Archive of Our Own ^beta

Everything was seemingly bathed in white. Jude blinked again, trying to see past the dots in his vision. It looked like he had washed up on shore farther up north, but... how did he get here in the first place? Jude had been in the middle of Fezebel Marsh, hadn't he...?

When he tried to think back, there was a black spot in his memory. He had no reference for how big it was, or for anything that happened during it. There was just him lying on the edge of a beach, where cold water lapped at his legs. The shore was made of pearly white sand coated in an even brighter white snow. Something dug into his chest— seashells, probably. Hopefully.

Jude swallowed, gasping for breath. Whatever happened after the blank spot in his memory must have put him through the wringer. He didn't remember his chest aching this much while fighting Gaius.

It'll come to him eventually, he guessed... there was no helping the ache in his head, not yet.

Possible head wound aside, he had to get up. He had to. He repeated it like a mantra, hoping it would give him the strength needed to set aside the numbing static in his hands and legs.

Jude forced his arms up as slowly as he could manage, but the second they held up any of his weight, his left wrist buckled. Something tugged at his lungs, sending him into a coughing fit. The sand was harsh against his cheek, and he resisted the urge to curl up to ease the pain in his ribs. Jude barely registered his arm flaring up in white, hot bursts; he was too busy trying to keep his lunch down. Dots coated his vision, and he swallowed back bile.

So he was right back to where he started. Great. He spat out the sand in his mouth, gritting his teeth.

There wasn't much to take stock of anymore, then. That was it, wasn't it? Broken ribs, sprained wrist, and a probable concussion. He couldn't see his fingers, but the prickling numbness from cold weather was never good, either, so he might as well add hypothermia to the mix. Just what he needed...

Okay. Then he would try again.

Jude leaned on his left arm, this time, lifting himself up with his right until he was leaning back on his knees. Every breath he took felt like a struggle, heaving past aching bones, but he still had work to do. Deep breaths.

The world spun as he forced himself to his feet. He wasn't sure he'd ever felt this much pain in his life. Nausea crept up his throat for a third time, and it took all he had to keep his breathing steady. But Jude was on his feet, and that was all he needed to keep moving.

Elize was out there, somewhere. Alvin too. He hoped they were fine, but if they weren't, they would need all the help they could get. Which meant Jude had to be in good enough shape to help.

Deep breaths. He let his eyes wander over the area, slowly. The ground was covered in a fresh coat of snow, and the sky was gray. Monsters roamed the area, but not in packs, so it looked somewhat manageable.

It didn't look like anyone else was around, either. The only other people he could see on the beach were the corpses of enemy soldiers, with their broken machinery spread out around them. Jude closed his eyes briefly, hoping they were at peace.

If there was no sight of Alvin or Elize here, then he would have to move on. It was a scary thought... Jude didn't know if he had the energy in him to move.

When he took another step, his feet stumbled, nearly tripping over a rock. It fell back into the shoreline, glinting brightly. Its shape was familiar, but he...

Oh, that's right. Jude lightly kicked at the rock beneath him, watching it spin in the water, resting on the sand. What was a spirit fossil doing all the way out here?

Hm. He wasn't confident in being able to get back up if he bent down to pick it up. But he couldn't just leave a spirit fossil on the shore of a random beach, and he definitely couldn't leave it in a place where someone else could get it. What did they even need it for? His dad never really... talked about what they were used for, outside of being the core for Milla's aspyrixis. But this one sat at the edge of a broken box, lacking the machine needed to be used as one.

Just as he prepared to reach down and grab it, a gust of wind sent him stumbling. Jude dug his feet into the sand, blearily looking up at the figure suddenly in front of him.

Jude really did trip, then, falling back with a yelp. He looked up at the bright green eyes staring at him, barely inches from his face. It leaned away, a teasing smile spreading on its lips. It looked... similar to Milla, and a little like Celsius. He hadn't had the privilege to see many spirits, but two was a coincidence, and three was a pattern. There was a regal air about her, anyway, that he wasn't quite sure how to respond to.

He... didn't have the energy for this. Jude wasn't sure if he was exasperated or surprised, but he blinked up at her anyway, unsure of what to say. The spirit settled, floating a few feet above the ground. It - she? - tilted her head when she looked at him.

"Greetings, Jude. Do not be alarmed." She said. Her voice was even, carried softly even over the harsh winds and the distance between them. He blinked up at her, gaping, unsure of what to say. She seemed to smile at that. "I am the spirit Muzét, sent by the great spirit Maxwell."

...a lot of what she said was a blur, after that. His head ached, but even beyond that, he was dizzy, and it was almost as though he was walking through a thick fog. He tried to grasp at her words and manage a response, but the most Muzét got was a few garbled words and hums. She must have taken the hint, though, because she looked at him with an expression somewhere between flat and guilty. It was probably the most she could manage, so the thought was appreciated.

Somewhere along the way, he picked himself up, swaying on weak legs. Jude dusted the sand off of himself the best he could, but he probably only managed to make himself look worse. Muzét smiled at him again.

"I'm sorry, Jude." She said, closing her eyes. "I do not have enough mana to cast any healing artes."

He shook his head, and then immediately regretted it, blinking back spots and swallowing thickly. "It's- okay. We'll... figure something out."

Milla had sent her, so they must be nearby, right? If he held out... someone would find him. He wouldn't die here. Not yet.

Even though he said that it was a battle just to breathe. His ribs ached, leaving him slouched over with a weak hand digging into his coat. He- he needed help. Jude licked his lips. Gels. He had those, right?

But his bag was nowhere to be seen. And a single slow, dragging glance around the beach made him realize it likely got swept away in the fall. Just what he needed...

Jude sighed. If he didn't have any gels, he would just have to make do with what he did have.

He frowned, looking back at the spirit fossil. It was beginning to drift through the water, half coated in pearly white sand. Before he could even reach down to grab it, Muzét reached out her hand and sent down a blast with a flick of her wrist.

Did she just... blow up a spirit fossil? To what end? His head was swimming...

Jude opened his mouth to speak but was cut off with a light laugh. Muzét tilted her head. "Do not fret, Jude. All will be well."

"Uh... sure." Jude frowned, looking back at the sand. There weren't even any pieces left, almost as if it hadn't existed at all. "Then... should we get moving..?"

"If that is what you wish."

Right... Jude turned, trying to rub away the weariness in his eyes. Now that he was tethered to Muzét, he couldn't risk throwing around any healing artes, even if his wrist burned at his side. It would have to wait until he was sure he wouldn't pass out again, but... that was looking less and less likely the more he went on. There weren't even many sticks around to splint it... what a joke.

It took every ounce of willpower he had to start moving. Invisible chains weighed him down, making every step harder than the last. Jude kept a hand twisted into the front of his coat, pressing down against his lungs whenever it became too difficult to breathe. It was almost easy to ignore the cold biting at his cheeks in favor of feeling his knuckles press against his chest.

He stumbled again, nearly falling back into the snow. Damn it— at this rate, he was going to end up as bird food. Or a Jude popsicle. The little Teepo zipping around his mind was screaming about how he wouldn't even taste very good.

Focus. Jude rubbed at his cheeks until his vision blurred. He almost hissed, grinding his teeth together at the static suddenly biting into his skin. That was good, though, right? It killed two birds with one stone— he was awake enough to feel the pain, and the blood in his face started back up again. The thought made him wince. Leia was going to kill him when she got her hands on him... as though any of this was his fault.

It was easy enough to avoid the monsters prowling the fields. Muzét guided him through the trees, a beacon amidst blinding white. The sight of her gave him some relief, at least. If she really had been sent by Maxwell, that meant Milla was safe. Rowen, Leia. They were safe. That hope kept him on his feet, unsteady as he was. They would find him eventually, and for that, he had to be alive.

Eventually, the two of them came upon the entrance to a small cavern. It looked safe enough? They were far up north on a beach bordering the Fezebel Marsh, so... Kanbalar had to be close by..?

There wasn't anything within sight, though, and Jude didn't think he could walk another ten feet, let alone a mile. His feet were starting to drag, digging up puffs of snow with every step. Seriously, his toes were freezing. He dug his hands further underneath his arms, huddling in on himself. What did he do to be trapped alone inside a giant snow globe...

There was probably an endless list of reasons at this point, Jude thought. He should've been better... maybe this wouldn't have happened if he had. He wasn't prepared to spend the day walking through freezing temperatures, let alone Elize or Milla... hopefully they got much luckier than he did.

Jude's feet crunched against rocks, a cave suddenly sprawling out in front of them. He rubbed at his eyes, the leather scraping at his dry skin. The burn cleared up his sight long enough for him to sweep his eyes over the scene, though. Even through his blurry vision, he could see the cave's winding halls reach far back into the cliff.

Just standing in the entrance was better than being out in the open— the wind wasn't beating at him as much, anymore, and it was twice as dry as being outside in the snow was... not that that was much of a feat. Still, if there were no other paths, and this was likely the way to the city... what other options did he have?

So now he was going inside the creepy ice cavern. Cool. His day just went from good to great.

The walk was just as slow inside as it was out, if not even worse. The path was beaten and uneven, with rocks littering the ground and the path dipping and rising at odd spots. The paths twisted and turned, too, so if he hadn't been lost before, he definitely was now. Again. Cool.

...the little Teepo in his head was laughing at him, so Jude was positive he'd already lost it. So he focused on trying not to trip over his own feet, to no avail. Stumble once, shame on him, stumble twice... shame on him, still. His legs felt too much like jelly.

The third time he stumbled, it almost knocked him headfirst into the wall. He was breathless, holding an arm across his chest as though that would make it any easier to breathe. He felt sweat dripping down his face, and when he fell into the wall to keep himself upright, the chill from the ice and rock against his skin was almost a blessing.

Almost, because Jude knew that was bad. Of course it was bad. He was a med student. The smarter part of his brain told him he had to keep moving, he had to start a fire, he had to do something. But it was exhausting enough to keep himself standing. Something was weighing down on his eyes.

Jude tried to blink, but the world only spun in response. Was he really going to die here? That... sucked. He hadn't even graduated yet.

"Jude?"

All he could do was hum, leaning further into the cold stone. It cleared up his head enough to recognize the voice and to realize he'd likely been standing there for longer than he meant to. It was written on Muzét's face when he looked up.

She frowned, squinting. "Are you all right?"

Do I look all right? ...is what he wanted to say. But he could barely manage to blink, let alone open his mouth to speak. Jude hummed instead, shifting to let his back fall against the wall. The back of his head stung at the contact. If he looked, he wondered if there'd be blood.

"Jude?"

Slowly, he slid down, letting out a deep sigh. At least his chest hurt less when sitting propped up like this. It was even easier to breathe.

Something moved behind his eyelids. A shadow just a few inches away, but even that became difficult a blur of colors, the same shade of grey-blue that'd been haunting him since he woke up.

A hand touched his cheek, too warm for him to sink into, but he could barely move his head. Exhaustion tugged at his eyes, almost like he'd been walking for days without rest. Nothing about that was good. Nothing about any of this was good. You didn't need to be an honor student to know not to fall asleep in mystery ice caverns.

Before it could drag him down further, something tapped at his cheek again. "Jude? Are you going to sleep?"

Muzét. He'd barely known her for long, but Jude thought she was a bit too touchy. He shrank away again, trying to muster the energy to speak.

"...yeah." It was all he could manage, but... good enough.

"Then, what shall I do?"

Right. She... talked too much.

"Just... keep watch, okay?" Jude mumbled. It was about all he could say before he felt his eyes close, again, despite how dark it had already gotten. Whatever Muzét said in response was lost to him, a distant rumble blocked behind an endless fog. And then he felt his body fell, before... nothing. Sleep welcomed him with open arms.

The first thing to tip him off that something wasn't quite right was finding Jude's bag on the beach, soaking wet and torn at odd angles. It was looking rough, but it wasn't too unusable, and everything inside was still there. The journal was soaked through, but the ink looked fine enough, and their bag of gels seemed to make it through their impromptu swim. It only had orange gels, sure, but it was there.

It was also decidedly Jude-less. Alvin couldn't find it in him to think that was a good sign. If Jude had washed up anywhere near here, he wouldn't have left it behind.

Dread settled in his gut. He swept his eyes across the shore, but— nothing. There were no body's left save for the one or two soldiers still on the bank, and they were already long gone.

"He's not here..." Elize said, her voice drifting off into a whine. When Alvin glanced back, Elize had her shoulders hunched, clinging to Teepo like he was her lifeline. He swallowed, looking at anything other than her.

"Yeah, well, we'll find him. He can't have gotten that far, right?" Alvin said, half speaking, half mumbling. He still wasn't sure if he had the same confidence his words did.

Jude could be anywhere. He could still be back at Fezebel Marsh for all they know. Or he could be sitting inside of a monster's gut, waiting to be digested. If he wasn't on the bottom of the sea, that is.

Oof. Not a great picture. Alvin shook his head, turning back to the snow-covered trail.

"D'you think he got far?" Teepo asked.

Alvin shrugged. "Who knows? We don't even really know how injured he is."

"Oh..."

"Jude's smart, though," he continued, folding his arms. "He probably went looking for shelter."

Elize bit her lip, turning away from the beach. "Um... I saw a cave that way when we were walking by the trees, earlier..."

That was better than anything else Alvin had. Jude probably hadn't headed back to Fezebel Marsh, if he even knew how to get there. That left the cave to the north, which led them back towards a trench just outside of Kanbalar. If Milla and the others had any sense, that's where they'd be heading, too.

Alvin cracked a smile, head tilted towards the trees behind them. "Then what're we waitin' for? After you, princess."

With a huff, Elize turned, beginning their trek north.

The walk to the cave was slow as they kept to the rocky cliff faces surrounding them. It didn't give them much cover, but it was enough, since they'd yet to be spotted by any of the freakishly large birds buzzing around in the sky. Alvin kept a hand on Elize's back, continuing to glance between her and the path in front of them. If she wanted to shove him away, she didn't say anything, but he got a few choice glares from Teepo every now and then. Go figure.

Alvin kept an eye out for tracks in the snow, but he couldn't find any. Not a one. The snow they walked on looked fresh enough, even despite the tundra plants roaming about, so the weather must've changed between now and when Jude walked through. That is if Jude walked through here. Alvin was still holding out hope the kid hadn't been swept away by the floodwaters, but their luck was never that great to begin with...

Grey clouds littered the sky, growing darker and darker the further north they went, so who knows. Snow or not, when they reached the cave, they ducked inside. The temperature settled into a refreshing not-quite-freezing-but-still-awful, but it was dry. Pros cons. The only real issue was his boots skidding across the ice beneath him and leaving him to bust his head open on one of the several sharp rocks around them.

He kept a firm grip on Elize and continued forward. Couldn't have the princess slipping either, right?

When they turned a corner, inching slowly, the first thing Alvin saw was what looked like a woman, floating a few feet above the ground, stock still. Her hair flowed longer than Milla's did, and her blank face scanned the cavern almost listlessly. She looked bored, really. If she was a spirit, and a strong one at that, he could understand, but... why was she here?

It could be dangerous. Alvin scowled, glancing between the spirit and Elize. She was inching closer to Alvin the more they got into the cavern, keeping her eyes carefully on the monsters that roamed around them. What to do... it really was just a matter of possibly fighting a spirit strong enough to manifest into a physical form, and going back to the entrance of the cave and hoping Jude was elsewhere. Fantastic.

They didn't have many options, though. Neither of them were in top form, and they had no clue where the rest of their gang went. He hated to admit that he didn't really have any ideas for this one.

"Great..." Alvin muttered, gritting his teeth.

"Is something wrong?" Elize asked, her voice only just loud enough to hear. He shrugged.

"Maybe. Stay here, all right? If you catch me running back this way we're hightailing it out of here." That was a horrible plan. It was the only plan he had.

Not the best chances, but good enough. The spirit didn't look hostile...

Alvin inched closer, keeping to the rocky wall like it'd make him any smaller. The spirit was floating in front of a small indent in the rocks, surrounded by what looked to be the remains of a cave-in.

So, great. A scary spirit, no Jude, and he was invading what was probably her turf. Alvin was no gambler but these odds didn't look great.

A few more steps, and he was almost close enough to get the jump on her. He kept his gaze steady, waiting for her to turn back this way, but—

Ice crunched under his feet, and Alvin swore. He reached out for the wall to steady himself before he fell, scrambling to find his footing. He probably made enough noise for his mother to hear. Fantastic.

Alvin didn't have time to curse at himself, but he imagined the choice of words he had in mind was too much for Elize to handle. He whipped his head up, already taking a staggering step back, and found the spirit turning his way, slowly. Her hand was outstretched, but her face was calm. At her new angle, Alvin could almost see-

Wait. There was a body behind her, lying limp against the floor. He'd seen that coat too many times not to realize what he was looking at.

Damn them all. Alvin clenched his fist, sinking his fingers into the cool metal at his side. His gun was heavy in his hand, but this time, the weight was no comfort. With the barrel pointed at the spirit in front of him, he swallowed back the lump in his throat and barred his teeth.

He wasn't sure if the sinking feeling in his gut was rage or fear.

For her credit, the spirit looked unfazed. She even lowered her hand, defenseless.

"Ah," she began. Calm, detached, almost tranquil, even— he felt something in his jaw click. "You must be-"

"Can it, lady," Alvin said. His voice was louder than was probably safe, but he wasn't sure he gave a damn. "I'm gonna need you to back off, 'less you want a bullet in your skull."

She tilted her head. Jude didn't move. "I believe this is a misunderstanding."

"I don't think you standing over the body of my friend is much of a misunderstanding." Alvin hissed. There was too much distance between them to tell if Jude was breathing. He wasn't sure if he wanted to find out. "I'm gonna say it again. Back off."

The woman hummed, gaze unmoving. Alvin let his finger drift to the trigger.

"Wait, Alvin!" Elize grabbed at his sleeve - thankfully of the arm not holding a loaded gun - and pulled him a step back. She looked between him and the spirit with a frown. "You didn't even stop to listen!"

He looked down at her, and- Alvin didn't really know what to say, actually. If anyone asked, he did not let out some sort of confused, strangled whine. He kept his hand steady, though, and his finger on the trigger. Any wrong moves and it wouldn't just be on his head, now that Elize was out from her hiding spot.

"How very wise." The spirit said. When Alvin looked back at her, she was sporting a quiet smile.

Elize spun around, fully facing Alvin now and seemingly trying to 'block' his view of the spirit. She puffed her cheeks, hands on her hips. "See? She isn't even being mean!"

"How rude, Alvin! But maybe we should expect that from you," Teepo said, giving him a side-eye.

He knew Elize was, what, 10? And all, but he didn't expect her to be so careless. There was a suspicious spirit lady in front of what looked like the corpse of their friend. Does that not warrant a gun to the face?

Okay. He sighed. Maybe not. Jude probably wasn't even dead.

Alvin swallowed, tightening his grip. They didn't know he was dead at all, actually. It likely wasn't as bad as it looked.

"Do not be alarmed," the spirit said. The words she spoke sounded practiced, and it infuriated him to realize she had never once stopped looking relaxed. "I am the spirit Muzét, sent by Maxwell."

Elize turned quickly enough that Alvin had to grab her shoulder to keep her from tripping over. "Milla sent you?!"

"That means you're a good guy, right?" Teepo asked.

The spirit only smiled again.

"So what?" Alvin scoffed. "That doesn't mean much, does it? Words can mean anything."

"You would say that wouldn't you, Alvin?" Teepo said. Oof. Elize was usually out for his blood, but this felt like overkill.

That damned doll was right, though. Those words probably meant nothing, coming from him. It almost made him wince.

"Fine, then. If you're here 'cause of Milla, you won't have any problems with us getting closer, yeah?" Alvin stuck with being careful, anyway. He inched forward, gun still raised.

The spirit still had yet to be alarmed. She simply crossed her hands over her chest and bowed her head. "If that is what you wish."

Fucking weirdo. Even Milla wasn't so... passive. Robotic. It would be unsettling if he weren't more focused on Jude playing the part of the dead teenage boy.

At that, Alvin lowered his hand, rushing forward. Elize was close behind him, the sound of her feet tapping against the ice and the blood rushing through his ears being the only other sounds he could hear. Alvin kept his weapon out just in case, but it was quickly thrown to the side the second he got close enough to drop to his knees, rocks scraping at his skin through the fabric of his pants. He wrenched Jude up by his shoulders, holding his breath.

The kid was out cold, with his head falling back at the movement. Idiot. He was a doctor, wasn't he? And he still somehow had the brilliant idea of falling asleep in a freezing cold cavern alone. Alvin was too afraid to pull off Jude's gloves, but he'd know what he'd find if he did. It didn't take a genius to know what hypothermia looked like.

His lips were blue, and he was still. It took several seconds of sitting completely still to see the kid's chest rise and fall. If Alvin had any less of a grip on his panic than he already did, he would have thought Jude was dead.

"Oh no, Jude's dead!" Teepo yelled, flying circles around their heads.

"No, he can't be!" Elize said. Alvin heard her step back with a gasp, and momentarily wished - not for the first time - that he could grab that damn toy out of the air and squeeze him till he shut his mouth. "Teepo, don't say things like that!"

Teepo zipped around them again, letting out something that sounded like a whine. "But it's true! Look at him, his face is turning blue!"

"He's not dead," Alvin snapped, quickly shifting so he could check Jude's pulse out of her sight. Feeling his pulse underneath his fingers made it a bit easier to breathe. "Calm down, all right? He's just-" his voice cut off, the air suddenly feeling thick.

He's just, what? Sick? Hurt? Both of those things could be true. They have no way of knowing until they got out of that damn cave.

Alvin was no doctor. How could you tell if someone was bleeding internally? It didn't look like Jude had any obvious broken bones, though he would bet on at least one of his ribs being banged up, with what they just went through. Getting blown up didn't exactly constitute as nothing. And the stutter in his breaths must mean something, right?

His pulse stuttered underneath Alvin's fingertips.  

"Jude," Alvin tapped at his face, trying to ignore the- the what, desperation, in his voice? Right. "C'mon, kid. We don't have all day."

No reaction. He really didn't seem to understand what "we don't have all day" meant. Jude's face was flushed red, and every now and then his eyebrows would twitch restlessly. His hair looked like it was still drying, too, which probably meant he'd gotten here from the shore. If there was water in his lungs, then...

Then, nothing. He'd be fine. The kid was more stubborn than a boar.

Alvin's hands still shook when he moved to take off one of his gloves. Wincing from the chill, he put the back of his hand against Jude's forehead, and— yeah, ouch, he was burning up. Just what they needed.

"Is he okay...?" Elize asked, leaning over Alvin's shoulder. "Can we help him?"

He tapped Jude's cheek again. "Well... he's alive, for starters."

"That's better than being dead!" Teepo said, whispering the words like they'd bring them bad luck. And, well, he was right. A fever was much better than a corpse.

"Teepo!"

The doll mumbled out a quick apology, but Alvin was a bit too busy to pay attention to it. He at least knew a little bit about what to do for this, right? He didn't need to be a doctor to know that Jude needed to get warm. So he pulled at his collar and unraveled his scarf, grinding his teeth together to keep them from chattering. The cold hit him immediately, and he struggled to keep the scarf in his hands.

"Woah, you're gonna give him your scarf?" Teepo asked, leaning over Alvin's shoulder. "That's so nice of you, Alvin!"

"But... aren't you going to get cold, too?" Elize asked.

"Aw, it almost sounds like you're worried about me," Alvin said, the words slipping out before he could stop them. It felt easy to fall into that persona— it felt familiar. It almost made him forget about the ice digging into his knees, and the biting chill making his hands stiffer than they're meant to be.

Elize stomped her foot. "N-no! You getting sick would just be inconvenient, that's all!"

Alvin shrugged. "I'll be fine. He needs it more than me, yeah?"

"Yeah, I guess..." Alvin listened to her mumble, securing his scarf around Jude's neck and tucking it into his coat. He hoped it would help at least a little bit, but you didn't get this far in life from hope. "We're just worried, is all... I've never seen him so hurt before."

He didn't think he had, either. Alvin was ready to keep it that way.

"Heh, hear that, Jude?" Alvin asked. He tried shaking his shoulder, this time. "You're worryin' poor Elize over here."

Because "you're worrying me" probably doesn't have the same weight to it. Right. He wouldn't have said it anyway— that was something that would stay between him and God. The hypothetical version, and not his employer, because she didn't need to know, either.

Jude's arm twitched, moving up enough that he probably intended to swat Alvin's hand away. He didn't make it that far.

"Stop that..." Jude mumbled, tone low, grainy, and— God, he hoped he misheard how watery Jude's voice was. They were in no place to treat pneumonia, let alone a fever.

Alvin didn't move, continuing to tap at Jude's cheek until the kid's eyes blearily glared up at him. It was more cute than it was intimidating, though. "Nuh-uh. You gotta wake up. This is no place for napping, you know."

He sounded desperate. He was desperate. This - the kid, the attachments, the damn fever, this, whatever this was - hadn't been in Alvin's job description. His hands still trembled as he pulled his glove back on.

This time, Jude really did swat at his arm, but it was weak. It was like he barely moved at all.

"Go... away, will you? I'm... tired." Jude said. His eyes fell shut again, and no amount of shaking got him to open them again. Instead, his head fell back to his shoulder, and they were back where they started.

"Shit," Alvin mumbled. His breath caught in his throat. Shit. He shook Jude's shoulders again. "Jude. Wake up."

But Jude was silent. It was a little unsettling— it was almost impossible to go a night without hearing the kid snore. He would twist and turn until he found the best time to curl into a ball and sleep completely still. Milla said he slept more like a cat than he did a person.

Vaguely, Alvin remembered Leia laughing at that. "You should see him when he passes out at his desk," she said. "He sleeps like the dead."

How quickly does a teenager die from hypothermia? Jude isn't very big— he's small, and he's scrawny, and for as much actual muscle he has he's short. He forgets to eat way more often than he should. He isn't the healer in their group, either, but he's always going to bed exhausted to make sure he is. How quickly would it take someone like that to freeze to death? Alvin swallowed back the lump in his throat, feeling his gut twisting into knots.

No, never mind. Focus.

Elize shifted nervously next to him, and he could hear Teepo mumbling — shouting, really — in her arms. Something about Elize being next. Didn't matter. She was fine, Jude was dying. If it hadn't been for Elize's healing artes, Alvin knows he would definitely be dead. And for as smart as the kid was, he was no healer.

He shrugged off his jacket, shifting Jude so he could put it around his shoulders, carefully. He wrapped the kid as tightly as he could, flipping the collar so it sat heavy over his ears. That was— that was what people did, right? Keep their ears warm? The last time someone took care of Alvin was so long ago, he wasn't sure he was doing this right.

Was there a way to do this right? They were in the middle of an ice cavern, as far north as a person could get. The way to do this right would be to get the kid 100 miles south and into a hospital. But they didn't have a hospital. All they had was Elize, a handful of gels, and Alvin's sorry coat to get them through alive. Fantastic. Wonderful.

Okay. Deep breath. Next course of action: getting the hell out of there. It only took a single glance around the cavern to know they were out in the open. There weren't any monsters in sight, maybe, but he could hear them skittering around a little further away. Jude not sitting in the middle of a monster's stomach was probably the only shining light here.

"Hey," Alvin turned quick enough he almost slipped on the ice underneath him. Elize jumped. His heart beat rapidly in his chest— shit, he needed to calm down. "We need to get somewhere more secure, but I won't be able to defend myself. That'll be up to you. Think you can handle that?"

To her credit, Elize went from looking at him with wide eyes to a determined frown quicker than he could finish speaking. She gripped Teepo tightly, nodding. "Yes! Anything. You can count on me!"

"We won't let anything happen to Jude!" Teepo agreed, leaning in close. If either of them were unsure or nervous, he couldn't tell. But Elize has always been strong. It wasn't the best option, but it was what they had, and he could depend on her.

Okay. Good. Deep breath. Everything was perfectly fine. He turned back to Jude.

From the corner of his eyes, Alvin could see the spirit from before floating idly. 

"Hey, spirit lady."

"My name is Muzét."

"Good to know," Alvin said, reaching for Jude's arms. This would be a pain. "You really can't do anything for him?"

She hummed. "I do not have enough mana to perform any healing artes."

Alvin grit his teeth, struggling not to turn to her and ask why the hell she's here then. What use was a spirit that couldn't use any of its artes?

"So, what, you just stand there?"

"Jude requested I keep watch."

Right. Just what he wanted to hear.

So. Things didn't look good. They had an 11-year-old for defense, him carrying an unconscious teenager, and one useless spirit following them around like a lost puppy. Exactly what he needed. If things could get worse, he didn't want to find out.

Alvin hefted Jude onto his back as quickly as he could without falling face-first into rock and ice. With both hands holding the kid up, he really was defenseless. Again, not great, but— when he looked back at Elize, she stood tall. Her eyes were kept on the area around them as though daring anything to get close. He could see the way she shook, though, and the tight grip she had on her staff was doing little to hide it.

Jude's breath on his neck came out slow, labored, like it was a struggle. He was more deadweight than anything else, and- Alvin tried not to think about it. His legs felt weak enough as is. If he didn't find his footing, there would be no one to pick him up, and Elize would be dealing with this alone. He could break down after they got to a safer location and figured out what to do.

Ugh, someone remind him to never have kids. This was enough responsibility for a lifetime.

"Okay," Alvin breathed, licking his lips. "Okay. Let's be careful, yeah?"

Elize nodded, and they walked. Alvin kept one eye on his surroundings, one eye on Elize, and just about all of his brain on what the hell he was going to do next. Jude was out cold - ha, his heart sank - and the only thing Alvin could really do was make sure they stayed alive. He was sure as hell going to try his damn best, but there was only so much they could do. He could sew up a bullet wound, but he couldn't cure a fever.

He had to weigh his options. They stood at a fork, one of the paths leading out of the cave. The harsh sun glinted off the ice on the cave floor, but it wouldn't be like that for long. The temperature inside was colder, but only until nightfall, and from the look of the colors peaking out behind grey clouds, the daylight wouldn't last. If it snowed, too, they'd likely be screwed... Alvin didn't see any overhangs on the rocks, or any thick trees to take shelter under. Unless they managed to hike it back to the marsh before the sun went down, they'd be sitting ducks outside.

It wasn't any better in the cave, either, though... Alvin sighed, scowling at the monsters roaming just around the corner. He knows Elize could handle it, if they wanted to get to whatever was on the other side of the cave, but it was too risky. He was a complete liability, and Jude didn't have much time as is. Setting up camp in a dead end could have its uses, but... it was a gamble. They wouldn't be able to run if they needed it, even if they could reliably defend Jude if it came down to it...

"...Alvin?" It was quiet, but enough to snap him out of his mindless thinking. He looked over to see Elize shifting from foot to foot nervously, glancing around.

"Sorry, princess. Let's get going, yeah?"

She nodded once, holding her staff close. Who was Alvin kidding? Leaving her to defend the two of them was cruel. They couldn't risk the trek outside in either direction. He couldn't do that to her— they were still sporting scrapes and bruises from earlier, anyway. He might be able to take care of Jude, but two sick kids was too much, even for him.

Dead end it was.

They walked slowly, Alvin taking the lead as they inched around a corner towards their temporary sickbay. He felt his shoulders fall in relief the second he noticed the corridor was empty, leading to a nice, sturdy wall to camp out in front of until their kid doctor stopped playing dead.

Pressed into Alvin's neck, Jude mumbled something incoherent, turning restlessly. Something about studying. Alvin was too busy to listen, keeping himself steady and looking back over his shoulder every other minute to make sure they weren't being followed by a monster. Even with Elize and Muzét both there to defend them, Alvin didn't feel any relief until they stepped around the large rock blocking their view of an empty cave.

Elize practically ripped off her bag, rushing into the back of the tunnel. She took out her spare blanket and laid it down, with the bag at the end like some sort of pillow. Something tugged at his heart when he watched her sit back expectantly, looking up at him with wide yet determined eyes. Yet the way she continuously wiped her palms on the ends of her dress gave everything away.

It would be a lie to say he was fairing any better. The hell was he supposed to do now? Pulling Jude off his back and setting him down was easy enough. The kid barely moved, face crumpling the second he was set down. He let out a choked breath, and Alvin watched with his heart in his throat, too frozen to move, until he settled, exhaling.

At the very least, he was significantly less blue in the face than he was ten minutes ago. His cheeks were still flushed, and it looked almost as though he was sweating through his clothes. Which was exactly what they didn't need— it wasn't like Jude had any replacements anymore. The ruined bag sat heavy at Alvin's hip.

There were a few gels left. Nothing that'll really help, though... did gels even help with sickness? He'd never bothered to try it out.

That was fine. They could work with this.

Getting their cooking supplies out was easy enough. Elize stuck her tongue out when Alvin moved to start putting things together, Teepo zipping around her head in agreement. He did what was probably an exaggerated gag, but he was a doll, so he looked stupid doing it. It was easy enough to ignore them when he was busy digging through his bag for whatever leftover fire starters he had left.

It wasn't a lot— a small group of sticks wrapped in plain cloth, and his small satchel of pine needles to go with it. It wasn't easy setting it up, either, his fingers stiff from the cold and struggling to unwrap anything. His lighter was all but crushed, though, which made everything considerably harder. He knew how to use his knife and flint, sure, but that didn't mean he enjoyed it.

"Would you like my assistance?" Alvin didn't jump - really, he didn't - but Muzét was too damn close. She smiled sweetly, as though she hadn't done a thing.

He sighed, inching away from his makeshift firepit. "Have at it."

He watched her hold her hand out, gently, fire blooming from her pale fingers. It cast their little hovel into an orange glow, shadows stretching above them and ice melting from the sudden heat. Pins and needles spread through his fingers, but it was nice knowing they hadn't gone completely numb in the past few hours.

The canteen at his hip was full, at least, and the spare in his bag was, too. Sometimes it did pay to be prepared. Especially knowing if they ran out of food and water they'd die from dehydration before they could starvation. It was the little things that made life worth it. He poured the first one into the pot, anyway, handing the second to Elize. She let out a quiet 'thank you', watching him.

Whatever Alvin was making could've passed for normal soup until he dropped a couple of apple gels in it.

"You can't make her eat that!" Teepo yelled. Or maybe hissed— it was a strange mix of both, with enough venom to make Alvin laugh.

"I wasn't going to. That is for sicky back there." Alvin rolled his eyes, reaching into his bag to pull out the last of his dried fruits. "It's not much, but you can have this instead."

Elize took his offering hesitantly, glancing up at him with a frown when she opened the bag. He hoped there was more in there than he remembered, but he knew the odds of that. They needed to get out of this damn cave.

"Ooooh," Teepo looked over her shoulder. "You like dried mango, don't you, Elize?"

She nodded, hiding behind her bangs. Then, she paused, looking up. "What about you? Aren't you going to eat, too?"

Alvin shrugged. "Not hungry."

A tiny lie. Nothing that meant much, in the grand scheme of things. He'd gone to bed hungry before. Now was no different. What kind of gentleman let a little girl starve, anyway?

"You should take it, Elize," Teepo said. "You're starving!"

"N-no I'm not!" Elize glared at him, her face turning red. Alvin hummed, going back to his makeshift stove. He really, really wished he'd had the foresight to have more food on him. Not that anyone could've guessed the way that fight was gonna go. It was a good thing it was just the three of them. Technically— Teepo and Muzét didn't need to eat, anyway. That likely saved their skins.

Elize fumbled, moving to sit down next to him, cradling the bag he'd given her in her hands. When she looked up again, eyes hiding behind her bangs, Alvin just shrugged at her. Teepo let out what was a pretty spot on imitation of a scoff for something that couldn't even breathe. But Elize didn't need his permission to eat. He'd given her the bag, wasn't that permission enough?

Behind him, there was a small cough, the sound of shifting fabric, and silence. Alvin let out a breath. This was probably the only time in his life he wished he paid more attention to the kid's medical nonsense— how was he supposed to tell the difference between a normal cough and someone begging for air? Alvin wouldn't know. He'd never choked someone to death before.

Another cough. Elize looked back, biting at her lip. "I'm worried..."

"Never see anyone get sick before?" Alvin asked. He watched her set the now empty bag down near his knee.

"Not really..." she said. "I didn't know a lot of people before I met Jude..."

"And he's really good at keeping people healthy!" Teepo said.

Alvin nodded. Another cough, and a startling gasp. When he looked back, Jude was rolling onto his back, arm twitching. He looked just as sick now as he did earlier, if not worse. At the very least, he didn't look like a body, anymore, even if that meant he was as red as a tomato, and breathing like he'd just run a marathon. If he knew there was a chance there'd be anything in there, Alvin would search through their bags again. But there wasn't any medicine left. None that'd help him, anyway.

He turned back to the fire.

There wasn't much they could do here. That much he realized. The thought made whatever twisted in his gut crawl up his throat, and it took everything he had to push it back down. He wasn't— there wasn't anything to be worried about. Jude might be a doctor, but he was also an idiot. He'd been through worse than a harsh cold. Something as small as this wasn't going to take him down.

It was quiet, again. Elize had taken to holding her hands over the fire, Teepo dozing in her lap. Muzét watched Alvin stir the pot listlessly, some sort of hidden meaning behind her gaze that he wasn't willing to look into. Even if he was, he was a bit distracted, splitting his attention between their small group of weirdos and Jude behind him. He hadn't made any noise in a while, but—

Another cough. Speak of the devil. It was almost pitiful, followed by a sharp, guttural gasp.

Alvin whipped around just in time to watch Jude roll to his side, curling in on himself. Alvin's jacket fell off his shoulders. His hand clenched at his chest, grabbing at the fabric in a futile attempt to stop his breaths from turning into a struggle. Alvin almost tripped on his rush over; the warmth of the fire left him almost immediately, and he hung by Jude's side with his hands helplessly in the air like— like what? What the hell was he going to do?

Jude's face twisted while he gasped, knuckles pressing against his— shit. His ribs. He couldn't breathe.

His hand grasped weakly at the ground. Alvin almost went to grab it, hand stopping above his elbow.

"Now would be a great time for spirit artes, lady." Alvin hissed.

Muzét did a poor imitation of a frown, ears falling. "I have recovered little of my mana. The best I am capable of is casting fire."

Then what use are you, Alvin thought. He bit his cheek, relishing in the sudden taste of blood. It was almost magic, the way pain cleared out his head. It wasn't the same for Jude, though— he gasped and heaved, digging his forehead into the ground.

Damn them. He'd almost completely forgotten about the kid's injuries. His fever had been too pressing— when did he get so careless? Taking a ride on Alvin's back and having them be put under so much pressure probably wasn't as good as an idea as he thought. It was the exact opposite of what any of them needed or wanted and the consequences were killing him.

"Elize," Alvin pulled at Jude's shoulder, but his head just lolled back into the ground. Great, great great great-

He heard her fumble her way over before he saw her. "What do I-"

"Can you heal him?" The question came out quickly, harsher than he meant to.

The startled jump gave her away before words could. "I- I don't..."

Alvin didn't need to turn to know what her eyes were focused on. She had barely looked away from Jude's prone form since they'd set him down, hands wringing the fabric of her dress until it was more wrinkles than fabric.

"I don't know..." There was something in her voice he wasn't sure he'd ever heard before. It pulled at his heart, even as he pushed the feeling as far back as he could manage. When she spoke again, her voice was strangled, like the words took everything she had to say. "I don't... I've never healed something like this before..!"

It had always just been scrapes and bruises. Maybe a sprain or two. He knew that. Everyone knew that— it was some sort of unspoken rule to have Leia and Jude take care of their biggest injuries, just like how it was a rule to not get any injuries.

That's why it was so unsettling to watch Jude struggle to breathe. Alvin had seen his fair share of bumps and bruises - including ones much bloodier than these - but Elize was only a kid. She'd been locked up her whole life, and Jude was always risking his own damn health and time to keep them safe. If he were awake, he'd be worrying over Elize's bruised arms, and the scrapes on her knees. He would have sat Alvin down, no matter how annoying he was, and made sure that yes, Jude, he was perfectly fine, thank you.

Jude was out of it, now, though. He was heaving, trying to take in whatever air he could without breathing in too deep. If Alvin leaned in, he could probably hear the disgusting way his ribs twisted and cracked with each gasp.

They didn't have time for this.

"Elize," turning to look her in the eyes, face to face, felt foreign to him. There would be no looking down on her now. "If you don't help him, he could die. Can you heal him?"

"I'll try, but... I'm scared. What if I can't do it? What if I hurt him?"

Teepo shook his— uh, head? "What if the arte doesn't work? Then he'll-"

"No." Alvin interrupted his squabbling with something similar to poorly disguised venom. Shit, he was bad at this. "Don't finish that sentence. Didn't you say you'd do anything to help him?"

"Yes, but..." She started to wring her hands, looking between him and Jude.

This was something he was used to— Elize had been somewhat shy since the day they met. Too shy to speak up when Jude left her behind, too shy to tell Milla she could help them fight. If it weren't for Teepo, he wondered if she would speak up at all. Alvin expected this. They all did. She was only a kid.

Out of the corner of his eye, Alvin could see Muzét tilt her head. She hummed. "What is it that you are afraid of?"

But he almost never expected what Teepo had to say in her place. It always surprised him, like a slap to the face, as though he hadn't learned what the two of them were like by then. Or maybe it was just how honest the doll was compared to her.

"It's Elize's fault Jiao died, isn't it?" Teepo said, his voice gentle, quiet. Just another thing he didn't expect. "What if Jude's next?"

"It wasn't-" Alvin cut himself off with a sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose. Tightly. Maybe if he pressed hard enough, he would get a headache that warranted this conversation.

Not that he was even sure how he would continue it. As tempting as it was to ignore what she just said, he couldn't, just, do that, right? Again. Too much responsibility for a lifetime. This was... Rowen's place. Milla's, sometimes, when she wasn't being as blunt as a razor's edge. This wasn't Alvin's skill set. At all.

But. He was the only one there. And there was too much grief in her for a child to handle.

The image in his head of himself fourteen years ago, looking into the bathroom mirror with sunken eyes, was quickly torn apart and compartmentalized into several different boxes, each situated with a lock and key he would hopefully never find ever again. What a day they were having.

"Look," Alvin swallowed, hoping he sounded softer than he knew he did. Elize hesitated, lifting her gaze up from the ground. "I can't help him right now. Muzét doesn't have any healing artes." - that they knew of, that damn snake - "You're his best shot. You gonna take it, or not?"

Alvin wasn't made for these talks, but she took a long, hard look at Jude, anyway. She was looking for something, but he didn't know what. Nor did he ask. This was something she needed to find herself.

She must have found it, too, because Elize clenched her hands into fists with a nod. She gripped her staff with a conviction he was worried she didn't have.

"You can do this, Elize!" Teepo said. The obnoxious cheers grated on his ears, but at least he wasn't asking questions about morality and death anymore. Alvin would take whatever win he could get at this point.

"Okay..." she lowered herself to her knees, laying her staff over her lap. She let one hand rest on it softly, and the other slowly reached out to hold Jude's trembling hand. Elize had always been pale, but seeing Jude's ashen skin against hers was sickening. "Okay. I don't know how much help this will be... but I will try my best!"

It didn't take long for a gentle white glow to emanate from her staff, reaching forward and snaking over Elize's arm until it fell into Jude's palm. Alvin shifted, moving to block their figures from the opening in the cave— hopefully, the light wouldn't attract anything, but just in case it did, he would be the first to be spotted. It was only fair.

The light wasn't harsh, though. It was quiet, it was soothing. This glow was a drastic difference to the harsh, blinding lights of Leia's artes, but he couldn't say it was unwelcome. A little more color returned to Jude's skin, but he wasn't sure if that was an illusion or not— the light may be warm, but it was also just that. Light.

It was nice, though. A little bit of warmth returned to Alvin's skin, hopefully delaying his own inevitable crash and burn.

When Elize's shoulders started to shake, and the light began to dim, Jude let out a quiet exhale. He shifted, turning to lie on his back. The hand that had been twisted into his shirt fell to his side. Sweat still coated his forehead, and he still looked as flushed as he did before, but he could breathe without sounding like a chain smoker. Or without giving Alvin a heart attack.

He was shivering, again, at least. Or maybe he had been earlier, too, and he'd never been in danger of hypothermia in the first place. Alvin couldn't really tell, he was pretty focused on the whole "not being able to breathe" thing.

Pushing against his knees, Alvin leaned forward, pulling his jacket back over Jude's shoulders. He tucked the loose fabric into his sides as carefully as he could manage. Jude didn't move, though, barely even twitched. It didn't give him the same anxiety he felt before— if anything, it was a relief. At least the kid was breathing, now.

His hands hovered over Jude's head, ghosting over where his bangs were glued to his face. He looked like shit. He was alive, though, and that made Alvin's heart clench for a reason he didn't want to think about. The faint touch of Jude's breath against his wrist was a wake-up call, enough for him to pull his arm back, looking away.

"Um..." Elize inched closer, glancing up at him. "He should be okay now, right?"

Alvin let his hand fall, fingers clenching into a fist. He tried to give her a smile. "Told you he'd be fine. You did good."

The relief she must've felt was palpable. Elize let out a sigh that sounded like she was twenty years older than she really was. Teepo fell a little, too, in that ridiculous way of his that meant he was done for the day. At least she'd eaten a little, earlier; it'd be easier getting her to sleep this way. He would've taken on those babysitting jobs he'd gotten as a teenager if he knew this was how his life would turn...

"Go rest," he said, gently pushing at her shoulder. Elize looked up at him lazily, eyes drooping. He huffed. "You're already practically asleep."

"Am not." A yawn interrupted her pout.

"Don't kids your age need their nap time?"

Teepo glared at him from within Elize's arms. "How can we trust you to stay? You could run away at any time!"

"And, what? Freeze to death?" Alvin huffed, crossing his arms. He would be lying if he said the distrust didn't make him wince. "I'm good."

That made Elize deflate, at least. Whatever fight she had left in her left almost instantly. It was a relief— it wasn't as if he was going to leave, anyway. Where the hell would he even go? Alvin couldn't imagine the situation was any better or worse from where they were right now.

Besides, it felt... wrong, to leave two kids alone like this. Elize might be able to defend herself, but as Jude was, he was as useless as a baby. Yeah, he wouldn't be going anywhere if he could help it. Muzét didn't exactly count as adult supervision.

She didn't move though, just fiddled with her sleeves. "Okay, but... what if Jude needs help while I'm asleep?"

"Since you can't heal him, Elize is the best he's got, right?" Teepo asked. Alvin held back a sigh. He didn't know what he had to do to get them to calm down at this point, but he'd do anything to not be the one to have to do it. The one time he wanted Milla's help, and she wasn't even there. Figures.

"He'll be fine," Alvin said, because it was true. That, at least, he was confident in. "You healed the worst of it. I can handle the rest."

Teepo leaned in close, glaring. "You're suuure?"

"Yes, geez, put some trust in a guy, will you?"

Wrong choice of words. Whatever. Elize didn't look convinced, but she didn't say anything, choosing to turn away from him and towards the fire. He watched her curl up at the end of the blanket by Jude's feet, hands tucked under her head. She didn't look cold - she was wearing enough layers that it probably made up for anything she was lacking - but he couldn't help but wish he had something to give her, too.

Before long, her breaths evened out, and she was fast asleep. He looked back towards the fire, where his cooking supplies lay abandoned. It was useless thinking. Alvin traveled light, and he did so for a reason. If he had any idea they'd be this close to Kanbalar for this long, maybe he would have brought more supplies, but really, can anyone blame him? They were just in the marsh infamous for its gross humidity and weird spirit clime.

It didn't matter. Elize would sleep just fine. Teepo was curled up in her arms, like some sort of freaky cat, and he'd probably do his best to keep her warm. Whatever that meant. Sometimes, Alvin forgot he wasn't a pet and was just a magic doll.

From the corner of his eyes, Alvin watched Muzét circle the fire, sitting across from him. "You're not going to rest with them? I am excellent at keeping watch, if needed."

If 'excellent' meant 'willing to let my charge die of hypothermia', then he'd have to agree. He almost wished he could say that to her face.

"I'm not tired," is what he said instead. "Spirits don't sleep, right?" - he didn't need her answer, but she nodded anyway - "Then you'll have company."

Not that Alvin wanted company. He wasn't sure if Muzét did, either, because she only nodded again, keeping silent. It was more like this was her idea of company, probably, but he wouldn't complain. He'd barely had any time to think, let alone come to terms with what'd happened earlier. It felt like there was a rock in his gut— he wondered, idly, if this was how everyone else felt when he'd stabbed them in the back?

Probably not, unless they'd been planning to kill him as long as he'd been waiting for the chance to kill Gilland. If their loss in Fezebel Marsh gave them anything it was this.

He stirred the pot idly, keeping his eyes on the fire like it'd blow out at any second. Time had passed, but he didn't know how much, and Muzét only stared and stared. It was kind of unsettling, but it wasn't like he was paying her any mind. She could do whatever she wanted, for all he cared.

Alvin had to keep his grip tight, shaking fingers threatening to drop the spoon entirely. The fire helped, but full-body shivers still raked his body, the cold sinking deeper and deeper into his bones. Maybe it'd been stupid to give up both his scarf and his coat, but there weren't exactly many choices, were there? Either Jude freezes to death or he does, and as it stands he has more of a chance than the possibly hypothermic 15-year-old.

He didn't even know how they got here. Sure, Gilland lied to him. But how did he get here? In this cave, stuck with two kids waiting for a monster to swallow them whole? It was stupid. This wasn't supposed to be a part of the damn job.

Something shuffled, followed by the sound of more mumbling. When Alvin turned, it was just in time to watch Jude twist onto his side again, blearily blinking his eyes open. They didn't sweep across the area, though, or even look at Alvin himself. If anything, it was almost like Jude was staring straight through him. He started mumbling again, and Alvin leaned in closer to listen.

"...s'pposed to... class." Jude blinked, chest heaving. He sluggishly pushed his arm up. "Class. Have to... class. Get to class."

It was difficult to watch him try to push himself up, and how he'd fall back nearly every time. His arms shook with the effort, face flushed, breathing hard. Alvin tried not to look him in the eyes— they were wide, unseeing, almost glassy. Wherever he was, he wasn't here, and it would be worrying if it wasn't so unnerving. Jude was looking at something he couldn't see, talking in disjointed sentences while trying to keep himself from falling back down. It was...

Jude looked up, frowning, finally managing to sit upright. "He's... class. I'm late."

Alvin swallowed. Jude staring at something that wasn't there was— he didn't like it. It almost reminded him of his mom, the way his eyes would chase things that weren't moving or things Alvin couldn't see. He was talking nonsense, words slurring together under his breath, like a drunk. It was a stark difference to the way he'd wake up, almost as calm as he was when he'd fallen asleep. Always grumpy, sometimes rushed, but never delirious. That was more Leia's thing, and maybe any other day it'd be funny, but Jude's wide-eyed panic wasn't particularly funny at the moment.

Idly, he realized he was the one who was supposed to stop Jude from stumbling out of the cave and into the jaws of a giant beast. Which was exactly what Jude was trying to do, his back falling against the cave wall after an unsuccessful attempt at lifting himself up. Alvin's coat fell off his shoulders again, but either Jude didn't notice or the cold didn't bother him, because he just tried pushing himself up again.

He really wished there was someone else here with him. What the hell was he supposed to do? Alvin wasn't equipped for this. When he looked back across the fire, Muzét only shrugged, smiling, and Elize was somehow miraculously still sleeping, curled up next to the space Jude used to occupy. Not that he'd ask either of them for help. Elize was 12 and Muzét was probably just as clueless as he was. Great.

Alvin inched forward, hesitantly putting his hands up to— he's not sure, actually. Grab him? Seem as placating as possible? Jude didn't shrink away from him, so he probably didn't even recognize Alvin was there at all. Whatever was going on in his head... Jude wasn't in that cave anymore. It made him wonder if the kid usually hallucinated during episodic fevers, or if today was just Alvin's special day.

Jude kept mumbling - something about getting to the 'lab', this time, whatever that meant - finally stumbling to his knees. He leaned against the wall, blinking rapidly, out of breath just from the effort of keeping upright. Would it actually get to the point that he'd try and wander out of the cave? Alvin didn't really want to find out.

"C'mon, kid," Alvin took another step forward, glancing over at Elize. It was a miracle she was still sleeping. "Let's get you back to bed, yeah?"

When Jude looked up, shaking his head and his eyes out of focus, he almost met Alvin's eyes. "Test today. Can't miss it."

There weren't a lot of ways he could think of to tell Jude that he hadn't been to school in almost a year. So he swallowed, keeping still. "Uh, right. That— it got canceled, remember?"

"No, he would've told me," Alvin wasn't exactly sure who this he was, but Jude seemed convinced. He shook his head harder this time, seemingly unaware of the way it made him sway. His hand dug into the ice hard enough for the leather in his gloves to crack.

Alvin didn't want to wait for Jude to just get up and leave, like he probably intended. He reached out, one hand on each arm. He squeezed, once, wishing Jude would stop looking through him and start looking at him.

Jude lurched back. "Let go of me!"

"I told you," Alvin said, keeping him steady. He tried not to let the rabid, fearful look in Jude's eyes get to him. "Class is canceled."

Jude struggled, but the effort was too much, even if he didn't get anywhere. He gasped out for breath, looking around wildly. "N-no. Let go-"

"Jude," Alvin squeezed his arms, fingers digging into his coat. It was almost robotic, the way the fight left him immediately, eyes clearing. Alvin was suddenly left holding up almost all of Jude's weight as he slumped over.

The kid was heavier than he looked, but Alvin didn't dare move. His heart hammered in his chest, throat tight. This was exactly why he got someone else to play caretaker for his mom— he didn't have it in him to keep this up for another minute, let alone another day. How long would it take until Jude could stand on his own? Would he sleep through the night, or was he one of the kids that got worse after the sun fell? Alvin wasn't sure he wanted to find out.

Jude weakly lifted himself up, blearily looking at Alvin through dazed eyes. "Alvin? What..."

'What' was probably the best response to that, he thought.

"Yeah, that's me," Alvin said. He didn't make eye contact. "You with us?"

Jude rubbed at his eyes, digging his palm into his eyelids. "Sorry... I thought... wasn't I at school..?"

"Sure," Alvin said, tentatively giving up his grip on Jude's arms. It was easy, guiding Jude back to his very shitty, very small makeshift futon. "I'll tell you all about it when you're not delusional."

Jude nodded, practically falling into the same spot he'd been in earlier. "Don't forget... my alarm."

"Yeah," Alvin's throat felt tight. He pulled his coat back over Jude, for the third time that day. "For class. Right. I'll do that."

The difference between awake-Jude and asleep-Jude was almost disturbing. The second his eyes closed, his body fell limp, like the way a puppet collapses the second its strings are cut. Alvin could see his chest steadily rise and fall, though. It was reassuring, slightly. Just enough for Alvin's shoulders to fall, a deep sigh escaping him.

"Humans are so strange," Muzét said, in a way that was eerily similar to Milla. "Does he realize he is in a cave? Rather far from a classroom, no?"

Alvin wasn't sure Jude even realized he was awake. He had that look in his eyes— the same one his mom had, when she was mumbling nonsense, even when he tried talking to her. It wasn't the same - not even close. Jude should count his blessings - but he'd seen it before. Muzét probably hadn't, for all she knew about the world. "He was just hallucinating. It happens."

"Is it really that dire, if a human got sick?" She asked. Alvin shrugged.

"Sometimes." Not often, actually. Jude just seemed to be very good at doing things that made other people worry about him. Or maybe that was a teenager thing. Alvin wouldn't know, he didn't talk to enough teenagers to know the difference.

There weren't many times he'd gotten sick as a kid to remember— maybe once or twice, but he couldn't remember if it'd ever been enough to wipe him out as much as it did Jude. There was just an imprint of those days stuck in the back of his mind, where he could almost feel his mom's hand on his forehead, even if he couldn't see the picture.

Alvin turned back towards the fire, swallowing back the lump in his throat. Reminiscing had never been his thing, anyway.

The second time Jude woke, Alvin didn't notice for longer than he wanted to admit. He'd been busy watching the wolves distantly stalk around the corner until they finally disappeared from sight. He felt himself jump the second he realized Jude's eyes were on him. Like some sort of freaky bird, following Alvin's every move. Even as he waved skeptically, slowly, Jude didn't move. Just watched, blinking slowly.

Tucked underneath a coat five sizes too big, watching Alvin sleepily, he looked more like a child then than he did on most days.

He would get up when he was ready. So Alvin turned back towards the fire, sharing an odd look with Muzét. She'd been silent most of the day, but there was an expression in her eyes that spoke more than words ever could. It was strange— he didn't take her as the caring type. She was distant, calculated, even despite her curious nature. And she was never the first to look away.

Alvin looked back towards the fire, reaching for the bowl he set aside for Jude hours ago, now. The poor excuse for soup he'd put together was still warming above the fire. Alvin hadn't taste-tested it yet, and he was sure he wasn't gonna. It poured into the bowl with ease, so that probably meant it wasn't as gross as he thought, right?

Setting the bowl to the side, steam rising off it, Alvin turned back to Jude. He was clumsily tugging himself up, a hand weakly grabbing at the edges of Alvin's coat to keep it on his shoulders. His body still trembled slightly.

All right. That was enough watching the sick 15-year-old struggle, he thought. Alvin reached out a hand. "Hang on a minute. I can help."

Jude's nod was the smallest of movements, face paling at the sudden motion. The hand gripping Alvin's coat tightened, but it was still weak, the fabric barely crumbling at his fingertips.

Getting Jude up was harder than it was putting him down. His arms shook as he used what little strength he had to push himself up, shrugging away from Alvin's help until he couldn't move on his own anymore. So they went slowly, painstakingly inching towards the fire until Jude was close enough to keep warm and far enough not to burn his skin off. Or Alvin's coat. Jude picked at some of its loose threads restlessly.

 "...you're awake now, right?" Alvin raised an eyebrow. "I'm not sitting with a hallucinating teenager?"

Jude rolled his eyes. "You already asked that. I'm fine, really."

Yeah, fine. He hadn't stopped shaking. "Sure. No more fever, or anything?"

"I don't think so," Jude said. He wouldn't look up from the fire. "Bit cold, but... that's a good sign, I think. I don't remember much, but it was so hot earlier."

Huh. "Then what do you remember?"

Jude paused. It was quiet for a moment, but Alvin looked up just in time to see Jude's cheeks heat up, arms crossed over his chest tightly. "Did I... really think I was in school? I could have sworn I tried to get up and leave..."

Oh, so that's what got the kid all worked up. Really, the whole 'I need to get to class' thing was pretty tame considering everything that happened before it. Alvin would even rate it below Jude nearly suffocating to death, even though that seemed pretty average compared to what they got into on a daily basis. Maybe it was a mix of his helplessness, or the illness, or the disaster that was the war in Fezebel Marsh, but it was a close one. Too close.

Note for future self: check if a person's ribs are broken before you carry them on your back. Maybe the guilt tugging at his chest would go away, if he remembered.

Alvin bit back a grin. "Nope. No idea what you're talking about."

"Oh." Jude let out a heavy sigh. "That's good."

"You have a pretty nice left hook, though," Alvin said. He reached for the bowl he'd set to the side, listening to Jude stutter.

"Did I actually-"

"Pfft. No," he shoved the bowl into Jude's face, holding back a laugh when he nearly fell over at the sudden movement. "Here. Eat up."

Jude grabbed the bowl, moving slowly. He set it down in his lap, peering at its contents. Somewhere in front of them, he thought he heard Muzét giggle.

"...what is this?" Jude asked, narrowed eyes staring down at his spoon. From this angle, Alvin could only just barely see his twisted reflection in the liquid. He hated to admit it, but the kid was kind of right— what the hell was that?

Alvin shrugged. "It's soup."

"Um... right." He didn't sound too convinced. Too bad. Jude took a tentative sip, anyway, barely holding back a grimace. "It's... um. It tastes-"

"Like shit?"

"-fine. It tastes fine." Jude swallowed, face neutral. Or maybe he was just exhausted— he looked like he would topple over at any second. "Did you... put apple gels in this?"

"Maybe?"

They didn't actually have much food on them suited for sick people. For some reason, Alvin doubted Jude could stomach any dried foods.

"I'm not going to ask." That was for the best. Jude sighed. "How long have you been up?"

Good question. Alvin hummed, frowning. There wasn't exactly any way to reasonably tell time in this place. His watch had a crack down the center, and it stopped moving ages ago. Probably needed to get that fixed, but that was also, probably, the least of his worries right now. Exhaustion pulled at his eyes, his bones feeling like they had turned into lead. It didn't take a lot to worry Jude, but he was almost certain he looked like shit, anyway.

Alvin shrugged again, giving Jude a sideways glance. The kid was still staring into the fire, eyes half-lidded. A little lie wouldn't hurt. "Dunno. Not long, though. Elize healed the worst of it, so you haven't been out long."

Slowly, Jude dragged his eyes to meet Alvin's gaze. "Really?" His words were slow, uncoordinated. He blinked once, twice, like he was trying to keep himself awake. "I must've felt worse than I actually was, then, I guess." 

Alvin knows he responded, but what exactly he said seemed to slip from his mind. It likely wasn't anything important, though. Jude only nodded, a small jerk of his head, as he went back to eating. They sat in silence, neither of them looking at each other. Or, Alvin wasn't. His eyes never looked away from the fire, so maybe Jude was judging him when he wasn't looking. It didn't really matter to him.

He needed to know how they would get out of there. That was the most important thing to figure out, easily. Jude was feeling better, but it was only a matter of time before that "better" turned back to "worse". Alvin had seen enough people fall sick to know it would happen eventually. They weren't in an environment suited for recovery, and there were few other places they could escape to. Elize could likely leave on her own, but Kanbalar was likely in chaos. Sending her there alone wouldn't exactly be smart, considering Exodus wanted her, too. She may be strong, but he wasn't going to leave that up to chance.

They didn't have many supplies, though. The cave ahead of them was filled with cliffs that had no safe ways down or up, not without scaling them. And with a glance Jude's way, he knew the shake in the kid's arms would only be a liability. Jude being here at all was a liability. But he- Alvin couldn't just leave him behind. Not this time.

Not for the first time, and surely not the last, Alvin was cursing himself for listening to his stupid feelings. None of this was supposed to happen. If he were a smarter man - a worse man - he would have killed Milla the second he realized he could.

He heard Jude sigh, and the clink of his spoon against the bowl. "...did you really got enough rest?"

That- that feeling pulled at his heart again. He swallowed. "Yeah, sure."

"And you're sure you're okay?" Jude asked, as sincere as he's been since day one. Alvin had long since learned it wasn't naivety.

"Don't worry about me," Alvin said, looking away. "I've done worse things."

If Jude found that an odd thing to say, he didn't mention it. Silence fell between them. If Alvin had to be thankful for anything, it would be that.

The fire was starting to dim. It wasn't gone, not yet, but the shadows it cast grew smaller and smaller as the hours went on. It left a deep stain against the ice, ashes almost blending into the rock, but not quite. The measly pile of firewood Alvin had been able to use was all but gone. It wouldn't be as dangerous to try and get more, now that Jude was conscious, he guessed... but the weird feeling pooling in his gut wouldn't go away.

He heard Muzét hum from behind them, and could feel the stare of her eyes against his back.

"Something wrong, Muzét?" Jude asked.

She hummed again. "Not necessarily. How are you feeling?"

"Fine, I guess." Jude set down his bowl, stretching his arms above his head. Alvin watched him wince when his shoulders popped. "I'd feel even better if we could get out of here. I could handle a walk or two."

"Yeah, right," Alvin rolled his eyes. "You were practically on death's door."

Jude frowned. "I'm fine now, though. Milla and the others-"

"Will be fine." Alvin leaned back, letting his elbows fall to his knees. "Even if you were fine enough to walk, the road ahead's got a bunch of cliff faces we'd need to climb. You couldn't handle a steep incline, let alone a mountain."

It was the truth, this time— he and Elize had seen enough of the cave to know they weren't in a good enough shape for that. For as narrow as the cave itself was, it ran deep, with no safe route to travel without having to climb up or down several feet at once. Not to mention the freaky ice wolves and walking rocks... they didn't stand a chance. Not with Jude still struggling to keep himself upright, and Elize exhausted from using so much mana.

Sitting ducks, yada yada. They'd be fine— Alvin would make sure of it.

Jude's shoulders sagged. "Oh..."

Man, he looked bummed. Alvin threw an arm around him, faking a smile easier than he did breathe. "Pfft, don't look so down! Isn't this a good thing? Then you won't get sick again."

"My immune system isn't that bad," Jude mumbled, ducking his head. "After the fever breaks, and symptoms begin to improve, the human body-"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Jude bristled at the interruption, trying to wiggle out of Alvin's hold. It didn't take long before he huffed, blowing his bangs out of the way and giving up entirely. "That's not what Leia said, remember? She said you get sick easier than a dog."

Jude rolled his eyes, biting back a fond smile. "Yeah, well, Leia's 'get sick easy' and my 'get sick easy' are two different things. She gets ill just from standing in the wind for too long."

That wasn't wrong— Leia really did get sick from standing in the wind for too long. He'd seen it happen. Multiple times. She was as good at getting sick as she was healing others. It would be impressive if it wasn't also mildly concerning. Alvin never had the same experience. He'd never been down long or hard enough for it to matter. Not as far as he can remember, anyway. It wasn't - it isn't - something he could afford.

Alvin shrugged. "So? You got sick from a little swim. Same thing isn't it?"

"Not really... besides, if we don't get going now, who knows what could happen?"

It's almost like Jude wanted to faint again. For someone who was in school to be a doctor, he was seriously stupid when it came to his own damn health. Alvin resisted the urge to press his hands to his temple, the blooming headache behind his eyes becoming almost too much to bear. He sighed, though, leaning back towards the fire. If Jude didn't get himself killed first, Alvin would definitely be next.

"You're gonna get yourself killed like this, kid."

Jude scowled. "I'm not going to keel over from a cold."

"Didn't say you were," Alvin said, though Jude looked like he didn't agree. Too bad. That wasn't what Alvin meant, anyway. "A little rest won't hurt. I'm not taking care of you if you pass out again."

Another lie. Jude saw through it easily. "Sure. I'm not going to pass out, though."

"You look rather ill, Jude," Muzét said. "Are you certain?"

He rolled his eyes. "I'm fine. Really."

He didn't sound fine. Not really— it was almost like Jude was speaking through seafoam. There was an incline in his posture, like he was struggling to keep himself upright, and that was all he could manage. Alvin would call it impressive he was up at all, if he didn't think it was also stupid.

Before they could argue further, he heard Elize mumble. They turned just in time to watch her shift, curling up further. She looked even smaller than she usually did, somehow. Teepo twitched in her arms, snoring loud enough for the both of them. It brought a small smile to Jude's face, and he moved to pull the rest of the blanket around her as carefully as his shaking arms would allow.

"Guess you're not going back to sleep then, huh, kid." Alvin sighed. Jude looked over his shoulder, giving him a lopsided smile.

"I'm not that tired." Another lie. At least it wasn't Alvin's, this time. "Besides, she's going to catch a cold this way.

Of all the things... he pinched the bridge of his nose.

"She's not the one still carrying a fever," Alvin mumbled. His words seemed to fall on deaf ears, though. Jude only shook his head, sitting back on his heels.

"So? Younger kids like Elize have smaller bodies, so they carry less body heat," he said. Despite just how much he talked, his words were slow, sluggish. "I'm just making sure she stays warm, is all."

Elize looked comfortable, at least. Snug as a bug. She grabbed at the blanket with one of her hands, bringing it closer, like it'd be taken away. Teepo's - head? - was just above the edge of the blanket, tucked underneath Elize's chin. Alvin knew to look away when he felt himself start to smile.

Jude fell back into the ice next to him, slouched over just from the little energy he'd used up. Whatever burst of adrenaline had gotten him through the last several minutes was starting to wane. Even Alvin could see that, as he watched Jude blink rapidly, yawning into his fist.

"What happened to staying awake?" Alvin said, breathing out a laugh when Jude only blinked again in response. He propped an elbow up on one of his knees, head falling into his open palm. "Just go lay down, kid, seriously. Are you always this stubborn?"

Jude yawned again. "According to Leia."

He didn't like this. It was too quiet. Alvin can't remember the last time he'd sat in place without having to actually do anything. He shifted, trying to keep his eyes on the fire, ignoring the way his palms started to sweat even despite the frigid temperature. Even on nights at the Inn, he was always doing something until he couldn't keep upright anymore. They couldn't afford that, now, though. Maybe if Milla or Rowen had been there, to keep an eye on Jude and Elize, but it was just him. He wasn't sure if he trusted Muzét enough to supervise them... as ironic as that sounded.

He watched her lean against her knees, palm unfurling. She sent another fire arte towards the fire, watching it rise until it was no longer in danger of disappearing. The heat hit him almost immediately; Jude murmured a quiet thanks, and he followed suit.

"Hey, Alvin?" Jude said, or maybe mumbled was the better way to describe it. His eyes were half shut, and he could barely stop yawning to get a word out. "Uh, thanks for taking care of me. I didn't think you had it in you."

"You don't exactly make anything easy." Another lie to add to the pile— he would do it again if he had to.

Jude rubbed at his arm, ducking his head. "Still... you could've just left me. I... know I've been dead weight. I'm sorry."

Alvin grit his teeth, feeling his jaw squeak at the pressure. His stomach twisted itself into knots, and he was suddenly thankful he hadn't eaten, after all. It was disgusting, the way his words crawled under his skin. He wasn't even sure what triggered it— the apology, or the thank you. It didn't matter, though. He let it roll off of him in waves, that easy-going, relaxed posture coming back to him easier than he did breathe.

"What, did you think I'd leave you in some random cave to die?" Alvin asked, that false smile spreading on his lips before he could even register what he was saying. "I thought I'd proved better than that."

"You know that's not what I meant." Jude's shoulders sank. The firelight on his face cast shadows that made him look older than he really was.

His smile fell, and he looked away. "Elize wouldn't have let me, anyway. She was pretty worried about you."

"As was I," Muzét said. She had her hands resting on her knees, pale enough that she almost blended in with the rest of the cave. He wondered if she was cold at all, or if the fire was just so that they didn't freeze to death under her watch.

"Sorry... it won't happen again. But I appreciate everyone looking out for me. It was... nice." Jude said, a small smile on his face. If Alvin listened close enough, he could hear the longing in his voice, and he could pinpoint exactly where it came from. The few times he'd interacted with Jude's father came up in his mind, put to shame by the single instance he'd seen the man talk to his son.

If it were any of them tossing and turning from a high fever, Jude would not be saying those things. 'Deadweight'? He wanted to laugh. Nothing about that day had been relaxing, but 'dead weight' was going a bit far. It was normal for people to get sick after being dumped into floodwaters and then walking through a winter storm. This was just... anyone would do what he had done. It was nothing special, nor was he a saint for it.

Silence stretched between them. Alvin was stuck in a repeating cycle of opening his mouth to speak, but shutting it before he could figure out what to say. If he looked up from where he was staring intently at the fire, drilling holes into the ground, he would see Muzét watching him gape like a fish with amusement in her eyes.

His hand twitched, pulling at a trigger that wasn't there. He was never good with words— one of his worst traits, so other people kept telling him. The letters he sent his mother were sparse, filled with nothing he wanted to say and everything he didn't.

That was probably why he hadn't noticed Jude fell asleep until he was finally ready to speak. Too busy in his own thoughts to hear him start snoring, only really registering it when Alvin had turned his way. The kid was half leaning to the side and half upright, seconds away from falling over entirely. The sight made some sort of noise bubble up in his throat— a weird mix between an irritated groan and a laugh.

It was only a matter of time... he should've expected the kid would be too stubborn to lie down before he fell back asleep.

With a sigh, he grabbed Jude's shoulders with one arm and hooked the other underneath his knees. Alvin's knees popped when he stood, but the walk to where Elize lay wasn't far. Jude wasn't acting as a temporary space heater anymore, which sounded like good news. That made it easier to peel him off of Alvin when he went to set the kid down — Jude had been gripping Alvin's shirt like a lifeline, earlier, even if he'd been weaker than a newborn baby.

Alvin set him down against the wall, just behind Elize. Hopefully, he wouldn't fall over but, hey, that wouldn't be Alvin's problem. Jude curled in on himself while Alvin messed with the collar of his coat again, so that his cheek would be resting against the fabric rather than the icy wall. When he leaned back, carefully stepping over Elize so he wouldn't trip and fall face-first into the fire, it almost looked like Jude had fallen asleep there all along.

He couldn't stop himself from sighing again as he sat down. He pushed back against the bangs falling in his face, looking up. Muzét looked at him, tilting her head.

"So much for staying up, hm?" She said, voice barely registering as a whisper. Alvin couldn't stop himself from letting out a small laugh, glancing back towards the kids. At least someone would sleep well that night.

Alvin let his hand fall to his side, itching to grab at the handle of his gun. All that was left for him to do was stare at the fire, and wait for morning to rise. He let his eyes fall shut, hoping a little rest would make it come faster.