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Dudewhatthefuck?!

Summary:

Deep in the night, unable to sleep and doomed to trying to sleep on a hotel room couch, Kanai Ward's resident superstar detective is graced by a not-so-angelic presence to aid him in not only realising his feelings but working on a way to act upon them.

Or;

Shinigami's sick of neither of these idiots realising their feelings for each other and goes full wing-woman mode on the situation.

Notes:

You only here for the Kokobolt? You haven't read the previous parts to the series? Ok cool here's the TLDR:

Yuma got beat up BAD by some peacekeepers and Shinigami revealed that at 50% of her power, she can take on a human form! She ends up meeting Yakou and lies calling herself 'Yuma's gaurdian angel' THEN meets Vivia, who knows exactly what her deal is. After that, she meets Fubuki and teaches her a bit about cooking under the guise as 'The Cooking Fairy' and wouldn't you know it, the food the girlies made has Yuma basically back to normal now!

Every single character (except Shinigami ofc) is unaware of the other's interactions with her - including Yuma, who's been asleep and slowly healing up until just before the beginning of this part! He doesn't even know she's capable of having a human form that doesn't coincide with time stopping/mystery labyrinths.

Ok feeling caught up to speed now? Great! Let's go!

Chapter Text

Yakou and Vivia had returned to the Nocturnal Detective Agency to find that someone else had already taken initiative with buying groceries - and also with healing Yuma while they were at it. 

Fubuki certainly worked in mysterious ways. 

Somehow, the kitchen wasn’t in complete and utter chaos; merely disorganised. That was certainly the biggest shock of all, after hearing she’d tried cooking. 

But of course, what took priority over all else was Yuma. How was he doing?

Well, at a glance it was as if nothing was ever wrong at all! But the bruises all over his body were still prominent and aching, making it hard for the poor rookie to move about without feeling the pain. On the plus side, though, his mind had made a shocking recovery; out like a light one moment and almost completely back to normal the next. 

“Maybe I just didn’t realise how sleep deprived I was?” He shrugged awkwardly, a little embarrassed to know everyone had seen him so ill. 

Yakou and Fubuki stayed with him the rest of the afternoon, Vivia leaving in hopes of finding a quiet napping spot (totally not to go tell the others the good news. He deeefinitely didn’t care thaaat much!), and they gave him the rundown of everything that’s been happening over the last 4 days. 

Apparently he’d been attacked by a group of peacekeepers, beaten to within an inch of his life and left to die out in the middle of the street. He’d barely been conscious the following 3 days, and even while conscious, he was far from lucid thanks to the injuries and a concoction of medicines. Outside the NDA however, the peacekeepers had continued their violent streak. It seemed Director Yomi was on edge about something - most likely the presence of master detectives interfering with his work - and that bad mood was trickling down to the rest of the force. Infractions as minor as looking at a peacekeeper funny were now highly likely to end with a bloodied nose or a black eye simply for the sake of causing harm and tension in the city was stronger then ever. 

As always though, none of this was deterring the master detectives. Apparently, Halara had handled 6 separate cases already - none murders but some pretty serious stuff nonetheless. Vivia had managed to scrape up a couple potential leads for Kanai Ward’s ultimate secret but even though they were dead ends, it was incredible that he’d even managed to find those paths in the first place. Even Desuhiko had managed to sneak into a couple swanky office buildings to poke around a bit for info and even though that all came up dry, the fact he was able to walk the streets completely off the peacekeeper’s radar thanks to his forte was amazing.

Fubuki though…

“Ah, I just rewind time whenever I get caught!” She smiled airily, “Any injuries inflicted on me do not exist at all in this timeline!” 

From the sounds of it, her forte was making up for her lack of tact and stealth. 

And that was still doing more then Yuma’s been able to. What was he thinking? Getting distracted, lowering his guard? Walking right in to a large group of them-

He’s lost so much time just… sleeping… and chances were he wouldn’t be back in working condition for a while still…

He must’ve let his self-loathing show on his face somehow because suddenly, he was having his hair tousled by none other then the chief.

“Hey, these things happen, alright? You’ve not done anything wrong and everyone’s still doing just fine.” There was a strangely strong amount of empathy in the chief’s tone of voice, a comforting feel to it that Yuma found… off putting. 

“T-thanks?” He couldn’t quite place his finger on what was wrong besides the fact that Yakou had never done anything like that before. It wasn’t like the chief was incapable of being supportive but in such a genuine, heart-filled way? It was odd.

Just before he was able to get lost in his thoughts though, loud footsteps running down the steps into the submarine turned his attention to the entrance; quickly followed by 3 familiar faces all struggling to shove their way through the doorway before the other 2.

“YUMAAAAAA!!!!” Desuhiko looked like a kid on christmas morning, joy radiating from him as if he were the sun itself.

“Out of my way-” Halara seemed to care naught for anything other then the fact that they wanted the first pick of a spot on the couch, their usual scowl giving away the fact that their anti-social attitude still hadn’t changed in the slightest.

Vivia was unfortunately caught between the doorway and Halara - unable to squeeze through (or out) as the other two fought to get through first. Truly the peak example of poor timing… he was most likely thinking about how much he wanted to die. 

“Oh my! It seems we are witnessing the ultimate battle of the ages, Yuma! How lucky we are to see such a historical event!” Fubuki remained in her seat by Yuma’s side, lightly touching his forearm as she spoke to ensure her words caught his attention. 

Yakou, on the other hand, grimaced a little with second hand embarrassment and slinked back into the kitchen, muttering something about putting the kettle on. 

The sudden burst of chaos, Fubuki’s airheaded comments, Desuhiko and Halara’s bickering and Vivia’s general apathy… it brought a warm, fuzzy feeling to Yuma’s chest. Like things were suddenly alright now, for sure.

In the blink of an eye, hours had passed. Desuhiko had shoved himself in between Yuma and Fubuki on the chequered couch after lending the rookie a fresh change of clothes (since it was a bit awkward for him to be in his pyjamas while everyone else was in day clothes/uniforms) while Halara and Yakou shared the white couch across from them; Halara being particularly petty by purposefully taking up as much room on it as possible to keep Desuhiko away. Vivia took his usual spot in the fireplace, his eyes closed but still very much so awake and listening.

“You sure you dun’ need anything else, Man?” Desuhiko asked for probably the 5th time, punctuating the question with the cracking sound of an energy drink being opened. 

“Seriously, I’m fine!” Yuma forced himself to sit up a little straighter, despite how badly his joints all hurt, “Thanks for worrying but I doubt there’s anything you can do to help.”

That was definitely the wrong thing to say. Far from reassuring… more like… a challenge.

“Oh yeah? Bet! Tell me what’s up an’ I’ll fix it no problem! Nothin’s beyond this superstar detective

“Except getting a medical licence.” Halara stopped mid sentence to throw the insult his way, immediately returned to speaking to Yakou without skipping a beat. 

“O-ok maybe some things are on the trickier side…” Desuhiko’s cheeks turned a light shade of pink, eyes unable to maintain contact with Yuma’s while he admitted that, “But I’ll still do my best!” 

Yuma thought for a moment, hesitant to admit to anything being wrong. Everyone has already done so much for him… it's wrong to rely on the others so heavily all of the time, regardless of circumstance… But… What could he even do about it anyways?

“You’re overthinking things, Master.” Shinigami’s unmistakable voice echoed in his mind, “Just tell’em the truth! You’ll never know until you aaaask!” 

She floated into his line of sight, playful as ever. It was only then he’d realised that she’d been absent until that very moment. Strange… why hadn’t he noticed right away? Where’d she even been?!

“Don’t get distracted now, Master! You gotta focus on your conversation!” She bonked him on the head a few times with her ghostly fists. Luckily with them being… well, ghostly - they felt like nothing more then a couple large marshmallows smushing against him.

“U-um… well…” Yuma did his best to ignore her, instead looking down at his arms. 

Since Desuhiko lent him the clothes, he was now able to see the state of his skin - thanks to the t-shirts' short sleeves. There were large bruises stretching across both his arms, from shoulder to wrist - each in different states of healing but all quite painful to the touch. One in particular, on his inner left forearm, was in the unmistakable shape of a boot print and was a sickly swollen purple shade. He didn’t dare to wonder what the rest of his body looked like - having decided to keep his eyes averted when he changed clothes earlier on. 

“I guess these all hurt pretty bad…” He lightly touched one of the smaller bruises on the back of his right hand, feeling a fresh sting of pain upon applying a bit of pressure, “A-and my neck hurts a lot too? And my shoulders… probably from when I got pushed over?”

Desuhiko put his hand up to his chin, thinking intensely as he listened. It suddenly seemed as though they’d entered the realm of his expertise. 

“I guess an expert on disguises might know a thing or two about skincare, huh?” Shinigami speculated out loud, parroting Yuma’s own thoughts, “And didn’t he say something about fuckin’ about with joints ‘n stuff? Guess he’d know a lot about that too - the Pervy Pachirisu.”

“Don’t worry my man, I gotcha’ covered!” Desuhiko snapped his fingers, pointing some finger guns at Yuma and grinning confidently, “Sounds ta’ me like sleepin’ on a couch all the time’s finally startin’ to hurt your spine - that’s probably why you’re neck and shoulders hurt so much. Plus, lying down on such a stiff surface’d apply a lot of unnecessary pressure to ya’ wounds- I bet your back’s killin’ ya’ too, right?”

Yuma’s face turned a deep shade of red; he was absolutely right. He didn’t want to mention everything, just what was bothering him most in the moment, but it seems like nothing could be hidden from a master detective.

“Y-yeah…” He nodded.

“Well in that case, how ‘bout I lend ya’ my bed at the hotel for a while?” Desuhiko suggested, “I don’t mind using the hotel room’s couch for a while - you definitely need a comfy mattress more then me right now!” 

“KYAAAA!” Shinigami shrieked, “He’s inviting you to his hotel room?! To SLEEP in his BED?! And right after you’ve just woken up too! This perv has absolutely no sense of patience!” 

“I have no idea what any of that means.” Yuma sighed mentally, genuinely oblivious to what Shinigami was thinking.

“Well… that offer’s really kind of you.” He smiled, eyes darting from Desuhiko to the chief and back again repeatedly, “But I kinda think I’d have to ask Yakou first?”

Yakou’s attention immediately snapped to Yuma, eyes wide and mouth slightly agape. 

This in turn prompted both Halara and Vivia’s attention onto him as well. 

“W-what?” Yuma’s cheeks darkened even more, his heart suddenly pounding with the anxiety of having potentially done something wrong. 

“Y-you j-just-” Yakou’s eyes welled up with tears, pausing to take a big sniffle, “You’ve never asked my permission for anything before!”

The chief wept tears of pure joy; the hurricane of disaster finally asking before running off and doing something stupid for once. 

“That’s… not true. I’ve definitely asked to go out on investigation before…” Yuma mentally sighed, deciding to just let the chief have his moment, “I can’t help that he’s not around for approval whenever I get caught up in cases.”

“You don’t even need his approval, Master! He’s not your dad !” Shinigami huffed, “You only need mine! And I say you can and should take on every murder case you come across! … Oh and you should also go sleep in an actual bed. I bet you don’t even remember ever actually sleeping in one, do ya’?” 

Huh… come to think of it, he hadn’t. Not a single memory of him sleeping on anything that wasn’t a couch or the floor… 

“Uh… well…” Yuma considered his phrasing a little bit before asking, “Desuhiko thinks it’d be good for me to sleep on a proper bed? Would it be ok if I stayed at the hotel tonight?” 

After a couple more sniffles, Yakou dried his eyes with a handkerchief Vivia had tossed his way and nodded, “Yeah, sure. To be honest I don’t even know why the WDO isn’t covering the costs for a room for you in the first place.”

A mystery for another day, perhaps. 

“B-but wait-” Yakou’s sense of caution caught up to him, “How’d you even get over there anyways? Kanai Ward’s already extremely dangerous at night, even without all the extra peacekeepers!” 

“Do not worry, Chief Yakou!” Fubuki suddenly sprung out of her seat, taking on a confident stance, “I will accompany them and ensure that nothing will go wrong!” 

“I’ll go as well.” Halara switched over which of their legs was crossed over the other and pushed their glasses back up their nose, “It would make more sense to leave as a group.”

“Translation; They wanna make sure you’re ok.” Shinigami giggled, “... that or they’re feelin’ lazy and wanna rely on the Sheltered Skank’s forte for a change!” 

“I was gunna suggest disguises but I guess that works too.” Desuhiko shrugged, chugging down the rest of his energy drink, “What ‘bout you, Viv? Comin’ with?”

Vivia let out a long, long, defeated sigh, a bit of a growl coming from the back of his throat as he adjusted the way he was lying a bit. 

“Here’s cosy…” He mumbled, heavy eyes closing and threatening to doze off right then and there. 

“I’ll find you a spare blanket then.” Yakou replied, almost suspiciously comfortable with the idea of having Vivia staying the night instead of Yuma for a change. Halara and Desuhiko exchanged subtle glares whileYakou and Vivia spoke. Chances were they’d gained a bit of a rivalry in Yuma’s absence… 

And so, with a little more discussion and a quick rush about gathering Yuma’s things, it was decided that Yuma would hide in Desuhiko’s backpack (just to be on the safe side) and the 4 of them would rush to the hotel as quickly as possible.

“Trust me Dude, I can totally carry you, no problem!” 

Yuma started to get the impression he was asking way too much from Desuhiko…

“I’ll carry your backpack instead, if necessary.” Halara interjected, “... For a fee of ten thousand shien.” 

Yep, there was obviously a grossly massive price tag to it. 

Everyone had come to expect Halara to charge for everything by now, Yuma especially, but the rookie had a feeling the others would be more inclined to accept the offer if they knew the true intentions behind where all that money was going… Or maybe he himself was just a big softie who didn’t mind being in such massive debt knowing it was going to cats in need… 

“You be safe now, ok kid?” Yakou fussed about Yuma, re-adjusting the blanket he still had wrapped around his shoulders. 

“I will.” Yuma replied, mentally on autopilot.

“And you promise you won’t run off and get in danger or anything?”

“I won’t.”

“And you’re sure you’re ok to leave the sub so soon?”

“I’m sure.” 

“Well… ok then!” Yakou ruffled Yuma’s hair again, laughing a little as he did so.

And with that, Yuma climbed into Desuhiko’s backpack and did his best to make himself comfortable. 

Once the zipper was closed, it was like being in a totally different dimension. Dark, hot and smelling strongly of the deodorant Desuhiko seemed to wear most often. Strangely though, it was incredibly spacious; enough room to fit what must’ve been a whole costume department at a movie studio as well as decent enough room for at least 2 or 3 people to change. He didn’t really have time to question any of it the last couple times he’d been stuffed inside this thing - mainly because there was an investigation at hand - but now he had a moment to think, it was… completely illogical. 

“Must be a little bitta’ british sci-fi technology!” Shinigami floated about, glowing faintly with a ghostly aura like a squishy nightlight. 

“Well that sounds about as likely as everything else going on in my life right now.” Yuma couldn’t help but sigh again; at the very least grateful the spaciousness made it so he didn’t feel every single step the bag’s owner made, “I wonder how long it takes Desuhiko to go through customs at an airport with this thing…”

“Oooh- now you’re askin’ the real questions, Master!” She giggled, “But you’re not askin’ the most important one just yet!”

Huh? There’s actually questions to be asked right now? What could that be?

He recounted the events in his head slowly, trying to pick out any oddities.

“Um… Oh- Why hasn’t anyone said anything about who found me after I got hurt?” The question seemed so obvious all of a sudden - how hadn’t it crossed his mind sooner? 

“U-um- No, that’s not what I was thinkin’ actually. It prooobably doesn’t matter anyways.”

“Ok then… Why weren’t you there as soon as I woke up? You usually are…”

“Aww~ you missed me thaaat much?! I’m flattered!” She cooed, not so subtly trying to avoid the subject.

“Alright I give up, what’s the most important question?” Yuma could feel his headache threatening to come back now.

“Where can we find a phone to have you take the ‘am I gay?’ quiz?!” 

“Wh? Shinigami, I don’t have a crush on Desuhiko!”

“A-hah! I caught you rainbow handed!” Shinigami pointed an accusatory finger at him, “I never, ever, not ONCE said that you have a crush on him!”

Ah. 

Dammit.

She’s good.