “Victor” Yuuri whines. Victor smiles and pulls him onto his chest while laying down. Yuuri sighs and nuzzles into his chest more. Victor plays with his hair while looking down at him. He got lucky having a soulmate like Yuuri.
Yuuri was at the rink stretching when he could feel Victor staring at him, so he turned around and smiled. Victor blushes and looks away after offering a small wave. Yuuri laughs slightly and stands up, walking right past Victor. “Try hiding it a little bit better,” Yuuri teased while subtly rubbing a hand along his back. He walks away pretending nothing happened as Victor was dumb founded. Yuuri walked into the bathroom and went to the sink to splash water in his face. He sees the silver haired man enter moments later. “Victor?” He asks. “Yuuri, you’re so mean. How could you do that to me?” Victor pouts as he approaches him. Yuuri laughs as he turns around to face him. Victor rests his head on his shoulder as he sighs. “How am I supposed to compose myself around you when you act like this?” He asks, muffled into his shoulder still. “Mm I don’t know what you’re talking about Victor. I thought it was a normal exchange” Yuuri had yet to change into his costume as he had a surprise. For everyone actually, not just Victor. He hadn’t told anyone about it yet, except for Phichit.
“When are you changing into your costume?” Victor asks, lifting his head. “It’s a surprise!” He laughs. “Yuuri” Victor whines. He kisses him on the lips. “V-Victor we can't,” Yuuri says, between kisses. Victor doesn’t stop. “Not until you tell me what it is,” Victor says, not pulling away. They were interrupted by a voice over the speakers. “All skaters report to the ice in 10 minutes” The intercom says. Victor seems to realize that he has to stop and he huffs. “I’ll show you on the ice Victor. Watch me skate for you” Yuuri lets a hand run up Victor’s chest. Victor’s heart skipped too many beats to be normal. “Okay” He says with newfound motivation. “I’ll see you on the ice then” He kisses Yuuri’s cheek and walks out smiling. Yuuri shakes his head and holds his cheek.
He was nervous to show everyone what he and Phichit had come up with. Hoping everyone would like it, especially Victor. He walks out of the bathroom and into his changing room. He had brought 2 different costumes to wear. Both were black, but one of them had lace flowy sleeves that Yuuri had cut to use as the fabric. He sewed the lace onto the chest area and his lower back. He added iridescent spray onto the lace to give it more depth. He had never shown his arms for obvious reasons, but he didn’t have that reason anymore. Now he was left with his glowing tattoo to show off.
While putting it on, he was so happy. He looked so good, Yuuri had a newfound confidence that was so new he was scared. When he heard the announcement that the ice was ready to skate on he took a deep breath and put on a jacket over his costume. He took off his skate guards and glided across the ice. He saw Victor out of the corner of his eye. He skated backwards near him and took a sharp cutaway from him. He could tell Victor wanted to talk to him, but he wouldn’t let him. They both smiled as they warmed up
Yuuri hears them announcing when everyone will be going. His jaw drops when he hears Victor was second to last and Yuuri was last. That means he has more time to prepare. He silently thanked the gods for not making him go first, though the last wasn’t much better. Victor and Yuuri make eye contact and nod at each other. He returns to his room and continues stretching and practicing his routine. He realized how calm he was. Was this the effect of having someone there for you, or was it because it was Victor? He wouldn’t truly know, but he didn’t mind. As long as Victor was by his side he didn’t mind.
He hears the routine before Victor's end, so he gets up and heads to the edge of the rink. He blushes at how pretty Victor looked. Victor smiled so brightly at Yuuri as he skated. “This is a new side of Victor we have never seen!” The commentators mention. “Wait a second- It looks like his wrist is glowing. Did he find his soulmate?” They add on, making the crowd go crazy. Yuuri wondered how they even saw it as only the bottom half was showing. He just laughed and admired how pretty he was. It made him nervous to have to perform after him, but also excited to show off his new look. The crowd roars as Victor’s performance ends.
Yuuri walks to the entrance of the ice and turns towards Celestino. He takes a deep breath and hugs him. When he pulls away he shakes his limbs out. The crowd roars again as Victor gets 225.7 a personal record and a world record. Yuuri sees Victor run up to the edge of the rink. He smirks as he begins to unzip his jacket. He maintains eye contact as he pulls it off of his shoulders and down his arms. He hands the jacket to Celestino whose jaw had dropped. “Lastly for this group, we have Katsuki Yuuri from Japan- wait is this a new costume? We haven’t seen a new look from Katsuki since his debut” The commentators were surprised, for obvious reasons.
Yuuri skates to his starting spot and does his pose. As the music starts he turns his head and winks at Victor who whistles, catching the attention of others around them. He steps into a flawless routine into a triple lux. As he lands his arms fly out, revealing his glowing tattoo. “This newfound confidence in Katsuki Yuuri is beautiful!” And wait- has he found his soulmate as well? Is this a coincidence?” The crowd and commentators roared. His costume flutters like a beautiful fish swimming.
‘Did skating always feel this good?’ Yuuri thinks to himself. He steps into a perfect step creating a beautiful triple toe to a double quad. He spins right before landing into his finishing pose. His breathing was heavy as he looked around the arena. The crowd was louder than he had ever heard. There were teddy bears and flowers being thrown on the rink. He smiles and waves before bowing. He sees Victor at the entrance of the ice and skates to him. Victor has his arms open as he waits at the end. He jumps into Victor’s arms as he laughs. Yuuri kisses him before hugging him again. “Are we witnessing a moment in history?” The commenter asks. “You look so beautiful in your new costume, Yuura.” Victor says, running a hand down his arm before stopping on the tattoo.
Yuuri jumps down and hugs him once more before putting his skate guards on. “Thank you Victor, I could say the same, but I need to go, but I’ll see you soon” Yuuri says, walking towards Celestino who was still shocked at what just happened. “Yuuri that was amazing” Celestino couldn’t seem to find the words to describe it. They sit on the couch and wait for the score. He takes a deep breath and closes his eyes anxiously. He hears the crowd roaring again and he opens his eyes. The screen read 226.3 wait- “Katsuki Yuuri surprises us again with getting a pb and a world record!” They say. Yuuri stands up surprised. “A-Am I dreaming?” Yuuri pinches his face as he cries. “Ladies and Gentlemen this is a huge moment in the skating world!” The commentators add again. Yuuri sobs as he hugs Celestino. “I’m so proud of Yuuri. You’ve come so far” Celestino rubs his back as he sobs. “Thank you so much Coach” Yuuri says, before pulling away to wipe his tears.
“Yuuri!” He hears his name being called as he turns around to find Victor waving. Yuuri bows to the people around him and he walks to Victor again. “I’m so proud of you Yuura. Although you’re beating me right now. I will redeem myself tomorrow” Victors pouts. They see themselves on the big screen, so they hold each other's hand, showing their soulmate tattoos glowing. “I thought you didn’t want people to know about us Yuura?” Victor whispers. “I don’t think they will mind, right? They will be more upset that I beat you” Yuuri teases. “Yuuri~ How can you say that to me?” Victor holds his heart dramatically. All of a sudden a crowd of reporters come rushing towards them. “Yuuri, Victor, would you like to do an interview?” One of them asks. They both look at each other and smile. “That sounds great,” Victor said, smiling at the reporter.
“Are you guys really soulmates?” He asks. “Wow right off the bat” Victor laughs, “Yes we are soulmates” Victor says, pulling Yuuri’s hand closer. The interview ends after a few more questions of their relationship and they have to go their separate ways. “I'll text you when I’m done” Victor kisses his forehead after Yuuri agrees and walks away. It takes about an hour before Victor and Yuuri are out of interviews and out of their costumes. Yuuri yawns and stretches when he hears a text notification go off. He grabs his phone to see Victor’s name. He grabs his bags and heads out to the main lobby. Celestino had left back to the hotel after their interview was over. He sees Victor looking so beautiful in the snowy night. He smiles as Victor looks up. “Are you ready?” Victor asks, hooking an arm around his waist. Yuuri kisses him on the cheek while blushing. “Would you like to get dinner?” Victor asks. “Yes, but can we shower first? I feel so gross.” Yuuri complains. Victor laughs as they walk back to the hotel together.
When Yuuri was getting ready he heard a knock on his door and he opened it revealing Victor. “You look too good Victor,” Yuuri says, smiling at him. Victor blushes. “I’m almost done, just let me fix my hair and brush my teeth” Yuuri leads him into the room. He goes back into the bathroom and finishes. “I’m ready Victor” He says, fixing his belt. He pulls Yuuri into his arms and hugs him. “You’re so beautiful Yuura,” Victor says, pulling him closer. “Victor, we need to go,” Yuuri whines while blushing. “It’s only 6, we have time to spare” Victor says sitting down on the bed pulling Yuuri with him. Yuuri blushes even more as he squirms to get out. Victor kisses him as he continues to squirm. “Victor,” Yuuri says again. “I’ve been so good today, let me have this Yuura” Victor whispers between kisses.
It takes Victor another 20 minutes before he finally lets go. Yuuri was blushing and Victor was smiling. Yuuri sighs again, but smiles as he stands up. “I need to fix my hair again, and so do you. Get up” Yuuri finishes by walking into the bathroom. It takes another 15 minutes before they are out the door. “Where would you like to eat, Victor?” Yuuri says, grabbing his hand. “A surprise,” Victor whispers. They take the elevator down into the lobby. There were reporters in the lobby still. They see Victor and Yuuri holding hands and taking pictures. Yuuri bows and smiles. “Is it true you guys are soulmates?” Similar questions roll in as they continue walking with hands linked together.
On their way they see a jewelry store. Yuuri was looking at the rings when a simple gold ring caught his attention. “Wait Victor, can we go in for a second?” Yuuri asks. Victor agrees and walks in browsing as well. And that was how they came out with matching gold rings on their ring fingers. Yuuri smiled as he holds his hand up watching the ring glisten under the street lights. Yuuri knew everything was going to be okay with Victor by his side.
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