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i’m no good (for you)

Summary:

The voice on the other end whispers, “Suguru?”

Suguru sighs.

“Hello, Satoru.”

Notes:

i can’t believe i haven’t written enough stsg to actually publish a fic of them yet?? they’re like one of favorite ships oat… anyway i was on a 12 hour drive last week and decided to get a bit nostalgic with my music, which led to getting inspired by billie eilish’s when the party’s over (where the title is from).

ENJOY!

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Not for the first time, Suguru’s phone is ringing with an unknown number. He knows from just a glance at the time who it is, and lets it ring for a bit. The caller never calls twice, always taking the rejection for what it is, occasionally accompanied by a short voicemail. Suguru goes back to organizing the shelves, humming to himself.

Only… tonight, his phone rings with a second call. And when that one is unanswered, a third. 

Suguru stares at his phone for a few moments while it continues to ring. This is unusual, to say the least. He hesitates, before picking it up and pressing the answer button.

“Hello?” He says into the microphone, quieter than he intended. He doesn’t know why his stomach is swimming with anxiety. 

The line stays quiet for a moment, then another, before the voice on the other end whispers, “Suguru?” 

Suguru sighs.

“Hello, Satoru. Might I ask why you’re calling me at three in the morning?” His voice is coming out a lot more nonchalant than he feels, and he has to find somewhere to sit down. Satoru laughs on the other end, and the sound makes Suguru’s chest hurt.

“Haaah, I didn’t think you’d answer…” Satoru trails off, the line going quiet briefly. “What are you doing?” Suguru blinks at the question, and then squints at Satoru’s tone of voice.

“Are you drunk?” He asks, a little concerned, against his best efforts not to be. Satoru makes a dismissive noise, and Suguru can almost picture how he’s probably waving him off right now.

“Irrelevant. We just celebrated Shoko getting her official doctorate. Answer me, Suguru.” Satoru sounds like he’s eating something. Suguru can guess it’s a piece of candy, and the idea makes fondness rise in his chest. He pushes it down.

“Well, I was working. Do you have a reason for calling me?” Suguru doesn’t sound as annoyed as he intended to, his tone far too soft. In school, Shoko would occasionally call that his Satoru Voice. “Or did you seriously just want to know what I’m doing?” The line is silent again. Suguru almost checks to see if he’s been hung up on, before Satoru speaks again, much quieter than he had been.

“…I missed you,” He mutters, sounding almost… ashamed at the words. Suguru’s eyes widen, and he’s momentarily speechless. He lets out a breathless laugh, looking down at his lap.

“Yeah?” Is all he can get out.

“Yeah.” Satoru says it with such certainty that Suguru doesn’t know what to say yet again. He’s not about to admit he misses Satoru too. He chooses just to hum in response. After a few more moments of silence, Satoru speaks again, “They assigned me to kill you, y’know. Wouldn’t let me refuse the mission.” His annoyed tone is obvious even over the phone, words slightly slurred. Suguru finds himself slightly annoyed at the higher ups on Satoru’s behalf. He scoffs.

“That doesn’t surprise me. How… How's Shoko? You said she got her doctorate?” He hesitantly asks. Satoru makes a noise on the phone.

“Yeah. She’s Shoko, you know her. Can we not talk about her? I’ve not heard your voice in like… six years, Suguru…” He yawns, clearly bored, sounding even more drunk than he did before somehow. Suguru can’t help but notice how often he’s saying his name— he wonders why. “How’s your fancy little… cult, or whatever?”

“Fine. How’s teaching going for you?” Suguru doesn’t usually like small talk, but it’s worse right now. It’s not natural for him and Satoru, or it wasn't the last time they spoke. It makes him feel a bit sick. He wonders if Satoru shares that sentiment. 

“It’s sooo fun! Suguru, you should see how talented some of these kids are. I wish… I wish you were here teaching with me, sometimes,” Satoru admits in a small voice. He sighs softly. “I wish I could just come visit you sometimes too, y’know. Haaah, isn’t that pathetic?” Suguru stays quiet for a short while, slightly uncomfortable at Satoru’s drunken honesty.

“No. I mean, maybe a little, but… I miss you too, Satoru.” He doesn’t expect himself to say that, and he scoffs again, fidgeting with the end of the robes he has yet to take off for the day. He hears Satoru’s breathing hitch— only slightly, hardly enough to justify him noticing it— and then Satoru laughs again. 

“Geez, haha, I’m too drunk for this. Why’d you have to leave, Suguru? I…” He sighs and now it sounds to Suguru like he might cry. “We were supposed to be the strongest… Did I seriously mean that little to you?”

Suguru’s heart aches. It takes everything in him not to refute Satoru’s words— he still cares for Satoru more than he can even begin to describe— because… 

“I made my choice. I’m not going to apologize for it,” He mutters, not angry as much as he is tired. There’s silence on the line for a moment, and he takes that opportunity to stand back up and dust himself off. He’s halfway down the hall before Satoru speaks again.

“You’re selfish as hell. You know that? You never thought about us, only yourself.” Satoru scoffs, and Suguru doesn’t even have the chance to respond before he continues, “Whatever. Goodnight, Suguru.” 

The line is dead by the time he can muster up the strength to say it back. 

Notes:

i imagine they’re like 23 in this btw

twt tumblr etc etc you get the idea

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