Chapter Text
It became a pattern. They’d meet for lunch once or twice a week, diving into heated book discussions, but nearly every night they found themselves tangled together, tearing off clothes and chasing pleasure in the shadows of Julian’s quarters.
One day, Julian was hanging out with Jadzia, Miles, and Kira. As the night wore on, Miles left early to go back to his family and Kira excused herself from Jadzia’s insistence on one more round of drinks and a turn at Dabo.
In the lull that followed, surrounded by the chatter and laughter of patrons, Jadzia elbowed him with a wicked smile. “So…”
“So…?” Julian responded, slightly wary of that smile. It always meant trouble.
“How is it going with Garak?”
“Oh…! Uhm…”
“I saw you two getting quite passionate at lunch the other day.”
“Oh! That. That was just Garak and his crazy takes on the books we exchanged.” He chuckled awkwardly, hoping the heat rising to his cheeks wouldn’t show. It was far more than that, but he was trying his best to keep it a secret; it didn’t exactly paint a good picture for a Starfleet officer. But with every shared laugh and lingering glance, resisting the urge to touch Garak during their lunches became increasingly impossible.
“Oh, come on, you can’t hide it from me. I know I’m right,” Jadzia pressed, her grin widening. “Was it good?”
Julian’s eyes widened, and he stumbled over his words, earning a hearty laugh from Jadzia. Stars, damn those 300 years of experience.
“That good, huh?” She elbowed him again, her eyes twinkling with amusement.
He lowered his head, a smile threatening to break through. Yes, it had been that good.
“Yeah,” he finally admitted with a smile, leaning his chin against his hand.
“So, I was right after all,” she said smugly.
“Well… we were both right,” he replied hesitantly, his eyes full of unspoken meaning, an eyebrow raised.
“Oh? So, you banged a spy then? How exciting!” Jadzia’s expression shifted to pure delight as she laughed at his expense.
Julian chuckled and gulped down the last drag of his drink. As his cup thudded against the table, Jadzia’s hand found his forearm, her face suddenly serious.
“No, but seriously, Julian. I’m glad you’re enjoying yourself, but be careful, okay? Don’t get too attached.”
He nodded awkwardly, watching as she rose to play Dabo. Yet, he couldn’t shake the sense of dread in his gut. What Jadzia didn’t know—and what he could no longer deny to himself—was that it was already too late.
As Garak walked through the corridors of the station, he felt the usual mix of anticipation and anxiety bubbling within him as he made his way to Julian’s quarters, the prospect of their time together was both thrilling and daunting, yet it had somehow become familiar.
As he turned a corner, Tain stood there with an inscrutable expression. Garak froze under that stare.
“Going somewhere, Elim?” Tain’s voice was commanding and knowing, resonating through the corridor as he stepped forward, blocking Garak’s path.
Garak’s heart raced. “Tain,” he whispered, fighting to keep his composure, the tension between them tangible. “I… was just…” he gave up on his excuse, knowing Tain would see right through him.
“I see you have become closely acquainted with one of the Starfleet officers,” Tain said, a trace of amusement mixed with disdain in his tone. “A delightful specimen, I’ll give you that. You’ve always had a penchant for the prohibited. But how come I haven’t heard anything useful from you yet? I thought you wanted to come back.”
In the silence, Tain pressed on. “Stop playing foolish games, Elim, unless you wish to never step foot on Cardassia again.”
“I am not playing around!” Garak exclaimed, his voice strained with frustration. “You are the one who exiled me here!” He felt a knot tighten in his stomach. “And Julian is more than just a ‘delightful specimen,’” he spat out, frustration rising inside of him. “He’s—”
“More?” Tain’s voice didn’t change in its ruthless calm, but it didn’t stop from lashing deep. “More than a distraction from your true purpose?” Tain continued, his gaze sharp as he appraised Garak. “You were always so easily swayed by sentiment.” Tain shook his head in disapproval.
Garak opened his mouth to protest, but Tain continued, his voice dropping to a more serious tone. “You must remember who you are, what you were meant to be. Emotions cloud judgment; they lead to weakness.”
As Garak squared his shoulders, ready to reply, a strange energy rippled through the man in front of him—and as suddenly as he had appeared he was gone.
Garak released a long breath, feeling as though his heart had been crushed. A tumult of longing and icy dread washed over him. What had just happened? Had that really been Tain? It couldn’t be true. It just couldn’t.
He leaned against a wall, hands pressing it to keep him up as he closed his eyes against waves of nausea.
Julian was just fixing himself up, excited for Garak to arrive. He brushed back his hair, although he knew Garak would make a mess of it in no time—when the chime sounded.
Julian frowned, Garak didn’t usually bother with the chime. He left the washroom and called out, “Come in,” but instead of Garak or one of his colleagues, a different familiar face appeared when the door slid open.
Standing there was a boy. The boy had the same eyes, unruly hair, and tan skin as Julian, but lacked his height and slenderness.
“J-Jules?” Julian stammered breathlessly, disbelief flooding his senses.
Jules stepped inside, the door closing behind him, wearing an expression of profound sadness. “I… I came to see you,” he replied, his voice small. “I wanted to tell you something important.”
Julian knelt to be at eye level with the boy, his heart racing, his body trembling. He lifted his hands to reach out but stopped short. “What is it? You can tell me anything.”
The child hesitated, glancing around the room as if being watched. “You need to be careful,” he said, his voice trembling slightly. “They will hurt you.”
Julian’s mind raced, not knowing what to say or do. “What do you mean? Who will?” he asked quietly, knowing the devastating answer.
Little Jules took a deep breath, and Julian could see the weight of unspoken fears behind his eyes. “Doctors. Don’t let them take you away. They will hurt you.”
Before Julian could respond, the air in the room shifted again, and little Jules seemed to shimmer, his form becoming less distinct. Panic rose within Julian as he reached out, trying to grasp the fleeting figure.
“Jules, wait! Don’t go!”
But the boy had already faded. Julian felt a chill race down his spine as the room settled back into a cold silence. A piece of him gone.
He sank onto the floor, curling in on himself as silent tears streamed down his cheeks, haunted by the weight of little Jules, a reminder of all that he tried to forget daily.
The reality of it all receded from his awareness as his surroundings seemed to fade away. His mind retreated to those damned days that had felt never-ending.
Garak hurried to Julian’s quarters. Whether what he’d just seen had been real or not he needed to check on Julian. Of course Tain would know. Tain knew everything. And he knew the man well enough to fear his actions.
As he arrived and unlocked Julian’s door, he was struck by the sight before him. Julian was curled up on the floor, hugging himself as sobs shook his body.
Had Tain gotten to him?
“Julian…” Garak whispered, kneeling beside him. He reached out, touching Julian’s shoulder gently, but Julian screamed in response. “No! Leave me alone! Don’t, please don’t!” He whipped his head from side to side, his eyes squeezed shut.
Not knowing if he was doing the right thing, Garak pulled Julian into a tight embrace, stopping the man from hurting himself. He held on until Julian stopped fighting, until he just laid there in his arms—a fragile presence of soft hiccups and a trembling body.
Julian slowly came back to himself, sensing strong arms wrapped around him. He frowned, feeling constricted and yet warmed by it.
It was the scent that hit him first, the familiarity of it enveloping him like a comforting blanket. Yet he still couldn’t pinpoint who it was—until memories began to flood his mind. Hesitantly, he opened his eyes, afraid of what he might see. But it was just Garak, holding him and swaying gently. Garak’s own face looked haunted and pale.
“Garak…” Julian whispered. Those sharp blue eyes immediately looked down at him, he could see the relief in them. Even unspoken.
“Was Tain here?” Garak asked, he needed to know.
“Who?” Julian asked, frowning, confused.
“Tain— an older Cardassian male.”
“No…” Julian shook his head. “Some— someone else was here.”
“Who?” Garak asked, worry in his voice.
Julian’s expression crumpled as he whispered,
“Someone from my past.”
“I… think I can relate.” Garak laughed hoarsely, feeling like he was going insane.
Julian slowly lifted himself. “Wait… this… did you see someone from your past?”
Garak exhaled and nodded. They stared at each other for a heartbeat, an unspoken shared pain painting their eyes.
Julian grabbed Garak’s arms. “This—it wasn’t possible,” he finally said with a shaky voice. “Something must be happening.” He slowly got up with Garak’s help. “I need to go to Ops.” Garak nodded, his thoughts far away.
“There are things I must do as well,” Garak replied quietly, following behind him before they parted ways.