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Charles was quite affectionate after everything that happened in Port Townsend and hell. Edwin thought it was Charles’ way of showing him that nothing had changed after Edwin’s confession. They’d also gotten closer after both sharing personal truths with each other. They were better friends now that they were both being more open and honest with each other.
The problem was, that Edwin found himself overanalyzing every single one of Charles' actions. He couldn’t help but think about Charles saying that they had forever to figure out the rest. They hadn’t really talked about the confession after Charles had assured Edwin that nothing had changed. But now, Edwin noticed Charles’ hands would linger slightly longer when they squeezed his shoulder, or he would find Charles silently watching him with an unreadable expression on his face.
Edwin wasn’t sure what it all meant. Was Charles thinking about the confession on the staircase as often as Edwin was? Was he looking at Edwin and wondering if he could ever feel the same way?
That thought was wholly overwhelming for Edwin. He was trying to accept that Charles did not return his feelings, but it was hard when Charles kept finding reasons to sit close to him or brush his hand across his back when he walked behind him.
It was driving Edwin crazy. He tried to throw himself into cases so he’d have something to distract his spinning mind. He’d try to put some physical distance between himself and Charles, but Charles was notorious for closing that distance.
It got to the point where Edwin felt like his nerves were on fire and every touch from Charles burned across his skin.
Then, suddenly, the touches stopped.
Charles started keeping a foot of space between them at all times. His casual touches stopped. There were no more shoulder squeezes or affectionate arm pats. There was no more sitting so close together that their shoulders brushed or Charles throwing his feet into Edwin’s lap when he was reading.
Edwin had no idea what had changed. He wracked his mind to figure out the moment Charles had stopped touching him and tried to figure out what had happened.
He concluded that Charles must’ve made his decision. He must’ve figured out that he would never feel the same way about Edwin and this caused him to feel uncomfortable touching him.
Edwin had never considered himself a particularly tactile person, but now without any contact from Charles, he suddenly realized how much he craved it.
They were reorganizing the office when Edwin finally snapped.
“Charles, will you pass me the book on demonology?” Edwin asked.
“Sure, mate,” Charles said, grabbing the book off of the desk and walking over to hand it to Edwin. Their fingers brushed as he did so and Charles pulled his hand back as if he’d been burned.
“What is the matter with you recently?” Edwin said, the words out of his mouth before he’d even thought about it. Charles blinked in surprise and stepped back.
“What…what do you mean?” Charles asked and Edwin could practically see his defensive walls going up. Edwin sighed and turned to put the book on the shelf. He closed his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. He needed to handle this well because he knew he’d get nothing out of Charles if he kept those walls up.
“You’ve been acting strangely as of late. Distant,” Edwin said as he turned back around.
“I don’t-” Charles shook his head, starting to deny it, but Edwin forged ahead.
“Did I do something wrong? Something to make you uncomfortable? Please tell me what is wrong so I can fix it,” Edwin pleaded.
“Edwin…” Charles whispered moving back and leaning against their desk. He had a distressed look on his face and Edwin felt bad for putting it there, but he could no longer stand the distance between them.
“As I told you in hell when I first confessed the way I feel, it is okay if you do not return my feelings. I can handle it if you never return my feelings. But what I cannot handle is you feeling uncomfortable and keeping your distance from me.”
“What?” Charles looked confused as a few emotions flashed quickly across his face. “What are you talking about?”
“The past two months you have barely had any physical contact with me at all,” Edwin said, confused himself. There was no way Charles hadn’t known what he was doing, only a deliberate decision could’ve caused him to switch his behavior so quickly.
“Yes…but it’s not because I was uncomfortable,” Charles said, shaking his head.
“What?” Edwin was slightly confused now. “Please explain why you have been so distant then.”
“It was because I didn’t want you to be uncomfortable,” Charles said.
“Charles, it is true it took me a few years to get used to your tactile nature, but I have not been uncomfortable with you touching me for the past 25 years,” Edwin said. “Is it…did my feelings complicate things?”
“Your feelings…” Charles said, half under his breath.
“Charles, please speak plainly, we promised to be honest with one another,” Edwin said, taking a couple of hesitant steps closer to Charles. Charles closed his eyes for a moment, looking as if he were gathering his thoughts.
“You flinched,” He said finally.
“What?” Edwin was now well and truly lost.
“After that case with the widow, I went to clap you on the shoulder…but you flinched as I reached out. So, I started paying attention and you looked uncomfortable every time I touched you. I figured I’d waited too long and your feelings had changed, so I decided to give you your space,” Charles said, looking down at the floor as he spoke.
“Charles, my feelings have not changed,” Edwin said in shock. “It hasn’t even been a year. I think it would take longer to get over you if I even wanted to. Which I don’t in case you were wondering.”
“Really?” Charles finally looked up at him and Edwin saw a conflicted look on his face. “But you were uncomfortable.”
“I was overwhelmed is all,” Edwin said with a sigh. This is why they should listen to Crystal when she tells them to communicate more. He could’ve put Charles (and himself) at ease months ago by talking about it. “We tried to pretend like nothing had changed, but I think it was foolish of us to just act like everything could be exactly the same after my confession.”
“Yeah, I know,” Charles said and he sounded distraught about it.
“Charles…” Edwin said, wanting to encourage his friend to talk but worried about pressuring him too much. “When you said we had forever to figure the rest out, what exactly did you mean by that?”
“Well,” Charles looked a bit startled at the question. “I just meant that you are the closest person to me and I love you and sexuality is complicated, innit?”
“Quite,” Edwin agreed.
“And I guess…It was hard for me to imagine a world where I never loved you like that, so even if I didn’t feel the same, I couldn’t just eliminate the possibility of someday,” Charles said and Edwin was charmed by his openness.
“When I said I was overwhelmed, it was just that…well we never really talked about all of that. And then it seemed like your touches were lingering and I’d catch you looking at me strangely…and I couldn’t help wondering if you were thinking about that as well. Not to say that you were, of course, that was probably me just overthinking and overanalyzing everything. And I suppose it just got to be a bit much, looking at your eyes and not knowing what you were thinking. So if I flinched back or acted uncomfortable, it was merely a result of my own brain, not your actions,” Edwin said, wanting to return Charles’ honesty.
“I was thinking about it,” Charles said in no more than a whisper.
“Sorry, what?”
“When you caught me looking, I was thinking about it. It was hard not to, wasn’t it? I mean you are right, your confession brought this other factor into our relationship and it couldn’t not affect things. You’d smile and I’d wonder if I felt butterflies because I was happy to have been the cause of it or if there was something deeper. That’s why I think I was a bit more touchy-feely, I was trying to figure out what exactly the reactions inside of me were,” Charles said and Edwin found himself drawing closer as his partner spoke.
“And did you ever figure it out?” Edwin asked, he was now just inside the foot of space that Charles had put between them for months.
“I’m not sure,” Charles' voice broke as he spoke. “But I think it could be more. Something more than just mates that is.”
“And you were just going to hold me in suspense?” Edwin said, arching a brow.
“Well, I’d just bloody figured it out, and then you flinched and my stupid brain went straight to thinking you didn’t like me anymore so I decided to give you your space,” Charles said, waving his arms animatedly as he spoke. Edwin caught his hands and stepped closer to him.
“Your brain is not stupid, and not for nothing, but my brain went to exactly the same place,” Edwin said with a chuckle. Charles let out a strange half-laugh half-sob and leaned closer to press his forehead against Edwin’s. Edwin closed his eyes, enjoying the feeling of being close to Charles again.
“We are a couple of right idiots, aren’t we?” Charles muttered.
“I suppose we are,” Edwin said, his thoughts spinning in his head. He leaned back and separated his hands from Charles. Charles made a noise of protest that was quickly squashed when Edwin gently cradled his face in his hands the way Charles had done all of those months ago in hell.
“What are you doing?” Whispered Charles, his brown eyes wide as they danced across Edwin’s face, flickering down to his lips and then back up to his eyes.
“You said you think it might be more than friends? Shall we test that theory?” Edwin asked with a soft smile. He didn’t usually operate on whims, but it seemed as if when it came to Charles he was incapable of holding back.
He saw the lightbulb go on in Charles' mind as he figured out what Edwin was talking about. Charles took a shaky breath and then nodded his head. “Yes.”
“Are you sure?” Edwin asked, needing to know that Charles would not regret this. Charles offered him a smile and nodded his head more resolutely.
Monty had been the only person Edwin had kissed and he barely counted that. It had been a mere press of lips, nothing more. His inexperience made it feel odd to be the one to initiate the kiss with Charles, but since he was driving this interaction he felt as if he must.
Slowly, Edwin leaned forward until his lips met Charles. For a moment nothing happened, time seemed to pause with Edwin cradling Charles’ face and pressing their lips together. Then, Charles melted into the kiss. His arms went around Edwin’s waist, drawing him against him and his lips started to move under his. Edwin wasn’t entirely sure what he was doing, but for once he let his body react without his brain.
The kiss was sweet and light and when Charles drew away Edwin couldn’t help but think he would’ve been happy if that had lasted much longer.
“Yeah, okay,” Charles said, dropping his forehead down onto Edwin’s shoulder with a breathless laugh that made Edwin's heart flutter. “Not just mates.”